We go back to that bleak night when Osama Bin Laden died, you see after he died it wasn't over. You thought david was dead but he wasn't. You see when Osama revealed that he was the spawn of the dead David, a kind of freakishly bloody mutated baby crawled out of his mangled pussy and transformed into the new David. Looking exactly like the old one. With him he created an army to take over the world. Along with him he resurrected H.D. Jones, a force to be reckon with. This is the greatest test of God Inc. Our heroes. 1000 Acre Woodz 10 is dawning..
The Good Guys:
TTSA,Masta J,The Real Will,Mush,Roman,JC,God,The Fake Will???,*Surprise*
The story starts out in David's backyard where he is talking to HD
David: HD, you know we gotta take over the world
HD: You better not fuck this up David. I gotta be famous with all of my homemade Raps.
*HD puts his tape in the CD player and David covers his ears*
David: What is that?
HD: It's HD Nigga rapping.
David: It sounds more like someone crapping.
HD: I gotta a tape of that want to hear?
David: no! We need more people to take over the world HD.
HD: Let me call my gang.
David: no no, I'll just call Adolf in hell.
*David picks up the phone and dials 1-900-H-E-L-L*
Cleo: This be Miss Cleo
David: What, I called Hell.
Cleo: You know I be living here. You want your future hold or you push 1 for the operator, and let MIss Cleo do the magic with her Tora cards.
David: Why you need Tora cards to give me the operator.
Cleo: don't ask questions!
*David waits and the operator comes on the line*
Operator: Yeah. Who you need?
David: I need Adolf Hitler.
Operator: He's busy getting a pineapple shoved up his ass.
David: When does he get done?
Operator: Soon, you want to hold?
David: ahh okay.
*David waits 30 minutes*
Adolf: Yes who this is?
David: It's me Adolf, David.
*Adolf turns to CR with the phone still in his hand*
Adolf: I thought that guy died.
CR: Damnit!
David: What you guys saying?
Adolf: Nothing David. What in this place's name do you want?
David: You guys gots to help me take over the world.
Adolf: Shit, David it never works.
David: Yes it do. you come to earth and my house. you and your friends, we have to do it this time.
Adolf: Damnit David, oh hell. God, okay we'll do it.
*Adolf hangs up and David gets an automated Machine*
Voice: Thank you for using Hell hotline, the hottest line out there. Your total bill comes to 3943.49 have a nice day.
David: What it cost money!?
Voice: Yes dumbass it was a 900 number, wake the fuck up!
*David hangs up the phone and walks away. Now we turn to heaven where TTSA and his friends are having a good time.*
TTSA: Woah, what a night that was.
Masta J: Who the hell knows what time it was it's always light up here.
TTSA: Whatever, I mean you usually dont drink 90 cans of beer and smoke 39 pounds of weed and still live to tell about it.
Masta J: God you must be beaming.
TTSA: Hell Yeah. It was great. I mean I broke the world record but the damn cops will bust me if i told them about it.
*Heavenly music plays followed by the radio*
Radio: Wake up Heaven. It is currently the year 2003 and the world is doing shitty as usual.
*You can hear the radio snooze being turned on as the radio fades out*
TTSA: Damnit God is getting up. Act like you're sleeping
*TTSA and Masta J lay down and close their eyes as they hear a crashing on the floor, they open their eyes to see hundreds of girls running out of God's bedroom. God steps out with a cigarette in his mouth.*
TTSA: What the hell God!? You screwed woman last night, you cant do that.
God: Who in the blue hell says that stupid shit. I'm God, I can do what I want. I set the rules.
Masta J: But that was so adultery.
God: Fuck it.
TTSA: What is happening to the wor..I mean everything today!?
God: Am I suppose to be in a good mood? You guys save the world so the usual things can happen, starvation, wars.
Masta J: Why don't we ever stop that stuff?
God: Who gives a motherfuck?
*God sways his head to an angle and puts his hands out.*
TTSA: What have you become?
God: Don't hate me like lots of mortals do. I've always been like this, when I made those 10 commandments I was young and stupid.
Masta J: Figures.
God: Oh yeah, that dumbass David is back.
TTSA: Ahh, no work! No work! How, how?!
God: So did you see that movie Jason goes to Hell?
TTSA: *sigh* Yes.
