Tuesday Turmoil Results for January 2, 2001
from Madison Square Garden in New York, NY
Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" plays in the background as random shots of The Big Apple are shown. Everything from Yankee Stadium to the Brooklyn Bridge, to the World Trade Center, (or what remains of it), are highlighted before showing a shot outside of MSG. This leads us into our usual Turmoil opening.
A flame-engulfed city in ruins is shown as the Turmoil music plays in the background. We see many wrestlers walking through the engulfed city. Wrestlers highlighted are Ned, Jon Kano, Da Wizeguyz, Tyler Nelson, and new PCW champion REVEREND.
The shot shifts to the parking lot area where a car has pulled up. It comes to a stop and out from the car comes Franky the Mook. As he reaches in his car for his bag, from out of nowhere runs Scotty Killer. He starts to lay beating to Franky until the other half of the tag champs appears from behind him with Bertha Stewart. Bertha, holding a rolling pin, spins Scotty around a cracks him in the head. Her and Chef then help Franky up and escort him into the arena.
Jeff Marx: Ladies and gentlemen, we have just suffered the biggest crash in this area since TWA.
Dave Kern: What do you mean?
Marx: Only difference is, instead of a plane, this was our ratings. PLEASE don't tell me this is gonna be a trend tonight.
Steven Smith: Well then, Jeff, maybe this will cheer you up.
Jeff looks puzzled at Smith, then the scene shifts to outside of MSG. Out there we see a limo making it's way toward MSG in the background.
Marx: NOW WHAT!?!!!
As the limo comes closer to the building, we see a cardboard box come into the picture. It looks as if the cold weather and the strong winds have carried it into the middle of the road. The limo pulls closer and closer, then runs the cardboard box over. At the instant, a huge scream can be heard and Ned runs into the picture. He looks down at the remains of what must've been his home.
Kern: Was that Ned's home?
Marx: That guy just ran over Ned's home!
The limo has stopped and the door has opened. Ned stops grieving over his house being destroyed for a moment to get an explination. Then, from out of the limo comes a stupid looking white boy with short, bleach blonde hair. This guy is none other then famous rapper Eminem.
Marx: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ned taps Em on the shouder to get his attention. In response, Em turns around and waives a gun in the face of Ned. Ned sees the gun, not knowing that Eminem has no idea on how to load one, and runs off. He jumps into a nearby dumpster and shuts the lid, praying to God that he's not killed by this buffoon. Eminem then makes HIS way into MSG.
Meanwhile, back inside the building, all the stars have come out to see the action. Among those in the crowd are star of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker. She's sporting a "Genetic Perfection" shirt and sits next to her hubby, Matthew Broderick. He, to stir up a little somethin', is wearing a "Cerebral Perfection" shirt. Also we see another rapper, Xzibit, wearing a "F*ck Napster" shirt and is sitting next to fellow Napster haters Dr. Dre and Lars Ulrich. There is also an empty seat next to them, presumably for Eminem. Finally we spot all of the MTV VJ's. All of them, from the annoying Carson Daly to the lovely Ananda Lewis are there ALL wearing different things ranging from 2T2K1's XXXXL shirt to the new "Nick Taylor:Human Pancake" shirt. Our announcers for the evening, as you may know, are Dave Kern, Steven Smith, and Jeff Marx. Jeff seems to be making sounds of an airplane crashing.
Kern: ladies and gentlemen, HAPPY NEW YEAR! We are coming to you, LIVE, from the famed Madison Square Garden in NYC. I'm Dave Kern and I'm being joined, as always, by Steven Smith and Jeff Marx, who in which is playing with himself at the moment.
Smith: Oooh, can I give you a HAND there Jeff?
Marx: F*CK YOU!And why in the hell is MTV employees here? Does it look like we work for them!
Kern: Maybe they're just looking for something entertaining to see for the first time in 10 years.
Smith and Marx snicker as Dave makes a rare funny.
Kern: Well, we've got a pretty big night in store for you on this first show of the new year.
Marx: yeah, and how much of that will we actually see in the ring?
Smith: I hope we get to see the Ream Team. They are VERY big if you know what I mean.
Marx: (sarcasticly)No Steve, what DO you mean?
Kern: Well, as these two continue their discussion, our Pimply Faced Intern Kid is standing in the back with the Crusierweight champ. Take it away PFIK!
(The pimply faced intern kid is standing backstage with Cruiserweight champion, Dan Hollywood.)
PFIK:"Dan, tonight you have a match with Two Ton. What are your thoughts on-"
DH:"Screw Two Ton! What I want to know, you pimply faced swine, is when did PCW become big enough to play MSG?"
PFIK:"For your information, Dan, PCW is the top wrestling promotion in the country"
DH:"Oh yeah? Well riddle me this, batman. Why is the great Madison Square Garden, which has been graced by the likes of Ali, Tyson, and The Rolling Stones, deemed worthy only of a mere Turmoil show? Why wasn't it kept for the Pay Per View? Then we wouldn't have to risk life and limb going to a communist country where wrestling probably isn't even legal. How are the ticket sales going for Shanghaied, by the way?"
PFIK:"They're going-"
DH:"Shut up. Well, seeing as I'm gonna have to go out there to the red corner and wrestle in front of an unappreciative audience at the PPV, I might as well put on a show tonight for all my fans in NYC. Oh, but wait, who am I working with again? That's right, 2001 Tons. The least mobile belt thief in the western world. Well, it's gonna take a super-strength crane to carry him to a decent match, so I'm just going to have to concentrate on running circles around him until he passes out. All that matters tonight is me taking back my cruiserweight belt from his lard-stained paws. And, I suppose, a victory over the #5 contender for the heavyweight title won't do me any harm in the rankings, either. So Two Ton, haul your fat ass up to the ring, and I'll make sure you hit the headlines!"
(We shift back to the announce team)
Kern: Well, it looks as if the champ is ready.
Marx: He better be! I'm not a fan of Ton's in-ring work, but he IS a big man, so Dan's got his work cut out for him.
Kern: For once a reasonable match analysis from Jeff Marx.
Smith: What exactly do you mean by BIG, Jeff?
(Jeff sighs as we head to the ring for our first match.)
Clay: The following match is for one fall. Making his way to the ring at this time, from Baltimore, Maryland, standing 6'4" and weighing more than any man has a right to, 2T:2K1!
