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Bill Clinton fell deathly ill while being
transported home from his Africa trip. Apparently he picked up a
strange, life- threatening disease in one of the villages.
He was rushed to Bethesda Naval Hospital for a
complicated operation. He went under the knife in the early morning, and
when he awoke, he saw that the curtains were closed around him and it
was dark.
"Why are the curtains closed?" the President
asked the Secret Service agent sitting beside his bed, "Is it night
already?"
"No, Sir," the agent said, "There is a
huge fire across the street and we didn't want you waking up and looking
out the window and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."
Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US President whose name contains
all the letters from the word 'criminal'.
William Jefferson Clinton is the 2nd.
When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said,
"I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to
look in it." In all their 30 years of marriage Hillary never looked.
However on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary curiosity got the best
of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3
empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back
under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly
curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner.
After dinner Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my
promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today
the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know
why do you keep the cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess
after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was
unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to
remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very
disappointed and saddened but guess after all those years away from home
on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that
bad considering the years."
They hugged and made their peace. A little
while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in
the box?"
Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up
with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for
cash..."
On Clinton's last trip to Hawaii, he went swimming at
Waikiki Beach. He got caught in a riptide and was been pulled out to sea.
Three young surfers swam out to him and brought him
to shore. He wanted to reward them, and asked what they would like.
The first said he wanted to be a fighter pilot, and
Clinton said he would get him an appointment to the A. F. Academy.
The second one said he wanted to command a submarine.
"Fine, I'll get you into the Naval Academy."
The third said he wanted to be buried at Arlington.
Clinton looked puzzled and asked why such a young person was concerned
about where he would be buried. "Because", said the surfer,
"my father is a Vietnam Veteran, and when I go home and tell him I
saved your life, he's going to kill me."
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for
drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey and soda, which was
brought and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
Falwell replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a
brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice....."
Hillary and Chelsea Clinton went shopping at the mall one day. Hillary saw
a beautiful parrot in the pet shop window.
She decided to buy it. She went in and asked the pet store clerk,"
How much for the parrot?"
He said ,"You don't want that parrot."
And she said "Why not?".
He replied with, "It was a whore house bird".
She said it would get over the language and bought it.
They took it to the White House and put it in a room.
Chelsea had some friends over.
When they went in the room, the bird said, "Look at the new
whores, look at the new whores."
Then, when the press came in with Hillary it said, "Look at the
new whores ,look at the new whores".
After that, Bill came in and the parrot said, "Hi Bill!"
One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the
White House.
Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could
do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised
George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark
bedroom.
"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
Clinton asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of
government," advised Tom.
Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving
in the
shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.
"Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
Clinton asked.
"Go to the theater."
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WebMaster