quotes : page 1
Helen: Theft. Pretty foolproof. Okay...I'll go. I'll go! I was getting a bit choked
up with all the testesterone flying about the place. Best I get out before I start growing a
penis.
James: Come, on! Everybody is born knowing all the Beatles lyrics instinctively.
They're passed into the fetus along with all the amniotic stuff. In fact, they should be called
"The Featles".
James: Have we met before?
Helen rolls her eyes.
James: No...no honestly. You seem familiar.
Helen: I don't think so.
James: Ah, yes...Yes. You were in the lift just now. You dropped your earring
and I picked it up.
Helen: Oh yes. It is. Thank you.
James: My pleasure.
After getting off the tube...
Helen: Excuse me! I'm sorry. I'm sure you're not a nutcase or psycho or anything.
I'm not...I'm not, that good at, um - you know, um...
James: ...constructing sentences?
Helen: I live with someone. I live with a man.
James: I have people I conside soulmates who don't confide in me this much.
And what would he say if he knew you were walking up from the tube in broad daylight
with a complete stranger?
James: Hey, remember what the Monty Python boys say?
Helen: What? Always look on the bright side of life?
James: No...Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Helen: I've had a dreadful day. I got sacked...And so did you it seems! Cup of tea?
Gerry: That'd be nice.
Helen is drinking in the bar with no one else...
James: You look all stressed with no where to go. It's only a job - you'll get another
one...There's something else, isn't it? You know, it sometimes helps to say whatever it
is out loud, of course it also helps when people mind their own business and leave you
alone. Sorry.
Helen: When I left you on the tube earlier, I found my boyfriend...
James: ...in bed with another woman. Shit...I'm sorry. I mean, what an idiot!
Helen: It's okay. You wanted to know.
James: No, not me - your boyfriend. He's an idiot. Sorry, it's not my place.
Helen: It's okay.
James: Well, look - if it makes you feel any better, you see that bloke over there?
James points to his friend, Clive who is drinking across the bar.
James: Not only does he own a personalized, matching set of cocktail skinned
luggage, but his favorite T.V. show is Baywatch. You see, there's always someone sadder
than you!
This brings a smile to Helen's face, but it doesn't last for long.
James: Do you love him?
Helen: No, I could never love a Baywatch fan!
They both laugh uncontrollably.
James: You made a joke in the midst of your turbulent, emotional state. That's
very positive!
Gerry: You're talking to yourself in the mirror again. Really bad sign.
Customer: Hey gorgeous. What do you do when you're not serving mad cow
burgers in here?
Helen: Well, let's see. I get up around 7:30 a.m. and make and deliver
sandwiches in the West End during the day before I come here about 6:00 and finish at
midnight. After that, if I have any energy left, I give my boyfriend a blowjob. Would you like
some mayonnaise with that?
Helen: Why hasn't he even called to see if I'm okay and to admit he's a twat? 'Hello,
Helen. It's Gerry. I'm a twat. Please come home, I love you'. All that shit. Bullocks to him.
James: Come on! If you don't have fatty drinks, you'll never achieve quality
cellulite!
Helen: Under normal circumstances, etcetera, you're really nice and funny. My
friend, Anna thinks you're cute -
James : Wait, hold...Hold...Your friend Anna thinks I'm cute?! Your friend
Anna thinks I'm cute?!?! Shit, I just blew 2.85 on the wrong girl!
James: Helen, there are times when people just need to be cheered up...In your
case, it's my job. But the fact I find you moderately attractive just makes the job easier in my
part. My intentions are completely honorable...Do you prefer diamonds or sapphires?
Helen smiles.
Helen: Moderately attractive?
James: A-ha! I knew you were listening! Well, lose the sad eyes and droopy
mouth, and I could get you an upgrade...So, what are you doing two weeks from Saturday?
Helen: Probably killing myself.
James: Excellent. What times does that finish?
James' Mum: It's going to be hard to leave this place, James, but...
James: ...But you still have the London flat. You'll be near the hospital, and
you can get much better crack in town!
