Tuesday Turmoil Results for January 23, 2001
from the Molsson Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada
The show opens to the sounds of "Come As You Are" from Nirvana, as slow motion black and white replay highlights of this Sunday's Main event participants Doug Troy, Lackostress, Kid Wonder, Trashcan Man and PCW World Champion, Reverend Jon Hull.
The highlights role on slowly, and seem to be focusing on the drastic differences in lifestyle, look and attitude between each of the five combatants.
As the tempo of the song speeds up, the highlighted replays follow in kind. The final shot of the promo hits the screen as the song ends, showing all five men on the screen with a referee holding up their arms victoriously.
The usual opening segment of Tuesday Turmoil depicting wrestlers standing amidst the ruins of a burning and plundered city begins rolling across the screen with "Head Like a Hole" from Nine Inch Nails providing a musical backdrop. Wrestlers highlighted in the shows opening segment are PCW Continental Champion Jon Kano, PCW Television Champion Bang Davenport, Tyler Nelson, Kid Wonder, Homicidal Anthony Cay and Clyde.
The scene shifts to the inside of the sold out Molson Center in Montreal Canada as red pyros shoot off from the ring posts and arena entryway while "Tom Sawyer" from Rush blares across the PA system. The cameras zoom around the arena scanning the crowd. The cameras pause briefly to focus on a French Canadian Beauty, wearing a cut off PCW Scott Naket T-shirt, then shift to a whole group of fat women holding up huge poster of The Chef then finally on former PCW Wrestler, and the pride of Canada, Troy Brown, who waves and smiles at the camera just as PCW security arrives and pummels him into submission.
The scene shifts to the announcer's table.
Dave Kern: Hello everyone, and welcome to Primetime Championship Wrestling's Tuesday Turmoil! We are coming to you live from the sold out Molson Center in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. I am Dave Kern, and alongside me here at my announce table are my partners Jeff Marx and Steven Smith. Guys, we are just 5 short days away from Shanghai-ed, and tonight, we will see four out of five of this Sunday's main event as Doug Troy and Lackostress will take on Trashcan Man and Kid Wonder.
Jeff: The bigger question is, why was PCW World Heavyweight Champion and the fifth man in this Sunday's Main Event, Reverend Jon Hull, left out of tonight's main event?
"Spirit in the sky" hits the PA system as the lights begin to flicker with each guitar riff. The crowd immediately begins to whistle their disapproval, since the French-speaking sissies in Montreal consider booing to be borish.
As soon as the other instruments join in with the guitar, white explosions go off all over the arena.
Dave: Whoa!!! Looks like you are gonna get your answer Jeff, because here comes the Reverend!
The Reverend appears at the top of the ramp dressed in white suit and with the world title buckled nicely around his waist. The boos from the crowd grow louder as Reverend makes his way energetically down to the ring condemning people for their sins along the way. He jumps up on the ring apron and enters through the top and second ropes. He walks to the other side of the ring and asks for a microphone. He snatches it from the ring announcer and walks back to the middle of the ring.)
Reverend: I figured that since I am the world champion of the greatest fed on earth that maybe it would be best if the show started with Reverend beginning the show and likewise Reverend ending the show. Something you sinners almost didn't have the pleasure of seeing but thank God Booker came to his senses and realized that you can't have a main event without God's Champion!
(Disapproving whistles heat up from the crowd again.)
Reverend: Sneer all you want someday soon you will realize that the man you are currently chastizing is the same man that was trying to save you from eternal damnation. A few of you have answered my call of redemption, but most haven't and this is something you will pay for in the last days. Just as my opponents tonight and my opponents at Shanghai'ed, you will all know someday what it is like to be looked down on with favor from the Lord. Tonight God will look down on me with much favor. First I will defeat Tyler Nelson and Dan Hollywood with some help from Jason Wulf and then I will go back to the locker room, put on a zebra shirt and come back out ready to be the authority figure in tonight's main event.
Dave: What?!?! The Reverend Jon Hull is going to referee tonight's main event? Is that what he just said?
Jeff : Yes. Do me a favor and clean that crap out of your ears and then I won't have to do play-by-play recaps of the promos for you.
Reverend: Tonight, I will be proving once again, that I am the most powerful force in this federation. Booker knows it, PhD, where ever he might be, knows it, the wrestlers in the back know it, and all of you out there in the crowd and watching at home on television know that I am the power of PCW. None greater, all lesser! Soon you will all realize how powerful God has allowed me to come. I pray that he may have mercy on every soul that stands in my way.
Tonight, Lackostress, Trash Can Man, Doug Troy, and Kid Wonder, I expect nothing but respect and honor given to me because when I put on that zebra shirt I am your God! As for Nelson and Hollywood, find a comfortable spot in the arena where you'd like to be beaten down time and time again. For everyone else, join me. or face damnation. GOD HAS SPOKEN!
Reverend throws down the microphone as "Spirit in the Sky" blares over the PA again. He steps out of the ring and condemns the sinners of the crowd as he makes his way back up the ramp and disappears into the back.
Steven: (simpering) We better follow Rev, or we will be damned to hell.
Jeff: Every Tuesday, Friday and on a select Sunday every month, when I sit down here at this announce table next to you, I am in he hell. In fact, sulphur, brim stone, and eternal torment would be a welcomed respite from having to listen to the crap that flows from that knob-bobbing
Dave: (interrupting, quickly) OKAAAY!!! Looks like we are ready for our first match of the evening! Let's head to the ring!
"Hot Stuff" by Donna Summers blasts over the arena as the Funkmaster Johnny G. cheezily struts his way to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: Now Making his way to the ring, he hails form Las Vegas, Nevada......JOHNNY "HOT STUFF" G.
(The arena lights go out. "The Role Model" flashes across the PCWtron. "Pink Maggit" by The Deftones hits the sound system. Blue and silver pyros shoot out from the stage towards the ceiling, followed by silver sparklers. Blue lights flash around the arena, and Ian walks out onto the stage. Ian stands on the top of the stage smiling at the crowd. He slowly makes his way down to the ring. He stands next to the ring and reaches up and grabs the second rope. He pulls himself up to the apron and looks around the arena smiling. He steps under the third rope and into the ring. )
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, He hails from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, IAN "THE ROLE MODEL" PRESTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Preston and JG waste no time and immediately start to trade shots back and forth in the center of the ring. Preston starts to get the best of the exchange he whips JG into the ropes and nails him with a hook to the body that keels JG over. Preston then follows up with a bulldog to the mat. Preston makes a quick cover.........1.........2....JG kicks out. Preston pulls JG to his feet and delivers a text book snap suplex. Preston keeps the suplex locked in and rolls back to his feet and delivers another snap suplex. Preston keeps it locked again and gets back to his feet. This time he lifts JG into a vertical suplex then drops JG down into a brain buster. Preston covers.......1............2......JG sneaks the shoulder up! Preston starts to drag JG to his feet but JG lays into Preston with a low blow. Preston drops to his knees gasping for air while holding his bean bag. JG steps back and delivers a decapitating kick to Preston's face. Preston keels over to the mat as if he were knocked out cold. JG scoops a weary Preston to his feet. JG gut wrenches Preston in the air but then drops him down into an amazing sit-down piledriver...........1...............2..........Preston gets his shoulder up. JG brings Preston to his feet and sends him flying into the corner. Preston crashes hard then drops to the canvas like a bag of sand. JG runs and delivers an elbow drop to the back of Preston's head. JG turns Preston over and covers him........1.............2..........Preston gets his foot on the rope. JG brings Preston to his feet and attempts to whip him into the ropes but Preston reverses it and sends JG into the ropes. JG holds onto the ropes but Preston clobbers him with a running lariat sending him up and over to the floor. Preston backs up a few steps then runs to springboard to the outside but slips causing him to fall and bounce back first on the top rope then springs down to the floor on the outside.
Marx: That was the biggest blown spot I've ever seen!
Steven: That was nothing! Do you know how many blown
Dave: (interrupting) OK.Let's just stop it right there!
Steven: (peeved) I was going to say, Jeff has no idea how many terribly missed spots I had to endure while calling matches involving the Lightning Kid in UFW.
JG gets to his feet and pulls Preston up. The ref begins to count......1..............2......JG goes to lift Preston up for a body slam but Preston slips out the back and pushes JG head first into the ring post.....3........... but JG hits his head with such impact on the steel his head snaps back and clobbers Preston in the face. knocking both men to the floor......4.........5..............6.............7......Johnny G gets to his feet and begins to climb onto the apron. Preston grabs at Johnny G's foot..9..Johnny G. kicks free and rolls beneath the bottom rope..10!
