Disclaimer: I don’t own lots of this stuff. The Poodles' RL counterparts, plot points borrowed from TV shows/books/movies, lines borrowed from aforementioned things (plus famous HP fanfics), famous actor-type people, etc. So sue me. *g* (Animorphs belongs to K. A. Applegate, Smallville belongs to Los Hermanos Warner, X-Men belongs to the people who own it, and Draco D/S/V belongs to Cassie Claire.)

AN: I wanted this to be the real ending, until I realized that a) most of my "fans" in band at WHS wouldn't like it (as it's too weird for their tastes), b) I was borrowing part of the plot from Animorphs and Smallville, and c) regardless of how many people get killed, Clark Kent (or Tom Welling, who plays Clark) will *not* show up at my school. That having been said, you only have to have read the first two chapters of The Silence of the Tubas to get this. Nothing else. (Bonus points for those of you who can spot the...err...borrowed quotes, which are credited in the disclaimer.)

AN2: For anybody from Waterhole who might be reading this, this takes place at the Homecoming game - when Alex's hair was still blonde. So there, oh nitpicky people like Kim. *g* (I did, however, change stuff around a bit.)

***

Five days later, at the football game:

"I really hate football," Megan complained. "Why can't we play at soccer games? I like soccer." She grinned stupidly.

"Because nobody comes to the soccer games, and there's too many of them," Melissa told her. "Now stop whining."

"But I like whining," Megan whined.

Melissa gave her a Look.

"Okay, fine, I'll stop." She muttered something under her breath about mean drum majors.

"I heard that!"

Megan rolled her eyes. She was about to say something, but instead dodged a flying football. "Have I ever mentioned how much I hate these behind-the-goalpost seats?"

"Hey, it's not like the ball's down here a lot," Kim pointed out.

"Sure, you don't have to worry about it. You're a trombone; you sit up at the top of the bleachers. I have to sit on the bottom row."

"That's because we're better than you."

"Or because we can spare a few flutists," Minh-Bao interjected.

"That's weird," Megan said suddenly, scanning the crowd in the main bleachers.

"What's weird?"

"I thought I saw Alex, but I guess it must've been another tall, blonde soccer player."

"It must have been, considering that he's currently somewhere in the mud under our practice field," Melissa reminded her.

"Uh-huh, but I'd like to think that I can recognize that particular tubist when I see him."

"You should be able to, by now," Kim teased her.

"Oh, shut up."

Meanwhile, the guard, realizing that the Poodles were losing 42-13, started doing the Forbidden Band Cheer (also known as Chocolate Shake). Most of the band joined in, making conversation impossible.

"Chocolate shake, banana split, we think your team plays like - Shiiiift to the left! Shiiiift to the right! Stand up! Sit down! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"That was fun," Megan said sarcastically. "Nothing like a little school spirit to warm you up."

"Oooh! We can go get hot chocolate now!" Kim exclaimed, dragging Megan out of the bleachers.

"Okay, fine, I'm coming. You're gonna have to lend me the money, though - I don't keep any in my uniform."

They started the long hike up to the refreshment stand, joined by a few other band members (including their two favorite drum majors, Minh-Bao and Melissa). Megan was humming Fantasia on the Dargason, but stopped when Breanna glared at her.

"At least hum a good song," she said. "Better yet, don't hum at all."

"Fine." Megan started whistling the previous year's music.

"You had to get her started, didn't you," Melissa sighed.

"Why do I keep on seeing him out of the corner of my eye?" Megan asked exasperatedly. "I *know* he's buried under mud, drat it!"

"She's hallucinating again," Christina whispered loudly.

"Maybe not," Melissa said thoughtfully. "I thought I saw something for a second there, too."

"Aha! See, I'm not insane."

"Yes, you are," everybody chorused.

"Oh, shut up. The point is, Alex is alive, not under the mud, and at the football game."

"Boy, some people really get caught up in the excitement of Homecoming," Kristy commented, not referring to the groups of people who had orange-and-black sprayed hair. "I mean, why dig yourself out from under a lot of mud just to watch a stupid game against a town that's probably even smaller than we are and will beat us anyway?"

"Talk about a run-on sentence," Kim said as they joined the really long line of people (most of whom were band/guard members, parents, or alumni) waiting for anything hot to eat or drink.

