Tuesday Turmoil for Tuesday, January 30th, 2001
Live from the Tokyo Dome in Tokyo, Japan
The show opens with with still photos of highlights from Shanghaied to a musical backdrop of "Welcome Back My Friends" from Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Still photos of Trashcan Man laid out and bleeding, Jake Keeton's return, Revenant winning the Extreme Title, Jon Kano retaining the Continental Title, The Preacher's return to PCW and several stills of the arrival of Media along with select audio bites of their comments after the main event. Finally, some replayed footage of the Phantom Booker walking alone into the backstage area and into the darkness, where the opening fades to black.
The usual show opening for Tuesday Turmoil depicting PCW wrestlers standing among the ruins of a burning and crumbling city begins to run. Wrestlers highlighted are Dan Hollywood, Mr. Showtime, Chet King and Tyler Nelson.
The scene shifts to the rear of the Tokyo Dome as a black Humvee limousine pulls up to the back. After a moment, the vehicle comes to a stop, the driver's door opens and out steps the chauffeur. The chauffeur goes to the rear and opens the door and out step a half a dozen lovely ladies. Shortly there after Media Members Chet King and Dan Hollywood step out of the vehicle, followed by Mr. Showtime. Mr. Showtime stops at the doorway to the limo and holds out his hand. A bronzed, lithe, feminine hand slips out of the vehicle and into Showtime's. The camera runs up the arm belonging to that hand to reveal it is none other than movie actress and pop diva Jennifer Lopez.
30,000 plus Japanese men within the Tokyo Dome go nuts at the site of Lopez, and the huge pop can be heard clearly outside the Tokyo Dome.
Finally, Media Chairman and PCW CEO Tyler Nelson steps out of the limo. The four men slap hands, then herd their gaggle of beauties together and head into the rear of the area.
The scene shifts to the inside of the jam packed Tokyo Dome as "Purple Haze" from Jimi Hendrix hits the PA system and pyros shoot off from the ring posts and entryway. Purple smoke begins billowing out of the backstage area while gold polls lower from the ceiling.
Suddenly a half a dozen lovely and buxom ladies emerge from the smoke and begin seductively poll dancing much to the delight of the Japanese fans. Tens of thousands of flash bulbs go off to capture the moment on film.
The cameras scan the arena and settle on several sign holding Japanese fans, all holding signs of their favorite PCW Wrestler Miyagawa. Former PCW Wrestler Rick "Lithium" Nakagawa is shown in the crowd for a moment, but PCW takes care of that, clubbing him into submission and dragging him by his hair to the nearest exit. Finally the camera focuses on former PCW Wrestler Bang Davenport, sitting in the front of row of the nose bleed section, eating some cotton handy with his filthy shoeless feet propped up on the railing.
The scene shifts to the announce table where Dave Kern, Steven Smith and Jeff Marx are ready to go.
Jeff: Jesus, put some f^cking shoes on you Hillbilly!
Dave Kern: (taken back) Hello everyone and welcome to Primetime Championship Wrestling's Tuesday Turmoil. We are coming to you live from the sold old Tokyo Dome in Tokyo, Japan. I am Dave Kern and alongside me are Jeff Marx and Steven Smith. Welcome back Steven.
Steven: Thanks, Dave.
There is dead air.
Dave looks over at Jeff while Steven stares straight ahead.
Jeff: (indignant) What!? I don't give a sh!t that he's back! I was hoping they would make him a permanent guest of the communist state.
Dave: You have no soul. Nevermind.Guys, so much shook out at Shanghaied, I am not even sure when to start, so I suppose the sale of PCW to the Tyler Nelson led Media group is as good as place as any.
Jeff: That's right. Daddy Warbucks, Punjabs, Little Orphan Danny and his Chet are now in control of PCW.
Dave: (chuckling) Who's Punjabs supposed to be, Showtime? If so, why?
Jeff: Well he is tall, bald and bla
"Welcome back my friends" from Emerson, Lake and Palmer mercifully hits the PA system interrupting Dave before his comments landed PCW on the NAACP's Ten Most Wanted list.
Fireworks shoot forth from 30 different locations in the building, as cages drop from the ceiling, containing the same six well endowed beauties who danced to Purple Haze a few moments earlier. The ladies dance and writhe semi-tastefully fashion as the four new principals in PCW, Mr. Showtime (escorting Jennifer Lopez), Chet King, Dan Hollywood and Tyler Green emerge from the entryway. Thousands of flash bulbs go off around the arena at the sight of Lopez, reminding us that we are in Japan, the land of the Rising Flash Bulb.
Boos reign down from the Japanese audience as the new, four man ownership team makes their way towards the ring. A fan reaches over and tries to get Lopez' autograph, just to receive a backhand slap from Mr. Showtime for his troubles.
The four men make it to the ring and enter. Lopez is the last to arrive, and she is gently lifted over by the 6'10, 300 lb Mr. Showtime.
Tyler takes a stroll around the ring, looking at all of the booing Japanese fans. He walks over and makes a comment to the other members of 'Media' who then all share a laugh. Then Tyler opens up his suit jacket and pulls a microphone out from the inside pocket. He begins to speak, wearing a sinister grin on his face.]
Tyler: "Listen to that, guys."
[All of 'Media' raise their hands and cup their ears.]
Tyler: "The sound of ratings shooting through the roof. Millions of people around the world are tuning in to hear what we have to say. Well, we have a lot to say...to all the guys in the back. There has been a lot of b*tching and groaning, p*ssing and moaning from back there. We just got Kleenex as a sponser to take care of all the sniveling and crying going on around here. You got Reverend back there crying about having his title taken away. Wulf's crying cause Rev yelled at him. Vanessa's crying because she doesn't have a real man. LK's crying because Wulf wants to eat him. The whole Congregation is drowning in their sorrows."
[Tyler walks over and puts his arms on the shoulders of Dan and Chet.]
Tyler: "Well, these two magnificent examples of technical wrestling ability are going to wipe the tears off of Wulf and LK with this mat."
[Dan and Chet shake hands and smile big for the near riotous crowd. Tyler then walks over between Showtime and J-Lo.]
Tyler: "Then Mr. Showtime here is going to defend his P.C.W. Television Championship against O.P.F. I think Showtime will have to drag the match out a little so we can get J-Lo some airtime, because, as you can see, J-Lo equals ratings."
Jeff: And she rules, as you can see!
Dave: Infest lives!
Showtime takes J-Lo by the hand and parades her around the ring to a smattering of applause mixed in with the boos.]
Tyler: "That leads me to everyone else in the back *fake cough* Naket *fake cough* Miyagawa. Let me break it down for you to the simplest of terms. We are in firm control and we know what's best for the new P.C.W. If you do as you're told, everything will be peachy-keen. If not, then you'll have a major f*ckin problem. So consider this sweeps time back there. If you show out and make yourself a viable commodity for us to market, then you'll enjoy continued mid-card status. But if you draw low ratings and bomb in the Nielsons, then you may get your ass cancelled."
Tyler turns and passes the mic to 'The A-List' Dan Hollywood. As Dan Hollywood takes the mic, he walks to the edge of the ring, leaning on the ropes to look out into the crowd)
DH: "You know, I gotta give you people some credit. You guys in the crowd who spend your lives putting together the tiny electrical gadgets that Mr. Sony and Hitachi-San think up may not be the smartest little guys in the world, but you do know your wrestling."
DH: The crowd boos, waving Media 'censored' signs, and holding up smashed Emerson, Lake & Palmer records taped to bits of cardboard)
DH: "That's right, you spend most of your free time watching wrestling, and who can blame you for wanting to escape to a fantasy world where your life's work isnt at risk of being obliterated by an earthquake at any moment."
(The other members of Media start to shake their bottles of Perrier from side to side, simulating an earthquake)
DH: "You love wrestling SO much that you can watch match after match of two faceless midgets bouncing around like tiggers for hours on end, and still come back and spend next week's pay cheque on it. Well, tonight you're in for a treat, because, as Tyler said, you get to see the hottest young technical wrestlers in PCW today, myself and Chet King, showcase our skills against a couple of lower mid-card nimrods, shall we say the pew-carriers of the Congregation, Wulf and Lightning Kid. And, as an added bonus, unlike your national heroes, we can actually talk, and we don't have to wear silly masks to cover horribly scarred faces."
(The crowd jeer in outrage at this comment, and an old man with a picture of Tiger Mask keels over)
DH: "And now to the other point, which Tyler touched upon earlier. Some guys round here seem to think the best way to impress the new bosses is to threaten us. Well, Scott Naket and others, you certainly made us laugh, but I wouldn't say we were all that impressed. So we're serving notice on everyone else tonight. All we're interested in is what makes the most money for PCW and Media. But if you cross us, be warned. We can be powerful friends to have, but we can be even more powerful enemies. Get in our way, and we'll just have to run you down."
Dan Hollywood passes the microphone to Chet King the Chat King, who is wearing a Pizza Hut T-shirt beneath his suit jacket. Chet King looks out over the crowd, then blantantly opens up a Shazbot! Orange soda, talks a gulp, then displays the can for the fans at hold.
Chet King: "Hello Tokyo, Japan! Your favourite talk show host and the new President of the PCW is here!"
(The crowd starts a chant of Chet King sucks, sucks, sucks! Chet King sucks, sucks, sucks! As Chet King and the other members of Media shake their heads in disgust.)
Chet King: "Alright then, you've made it obvious that you don't like me, well that's fine by me. So I'll just get straight down to buisness. It seems Miyagawa has escaped from the asylum and now he's out to kill me for the comments I made about him at Shanghi-ed last Sunday."
(The crowd starts chanting Miyagawa as the members of Media either are telling them to shut up or they're covering their ears.)
Jeff: Jesus, the crowd is cheering for Miyagawa! We must be in Japan.
Dave: I thought he was an immigrant.
Jeff: I thought he was a mongrel.
Steven: I dunno, but I saw him in the shower, and he has a little Japanese man's peeter, so who knows.
Chet King: "No one wants hear that piece of garbages name! Miyagawa I couldn't really care the least if your out to get me, because even though your a crazy son of a bitch, and let's face it, that rice pickin' momma of yours is a bitch.
The crowd goes ballistic. PCW security rushes out to protect the ring and its occupants.
Chet King: Miyagawa even a crazy guy like you doesn't want to mess with him. But Miyagawa you will get your chance to meet me soon, but just don't go running around trying to kill me in a dark ally way, just wait untill we here at Media sign the match of you vs. me!"
(The crowd is still chanting Miyagawa!)
Chet King: "Now off that piece of garbage and onto two other losers. The two other loosers I'm referring to are none other then Lightning Kid and Jason Wulf. You two guys are just preparing me for my real battle with Congregation and that's next Friday when me and Tyler Nelson take on Reverend and Macaber Payne, but I suppose we don't really need preperation to take on the ultimate mid-carder and some new guy The Phantom Booker found off the street. But at any rate this preparation is going to be exceedingly easy as I may not even have to get in the ring because Dan Hollywood over here will probably be able to do all the work himself. But nether the less I'll try and get Dan to tag me in because I want a bit of preperation, but if not then I'll live with it as I realize he's also got to prepare for his continental title match this Friday."
(The crowd lets out an intelligible chant in Japanese, but it doesn't sound like they are chanting something nice.)
Chet King: "Chant what ever you want, it's not going to effect me. Now the other business I have to attend to tonight is our on going deals with company's in hope of sponsor ships. Well good news I signed a one night deal with the Pizza Hut corporation. So for the remainder of the night I will be known as Chet "The Pizza Hut" King, and I will be wearing this brilliant Pizza Hut shirt to wrestle."