God: Remember when the Jason alien thing crawled out of the tongue thing and went into his Mother's pussy?
TTSA: Trying to make me relive bad movie memories, but yes.
God: THat's kinda what happened to David only he crawled out of Osama Bin Laden's pussy after he died.
TTSA: Damnit.
*God's cell phone rings to the tune of Homies by ICP*
TTSA: Is that shit ever going to go away?!
*God answers the phone*
God: Hello
Kids from Hell: Is this EWTN? Hahahaha
*They hang up*
God: Damn Demons. Always making those stupid phone calls. Anyway. I have new people for you two to work with. First off, JC. This guy is well hell bent on peace.
*JC Appears*
JC: I hope I don't scratch myself in this mission God. And I'm suppose to get my hair done at 9.
God: Fucking Faggot.
JC: What?
God: Errr, nothing. Next is the new agent, Mush
TTSA: What in the cunt fucking hell? How did you sign him?
God: Easy. Dont ask questions either.
*Mush appears*
Mush: Hell yeah I'm back for the sequel.
TTSA: What?
Mush: Forget I said that.
TTSA: Okay.
God: Now to earth with you's.
*God Sends them to Earth with a snap of his fingers. They end up at the arcade.*
TTSA: Why are we here?
JC: This isn't the salon. Oh jeez.
Masta J: I swear I'mma going to go crazy with this JC guy.
*They walk inside and see The Real Will and Roman playing Root Beer Tapper*
Roman: Goddamnit! Dumb niggers cant just set their glasses down, no! They HAVE to fling them. I aint a slave, white fucker! This is stupid im going to play Robotron
*Roman steps up to the machine and gives it a quarter. He plays the first level*
Roman: Damnit, mommy get in the house.
*He blasts away some aliens and grabs the family. TTSA steps at the side of him*
TTSA: Damnit Roman, let's get going. We got a mission!
Roman: ahh you gotta let me win this game.
TTSA: Ahhhh.
*They show The Real Will still playing Root Beer Tapper*
The Real Will: I gotta get these stupid hoes their dranks. But they dont leave me shit for a tip.
*Masta J and TTSA unplug the machines*
ROman: WHAT THE FUCK!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Real Will: Damn old shit.
Mush: You heard of a PS2?
The Real Will: Yes. Those things suck. I rather go here and spend my money.
TTSA: I spend my money at the whorehouse, haha!
*The scene then goes back to David and Scott Pauls.*
David: I heard them were in the arcade. So let's set up a decoy, a machine to trick them. Maybe we can get rid of them fast.
Scott Pauls: You can use this new X-BoX Machine, you see it looks like a normal X-BoX but the controllers are so big you can't play it and then I put in this.
*Scott Pauls pushes the X on the X-BoX and it gets huge*
Scott: It's like a Transformer.
David: This is a good idea.
HD: Let me play with it nigga.
David: No HD, you can't. It's for our plan.
HD: You want to hear my raps then?
Scott: Go ahead and play with the damn thing.
*HD picks up a controller and the buttons are so big that he gets confused. Before the can say anything to anyone the X-BoX transforms and sticks HD in the disk drive*
HD: Help me, HD Nigga in trouble.
*HD gets sucked up by the disk drive and it walks on to the arcade*
David: at least we got rid of that stupid HD guy.
*The good guys get out of the arcade finally and they get in TTSA's car that he got out of nowhere. Inside of the X-Box*
TTSA: Not this thing
Roman: Let me play.
*Roman turns on the X-BoX and a screen pops up and HD is on it.*
HD: Help me nigga! Help me! I'm going to die!
TTSA: What the fuck is this game. God, I hate this peice of shit. Get it outta here.
*TTSA throws the X-BoX out, it lands on the X and it transforms. It cashes the car.*
TTSA: What the hell is behind us?
The Real Will: A Fucking X-BoX Transformer.
TTSA: In the fuck?
*It chases the car, TTSA steps on the gas and they fly. The X-BoX behind them, TTSA's car releases a rope, TTSA swings around the X-BoX's feet and it falls foward. The mouth, or the Disk Drive comes open and HD comes running out. THe blast behind him makes him fly foward face first onto the windshield of the car, splattering his guts and everything everywhere.*
TTSA: Ahh im glad he's dead. Let's listen to some music
*TTSA turns on the radio*
Radio: Up next on 34.4 The Hitz is Bitchez by HD Jones
*TTSA turns it off quickly*
Masta J: How did he get his shitty songs on the radio?