(Lightning crackles over a black night background on the jumbotron. A second bolt of lightning signals the opening chords of the Metallica classic, Unforgiven. As the first verse ends, a large figure billows out from behind the curtain, and reveals himself as 2T:2K1, with the Cruiserweight belt slung over his shoulder. He takes a step forward, then turns and looks at the crowd. He half lifts his right hands and turns, pointing out parts of the audience then repeats the motion with his left hand. He then thrusts both hands into the air as lightning explodes across the jumbotron again. He walks down to the ring, cracking his knuckles, and climbs over the top rope.)
Clay: And his opponent, making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Buffy Vegas, from Hollywood, California, standing 5'11" and weighing 235 pounds, the PCW Cruiserweight Champion, "The A-list" Dan Hollywood!"
(Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers starts to play over the arena speakers as Dan Hollywood and Buffy Vegas appear at the entrance. They make their way to the ring and Hollywood takes off his big, crazy ass sunglasses. He rolls into the ring and starts jawing at 2T, pointing to the Cruiserweight strap still hung over his shoulder. The ref backs him off and takes the belt himself, handing it to a ring tech.)
The bell rings, and 2T lumbers at Hollywood. Hollywood ducks the big man's clothesline and kicks his left knee. 2T snarls, scoops Hollywood up and bodyslams him to the mat. 2T leaps high into the air (well, high for him, 3 inches for the rest of us) and tries to drop a big leg across Hollywood's chest, but Dan rolls out of the way as the ring shakes with the impact. As 2T lumbers to his feet, Hollywood bounces off the ropes and plants a dropkick in 2T's chest, barely making the behemoth take a step back. 2T laughs and motions for Hollywood to do it again. Hollywood obliges, and once again 2T no sells the move. 2T grins and slaps his chest, telling Hollywood to do it one more time. Hollywood comes off the ropes and dropkicks 2T's left knee, sending the big man crashing down to the mat. Hollywood quickly drapes 2T's thick leg across the bottom rope, grabs on to the top rope, jumps up, cannonballs down onto 2T's knee, trying to hyperextend it. He jumps up and repeats the cannonball. The ref backs him off with a 5 count. 2T rolls over and starts to climb back to his feet. Hollywood grabs him and tries to sling him into the ropes, but 2T pulls back on his arm and nails Hollywood with short arm clothesline. 2T picks Hollywood up and throws him into the corner, following it with a big splash, squashing Hollywood and dropping him to the mat. 2T picks up the dazed Hollywood and slings him into the opposite corner. 2T starts to charge to squash Hollywood again, but Hollywood drops to the mat and sends 2T's head into the bottom turnbuckle with a drop toe hold. Hollywood quickly applies a half crab to 2T's left leg, continuing to try to take the leg out from under the big man. 2T reaches out and grabs the bottom rope, and the ref starts a 5 count 1234 and Hollywood releases the hold at the last second. He climbs to the second turnbuckle as 2T begins to climb to his feet, favoring his leg, back to the turnbuckle. Hollywood leaps off and bulldogs 2T back down to the mat. He rolls 2T over onto his back, and applies a figure four leglock. 2T shouts with pain and slaps the mat then starts to try to roll Hollywood over. Hollywood fights back and gets 2T back squarely on his back, applying more pressure to that left knee. The ref checks to see if 2T submits, but 2T reaches up with a meaty palm, places it in the ref's face, and pushes him away. 2T again tries to roll Hollywood over to reverse the hold, and finally succeeds. Now Hollywood is shouting in pain as he stretches his hand out, grasping the bottom rope. The ref untangles both men, and they both slowly climb to their feet, 2T obviously favoring his left leg. Hollywood starts throwing right hands at 2T, who no sells them and levels the smaller man with his mighty hamfist. 2T picks Hollywood up and smothers him between his ponderous man breasts in a bear hug. Hollywood squirms an arm out and rakes 2T's eyes. 2T drops Hollywood and clutches at his face, as Hollywood stumbles back into the corner, gasping for breath. 2T walks over to Hollywood, who lifts a leg up and kicks him in the gut, staggering the big man back. Hollywood charges at 2T, leaping into the air for a cross body block, but the big man catches him and drops forward, squashing Hollywood. The ref counts 12 and Hollywood somehow gets a shoulder up. 2T picks Hollywood up, but Hollywood uppercuts him in the family jewels. Hollywood slings 2T into the ropes and dropkicks him in the face, staggering the big man. He tries to sling 2T into the corner, but 2T puts on the brakes and slings him back into the corner behind him, squashing the ref between him. The ref crumples to the mat and Hollywood staggers back into the waiting clutches of 2T. 2T hoists Hollywood up in a side slam. 2T starts to slowly ascend the ropes to the top turnbuckle. Buffy Vegas runs over and wrestles the Cruiserweight belt out of the ring tech's hands and jumps up on the ring apron, slamming the belt into 2T's face. 2T shakes his head and drops back down to the mat. He reaches over and grabs Buffy, who tosses the belt in to a staggering Hollywood. Hollywood has the title belt and 2T has a hold of Buffy. Then, from out of nowhere, Jake Keeton comes out.
Kern: It's former PCW Crusierweight champion Jake Keeton! We haven't seen him since he lost his title.
Keeton sneaks up from behind Hollywood, spins him around, then hits him with The Inevitable. Meanwhile, 2T still has a hold of Buffy, then just knocks her one sending her to the floor below. At that moment, Keeton comes up from behind 2T and locks him in his No Future submission. He keeps it locked on until 2T is out. Keeton then looks at the carnage he created, hesitates, then lays Hollywood on top of 2T and leaves the ring. Once Keeton leaves, the ref comes back to and makes the count, 1........2........3
Winner: "The A-List" Dan Hollywood.
Kern: Dan Hollywood picks up a huge win..........
Marx: In more ways then one
Kern:.......and finally regains control of his title belt.
After the match, Dan slowly gets up as his arm is raised in victory. He then sees the CW title still laying there, picks it up, then celebrates. He climbs the turnbuckle and holds the title high in the air. In the meantime, 2T is getting back up. He's back to his feet as Dan celebrates more. 2T sits and waits as Hollywood gets down from the turnbuckle. Once down, 2T charges and squashes Hollywood in the corner, knocking him close to out. In the process, he drops the CW title belt. 2T sees it, picks it up, then leaves the ring once again having possession of the title.
Marx: HA! Ol' Dan STILL doesn't have his title.
Smith: Perhaps he'd like something a little bigger aroused..........I mean AROUND his waist.
A huge smack can be heard, followed by some wimpering.
