Rage Vs. Deshaun Lopez "The fat black luchadore"
["Waiting for the Turning Point" by Superjoint Ritual blasts the PA as the show opens...]
Jackhammer: We are LIVE! From the United Center here in Chicago, Illinois, welcome to CHCW Turning Point! Along side me as always Cecil Rowe, now what do you suppose is all this "New Blood will be spilled" new regin of terror, etc...what is it?"
Cecil: Your wife is ragging again.
Jackhammer: Oh...Hey! Dammit Cecil...Let's go to the first match!
Rage Vs. Deshaun Lopez "The fat black luchadore"
Jackhammer: Deshaun makes his way to the ring now, and this started last week, the return of Rage, and only a mystery as Lopez was left in a pool of blood BEFORE Rage even got into the ring, so tonight will be the officla match, but I wonder if something else will go down as it did last week?
Cecil: Your wife went down on me last week.
Jackhammer: I am going to kick you in the nuts...HERE COMES RAGE!
Cecil: Look, no weird shit is going to happen, everything will be just fine.
jackhammer: Well here we go, Rage and Lopez circle, tieup, Lopez with an armbar takedown, Rage flips up, counters with a hammerlock, go behind by Lopez, Irish whip, and LOPEZ! springboard crescent kick on Rage Cover and no!
Cecil: This guy is fatter than you.
Jackhammer: He moves gracefully, it's amazing...Lopez in control, Rage kick to the gut though, Northern lights suplex with a bridge! Cover 1..2..no! Kickout! Lopez to his feet and a clothesline by Rage! DDT! Cover 1...2..no! Lopez kicks out again...THUMB TO THE EYE by Lopez! Russian Leg sweep as he climbs the top rope...
Cecil: Fatty's gonna fly.
Jackhammer: Look out! 450 Corkscrew Moonsault by the big luchadore! Cover 1..2..no! Rage with another kick out! Lopez looks for a clothesline, Rage with a quick side kick! LOST SOULS! or something...COVER! 1...2...3! Rage picks up the win.
Cecil: Wait..what the hell is this?
(AMBER is on the Georgiatron tied up)
Jackhammer: It's Amber! Rage looks pissed!
Cecil: I would be too if my gash was tied up.
Voice: DON'T EVEN BOTHER...
Jackhammer: Who is that?
Rage: Show yourself!
[DEZ WHITING WALKS OUT]
Jackhammer: Oh my god! It's Dez Whiting!
Dez: Hello Rage.
Rage: What the-?
Dez: You see Joseph David didn't know that I had MY OWN "Wiccan mentor" more powerful than Vicellous could EVER be...Word of advice J.D. make sure someojne is DEAD when you kill them...Now on to YOU Rage...Remember when Vicellous SAVED you a while back from dying? Well, that wasn't Vicellous who saved you.
Rage: You're full of shit.
Dez: No, you see the answer is in this pendant. (holds out a pendant which is globe shaped that has blue mist in it) You see when I keyed in on my "source" it wasn't wiccan, it wasn't godly or anything...What I tapped into Rage was Pure EVIL...You see Rage, Vicellous didn't save you, she left, and you blacked out! Remember those dreams you've been having? The one where you're surrounded by blue mist and you're walking on a huge pool of blood?
Rage: How did you know?
Dez: because I SAVED you Rage...I DID! I picked you up when I could have left you to DIE. You're special to me.
Rage: Special my ass, Amb-
Dez: Oh Amber is fine...You see you should be worrying about other things than Amber...If I were you Rage, I would worry about OWING YOUR LIFE TO ME.
Rage: I don't owe you shit.
Dez: Yeah? Tell that to Echo.
Jackhammer: Echo?
Jackhammer: My God! Echo is back! He just chokeslammed Rage!
Cecil: He aint done yet.
Jackhammer: Echo just ripped off the turnbuckle padding on the left end...that metal is exposed now...Echo picks up Rage...HOLY SHIT!
Cecil: Eww.
Jackhammer: Echo just powerbombed Rage on the steel turnbuckle HEAD FIRST! The back of Rage's head crashed with the steel! Oh my god that is vicious!
Cecil: Eww.
Jackhammer: Dammit! Run the promo for the next match!