The Real Will: Music aint talented anymore.
Mush: Damn right it ain't. I tried buying a CD but somehow it got replaced with some Weird Al shit. The name was Running With Siccors, I swear it was about someone stabbing some guy in the eye. Damn people that work at the music store cant tell me the right shit.
TTSA: Ha. You bought a weird al CD.
*The scene goes back to David and Scott Pauls.*
David: Have you made any weapons Scott?
Scott: Sure I have, here is a gun but it's no ordinary one. It's one that shoots out Sprite Remix.
David: Oh yay. No one likes that but me.
Scott: I remember.
*David shoots a chair and it melts*
David: it's like a flamethrower.
Scott: Actually it's 20 times stronger. And I have made a new potion, this is the ultimate fighting weapon. It is called Type Q-U-E-E-R, it makes you the ultimate fighting force. One injection of this stuff and your as strong as well, anything.
David: I want to try it.
Scott: no no, not yet. It makes you strong, fast!
*A firey blast is seen in the yard. out comes Adolf Hitler and Christopher Robinson*
Adolf: FInally we're here.
CR: We have a plan that will rule out all plans.
*They start whispering the scene goes back to the car*
TTSA: I think it's better that we watch T.V.
Roman: Sa Land's Most Wanted is on
*Scene cuts to the TV*
Host: Tonight on Sa Land's most Wanted we take a look at the man that says he can take care of David Dvorak for good. Once and for all. His name is well, he goes by the name The Fake Will.
Interviewer: You say you can kill David? how is this?
THe Fake Will: Everything has a price. You see I can kill this man but it takes time.
Host: Chilling, we'll keep you updated. Next on Sa Land's Most..
*TTSA turns off the T.V.*
TTSA: Ha, We're the ones that's going to kill him.
Masta J: Hey! A Hitchhiker. Pull over
*TTSA pulls over and a man in a white brimmed hat gets in and sits beside TTSA*
TTSA: What who is this?
The Fake Will: Me dumbass.
TTSA: You were just on T.V.
The Fake Will: I know.
TTSA: You dont know how to kill David, do you?
The Fake Will: Oh yes I do. You see I've been doing some research. I know the exact ways to kill him. But everything has to be paid for. YOu know the rules of the road, the book.
TTSA: You want me to suck your dick to get it?
JC: I can do that with no charge
TTSA: Ahh! Shut up!
The Fake Will: No dimwit, this price.
*The Fake Will kicks TTSA in the nutz*
TTSA: ahhhhhh
*TTSA swurves around the road and then gets back on track*
TTSA: *light voice* Tell me now
The Fake Will: It takes nothing else but a silver crystal dildo straight inbetween the pussy walls.
Roman: Haha, his pussy is going to bleed more than when he has his period!
Mush: How the fuck do you get a crystal dildo? My old bitch found it hard to get a vibrator.
The Fake Will: Here it is.
*The Fake Will flashes it*
TTSA: Haha. You must of went to leaps and bounds to get that.
The Fake Will: You could say that.
TTSA: I guess it's on to David's house to end this thing once and for all.
Masta J: fo sho.
JC: Ohhh I'm so going to be late for my hair appointment.
Masta J: I'mma kill you so shut up!
JC: alright,alright!
*David and Scott Pauls along with the others have made a new creation*
Scott: You see here, I have made one of our new weapons David.
*Scott pulls the black tarp off of a robotic version of Al Gore*
Adolf: I can't tell the difference.
CR: no one can.
Al: Lock Box,Lock Box.
*The scene goes back to the car where they pull up at David house. They all get out and sneak around the back. TTSA sees Scott Pauls by himself and pulls him down*
TTSA: Let us the fuck in.
Scott: Never!
*Scott pulls out a syringe and injects himself with the QUEER Virus*
Scott: Oh gosh.
*Scott turns into the Tyrant*
Roman: Oh shit! We're fucked!
TTSA: Wait!
*TTSA takes out a dagger and gets up on the shoulder of the Tyrant, he takes a shot at the throat. No affect*
TTSA: Shit.