(Chet King rips off his Armani suit to reveal a Red T-shirt with the Pizza Hut logo on.)
Chet King: "So as you can obviously see the commercialization of the PCW has started, and we won't stop until we're the most commercialized product in the world."
The crowd boos. Chet King passes the microphone Mr. Showtime, and the crowd's booing gets louder. Mr. Showtime smiles out at the crowd, then rubs his hand over his neatly shaven head.
Mr. Showtime opens his mouth to speak, but his words are cut off as The hall's PA system bursts into life, with a wave of bombastic guitar clashes sounding out the intro of "If credit's what matters, I'll take credit" by Hot Snakes. In perfect synchronisity to the solid beat of John Reis' rock masterpiece, a video never before seen in the realm of PCW plays on the imposing super-sized video screen dominating one end of the arena. It shows several shots are shown in rapid succession of technical plans and blueprints, and of science equations, backed by strobe lighting. This is then partially covered by a computer-generated graphic of a man, spinning in full circles. He is a clean shaven white man, with a heavyweight build, blessed with impressive pectoral muscles and quads particularly. He is fairly pale, with a head of black hair cut to a very-near skinhead shortness. In his brown eyes there is a cold, calculation look, though not completely without a humanitarian warmth. He wears only black pads with red centres and black trunks with a small German flag on the right side. Then, after a few seconds, as red and yellow bands of light sweep over the faces of the stunned audience, these to are replaced by images of industrial machinery operating - mostly white so it isn't made unclear by the lighting effects of the grand entrance.
The four members of Media are outraged by this interruption, and try to speak into their microphones, but someone has cut their feed.
The man displayed moments previously on the video display can then be seen walking out onto the walkway. He holds in one hand a bottle of Lucozade the popular isotonic beverage, and in the other, a microphone bearing the PCW logo. He dispenses with any posing, as he is aware the fans no nothing of the heavy set fighter now standing before them, taking a long, slow drink from the bottle, which he then tosses accurately to a security guard manning the steel rails lining the approach to ringside. He then slowly but steadily raises the microphone to his visibly dampened lips.*
Mystery Man: Hello P - C - W!
The members of Media look on from the ring and point at the stranger. Tyler Green whispers something to Dan Hollywood, and Hollywood shrugs.
*This derives a mixed, but generally positive reaction from the multitude of men, women and children, each and every one staring expectantly at the man atop the stage. As he continues, it is apparent to most fans that the figure has a slight German accent.*
Mystery Man: I know, az you do, that I am a stranger, quite possibly to each and every one of you, but that situation will change, especially for you four in that ring. You may have no incentive to alter the current state of affairz, but I do. I want to get to know the people I will be trying my hardest to entertain, and to win in-front off. Because without you, no fighter who enters this arena of champions, and not even the PCW itself amounts to anything. You make us what we are, and for that, I am grateful to you. I am Hans Kruger, and I ask you to give serious consideration to my claim to be the world'z greatest active technical wrestler.
*This claim draws little reaction from the crowd. After all, how many professional wrestlers make a similar statement on hundreds of channels weekly? But the smiling German continues unphased.
The claim does, however, provoke a cocky smile and "masturbation motion" from Tyler Green.*
Hans Kruger: Practice makes perfect, Green.
Green cocky smile turns to a scowl. He points to Kruger and begins jawing in his direction. Unphase, Kruger continues.
Hans Kruger: I know what you fans are thinking, I think. But listen on. Many a fighter haz spoken those very words, world-wide, but what have they done to prove this? True, many such proclaimants do indeed perform some highlt technical maneuvers, and some do them better than any other fighter in their promotion, but what theze people do not do is really revolutionize the basic tenets of the science that is their profession. I do. Take pinning, for example. No other fighter, to my knowledge, has dis-assembled the pinning process, and redeveloped it from scratch. From the ground up, I have taken the little thought of method by which most matches are ended, and made it, for all intents and purposes unbreakable!
I'm sorry, my friendz, for again, I'm talking about things you don't relate to, especially you four up in the ring, so I will change the subject to something we all know about. "Media".
*Kruger's comments spark an angry reaction in Mr. Showtime, who tries to rush from the ring to attack the brash newcomer. Hollywood and King grab a hold of Showtime's arms and hold him back, while Jennifer speaks to him and tries to calm him down.
The multi-cultural host of observers make their displeasure heard plainly, regarding the new owners of Primetime Championship Wrestling. Hans stands shaking his head until quiet once again reigns supreme the fans eagerly, and rather tensely awaiting to hear who's side the new figure is taking.*
Hans Kruger: I'm sure you've heard everything Tyler Nelson has to say about 'entertainment'. In fact, I'm sure you've heard it all at least one thousand equally mind-numbing times!
*The fans, on realising Hans is with them, and against "Media", roar their approval. Banners catch the eye, which sport slogans such as "Full Nelson, Half Wit", and "Chet King the S**t King". The glamour and glory in the ranks of the PCW fans is a magnificent sight to behold, and Hans stands amazed, openly grinning with wonder.*
Hans Kruger: (*smiling throughout*) Thank you! Thank you all! It means a lot, it really does! But back to the matter in hand. I am willing to stand up to "Media", because of my beliefs, and because of you good people. The Double-you in Pee-See-Double-you stands for wrestling, and wrestling iz what I am here to do. Good, solid entertainment that you, and I enjoy. The Double-you in Pee-See-Double-you does not stand for "Wasting everyone'z time with flashy tacky crap that insults everyone's intelligence", and some people would do well to remember that!
*Again, vocal support from the on-lookers is in no short supply, as they cheer on Hans' speech of resistance, and morality. Hans again simply waits for a lull in volume, so he can re-enter his soliloque.*
Hans Kruger: I hope you four are listening, in fact, you should start taking notes. I have been taking notes on you for some time now, after all. That is just part of my usual match preparations. I find it improves my focus, and therefore my peak level of efficiency, to know az much about my opposition before I do battle az iz possible. When you four come out here, to respond to me, I will be able to tell you half of the words that you will blurt out in haste before you even think them up. And just like I can predict what you will say, I can predict what you will do. I can avoid every move I do not counter, and counter every move I do not avoid. This is a product of efficiency, and of the level of technical excellence I, and I alone am at. Unrivalled would be a good work to describe it.
Kruger points up into the ring, directly at Tyler Nelson.
Hans Kruger: So listen to me, Tyler Nelson, when I say your takeover of this fine organisation will not go smoothly for you, and listen to me, Tyler Nelson, when I say I will do everything in my ability to stop you and your associates dead in your tracks, and listen very closely, Tyler Nelson, when I down right, out and out promise you that I am capable of beating you, and Mr Showtime, and Chet King, and Dan Hollywood, and will do so, until you relinquish control of a company which should, by rights, belong to theze fine people sitting, and standing all around me!
*Once again, Showtime tries to leave the ring to get at Kruger, but Hollywood holds him back.
As the speech reaches a crescendo, the crowd call out in support. They call out for more, from the German ring technician standing tall before them.*
Hans Kruger: Let me ask you, Tyler, regarding you, and your watered-down excuse for a product, what type of punch will draw more ratingz? A punch from you to me, with sparkling lights, and magic music all around, and a flashing scoreboard, with a firing cannon, and a great big brass band or a punch from me, right in your greedy little mouth?
*Nelson is incensed by these comments. His eyes narrow and he points to Kruger and gives him a "We'll see about that" nod of the head.
The fans are getting into the swing of the monologue. They are hearing words held within all there hearts, and they are loving it. And more importantly, they are letting Hans know that they are loving it.*
Hans Kruger: And which will hurt more, Tyler? You, hitting me, motivated by money, and power, and fame, and spawned of inferior technical ability or me laying one on you, motivated by people I care about, and there will for me to hurt you? A punch based on such a high standard of efficiency and technical ability it will feel like no other punch you have taken on your clean cut, fake tanned little chin? (*He turns to the crowd.*) I think we all know the answer!
*The German's statement brings the passion of the fans to a head, and the loudest, longest cheer yet ensues. He grins, and then continues, keeping both the tempo and temperature high.*
Jeff: I don't understand what is holding Media back. Why haven't the pounced on Sargent Schultz?
Dave: It looks like they want to size up their new foes.
Hans Kruger: And I don't care how many of your wannabe wrestler friends you want to bring with you. I mean I ask you Chet King the Chat King. If there was ever an example of poor focus, poor in-ring ability and trying to cover over such facts by some inane distraction, he is it. Chet I know from the 3 episodes of your "zany antics" I have seen, and from the fights involving you that I have seen, that you are a better talker than you are a fighter, and I think deep down, you know it too. Infact, I think that iz why you talk so much! But I believe in focus, Chet, and so why don't you just quit your day job, get yourself a TV slot on some god-awful little station, and get out of the ring for good?
*Another good crowd reaction enjoyment plain to see in the faces of the fans and of Hans, as he speaks.*
Hans Kruger: Get out while you are ahead. It iz a lot more fun that being tossed out on your ear, while the fans cheer on the man who caused your fall from grace me and boo your every public appearance for the rest of your life. That doesn't sound much fun, doez it, Chet, particularly for one living in the public eye, such as yourself. But that, Chet King, is the consequence of going against me, and against every fan and aficionado of PCW.
And lest we forget "The A-List" Dan Hollywood
Dan Hollywood points to himself with a look of shock.
Dan Hollywood: Let me tell you, Mr Hollywood, flash and flair iz no substitute for in-ring ability, and the source of in-ring ability iz efficiency, focus, and technical excellence, and the embodiment of in-ring ability in Hans Kruger. And if you are intent on staying with "Media" staying in the public eye then it iz my personal duty to give you a warning. My warning to you, Dan Hollywood, is that when I come calling, all the hype, and coloured lights, and banging fireworks, and crazy-ass sunglasses in the world will not stop me achieveing my goals.
I hope you are listening, Dan, or Tyler, or Chet, or Showtime, or even the Executive Producer himself, my goals are very simple. The fine, fun loving PCW fanatics like the ones in this arena tonight, don't want to see your product. Your hyped-up, crazy, zany, downright wacky form of sports entertainment! They don't want every punch to receive a doctored response like a Dallas Cowboy scoring in the Superbowl! They want real wrestlers coming up with the real goods. I am that real wrestler, and if the Executive and his "Media" don't relinquish control of PCW, I will deliver those real goods, right in your face, on your doorstep!
*There is a final, uproarious conflageration of sheer noise, as the PCW supporters present do their damnedest to raise the roof, raise their spirits, and put the fear of Kruger into PCW's new ruling class. The thunderous approval of the crowd is too much for the four members of Media to stand, as they all slide out of the ring and begin charging up the aisle.
Jeff: Woo hoo!! Mr. Clean is gonna get it now!
Kruger stands his ground at the ramp, ready to receive Media's charge. The four men get about half way up the aisle way, the suddenly stop as their eyes grow wide. The crowd lets out a thunderous pop.
Dave: Why are the stopping?
Jeff: Look at the entryway!
Kruger seems confused by their sudden lack of fire to fight and his eyes narrow and he swings around to find Doug Troy and Frisco flanking him, each brandishing a steel chair. Kruger seems unsure of their intentions, then Frisco nods to Kruger, while DT stamps his feet quickly and beckons the Media members to come closer. Kruger returns Frisco's nod, and turns back to face Green and the rest of Media. Kruger points both hands at the four members of Media and beckons them to come closer. Media holds their ground and pointing and jawing back at the three detractors, but making no effort to advance.
