PCW Tuesday Turmoil for February 13th, 2001
Live from the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon
The show opens to the sounds of Public Enemy's "Terror Dome" while recounting all the action and multiple run ins during the main event of Fusion via a series of rough cut replays. The replays focus specifically on the heat between "The Hunter" Scott Kilborn and former PCW World Heavyweight Champion, Kremmen.
The normal opening promo of Turmoil, depicting PCW wrestlers in action over a backdrop of the flaming ruins of a city begins. Wrestlers highlighted are Guy Leslie, Ryan Knox, Alan Kriegman and Dillan Meyers, Brock Newbludd and the Monster They Call Meanstreak.
The open promo ends and the scene shifts to the inside of the jam packed Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon. Pyros shoot off from the ceiling, ring posts and entryway while the foundation bounding base of "Would" from Alice and Chains booms out of the PA system.
The cameras begin quickly pans around the arena, sampling the crowd. The camera first stops on a group frat boys from the University of Oregon who are holding up an exceptionally well drawn sign of Trashcan Man. The camera continues panning, then settles on a group of Goth youths, holding up a poster and support signs for their hero, Jason Wulf. Finally the camera stops on former PCW Wrestler Jason Chase, who is sitting at ringside holding up a sign which reads "Use me!"
The scene then shifts to the announce table, where the three headed monster, also known as the PCW announce team is ready to go.
Steven Smith: I am sure I could find a why to "use" Jason Chase.
Jeff Marx: Jesus, Kern hasn't even began his snoozer of an introductory promo and your are already bursting out with needa-cock-in-your-ass commentary. Do everyone a favor and shut the hell up.
Dave: Thank you, Jeff! Hello everyone and welcome to Tuesday Turmoil! We are coming to you live from the Rose Garden in Portland, OregonI am Dave Kern, along side me as always at the PCW announce position are Jeff Marx and Steven Smith. Guys, tonight Turmoil will feature the quarter of the draw for the first round of the World Heavyweight Tournament.
Jeff: That's right Dave, plus we have a four corners, #1 contenders for the Continental Title and a flag match as our main event.
Steven: Yes, the flag match has a European flavor pitting the efficiency and determination of the German Hans Kruger vs the flair and improvisation of the Frenchman the call The Chef.
Dave: Ok, we are getting ready to head to the ring for our first match
"Glory" by Sugar Ray hits the PA and the crowd responds with an immediate pop.
Jeff: That's Kid Blunder's music!
Steven: He's such a sweety!
Out from the back walks Kid Wonder and Amanda, hand in hand. Wonder is wearing an Orlando Rage jersey, a pair of Tommy jeans, and a paper bag over his head.
Steven: Awe! He's covering up that tender little of face of his!
Dave: Maybe he cut himself while shaving?!
Jeff: He can grow facial hair. I call pimple!
Amanda is wearing an elegant, ice blue colored dress and her hair is tied back, as always. No stopping at the top of the ramp, no arrogant smirks, no playing around, just an intense walk to the ring. Instead of hoping onto the apron, KW uses the steps as Amanda follows right behind him. Wonder holds down the middle rope and allows his lovely lady to enter. He follows her in. Then, instead of hoping onto the turnbuckle and doing the usual, Kid just walks over to Clay Clayborne and grabs the mic. The crowd starts to die down as KW paces back and forth in the ring. Once the people in the Rose Garden are quiet, Wonder starts his speech.
KW: You know, these next few weeks were supposed to be the best time of my life. I mean, with this tournament to determine a new PCW champion, this was the time I was to prove my worth to the company, the time I proved all the critics wrong, the time I made my mark in the history books and became PCW Heavyweight champion. But, unfortunately, thanks to the actions of a greedy and selfish man, it wasn't meant to be. Because of Scott Naket, I brought a great deal of embarrassment to Primetime Championship Wrestling. I wanted to make it up by fighting the culprit, Scott Naket, and I even put my job on the line to have it but PCW officials, mainly those with the Media, would have nothing of it. They would have nothing to do with me. So, I have no other choice but to formally resign from PCW.
(A huge boo comes from the packed crowd)
Dave: WHAT!?!?
Steven: NO!!! I haven't bagged him yet!
Kid Wonder mills around the ring, then continues.
KW: From now on you will never see Kid Wonder wrestle again.
(More boos from the crowd. We look in the front row and see Portland Trail Blazer Bonzi Wells sporting a "DAMN t-shirt. Next to him is a young girl holding an "I Love You Kid" sign while shedding a few tears.)
KW: Maybe when I feel as if everything has blown over and the great deal of embarassment brought here by me is gone, then you might see Kid Wonder step into the ring again. But, until that day comes, I'll just walk off into the sunset. Before I do so, though, there's just a few things I'd like to say.
(The crowd quiets down so they can hear everything he is about to say.)
KW: First, and foremost, I'd like to thank the staff of PCW, whether it be The Phantom Booker or the Media group, for allowing me to showcase my, once great, skills in PCW. It's been an experience I'll never forget. I'd also like to say goodbye to some people.
Goodbye to all my friends with The Outcasts. Despite our pasts, you allowed me to be a part of your clique and I appreciate that. Brock and Stephen, without question, you guys are the best tag team in PCW history. You two have a unique chemistry and it'll take you a long way. And you haven't done half bad by assuring yourself a position in Rollerjam after you retire, hehe. Jon Kano, although you kidnapped the original Prez, and we've never seen eye to eye, nobody ROCKS as much as you. Bang, too bad we never got to work together. You coulda taught me a thing or two about how to deal with all these groupies. In return, I coulda taught you a thing or two in personal hygene, hehehe. And, finally, Miyagawa. Miya, you made a name for yourself using my name all the way back in late November. But, to my surprise, you've lived up to the expectations set and then some. You're the next best crusierweight in this sport, don't forget that.