"Really," said Minh-Bao, ignoring Kim. "Why would you do that - unless you're out for revenge." She briefly contemplated laughing evilly, but decided against it, mostly because everybody thought she was the "good" drum major.

"Oooh," Breanna said. "Creepy."

"Dun, dun, duhhhhhhhhh!" exclaimed Susan, who was in line behind them and apparently eavesdropping.

"Revenge against whom?" Megan wondered.

"Okay, Megan," Christina said patiently. "Think about this for a moment. Who left him out under the mud and in a blizzard?"

"Courtney!" she exclaimed sarcastically. "Or maybe Mr. Mullins, bless his little cotton socks."

"Actually," said Susan, who had missed the sarcasm, "Megan was probably the one who went out there and dug him out of the mud, hoping that he'd fall in love with her for saving his life."

Megan rolled her eyes. "Sure, Susan, whatever you say. Anyway, would the revenge be directed at me in particular or the band in general?"

"Who knows. Hopefully, just you."

"Gee, thanks. If Alex kills me, you can have my Secret Lair."

"Woohoo!" Melissa exclaimed happily. "I get a Secret Lair!" She stuck her tongue out at Minh-Bao.

"Hey, I said if," Megan protested.

"Yeah, but you know he will. Megan? Where'd you go?" Melissa looked around, but the flutist - and her three-hundred dollar uniform - had disappeared. "Oh, look, I'm right. Don't you hate it when that happens?"

"Great," said Kindra, who was in line with Susan. "Now I have to deal with her hole in the show. Then again, a hole can probably dress the line better than she can."

"Oh, come on, that's not true," Minh-Bao lied. "Megan's marching is just fine."

"Yeah, and the DCI Championships are just another band competition," commented an unnamed drummer.

Meanwhile, Megan was busy being abducted by everybody's (except for hers) favorite tubist. She found herself underneath the bleachers, a favorite hiding place for all the kids under the age of 13.

"Oh, hi, Alex," she greeted him. "So, how's it going?"

"Just peachy," said Alex sarcastically. "Considering that when you left me under the practice field, I ran into some radioactive material of some sort, and now I'm freaking mutated!"

"Hey, everybody has their off days," Megan said casually. "Besides, you look the same. That's not a bad thing; you could have wound up with pointy ears, blue skin, and a tail." She smiled sweetly, deciding that she had to stop watching TV. "Do you have cool superpowers?"

"Oh, yeah, I became Wolverine," he retorted.

"Actually," she pointed out, "according to the X-Men movie, Wolverine was created by Magneto. Or something along those lines. Good flick; you should try watching it. Maybe it would help you be in a better mood."

"I'm not in a freaking bad mood!"

"Whatever you say, oh mutant one. I'm not saying that you don't have a perfectly good reason for it - I'd be acting like that if I got left under the mud for a few days - just that you aren't your usual cheerful self. And since when do we have Kryptonite under the practice field? It's not like we live in not-so-Smallville, Kansas." Yup, she thought. Gotta stop watching so much TV. If this was Smallville, Tom Welling would've shown up by now. Why can't he suddenly appear and save the day? Or at least Michael Rosenbaum. There was no answer from the people in charge of sending out cute, famous guys to save sophomores in distress. Sean Biggerstaff? she thought hopefully. Drat.

"Hello? Earth to Megan...it's no fun exacting revenge if the person isn't paying attention to you."

"Okay, fine, I'm paying attention."

"Good. Now watch this." There wasn't really any way to describe what happened to Alex next; he just sort of morphed into Luke, the freshman tubist who had gotten lost in the blizzard.

"Yikes," Megan said. "This is starting to turn into one of my weirder dreams. Only minus the snogging." She blushed, deciding not to go any further.

"Ummm...sure," Alex/Luke said. "That's...interesting. My point is, I can turn into anybody I touch. So...I'm going to turn into you, then go back and kill the rest of the band. That'll teach them to not leave tubists out in the mud! Mwahahahahahaha!" He resumed his usual form, then grabbed Megan's wrist.

"This might sting a little bit," he warned her, concentrating. A green aura briefly surrounded both of them, then disappeared, leaving Megan unconscious.