Project X13 Vs. A.O.D. & Spacecookie
Jackhammer: We have word that Rage has been taken to the back and he may have suffered a fractured skull, more on that later in the show...as A.O.D. and Spacecookie make their way to he ring...
Cecil: Spacecookie left her toothbrush at my house you know...
Jackhammer: Yeah, and Michael Jackson likes adults.
Cecil: Eat it.
Jackhammer: Here comes ProjectX13, and wait a minute...The Bowskis are behind A.O.D. and Cookie!!! Chairshots from both of them! ProjectX13 comes running in the ring and they want ot know what the hell is going on!
Cecil: Bowskis mean business.
Jackhammer: X and PG-13 hold up their titles in front of the Bowskis...Romeo takes out some oil?
Cecil: Oh shit.
Jackhammer: (crowd "oohs") Romeo just squirted some body oil in the face of Weapon-X! Weapon charges! He slips! Looks like Joe squirted oil on the mat as well! Joe ducks a PG-13 clothesline, kick to the gut...HUGE POWERBOMB! He makes the cover...
Cecil: What???
Jackhammer: 1....2....3! Oh my god do we have new tag champs!?
Cecil: NO! They weren't even in the match!
Jackhammer: The Bowskis are celebrating and oiling their tag team titles, look at that SHINE!
Cecil: ...Fag.
Jackhammer: Well we have word that something is brewing backstage now...
Crush: Where are you?!!
Jackhammer: That's U.S. Champion Crush, his hands are bleeding it looks like someone has previously just attacked him, and I don't know what is going on here...
(Crush is still looking for someone as he lifts up the garage and walks outside as the sun sets...)
Cecil: Oh crap!
Jackhammer: Rigor Mortis!
(Mortis tries to stab Crush but Crush ducks out of the way and kicks the knife out of his hand...Crush charges but Mortis grabs him by the throat and tosses him into a pile of debris...)
Jackhammer: Rigor Mortis is tearing apart Crush!...Crush comes back! as he kicks a trash can into Mortis...Clothesline by Crush! Crush looks around he finds a pile of cement bricks!...Mortis to his feet...Crush witha cement brick over the head of Rigor Mortis!
Cecil: Man is this ugly.
Jackhammer: Crush walking a away, but here comes Mortis slowly to his feet, Crush turns his head Mortis with an elbow! He picks Crush up...OH SHIT! He just tossed Crush threw a sheet of glass! Mortis now grabs his machette...Paramedics are on the scene now and ANSWER me this: Why isn't legal action taken against Rigor Mortis? He just tried to kill our U.S. Champion!
Cecil: Remember what Dez Whtiting said, he registered CHCW as a DEADLY WEAPON, meaning anything goes within the confines of a CHCW arena and it's members...
Jackhammer: Where did you hear that?
Cecil: It's written right here.
Jackhammer: Oh...Well what a night so far here, as North and Cena are circling eachother right now in the ring as we start this match-up Cena having two matches tonight...Tieup, armbreaker by North, follows with a leg scissors, Cena kicks out of it, ducks a clothesline flying elbow by Cena! Cover gets 2! Sick chops by Cena as North counters with a kick to the gut, atomic drop! Cover 1..2..no!
Cecil: Too early for any pins buds.
Jackhammer: This match going back and fourth now, Cena tosses North to the outside, wait! North hangs on to the ropes, he quickly climbs in, shoulder thrust! Cena stumbles back...go behind, and a Rear Naked Choke Drop by North! Cover gets 2! North climbs to the top rope and what is this?
Cecil: Maniac is at the top of the ramp.
Jackhammer: Well North hits a diving headbutt on Cena! Cover 1..2..no! North looking for the win here as he sets Cena up on the second turnbuckle...no, make that the TOP turnbuckle...Maybe a superplex coming here...Cena with elbows...he turns around, FLIPPING NECK BREAKER! From the top rope! What a move! Cover 1...2...3! Cena gets the win!
Cecil: Here comes trouble.
Jackhammer: Maniac is making his way to the ring and he slides in...Cena doesn't know what to do...and Maniac extends his hand?
Cecil: He wants to make peace with him.