Winner via countout: Johnny G Time: 3:44
Dave: So Johnny G. makes a victorious return to PCW with a win over impressive looking newcomer Ian Preston.
Jeff: Nothing like a yawner at the beginning of the card to allow our viewers to see what else on in the tube!
Steven: Well, there isn't any match in the world that could do justice as a lead in to our next matchup
Jeff: Jesus, is that Kano/Love Inferno match next?
Steven: YES!!!
Jeff: I am grab a hot dog and hit the head. You two want anything?
Steven: (giggling) You said "grab a hot dog" AND "hit the head!"
Dave: (sighing) Let's head to the ring.
"It's Raining Men" by Weather Girls blasts throughout the arena.
Steven Smith: Oooh yeah! Here the come! Woohoo! (singing) Yeah, It's raining me...
(a loud smack is heard)
Jeff: Stop dancing you moron!
Clay Clayborne: This match is a handicap match! First, on their way to the ring, hailing from the bedroom they share, THE LOVE INFERNO
( As Boca and Precious Peter gaily strut out onto the stage. They look toward another in a look of passion, they go to hug and show each others affection for one another.)
Steven Smith: DO IT!! COME ON DO IT!!
(The two "men" stop as the crowd boos and begins to throw trash at the men. They then shake hands and make their way to the ring.)
(camera switches to a shot of the PCW commentating booth)
Steven Smith: Dammit! I thought we were going to see some real action for a change. Gay love equals ratings.
( Marx looks at Steven Smith shaking his head in disgust.)
Jeff: Sometimes you have no concept of what the "normal" world is all about. How the hell do you keep your job?
Steven Smith: At least I can spell biased, dumbass.
Another smack is heard followed by a wimper.
(Kano comes out to "Come and Get Me" by Jay-Z. As he comes through the entrance way a huge explosion of pyros, lights, and fire come from the stage. He usually walks calmly and calculated towards the ring. He walks up the stairs and over the top rope.)
Clay Clayborne: And their opponent, he hails from Las Vegas, Nevada...He is the PCW Continental Champion..................JON KANO!!!!
Dave: We should remind our fans at home, that the Continental Title IS NOT on the line tonight!
Steven: But it will at Shanghai'd, and you can guarantee that The Ultimate Warlord will be walking away with the strap on Sunday.
Jeff: Yeah, we all know he'll walk away with "a strap" but he has about as much of a chance of winning the Continental Title this Sunday, as you do of throwing a snow ball throw a blast furnace.
Steven: (confused) Are you saying The Ultimate Warlord is not likely to win?
Dave: (sighing) Yes, Steven, that is what he is saying.
As soon as Kano steps in Boca charges at him only to be met with a huge boot to the face that turns him inside out. Precious Peter catches Kano with a series of open hand chops. Kano brushes them off and delivers a thrusting chop to the throat of PPL. PPL grasps at his throat as he begs for air. Kano hoists him up onto his shoulder and delivers a running powerslam. Kano covers......1...........2.....Boca makes the save. Boca pulls Kano to his feet and whips Kano hard to the corner. Boca and PPL start working Kano over with chops, punches and kicks to the midsection. Kano suddenly fires back with shots of his own. he grabs Boca by the back of the head and throws him over the top rope. He then takes PPL to the mat with a running lariat. Kano delivers a leg drop to PPL. Instead of going for the pin Kano picks PPL up and delivers a huge KANOPLEX!!!!!
Steven Smith: I can't take this!
(The sound of head phones dropping is heard.)
Marx: Where are you going you idiot?
Suddenly Steven Smith slides in the ring with a steel chair. He runs up behind Kano and hits Kano with a weak, limp wristed chair shot. Kano gets a look of confusion on his face then turns and sees Steven Smith holding the chair. Steven opens the chair up and places it on the mat. He points to it as to make it look like he hit him with the chair so Kano could sit down. Kano raises his hand like he is going to backhand Smith. Steven Smith turns and runs and springs over the ropes back to the booth. Boca suddenly tries to attack Kano from behind but Kano senses the attack.. Kano hoists Boca high into the air...... KANOPLEX ON THE CHAIR!!!!!! Kano lays Boca on top of PPL then covers both men........1............2.........3!!!
Winner: JON KANO Time: 4:21
Steven: (panting) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Kano points out to the announce table and begins to jaw at Kano.
Dave: Uh oh! Steven, run for it!
Kano slides out of the ring as Steven jumps over the guard rail and begins to flee through the crowd. Kano leaps up on the announce table and into the crowd in hot pursuit.
Dave: OK, we need to head to a commercial! When we return, hopefully Steven will rejoin us, unharmed.
Jeff: (in a plotting manner) Ya know, maybe Kano can kidnap Steven and stash him wherever he has PHD hidden.
Dave: (sighing) We will be right back.
(Commercial: PCW Shanghaied, Sunday, January 28th, 2001, Live, only on Pay-Per-View!! Call you cable company or local Satelitte provider today!)
Dave: Ok, welcome back. Take a look at what just happened moments ago.
The scene shifts to the backstage area, where Steven Smith is shown running towards the camera. A small graphic in the lower, right hand corner of the screen reads "Moments Ago" The camera angle changes to a shot from behind Smith, showing he has trapped himself in an area of the arena without any exits.
Suddenly, Jon Kano appears, with a wicked looking smile on his face.
Kano: (cracking his knuckles)Look what we have here! Looks like the rat trapped himself in his own maze.
Suddenly, the massive Ultimate Warlord appears behind Kano and grabs him from behind. Kano tries to break free, but the 7'0, 450lb Ream Team stable member's grip is too strong.
Steven Smith giggles, rushes forward, then gives Kano a limp-wristed slap to the face. Kano, then back kicks, catching the Ultimate Warlord in the Ultimate Soft Spot, causing him to release Kano and double over. Kano follows by nailing UW with a face buster to the hard concrete floor. The UW is out.
The camera shifts back to Steven Smith, whose giggling expression has now switched to a look of fear and panic.
Kano turns and growls at Smith.
Kano: (cracking his knuckles) Now, where were we?
Kano takes a step towards Smith, but a baseball bat to the back knocks him to the floor. The camera pans out to show Shadowman, the Ultimate Warlord's tag team partner as the culprit. Fellow Ream Team members Boca del Inferno and Precious Peter Love rush onto the scene and begin stomping on the downed Kano.
Kano attempts to fight through the stomps and kicks of Shadowman, Smith, Inferno and Love, but the four are just too much. Finally, PCW security rush to the scene to break up the fray.
The scene shifts back to the announce table to show a smug looking Steven Smith sitting smugly, with his arms folded across his chest.
Dave shakes his head.
Dave: (sneering) You are proud of yourself, aren't you?
Steven: Yep!
Dave: (disgusted) We are going to head to the back where I am told our Tiffany Jacobs is standing by with PCW newcomer Myst. Tiffany!
Tiffany: Thanks guys! Myst, I have a few questions for you. First of all why did you join PCW?
Myst: I heard of the great wrestlers here and it would be foolish for me to go any other place. If I want to become a better wrestler I must fight the best that is the only way I can reach my goal?
Tiffany: Your Goal?
Myst: Simply put to be the strongest alive ,to redeem myself for being so weak in the past. But that is behind me now I will take all challenge I will never take second best I will not run away because of fear.. I will gain retribution for my twisted past.
Tiffany: Well you are in the Newblood Tourney here your chance to make your impact.
.Tiffany: Hmm I have just have one more question what are doing here tonight?
Myst: Well to find that answer just keep your eyes on that ring.
Tiffany Ok, thank you Myst. That's all from here! Back to you guys!
Clay Clayborne: Already in the ring at this time BAD BATTIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly the crowd goes quiet as the first few strands of "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park hits, then just as suddenly when the guitars kick in, a pyro either side of the entrance goes off, followed by Miyagawa leaping through the curtains. He holds his goggles aloft as the crowd cheers. When he finally gets down to the ring, he perches himself on a ring post and puts on his goggles, awaiting the ring bell to toll.
Clay Clayborne: His opponent, now making his way to the ring, hailing from Anaheim, California.........He is the PCW Cruiserweight champion...........MIYAGAWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dave: Just a reminder to the fans at home, this is a non-title match.