*Masta J pulls out the weed shotgun and shoots some phatties into the monster but no affect. A flash of lightning comes and out walks THE TERMINATOR*
Terminator: I am back bitch.
TTSA: Shit, he's in two sequels in one summer.
Mush: What?
TTSA: Now you forget I said that.
*The Terminator pulls out a shotgun and shoots the Tyrant*
Terminator: Die Fucker, Die!
*Terminator keeps shooting it*
Terminator: It's use no use, I give up Tyrant
*Tyrant closes in on the Terminator*
Terminator: I lied
*Terminator pulls out an RPG and fires it at the Tyrant blowing it up*
Terminator: You are terminated...fucker.
TTSA: Fucking cool as.
*By this time David and Adolf along with CR notice.*
David: You may of killed Scott aka Tyrant but you can't kill this man.
*George W. Bush walks out*
W.: Bring it on. Let's make this shit World War 3.
Terminator: I can't process this, ahhh. I have to go
*Terminator dissapears*
TTSA: Shit, I thought he was tougher than that.
Masta J: This is pretty fucked up.
The Real Will: Real, Real Fucked up.
JC: I get fucked up.
*TTSA throws JC at Bush and Bush spears him with a Flagpole*
JC: ALRIGHT!!!!!!
*Blood flies everywhere and JC dies a horrible death. TTSA pulls out a dagger that he tried on Tyrant earlier and shoves it in the back of the head of Bush*
W.: Ahhhh!
*Bush dies. But out of the shadows comes Al Gore, well the robotic one but no one can tell the difference*
Al: Die, Die, Die.
*Al pulls out a box and throws it at them, they move. Al isn't programmed very good because Scott sucks at programming. Al walks into his own box and Roman locks it*
Mush: Good use of a lock box.
*Adolf runs at the men which gives CR the signal. CR pushes a button and a laser from space burns a hole in the ground. You can see lava and everything as the earth's crust cracks open and reveals Hell.*
Adolf: Hahaha!
*Mush throws a rock at Adolf and he tumbles down to hell*
Mush: Ha.
TTSA: I wouldn't of thought of that.
CR: As the devil, I command this as Hell on Earth!
*a ray of light is shown and God steps out*
God: No It's not judgement day yet. but I need to kick this guy's ass.
CR: Ha we meet again God.
*God throws CR down on the ground and they start beating the shit out of each other. David runs into the house. The Fake Will steps out of the car and throws TTSA the crystal silver dildo. They all run into the house after David as God and CR fight.*
David: let me go.
TTSA: You're done for David.
David: Pussy Power!
*David's Pussy explodes an ooze all over*
TTSA: Ahhhh!
ROman: you son of a bitch
*Roman kicks David in the face, David picks up a Remix Gun and shoots him down*
Roman: ahhhhh!
*The Real Will grabs David by the throat paralyzing him for a few seconds. TTSA gets up and shoves the dildo into the pussy of David*
David: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*A hole burns in the middle of the floor of the house, David gets pulled down into Hell*
TTSA: It's over
Mush: Not yet, they haven't stopped outside.
*THey watch from the window as CR karate kicks God Down. God is down and looks out.*
CR: Hahahaha. Hell will rule earth!
*A ray of light blasts TTSA. He falls down but then gets back up. TTSA's hands shake as a firey red glare comes from his eyes.*
TTSA: Fuck........
*TTSA's eyes explode with a laser kind of fire as he falls backwards. CR gets hit in the temple with it and he falls down, blood oozes out of all of his body. Finally he explodes and blood and guts are everywhere. TTSA gets up crawling around.*
Masta J: it's over.
*The ground rumbles as CR's blood and guts filter down underneath the ground. God gets up*
God: Shit, I think we may have stopped the devil, CR and David for the last time. But only time will tell.
TTSA: The dildo where is it? Where's the Fake Will?
God: It seems they are gone somewhere. I dont even know and fuck, i'm God.
TTSA: Your failing.
God: How can you tell me that? I'm fucking God.
Masta J: here we go again.
*The End*
*1000 Acre Woodz 11 coming soon?!*
*This has been a TTSA Shit Production*
*Creator and writer of 1000 Acre Woodz: Tyler Johnson*
*Banner art: Will A.(The Real Will)*