Kern: Well, we gotta cut back to the parking lot where PFIK is standing by
[We are behind Madison Square Garden, outside the wrestler's entrance. The pimply faced intern kid is standing with a cameraman, shivering in the cold winter air.]
P.F.I.K.: "I hope this a$$hole gets here soon. He better not be jerking me around or I'll tell my mom."
[After a few seconds, a taxi comes racing into the parking lot and screeches to a halt. The cab is covered with graffitti and missing three out of the four hub caps. The hispanic cab driver, wearing a sombrero and clutching a half empty bottle of tequila, is laughing hysterically at the two men in the back. Out from the back jumps Mr. Simmons followed by Tyler Nelson, C.E.O. of Greed, Inc. Tyler has on a brand new suit and trench coat, freshly bought since his luggage was lost and stolen. Mr. Simmons on the other hand has on the same outfit as yesterday, stained with mud and dirty water from the day before.]
Tyler: "Hey homie, open el trunko...comprende?"
Cab driver (In a mocking latino accent): "O.K. ese! Why don't you come pay me my money, gringo! You owe me $150."
[Tyler's eyes get big and his voice a little higher pitched.]
Tyler: "What?!? We only went five blocks!"
Cab driver: "My stock portfolio isn't doing so hot so I had to raise my rates."
Tyler: "Whatever! Simmons, get my stuff out of the trunk then pay him."
[Mr. Simmons grabs the pet store sacks, a guitar case, and an amplifier out of the trunk and then pays the cabbie.]
Cab Driver: "Hasta la vista, punto!"
[With that the taxi rolls out of the lot as fast as it got there, almost running over some of the P.C.W. crew. Tyler walks over to where the pimply faced intern kid is with the cameraman.]
P.F.I.K.: "Well it took you long enough. My nut-sack is almost frozen."
Tyler: "Sorry buddy. It's not like you use it for anything."
P.F.I.K.: "Hey! you said you were going to be nice."
Tyler: "You're right, I did. But...I lied. Mr. Simmons if you will."
[Mr. Simmons takes a piece of duck tape and puts it over the P.F.I.K.'s mouth. Tyler points his finger right in the middle of P.F.I.K.'s face.]
Tyler: "Now stand there, hold that mic, and shut up!"
[He turns to face the camera.]
Tyler: "Jason Wulf, a 'man beast'. You have finally chosen to accept the prize in the inaugural "Tyler Nelson's Gonna Kick Your Ass" lottery. Well, being the holiday season and all I decided to throw in a few extra gifts which I will give you later on. I also took the time to listen to some of the heavy metal music you love so much. And to tell you the truth, I kind of dig it. I even rented the KISS concert on pay-per- view. It was the most...umm...well it was different. So in tribute to this new found musical interest of mine, I bought a guitar and amp and I am going to give a concert for all of these people here tonight."
[Tyler looks at his watch, then back at the camera.]
Tyler: "Would you look at the time. I gotta go get psyched up for my concert debut. See ya later on Mr. Wulf."
[Tyler starts to walk off, but comes back and rips the tape off of the P.F.I.K.'s mouth.]
P.K.I.K.: "AAAAHHHHHH! You dirty son of a..."
Tyler: "Now, now. That didn't hurt did it?"
[Tyler begins a hearty laugh and enters the building, with Mr. Simmons following and struggling to get in the door with his arms full. The camera fades out.]
Kern: That match will be NEXT!
(Commercial: PCW Shanghaied, January 28, 2001, live from Shanghai, China, only on PPV. Call your local cable or satellite provider to oder NOW.)
Kern: It's time for our next matchup between Tyler Nelson and Jason Wulf.
Marx: Also known as the first jobberfest in 2001.
[The lights dim and 'C.R.E.A.M.' by the Wu Tang Clan begins to blare over the P.A. system. The arena is filled with boos and flying debris. A money-green colored spotlight is directed at the entrance to the arena. Out from behind the curtain comes Mr. Simmons, in his dirty, stained outfit carrying the bags from 'Jim Bob's Pet Supplies' containing the pink collar, the 'Dog Training for Dummies' book, and the small dog kennell, as well as the guitar case and amp. Following close behind him is Tyler Nelson, C.E.O. of Greed, Inc. Tyler struts down the aisle wearing his wrestling gear and jaws back and forth with some fans, dodging popcorn and cups along the way. As they approach the ring, it can be seen that both men have their faces painted in some manner. Tyler climbs the steps to the ring and climbs through the ropes. He goes and stands on one of the corner turnbuckles and raises his arms with a big grin on his face, sending some spit down towards some fans in the front row. He looks back and sees Mr. Simmons still struggling to get in the ring with all that gear and shakes his head. He goes over and grabs the mic from the announcer.]
Tyler: "That's enough of the music...and hit the lights."
[The music stops and the lights come on to reveal the two mens faces. Tyler is painted as Bozo the Clown, and Mr. Simmons as the sidekick Cookie. The boos get mixed in with some laughter at the sight of the clowns.]
Tyler: "All you people need the shut the hell up. I'm about to give you all a free...heavy...metal...concert!"
[The boos get louder and trash begins to cover the ring.]
Tyler: "Simmons, get in here dammit!"
[Mr. Simmons stumbles into the ring, dropping everything in his hands.]
Tyler: "What the...do I have to do everything myself?"
[He goes over and grabs the guitar case and lays it down in the middle of the ring next to the amp. He opens the case and lifts up the contents over his head - a ukulele.]
Tyler: "I am gonna rock this house, baby!"
[He goes to plug in the ukulele to the amp, but there is no electrical plug-in on the instrument. Tyler shrugs his shoulders and begins to strum the miniature guitar and scream a bunch of illegible lyrics.]
Tyler: "WHAAAAAAAAAA WHOOOOOOOO YEAAAAHH! UH HUH, YEAH!"
[He starts to slam the ukulele on the mat, destroying it into splinters.]
Tyler: "Thank you! I love you! Thank you!"
[He then goes over to the camera with as much of a serious face as can be expected from the Bozo paint job.]
Tyler: "Jason Wulf, get out here so I can show you that Greed is Good!"
[Tyler throws down the mic and stands there staring at the entrance, waiting for his opponent.]
(Jason Wulf makes his way out)
The match bell tolls and Nelson launches himself straight at Wulf, grabbing him in a headlock, before using that momentum to throw Wulf against the mat. Nelson, quickly lays in a few snap kicks to Wulf's midsection, before backing up, allowing Jason to stand; who as he stands, looks around slightly staggered by Nelson's quick attack. Nelson starts shouting abuse at Wulf, who tries to catch Nelson in a rugby tackle, but Nelson whips Wulf into the corner, before slapping him roughly across the chest, and then quickly elbowing Wulf, before the ref splits them up.