Finally a sea of security and referees rush from the back and separate the two groups. At the sign of the security rushing out Media suddenly gains "new found desire" to tussle with their foes, but "fortunately" for Frisco, Kruger and DT, security holds them back.
Dave: Whoa!!! What a way to get things started here tonight. We are going to head to a commercial while security regains control. When we come back, we will head to our first match of the evening.
(Commercial: PCW March Madness, Sunday, March 4th, 2001, live and only on Pay-Per-View. Call your local cable or satelite provider today to order!)
Dave: Ok, welcome back to Turmoil. We are ready to head to the ring for our first match of the evening.
("Da Bomb" by The Bucketheads plays as JJ comes out)
Clay: Making his way to the ring, from Wutdahell, Idaho, at a weight of 240 pounds.......JJ
("Last Resort" by Papa Roach plays as Hendrix comes out)
Clay: His opponent, from Dallas, Texas, at a weight of 275 pounds.......HENDRIX
JJ comes at Hendrix but is taken down with an armdrag, then another. Hendrix locks an armbar onto JJ. JJ gets back to his feet, kicks at Hendrix's ribs some, then flips him over. JJ stomps on Hendrix some before locking him in a side headlock. Hendrix gets up quickly and pushes JJ into the ropes. Leapfrog from Hendrix. Hendrix then hits JJ with a back body drop over the top rope and down to the arena floor. JJ goes out after him against the ishes of referee Speedy Riggs. Speedy strts to count the two men out as JJ beats on Hendrix some on the outside. JJ pulls Hendrix up and slams his head onto the announce table.
Jeff: Great, jobbers are trying to break our table
JJ then lifts Hendrix in the air and hits him with a shoulderbreaker on the outside. JJ whips Hendrix hard into the steel steps right afterwards then rolls Hendrix back into the ring before they get counted out. JJ walks over to where Clay is sitting and grabs a mic. Hendrix looks to be out in the ring. JJ speaks........
JJ: What comes after L!?!
Crowd: BOW
JJ then goes to hit The "What Comes After L" Bow but, when he goes down, Hendrix grabs him. Hendrix then pulls JJ up and hits him with The Experience. Hendrix covers and Speedy Riggs counts, 1......2......3
WINNER: Hendrix
Dave: So, Hendrix has a successful PCW debut.
Jeff: (feigning snoring)
Dave: Oh, would you stop it already!
Jeff: (acting as if he just woke up) Wha, what?
Dave: Steven, you've been very quiet tonight.
Steven: Well, there haven't been an blatant opportunities for me to flaunt my homosexuality as of yet, but I am sure by the end of the night I will get a few sentences out.
Dave: (sighing) Ok, I am told we are ready for our next match. Let's head to the ring.
(Take if from IPC hits over the P.A. system. Leshawn Spade steps out of the entranceway and strikes a little pose. Leshawn Spade walks down to the ring. Leshawn Spade hops into the ring and practices a few moves while he waits for Nemesis to come to the ring.)
Clay Clayborne: Weighing in at 275 pounds, Leshawn Spade!!!
Steven Smith: Wow! Look at him practice those moves. I've never seen someone do such great moves.
Dave Kern: What are you talking about. Oh wait I don't want to know what kind of moves you've seen him do.
(A fan wearing a trench coat and a ski mask. The man hops over the railing and jumps into the ring. Leshawn Spade turns around and sees this fan. Leshawn Spade throws a punch but the fan ducks.)
Jeff Marx: He can't even punch a fan. Talk pathetic.
Steven Smith: What are you talking about? Leshawn Spade is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
(In the ring Leshawn Spade and the fan are trading punches. Leshawn Spade starts to get the upper hand with the exchange of right hands. Leshawn Spade grabs the fans left arm and whips him into the ropes. Leshawn Spade lowers his head for a back body drop but the fan sees this and counters with a boot to the head. Speedy Riggs is now trying to get in between the to men to break up the fight. Speedy Riggs is successful and both men go to separate corners. Le Spade is yelling at the fan for attacking him. The fan removes his mask to show that it is Nemesis.)
Jeff Marx: Damn, I was hoping it was just a fan so maybe that match would get better. I guess all the matches can't be good.
(Speedy Riggs calls for the bell. Nemesis and Leshawn Spade circle for a bit before locking up in a test of strength. Nemesis loses interest in this quickly and kicks Leshawn Spade in the gut. DDT is preformed by Nemesis. Leshawn Spade is sprawled out on the ground.)
Dave Kern: That was one powerful DDT. I mean it just took him out in sooooooo fast.
Jeff Marx: No matter what happens nothing will save this match.
Steven Smith: How can you say that? Leshawn Spade is great. What did I tell you guys before. I'm still mad at you guys for leaving me back there in China.
Jeff Marx: Do you think we care? Ouch leg drop preformed by Nemesis.
(Nemesis gets up from the leg drop and picks up Le Spade. He sets Leshawn Spade up for The Omen. Nemesis hits the Omen and rolls outside the ring.)
Jeff Marx: Make the pin. Make the pain end for the love of god make the pain end.
(Nemesis grabs the closest chair he can find and throws it into the ring. The chair lands with a thud on the matt. Nemesis rolls back in and gives The Omen again to Leshawn Spade. Leshawn Spade is lying in the ring unconscious. Nemesis makes the cover..1..2.3.)
Winner: Nemesis Time: 3:22
Jeff Marx: We have a winner thank god. We have a winner. Damn it Le Spade isn't finished. When will it end.
Dave: I hope soon, I'm getting hungry.
(Nemesis picks up the chair and hits the fallen Leshawn Spade in the head to make sure he is out cold. Nemesis then takes Leshawn Spade's leg and puts it in the chair. Nemesis climbs the top rope and signals that he is going to jump off.)
Jeff Marx: Do it so we don't have to watch him for weeks maybe even months if we are lucky.
Steven Smith: No don't do it. How can you do that to the greatest thing since sliced bread?
(Nemesis jumps off the top rope and lands on the chair. A loud Snap is heard in the arena. No scream is heard or even a whimper of pain. The referee has seen enough)
Dave: At least he took it like a man. Let's cut to commercial because no one wants to see the paramedics come out and drag him out of here.
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by KFC and Pizza Hut.)
Dave: Welcome back folks. Ok, we are ready to head the ring for our next. Wait a minute!!! I am being told there is a commotion in the back.
The scene shifts to the backstage area of the Tokyo Dome where the referee from Sunday's Shanghai-ed PPV main event, Bob Charlie is exiting a locker room along with fellow referee Speedy Riggs. The two men exit the locker and turn right and begin walking towards the camera.
Suddenly, Doug Troy comes sprinting down the hallway with a steel chair in hand. The two referees stop and whirl around to see what the commotion is, but it is too late, as DT is upon them. DT thrusts the top of the chair into Bob Charlie's gut, causing him to double over. Speedy Riggs runs to get help. As Charlie is doubled over, DT slams the chair down hard across Charlie's back, driving him to the concrete floor below. Then, Doug Troy smashes the chair down across the prone Charlie's back on final time and throws the chair aside. DT knees down a moves his face a few inches away from the writhing Charlie.
DT: (extending his index fingers as he counts) I gave you one, two, three whacks with the chair to remind you that there is a number above two, you jackass.
DT then sneers at Charlie and walks away.
Dave: WHOA!! Doug Troy takes revenge against Bob Charlie for stopping DT's pinfall attempt at two and deciding to throw out the World Title match this past Sunday at Shanghaied.
Jeff: DT comes up pretty huge when it comes to beating down 50 year old referees with chairs, but show up real small when it comes to the big matches.
Steven: Jeff's mom told me Doug game up pretty big
Steven's words are cut off by a stiff slap. Steven begins sobbing.
Steven: (sobbing) I was just reporting the facts!
Another slap is heard then the sounds of a scuffle.
Dave: (sighing) While these two settle their differences, we are going to head to the ring for our next match between Scott Naket and The Knight. The Knight may be new to PCW, but he and Naket are no strangers to each other.
There is dead air that is filled by the sounds of the Smith/Marx scuffle.
Dave: Let's head to the ring.
("Walk" by Pantera" plays as The Knight comes out)
Clay: Making his way to the ring, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, at a weight of 267 pounds.......THE KNIGHT
("Somebody's Gotta Feel This" by Kid Rock plays and "The Hot One" comes out)
Clay: His opponent, from Vancouver, Britih Columbia, Canada, at a weight of 247 pounds.......SCOTT NAKET
Knight jumps all over SN upon his entrance to the ring to get the early advantage. Knight pulls SN to his feet, whips him into the ropes, and takes him down with a lariat. Knight makes a cover, 1.....2....SN easily kicks out. Knight pulls SN up and whips him into the corner. Knight then sets SN up for a back body drop as h bounces out of the corner. SN sees it and turns it into a spinning neckbreaker, 1.....2.....kick out by Knight. SN whips Knight into the ropes. Knight comes back, grabs Naket by the hair, and yanks him down to the mat. Knight stomps on SN some before covering, 1.....2...kick out by SN.
Dave: What's this?
Jeff: It's Kremmen!
Kremmen emerges from the tunnel wheeling a gurney. On the gurney, is a crash dummy wearing an sHs T-shirt.
Knight picks SN up and bodyslams him to the mat. He then drops an elbow right across the throat of SN before covering, 1.....2....kick out by SN. Knight pulls Naket up and whips him into the corner hard. SN bounces out and is caught by Knight. Knight lifts him up and hits him with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Knight with another cover, 1......2...SN gets a shoulder up. Knight argues with Speedy Riggs about it for a moment, then goes back to work on SN. Knight pulls SN up and hits him with a snap suplex. He then locks him in a head scissors. After about 10-15 seconds, Knight lets the hold go and covers Naket once more, 1.....2....shoulder up. Knight is definitely getting frustrated. He pulls SN up and lifts him up for a brainbuster. In mid-move, SN gets out of it, ends up behind Knight, then knees him in the small of the back. SN then grabs Knight and hits him with the Hott Drop. Naket makes a cover, 1......2......3
WINNER: Scott Naket
As soon as the referee raises Naket's arm, Kremmen pushes his gurney towards the ring and let's go. Naket, the fans and referee watch as the gurney makes it trek, as if in slow motion. Finally, the gurney reaches the ringside area, hits the ring post, then tips over.
The camera focuses in on Kremmen as he mouths "Still got it" to the camera, before disappearing into the backstage area.
Dave: So Scott Naket avenges the loss suffered by his sHs stable mate Revenant, who dropped a match last week against the Knight.
Jeff: Speaking of Revenant, he will be up next, where he faces off against good looking PCW newcomer, Slick Mick Green!
Dave: You sound like you think highly of Green.
Steven: I like him too. Slick rhymes with lick you know.
Dave and Jeff: (simultaneously) Jackass!
Dave: Let's head to the ring.
("What If" by Creed plays as the Extreme champion, Revenant, emerges brandishing a kendo stick.)
Clay: The following is a non-title, no disqualification match. Introducing first, from The Eight Gates of Hell, at a weight of 267 pounds, he is the PCW Extreme champion.......REVENANT
Jeff: Aren't there nine planes of Hell? That means there'd have to be nine gates, right?
Dave: I have no idea and why would you?
Jeff: I dunno, Mark Malloy was possessed by the devil when I used to work with him back during he hayday of the MWF. He used to spout off about it.
(Smashing Pumpkins' "Gek U.S.A" plays as "Slick" ick Green comes out being dragged by Ms Parker.)
Jeff: Look, Mick Green's afraid. Why is he in PCW if he's nothing but a chicken?