Miya and Battio circle each other, measuring one another up. They move in and lock horns. Battio takes control and whips Miyagawa to the ropes. Miya ducks under a clothesline, he springboards off of the second rope with a moonsault onto Battio....1.......2....Battio kicks out. Miyagawa pulls Battio to his feet and delivers a side slam. Miya covers.......1......Battio kicks out. Miya grounds Battio out with a side headlock. Battio works his way to a knee. Then to his feet Battio starts to back elbow his way out. he shoves Miyagawa off into the ropes. Battio goes for a dropkick but Miya holds onto the ropes. Miya runs in and hooks in both Battio's legs going for what looks to be a Boston crab. Miyagawa can't turn Battio over. Suddenly Miyagawa drops back and slingshots Battio into the air. Battio bounces midsection first on the top rope then flips to the floor outside. Miya gets to his feet and runs to the other side off the ring and waits for Battio to get to his feet. Miyagawa sprints and leaps over the ropes in a suicidal fashion but Battio swats him away causing Miya to spear head first into the guardrail. 1...........Battio pulls Miya up and hoists him onto his shoulder....3.... Battio runs toward the steel ring steps and delivers a RUNNING POWER SLAM ON THE STEEL RING STEPS!!!!...4......Miyagawa rolls off the steps to the floor screaming in pain....5...Battio stomps the hurt Miyagawa a few times then pulls him to his feet.....6...Battio smashes Miya's head off the ring post busting Miya open.....7....Battio whips Miyagawa back into the ring. Battio ascends to the top rope. Battio enters the ring with a picture perfect leg drop from the top rope to Miyagawa who is laying face down on the mat. Battio rolls Miyagawa over revealing a small puddle of blood that has formed from the ever widening gash on Miya's head. Battio covers........1...............2..........3!!! Miyagawa gets his shoulder up just before the count of three!
Kern: NO! NO! MIYAGAWA GOT HIS SHOULDER UP!!!
Battio pulls Miyagawa's head from the canvas and starts pounding him to open the wound even more. Battio stands up and rakes his boot off the forehead off Miyagawa. Battio drops an elbow and hooks the leg.......1.....................2........Miyagawa gets the shoulder up. Battio pulls Miyagawa to his feet and goes to whip him into the corner but Miyagawa reverses it and sends Battio into he corner. Battio flips up side down and gets locked in a tree of woe. Miyagawa stops for a moment and wipes the blood from his eyes then charges and goes for a baseball slide into Battio's face but Bad Battio sits up while locked in the tree of woe. Miyagawa slides nuts first into the steel ring post. Battio releases himself from the tree of woe. he stands quickly gets on the second turnbuckle and knee drops Miya square in the face. Battio drags Miyagawa from the corner into the center of the ring. Battio locks in a camel clutch. As Battio pulls back harder on the hold the blood starts to poor from Miyagawa's head.
Jeff Marx: He's really juicing now!
Miya refuses to tap. He gets his arms loose and begins to stand squatting Battio on his shoulders. Battio tries to roll Miyagawa into a roll up but Miya hangs on. He locks Battio in a tombstone piledriver position. Miya delivers a spinning piledriver! Miyagawa is too tired to go right for the cover. he finally drapes an arm over Battio.........1................2.........Battio kicks out. Miyagawa pulls Battio to his feet. Miyagawa goes for a right hand but Battio blocks it. Battio goes for a right hand but Miya blocks it and locks it in. Battio tries to strike with his left but Miyagawa blocks that and locks that in as well. Miyagawa quickly turns it into an inverted face buster (Impaler). Miyagawa covers.....1........2......Battio gets his shoulder up! Miyagawa locks in a surfboard! Bad Battio is screaming in pain as his body is being stretched. Suddenly Miyagawa starts rolling Battio around the ring while keeping the hold locked in!
Jeff Kern: Rolling surfboard. It feels like we're back watching Japanese legend Jushin Liger in there!
Miya releases the hold and positions Battio near the corner on his back. Miyagawa quickly ascends to the top rope. He wipes the blood flow from his face then signals to the crowd..........SOMERSAULT LEG DROP FROM THE TOP ROPE!!!
Crowd: AWWWWWWWW!!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!!
Miyagawa covers.........1..................2..............3!!!! NO!! NO!!
Marx: Battio got his foot on the rope some how!
Miyagawa pulls Battio up and places him on the top turnbuckle. Miya follows up and signals for a top rope huracanrana. Miyagawa goes for it but BATTIO COUNTERS IT INTO A SITTING TOP ROPE POWERBOMB!!!!!...........1.......................2..........thrrrr Miyagawa gets the shoulder up! Battio signals for a powerbomb. Battio hoists Miyagawa up for the powerbomb but Miya uses the momentum and delivers a ddt! Miya whips Battio into the ropes. Miyagawa goes for a clothesline but Battio ducks under and takes Miyagawa down into a crucifix pin.........1..........2....Miyagawa kicks out. Both men get up and charge each other. Battio ducks to sunset flip Miya but Miya sunset flips trying to roll Battio up but Battio just drops his knees and weight onto Miya's shoulders.........1...........2.Miyagawa rolls Battio back into a pin attempt.......1..........2.Battio turns it over.......1...........2.Miya kicks out. Miyagawa charges at Battio but Battio lifts Miyagawa up for a scoop slam, Miyagawa counters it into a small package.......1.........2...Battio rolls the small package over.........1.............2...Miyagawa rolls it back in his favor........1.............2....kick out by Battio. Both men get to their feet quickly. Battio charges at Miyagawa. Miya delivers a spinebuster to Battio. Miyagawa once again goes to the top rope but slowly as the blood flow is starting to effect his sight. He goes up for a moonsault, but suddenly there is a commotion in the crowd.
Dave: What is going on over there.
Suddenly PCW newcomer Myst rushes out of the crowd and hops over the guard rail. Miyagawa looks over at him, just in time to have Myst spray a cloud of green mist in his face.
Miyagawa loses his footing crashes down hard nads first on the top turnbuckle. Battio makes his way to the apron then to the top rope in front of Miyagawa. Battio batters Miyagawa for a moment with a series of rapid right hands. Battio then delivers a SUNSET FLIP OFF OF THE TOP ROPE!!!! Miyagawa's head bounces off the canvas!..........1......................2.....................3!!!!
Winner: Bad Battio Time: 8:58
Jeff: What the hell just happened? How the hell did Bad Battio just score a win over Miyagawa?
Dave: Bad Battio has just defeated the PCW Cruiserweight Champion in a non-title match, with the help of a PCW newcomer called Myst! You'd have to think that this victory would make him the #1 contender for the Cruiserweight Title!
Jeff: It's unbelievable.
Dave: It is unbelievable! Who would have thought Bad Battio would come so far, so fast?
Jeff: No, not that, well, that too. I mean, it's unbelievable that Steven sat through that entire match with that same smug look on his face.
The camera shifts to the announce table showing Steven Smith, still sitting smugly with his arms crossed over his chest.
Jeff: I suppose if it keeps him quiet, I am all for it.
Dave: Agreed. Ok, let's head to the ring for our next match. Wait a minute. I am being told there is activity in the back.
The camera shifts to the back to show Lightning Kid kneeling down next to a catering table. He is attempting to convince his daschund, Sparky, to eat some Spam Loaf.
Jeff: Bah! Look at Lightning Kid's little weiner dog. He needs a manly dog, like a Mastiff or Irish Wolf Hound.
Steven: I bet LK's little weiner
Jeff: (interrupting) SHUT UP Steven. Go back to looking smugly and sitting quietly.
Sparky whimpers as LK continues to smash the Spam Loaf into the poor dog's nose, in attempt to get him to eat. Suddenly, a steel chair is slammed down upon the back of the unsuspecting Lightning Kid sending the religious zealot and member of The Congregation to the concrete floor below.
The camera pans out to show PCW newcomer "Big Daddy" Mike Douglas holding the chair in question.
Dave: That's Mike Douglas! He is scheduled to meet the Lightning Kid later on tonight!
Douglas picks up LK and sticks LK's head between his legs.
Steven: I like this Mike Douglas already!
Jeff: He's setting him up for a powerbomb, dumbass!
Sure enough, Big Daddy Mike Douglas, grabs LK, swings him up for a powerbomb and smashes him down, through the catering table, leaving LK covered in potato salad, Spam loaf, and cupcakes.
Big Daddy laughs and leaves walks off camera.
Sparky comes over to check on his fallen master. He begins licking LK's face in an attempt to revive him, but then something distracts him. Sparky sniffs around for a moment, then snatches up a piece of Spam Loaf, and runs off.