Goodbye to Trashcan Man. To this day I doubt you trust me and, if I asked you to team up with me, you'd whack me across the head with some inanimate object. But whenever PCW needs a leader, you are always there to step up to the plate. You're the future champ of this company. Just lay off the extreme stuff and you'll go far.
Goodbye to Kremmen, PCW's Hall of Famer. Hey, maybe one day my picture will be right next to your's in the Hall.
Jeff: Do people who job to the likes of Mr. Fatman down in the NZW get inducted into the PCW Hall of Fame?
Steven: (snickering) Teehee!
Kid Wonder: I doubt it but it's a thought. Good luck in your battles with Chuck Manson Jr. and, hey, give him a good kick in the ass for me.
Goodbye to "The Monster" Meanstreak. We were only in the same match once and, as you did everybody else, you beat me up. But you never pinned me AND you've been pinned twice by Scott Naket so, uhh, I guess I get some kind of bragging right, hehe.
Goodbye to Reverend. Rev, it was you who gave me my only shot at the title. You probably did it against your own will but, still, you gave me a shot. Kremmen never gave me a shot. Meanstreak never gave me a shot. Doug Troy never gave me a shot. Preacher never gave me a shot. But you, Rev, you gave me a shot at for that I'm very grateful. And, let the record show, Reverend NEVER beat me, hehehe. I just had to get that in.
Although he's long gone, stuck in one of his own holes he's dug up, I'd like to say goodbye to Chuck Manson. Without the presence of Chuck, I woulda never been able to introduce PCW to the term "gold digger". A term that has since been used on such diggers as Johnny Smith, Preacher, and, most recently, Scott Kilborn. But, Chuck, don't worry, you're still the biggest gold digger to grace PCW.
Jeff: Amen! I bet we'll never see him again!
Dave: We have about as much chance of seeing Chuck Manson back in PCW as Steven has to throw a snowball through a blast furnace without it melting.
Goodbye to Goovil and barbara Bush-Kriegman. Dillan, you rule man. You're a true hero. You even helped me with my paper bag problem. Alan, Barbara, glad to see you together again. Thanks for breaking up giving me and Amanda the chance to claim rights as "First Couple of PCW". But, now that we're leaving, that title is all your's again. I wish you all the best.
Goodbye to Frisco. Frisco, despite the fact that you have a thing for koalas and other companies bosses daughters, I still respect ya. I doubt the feeling is mutual but, hey, it never is. But it was you and some jobber in Taiwan named Cole Envy who I last defeated to claim my first PCW title over 3 months ago. That I will never forget.
Despite the fact they hate my guts, I'd like to say goodbye to the new front office. Tyler, you're a fine athlete and, if you focus more on inside the ring activities than out of the ring ones, you'll be a future champ. Dan, it was you who I won my second Crusierweight title from. Although I didn't pin you, I still won the title. Now that you're Continental champ, don't repeat what you did with the Crusierweight title and sit on it, o-kay. Chris, we're both from Orlando so it's up to you to represent the city well now. I'm sure I'll see you around town. and HAC, sorry I didn't allow you to have your 15 minutes of fame on Friday but I got to do what I got to do. Don't worry, I'm sure they'll get some JOBBER for you to fight on Friday in my place. Good luck running the company guys.
Goodbye to Doug Troy. For the past 9 or 10 months, the last 4 in PCW, we've been going at it. I was really looking foward to facing you in this tournament but, unfortunately, that won't be happening now. It's a shame too cause I was really looking foward to that first one on one match as were all the fans. And, Doug, I'll just go out and say right now that I've probably got more respect for you than anyone else in PCW. Doug, all I've got to say is that it's been an honor.
The crowd begins to chant.
The Crowd: Don't go!! Don't go!! Don't go!!
Kid Wonder: Finally, and most impirtantly, goodbye to Scott Naket. I mean, without him, none of this would be possible. I just wanted each and every one of you to know that so you know who to drag into the street after Fusion.
Jeff: Naket is such a prick.
Kid Wonder: I, uhh, guess that's it.
(The crowd boos, not cause they hat him, but because they don't want him to go through with this.)
KW: Now, now, now, don't you all worry about me. I'll be perfectly fine. I'm from Orlando. I'll have something to do. I could always attempt to play in the XFL. But, with the Rage being undefeated and all, I doubt they'd need me. I could work at Disneyworld. That would be cool. Or I could work on that music career I originally planned. Hey, if artists such as Creed and Ma.........uhh, I mean O-TOWN, can make it big from the area, I'm sure I can. But, don't worry, I'll have something to do. And, hell, I own some shares of stock in Shazbot. I've got that to fall back on. So, all you just remember, you can never get enough of the Shazbot.
So, guys, this is it. Thank you for your time and, uhh, goodbye.
Amanda: (trying to hold tears back) Now.......that's wonderful!
(KW drops the mic in the ring as "Glory" hits one last time. Just to give everyone something to remember, Wonder hops onto the turnbuckle and shows the "Wonder" sogn to a huge pop. KW hops off the turnbuckle and holds down the middle rope. Amanda, a little choked up, exits the ring followed by KW. The two walk up the ramp, hand in hand, to the claps of the crowd. We see some teenage girls crying over the fact that the "Quintessential Teen Idol" will no longer be around. But, as for the majority of the crowd, they just stand and clap in appreciation and respect. We now cut back to a somewhat shocked announce team.)
Dave: So that's it! The Kid Wonder era is over in PCW!
Jeff: It's a sad day for all our female teenage fans, which is like one percent of our audience, so who gives a sh!t!
Steven: Speaking for my community, I can atest
Jeff: (interrupting) Do us all a favor and don't speak for your community. In fact, never bring up your community ever again. Ok, now, as they say in the WWF when someone plummets to their death, "the show must go on!"