Dave: Cause he's a talented chicken, that's why.
Clay: His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Ms. Parker, from Miami, Florida, at a weight of 232 pounds......."SLICK" MICK GREEN
SMG doesn't want to go in so Rev goes out. Rev stalks SMG with the kendo stick as he slowly backs away. As he backs away, SMG backs right into the ring post. Rev swings the stick but, luckily for him, SMG ducks it and Rev only hits post. SMG then runs around the ring as Rev gives chase. SMG slides in first followed by Rev. When Rev slides in, SMG starts stomping away at him. He then grabs the kendo stick dropped by Rev and break it over his back. SMG makes a cover, 1.....2....Rev kicks out with authority. Rev gets up and SMG suddenyl turns pale, like he's scared to death. He tries running out of the ring but Rev grabs him from behind. He then hits him with a reverse DDT. Rev covers, 1......2...SMG kicks out. Rev stomps on the poor SMG some more before exiting the ring. He looks under the ring and pulls out a fire extinguisher. SMG gets up inside the ring and is about to go through the ropes but Rev sprays him with the extinguisher. He then goes into the ring as SMG tries to figure out where he is. Once he can be seen, Rev whacks him across the skull with the extinguisher. Instead of pinning him, he'd rather inflict more pain onto him. He goes out of the ring and grabs his Extreme title belt. He then slides it into the ring before sliding back in himself. Rev pulls SMG up and lifts him high in the air for a crucifix poweromb. SMG, being the smaller guy that he is, wiggles away from the grip of Rev. He then stands behind Rev and takes him down with a double leg takedown. Rev's face is slammed right onto the title belt. With Rev hurting from that, SMG seizes the opportunity and locks him in the Miami Vise. Rev holds on for a bit, but then taps out.
WINNER: "Slick" Mick Green Time: 5:01
Dave: So Slick Mick Green comes out victorious over the Extreme Champ.
Jeff: But it wasn't for the title, so it don't mean jack.
Dave: Can you never allow anyone to enjoy a moment in the sun?
Jeff: Nope!
Dave: OK, we are ready for our next match, which is for the Rising Star Title, so let's head to the ring.
("Cinema" by Floater plays as Macaber Payne comes out being led, as always, by The Caretaker.)
Clay: The following is a 4 Corners match for the PCW Rising Star championship. Introduing irst, being accompanied to the ring by The Caretaker, from Los Angeles, California, at a weight of 324 pounds.......MACABER PAYNE
("Sirius" by the Alan Parsons Project plays as Guy Leslie comes out accompanied by Kristine.)
Clay: His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Kristine, from Clevland, Ohio, at a weight of 260 pounds......."THE MACHINE" GUY LESLIE
("Last Resort" by Papa Roach plays as Corporal Punishment comes out)
Clay: And their opponent, from Houston, Texas, at a weight of 220 pounds.......CORPORAL PUNISHMENT
(Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy" plays as the last man in the match, Putter Mayhem, comes out.)
Clay: Finally, from Indianapolis, Indina, at a weight of 250 pounds.......PUTTER MAYHEM
Dave: Unlike at Shanghi-ed, this will not be an elimination match so the action tonight should be as hot as ever.
This time we have ourselves a traditional 4 corners match. Only 2 men start off in the ring and the other two wait to be tagged in. The two starting off are CP and PM. They lock up in the center of the ring. PM backs CP into the corner. PM backs away for a moment at the request of referee Buzz Meacham, but then hits CP with a couple knife edge chops. He then whips him hard into the other corner. CP comes bouncing out and is met with a high leg clothesline from PM. PM makes a cover, 1......2....kick out by CP. PM pulls CP up, backs him against the ropes, then chops him a couple times. PM then takes CP and whips him into the ropes. As CP bounces off the ropes, Guy makes a blind tag tagging himelf in. PM hits CP with a clothesline, then covers, but Meacham won't make the count. Guy grabs PM as he covers CP and pulls him up by his hair. As hes doing that, PM grabs Guy and hits him with a jawbreaker. PM makes a cover on Guy, 1.....2....CP already in to break it up. CP and Guy are both up. They whip PM into the ropes and hit himw ith a flapjack. CP exits the ring as PM is covered by Guy, 1.....2...MP in to break it up. He grabs Guy and easily tosses him from the ring. He then grabs the arm of PM and pulls him over to his corner. MP goes back out of the ring. As PM starts getting up, MP tags himself in. He immediately goes out and beats up the other legal man, Guy Leslie. As he's doing that, CP goes into the ring, bounces off the ropes, then goes for a springboard plancha on MP. MP catches the crusierweight though and it doesn't look good.
Dave: No Macaber, don't do it!
MP takes CP and powerslams him through the announce table. He then takes the limp body of CP and tosses him over the top rope and back INTO the ring. Guy gets up and tries beating on MP but MP feels none of it. He then kicks Guy hard in the gut, then rolls him back into the ring. Meanwhile, PM has gone up top and hits CP with a guillotine ledrop. Referee Buzz Meacham has lost control of who's legal and who's not, so he just lets them all fight. PM covers CP, 1.....2...MP in to break it up. He then tosses Putter from the ring but, unlike the others, he'll get back up. Inside the ring, Guy gets back up but is hit with The Summoner by MP. MP then lifts Guy high in the air and hits him with The Spirit Fall. MP makes a cover, 1......2...CP barely over to break it up. MP just looks at CP, whips him into the ropes, and hits him with The Summoner. CP is then lifted high in the air and is dropped on his head with The Spirit Fall. MP makes another cover, this time on CP, 1......2....PM back in the ring to break it up. He has more luck against MP as he stomps on him but, soon enough, MP does get back up. He turns around and looks at PM as he tries to hurt the big man. MP just laughs, then kicks PM. He sets him up for The Spirit Fall but, like at the PPV, PM gets out of it. He then pushes MP into the corner, follows, and hits the Five Iron Frenzy. Instead of taking a risk and covering MP, he makes the cover and the fallen Guy Leslie instead, 1.......2.......3
WINNER and *NEW* Rising Star champion: Putter Mayhem
Dave: So Putter Mayhem wins the PCW Rising Star Title.
Jeff: What a minute, wasn't this match supposed to be elimination.
Dave: I believe so, but the editor is too tired to rewrite the screwed up match he received from the writer.
Jeff: Look!
Post match, Putter Mayhem is celebrating his victory, when Macaber Payne climbs to his feet. Mayhem whirls around to face Payne, but Payne's arm lashes out and scoops Mayhem up and nails him with the Spirit Fall. Mayhem lands hard on his head and is out cold. Payne and the Caretaker stand over Mayhem
Dave: That was a cheap shot if I ever saw one.
Jeff: Hey, when you step inside the squared circle, you better always protect yourself.
Dave: I suppose you're right Jeff. Ok, I am being told our next match is ready to go, where Mr. Showtime will defend his PCW Television Title against OPF. So we are going to head to the ring.
("Done Fear the Reaper" plys as O.P.F comes out)
Clay: The following is for the PCW Television championship. Introducing first, the challenger, from Amstradam, The Netherlands, at a weight of 280 pounds.......O.P.F
("Danger" by Mystikal plays as the Tv champ, Mr. Showtime, comes out with his new leading lady, "J-Lo" herself, Jennifer Lopez.)
Clay: His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Jennifer Lopez, from Brooklyn, New York, at a weight of 300 pounds, he is the PCW Television champion.......MR. SHOWTIME
OPF goes to kick Showtime as he enters, but the TV champ grabs his foot, then kicks him square in the nuts. OPF doubles over then falls down in extreme pain. J-Lo laughs on the outside. Showtime laughs on the inside as referee Buzz Meacham warns him about doing that. Showtime ignores the warning and beats on OPF some more. He stomps away at him for a while, then drags him over to the ropes and starts using them to choke the challenger. Showtime starts to gloat in the middle of the ring as OPF catches his breath. OPF slowly gets up as Showtime still has his back turned, talking to Lopez. When he turns around, OPF hits him with a running lariat. OPF lifts Showtime up and hits him with a gutbuster. OPF makes a cover, 1....2...kick out by Showtime. Showtime is a little slow getting up. OPF stomps on him some, then starts to say some things to Jennifer Lopez on the outside. While he's distracted, Shotime gets back to his feet. He comes up from behind OPF, grabs him, then hits him with the Showtime Slam. Cover from the champ, 1......2......3
WINNER and *STILL* Television champion: Mr. Showtime
Jeff: That match sucked!! Both those guys suck!
Post match, Showtime walks up the ramp arm and arm with Jennifer Lopez. When they reach the entryway, the stop, turnaround and take a bow. Suddenly, a blurred enters the picture from the top of the screen as a masked man without shoes lands directly on top of Showtime.
Jeff: (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder who that could be? Hmmmm!
Steven: (singing, like a woman) Things that make you go hmmmm. (singing, like a man) Things that make you go hmmmmm.
The barefooted assailant, lays his grubbing feet to Showtime several times laying him out. He then grabs J-Lo, but a mass of security runs out chasing the barefooted assailant off.
Dave: Well, I don't have much to add to that. I am being told our opening segment ran a little long, so we are going to head to the ring for a matchup between three PCW newcomers, Misfit, Brad Hull and Chris Metal. Let's head to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: The following match is a three way dance! Making his way to the ring at this time, from Birmingham, Alabama, weighing in at 267 pounds, Chris Metal!
Blue lights come on and swing round the ramp way and the ring. A loud screech of a car is heard, and the lights change to green then back to blue. The first chord of "Never Die" by Cream is heard, then the arena goes quiet. The lights turn red and focus on the entrance to the rampway while the eerie guitar riff is going on. As the drums start to play, the lights turn to blue again and a blue pyro on each side of the platform (where the wrestlers stand before the rampway) shoots off. The pyros cross paths about 25 feet up, and just as they do, they make a loud bang and Chris Metal bursts through the entrance onto the platform, with Victor Thompson (his manager) and Trav(his "associate") around 6 feet behind. Chris has two bottles of water with him. He goes to one side of the platform and shows off to the fans with a sort of Chris Jericho pose, then chucks one bottle of water into the crowd. He does the same on the other side. He then walks down the rampway looking as confident as Stone Cold, with his friends following at the same distance again. Vic and Trav stay outside the ring, while Chris does a cartwheel then jumps up onto the apron. He runs to the turnbuckle and climbs halfway up, looking out to the crowd just like The Rock does. He then goes back to the apron, turns round and shows off to the crowd again, then backflips onto his feetintothe ring. He runs to the ropes and just before he gets to them, jumps into a forward roll. Halfway through the roll he bounces off the ropes and jumps up and lands on his feet, then runs to the opposite ropes and does the same. He continues this until opponent reaches the ring.
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 289 pounds, "The Psychotic" Brad Hull!
The lights dim low but no off. Slowly his music, "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson, plays gradually getting louder then at the climax pyros erupt and Brad walks out. Behind him a few steps is his blond bombshell valet, Dakota Mitchell. Brad looks around and smiles then raising his hands in the air more pyros explode and smoke clouds the entrance way. Brad walks through it with a psychotic look in his eyes, Dakota follows behind. In the ring he punches himself a few times in the face and then he zones out waiting for his opponent.
Clay Clayborne: And their opponent, from Navato, California, weighing in at 220 pounds, Misfit!
The light fades to a purple glow as each of the six ICP jokers cards flash on the screen then with an explosion of pyro on the screen it reads "Only ONE" then "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park plays and Misfit runs down the ramp as red lazers begin to form shapes on the roof of the arena.