Steven Smith: That's what I like to see.
Dave Kern: What's that?
Steven Smith: A quick hammering in the corner.
Dave Kern: Ewwww.
Wulf runs back towards Nelson, who again reverses, and whips Wulf into the ropes, and as he comes back, sticks out his arm for a clothesline, but Wulf ducks under, and in doing so, runs his shoulder into Nelson's thigh. Nelson, grabs his thigh in pain, and turns to grab Wulf again, but Jason is too quick, and kicks him in the gut, before DDT'ing him to the ground. He goes for the pin; the ref counts: 1. but Nelson kick's out, and gets to his feet to face Wulf down again. They lock up, and Wulf gets put into a hammerlock by Nelson, but Wulf pulls him to the ropes, and the ref breaks it up, and Nelson backs up, but Wulf charges back at him, and hits him with the Slasher! Nelson rolls around groggily on the floor, so Wulf pulls him to his feet, and lifts him high above himself in a gorilla press, drops him to his shoulder to go for Fangin ' and Bangin', but Nelson slips down behind Wulf, spins him around, and lifts him high above himself in a standing suplex, before dropping him back down to the mat. He goes for the pin, the ref counts: 1. 2. but Wulf kicks out as he hear's the second count. Wulf, looking a little worse for wear now, gets to his feet, but he looks up at his opponent and grins at him. He runs up to Nelson, but stops suddenly, and backs off; he does it again, Nelson looks a little bemused at Wulf's attempts at scare tactics. Wulf does it again, but Nelson is prepared, and runs and hits a shoulder block on him, before jumping on Wulf's chest, and punching him several times in the head, but the larger Wulf, throws him off behind him. Wulf stands to find Nelson leaning up against the ropes, so he runs at him, and clothesline his opponent over the rope, but his momentum sends himself over as well. The two competitors get to their feet, as the ref shouts at them to get back in the ring. The two start trading blows, they gradually make their way around to the announcer's table, as the ref starts the count: 1! Wulf grabs Nelson by the back of the head, and slams him face first into the announce table; Nelson falls to the floor. Wulf steps around the table, and grabs Steven Smith's jug of water, and starts to drink it straight from the jug. The ref shouts 2!
Steven Smith: Jason! Give me back my jug!
Dave Kern: You're being awfully brave Steven.
The ref shouts 3!
Steven Smith: I've had bigger.
Dave Kern: I'm sure you have.
Wulf looks down at Steven as he finishes off the water, and grins at him before tossing the jug to him. The ref shouts 4!
Jason Wulf: Keep the jug.
Steven Smith: Err. thanks.
Wulf walks back over to Nelson, and picks him up off the floor as the ref shouts 5! Wulf rolls him back into the ring, and climbs up the ring apron, before jumping over the ropes, he waits for Nelson to stand, and as he does, Wulf runs at him for another Slasher, but misses. Nelson gets behind Wulf, then rolls him up. he holds the tights as the ref counts, 1.......2......3
Winner: Tyler Nelson
Kern: Tyler Nelson defeats Jason Wulf in Wulf's return to PCW. I guess he was a little more focused this time around.
Marx: I would be too if I had just lost to Ryan Knox.
Kern: What's wrong with losing to Knox?
Marx: Look at Scott Naket and you'll know
Smith: Hehehe, you just bashed Naket, hehehe, buffoon
A slap can be heard, then more whimpering.
Kern: Well, our next match is a rematch from back in the day as Johnny Smith takes on Howard Porter.
Marx: Yeah, it's "Genetic Perfection" against "Jobber Perfection".
Smith: Doesn't "Jobber Perfection" have a win over Death Dealer, your hero.
Marx: death Dealer's not my hero! Clyde's my hero god damn it! Clyde is DA MAN and will be double champ by the end of the night.
Kern: I find that hard to believe
Marx: You better believe it BOYO!
(The camera feed switches back to the parking lot area)
Marx: NOW WHAT!
(Back there a car has pulled up. The door opens and out from the car walks.........STEPHEN BLOOD. With him is Rollerjam superstar Stacey Blitch. As they get out, a shadow lurks. Then, sneaking up from behind the couple looks to be "The One" Scotty Killer with steel chair and bandage. He slowly comes up from behind Blood and is about to whack him but Brock Newbludd stops him. Blood turns around and The Blood Brothers begin doing a number on Killer. Brock then pulls out a............PLAYSTATION CONTROLLER and chokes Scotty with it until he's about out. Once he feels Scotty has had enough, he lets him go, controller and all. Blood and Newbludd high five, then everyone, (except Killer), go in MSG.)
Kern: For the second time tonight, an attack by Scotty Killer has backfired.
Marx: Perhaps he'll stop the BS now. Not just for his sake, but for the program's sake. We DO want to last longer then ECW on TNN you know.
Smith: What's that?
Kern: Well, our next 2 fighters are in the ring. "The Scholar" will be taking on "Genetic Perfection" in what looks to be a bit of a grudge match.
Porter raises a finger at Johnny, and turns around to retrieve something from a small duffle bag; as he does so the ref moves to keep Johnny back. what Howard retrieves appears to be the latest edition of the AD&D rulebook, and two dice. He sets the book down in the centre of the ring, and opens it to a certain page, and then beckons Johnny over, to whom he hands a die.
Steven Smith: What are they doing?
Dave Kern: It would appear that Smith and Porter are rolling off to see who gets the first "go".
Johnny shrugs, and rolls his die, as does Porter. They both crouch over the open book to see what they get, when suddenly Porter grabs the book and slams it shut on Johnny Smith's testicular region, before pulling it away, and slamming it in the back of Smith's head. The ref grabs the book away from Howard, and hands it to an official on the outside, and calls for the bell for the match to start. Smith looks pretty irate at Porter, as he paces around the ring, but Porter knows better then to lock up with the man who's got a 60 lb weight advantage, and decides to go for hit and run tactics, charging it with a baseball slide to the shin, before rolling back away again. Smith stops walking around, and seems set to let Porter do all the work, as Howard runs in again with another baseball slide, but this time Smith anticipates it, and catches Porter by the legs as he slides in. Smith pulls Porter by the legs to the centre of the ring, and begins to spin, letting go of Porter at just the right time to send him flying into the corner, before charging in with a corner splash, to which Porter takes brutally. Smith grabs Porter by the head, and slams him face first into the turnbuckle, before throwing him back into the centre of the ring. Porter waves at the ref, and points outside the ring, the ref turns his back to look, and Porter punts Smith straight in the groin.