Dave: Unfortunately it must, but without Kid Wonder, it will never be the same. Let's head to the ring for the debut of a couple of PCW newcomers.
Comes out to Slipkonts "Wait and Bleed" Pyro explodes from the beging of the ramp way all the way down to the end and around the ring. At the beging the lights complety go out. He runs down to the ring following the pyro. Hops in and goes to the top rope and gives the "Gun Pose."
Clay Clayborne: And now making his way to the ring..................FALLEN!!!!!!!
Fallen and Sengir rush at one another and immediately begin pounding one another with shots. Sengir gets the advantage driving Fallen back into a corner with vicious right hands. Sengir whips Fallen across into the turnbuckles. Sengir charges in for a big splash but Fallen dodges causing Sengir to ram his head off of the steel post. Sengir stumbles back dazed. Fallen sprints toward Sengir and takes him down with a diving lariat. Fallen quickly mounts Sengir and rains down onto Sengir's head with a series of never ending rapid fire right hands. Fallen brings Sengir to his feet. Fallen hoists Sengir onto his shoulder and delivers a thunder driver. Fallen covers..........1....... ....2........kick out by Sengir. Fallen quickly gets to his feet and ascends to the top rope. Fallen goes for a Swanton bomb but Sengir rolls out of the way causing Fallen to come driving down head first. Sengir slowly pulls himself to his feet, he makes his way over to Fallen and lifts him to his feet. Sengir lifts Fallen up into a crucifix bomb but Fallen wiggles out. Sengir turns into a kick to the gut from Fallen. Fallen quickly delivers a pedigree driver. Fallen covers Sengir....1............2.......Sengir gets his shoulder up. Fallen pulls a dazed Sengir to his feet. Fallen gives a signal to the crowd then locks Sengir up and delivers...............DOWNFALL!!!!!!!......cover...........1..........2.... ........3!!!!!
Winner:: Fallen
Jeff: Jared Sengir has Fallen and he can't get up!
Dave: You have been waiting to say that since Fallen signed with PCW haven't you?
Jeff: Yep!
Steven: Sengir sucked! I bet he'll be released from his contract immediately.
Jeff: Bet you're right!
Dave: Ok, we are going to head to a commercial. When we return, we will witness the first of many tag team contender tournament matches to come over the next few weeks. We'll be right back.
(Commercial: PCW March Madness, Sunday, March 4th, 2001, Live and only on Pay-Per-View. Call your local cable company or satellite provider today to order!)
Dave: Welcome back to Tuesday Turmoil. We are ready to head to the ring for our a tourney match in the round robin tag tournament featuring DAMN consisting of Doug Troy, taking on the New Zealand duo known as Tempest. . Let's head to the ring.
(Tempest is already in the ring.)
"Freeze Time" by 311 plays with all it's ska fury over the PA as the team of Doug Troy and Frisco come out to a huge pop.)
Clay: The following is part of the tag team, round robin tournament. Already in the ring, at a combined weight of 505 pounds, Raine and Hurricane Hastie.......TEMPEST. Their opponents, at a combined weight of 450 pounds, Doug Troy and Frisco.......DAMN
DT starts in the ring against HH. HH swings at DT but DT ducks it. He goes for The Take right off the bat but Raine runs in and clotheslines DT. HH and Raine double team DT until Frisco runs in and a clusterf*ck ensues. Frisco beats down Raine before lifting him up and hitting him with the Cerebro Asesino. HH keeps on stomping on DT until Frisco comes up from behind him, grabs him, lifts him up, and hits him with the Alesicoaster. Frisco covers but Speedy Riggs doesn't count cause he's not the legal man. Frisco gets up off of HH and exits the ring. DT covers him instead, 1......2....kick out. DT whips HH into the corner. HH goes in hard and bounces out. DT kicks him and drops him with a DDT. DT then tags in Frisco who goes up top and hits the Shooting Star Legdrop. Frisco makes a cover, 1.......2....Raine in to break it up. DT comes in, grabs Raine, and tosses him over the top rope. Frisco sets HH up on the turnbuckle, then he hits him with the Endorphine Rush. Frisco tags DT in. Frisco grabs HH and whips him right at DT. Dt grabs HH and hits him with The Take. Dt makes a cover, 1.....2.....3
WINNERS: DAMN
Dave: So Frisco and Doug Troy score a win in this opening tourney match, while Tempest is one loss away from being eliminated.
Jeff: (sarcastically) Oh yes, and our next match will involved former PCW Tag Team Champions, Goovil who will take on Da West Sidaz.
Dave: WHOA!! I am being told there is some commotion in the back!
The camera shifts to the back where Riptah of Da Westsidaz and Hurricane Hastie of Tempest are jawing at each other just inside the entryway.
Dave: These two teams will face each other on Fusion in the second go around of the Tag Team tourney!
Jeff: Looks like they want to get things started a little early!
Doug Troy and Frisco enter the backstage area from the aisle of the arena. Frisco tries to separate Hastie and Riptah before things get ugly, while DT walks over to where Short Circuit and Raine seem to be eyeing each other up.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere appears the PCW CEO Tyler Nelson, with a chair in hand.
Tyler Nelson: Hey Dougie, nice match!
Nelson throws the chair at DT's head. DT instinctively catches the chair, but unfortunately this is the wrong move as Nelson follows up immediately by drop kicking the chair straight into Doug Troy's MTV lovin' face.
Frisco breaks apart from the Riptah/Raine altercation, to help his friend, only to find the Media Assassins, Chris Allen and Homicidal Anthony Cay have emerged from a darkened door way. Frisco begins trading punches with the huge Chris Allen and is actually getting the better of it, but a Singapore cane shot from HAC ends the former PCW Continental Champion's momentum. A second cane shot to the skull drives Frisco down to his knees, while a third shot puts him completely down to the floor.