The bell rings and Hull goes for a double clothesline. He nails Metal, but Misfit ducks it and dropkicks Hull in the back, staggering the big man forward a few steps, but not knocking him off his feet. Hull turns around and charges at Misfit who leapfrogs him and bounces off the ropes. He comes back in time to meet a clothesline from Metal who had just climbed to his feet. Hull takes a big swing at Metal, who steps inside the haymaker and locks up Hull's arm, dropping to the mat and locking his legs around Hull's arm in a short arm scissors. Misfit gets up to see Metal holding onto Hull and starts to stomp away at Hull's trapped shoulder. Metal releases the hold and picks Hull up. Misfit grabs Hull's other arm, and both men sling Hull into the ropes and catch him with a double back drop. Misfit drops a leg across Hull's throat as Metal drops an elbow across Hull's chest. Metal goes for the cover 12 and Misfit drags him off and goes for the cover himself. Metal's having none of it and picks Misfit up by the hair. Both men start trading punches. Misfit kicks Metal in the gut, bending him over, then jumps up, putting his leg on top of Metal's neck for a Tennessee Jam (Fameasser for those of you that only watch the WWF). Metal straightens up, flipping Misfit over onto his feet, and nails him with a short arm clothesline. He lands a couple of boots on Misfit, and turns around in time for Hull to wrap his hands around his throat. Hull snarls and tosses Metal into a corner. He punches Metal in the head a couple of times before lowering his head and ramming his shoulder into Metal's midsection a few times. The ref pulls Hull off of him, and Metal slumps down to the mat. Hull backs off, and Misfit jumps up on his back and locks in a sleeper hold. Hull swings his arms wildly, trying to throw Misfit off, and then just falls straight back, pinning Misfit underneath him. The ref counts 12 and Misfit kicks out. Both men get to their feet, and Misfit kicks Hull in the gut, landing a DDT. Misfit quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle and nails a moonsault onto Hull. The ref counts 12 AND HULL GETS THE SHOULDER UP!!! Misfit jumps up in the ref's face, complaining about a slow count. He turns around as Hull is rising to his feet, grabs his head, and swings it around in a neckbreaker. He goes for the cover again 12 and Hull kicks out again. Misfit gets up, looking frustrated, and turns around to meet Metal's boot in his face. Metal picks Misfit up and lands a snap suplex. He bounces off the ropes and nails a leg drop across Misfit's chest and goes for the cover 12 and Misfit kicks out. Metal gets up and slings Misfit into the ropes, meeting him with a reverse flying head scissors, which he then uses his position to apply the Metalock! The ref bends down to check on Misfit, but Misfit hasn't tapped out yet. Suddenly a boot meets the back of Metal's head. Hull snarls as he picks up Metal in a gorilla press, and tosses him over the top rope. Hull climbs over the ropes and drops down to the floor. He picks up Metal and slings him back first into the ring apron. Metal stumbles forward, clutching his back, and Hull scoops him up and carries him over to the guardrail, dropping him neck first across the cold steel. He confidently grabs the back of Metal's head and slams it into the guardrail. He grabs Metal by his hair and pulls it back, showing the newly open cut on Metal's forehead. Hull laughs and nails a big open handed slap across Metal's face, staggering him back. Hull grins as he goes to sling Metal into the steel ring steps, but Metal reverses it and sends Hull shoulder first into the steps instead. Metal staggers over, and nails a German suplex onto the concrete. He slowly climbs to his feet and picks Hull up. He starts dragging him over to the announcer's table, but Misfit gets to his feet inside the ring and sees both men on the outside. Misfit runs and bounces off the ropes, then leaps over the top rope and nails both men with a suicide plancha. All three men are in a jumbled heap on the floor as the ref starts a 10 count. 12 Misfit gets up and picks Hull up, slinging him into the guardrail. 34 Metal gets up and follows after the two men, as Hull rakes Misfit's eyes and starts laying in punches. 56 Metal clubs Hull in the back with a forearm, and all three men are brawling their way up the ramp. 78...910! The ref calls for the bell.
Winner: No contest
All three men continue to brawl their way up the ramp. A couple of guys from PCW security run out to break them up, and get laid out by all three men for their troubles. They continue to fight as they stagger backstage.
Dave: So all three men with an impressive showing, but none of them can pick up the duke.
Steven: Yeah, but none of them lost either.
Jeff: Agreed. The only losers that match were those in attendance and those watching at home because we had the misfortune of witnessing it.
Dave: I am sure there is a large portion of our viewing audience who would disagree with that sentiment.
Jeff: The only portion of our audience who would disagree is the blind portion.
Dave: (sighing) Let's head to a commercial.
(PCW is brought to you by Quaker State and Dalkon Shield)
Dave: Welcome back. We are going to take you directly to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: The following match is for one fall. Making his way to the ring, from Manhattan, New York, weighing in at 256 pounds, "Smokin'" Joe Cross!
The lights in the arena are completely turned off, until pyros burst blue and red from the stage area. A video appears on the big screen showing some feet, and then pans up to so a very, very determined face, empty of expression until a smirk appears on his face and "The Way I Am" by Enimen starts blaring from the speaker system. Joe appears through the entranceway with Rachel Stevens from S Club 7 on his arm. They walk down the ramp as pyros follow them to the ring. Joe lifts Rachel into the ring and they head to the middle where Joe lifts his hands and pyros erupt from the turnbuckle posts.
And his opponent, from nowhere that anyone wants to admit, weighing in at 270 pounds, Prophesy!
The arena goes dark and the music from the Madden 2001 commercial (yes, I do believe he serious) and the lights flash red and green. When he emerges, red and green fireworks go off and then he makes his way to the ring.
The bell rings and Prophesy starts laying in right hands to Cross. Cross takes a couple of them, blocks the third, and headbutts Prophesy, sending him down to the mat. Cross picks Prophesy up, and sends him back to the ground with a big clothesline. Cross picks him up again, and slings Prophesy into the corner. He lifts him up to the turnbuckle, climbs up himself, and looks like he's going for a superplex. But instead he holds up the 270 pounder straight up in an impressive feat of strength, spins around, and lands the Wall Street Crash! He nonchalantly covers 123!
Winner: Smokin' Joe Cross Time: 3:18
Dave: So Smokin' Joe Cross picks up a quick win over Prophesy. Cross is a good looking product, isn't he.
Steven: Oooooh yeah, baby.
Jeff: Not that kind of good looking product, dumbass!
Clay Clayborne: The following match is for one fall. Making his way to the ring at this time, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 265 pounds, "Big Daddy" Mike Douglas!
Iron Man by Black Sabbath starts to play over the arena speakers as "Big Daddy" Mike Douglas makes his way to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, also from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 250 pounds, Dark Lotus!
We Won't Die from Twizted starts to play over the arena speakers as Dark Lotus makes his way to the ring.
The bell rings and Douglas quickly takes control of the match, laying in big right hands. He slings DL into the corner and charges in, but DL meets him with a back elbow in the chops. DL starts landing some right hands of his own, staggering Douglas back. He slings Douglas into the ropes and hip tosses him over. DL drops a knee across Douglas's forehead and goes for the cover 12 and Douglas kicks out. DL picks Douglas up and tries to sling him into the ropes, but Douglas reverses it and lands a flying lariat. Douglas picks DL up and suplexes him. He goes for the cover 12 and DL kicks out. Douglas picks DL up in a front waistlock, and drops straight back, hot shotting DL's throat across the top rope. Douglas picks DL up, tucks his head between his thighs, and lifts him up for the Big Daddy Drop, but DL starts punching Douglas in the head, and escapes the hold, dropping back down to his feet. He hooks Douglas's head and lands a viscous DDT. He goes for the cover 12 and Douglas kicks out. DL picks Douglas up, but Douglas rakes his eyes, sending DL staggering back, clutching his face. Douglas bulldogs DL down to the mat, and locks in a rear chin lock. The ref checks on DL, but DL waves him off. After a few moments, DL is able to rise to one knee. Douglas tightens up on the hold, but DL is able to make it to his feet, wrap his arms around Douglas's waist, and land a side suplex. Both men are down, and the ref starts a 10 count 1234 Douglas starts to stir as DL starts crawling towards the ropes 56 DL uses the ropes to get to his feet as Douglas regains his feet in the middle of the ring. DL charges at Douglas and nails a clothesline. DL picks Douglas up and sends him into the corner. He lays in a couple of knife edge chops, then tries to sling Douglas into the opposite corner, but Douglas reverses it and sends DL into the corner instead. Douglas stalks in, grabs the tope rope, and starts choking DL with his boot. The ref starts a five count 1234 and Douglas drops his foot and pushes the ref away. He turns back in time to receive an uppercut into his nuts from DL. DL grabs Douglas and lifts him up to the top turnbuckle. He climbs up after him and nails the Guillotine Slam! He cover 123!
Winner: Dark Lotus
Dave: So, Dark Lotus picks up a huge win over Big Daddy Mike Douglas.
Jeff: (cough) DouglasJobber (cough)
Dave: That's not true!
Jeff: (sarcastically) Douglas has beaten Big Gooey Sac and Lightning Kid.Impressive to say the least!
Steven: I kinda miss the Sac Attack!
Jeff: Dude, nothing made me happier than when Douglas snapped Sac's spine.
Dave: We are ready to head to the ring for our cruiserweight brawl. The winner of this match will face off with Miyagawa and Jake Keeton on Friday for the cruiserweight belt. Let's head to the ring.
Ring announcer Clay Clayborne has the mike. "Geek USA" by Smashin Pumpkins begins to play over the P.A.)
Clay: "The following contest is the 5 man Cruiserweight Brawl. Making his way to the ring being accompanied by Ms. Parker, from Miami, Florida, weighing 232 pounds, 'Slick' Mick Green!"
(Mick Green enters the ring, climbs the ropes and taunts the crowd. "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 starts to play)
Clay: "And one of the opponents, weighing 220 pounds, Myst!"
(Myst vaults the ropes and takes the opposite corner top Green, jawing at his adversary as "Danger" by Mystikal can be heard over the P.A)
Clay: "And currently making his way to the ring, weighing 205 pounds and hailing from Gueydan, Louisiana, Bradley!"
(The man with only one name steps cautiously through the ropes and takes one of the free corners)
Clay:"And their opponent, from parts unknown, weighing 168 pounds, Franky 'Anguish' Kent!"
(As Anguish takes his corner, "Dream a Little Dream of Me" by The Mamas & The Papas blares over the sound system and Frisco comes out from backstage)
Clay: "And the final competitor in this match, from Las Cruces, New Mexico, weighing 220 pounds, Frisco!"
Frisco enters the ring and looks around him. The former cruiserweight and continental champion glares indignantly at the other competitors, who are taking up all the corners of the ring. There is a moment of tense hesitation, and then Bradley, Green, Anguish and Myst charge simultaneously at Frisco, who is seemingly stranded in the center of the ring. However, just as Frisco is about to become a human pancake of Nick Taylor-esque proportions, the resourceful member of DAMN leapfrogs over departing ring announcer Clay Clayborne at the last second and out of harm's way, forcing the unlucky mike man to take the brunt of the other four cruiserweight's assault.
Dave Kern: "Clay Clayborne just got pulverised!"
Jeff Marx: "Only one word can describe this scene...HA!"
As the squashed Clay Clayborne lies motionless on the mat, Frisco turns and begins to pound on a stunned Myst. Frisco whips Myst into the ropes, leapfrogs on the return and hits him with a spinning headscissor takedown. Meanwhile, Mick Green tries to kick the motionless Clay Clayborne out of the ring as Bradley brawls with Anguish.