Steven Smith: Some people say that I might be related to Johnny Smith.
Dave Kern: I take it that's people who have never met you?
The ref turns back to see Porter grabbing Smith in a Mahiston Cradle, the ref counts: 1. but Johnny kicks out quickly, and pulls Porter up by his hair, before head butting the slightly shorter man back to the mat. Smith bounces off the ropes, and comes back with a leg drop across Porter's chest, he covers: 1. 2. but Porter gets his shoulder up just in time. Smith pulls Porter back up, and sends him back towards the corner with a series of stunning slaps, before giving him a good stomping in the midsection; but Porter crawls out under him, and Mafia Kick's him in the jaw, knocking him back into the corner, before mounting the second rope and punching him in the forehead; the crowd chant 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. but Smith grabs Porter and hits him with a sit-down Powerbomb, he goes for the pin again: 1. but Porter gets the shoulder up again; but this time rolls away from Smith. Porter steps outside of the ring for a quick breather, before Smith jumps through the ropes with a flying tackle, the ref climbs out of the ring, and pulls Johnny away, and sends him back inside the ring, before climbing back in there himself; Howard gets up slowly, but does make it back into the ring eventually. Johnny kicks him in the chest as he climbs through the ropes, and pulls him towards the centre of the ring, going for the DNA Death Drop, but Porter slips behind him, takes his feet away, and locks on the STROKE OF GENIOUS! Johnny struggles, but he does eventually get up to his feet; however Howard still isn't letting go, holding in the full nelson part of the move, so Johnny runs moves backwards towards the nearest corner, hoping to bash Porter off him; however once again Porter has superior tactics, and as soon as Johnny moves close enough, Porter kicks off the turnbuckle sending himself holding Johnny in a Full Nelson straight towards the mat, Johnny head first. As he hits the mat, he lets go, but the damage is done, he covers Smith for the pin and the ref counts: 1. 2. 3.!
Winner: "The Scholar" Howard Porter
Kern: Porter uses his quick wit to outsmart Johnny Smith and pick up the hard fought victory.
Marx: I don't think it takes too much to outsmart Johnny. He might be big, but he's dumb.
Smith: He's big alright
Another slap can be heard, followed by even more gay whimpering.
Kern: We've got to go to commercial. When we return..........
(Kern is cut off as a PCW camera shows the outside of the arena where Vegita stands with a gas can a torch. He puts the gas down and walks towards the camera.)
Vegita: PCW I told you that I wanted you to choose my opponents on Fusion and you refuse so you leave me no choice but to MAKE you choose right here tonight. I brought with me some "tools" and well let's just say that if you don't tell who I am facing at the pay per view and what angels you want me to play then there will be hell to pay and as for this jobber fest as you call it, it will be a jobber fest when you see me pinning all those so called saviors in the middle of your ring! You'll never be rid of me PCW and if you don't cave to my demands tonight the PCW will never be the same again!
(With those words, we cut to commercial.
Commercial: Turmoil is brought to you by Shawn Fanning and the rest of the friendly people at Napster.)
Kern: Ladies and gentlemen, all hell has broken loose during the commercial break.
Marx: Yeah, for the first time in history, he actually did a DAMN good thing.
Smith: You mean you give it a thumbs up?
Marx: A give it 2 thumbs up, but not where you'd like them.
Kern: Let's show the fans what we are talking about.
(The "MOMENTS AGO" thing is displayed in the bottom left corner. We watch as the Jumbotron plays the Napster commercial. Then we see Lars Ulrich, Dr. Dre, and Xzibit throwing garbage in the direction of the 'Tron. Moments later, a huge pop comes from the crowd. Running out from the back is former PCW Heavyweight champion DOUG TROY wearing a "Napster" shirt. He runs out and starts to beat the living crap out of Dr. Dre. Xzibit tries to step in but Doug smacks him around until he can't take anymore, thus forcing him to run away. Finally, a Doug/Lars confrontation comes before us. We see Lars lips moving but no sound comes out. Obviously he is lip syncing toward Doug, thus giving Troy no choice but to laugh at him. Lars is visibly upset and wuss slaps Doug Troy. Doug just looks at Ulrich, looking as if he's sorry for his selling out ways. He then winds up and barely hits the Metallica drummer. However, due to Lars being extremely weak, he is easily out for the count. He's about to head back to the locker room when he spots the MTV VJs. This gives DT a bright idea. He walks over to the ring, looks under it, then pulls out his legendary singapore cane. He then goes back and stands in front of the MTV workers. He walks back and forth in front of them like he's a drill leader or something. He then stops in front of a few of the MTV people. These people would be former VJ turned bad musician Jesse Camp, bad singer turned VJ Mandy Moore, and the oh so annoying host of TRL, Carson Daly. While the little girl looks confident, the other 2 look scared. Doug looks at all 3, thinking to himself over which one will get beat down. He then grabs Daly by the neck and pulls him up. Carson pleads for his life, and Doug responds by giving him the singapore cane. Carson looks at Doug, then the cane. He then swings for Doug but he ducks. The momentum causes Daly to nail Camp in the head knocking him out. DT then grabs Daly and hits him with THE TAKE. "Freeze Time" by 311 then blares with it's ska fury over the PA as he gets a huge pop all the way to the back.
We then return back live as many people are taken away on stretchers. Flaymin' Aymin and Baer-Man are in the ring waiting for their match.)
Kern: That happened during the break
Marx: I wish it would happen again. Do we really need to see another jobberfest this year. I mean, it's bad having 2 in one year, but we've already had 2 TONIGHT.
Smith: I'm looking foward to it
Marx: You look foward to seeing any man in tights.
Kern: Well, Flaymin Aymin, embarassed by Mr. Showtime Friday night, will try to redeem himself against Baer-Man.
Both men lock up with Baer getting the upper hand. He hits a couple knees to the gut of Aymin, then whips him into the ropes. Baer goes to hip toss him but Aymin blocks. Baer tries again, but blocked again by Aymin. Aymin then knees Baer a couple times before taking him down with an armdrag. Baer quickly gets up but is taken down by another armdrag. Aymin then takes Baer and tosses him over the top and down to the floor. Aymin quickly goes out after him. He pulls him up and smashes his head onto the announce table. Aymin then whips Baer right into the ringpost. Aymin is about to walk over to capatalize when he spots something to his liking. It is a steel chair. He grabs the chair as Baer is now leaning against the ring steps.