Jackhammer: Cena backs away as he leaps out of the ring I don't think he trusts Maniac! Maniac with a cable wire! He catches Cena just as he leaves the ring! Cena is dangling out of the ring by a cable wire held on by Maniac! Your gonna choke him to death somebody stop this!
Cecil: This is funny.
Jackhammer: My ass it is! Officials are trying to stop Maniac! Maniac now drags Cena into the ring by the throat...Irish Whip right into the second turnbuckle! Shoulder first! Maniac hops to the outside with that cable wire! He's choking Cena now! Again! Officials finally break it up!
Cecil: Heh, no Cena vs. Maniac later tonight I suppose.
Jackhammer: This is ridiculous! Maniac lifts up the North American title along with his IC title...I think he wants both of them Cecil.
Cecil: No shit.
Jackhammer: Billy Talent vs. Ironman is next!
Ironman Vs. Billy Talent
Jackhammer: Billy Talent making his way to the ring now...and these two have been going at it for weeks now.
Cecil: Wake me up when it's over.
Jackhammer: Damn you...Here comes Ironman!!!
Cecil: Whoopee.
Jackhammer: Talent doesn't wait and these two are going at it on the outside! Talent throws Ironman into the steel steps! Ironman! Low blow! Chops to the chest now, as he tosses Talent back into the ring, rights and lefts by Ironman! Irish whip, countered, Dropkick! nice one there by Talent! Talent with a pretty looking chinlock...knee to the back! He still keeps the hold on, Ironman slowly getting up, Talent now hits a DDT! Cover 1..2..NO! Ironman kicks out..Talent on his feet...Hits a nice front suplex, to the ropes leg drop MISSES! Ironman moves out of the way! Ironman coing back now, Irish whip and he chops Talent down!
Cecil: Yeah.
Jackhammer: Ironman trying to show that he IS a legend, and he CAN beat Talent.
Cecil: He can beat himself, sometimes, but-
Jackhammer: Shut up. Ironman with a russian leg sweep cover gets 2...Ironman with a Stunt Rider Stretch on the ground, pulling those arms of Talent back...his momentum takes him forward and YES he turns it into a Camel Clutch! Nice move by Ironman! Talent won't tap though...hanging in there...he slowly gets up SNAPMARE! followed by a dropkick by Talent!
Cecil: When was the last time you worked out?
Jackhammer: I worked your mom last night! HAHA!
Cecil: My mother is DEAD you idiot!
Jackhammer: Oh, I guess that's why she didn't move around too much.
Cecil: That's it! (decks Jackhammer in the face) You son of a bitch! (Cecil is on top of Jackhammer punching him)
[Billy Talent brings a chair into the ring and smashes Ironman with it causing a DQ.]
Joseph David: BREAK IT UP!
Cecil: Where did you come from? (out of breath)
JD: I seen what was going on, we don't need this right now!
Jackhammer: (climbs up to the desk) Thank you.
JD: We don't have time for this, the world title match is next and something is going down, BIG and I'm going to be here for it but we don't need petty fights.
Cecil: Eat it.
Jackhammer: Back to action int he ring, officials are trying to get Ironman to break the hold as he has a Figure-Four leglock on Talent...They break them up and this feud is far from over folks as I have word a fight has broken out yet again backstage...and Dirty Dustin Downey! He's back!
Cecil: He is fighting with Quan El-Amin!
JD: Crap, DDD should GET OUT NOW.
Jackhammer: Why?
JD: It's dangerous.
Cecil: What do you know that we don't?
JD: I don't know to be honest...
Jackhammer: Downey now, OH MY GOD!
Jackhammer: He just hit Downey over the head with the butt of a rifle!
Cecil: I hear sirens!
Jackhammer: The cops! FINALLY, some ORDER in this place!
Cecil: Wait, they aren't arresting El-Amin.
Jackhammer: What the hell? Downey is being handcuffed and taken in! Dammit! What is this?! You've got a terrorist right next to you! (they throw him int eh car and get in...they drive away)
JD: FUCK!
Cecil: Watch yer mouth.
JD: It's starting...I have to go now...
Jackhammer: What is starting?
JD: I have to get William the Bloody and tell him NOT to wrestle tonight!