Nelson, Cay and Allen looks at each other. The each grab a trashcan sitting in the back, and look like they are gonna each inflict some damage to DT and Frisco, but then Guy Leslie comes sprinting into the picture, with a shovel in hand. He nails Chris Allen in the skull with the shovel and it gives out a dull ring. Allen goes down like a 350 lb, former NBA bench warmer would. Cay and Nelson flee the scene.
DT and Frisco stagger to their feet.
Guy Leslie: You two alright?
Both mean moan and nod.
Guy Leslie: Good. Looks like we are even then.
Leslie cooly drops his shovel and walks off into the back, while DT and Frisco look at each other with dumbfounded looks on their faces.
Dave: So "The Machine" Guy Leslie just saved Frisco and Doug Troy!
Jeff: Was he returning the favor from last Saturday on Fusion!
Dave: He must have been! We have to head to the ring immediately. We will try to get on of our crack
Jeff: (interrupting) Remove the "K" sound and replace it with a "P" and you have the right word.
Dave: (sighing) We will try to get of our reporters to the back to get a word with Guy Leslie. In the meantime, let's head to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: The following match is for the double elimination PCW Tag Titles #1 Contenders Tournament. Making their way to the ring at this time, being accompanied to the ring by Barbara Bush-Kriegman, from Pleasantville, New Hampshire, weighing a total of 482 pounds, Alan Kriegman and Dillan Meyers, Goovil!
"I'm with Stupid" by Static X hits the sound system of the arena, and the crowd burts into cheers as Alan Kriegman and Dillan Meyers emerge from under the PCW-Tron, Kriegman carrying the PCW Continental belt and Dillan carrying the PCW TV title belt. Walking out beside Kriegman is his dominatrix wife Barbara Bush, and the evil super genius strikes a comically dramatic martial arts pose, after which he and his wife casually make their way to the ring, looking out at the fans and questioning the cheers for them. Meanwhile, Dillan Meyers is running down to the ring, arms stuck out in front of him like he was flying, his red cape flowing behind him. PCW's Superhero makes a few laps around the ring, pausing to shake Kenny, the poor kid that was hit by a truck and then burned by the Palmpilot of Death before Dillan could rescue him. Dillan shakes Kenny's left hand, that being the only limb not in a cast. Dillan then slides under the bottom rope. He climbs to the top of a turnbuckle and tosses his cape to a member of the ring crew as he heroically poses for the fans.
And their opponents, from Los Angeles, California, being accompanied to the ring by Daisy, weighing in at a total of 420 pounds, Short Circuit and Riptah, Da Westsidaz!
"Danger" by Mystikal hits the speakers as Da Westsidaz make their way to the ring, followed by Daisy. Lights flash and pyros go off as the two wrestlers enter the ring. SC takes one post and Riptah takes the other and they give the crowd the Westside symbol.
The bell rings and AK and Riptah start it off. Riptah goes on the offensive, slamming forearm shots into AK's head, before slinging him into the ropes, meeting him on the way back with a clothesline. He picks AK up and slings him into the Westsidaz corner. He tags in SC and both men start laying in boots to AK's midsection. DM tries to run in, but the referee admonishes him, and DM, being the superhero that he is, does not challenge the ref's authority and meekly climbs back through the ropes as the viscous double assault on AK continues. Both men pick AK up, each hook an arm over their shoulders, and nail a double suplex on AK. The ref finally herds Riptah back through the ropes as SC drops an elbow across AK's chest and goes for the cover 12 and AK kicks out. SC slings AK into the ropes and tries for a dropkick, but AK grabs onto the ropes as he bounces off, halting his momentum as SC drops to the mat flat on his back. AK quickly seizes advantage of the situation and grabs both of SC's feet. He smiles that evil little smile that drives Barbara oh so wild before bringing a foot straight down into SC's "lower abdominal region". DM gasps in horror at this blatant cheating as the ref warns AK, who pleads innocent of any illegal moves, motioning that he had kicked the man in the upper thigh. He drags SC over to Goovil's corner and tags in DM. They each grab one of SC's legs and yank them in opposite directions like a wishbone. SC rolls around on the mat as DM makes sure that AK gets back in their corner before turning back to the match. He picks SC up and nails a brainbuster suplex. He climbs up to one of the neutral corners and poses heroically as the crowd cheers. He then leaps off with a moonsault, but SC rolls out of the way and the pudgy superhero lands flat on his face. The ref starts a ten count as both men start crawling back to their corner. 123456 SC tags Riptah in 7 DM tags AK in. Riptah charges in at AK, but AK meets him with a spinning roundhouse kick. AK picks Riptah up and drives him to his knees with a double-handed chop to both sides of his neck. AK then nails Riptah in the chest with a dropkick, spilling him over. AK picks Riptah up, kicks him in the gut, and hooks a leg for The End, but SC runs in and clubs AK in the back with a double axe handle. AK turns around and starts trading punches with SC. SC starts to overcome AK, but AK drops to his knees and brings an arm up between SC's legs, bending him over. AK then stands up and nails SC with The End. AK covers, but the ref doesn't count, because Riptah is the legal man. Riptah drives home that point by dropping behind AK and rolling him up in a schoolboy 12 and AK barely gets the shoulder up in time. Riptah picks AK up and slings him into the ropes. As AK bounces off the ropes, DM tags himself in as Riptah sends AK over with a back body drop. Riptah turns in time to meet a Batspear by DM. AK climbs back through the ropes and back to his corner as DM picks Riptah up and DDT's him back down. DM tags AK in, and AK climbs to the top turnbuckle as DM picks Riptah up and lifts him up into the air by lifting with his neck and shoulders between Riptah's legs. AK leaps off the top turnbuckle and nails Riptah with When Worlds Collide. AK goes for the cover 123!
Winner: Goovil!
Suddenly, Mr Showtime sprints to the ring wielding an aluminum baseball bat.