Bradley and Anguish exchange punches, until Bradley hits him with a knee to the gut and sets the smaller man up for a sideswipe powerbomb. However, the small and mobile Anguish slips out of the move and behind Bradley's back to hit him with an Unprettier. Anguish runs to the corner and attempts to hit a top rope Lionsault on the downed Bradley, but Mick Green catches him on the way back down with a superkick. Bradley and Anguish are down.
Green, who has now cleared the ring of Clayborne, crosses to the other side of the ring, just as Frisco is setting Myst up for a crucifix powerbomb. Green hits Frisco with a stiff kick to the gut, causing Frisco to collapse with the weight of Myst crashing down on top of him.
Mick Green picks up Myst, but Myst begins to hit him with punches to the breadbasket, forcing Green to release him. Myst grabs Green in a front facelock, takes a few steps back, and attempts to hit him with a springboard blockbuster off the second rope. However, Green ducks the move, and Myst lands on his feet back to back with 'The Slick One'. SMG hooks Myst up for a backslide, but Myst hits a mule kick to SMG's groin to block the move. Myst then hooks the backslide himself.SMG struggles against the move, but Myst starts to pull him over. As Myst does this, however, the approaching Bradley grabs Myst's head between his legs and wipes him out with BRADLACIOUS!
Bradley makes the cover...1...2...3!
MYST HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Bradley begins brawling with SMG, as Frisco begins to get up in the corner. SMG gains the upper hand in the grapple with Bradley, and sets him up for a version of The Stroke. Frisco quicky hops to the second rope before SMG can deliver the move, and hooks both men in a double front face lock. He then brings them crashing to the mat with a DOUBLE JUMPING DDT! All 3 men are down momentarily.
Bradley is the first to stagger to his feet. As he does so, Anguish comes charging across the ring and delivers a TWISTING HURICANRANA OVER THE TOP ROPE, taking both men to the outside. Meanwhile, Frisco reaches over and drapes an arm across SMG. Referee Speedy Riggs makes the count. 1...2....NO! SMG got the shoulder up!
A frustrated Frisco begins to choke SMG in the corner. Speedy Riggs tries to break it up. Meanwhile, on the outside, Bradley has Anguish set up for a DDT. Just then, however, Dark Lotus runs out from the back, grabs Bradley from behind in a Guillotine choke, and slams him backwards onto the concrete with the GUILLOTNE SLAM!
Dave Kern:"Oh my God! A GUILLOTINE SLAM ON THE OUTSIDE! He may be dead! What business does Dark Lotus have here anyway?"
Steven Smith: "That's sure to leave a mark!"
Jeff Marx: " Yeah, right where his head used to be!"
Dark Lotus points at Anguish and tells him to throw Bradley back into the ring. Anguish does as the larger man tells him, and rolls Bradley into the ring, just as referee Speedy Riggs manages to prise Frisco off of Mick Green. As Riggs reprimands Frisco, Frisco sees the unconcious Bradley rolled into the ring. He picks him up, gives him a hard knee to the back and blasts him with THE F-BOMB! Frisco covers.
Dave Kern: "That's got to finish Bradley off!"
1...2...3!
BRADLEY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Steven Smith: "That leaves us with just Frisco, Mick Green and Anguish"
As Frisco postures, SMG gets up and hits a low blow from his blind side. As Frisco doubles over in agony, SMG grabs his head and leaps to the outside, guillotining Frisco on the top rope. Frisco is down.
On the outside, as Green gets to his feet, Anguish sneaks up on the apron and leaps up on SMG's shoulders. As SMG staggers about trying to drop Anguish, Anguish leans backwards and takes Green over with a reverse huricanrana onto the ramp. He then climbs back onto the apron and hits the downed Green with a springboard Asai Moonsault. Green clutches his stomach.
Dave Kern: "Mick Green is wiped out! But Anguish has to get him inside the ring to pin him!"
Anguish ignores the commentator's advice, and instead climbs to the top rope, this time focusing on Frisco inside the ring. Frisco rushes towards Anguish, hoping to knock him off the turnbuckle, but Anguish leaps off prematurely, hitting both Frisco and referee Speedy Riggs with a 180 SENTON PRESS!
Steven Smith: "Speedy Riggs has been flattened!"
Jeff Marx: "This is not a good day to work at ringside for PCW. See ya, guys"
Dave Kern: "Sit right there Marx! You're not going anywhere."
Anguish reaches over and makes the cover on Frisco, but Riggs is not there to make the count. Frustrated, Anguish slaps the mat and pulls Frisco to his feet. He whips Frisco into the ropes, and attempts a leapfrog on the way back. Frisco, however, catches Anguish in a DVD position and brings him crashing to the mat with a Cerebro Asesino! This time Frisco goes to make the cover, but is again frustrated by the lack of a concious official. Meanwhile, Mick Green begins to recover his bearings on the outside.
Frisco climbs to the top rope and hits a shooting star leg drop on Anguish. He then drags him to his feet, as SMG re-enters the ring with a steel chair, unbeknownst to Frisco. Frisco picks Anguish up in a high angle stalling vertical suplex, as SMG picks his moment to strike. While Frisco is suspending Anguish in the air, Green sneaks up and cracks his steel chair across both their heads, sending both men falling limply to the floor with a sickening thud.
Dave Kern: "UNBELIAVABLE! That was the most vicious chair shot I've ever seen!"
SMG smirks at the jeering crowd, before tossing the chair out of the ring. He then shakes referee Speedy Riggs, and lays arrogantly across the fallen bodies of both Frisco and Anguish. Speedy Riggs crawls over and makes the count...
1....2......3!
FRISCO AND ANGUISH HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!
Winner: 'SLICK' MICK GREEN
Steven: Anguish didn't win?!!!
Dave: Frisco didn't wing?!!!
Jeff: Slick Mick Green won. He is DA MAN!!!
Dave: What about Clyde? I thought he was the man?
Jeff: Not any more, because Slick Mick has shown he is my kind of guy!
Steven: He's my kind of guy too!
Jeff: Who isn't "your kind of guy?"
Dave: (sighing) We need to go to a commercial.
(PCW is brought to you by Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Double Stuff Oreo Cookies, and a host of other awesome foods not available in Japan)
Dave: Ok, we are back and ready to head to the ring where Lightning Kid and Jason Wulf of the Congregation will take on Chet King and Dan Hollywood of Media. As per the edict of PCW CEO Tyler Green, I am going to turn over the commentating duties for this match to our PIC counterpart, Mark Malloy. Mark!
Mark: Thanks Dave, it's good to be back in the saddle again.
Steven: Well
Jeff: (interrupting) Don't even say it! Now Mark, what brings you out here? Tyler Green want to find out who is more entertaining, you or Dave?
Mark Malloy: I'll give you two choices. Choice one is what you just mentioned. Choice #2 is some dumb ass match writer used me instead of Dave Kern, and the editor was too lazy to go through and change it at 3 am China time. So let's stop yakking and head to the ring.
Monkey Wrench by the Foo fighters hits. The fans pretty much remain quiet and show no interest that Lightning Kid has come out. Lightning Kid ignores the fans on his way to the ring. Sparky comes out behind Lightning Kid and follows him. The fans erupted into cheers. Lightning Kid thinks its for him because he hasn't noticed Sparky.)
Clay Clayborne: Making his way to the ring from the Astral Plane the Lightning Kid. He weighs in at 227 pounds and standing at 6'1".
(Lightning Kid slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He calls for Clay Clayborne to give him the microphone. Cal Clayborne gives it to Lightning Kid.)
Lightning Kid: Now I know Jason you have had your problems with the congregation but we are willing to forgive you because the bible does teach forgiveness. So when you make your way down to the ring you should think is it really a good idea to turn your back on god? We all know the answer to that so you can come out here and apologize and I will forgive you. And so will god.
(Lightnig Kid hands the mic back to Clay Clayborne. The lights slowly dim in the arena. Quietly "Mr. Crowly" from Ozzy starts as Wulf come out to the glow of a red light. Vanessa comes out first creeping out looking nervously from side to side carrying a large chain. Flames start to rise at the edge of the stage as she pulls on the chain and Wulf begins to come out as the music gets louder. He steps out from behind the curtain walking tall and stopping under the video screen slowly glaring and peering into the crowd. The music holds on a low note as Vanessa pulls the trench coat down and off his shoulders and as she goes for the collar, wolves are heard howling through the arena. As she reaches for Wulf's collar he grins viciously and bares his fangs. As soon as the collar comes off, flames shoot straight up and the music changes with an explosive charge to an instrumental version of "Break Stuff" from Limp Bizkit. Vanessa jumps back and moves behind Wulf as he does a Goldberg like jump slashing my arms through the air then pushing them up in the air veins popping out As he flexes. Jason Wulf has a mic in his hand and is about to talk.)
Jeff Marx: He better not spew some crap about loving god.
Jason Wulf: You know what Lightning Kid you are right. I shouldn't turn my back on God. Turning you back on god isn't a good idea. Besides me and you are like brothers. I could never turn my back on you.
(Jason wulf quickly runs to the ring and does a baseball slide in. He then grabs lightning kid and gives him a hug. Lightning kid is totally taken by surprise and just takes the big bear hug from Jason Wulf. Back on at the entranceway Vanessa has a shocked look on his face. She walks down to the side of the ring. Lightning Kid and Jason Wulf talk over strategy. Californication plays over the P.A system. Dan Hollywood and Chet King walk out on the entranceway. They point to Lightning Kid and Jason Kid and give a throat slash to them. Chet King and Dan Hollywood charge the ring. Lightning Kid and Jason Wulf wait for them. Chet King and Dan Hollywood slide under the bottom rope. Lightning Kid and Jason Wulf quickly start to put the boots to them. Speedy Riggs quickly gets in the way of Jason Wulf and sends him to the far corner of the ring. Dan Hollywood slowly gets to his feet and stumbles over to his corner.)
Mark Malloy: This match has started out good.
Jeff Marx: Who cares about the match did you notice that Sparky got a huge cheer and Lightning Kid didn't get anything. Also Sparky is wondering around ring side.
Mark Malloy: I don't think Lightning Kid has noticed because he is very focused on the match.
(Lightning Kid with an irish whip into the ropes. Lightning Kid with a hiptoss on Chet King. Chet King holds his back in pain but gets to his feet. Lightning Kid drop kicks Chet King and Chet King goes flying back into he ropes. Dan Hollywood makes a tag. Chet King comes off the ropes and Lightning Kid gives Chet King a tilt-a-whirl-slam.)
Steven Smith: I don't think Lightning Kid noticed the tag was made.
Mark Malloy: Do you enjoy pointing out stuff that everyone obviously knows is true? Oh Dan Hollywood from behind on Lightning Kid.
(Lightning Kid hits the mat hard. Dan Hollywood strikes a pose. Lightning Kid quickly gets to his feet and surprises Dan Hollywood. LK with a with a suplex on DH. LK takes the opportunity to tag in JW. JW goes in and lays a few right hands on Dan Hollywood. Vanessa cheers JW on. JW picks up DH and gives him a gorilla press slam. JW then mocks CK. JW goes for the cover. Speedy Riggs starts the count. 1.2. kick out at the last second by DH. JW goes back to his corner and tags in LK.)
Jeff Marx: Lightning Kid and Jason Wolf are working together as a team. Maybe all that heat they had was just to fool everyone into thinking they were going to break up?