Alex quickly morphed into Megan, then stole her band uniform, leaving her in her lovely flannel shorts and Marching Poodles shirt (he was already wearing his infamous "Hold Me, I'm a Fermata" t-shirt and a pair of shorts. And that's as far as we're going, you people with dirty little minds).

He walked back to the line, rejoining Kim, Melissa, Minh-Bao, Breanna, and the rest of the bandos.

"Hi, everybody," Alex/Megan said.

"Megan! We thought Alex had kidnapped you!" Christina exclaimed.

"He did, but I escaped."

"Hey, Megan," said Kim, who was ordering. "Do you want a Dr. Pepper?"

"No, I don't feel like having any. I'll just have water."

"Okay, catch." Kim tossed a bottle of water, which Alex/Megan caught effortlessly.

Hmm...Kim thought. Something weird is going on here. I've known Megan ever since I moved here, and she's never been able to catch anything that's been thrown to her.

Minh-Bao looked at the scoreboard. "We'd better hurry and get back," she said. "Warm-up begins in about two minutes."

Oh, great, thought Alex/Megan. I can't play the flute at all.

"Minh-Bao," Kim whispered as the group walked back. "I know this sounds incredibly bizarre, but I don't think that's Megan. I've never known the real Megan to turn down a Dr. Pepper that she had to pay for, let alone a free one. And she can't catch worth beans."

"Good point. What do you think, Melissa?"

"I don't know. Let's test her."

"You know how you said I could have your Secret Lair earlier? Well, where's the secret entrance?" she asked.

"Err..." Alex/Megan had no idea what Melissa was talking about. "There's one in...umm...the boys' locker room." That was the first semi-plausible location that had come to mind, and it wasn't a very good one.

"Oh, thanks."

"Well?" asked Minh-Bao. "Is that a real entrance?"

Kim shook her head. "Despite Megan's fondness for the soccer team, no."

"Aha!" Melissa exclaimed, pointing at the impostor. "You aren't Megan!"

"But if it's not Megan, who could it be?" Breanna asked, puzzled. "It's not like this is Harry Potter or anything, where people can pose as other people."

Meanwhile, Alex/Megan had fled, presumably to the safety of underneath the bleachers.

"Okay," said Minh-Bao, "do we go to the performance or search for Megan and the Megan impostor?"

"You guys are drum majors," Christina pointed out. "You can't skip just like that."

"Actually, we only need Erica, since the field's too muddy to march on," Melissa pointed out. "She'll be fine without us."

"What about our band grades?" Kristy wondered.

"There's always extra credit. And what's more important, Megan or band?"

"Band," said Kim.

"I agree with Kim," Breanna said.

Minh-Bao rolled her eyes. "DeeDee's already taken attendance. Nobody'll ever notice that you're missing. Now let's go, before Megan gets killed or something."

"But I want her Secret Lair," Melissa protested.

"Oh, be quiet, Melissa. Now," Minh-Bao continued, "Melissa and I will search by the tennis courts, Breanna and Kim can look around the refreshment stand, and Kristy and Christina can cover the baseball field."

The group split up, ready to scour every nook and cranny of the "athletic complex," as the politically correct people liked to call it. (Most people simply called it the football field, and a few of the band members referred to it as the band field.)

"Hmm," said Melissa. "No sign of her out playing tennis."

"And you're surprised? Megan couldn't play tennis if her life depended on it."

"Good point. Well, where else can we look?"

Minh-Bao caught a glimpse of something white out of the corner of her eye. "How about under the bleachers?" she suggested, walking over to the huge metal structures.

"Wait for me!" Melissa called, running to catch up. "So, why are we over here?"

"I thought I saw something right over there." She pointed to the patch of white in the darkness.

"Megan!" Melissa shouted.

"Melissa!" Megan yelled back.

"It's her." Melissa went over to where she was. "So, are you the real Megan, or not?"

"Yes, I'm the real Megan."

"Let's see...name everybody on the Gryffindor Quidditch team." Melissa figured that an impostor couldn't do that, mostly because she couldn't.

Megan gave her a Look. "Alicia Spinnet, Katie Bell, and Angelina Johnson are the Chasers, Fred and George Weasley are the Beaters, Harry's the Seeker, and Oliver Wood is the Keeper." She grinned at the mention of Oliver Wood, whom she thought was cute.