Jeff: Oooo! That hurts!
Dave: Of course it hurts! He was just powerbombed through a table AND his dog isn't even loyal!
Jeff: No, I mean, it hurts because I like those cupcakes and was gonna head back there during our next commercial to snag a couple.
Dave: (sighing) Let's head to the ring for our next match.
("Hardknock Life" by Jay-Z plays as "Hardknocks" Chris Allen comes out)
Clay: Making his way to the ring, from Orlando, Florida, at a weight of 350 pounds......."HARDKNOCKS" CHRIS ALLEN
("Am I Evil?" by Metallica plays as Brock Newbludd comes out)
Clay: His opponent, from Ashland, Wisconsin, at a weight of 230 pounds, he is one half of the PCW Tag Team champions......."THE INNOVATOR" BROCK NEWBLUDD
("Ain't This a Kick in the Head" plays as Franky the Mook comes out)
Clay: And their opponent, from Chicago, Illinois, at a weight of 260 pounds.......FRANKY THE MOOK
HCA and FTM double team BN to start the match. The two non tag champs pummel on the Blood Brother backing him into the ropes. FTM whips BN into the ropes. HCA catches BN and hits him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and holds him on his knee. FTM then delivers an elbow across the throat of BN sending him down to the canvas. FTM makes a cover, 1.......2......HCA pulls him off then covers BN himself, 1.......2....FTM pulls HCA off of the tag champ. The two men get right in eachother's faces and start to argue. FTM shoves HCA sending him back and into the ropes. HCA bounces off the ropes, then comes back with a shove of his own taking down FTM. FTM starts to get back to his feet as HCA waits for him. As HCA waits, BN gets back up and hits HCA from behind. BN hammers on the back of HCA. He then tries whipping him into the ropes but HCA reverses. BN bounces off the ropes. HCA tries a clothesline but BN ducks it. BN then hits FTM with a clothesline sending him over the top rope and onto the arena floor. BN talks a little trash to FTM from the inside of the ring. When he turns around though, HCA kicks him hard in the stomach. He then lifts BN high into the air and drops him with The DropOff. HCA makes a cover, 1.......2.....FTM grabs the foot of HCA and pulls him out of the ring. The two men hammer away at eachother outside the ring. Referee Speedy Riggs goes out there to try and break the men up. Meanwhile, inside the ring, BN has gotten back to his feet. He watches on from the inside as HCA and FTM trade rights and lefts. BN then goes to the ropes, hops over the top rope onto the apron, then hops onto the middle rope and hits a springboard moonsault on both men. All 3 men are down on the outside and are struggling to get back up. Referee Speedy Riggs goes back into the ring and starts the 10 count. The first man up outside the ring is BN followed directly by HCA and FTM. BN grabs both FTM and HCA and smashes both their heads together. FTM falls down as HCA only staggers back. Riggs is up to 5 on his count. BN grabs HCA and tries whipping him but HCA reverses and BN goes crashing into the steel steps. Riggs is up to 8 so HCA rolls into the ring, then rolls right back out to start a new count. HCA starts to approach BN but he's hit from behind by FTM. FTM pounds on the back of HCA, then rolls him into the ring. FTM then enters the ring himself as BN starts to get up on the outside. FTM stomps away on HCA as he tries getting up inside the ring. FTM then pulls HCA up and hits him with a gutbuster. FTM covers, 1.......2.....HCA kicks out. FTM pulls HCA up and backs him into the corner. FTM with a few knife edge chops to the chest of HCA, then he whips HCA into the other corner. FTM charges at HCA but HCA gets a boot up. FTM staggers back, then comes at HCA again but HCA gets an elbow up. FTM shakes it off, then comes at HCA once more but HCA kicks him hard in the gut. He then grabs FTM and sets him up for his finisher. Meanwhile, BN has gone to the top rope. HCA lifts FTM up for 3 the HARD Way. As he has FTM lifted high in the air, BN comes off the top and hits HCA with a missle dropkick right in the chest. This causes HCA to drop FTM who just happens to land right on top of HCA. Riggs counts as FTM has the cover, 1.......2......BN breaks the count up. BN stomps on FTM a few times, then grabs him and tosses him from the ring. BN then waits as HCA starts to get back up. Once up, BN takes him right back down with a standing side kick. BN makes a cover, 1.......2.....HCA gets a shoulder up. BN is a little upset at the rare slow count from Riggs. He pulls HCA up and chops him a few times backing him into the ropes. BN whips HCA into the ropes. HCA ducks one clothesline from BN, then another, he then comes back to hit BN with a flying shoulder tackle. HCA then pulls one half of the tag champs up and sets him up. He lifts him high in the air and hits him with 3 the HARD Way.
The French-Candian crowd pops loudly as The Chef sprints down the aisle.
FTM has gone to the top rope. HCA makes a cover, 1........2.....FTM comes off the top and hits HCA with a legdrop across the back, breaking the cover.
The Chef hops up onto the apron. The referee doesn't notice because he is in position to count.
Dave: Chef has some kind of container in his hand!
FTM then rolls HCA away and covers BN himself, 1......HCA gets to his feet tries to break the cover, but but Chef throws a foreign substance into his face, then drops off the apron.
HCA: (sneezing) AAAAACCCCHOOOOOOO!
The ref finishes his count2.........3
WINNER: Franky the Mook Time: 7:01
Dave: What the hell was that!
Jeff: I think it was nutmeg!
Steven: No, it was paprica!
Dave: Never the less, the Chef's interference helps secure the victory for his tag team partner, Franky the Mook. We have to head to a commercial.
(Commercial: He's not pretty, he's not skilled and he's not coolbut he does have his own T-shirt. Call today to order the official PCW Prophesy T-shirt today!)
Dave: Ok, welcome back to Tuesday Turmoil. Let's head to the ring where the PCW World Heavyweight Champion Reverend and the number one member of his congregation, Jason Wulf, will be in action against Tyler Nelson and Dan Hollywood!
Tyler Nelson/Dan Hollywood vs. Reverend/Wulf
("C.R.E.A.M" by Wu Tang Clan plays as Tyler Nelson comes out with Mr. Simmons)
Clay: Making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Mr. Simmons, from Dallas, Texas, at a weight of 251 pounds.......TYLER NELSON
("Californication" by Red Hot Chili Peppers plays as Dan Hollywood comes out along with Buffy Vegas.)
Clay: And his tag team partner, being accompanied to the ring by Buffy Vegas, from Hollywood, California, at a weight of 225 pounds......."THE A-LIST" DAN HOLLYWOOD
("Spirit in the Sky" begins to play as the team of Reverend and Jason Wulf come out accompanied by Vanessa and Lightning Kid.)
Clay: Their opponents, being accompanied to the ring by Lightning Kid and Vanessa, at a combined weight of 535 pounds.......the PCW Rising Star champion JASON WULF, and the PCW Heavyweight champion of the World.......THE REVEREND
Dan Hollywood and Tyler Nelson argue about who will enter the fray first. The two men push and shove each other for a bit, then finally referee Buzz Meacham orders Dan Hollywood to enter the ring.
Dave: That is not a good sign for the team of Nelson and Hollywood. Nothing breeds losses like dissention among teammates.
Steven: Exactly!! I mean, look that is why the Ream Team is so special as a team. I mean, the team that comes together, sticks together.
Jeff: Ewwwwe in all sorts of ways!
DH starts off against Rev. They lock up in the center of the ring. Both men try to get an advantage but, since only one man can, Rev is the one that does. He whips DH into the ropes. DH bounces off and tries taking Rev down with a shoulder block but neither man budges. DH runs against the ropes and tries taking Rev down but neither man will budge again. DH runs against the ropes one more time. Rev tries clotheslining him but DH ducks it, bounces off the ropes and hits Rev with a running clothesline. DH starts stomping away at Rev then throws him into the corner. DH tags in TN and they both stomp away at Rev in the corner. TN grabs Rev and hits him with a snap suplex, then covers him, 1.......2......Rev kicks out. TN whips Rev into the ropes and hits him with a hard knee to the gut. TN makes another cover, 1.......2.....Rev kicks out. TN walks over and tags in DH.
Dave: Nice teamwork being shown by Tyler Nelson and Dan Hollywood. It's almost as if they have worked as a team before.