(LK quickly grabs DH by the foot and pulls him back into the center of the ring before he can make the tag. LK then sticks out his touch and CK. CK comes into the ring but Speedy Riggs gets into his way. JW then comes in and starts to lay the boots to DH as LK holds him down. LK then leaves and goes to the corner. Sparky then barks a couple of times. LK turns and sees Sparky. LK then starts talking to the dog. JW is now getting doubled teamed. Speedy Riggs has lost control of the match but is trying his best to get it back under control. JW calls for LK's help but LK is preoccupied with Sparky. Speedy Riggs is able to get DH out of the ring. CK with a head put to JW. JW falls to one knee. JW then gets back up and just decks CK. CK falls to the mat hard. JW rolls to the outside to catch his breath. 1.2..3..4..5 JW goes to check on LK and see what the problem is. 67.JW rolls back into the ring. LK stops paying attention to Sparky and looks back to the match just in time to see JW get clotheslined. LK starts clapping his hands trying to get JW back into this match.)
Mark Malloy: What the hell is Lightning Kid doing?
Steven Smith: He is trying to get JW back into the match.
Jeff Marx: How that won't work. All he is doing is letting Jason Wulf get his ass kicked while he could be trying to make the tag.
(JW is getting a pissed off look on his face.
Myst runs down to ringside and taps LK on the shoulder. LK turns around and Myst pokes him in the eyes, then lifts the bottom of his robe up over his head.
JW sees this, so he kicks CK in the small, gooey sack and slips out of the ring. He walks over to Myst, who is now throttling LK with right hands and the two get into a pushing and shoving match.
LK manages to get his robe off his head. He goes to attack Myst, as Wulf begins to head back to the ring. Myst and LK begin trading blows, but JW doubles back, apparently to help LK with apparently being the key word. Instead of helping his tag team partner and stablemate, he punches LK in the head. LK goes falls forward from the force of the punch. JW then hops out of the ring and signals for Vanessa to follow. Vanessa and JW leave the ring side area along with Myst.)
Jeff Marx: I've never seen a tag like that before.
Mark Malloy: Neither have I. I guess you were wrong though about them working out there differences just to fool everyone.
(Lk slides under the bottom rope. CK has tagged in DH. DH quickly gets in the ring and starts to punch LK. LK ignores the pain and gives a couple of shots back but DH is just to much for him. JK is whipped into the drops and gets a big boot to his face. Lk hits the mat hard. Tyler Green appears in the entranceway. Tyler Green has an evil smile on his face.)
Steven Smith: I wonder what he could want.
(Tyler Green stops at ringside and slowly walks around. Tyler Green sees Sparky and grabs him and hops into the crowd and makes his getaway.)
Jeff Marx: He just stole Sparky I can't believe it. Poor Lightning Kid. Someone should tell him.
(Tyler Green appears on the Jumbotron.)
Tyler Green: Hey Lightning Kid I have your dog and there is nothing you can do about it.
(LK drops to his knees and tears start to roll down his face. DH and CK look at each and nod. DH kicks LK in the head and sets him up for the pump handle slam. CK runs into the rope and does a spring board off the ropes and turns it into a DDT.)
Jeff Marx: What the hell is that move called?
Mark Malloy: That was so cool.
(CK makes the cover .1.2.3.)
Jeff Marx: I don't even think Lightning Kid tried to kick out of that. All he is doing is sitting in the ring crying. Lets cut to a commercial of some kind. Anything at all please.
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Tampex Sanitary Napkins. Tampex, only sanitary when unused!)
Dave: Ok, we are back for our Tampex Main Event of the evening and it is of the Hell in a Cell Variety.
As the cell descends from the roof, "Welcome Back My Friends" by Emerson, Lake and Palmer hits the PA System, and Mr. Showtime, "The A-List" Dan Hollywood and Chet King collectively known as "Media", walk down to ringside, to the boo's of the fans. They each take seats outside the cell, near the guard rail.
Jeff: PCW's new owners are no doubt here to ensure order in the main event, right Dave?
Dave: Yeah, right. I can see them now, Tyler Nelson is getting his butt kicked, and they are standing back, maintaining order and ensuring nothing is going to go wrong
Steven: From what I saw on the replay, the end of the Pay Per View was a total clusterf^ck after these guys got involved!
Dave: If you call The Phantom Booker being ousted from his job and these jerks taking over, then yes, it was.
Jeff: Yeah, you two are lucky to still be here!
Dave & Steven: ???
Jeff: Well, everyone knows that you two don't draw ratings and are being panned all over the internet as being partially responsible for PCW's decline.
Dave & Steven: ???
Jeff: If you two have nothing to say to that, then we'll go to the introductions with Clay Claybourne!
Total darkness befalls the arena right before The Preacher degins to walk down the Ramp. Then the theme from the movie The Omen begins to play as The Preacher appears and begins to walk to ringside.
Clay Claybourne: The first competitor in this Hell in the Cell match, he hails from Biloxi, Mississipi, he is a former PCW Heavyweight Champion of the World. .The Preacher!
Preacher tests the walls of the cell, then enters the ring through the door.
"C.R.E.A.M" by Wu Tang Clan plays, and the fourth member of Media, Tyler Nelson, comes through the curtain and down the ramp to ringside. Tyler highfives the other members of Media then enters the cell with Preacher.
Clay Claybourne: His opponent, weighing in at 251lbs, from Dallas Texas, he is a member of Media, Tyler Nelson!
Two green pyros shoot down from the top of the arena and hit the stage as green colored fire pyros explode from the stage, then all of the sudden Song 2 blows out of the speakers and out walks 'The Hunter' Scott Kilborn. He walks down to the ring with a intense look on his face and doesn't care for what the fans have to say.
Clay Claybourne: Their opponent, weighing in at 270lbs, making his PCW debut, "The Hunter" Scott Kilborn!
Spirit in the Sky sounds, and Reverend makes his way to the ring, becoming the final man to enter the cell.
Clay Claybourne: Their opponent, weighing in at 260lbs, he hails from San Antonio Texas, he is the former PCW Heavyweight Champion, The Reverend!
All four men stand in separate corners, waiting for the bell to ring. Speedy Riggs checks each of them in turn for concealed weapons.
Jeff: What the hell is he doing that for? It's a Hell in the Cell match these guys are supposed to bring hidden weapons with them. They wouldn't be doing their jobs if they didn't! It just ain't right I tell ya
Speedy Riggs calls for the bell, and steps back into a corner, allowing all four men to go at it. Kilborn and Tyler lock up, while Reverend tries to stare down The Preacher. Tyler whips Kilborn to the ropes and sets up for a lariat, but Kilborn ducks under and stops dead, then turns around. Tyler turns around to see Kilborn standing right behind him, but before he can react is driven to the mat with a DDT!
Dave: Kilborn gets the upper hand over Tyler early on!
Kilborn exits the ring under the bottom rope and takes a foldup steel chair from under the ring. As he turns around to get up, Showtime, Hollywood and King grab hold of the side of the cage and jawjack Kilborn.
Steven: These guys are buying time for their little friend Tyler. How sweet!
Kilborn smashes the chair against the side of the cage, causing the three Media members to back up. He then re-enters the ring and wastes no time in lining up and whacking Tyler Nelson, who had just got to his feet, across the head. Kilborn turns to see Reverend and Preacher facing each other, each talking quietly at each other, and takes out Reverend with another chairshot. Preacher remains immobile, not reacting to Kilborn's attack on Reverend.
Jeff: Look at Preacher. He is as dumb as they said he was! Kilborn's standing in front of him with a steel chair, and he does nothing!
Kilborn looks quizically at Preacher, then, shrugging his shoulders, winds up the chair and strikes Preacher across the forehead. A trickle of blood winds its way down Preacher's forehead, but other than that he doesn't react to the chairshot, and doesn't move to protect himself. Kilborn shrugs again, then lines up, but is pulled up short when Tyler Nelson grabs the chair from behind. Kilborn turns around and is greeted with a kick to the gut and is himself taken down with a chairshot. Reverend gets to his feet, holding his head, and sees Nelson with the chair and Preacher standing where he was before. Nelson swings the chair at Reverend, but misses as Reverend ducks. Reverend pokes Nelson in the eyes, forcing him to drop the chair, and tosses him over the top rope and to the floor, right in front of the other members of Media. Showtime, Hollywood and King immediately close in on the cage and shout encouragement to Tyler Nelson to help him get back into the action.
Dave: What was that you said about Media not becoming involved, Jeff?
With that, the members of Outcast, carrying baseball bats, exit the crowd over the guard rail. Brock Newbludd and Stephen Blood take down Mr Showtime with repeated shots to the head and body. Miyagawa takes out "The A List" Dan Hollywood with lightning-fast shots to the legs and arms, and Jon Kano hits Chet King once with the bat, then puts him through the announcer's table with a Kanoplex!
Jeff: Goddammit! Production, can we have a new table out here?
Steven: ..
Jeff: and a new microphone for Steven!
Dave: Hello? Am I still on? Can anyone hear me?
Jeff: and a new set of headphones for Dave.
Kano reaches into his jacket, and takes out a can. He sprays "The Outcasts" in red across Chet King's back, then tosses the can over to Miyagawa, who does the same to Dan Hollywood. Miya in turn tosses the can to Stephen Blood, and he does the same to Mr. Showtime. The members of "The Outcasts" look down at the fallen members of Media, give them the middle finger, then raise their bats into the air and leave ringside again through the roaring crowd.
Jeff: Let me guess. Outcasts for life? Outcasts are in control? Miyagawa is "The Man"?
Outside the ring, Tyler Nelson gets to his feet, but is taken down again by a baseball slide from Kilborn. Kilborn leaves the ring and heads straight for Nelson. Kilborn whips Nelson towards the side of the cage, but is reversed and sent crashing into the ringsteps. Nelson immediately begins stomping Kilborn, then chokes him out with a microphone cable.
Jeff: The referee will check for concealed weapons, but they leave chairs under the ring, and cables for them to choke each other out with it stinks I tell ya
Reverend faces Preacher again, Preacher's face still showing signs of bleeding earlier. Reverend tries for a collar and elbow tie-up, but Preacher just shrugs him off and stands there. Reverend shows his frustration at Preacher's passive stance, but continues to attack with a flurry of punches and then a huge lariat, sending Preacher down to the mat. Preacher gets back to his feet, but remains standing where he is. Reverend continues to attack Preacher, but to no avail as Preacher continues to get back to his feet and remain passive.
Jeff: Preacher looks to be playing some pretty stiff mind games. He hasn't thrown much of a single punch, and its driving Hull stark raving mad!
A figure is seen limping down the ramp towards the cage. He steps over the fallen members of Media, sends the referee crashing into the guardrail, and proceeds to cut through the padlock with a pair of bolt cutters.
Jeff: Welcome back Trashcan Man!
Trashcan Man enters the ring and takes out from under his jacket a baseball bat, identical to those used by the other members of The Outcasts just minutes before. TCM takes out Reverend and Preacher, then exits the ring and takes out both Tyler Nelson and Kilborn. With all four men down, Trashcan Man holds his bat up high, to the roar of the crowd. He attempts to leave but is grabbed from behind by Tyler Nelson, who has shaken off the attack. Nelson spins TCM around and brings his eventful evening to a halt with the Hostile Takeover. Nelson sets up TCM for Greed is Good, but Kilborn takes him down with a lariat then climbs up to the apron and executes his own finisher, The Kill (springboard Swanton), on Trashcan Man! Kilborn picks up Trashcan Man and tosses him through the door, head first into the guard rail, then turns back towards Nelson but is met by a superkick to the chest, sending him back into the wall of the cell.