Marx: Well, maybe Baer-Man having his brains smashed will be entertaining.
Aymin swings the chair at Baer's head but Baer moves just in the neck of time. Aymin goes to hit Baer again but referee Bob Charlie grabs the chair from Aymin and tosses it away. Aymin doesn't like this and approaches the ref. Meanwhile, Baer gets up, grabs Aymin from behind, then drops him with an inverted DDT on the outside. Baer then rolls Aymin into the ring. he's about to go in himself until he spots the chair. Baer grabs it, then goes back into the ring. Baer waits for Aymin to get up as he readies for a chair shot. Once Aymin is up, Baer goes to swing but Bob Charlie grabs the chair from Baer and tosses it to the outside. Before Baer can do anything, Aymin kicks him in the gut, then hits him with The Scorcher. Aymin makes the cover, 1......2........3
WINNER: Flaymin Aymin
Once the match is done, Aymin rolls to the outside and grabs something from under the ring.
Kern: Well, Aymin has won the match, but I don't think he's quite done yet.
Smith: What's he doing?
Aymin enters the ring then holds something up in the air. It's a.......BLOWTORCH. He sparks it up, then goes closer and closer to Baer-Man. The ref urges Aymin to back off but is frightened by the Flaymin One. Aymin proceeds to light Baer-Man on fire. Baer-Man runs around like a crazy man due to the burning sensation of the flames.
Marx: Stop, drop, and roll you idiot!
Aymin laughs, then heads to the back as officials run out to put the fire out.
Kern: Well, Aymin looks to have a bit of a meanstreak inside of him.
Marx: Or a bit of Trashcan Man
Smith: Or a bit of Clyde
Marx: I always knew Aymin had skills!
Suddenly, "Mmmbop" by Hanson hits. The crowd boos loudly as "the Mack" Ed Novak appears on the ramp, and turns around, flexing and kissing his bicept. He grins a fake, callous grin to all the fans, and slides into the ring, picking up a mic as he goes.
"The Mack" Ed Novak: Well, it's time for the highlight of the card! Hey-lo, Maddison Square Garden!
The crowd boos.
Novak: You know, this arena has quite a history. This place affected the lives of many, many great men. Mick Foley. The Rock. Steve Austin. And, most importantly, me.
The crowd boos loudly at the comparison.
Novak: It was here, in the Garden, that I made my UFW debut, and immediately captured the hearts and respect of America! It was here, in the Garden, that I won the UFW Hardcore Title, finally getting my shot at Jake Douglas! Here, in the Garden, I participated in the most brutal match of my life against the Gimp! And here, tonight, I have decided to turn over a new leaf!
The crowd doesn't react much either way, confused.
Novak: No, I'm not going to start pandering to you jackasses again.
The crowd, on cue, starts booing again.
Novak: Instead, I'm changing my plans! I was going to try to break Asylum apart before through subtlety, maybe a mis-aimed chair shot or two. However, I didn't take into account how f*cking retarded the members of that group are!
The boo is nearly deafening, and "the Mack" pauses, wandering around until it subsides.
Novak: And so, instead of making like the pirahna and taking quick little bites that eventually completely devour Asylum, I'll make like the crocodile and just bite it's legs off. Tonight, Trashcan Man's going to get a bit munched off, but not his whole leg. He'll escape the croc's wrath tonight. But I hope you remember what it feels like, and I hope you realize that soon, very soon, you're going to be eaten. And the last thing you'll hear before I swallow you whole is, I've got "it", baby!
"Mmmbop" hits again, and "the Mack" slides out of the ring and walks up the ramp, ignoring the booing fans.
Marx: I'm not feeling so good
Smith: That's got to be the best segment all night
Marx: That's why I'm so sick
Kern: Well, Ed Novak, as always, gives his thoughts on the situation. When we return..........hold on, there's more activity going on in the back.
(We cut to the back to see Vegita dosing a can of gas onto an ambulance. He then motions for the cameraman to come closer.)
Vegita: I told you not to mess with me, I told you there would be hell to pay. Now anything else that happens here tonight is on your heads PCW!
(Vegita tosses the torch on top of the ambulance and laughs as it flames in the night air. Running off in the night Vegita laughs as he is surly loosing his mind)
Marx: What's with all the fire!?!
Smith: Maybe Veggie's still hungover from the party. I know that while I was drunk I...........
Kern: Extreme title match up right after this!
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by the great people at Shazbot. Although Kid Wonder may be able to pass as a spokesperson for Bisquick right now, he reminds you to enjoy the great, NON-watered down taste of Shazbot ORANGE SODA.)
Kern: During the break, even more went down backstage at the Garden.
Marx: Why is all the good stuff happening during the break tonight?
Smith: This wasn't good! This was terrible!
(The "MOMENTS AGO" display is shown again. Backstage we see a trashcan just sitting there. Then into the picture comes that man that always wears the MWF shirt and is wearing a Boy George mask. He also appears to be carrying a load of CDs. He walks up to the trashcan and looks at the disks. He then begisn to throw some of them into the can, reading them as he goes along.
MWF Guy: Aguilera, get rid of that. Limp Bizkit, bunch of panzis. Metallica, sellouts. Baby One More Time, garbage. Sooner or Later, shoulda got rid of sooner. So Rea....oh, can't get rid of that.
He inserts a disk into his back pocket. In the background we see rapper Eminem enter the picture.
MWF Guy: Marshall Mathers LP, tenny-bopping garbage. Vanilla Ice......WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!
He inserts the Vanilla Ice "To the Extreme" CD in his pocket. Eminem has approached the trash can with a cardboard box. We're gonna guess it was Ned's old home. He tosses it in the trash can. The man in the mask sees Eminem and is interested in him.
MWF Guy: You're Eminem, aren't you?
Em nods his head. The man in the mask forms a smile, then kicks him and hits him with a seated crucifix powerbomb. He then puts him directly into a Liontamer-esque submission hold and keeps it there for a minute until we are back live.)
Kern: We're back live and the fire still burns in the trash can.
Marx: You know, all that looked vaguely familiar.
Kern: I'm sure it did.......(under his breath)wacko.