DH goes to pick Rev up but Rev hits him with a punch to the stomach. He then rakes the eyes of DH. Rev grabs the former CW champ by the head and takes him to the corner. Wulf has his boot up on the turnbuckle and Rev proceeds to slam DH's head into it. Rev tags in Wulf. Wulf with some chops to the chest of DH. He then grabs him and hits him with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Wulf goes over and makes a cover, 1.......2......DH kicks out. Wulf pulls DH up and throws him into the corner. He tags Rev back in who runs right over and suker punches TN. TN shakes the punch off and tries coming in but referee Buzz Meacham stops him. The distraction gives Wulf and Rev a chance to double team DH. Rev chokes DH with his boot while Wulf hits forearm after forearm to the chest of DH. After about 10 seconds of this, TN exits the ring and Wulf and Rev stop their cheating activities. Rev tags in Wulf and the two men start to double team DH. Rev holds DH in a full nelson. Wulf backs up then hits DH with a standing side kick to the jaw. Wulf covers as Rev exits the ring, 1.......2.......TN in to break the count. TN gets a couple more stomps in on Wulf until Meacham stops him. While Buzz tries getting TN back to his corner, Rev comes in and starts stomping on DH. Once Wulf is up, both men start beating on DH. Rev leaves the ring as TN leaves the ring. When Meacham turns around all he sees is Wulf stomping away on DH. Wulf pulls DH up and sends him into the ropes. Wulf hits DH with an elbow to the jaw taking him down. Wulf then drops an elbow across the throat of DH before covering him, 1.......2.......DH gets a shoulder up. Wulf is pissed and starts choking away at DH. Meacham forces Wulf to break the hold. Wulf pulls DH up and sends him into the corner. He then goes over and starts talking trash to TN drawing him into the ring. While Meacham tries to keep TN away from Wulf, Rev starts to beat on DH in the corner. He chokes him and hits him with numerous forearm shots. TN finally leaves the ring just as Rev stops beating on DH. Wulf calmly walks over and sets DH up on the top turnbuckle. He then goes up there himself and sets DH up for a superplex. Wulf goes for it but DH blocks it. DH then hits Wulf with a couple punches to the chest. DH then counters the move and hits Wulf with a top rope facebuster. Both men are down in the middle of the ring. Buzz Meacham starts his 10 count. Wulf and DH show little signs of movement by the time Buzz gets to 5. Then, at 6, Wulf starts crawling toward his corner as does DH. Wulf makes the tag in to Rev. He runs over to try and prevent the tag but DH makes the hot tag to TN.
TN in and he's hammering away on the World champ. TN with right hand after right hand to Rev. TN whips Rev into the ropes and takes him down with a vicious clothesline. Wulf gets up and tries hitting TN from behind but DH stops him and clothesline him, along with himself, over the top rope. Both Wulf and DH are down on the outside. Inside the ring. TN has Rev down. He's setting Rev up, then locks him in GREED IS GOOD!! Seeing his leader in the submission move causes Lightning Kid to hop onto the apron. He distracts the ref for about 5 seconds until Buffy Vegas comes over and pulls him off. Vanessa comes over and starts fighting with Buffy. Mr. Simmons also comes over and we've got a big brawl on the outside. Buzz Meacham doesn't spot Rev tapping out in the middle of the ring cause he's more worried about the fight on the outside between all the valets and managers. Also on the outside, DH tries whipping Wulf but Wulf reverses and sends DH crashing into the steel steps. Wulf then grabs his Rising Star title and slides into the ring behind TN. TN still has the hold locked on Rev, and Rev is still tapping, and Meacham still does not see it. Wulf comes up from bejind TN and cracks him across the back of the head with th Rising Star title. He then lifts TN up and hits him with FANGIN' AND BANGIN' onto the title belt. Wulf then rolls Rev on top of TN, takes his title belt, and slides out of the ring. Meacham turns around just in time to see Rev covering TN and goes over to make the count, 1.......2.....
Suddenly, the lights go out and the toll of a bell is heard.
Dave: Uh oh! Now what!
The lights go back on to find Jason Wulf laid out in the middle of the ring with the unmoving Tyler Nelson covering him.
Referee Buzz Meacham looks around attempting to figure out what happened. He then has no choice but to begin counting..1..23!!!
WINNERS: Tyler Nelson and Dan Hollywood Time: 6:00
Dave: For the third card in a row, the lights have gone out, a bell has tolled, and someone has been left sprawled.
Jeff: And for the second card in a row, the recipient of the attack was a member of the congregation.
Steven: It's gotta be Meanstreak! It's just gotta be!
Jeff: Steven! Don't spread rumors
Dave: And never invite the devil in for tea!
There is dead air.
The scene shifts to the announce table where Jeff and Steven are looking at Dave with baffled looks on their faces.
Dave: (shrugging) Hey, I went to Catholic school.
Jeff and Steven nod their head in a comprehending manner.
Dave: Ok, we are told, despite the violent attack Lightning Kid suffered at the hands of Big Daddy Mike Douglas earlier this evening, he is still going to give it a go and wrestler this evening. Let's head to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: Already in the ring at this time...."BIG DADDY" MIKE DOUGLAS!!
Mike Douglas is shown standing in the ring, with his arms folded, awaiting the Lightning Kid.
"Monkey Wrench" by the Foo Fighters hits, and the Lighting Kid, dressed in a flowing white robe, now stained with food, holding his golden Bible in the crook of his arm, and guiding Sparky the dachshund by a leash, walks down to the ring, tripping slightly on the hem of his robe. He ties Sparky to the ring post, lays the Bible in a corner, and enters the ring."
Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring......THE LIGHTNING KID!!!
Lightning Kid immediately charges at Douglas and goes for a dropkick by Douglas just sidesteps and swats LK away. Douglas pulls the kid to his feet and scoops him into a one handed scoop slam and tosses him to the mat with ease. Douglas measures up and drops a pin point elbow to the forehead of LK. Douglas covers the kid.............1................2...........Lightning Kid gets the shoulder up. Douglas drags Lightning Kid to his feet by his hair and tucks his head between his legs.....Douglas hoists LK up for a powerbomb. He holds LK up in the air and begins to spin around going for a spinning powerbomb but suddenly LK counters the move into a head scissor take over. The kid pulls himself to his feet. He taunts for Douglas to get to his feet.
The camera view switches to a angle of Sparky humping the ring post.)
Steven: Well that's thought provoking!
Jeff: Ratings just got a boost!
Back to the ring)
Douglas gets up and LK charges in and monkey flips Douglas to the mat. LK gets up like a house of fury. Douglas gets to his feet. LK hits Douglas with a few stiff shots then whips Douglas into the corner. LK charges in but Douglas back body drops him but miraculously LK holds onto the ropes and does a handstand ala the Ultimo Dragon. Douglas turns around and slugs LK in the gut as he's in the headstand. LK crumbles back down into Douglas' grip. Douglas locks him on his shoulder, he walks the kid to the opposite corner and drops him into a snake eyes on the turnbuckle. LK's face smashes off the turnbuckle. He bounces up off the turnbuckle back into Douglas' grip. Douglas delivers a belly to back suplex with a release. Lightning Kid lands on the back of his head and folds up.
We return to a view of Sparky. He's sniffing away on the ring post, he starts pacing back and forth, lifts his leg and starts to relieve himself.
Dave: Wh...hmmmm? Ah...nevermind.
Jeff: (singing the tune to Cool and the Gang's Celebration) Urination time, come on! Let's urinate!!
Douglas stalks the Lightning Kid he pulls the helpless cruiserweight to his feet and shoves him into the corner. He starts to pummel the Kid with a furious punch combo to the LK's midsection then dropping him back to the mat with a big uppercut. LK lays huddled supported by the corner. Douglas starts stomping away on Lightning Kid. Referee Speedy Riggs has to pull Douglas away from LK when he does not answer the count of five. The ref directs Douglas to a neutral corner as he goes to check on a near dead Lightning Kid. Suddenly as the ref's back is turned Jason Wulf comes running down the runway with a steel pipe in hand. Wulf gets up on the apron and blasts Douglas in the back of the head with the pipe dropping Douglas like a corpse to the mat. Suddenly Sparky starts going nuts at the ring post he is tied to he's barking and growling like nuts at Wulf. Suddenly Wulf drops to all floors and starts barking and growling at Sparky.
Steven: Uh oh! Looks like a little dissention in the ranks of the Congregation!
Jeff: Sparky is not a member of the Congregation. He's just a dog!
Sparky growls back at Jason Wulf then begins tugging back at his leash.