Jeff: It's not been a good week for Trashcan Man
Basketcase by Green Day hits the PA system. The wrestlers in the ring keep going as Anguish walks to the top of the ramp. Sheila walks out behind him and puts her arm around him. They both make their way to ringside as Anguish pulls out a roll of tape He stands there and hands it to Sheila. Angy reaches into his pocket and pulls out Mr. Poopy. He sets him on his shoulder and lifts his arm. Anguish grins wide as Sheila begins wrapping the tape around his shoulder, pinning Poopy to the maniac's shoulder. She finally decides it's secure and slaps his shoulder, pressing all the tape down. Anguish smiles, turns and hugs her, giving her a quick peck on the chin. He breathes in and pulls out his cell phone, looking a bit nervous. He presses a button, speed dialing another cell. Within the minute, he's talking.
Jeff: Ooooh look! The little maniac knows how to use a telephone!
Reverend diverts his attention from Preacher to see Anguish wandering around outside the ring. He then looks down to see Tyler Nelson severely beating on Kilborn, and then Kilborn recover and retaliate. Reverend shrugs and then launches a furious attack on Preacher, trying to get him to react. Preacher's nose starts bleeding and his eye swells, but still he doesn't respond. Back outside the ring, Kilborn gets the upper hand by sending Tyler Nelson into the side of the cage with a drop-toehold. Nelson slumps to the floor, allowing Kilborn to pick him up and roll him back into the ring. Meanwhile, Jason Wulf, Myst1 and Vegita come down the ramp and head for the cell door. All three of them enter and start beating on Reverend! As if someone has thrown a switch, Preacher reacts, and starts attacking the three assailants. He takes on Wulf and Vegita, leaving Reverend to defend against Myst1. Reverend and Myst1 trade blows, until Myst1 suddenly spits flames in Reverend's face, blinding him! Preacher meanwhile has tossed Wulf and Vegita outside, and now proceeds to issue a stern beating on Myst1.
Steven: Hello? Am I on? They said they fixed my microphone.
Jeff: Yes, unfortunately.
Steven: Be nice.. Now, where were we?
Jeff: Jon Hull has just had his eyebrows scorched by Myst1, and is in a bit of a bad way at the moment. Preacher has taken on the Creatures of the Night. Tyler Nelson is down and almost out in the ring after having his head slammed into the side of the cell, and Scott Kilborn is about to finish him off. Oh, and Anguish is busy racking up his phone bill.
Steven: Oh wow.
Scott Kilborn jumps up on the apron, then launches himself up and onto the top rope, and down onto Tyler Nelson with The Kill. Speedy Riggs comes out of the corner and counts.1..2..3!
Winner: "The Hunter" Scott Kilborn Time: 10:01
Outside the ring, Anguish is heard making his goodbyes, and closes the phone. The very second he closes it, "Violence Fetish" by Disturbed hits the arena's sound system. The lights go down and the crowd sits there in confusion. As soon as the words come to a crescendo, dark blue pyros blast all across the top off the ramp in a blinding explosion. The lights go down and the music continues. They very slowly rise to the blue light, revealing an absolutely hulking figure, head turned down, standing there. Just as the refrain hits again, the man flips his head back, bringing his hair with it. A ring of white pyros burst out in a circle around him and a roar follows... As the smoke clears, the crowd absolutely erupts and the men in the ring look up the ramp with faces full of fear. Anguish stands there, staring at the men in the ring, grin still spread wide across his face.
Jeff: Oh my he's back! This is bad for the guys in the ring
Steven: Who? Who? I can't see? Oh no! Not him!
Reverend Hull stands there, his hands shielding his eyes, mouth drooped open, as the camera focuses in on the man. Meanstreak begins making his way down the ramp, toward the cell. Preacher and Kilborn step away from the side of the cell as Streak stands next to Anguish. His entire body is even bigger now, his muscles looking like they are about to tear free of his flesh. His thighs look to be almost the size of tree trunks now, stretching the leather material across his legs. Meanstreak looks directly at Reverend Hull and latches onto the side of the cell. His eys stay trained upon the former PCW champion as Angy pats him on the back. Meanstreak turns to the lunatic and reaches into his pocket. He hands the small man a cell phone.
Steven: They both had phones. Do you think they were talking to each other?
Jeff: I can believe that Anguish knows how to use a phone, but Meanstreak?
Meanstreak breathes in and then spins around, grabbing onto the cage again. With a roar, he begins pulling with all his might. The steel creaks as the monster lifts a leg, pressing against the ring. He pulls, roaring once more. The steel screams sounding as if it is in pain as it tears from the structure. Meanstreak bends the last piece down as Tyler Nelson looks on, eyes wide. The beast rips the metal from the structure and tosses it aside, stepping up through the new hole. The Preacher steps forward, looking down at the monster Meanstreak stares right back up and rears back. He drills his fist into Preacher's stomach, sending the giant to his knees. Meanstreak hits him in the small of his back with a double axehandle and bends down, gripping the 373 pounder around the waist. He roars and lifts him up, the Preacher's legs flailing like mad. The monster spins slowly and throws the Preacher down hard on the back of his neck. He lays motionless as Meanstreak stares at Scott Kilborn. The monster dashes at him, grabs him by the throat and lifts him up, sitll running.
Kilborn uses both of his hands and slaps the sides of Meanstreak's head, once, the twice then three times causing the Monster to drop him to the mat. Kilborn the follows with several stiff punches to the gut.
Jeff: The Hunter calls that manuever the rapid fire!
Kilborn hits Meanstreak 10 times, but Meanstreak simply looks up, pounds on his chest and lets out a mighty roar. A slight look of surprise crosses Kilborn's face at this turn of events. Kilborn swoops in, grabs the Monster around his waist and executes a belly to belly suplex. Figuring this is not a battle he can win after being drained from his match, Kilborn wisely scoots from the ring and towards the back as quickly as possible.
Dave: Oh my GOD!!! Did you see that?
Jeff: He's just gonna piss him off, as if he isn't angry enough when he is in a good mood!
Meanstreak comes to one knee immediately, feeling little or no effect from the belly-to-belly suplex just laid upon him by Kilborn. He tilts his head and sees Kilborn heading has just entered the backstage area. He then begins to look for new prey.
Looking through the hair that hangs over his face. He drills his fist into the mat and stands, staring down Tyler Nelson who begins begging and pleading for the monster to leave him be. Meanstreak stands there a moment and turns his head to the fans. They roar and Streak cracks a small grin. He lunges forward, grabbing Nelson's hand and whipping him hard into the corner. Nelson almost trips, not being able to handle the speed and force at which he was thrown. His body slams face first into the turnbuckle, causing him to fly back with the force of the impact. Meanstreak steps behind him, catching him in his arms in an inverted bearhug. He clenches his fists around the greedt man's torso and squeezes on his chest. Nelson screams in sheer pain as Meanstreak flips around, bringing Nelson down with all his weight face first to the mat. Nelson groans in pain as Streak flips up, Shawn Michaels style and begins pounding on his chest. The crowd explodes once more as Streak roars, directing it at Reverend.
Steven: Run for it Reverend, save yourself while there is still time!
Hull immediately heads for the hole Streak originally created. He hops out and receives a kick to the back of the head from Anguish. Hull turns to him and points his finger as Streak hops out next to Reverend. Anguish smiles and points behind the preacher man. Hull frowns and reluctantly turns around. Streak scoops him up and holds him in a fallaway slam. The monster holds him there for a moment, scanning the crowd. He steps forward and jumps back, tossing Hull with pure strength over the top rope and back into the ring. Reverend's body rolls over to Nelson's and comes to a stop. He holds his back and gets to one knee as Streak slides into the ring, facing the preacher man's back. Hull finally gets to his feet, only to be scooped up onto Streak's shoulders in At Death's Door. The crowd explodes as Streak walks around the ring, pulling on Reverend's body in a sort of modified tortue rack. The beast runs to one of the turnbuckles, jumping onto the second rope and falls back down to his side, drilling Rev into the mat with an ADD off the ropes. The crowd explodes as Violence Fetish hits. Meanstreak jumps out of the ring and pounds on his chest again. Angy pats him on the back and Streak turns to him, growling, then stamps his way up the ramp. Anguish and Sheila follow behind him, the lunatic grinning like a cheshire cat. They pass Streak and Angy hands him his phone. Streak pockets it and they both disappear backstage, the crowd still roaring in an outstandingly loud pop.
Dave: Can you guys hear me?
Jeff: (sighing) Yes. Just in time
Dave: Just in time for what?
Jeff: Well, we had a main event that "The Hunter" Scott Kilborn won, making his debut a success. In the match we had visits from Media, The Outcasts who took care of Media, Trashcan Man, The Creatures of the Night and probably some others I forgot. Anything else you want to know?
Paramedics come out and load the fallen combatants onto gerneys, and wheel them back up the ramp.
Dave: Well, it looks like I missed a bundle. Doesn't say much for Media's resolve to clean up PCW.
Suddenly, a gerney with the beaten and bloody Scot Kilborn strapped to it comes rolling down the ramp at great speed, then hits the ringpost, flipping over and landing sideways, facing towards the tron.
Dave: Kilborn on a gerney? There's only one man who could be responsible for placing that landing with such precision!
Steven: Doug Troy?
Dave: No, Steven look up at the tron!
The tron shows an image of Kremmen, flanked by Britney Spears and Cal Seaver holding a microphone in front of him.
Kremmen: Welcome to PCW, Scott Kilborn. Consider that gerney ride my gift to you. I see you've already met Meanstreak, and now you've met me, the original PCW Main Eventer. First ever card, first ever Pay Per View, and most recently Hall of Fame I was there, and I won. You may come here fresh and raring to go from some other two-bit backwater federation, but this is PCW, and you have a long, arduous journey ahead of you to get where you want to go. Guys like me, Meanstreak, Scott Naket, Alan Kriegman and a handful of others here today who were here at the start made this place possible for you to be here. Don't for a second think we are going to let you come in, run your mouth and walk all over us and take spots that are rightfully ours without having to fight for them first.
Jeff: I wondered when he would come out of retirement. Looks as if he's back here and now!
Kremmen: The bookers here before the takeover were intelligent men, Kilborn. If the new ones are anywhere near as good as the old ones, no doubt I'll be seeing you down the line in the 64-man tournament for my world title. That's right Kilborn, daddy's coming home, and no newbie upstart is going to stand in my way!
Kremmen throws down the microphone, and he turns and walks away, while and Britney mugs for the camera that is trasmitting to the Tron.
The image is swapped to a closeup of a furious Scott Kilborn, still bleeding and strapped to the gerney, struggling with his bonds.
Dave: Scott Kilborn wins in his debut match, then holds his own against Meanstreak, just to attacked and gernied by Kremmen.
Jeff: I mean, the guy's luck had to run out at some point!
Dave: Luck?! Kilborn is the most talented newcomer to come to PCW since Kid Wonder.
Jeff: Yeah, and how many titles has he won?
The camera shifts back to a cursing Kilborn, who is cursing as paramedics begin releasing him from the gurney.
Meanwhile the camera shifts to the back where Scott Naket is shown holding a dented steel chair standing over an unmoving Kremmen, while Revenant has a hold of Brittney's hair in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other.
Dave: We are out of time. Tune in this Friday for the first quarter of the draw for the PCW World Heavyweight Title Tourney. I'm Dave Kern. For the entire PCW announce team, thank you for watching! Good night everyone!
The screen cuts into four parts. One quarter shows an unmoving Kremmen, the second a struggling Kilborn. The third show Reverend being wheeled out of the arena, while the fourth shows The Executive Producer, peering out of a window from a darkened skybox.
Fade to black.