A few hours later...
"We're lost," Lauren complained.
"No, we aren't," DeeDee said. "We're just...umm..."
"Taking a little too long to get where we're going," Melissa inserted.
"Yeah, that's it."
Finally, they came to the top of the hill.
"Whoa," Christina said, awed. There was a big brick building at the bottom . "Do you think that's where we're supposed to go?"
"Well, let's go see." That was Melissa again.
They ran down the hill, and almost smashed into the door because they couldn't stop. The short girl standing by the door started giggling.
Okay, *now* we run into someone who looks like Minh-Bao, Megan thought. *This* is weird.
"Excuse me," Melissa said politely. "Could we please see the band director?"
"Sure, just follow me." The girl turned and went through the doors, leaving the flutes to follow her. Weirdly enough, they all marched through the stark white corridors, though over half of them were wondering why, and the other half was just blindly following the others.
Eventually, they came to a set of big metal doors, behind which they could hear a lousy band practicing.
"He's in rehearsal right now," the girl explained. "You can just wait out here, right?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess so."
After about fifteen minutes, the music finally ended (to the flutes' relief) and a dismayed-looking band walked out. "Next!" a voice called.
The flutes looked at one another, then cautiously creeped in.
"Oh, no," the director groaned. "Not more flutes! We need trumpets!"
Why was I actually expecting Mr. Mullins ranting about trumpets? Megan thought.
"Well? What are you working on?"
DeeDee stepped forward. "Uhh...We're playing Sheherazade in band, but we came to you to find out how we can get back to band practice."
"Oh, I see. Well, that is quite a dilemma. Bring me the hat of the Evil Drum Major of the West, and I'll see what I can do."
"The hat?"
"Yeah. It's big and white and has some weird greenish-black plumes on top."
"Okay, whatever." DeeDee, like all band members, knew from years of experience that it was completely pointless to argue with the band director, so she left.
"Why on earth would he want a hat?" Megan asked no one in particular.
"Who knows?" Melissa said, shrugging. "I guess we'd better get it if we ever want to go back home, though."
"Do you think that girl who looked like Minh-Bao was the Good Drum Major of the South?" Kim asked as the flutes left the building and started heading west. "And why are we going west, anyway?"
"Evil Drum Major of the West," Megan explained. "It makes sense that she would live in the west, along with her flying monkeys."
"Flying monkeys?" Lauren said in surprise.
"We're in Oz, therefore there must be flying monkeys."
"But there weren't any Munchkins," Christina complained. This, of course, started an argument over the existence of flying monkeys and Munchkins. Meanwhile, Megan had an idea.
"Hey!" she exclaimed. "I have an idea!"
"Is it a useful one?" Susan asked.
"Well, not especially, but it's an idea."
"Does Megan ever have remotely useful ideas?" Christina asked rhetorically.
"No," said Courtney.
"It was a rhetorical question," Christina told her. "Do you know what that is?"
"Not really. Do you?"
"No."
"Okay," Megan began. "See, I was thinking--"
"For once," Ashley interjected.
Megan pretended not to have heard her. "And if Katy's the Good Drum Major of the North, and Minh-Bao's the Good Drum Major of the South, without naming any names, that kinda leaves one drum major. So, either way, this person, who shall remain nameless, is an Evil Drum Major. Unless, of course, she's not here, in which case she wouldn't be."
"I told you this was a useless idea." That was Christina again. "And really confusing, to boot."
"Look!" Lauren exclaimed suddenly. "A field of dandelions!"
"That's a lot of dandelions," Courtney said as they walked by. "I feel tired all of a sudden."
"Me, too," Melissa said, yawning. Pretty soon, the whole section was yawning because, as we all know, yawns are contagious. Oddly enough, though, they stopped as soon as they were past the dandelions.
"Does anybody else think that those dandelions were weird, or is it just me?" Megan said.
"I always feel sleepy when I see dandelions," Christina said helpfully.
"And clearly, they affect your brain, too," she muttered.
"Hey! I heard that!"
"Okay, guys, break it up. We need to get going."
"Fine." Megan stuck her tongue out at Christina.
"Oh, that was mature," said Ashley.
"So? Do you want me to beat you with my flute?"
"Hey, look!" Lauren (who always seemed to spot stuff) said. "Flying Beatles!"
"So, what are they doing?" Kim asked.
"Clearly, they've been sent by the Evil Drum Major of the West to try to kill us."
"If she wanted to kill us with singers, she should've sent Britney Spears."