Jackhammer: What? Why?
(JD takes off his headset but is stopped by a dark, unknown force)
Jackhammer: Oh my god! Whoever this is has just taken out Joseph David!
Cecil: I don't see him on my sheet...uhh.
(he grabs the headset and speaks into the mic)
Voice: DEMON PHANOMEN! DIE. (he quickly leaves)
Jackhammer: I think I pisedd myself just now.
Cecil: What is going on here?
Jackhammer: He has taken JD with him on his shoulders and we have our main event up next...let's go to the ring!
Cecil: Here comes Magnum, and I'm starting to get scared for what will happen in this match Jack.
Jackhammer: We have certainly had an array of disturbing events take place tonight...as Mag gets set, our world champion is on his way!
Cecil: Our world champion scares me sometimes...
Jackhammer: William the Bloody, taking on Milelr Magnum after Magnum won the battle royale for the number on contenderhsip...Here we go!
[Mag ties up with William, counter by Mag, go behind, Magnum hits a reverse DDT...Quick cover gets 2...Wil ducks a forearm, quick side kick, followed with a cutter! Picks up Mag, Irish whip, Mag comes at him full force and a huge shoulder block! Leg drop by Mag! He picks up William...throws him into the corner, kicks to the gut, charges into Wil's midsection hard!...from behind! Magnum hits a Full Nelson front slam! Cover 1..2..no!]
Jackhammer: Magnum in control at the moment, he has on a sleeper hold...Wil quickly gets out of it irish whip, and a spinning heel kick by William the Bloody! Magnum with a quick shot in the ribs...he throws William out of the ring!...
Cecil: If anything is going to happen it will happen now.
Jackhammer: Magnum takes William and an irish whip right into the steel guard rail!...Charges, William the Bloody moves out of the way! William looking...he finds a ladder!...Sets up the ladder firstly taking Magnum and smashing his head into the step of that ladder! William climbs the to the top of the ladder!...HUGE CROSS BODY! WOW! This hurt both men though...
[William slow to his feet climbs into the ring...he climbs the top rope looking to add more...he jumps but is caught by Magnum!...Magnum runs him back first into the steel pole!]
-The match progresses and Mag has William wore down-
Jackhammer: Magnum has a painful Hangman's chokehold on William...he's almost out of it...Referee Craig Boyd lifts up William's arm...no...second time...NO, third time...No-YES! It's up...William trying to get out...he flips over! DDT! What a way to counter that hangman's chokehold!
Cecil: Damn.
Jackhammer: Cover 1..2..no!...Mag to his feet...SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY! NO! It's countered! William pushes Magnum into that ladder in the corner of the ring! The ladder falls down...Magnum stumbles...WIlliam hits a neckbreaker ont he ladder! He crawls over cover 1....2....3! William the Bloody gets the win!
Tara: Your winner and STILL CHCW Typhoon World Champion...WILLIAM THE BLOODY!
Jackhammer: Wait a minute! Rigor Mortis! Echo! Demon Phanomen! Dez Whiting!...They just ambushed William the Bloody! More are coming into the ring...!
(Dez grabs a mic)
Dez: Pick him up...C'mon...stick his head between the ladder...Magnum! If oyu please...
Jackhammer: Magnum is in on this too?!
Cecil: Ouch.
Jackhammer: Magnum just slammed that steel chair down on the ladder! Willima the Bloody is busted open and not looking good.
Dez Whiting: You see when I registered CHCW as a Deadly Weapon, I did it so I can take my FORCE, my APOCOLYPSE into battle to DESTROY what I CREATED!
Cecil: Oh, he's referring to IXPW again...great.
Dez Whiting: This IS a new era of Typhoon and let me ask you...where is President Ervin huh? Get the fucking hint! CHCW is OVER! Crush, William the Bloody, Joseph David, all the top stars will soon DIE, because you know what "DEADLY WEAPON" means? That means I can not just injure, not just end the career of but I can KILL whoever I want! Take care of that title for me William, you wont have it for much longer...
Jackhammer: This is sickening! How? What the-?
Cecil: I'm out of here...
Jackhammer: We'll see you next week on Typhoon we're out of time!
CHCW 2003