(We cut to the back to see the fire still burning and Eminem laid out. Next to the burning can is a piece of paper all folded up. As we watch the fire burn, who should enter but Ultmate Warlord. He has a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire. He then starts to remove the corny disks from the trash can. he places the burnt Eminem CD next to the badly hurt rapper. Once he finishes putting the fire out, Vegita attacks him from behind. Vegita beats the bloody hell out of Ultimate Warlord until he's out cold. he then looks right into the camera.)
Vegita: See what I have done to this pathetic fool of yours? I hope that you can come up with better choices for opposition at the pay per view. PCW don't make me wait any longer!
(He then looks and sees the slip of paper. He unfolds it and reads it.)
Kern: What does that paper say?
(He looks at it once more before getting a grin on his face. he then drops the paper. The camera zooms in to see that the name of Johnny Smith has been written on the paper.)
Marx: I guess "Jobbed to Porter" will be one of Vegita's opponents on the 28th.
Kern: Looks that way
Smith: I hope Johnny beats up that bad man! He beat up poor Warlord.
Marx: Where was Boda during all that? I mean, we've seen the same thing before but Boda was there.
{As if that was a signal, "Rollin" by Limp Biskit hits the speakers as Boda makes his way down to the ring through his pyros.}
Marx: Why did I have to open my mouth
Kern: For once I agree with you
Smith and Kern chuckle over that
{Boda is carrying a duffell bag and is not dressed in his usuall attire. It also seems that Boda has grown hair. Short blonde hair. Boda throws his duffel bag into the ring , reches under the apron and pulls out a garbage can and a gasoline can. He finally climbs into the ring and asks for a mic...}
Boda: Well , Well ,Well... I guess no one here gives a flying monkey's rear where Boda has been for the past 2 weeks. Hell I went from being a number one contender for the Extreme Title to being noone because I took some time off after Decimation. Well during that 2 week layoff... I took some time to look back at my short , "carreer" here at PCW. And you know what...Besides from being The Extreme Champion for 2 Days.. the rest of my time here basically sucked. NO ONE cared for BODA..I was treated as a jobber... BEAT BY SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. Well , Tonight it is over!!
{Boda sets the Garbage Can up....takes his duffell bag and opens it...}
Boda: Say goodbye to the PCW Boda basketball jerseys,
{throws a bunch of jerseys in the can)
Boda: Say goodbye to the Boda picture books,
{throws albums into the can also}
Boda: Say goodbye to the matches I held here especialy with Shaq,
{throws away some tapes from the bag}
Boda: Finally... all you no good , trailer park living , fat , ugly , marks of PCW fans...say goodbye to the career of NBA Superstar/PCW wrestler Boda....
{Throws away his contract with PCW... looks around and then pours gas in the can and lights the contents on fire...}
Boda: Now I want all you idiots in the crowd to say hello to the new savior of the PCW... "Hardknocks" Chris Allen. I am done with the dumb NBA gimmick and this is the true me. I am back and better than ever and I WILL BECOME CHAMPION ONCE AGAIN I PROMISE YOU THIS. I am 6 foot 11 inches of extreme. 350 pounds of hardcore and all around... P...C...W...sensation. Whether you like it or not I am here to stay and I will once again riegn supreme. This is also an open challenge for any of the fools in the back that want to be schooled , the HARDKNOCKS way. Any one in the back... this friday.. any type of match.. you let me know.
{"Hardknocks" Chris Allen drops the mic... flips of the people...they boo in response and Chris Allen seems to smile at the chorus of boos.. "Rollin" hits the speakers again as C.A. makes his way backstage. Mean while the remnants of Boda's carreer still burns in the trashcan in the ring.}
Marx: What's with the friggin fire!?!
Smith: So he finally got rid of that gimmick
Kern: Boda will forever be known now as "Hardknocks" Chris Allen
Marx: He'll forever be known as a jobber extraordinaire in my mind
Kern: Well, no matter what his name is, I'm sure he has his eyes set on the Extreme title and holding it once again. Now let's get to our Extreme title match as Clyde challanges Trashcan Man.
Clyde goes right after TCM with a trash can lid. TCM responds by going after Clyde with a trash can.
Marx: RUN CLYDE!
Clyde goes after TCM with the lid but TCM blocks all Clyde's attempts. he then hammers him in the skull with the trash can. TCM drops the can after another blow to the head, then starts to drop knees on Clyde's ribs. TCM stomps away at Clyde before pulling him up and tossing him from the ring. He immediately goes out after him. TCM starts hammering Clyde, but Clyde fights back. The two men, already early in the match, fight all the way up to the stage. Clyde starts to get the upper hand on TCM and is hitting him with some stiff kicks. He then drops TCM with a standing dropkick. Clyde makes the cover on TCM on the stage, 1.....2.....kick out. Clyde pulls TCM up and already tries to throw him off the stage. TCM knows what Clyde is trying to do and is one step ahead of him. TCM elbows Clyde a few times in the stomach, then hits him with a snap suplex on the stage. TCM covers, 1.......2...Clyde kicks out. TCM gets up and, instead of punishing the RS champ some more, goes for his trash can. As TCM grabs his can, Clyde rises back to his feet. TCM turns around to see a charging Clyde. Actually thinking for once, TCM lets go of the can and Clyde hits it with a strong lariat and sends it down the ramp. Clyde seems surprisingly pleased with knocking out the trash can.
Marx: That's it, kick that can's ass!
But when Clyde turns around, he is kicked hard by TCM. TCM then sets Clyde up for a powerbomb. He thinks about doing it on the stage but thinks twice. he then lines Clyde up to do it off the stage. TCM lifts Clyde high in the air and goes for a sitting powerbomb off the stage. About half way down though, Clyde turns it into a wicked huricanrana. TCM goes flying into the guardrail, clearly missing the table. Clyde, however, ends up going through the table, but is not as hurt as originaly planned by the champ. Both men look to be out as the ref, Buzz Meacham, begins the 10 count for both men to show life. As Meacham draws closer to 10, Clyde slowly crawls over and drapes an arm over TCM.
Marx: YES!
1........2.....TCM gets a shoulder up
Marx: NO!
Clyde slowly pulls TCM up and pulls him all the way toward the ring. He whips TCM into the ring apron, then grabs the trash can and hits him in the head with it. Clyde then throws the can away, (if that's possible), and rolls TCM into the ring. Clyde quickly follows and covers, 1........2.....TCM kicks out.
Marx: Finish him off CHAMP!
The Rising Star champ grabs the trash can lid from the start of the match and waits as TCM slowly gets up. Once TCM gets to his feet, Clyde goes to hit him. TCM ducks the swing though, then grabs Clyde and drops him with the Pyro Driver.