Jeff: Looks like we have a stand off!
Sparky begins barking wildly trying to get at Wulf. Finally, his leash snaps and he charges face to face with the bizarre wrestler called Jason Wulf.
Wulf and Sparky begin circling. Sparky crouches down low and growls. Wulf circles behind Sparky and begins to sniff his posterior.
Jeff: (singing) Getting to know you!
Steven: Wait a minute! What sex is Sparky?!
Dave: Well, judging from the way he lifted his leg to spray down that ring post, I would say male.
Steven: Really? You don't say! Well, I knew Jason Wulf wasn't all bad.
Suddenly Vanessa rushes down the aisle and smacks Sparky across the snout. She then grabs Jason Wulf by the ear and pulls the yelping man-beast to the back.
In the ring LK has regained his senses. He pulls an seemingly unconscious Douglas to his feet. Suddenly Douglas kicks him in the gut and delivers a sit-down face buster on LK...1....2...3!!!
Winner Mike Douglas Time: 3:12
Dave: So, Big Daddy Mike Douglas is triumphant in his PCW debut.
Jeff: As if there was any doubt!
The suddenly lights dim.
Dave: OH NO!! Not again!
The letters of sHs are said by a deep voice,one at a time and the sHs theme plays.
Jeff: No, just PCW's resident jobber stable, sHs!
Out from the back,Revenant and Kris Kanton walk out, both shaking their heads.They look back as the curtain moves and out limps PCW's former Continental Champion Scott Naket. He has a brace on the lower side of his left leg, and is using a set of crutches. He hobbles and catches up to Revenant and Kris Kanton as the deafening sound of the thousands of Montreal fans cheering for their Canadian Icon.
Jeff: This is making me sick.
All three sHs members are wearing sHs shirts, and, well, they don't look as nice as they did around Alliances.
Revenant and Kris Kanton climb up to the apron, and extend their hands and help Scott Naket hop up with the one foot he has. Naket climbs into the ring slowly as does Revenant and Kris Kanton. Clay Clayborne hands Naket a mic. Naket hobbles over to the ropes and leans on them while listening to the fans chanting his name.)
Naket: It's been a real long period of time since I've shown my face. From Friday up till now, I've been gone, healing from the cheap tactics of Lackostress.
The crowd hisses their displeasure upon hearing the name of the man who injured the Canadian Icon.
Naket: Now, I want all you people to know, even though the United States looks better in some ways, you people are home to the best country. Now, I'd tell you people what's wrong with me, but I really can't cause you guys speak the language of asses in French, and if I told the viewers in the United States, they'd scratch their heads before reaching for another crappy beer of theirs. The point is, I can't wrestle right now. This injury of mine will be here for a few weeks at the least, so I have to just sit back there, and watch as Revenant and Kris Kanton will continue my duties for me.
Dave: Yeah, well, where the hell has Kanton been.
Jeff: Do you really care?
Dave: Nope!
However, Naket pauses as the fans start chanting "Hott One" although it sounds off with the French accent.
Naket: However, I do have some work to do, and that's find some quality members of sHs. We have almost completed the list, as myself and Rev Bob have found two members that want in, and we are still thinking of that last guy. Who are they? Well, you'll find out soon enough, but lets get one thing straight. I've been working my ass off here in PCW, for what?
I won the Extreme Title, and the ratings boomed. Ever since I've lost the title, it's meant nothing, as only someone gay like "The Mack" Eddie Novak has held it, but he got fired for something I can't discuss.
What else have I done? I've won the TV Title, which up to that point has meant nothing, and who holds it now? Bang Davenport? What kind of name is that anyway?
And finally, I held the Continental Title. First off,I want to say, Stewart Hix deteriorated the belt so bad themonth he held it, it might never return to it's normalstatus, but Jon Kano? C'mon, give me a break guys! What has sHs done in the few months after Alliances? Nothing, absolutely nothing? Why has that happened? Because people like Lackostress, who's workout consists of drinking beer and banging some low class cousins of his get in our way. Well, tonight it ends. Tonight, we will change for the better of the company, and for the better of the fans, and most of all, the better of each and every PCW superstar backstage. Revenant grabs the mic out of Naket's hands...
Suddenly, Asylum's music hits the PA system and Bang Davenport, Miyagawa and Trashcan Man sprint towards the ring. Naket, with his leg "miraculously" healed, Kanton and Revenant sprint out of the ring as the Asylum members hit the ring.
TCM, Miyagawa and Bang Davenport climb the ropes on the opposite side of the ring and begin jawing at sHs. Naket points a cane at Trashcan Man and begins returning the verbal smack.
Before things can go any further, a sea of referees and security personnel rush out of the back and flood the ring and ring side area.
Dave: Ok, while security restores order, we are going to head to a commercial! We will be right back!
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Ovaltine, Tang and a bunch of other crappy tasting, powdered drink mixes)
Dave: Ok, welcome back to PCW Tuesday Turmoil. Let's head to the ring for our next match.
("I Disappear" by Metallica plays as HAC comes out with Lizzy Borden and Hardknocks Chris Allen)
Clay: Making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Lizzy Borden and Hardknocks Chris Allen, from Kansas City, Kansas, at a weight of 259 pounds......."HOMICIDAL" ANTHONY CAY
("Debonaire" by Dope plays as Stephen Blood comes out with Rollerjam's Stacey Blitsch)
Clay: His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Stacey Blitsch, from Clevland, Ohio, at a weight of 283 pounds......."THE NEW LEGEND" STEPHEN BLOOD
("Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic plays as Chef comes out)
Clay: And their partner, from Paris, France, at a weight of 325 pounds.......THE CHEF
HAC and SB stomp on Chef as he slides into the ring. They pull him up and send him into the ropes. The two men try a double clothesline but Chef ducks it. He then comes back and takes both men down with clotheslines. SB rolls out of the ring but HAC has the unfortunate pleasure of being in the ring with the gourmet king. Chef whips HAC into the ropes and hits him with a big boot to the face. Chef then picks HAC up and hits him with The Tenderizer. Chef with a cover, 1.......2.....SB comes in to break it up. SB hammers Chef as HAC rolls out of the ring. He backs Chef up in the corner. SB with some kicks to the chest of Chef. He then tries whipping him but Chef reverses and sends SB hard into the other corner. SB bounces out of the corner and Chef bounces off the ropes. Chef tries a lariat on SB but the champ ducks it, then kicks Chef and hits him with the Stephenflow DDT. SB makes a cover, 1........2....HAC pulls SB out of the ring. HAC and SB brawl on the outside. SB is getting the best of HAC and sends him crashing into the guardrail. Chef has regained his composure inside the ring and has come out. SB starts to approach HAC but Chef hits him from behind. Chef is hammering away on SB on the outside as referee Speedy Riggs is counting the men out. HAC has gotten up on the outside. Chef sees HAC up and locks SB in a full nelson. HAC charges and goes to hit a Homicidal Spear on SB but SB moves just in the neck of time and HAC hits the Homicidal Spear on Chef instead. HAC doesn't care so he just turns around. Once he does that though, SB nearly takes his head off with a savate kick. SB rolls HAC into the ring before going back in himself. SB takes HAC and whips him hard into the corner. HAC just bounces out though and uses the momentum to hit SB with a Homicidal Spear. HAC makes a cover, 1........2......SB gets a shoulder up. HAC looks a bit disappointed that he didn't beat him with that. He stomps on SB some, then pulls him up. He whips him into the ropes. HAC goes down for a back body drop or something but SB sees it, stops, then drops HAC with the Stephenflow DDT. Instead of making the cover, SB goes up top for The Vicious Cycle. As he gets up there he signals to the crowd to a huge pop. During that, Chef has hopped onto the apron. SB is about to come off the top when Chef yanks his leg from under him. SB craddles the top turnbuckle as Chef goes up there with SB now. Chef sets SB up and hits him with a FILET MIGNON FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! Chef covers SB, 1........2........3
WINNER: The Chef Time: 4:18
Jeff: So, Da Wize Guyz are two-for-two tonight!
Dave: See the trend that has been established over the last three cards?
Jeff: Even Stevie Wonder can see the trend that has been established here!
Dave: Well, one way or another, things will be decided between Da Wize Guyz, ACH Jumble and Blood Brothers this Sunday in the ring at Shanghai-ed. Now, I am being told that we are a little short on time, so we are going to keep it right here and head to the ring for our next match.
("Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers hits throughout the arena. Alan Kriegman makes his way to the ring. He stops at the runway and looks as if he is going to pose but then continues to make his way to the ring. He enters the ring, he positions in the center of the ring. He once again goes to pose but decides not too. Suddenly an array of gold pyro blasts erupt behind him.)
Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring. He resides in Pleasantville, New Hampshire.........ALAN KRIEGMAN!!
("Quiet" by the Smashing Pumpkins hits the PA system as a series of loud, firey explosions go off around the entryway. The Phantom Booker then makes his way to the ring.)
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, hailing from Atlantic City New Jersey, weighing in at 252 lbs.......THE PHANTOM BOOKER!!!
As soon as TPB slides under the bottom rope to enter the ring he is met by Kriegman. The two men begin trading shots back and forth. Kriegman drives TPB back and then whips him into the ropes. Kriegman drops TPB hard to the mat with a huge double knife edge chop. TPB rolls out of the ring to regain his composure as Kriegman poses in the ring. TPB slowly gets back in the ring. TPB and Kriegman lock horns. The booker powers Kriegman back into the corner. The ref is asking for a clean break. It looks like TPB will give it. Suddenly he fires in with a series of vicious open hand chops to Kriegman's face and chest. TPB goes to whip Kriegman into the corner but Kriegman reverses it only to have TPB use the momentum to pull AK into a northern lights suplex into a bridge......1..........2........Kriegman kicks out. TPB mounts Kriegman and starts wailing away at Kriegman with a series of Ultimate Fighting Championship type shots. The ref pulls TPB away. TPB stomps back and pulls Kriegman to his feet. TPB goes for a big right hand but Kriegman blocks it. Kriegman begins to unload with furious right hands of his own that stun the boss. TPB stumbles back. Kriegman whips him into the ropes. Kriegman ducks his head for a back body drop but TPB locks in a front face lock looking for a ddt but Kriegman hoists him up for a northern lights suplex but TPB recounters the move into a tornado ddt. TPB covers........1.........2....kick out by Kriegman. TPB pulls Kriegman to his feet and sits him on the top tope. TPB follows Kriegman up, TPB hooks in for a superplex but Kriegman blocks. Kriegman hoists TPB up and delivers a super pancake. Kriegman carefully stands on the top turnbuckle. Kriegman leaps through the air with the precision of a plane and comes crashing down onto the back of TPB with a body splash. Kriegman does not cover. He drags TPB to the corner and sits him against the bottom turnbuckle. Kriegman quickly rushes to the opposite corner and emphatically starts doing a crotch chop. Kriegman charges across the ring and nails a bronco buster and starts to ride it out on TPB's face.
Kern: (In a Mark Maddenesque voice)FACE FULL OF KRIEGGY!!! FACE FULL OF KRIEGGY!! Kriegman just delivered a facial to the boss!
Smith: I didn't....
Marx: Steven Smith if you say one word about a facial or any other gay ass comment I am going to kick your rainbow loving ass!
Smith: What? I wasn't gonna say anything.
Kriegman pulls TPB out to the center of the ring and locks in a front chancery. Kriegman calls for "The End". Suddenly a chorus of boo's erupts as Jon Kano runs down from outback and hops onto the apron. Kano goes to step over the top rope but is met by a running right hand from Kriegman that knocks Kano to the floor. Kriegman spouts out some trash talk to Kano then goes to turn his attention back to TPB but TPB is waiting for him. TPB catches Kriegman with a kick to the gut followed by an implant ddt. TPB goes to the apron and climbs up to the top rope. TPB shoots off the top rope with a Five Star Frog Splash and crashes down onto Kriegman knocking the air of Kriegman out into the atmosphere.............1.................2............KRIEGMAN GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE!!
Kern: The Boss has an unbelievable arsenal!
TPB starts to pull Kriegman to his feet but Kriegman delivers a low blow. KRIEGMAN HITS THE END!!!!
Dave: The Phantom Booker is out!
Kriegman collapses, still feeling the effects the Frog Splash from TPB. Finally, he begins to crawl over to make the cover.
Suddenly, Jon Kano sprints from the back with a chair in hand. He slams the chair down across AK's back before he can make the cover. The referee calls for the bell.
Winner by DQ: Alan Kriegman Time: 5:48
Post match, Kano continues slamming the chair down onto Kriegman's prone body. Finally a swarm of referees and security officials hit the ring to stop the carnage.
Dave: So Alan Kriegman gets the win, but is denied the pleasure of actually pinning TPB.
Jeff: Well, Kriegman needs to forget about this little vendetta he has going against TPB and concentrate on his opponents for this Sunday, such as Kano and Stephen Blood.
Steven: Don't forget the Ultimate Warlord!
Jeff: Yeah, whatever!
Dave: Ok, now, we are ready to head to the ring where Bang Davenport will defend his PCW Television title against Mr. Showtime, and Chet King the Chat King. Let's head to the ring!
("Danger" from Mystikal plays as Mr. Showtime comes out)
Clay: The following match is for the PCW Television championship. Introducing first, from Brooklyn, New York, at a weight of 300 pounds.......MR. SHOWTIME
(Over the PA we hear someone say "And here comes CHET KING". The fans start chanting "Chet King yeah, yeah, yeah. Chet King, yeah, yeah, yeah" as Chet King comes out.)
Clay: His opponent, at a weight of 205 pounds.......CHET KING
(A huge YEEEEE-HAW is heard over the PA, then "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" plays as Bang comes jogging out.)
Clay: And their opponent, from Coldwater, Mississippi, at a weight of 243 pounds, he is the PCW Television champion.......BANG DAVENPORT
Showtime and King both go after the champ upon his entering the ring. Showtime and King stomp away at Bang. Both men pull Bang to his feet and whip him into the corner. Showtime then takes King and whips him towards Bang but Bang gets a boot up. As King staggers away from Bang, Showtime charges and takes Bang down with a running lariat. King and Showtime rush over to the downed Davenport and begin to stomp away.
Dave: Showtime and King look like they are working together this match!
Jeff: There can be only one winner though!
Showtime picks up King and sits him on the top rope. King and Showtime then simultaneously hit Bang Davenport with an overhead suplex from the top rope.
Dave: Nice teamwork!
Jeff: Yeah, let's see how long it lasts.
King picks up Davenport and whips him into the ropes. Both Showtime and King appear ready to nail Davenport with a double back body drop, but Bang has the presence of mind to do a baseball slide between them, getting behind them. Showtime and King whirl around to face Bang, but the Hillbilly does a sit out double kick, nailing both men in the knees. Both men drop to one knee and clutch at their legs. Bang builds up a head of steam and bounces off the opposite rope, leaps into the air, and executes a standing leg drop onto both men.
Bang picks up Showtime, and signals for the Hillbilly Plunge. He flips, Showtime upside down, but Chet King the Chat King nails Bang in the beans with a forearm. Bang falls down onto his back, and Showtime lands on top of him. The ref counts.1.
Dave: Why isn't King moving to make the cover?
Jeff: I dunno?
The ref continues to count.2.3!!!
Winner and New Television Champion: Mr. Showtime Time: 2:59
Dave: Something is fishy!
Jeff: I don't see Tiffany anywhere!
Dave: No, I mean something is not right! King could have easily broken the cover but didn't!
Steven: Well, its not what you know, but who you know!
Dave: Are you saying that you think Showtime and Chet King were working together Steven?
Steven: No! I am just saying its not what you know, but who you know!
Dave: (sighing) I should have figured! OK, we are going to head to a commercial. When we return, Kid Wonder and Trashcan Man will take on Doug Troy and Lackostress in our Tampex main event of the evening!
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Tampex. Tampex: Nothing soaks up more slop and goo than Tampex.)
Dave: Welcome back to Tuesday Turmoil. We are just about ready for our Tampex Main Event of the evening, so let's head to the ring.
"Spirit in the sky" hits the PA system as the lights begin to flicker with each guitar riff. The crowd immediately begins to whistle their disapproval, since the French-speaking sissies in Montreal consider booing to be borish.
Clay Clayborne: On his way to the ring at this time, he is the special referee for tonight's contest, The Reverend Jon Hull.
The Reverend walks down the aisle wearing the zebra stripped shirt of a referee. He slides into the ring and raises his arms above his head triumphantly, much to the displeasure of the crowd.