Dave: LOOK OUT!!!
Jeff: It's old baldy himself!
Steven: (singing) Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean!
Showtime rolls into the ring and clobbers Kriegman in the back with it. He turns around to nail Dillan, but Dillan gets there first and nails him with the Batspear. Tyler Nelson, Dan Hollywood, Chet King, The Chef and the Media Assassins all sprint down the ramp.
Dave: Oh brother, here they come!!!
Dillan sees them coming and climbs up to the top turnbuckle. He leaps off and both the member of Media and all the fans watch in amazement as the pudgy superhero BADLY misjudges his leap and crashes into the front row, obliterating poor little Kenny. The members of Media just chuckle and shake their heads for a moment, until they see Kriegman getting up in the middle of the ring, trying to shake the cobwebs out. They rush in and Nelson, Hollywood, HAC and HCA start laying in a beating onto Kriegman as Chet King kneels down by Mr. Showtime, making sure he was alright.
Suddenly, unbeknownst to everyone in the ring, a small figure, dressed all in black, including a black ski mask, rappels down a rope from the rafters into the ring behind Chet King.
Dave: It's the little guy in black again!
Jeff: That has to be
The small man in black lands behind Chet King locks some sort of nerve hold onto King's neck, and appears to be unable to move.
Dave: He is using that nerve hold! Nerve hold!!
The rest of the Media suddenly notices what's happening and turn around. They try to charge the mysterious figure, but the line is suddenly pulled up and the masked man ascends back up into the rafters. Meanwhile, Barbara has collected the TV and Continental belts and pulls Kriegman out of the ring. Dillan has extracted himself from the front row, and is sobbing hysterically as he carries Kenny's broken form cradled in his arms. All three citizens of Pleasantville head back up to the ramp as the Media continues to stare up into the rafters.
Dave: So the man in black saves Goovil.but why?!?
Jeff: They aren't worth saving! They just make PCW look bad!
Dave: I disagree! They are fine representatives of PCW! If they were not, they wouldn't be out there!
Jeff: (sarcastically) Yeah, much the way we parade Steven out there!
Dave: Ok, I am told we are gonna keep it right here for the #1 Contenders match for Dan Hollywood's PCW Continental Title. Let's head to the ring where Clay Clayborne is standing by.
("Come and Get Me" by Jay-Z plays as Jon Kano comes out)
Clay: This next match is to determine the #1 Contender for the PCW Continental Title. First, making his way to the ring, from Las Vegas, Nevada, at a weight of 297 pounds.......JON KANO
("Dead Bodies Everywhere" from KoRn hits as Clyde and Bethany come out)
Clay: His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Bethany, from Hell's Kitchen, New York, at a weight of 230 pounds.......CLYDE
("Foggy Mountain Breakdown" plays as Bang Davenport walks out)
Clay: Their opponent, from Coldwater, Mississippi, at a weight of 243 pounds, he is the master of the Hill Billy Plunge.......BANG DAVENPORT
("Rock the Party" by P.O.D plays as Ryan Knox comes out)
Clay: Finally, from Boston, Massachusetts, at a weight of 300 pounds......."THE FUTURE" RYAN KNOX
The bell rings. Bang and JK team up and start beating on Clyde and RK. Bang and Clyde trade ounches while JK just pounds on RK. JK whips RK into the ropes but RK takes him down with a big clothesline. Meanwhile, Bang tosses Clyde from the ring. RK lifts RK up and goes for the Destiny Driver but Bang catches him with the Bang Thang. Bang covers RK, 1......2....JK breaks it up. Bang and JK exchange words then start exchanging punches. During this, Clyde sneaks back in, runs, and hits both men with a running clothesline. Clyde covers Bang, 1......2.....RK breaks it up. RK pounds away on Clyde. RK lifts Clyde up int he air setting him up for the Future Shock but JK gets up and dropkicks RK taking him down. Clyde falls on top of RK, 1......2....JK pulls Clyde up and tosses him from the ring. JK starts to beat on RK and, when Bang gets up, it becomes a double team. Bang and JK whip RK into the ropes and take him over the top with a back body drop. JK goes out of the ring and goes after RK. Meanwhile, inside, Clyde sneaks back in and hits Bang from behind. Clyde pounding away at Bang. Clyde whips Bang into the ropes, then hits him with a crecent kick. Outside the ring, RK has gotten the best of JK and slams his head off the announce table.
Jeff: Go away jobber!
Steven: Kano, you ROCK!!!
Clyde covers Bang inside the ring, 1......2....RK gets in to break it up. RK pounds on Clyde then whips him into the ropes. Clyde bounces off the ropes and Ryan Knox levels him with a tremendous clothesline. Knox grabs Clyde by the hair and pulls him to his feet. Bang Davenport is getting up. Knox lifts Clyde high into the air and delivers the DESTINY DRIVER. RK goes for the cover..1..2Bang tries to break the cover.no!..3!!!
WINNER: Ryan Knox
Dave: So Ryan Knox has come back from a long layoff and picked up a huge victory to be named the #1 Contender for Dan Hollywood's PCW Continental title.
Jeff: What is this!! Look!!
The scene shifts to the top of the entryway where the PCW Cruiserweight Champion Jake Keeton and his buddy Slade have appeared. Keeton whispers something to Slade then motions his head toward Knox, and then Slade and Keeton begin laughing.
Knox grabs the top rope and glares back at the pair from the ring and begins jawing at them.
Dave: There is a lot of bad blood between Keeton and Knox.
Jeff: There's a lot of bad wrestling between the two of them too.
Dave: (disgusted) Oooh would you stop! We're gonna head to a commercial. We will be right back!