"Yeah, it's her," Minh-Bao said. "I think those were right."

"Okay, so instead of discussing Harry Potter trivia, could we please go catch Alex?"

"Alex?" Melissa raised an eyebrow. "I think you were hallucinating again, girl. The person pretending to be you was *not* Alex Welsch. I'm assuming that's the Alex you mean."

"Yeah, it was him. Some radioactive junk underneath our practice field mutated him, and now he can become anybody he touches. Of course, he kinda knocks them unconscious when he does it."

"Ouch. Are you hurt?"

"Well, it stung a bit at first, fortunately that went away when the searing pain kicked in."

"Am I the only one really not believing this?" Minh-Bao asked.

"Yes," said Megan. "But could you please start believing, before Alex kills half the band? Although if you want, we can wait till after he murders Erica." She smiled sweetly, not trying to hide her dislike for the head drum major.

"No, that's okay. I'll just have to be skeptical as we foil his evil plot."

"Cool."

The three ran off towards the football field, grabbing Breanna and Kim as they went past the refreshment stand.

"Oh, hi, non-impostor Megan," Kim said. "How's it going?"

"Just peachily," Megan replied.

"I don't think peachily is a word," said Breanna.

"According to Ms. Harres, you can add -ly to almost any adjective and turn it into an adverb."

"Hey, someone's screaming," Melissa said. "D'you think it's Alex's fault?"

"Actually, that's Christina. She just likes screaming at the top of her lungs."

Unbeknownst to the five Marching Poodles, it really was Christina, but she was screaming because Alex had her cornered in a dugout. He was slowly advancing on her, wielding...a tuba. This wasn't just any tuba, though. It was his lucky seventh tuba of the year, a big shiny sousaphone that looked, well, really deadly.

"You know," said Minh-Bao, "that sounds more frantic than Christina's usual screams. Maybe something is wrong."

"Okay, hold on." They were a few yards from the band bleachers, so Megan ran over and grabbed three guard flags and two clarinets. "Here, have...umm..." She looked down at what she held. "Weapons?"

There was a mad scramble as everybody went for the guard flags, simply because they seemed safer than the clarinets. Needless to say, Megan, being Megan, wound up with a clarinet, as did Melissa.

They slowly walked over to the dugout, and the source of the screams.

"Help!!" Christina shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"I think she's in trouble," Breanna decided.

"Considering that Alex is about to beat her to death with a tuba, I'd say so."

"Save me!!" she called. "Anybody?"

As they snuck up from behind, Alex suddenly turned around. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Obviously, we're trying to stop you," said Minh-Bao. "So stop."

"I think not." He grabbed Minh-Bao's guard flag and used it to knock everybody but Megan and Melissa unconscious.

"You know, you're going to wind up giving someone a concussion one of these days," Melissa said, trying to distract him as Megan crept closer.

"Like you?" Alex struck out with the flag, barely missing the beret-wearing drum major.

This gave Megan the time she needed to strike with the pointy end of the clarinet. It punctured the sousaphone and got stuck in there.

"Nooooooooo!!" cried Alex. "Not my poor innocent tuba!" He collapsed on the ground, sobbing. "Why'd you have to kill the tuba? It never did anything to you."

"There goes tuba number seven," commented Melissa. "I'd really like to know how he managed to break six others, but oh, well. This one's pretty much damaged beyond repair."

Alex continued crying, oblivious to everything happening around him. He cradled the dead tuba in his arms, sniffling.

"Sheesh," Megan said. "It's not like we killed Courtney or anything, just his sousaphone. It wasn't even his, it was the school's. And he can't get too emotionally attached to the things if he breaks them every few weeks."

Melissa shrugged. "Who knows. I'm willing to bet that he'll just stay here for awhile, though, so we're pretty much safe."

"Poor Alex," Megan said. "Not that I think anything he did was justified, but poor Alex. He looks really devastated. It's almost enough to make me feel guilty."

"Ah, well, let's go find the paramedics, the police, and Mr. Mullins."

"Sounds good to me."

Megan and Melissa walked off, leaving Alex sobbing over the tuba and Minh-Bao, Kim, Breanna, and Christina, well, unconscious.

The End