"Bawitdabaw" by Kid Rock hits the PA system. The fans start to quiet down as the music builds. Out from the back walks Amanda and Christy and stand at the top of the ramp. As soon as they come out, we hear "MY NAME IS KID!" blare over the PA system. The music then switches over to "Glory" by Sugar Ray as Kid Wonder comes out. He stands at the top of the ramp, puts his arm around Amanda, flashes an arrogant little smirk, then starts to head towards the ring. Once at ringside, Kid Wonder hops up onto the ring apron and holds down the middle rope for the ladies to get in. He follows in right behind them and heads over to the turnbuckle. Wonder hops onto the turnbuckle and gives the fans the Wonder sign. Kid Wonder hops off the turnbuckle and stands in the middle of the ring. Amanda walks up from behind him, takes off his silk jacket, and leaves the ring. Christy follows right behind her. Kid Wonder bounces against the ropes a couple times as he waits for the match to begin.
Clay Clayborne: Now to introduce our first combatant of the evening, hailing from Orlando Florida, weighing in at 170 lbs, he is the Teen Idol, Kid Wonder!!!
"While the City Sleeps" by MC 900 Ft. Jesus hits the PA System as the entire arena glows in a red light. The crowd pops as the hero of the working class, and those who do not have all their marbles, Trashcan Man makes his way to the ring, with his Trashcan in hand.
Jeff: Does that Trashcan have his name on it.
Dave: Hey! If Raven can have a monogrammed shopping cart, then Trashcan Man can have a personalized trashcan.
Clay Clayborne: And his partner, now on his way to the ring, hailing from somewhere in the United States (the crowd hisses,) weighing in at 275 lbs, he is the Trashcan man.
Trashcan Man enters the ring and offers his hand to Kid Wonder. Kid Wonder holds out his hand, then rips it away from TCM as Amanda and Christie mockingly chuckle at the unstylish sanitation worker.
Lackostress picks up his ringside lounge chair and moves it to the corner he and Doug Troy are assigned to.
Clay Clayborne: Introducing their first opponent, hailing from somewhere in Australia, he is Lackostress.
"Brainless" by the Urge hits the PA system and the crowd immediately pops. Doug Troy rushes out and sprints down the aisle, with some sort of animal carrier in hand.
Jeff: (sighing) Hasn't that stupid koala gimmick run its course yet?
DT leaves his box at ringside and slides into the ring and immediately begins talking smack on Kid Wonder.
Clay Clayborne: And their first opponent, now in the ring
Clay is interrupted as Doug Troy and Kid Wonder begin trading punches. TCM smiles at this and exits the rings and lights up a smoke.
Lackostress fluffs his pillow and reclines his lounge chair in the corner. Trashcan Man comes over and offers him a smoke, which LoS accepts. LoS reaches into a nearby cooler, pulls out a beer and hands it to a grateful TCM.
Meanwhile in the ring DT has gotten the best of KW in the game of punch trading, and has driven the two time PCW champ into the corner. DT follows with a high knee lift to the gut, causing KW to double over. DT tries to pick up KW and flip him up for a pile driver, but KW grabs DT by the hair on "the flip" and pulls, slamming DT mouth first onto the turnbuckle.
DT stumbles out of the corner. KW wastes no time and nails DT with a standing drop kick, driving the former PCW World Heavyweight Champion into the opposite corner. DT rams into the turnbuckles hard, and goes down. KW rushes to the opposite corner, rushes towards DT and lunges forward for a bronco buster. DT slips out of the way just in the nick of time, leaving nothing between Kid Wonder's soft sack and the turnbuckle. KW lands squarely onto the turnbuckle, causing him to double over in pain.
TCM and LoS laugh at KW's predicament and toast each other with their beers.
Dave: Well, they certainly seem to be enjoying themselves.
DT notices LoS and TCM laughing while he and KW are working and frowns. He goes over to the corner and tells LoS to tag in, but LoS refuses. DT nods his head in a "I'll remember this" fashion, then drags KW to the center of the ring. DT stomps on KW a couple of times for good measure, then heads back to the corner and begins to climb the ropes.
Dave: What's he gonna do?
DT gets to the top rope and turns around.
Jeff: Looking like a moonsault to me.
DT springs from the ropes, but instead of springing to the ring for a moonsault, he leaps out of the ring towards TCM and LoS, sits out, and delivers a nasty looking leg drop onto both LoS and TCM in the ringside area, demolishing both men. The crowd erupts.
The Crowd: Le PCW!!! Le PCW!!! Le PCW!! Le PCW!!!!
DT picks up the cooler full of beer and smashes it down onto LoS's skull. TCM is trying to crawl away, but DT grabs LoS's lounge chair and whacks him across the back with it for his trouble.
Meanwhile, back in the ring, Kid Wonder has gotten to his feet. Spotting his arch-rival Doug Troy on the outside, KW sprints towards the ropes. He grabs the top rope, springs up to it, then springs off the rope, executing SO WONDERFUL onto both TCM and DT in the ringside area.
Dave: Reverend should begin counting these guys out!
Jeff: If you were Reverend and had to defend your title against these four on Sunday, would you count them out, or let them beat each other senseless?
Dave: If I was a scumbag, like Reverend, then I suppose I would let them tear each other apart.
TCM and DT are down after taking KW's finisher. KW is slow getting up after executing such a high spot. LoS gets to his feet and grabs TCM's trashcan.
Amanda and Christie grab DT by his hair and begin pounding his face into the mat covering the concrete floor in the ringside area. KW gets to his feet. He walks over and begins to have a strategy conference with Christie and Amanda.
LoS begins to sneak up behind KW with trashcan in hand. Amanda looks up and screams, alerting Kid Wonder to danger. LoS tries to smash KW with the trashcan, but KW ducks, causing Christie to take the full force of the blow. LoS tries goes to swing at KW again, but KW kicks him in the knee, causing him to drop the trashcan. KW then steps in, grabs LoS and hits him with a belly-to-belly suplex onto the trashcan.
Dave: I didn't think Kid Wonder had that kind of strength!
KW begins to climb into the ring. He climbs to the top rope in the corner and waits for some unlucky opponent, which they all appear to be opponents at this point, to get up. TCM stumbles to his feet first. KW gets is about to leap from the turnbuckle, when the referee Reverend Jon Hull gives him a little push. KW falls forward head first, right into a PYRO DRIVER from the waiting Trashcan Man.
Dave: Hey! He can't do that! He pushed him!
Jeff: He didn't push him. He was admonishing Kid Blunder for climbing to the top rope.
LoS is down. KW is down. DT is slowly getting to his feet. He sees TCM and begins to rush towards him. TCM rushes to meet DT half way. The simultaneously nail each other with vicious running lariats. Each man drops like a stone.
Dave: When is Reverend gonna throw this thing out! It has totally deteriorated.
Suddenly there is a small pop from the crowd. It eventually grows and keeps getting larger.
Dave: What's going on!
Jeff: I dunno!
Steven: Look! Someone is coming through the crowd.
The Reverend is too busy enjoying the beating his opponents for Sunday are laying on each other to notice a man has rushed out of the crowd.
Dave: THAT'S FRISCO!!! FRISCO IS HERE!!!
Jeff: DAMN, this sucks!
Frisco slides under the bottom rope and charges at the unsuspecting Reverend. The former PCW Continental Champion nails Reverend with a double axe handle to the back, driving Reverend to his knees.
Jeff: Reverend, now is no time to pray!
Frisco picks The Reverend up and nails him with an elbow to the throat. Reverend begins gasping for air, as Frisco whips him into the ropes. Reverend bounces off the ropes and Frisco kicks him in the gut. Reverend doubles over, putting him in perfect position for Frisco to nail him with the F-BOMB!!! Reverend is out.
The crowd pops!!!
Referee Speedy Riggs rushes from the back. He immediately calls for the bell, throwing this match out.
NO CONTEST Time: 8:33
Dave: The former PCW Continental Champion Frisco is here and has made his presence felt immediately!
Jeff: DAMN meddling kids!
Doug Troy climbs to his feet and steps into the ring. He and Frisco stare each other down for a moment, then embrace in the middle of the ring.
Dave: Are we seeing the reformation of DAMN?
Jeff: Does anyone really care?
Kid Wonder gets to his feet on the outside and begins to jaw up at Doug Troy in the middle of the ring. DT gives KW a cocky smirk followed by a middle finger. KW goes nuts and "tries" to get into the ring, but is held back by the might of Amanda.
Dave: We are out of time!!! We will see you this Friday night, live from the Victoria Harbour Center in Hong Kong, Special Administrative Region. For the entire PCW announce team, I am Dave Kern!! Good night!