(Commercial: Saturday, Saturday, Saturday!!! Neutral Zone Wrestling presents Splatterday Night! This Saturday, Big Poppa Plump will take on Flame, Edgecrusher, Nick Fury and Ian Preston for the NZW World Heavyweight Title. Don't miss any of the action. Check out the NZW website for local listings and ticket agents in your area. www.neutralzonewrestling.homestead.com)
Dave: Welcome back to Primetime Championship Wrestling I am being told we are ready to head to the ring for our first of eight first round tourney matches of the evening. Let's send it up to Clay.
Clay Clayborne: The following is a first round match in the PCW World Title Tournament. Making his way to the ring at this time, from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at 260 pounds, the Reverend!
The Reverend makes his way to the ring as "Spirit in the Sky" starts to play over the arena speakers.
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, from um it says here, the Rectory
Shadowman is shown, wearing the trademarked Ream Team tights, giggling over the little card switch he pulled on Clay.
Shadowman: He said rectory.
Clay shakes his head in disgust.
Clay Clayborne: Weighing in at 450 pounds, the Ultimate Warlord.
"It's Raining Men" starts to play over the arena loudspeakers as pink pyros go off. The Ultimate Warlord appears at the top of the ramp, wearing what looks to be an altar boy outfit, except that it is hot pink and is embroidered with the male symbol instead of crosses. He's swinging an incense burner, which is giving off the smell of potpourri. He pauses at the bottom of the ramp, making cow eyes at the Reverend, who in so filled with fury at this blasphemy that he can only stand there and fume. UW steps over the top rope and the bell rings. UW calls for a microphone.
Ultimate Warlord: Hey, cutie pie, I know you preachers like altar boys. Care to hear MY confession?
The Reverend shudders in disgust as UW bats his heavily mascareaed eyelashes at him and kicks UW in the gut. He nails the big man with the Exorcism and covers 123!
Winner, and advancing to the second round: The Reverend!
Dave: So the former PCW World Heavyweight Champion, Reverend Jon Hull, moves on easily to the second round.
Jeff: As if there was ever any doubt who would win that match.
Steven: I really though Shadowman was gonna pull it out.
Jeff: Pull it out and put it in like he did last night, Steven?
Dave: You are sinking to his level now Jeff?
Jeff: I couldn't resist.
Dave: (sighing) Let's head to the ring for our second tourney.Wait! I am being told our own Pimply Faced Intern Kid is standing by with I believe Guy Leslie.
We cut to tha back and see the Pimply Faced Intern Kidstanding outside a men's restroom. The door opens and Tyler Nelson starts to walk out, but the PKIK stops him in the doorway.
Dave: My mistake, looks like he is with the CEO!
PFIK: Mr. Nelson, do you have any comments about what's been going on in PCW over the last few weeks?
(Tyler looks down at the acne riddled kid in disdain.)
Tyler: You some kind of pervert or something? Hell, you might as well came in and interviewed me while I took a piss.
PFIK: (wiping his nose with his shirt sleeve) I'm just doing my job, sir.
Tyler: You still have a job here? I'll have to talk to Chet about that
Tyler grabs the microphone out of PFIK's hand.
PFIK: HEY!
(Tyler grabs PFIK by the shirt and pulls him close.)
Tyler: Do you want me to lock you in the closet again?!
(PFIK shakes his head emphatically 'no'.)
Tyler: Then shut up. This won't take long.
(Nelson looks into camera)
Tyler: There have been a lot of guys running around PCW making desparaging remarks about and attacking Media. We got guys sneaking out of the crowd, dropping pianos, blowing up limos and all sorts of other unacceptable behaviors. Well tonight Media has started the paybacks.
You see what happened to Kriegman?
PFIK nods.
Tyler: Did you see what happened to Troy and Frisco.
PFIK nods.
Tyler: Our presence will be felt one way or another. I may even have a special guest in attendance tonight
.(Tyler sneers at the camera and then shoves the microphone into the PFIK's chest, almost knocking him to the floor. Then Tyler makes his way down the hallway and out of site. Thecamera switches back to PFIK who is just standing thereclutching his chest with a sour look on his face.)
PFIK: Uh, I guess I'll send it back to you guys?
Jeff: Thank you Bumpy!
Dave: His name is not Bumpy!
Jeff: I meant it in the nicest possible way!
Dave: ARGH!! Let's head to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: The following match is a first round match in the PCW World Title Tournament. Making his way to the ring at this time, from Venice Beach, California, weighing in at 254 pounds, Kris Kanton!
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" from Nirvana begins to play over the arena speakers as Kris Kanton makes his way to the ring.
And his opponent, from Anaheim, California, weighing in at 210 pounds, Miyagawa!
"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park begins to play over the arena speakers. Kanton looks up the ramp, awaiting Miyagawa's entrance, but he's nowhere to be seen. The music fades away and still no sign of Miyagawa. The ref calls for the bell at Kanton's insistence and starts a ten count. 123456 and Miyagawa comes through the crowd and rolls into the ring behind Kanton. He springs to his feet with a wild grin and locks on Therapy! Kanton, surprised by Miyagawa's unorthodox entrance, waves his arms in futility but is unable to break the hold and drops down to his back and taps out.
Winner, and advancing to the second round of the tournament: Miyagawa!
Dave: So Miyagawa wins easily over Kris Kanton. Kanton still looks bothered by his injury.
Jeff: I have it on good authority that Kanton will be released from PCW effecitve immediately after this card.
Dave: Really?
Jeff: Yep. Saw the memo this morning.
Dave: That's gotta be a blow for sHs.
Jeff: Well, sHs blows anyway. Yeah, especially going into the handicap match this Friday against Media!
Dave: Ok, enough gab. We need to head to the ring for our next tourney match up and it should be a good one.
Clay Clayborne: The following match is a first round match in the PCW World Title Tournament. Making his way to the ring at this time, from Ashland, Wisconsin, weighing in at 230 pounds, one half of the Blood Brothers, "The Innovator" Brock Newbludd!