"But in The Wizard of Oz, the monkeys only tried to capture Dorothy," Christina pointed out.
Meanwhile, the Beatles just stood there, looking rather perplexed.
"You do know that we're supposed to take you all back to the Evil Drum Major of the West's castle?" Ringo said finally.
"Of course," Melissa said. "Sorry about that. Could we please get on with it?"
"Why do you want to be taken to her dark, scary castle?" John asked, confused.
"Well, we have to kill her somehow, and it's not going to happen if we just stand around talking. Plus, if you take us, it'll be faster than walking."
"All right, fine," Paul said disgustedly, clapping his hands once. "We're there."
Sure enough, the flutes and the Beatles were now standing in a one-hundred yard-long courtyard. How did they know it was one hundred yards? Quite possibly because it was painted like a football field. Or because the innate sense of measurement they had gained from being in band told them so. Or because the author says so.
"Ah, I see my little plan worked," an evil voice cackled. It belonged to a girl, probably a junior, who looked oh-so-vaguely familiar to the flutes. "Now, hand over the boots."
"The boots?" Melissa asked. "Why?"
"Because I want them, that's why!"
"I don't know...they're pretty comfortable. I kinda like them."
"But they're mine!" the Evil Drum Major whined. "Fine. Since you won't give me the boots now, you have to do the box drill till you do!"
"She is evil," Megan whispered.
"With backwards slides!"
The flutes glared murderously at Megan, since they had decided to blame everything on her. Then, they formed nice little (almost straight) lines and started marching.
A half-hour later...
"Owwwwww," Megan moaned as she collapsed on the grass, rubbing her legs. "Just give her the stupid boots already, Melissa!"
"Yeah," chorused several other exhausted flutes.
"She's worse than Dr. Bough!" Ashley complained.
"Who?" Christina asked. "Melissa?"
"No, the Evil Drum Major!"
"Fine," Melissa sighed. "You can have them."
"I knew you'd give in eventually," the Evil Drum Major said triumphantly. She drew closer, waiting for Melissa to take the boots off.
"Actually, maybe I'll give you this instead!" Melissa picked up her handy jug of water and threw it on the Evil Drum Major.
"Why is she shrinking?" Courtney asked, bewildered.
"I'm melting!" the Evil Drum Major shrieked.
"Okay, okay. You don't have to shout."
"Yay! It worked!"
"You mean, you didn't know if it would work, and if it hadn't, we would've had to do more box drills?" Megan wondered.
"Probably."
"Woohoo! It worked!"
"Hey, we can go home now!" DeeDee said cheerfully.
"But we have to get back to the Band Director first," Melissa pointed out.
"We'll take you," John said.
Just like that, they were outside the band room again.
"I wish I could do that," Megan said enviously.
"Hello? Mr. Band Director?" Melissa stuck her head in the door.
"What do you want?" the Band Director asked irritably. "I'm trying to figure out the best way to torture my band at rehearsal tonight."
"You would be," Ashley muttered.
"Remember? You said that if we killed the Evil Drum Major of the West, you'd figure out how to get us home. We have her hat to prove it."
"Oh, right...Well, the truth is...I don't know how to get you home. I'm just a band director. I may be God, but it's not like I have magical powers or anything. "
"So you lied to us?"
"Lied is such a strong word...I prefer to say that I forgot to mention it."
"Fine, we'll just leave then." Melissa walked out, and the rest of the flutes followed her.
"He let you down?" the girl they had met previously asked sympathetically.
"Yeah," Megan said. "He is a band director, after all."
"I know how you can get home," she said.
"How?" Melissa asked.
"Just click your boots together three times and say 'There's no place like band practice.'"
"Band practice? I can think of better places to be than band practice."
Melissa glared at Courtney, then started clicking the heels of her boots together. "There's no place like band practice...there's no place like band practice...there's no place like band practice..."
The stark white halls faded away, leaving the flutes right by the band room door back at home.
"Let us in!" DeeDee pounded on the door frantically.
Alex, one of the tuba players, came to let them in. "Where were you guys?" he asked.
"You wouldn't believe us if we told you," Megan replied.
"We were in Oz!" Christina exclaimed. "And you were there..." She pointed at Katy. "And you..." She pointed at Minh-Bao. "And you!" She pointed at Mr. Mullins. "And the Beatles," she added.
"Right," commented Breanna. "I think you all were hit by a few too many hailstones."
"Hey, it's the truth," Megan said, shrugging. "At least, I think it was..."
***