Kern: That's it! This one's over! Trashcan Man...........what the!?!
Out from the back runs Jonathan Leary
Marx: It's "Mr. Conspiracy" Jonathan Leary coming to Clyde's rescue!
He has a steel chair in his hand as he comes int he ring. Meanwhile, TCM covers not knowing about Leary, 1.......2....Leary nails TCM in the back with the chair. He then cracks him across the skull. Clyde starts to get up.
Marx: YES!
Leary doesn't hesitate and whacks Clyde with the chair as well. He then places the chair onto Clyde's head and goes up top. he leaps off and hits his finisher, The Conspiracy Theory, on Clyde. Before Leary can do anything else though, the arena goes dark.
Smith: Through hell, fire, and brimstone, it's................
The next thing we hear is the sound of a table breaking. The lights then cut back on to see Steven Smith laid out through the remnants of the announce table. Jonathan Leary is waiting, looking at the entryway. Meanwhile, Miyagawa is in the ring standing right behind Leary. He spins Leary around and hits him with the Spinning Stunner. Miyagawa then drags Leary all the way up the ramp where a body bag is waiting. He places Leary in the body bag and drags it away.
Kern: I wonder what Miya's gonna do to him
Marx: Who cares! He mighta just cost Clyde the Extreme title!
Kern: So what
Both Clyde and TCM struggle to get to their feet inside the ring. When they are both up, Clyde goes to punch TCM but it's blocked. He tries again, but it's blocked again. TCM then starts to punch away at Clyde as "Mmmbop" starts playing. Out from the back races "The Mack" Eddie Novak holding Danny. TCM grabs Clyde and hits him with another Pyro Driver. Novak then enters the ring, spins TCM around, and nails him with the chair. TCM goes down in a hurry as Novak leaves the ring. Clyde is barely moving as TCM is out, busted wide open. Clyde scoots over toward TCM and puts his arm over the champ's chest, 1......2......3
WINNER and NEW Extreme champ: Clyde
Marx: HA! Told ya Clyde would be a double champ by night's end. What do you got to say now?
Kern: We've just been handed this note. Due to Clyde's Extreme title win moments ago, he has been stripped of the Rising Star title.
Marx: WHAT!?!
Kern: The title will be up for grabs, next Tuesday, as the #1 contender to the title, Mr. Showtime, will meet Jeremy "Krayzie" Howard.
Marx: That's a load of horsesh*t.
Kern: Well, up next we'll have 2 time tag team champion Brock Newbludd taking on "The One" Scotty Killer.
(We cut to the outside of MSG to show a new abulance arriving due to the fact the old one was burned to death by Vegita. As it tries to enter the parking lot, it accidentaly hits a dumpster and engulfs in flames. The dumpster, being filled with trash, (and Ned), also lights on fire. We see Ned hop out and start to stop, drop, and roll as we cut back to Marx and Kern at a broken table and a laid out Smith.)
Kern: Both men have entered the ring. Tonight hasn't really been Scotty's night.............
Marx: When IS it his night
Kern: Maybe he'll turn things around right here.
Scotty jumps all over Brock as his back is turned. He hammers away at the back of Newbludd until Newbludd is down. Killer then begins to kick at the ribs of Brock before choking him on the bottom rope. Referee Speedy Riggs, apparent father of former PCW wrestler Adam Riggs, tells Scotty to break. Killer, instead of using the rope, uses his hands instead to choke Brock. Once done that, he covers, 1.......2....kick out by Newbludd. Scotty pulls Brock up and sends him into the ropes. Scotty bends over and Brock sees it. He kicks him right in the chest, then starts chopping away at Killer. Brock whips Scotty into the corner but Killer just bounces right out and takes Brock down with a vicious clothesline. Scotty makes another cover, 1......2.....kick out by Brock. Scotty lifts Brock up and hits him with a brainbuster. Scotty covers, 1......2....he pulls Brock up showing that cocky attitude. Scotty sends Newbludd into the corner. Scotty then charges in but Newbludd gets a boot up. He then charges at Scotty but Scotty grabs him and hits him with a belly to belly. Scotty covers yet again, 1........2.....Scotty pulls Newbludd up again. Scotty now sets Brock up for his finisher, The Killer. Scotty has him in position and lifts him up, but Brock turns it into a facebuster. Scotty gets back up and Brock kicks at him. Killer grabs the foot of Brock and spins him around. He goes for a lariat but Newbludd ducks it, then nails him with a side kick to the side of the head. Brock signals for the Sky Twister Press, then heads up top. He waits for Scotty to be in position, then comes off and nails the Sky Twister Press. Newbludd covers, 1........2........3
WINNER: "The Innovator" Brock Newbludd.
Kern: Scotty Killer's cocky attitude costs him this match.
Marx: He might call himself "The One", but so did Big J. And we all know Big J is a silly little jobber. Plus Scotty will probably never get "The One"............victory that is. HAHAHA!
Kern: Our tampex main event is up right after this.
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Tampex)
Marx: When was the last time we had a REAL main event?
Kern: We have a main event every show
Marx: I mean one that's actually BELIEVABLE. I mean, Jon Kano might rock and all, but he's not a main eventer.
Kern: Well, despite what you might want.........(under his breath)Clyde in the main event......(back to norm)We're gonna have a good ol' fashion street fight between Jon Kano and Johnny Raindance.
We cut back to the parking lot where Kano is waiting for JRD. JRD emerges into the picture and spots Kano. He starts to approach Kano until........WHAM, a black car with tinted windows backs right into JRD and a fairly high speed. The car, sporting Shanghai plates, speeds off into the NYC night. Kano looks down at the motionless JRD and covers, 1.......2.......3
WINNER: Jon Kano
Kern: What the hell just happened!?!
Marx: Umm, I believe our Indian friend was just run over. Now he knows how it feels.
Kern: This just ain't right! Who would do suck a thing!?!
Marx: Well, I'd say Kano, but he can't be it. Unlike Kano, I have a brain. He just ROCKS! And by looking at the plates, I have a pretty good idea on who it was.
Kern: Well, Jon Kano picks up a very tainted win over Johnny Raindance. We don't know the extent of the injuries to the Souix Warrior. Hopefully we'll get an update and give you more info on it on Fusion. For Jeff Marx and the idle Steven Smith, I'm Dave Kern. We'll see you this Friday NORTH OF THE BORDER. Good night!