"Search and Destroy" from Metallica begins to play as Brock Newbludd makes his way down to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Buffy Vegas, from Hollywood, California, weighing in at 225 pounds, he is the PCW Continental Champion and the Commissioner of Primetime Championship Wrestling, "The A-List" Dan Hollywood!
"Californication" by Red Hot Chili Peppers begins to play as Dan Hollywood and Buffy Vegas makes their way to the ring.
The ref calls for the bell as BN starts slamming in right hands into DH's face over and over again. He kicks DH in the gut, bending him over, and snags him in a double underhook. He hoists him up and nails him with a backbreaker. BN bounces off the ropes and drops a leg across DH's chest and covers 12 and DH kicks out. BN picks DH up and tries to sling him into the ropes, but DH reverses the Irish whip and sends BN into the ropes instead, hip tossing him over on the way back. BN gets up and charges at DH, who meets him with a clothesline. BN springs back up and tries it again, and once again gets clotheslined for his troubles. DH grabs BN's foot and drops an elbow into his thigh muscle. He holds on to the foot, gets up, and drops another elbow into BN's thigh. DH drags BN over and places his foot on the ropes. DH grabs the top rope and hops up to come crashing down on BN's extended knee, but BN plants his free foot in DH's posterior and pushes, sending DH between the ropes and crashing down to the floor. BN runs, bounces off the opposite ropes, and meets DH with a baseball slide just as he regained his feet, sending DH back first into the guardrail. BN grabs DH and suplexes him back down onto the concrete as the ref starts a ten count 123 BN picks DH up and tries an Irish whip, but DH reverses it and slings BN back first into the ring apron 456 DH slams BN's head onto the ring apron and rolls him in under the bottom rope, and rolls in after him to break the ref's count. He grabs BN's leg as he slides back out and drags him over to the corner. He reaches around the ring post and grabs BN's other leg, pulling him straight back and crotching him on the ring post. DH then crosses BN's legs, puts one foot on top of BN's foot, holds on to his other foot as he jumps up and leans back, applying a figure four leglock around the ring post. The ref rolls out of the ring and starts yelling at DH, and finally ends up unwinding their legs manually. DH cockily rolls back into the ring as BN is rolling around, clutching at his hyperextended knee. DN looks down at BN and laughs at him, before picking him up by his hair. He grabs BN's injured leg and takes it over in a dragon screw leg whip. He picks BN up and grabs his injured leg again, laughing as BN hops unsteadily on one leg, trying to take a swing at DH. Suddenly, BN leaps and nails DH in the back of the head with an enziguri, spilling DH to the mat. BN stands up, favoring his right leg and hobbles over to where DH is climbing back to his feet. BN kicks DH in the gut and lands a front face DDT. BN makes twirly motions with his hands, signaling for the Sky Twister Press as he slowly starts to climb up to the top rope. Suddenly, a man in a red and white striped shirt and a little red fold hat over dreadlocks carrying a tray full of hot dogs hops over the guardrail. He hops up on the apron. The ref starts yelling at him, and the vendor grabs one of the hot dogs and starts arguing with the ref, trying to get him to smell it. On the other side of the ring, Jake Keeton comes through the crowd and over the guardrail, hops up onto the ring apron, and shoves BN off the turnbuckle. Keeton climbs into the ring, grabs BN, and nails him with the Future Shock! He rolls out of the ring as DH covers. The vendor hops off the ring apron and the ref turns around to see the pin and counts 123!
Winner, and advancing to the second round of the PCW World Title Tournament: Dan Hollywood!
Buffy climbs into the ring and helps Hollywood to his feet. He leans on her and turns around, mugging for the crowd as they boo.
Suddenly, "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park starts to play as Miyagawa and Eliza Dushka sprint down the ramp and roll into the ring.
Dave: Here comes Miyagawa!!!
They both lash out with superkicks, Miyagawa leveling the Continental Champion and Eliza nailing Buffy. The roll out of the ring, laughing and pointing to the fallen couple inside the ring.
Suddenly, Misfit and his enormous buddy OutKast sprint down the ring, each carrying a steel chair.
Dave: It's Misfit!
Jeff: And his boyfriend Outkast?!
Steven: (surprised) Really? Are they an exclusive thing?
Misfit and Outkast charge Miya and Eliza, and nail them each in the head with them. OutKast pulls a table out from under the ring and starts to set it up on the floor as Misfit pulls Miyagawa up onto the ring apron. OutKast picks up Eliza, slaps her around a little bit to wake her up, and grabs her head and forces her to watch as Misfit hooks Miyagawa's head between his legs, picks Miyagawa up, and leaps off the ring apron, piledriving him through the table!
Dave: OH MY GOD!!!!
The Crowd: PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!!
OutKast throws Eliza on top of Miyagawa's motionless form as Misfit grabs Clay Clayborne's microphone. He stands over the prone Miyagawa and sneers down at him.
Misfit: Don't f*ck with a Juggalo, bitch!
Misfit wings the microphone off of the prone Miyagawa then heads to the back with his massive bodyguard.
Dave: Oh my GOD!! Did you see that?
Jeff: Am I Helen Keller?
Dave: Uh.
Jeff: Of course I saw it you dumbass!
Davc: I am being told there is commotion in the back!
The screen shifts to the back, to show OutKast has been laid out and his head is bleeding. The camera pans out to show Phoeniz, with a lead pipe in hand, jamming into the gut of Misfit. Misfit doubles over and Phoenix nails him with INTO THE ASHES onto the hard concrete floor!
Dave: Looks like Phoenix is taking a little revenge for his tag team partner Miyagawa there!
Just as Dave says that, Fallen slips out of the shadows, grabs the gloating Phoenix by the shoulder her and spins him around.
Dave: WHAT NOW!!!
Phoenix tries to swing his lead pipe, but Fallen steps up and under with authority, driving a hard shoulder block into the stomach of Phoenix. Phoenix doubles over and drops his pipe. Fallen then jams Phoenix' head in between his legs and executes DOWN FALL onto the concrete floor below. Phoenix is out cold.
Dave: WHOA!!! What mayhem!
Steven: What carnage!!!
Jeff: What commercial!?!
The scene abruptly cuts to a commercial.
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Ovaltine, Tang and Carnation Instant Breakfast.)
Dave: Welcome back to Turmoil. Let's head to the ring for our next tourney match!
Clay Clayborne: Already standing in the ring at this time standing 6 feet tall and weighing in at 240 pounds.....................JJ!!!!!!
(Take A Look Around by Limp Bizkit hits the arena, Jake Keeton arrogantly struts down to the ring with the Cruiserweight Title secured around his waist.)
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, he hails from Lexington, Kentucky and is the PCW WORLD CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION....JAKE KEETON!!!!!!!!!!!
Keeton and JJ circle one another. The two men lock horns. Keeton quickly whips JJ down to the mat with a textbook arm drag. JJ quickly hops back to his feet and is dropped to the mat with a standing Keeton dropkick. JJ rolls out of the ring and tries to regain his composure. Keeton charges across the ring and baseball slides beneath the ropes and nails JJ knocking him into the steel guardrail. Keeton grabs JJ and whips him back into the ring. Keeton climbs to the second rope and taunts the crowd, then just after receiving a chorus of boos he leaps for a second rope leg drop but JJ rolls out of the way. Keeton rolls around grabbing at his hip. JJ drags Keeton to his feet and locks in a snap suplex. JJ covers Keeton........1................2.........kick out by Keeton. JJ whips Keeton into the ropes. ....Keeton ducks a JJ clothesline. Keeton rebounds...JJ goes for a sidekick but Keeton dropkicks JJ in the leg. JJ crumbles to the canvas grabbing at his leg. Keeton quickly goes in for the kill. Keeton locks on a figure four. After several moments JJ makes his way to the ropes.........1............2..............3............4.......Keeton breaks the hold. Keeton grabs JJ's leg and begins dragging him to the center of the ring but JJ kicks Keeton away. JJ scrambles to get back to his feet. Keeton charges at JJ.....JJ counters with a hot shot off the top rope. JJ covers Keeton.............1.........2......Keeton kicks out. JJ pulls Keeton to his feet. JJ locks Keeton into a front face lock as if he were going for a ddt. Keeton counters out with a Northern lights suplex into a bridge.........1.............2......JJ sneaks his shoulder out. Keeton takes JJ to his feet. keeton goes to whip JJ into the ropes but JJ reverses. JJ ducks his head for a back body drop but Keeton stop short and drives JJ's face into a knee. Keeton quickly grabs the dazed JJ and nails the FUTURE SHOCK!! cover........1..............2..............3
Winner: Jake Keeton
Dave: So JJ puts up a fight, but falls to the Future Shock! Jeff, would you agree JJ is one of the rising stars of PCW?
Jeff: (audible snoring is heard)
Dave: I'll take your silence as your agreement.
Suddenly, "One Step Closer" by Linking Park starts up over the PA system.
Dave: UH OH! Who's it gonna be?!? Miyagawa or Phoenix?!
Phoenix works his way through the curtains to the top of the ramp, a small pop comes from the crowd.
Jeff: That would be option Band frankly, the more entertaining of the two options.
Phoenix looks down from the ramp with a mic in hand and smile on his face.
Phoenix: Well Mr. Future, it's time to collide with the pasta bit here. I'm getting sick and tired of your weaseling in and out of your title! You screwed over Miyawaga to win the cruiserweight title and even after you stole the title you had the nerves to retain it by even more unjustice means.
Jeff: What the hell is he talking about?
Dave: I'm not too sure. I thought these interviews were edited for dialogue and content.
Jeff: Usually they are, but it is 1 am in China, so laziness is setting in.
Dave: Ah.
Phoenix continues.
Phoenix: .Some may argue that I don't deserve to be number one contender for "your" title but I'm gonna prove to you just exactly why I am! I'm gonna take this opportunity while I hold my number one spot and make you a challenge. A match where the will be no chance of interference and no possible ways of you escaping what you got coming to you!
The crowd starts chanting.
The Crowd: Cell!!! Cell!!! Cell!!!.
Phoenix looks out to the crowd.
Phoenix: Uh no! Maybe if I was in a good mood but not tonight. I'm looking for something that's a bit more exciting, something that can hold my interest. I wanna see you suffer Jake! I wanna see you bleed! I wanna watch and laugh as you burn from the flames! You and I on March 4th......an inferno match for your prized cruiserweight title!
One Step Closer starts to play again over the arena as the crowd erupts in cheer with a hunger in their eyes. Phoenixsmiles at Keeton and exits backstage.
Dave: INFERNO MATCH!!!??!
Jeff: And please tune in tomorrow for another episode of "As the jobber turns."
Dave: Would you shut up! We are ready to go to our next tourney match which will feature the CEO Tyler Nelson vs GQ. Let's head to the ring.
"Welcome back my friends" from Emerson, Lake and Palmer hits the PA system and the crowd erupts into a deafening roar of boos. After a few moments a figure emerges from the tunnel, but he is not a member of Media, but none other than the Pimply Faced Intern Kid.
PFIK pulls out a microphone and a scrap of paper.
PFIK: By decree of the Tyler Nelson, CEO of Primetime Championship Wrestling, this match has been moved to tonight's main event!
Dave: WHAT!!! What about the flag match!
PFIK: The CEO would like to take the opportunity to thrust a young superstar like GQ into the spotlight by putting him in the main event tonight. Thank you, and move onto the next match.
Dave: That's a bunch of nonsense.
Jeff: GQ sucks, that is a well documented fact. Nelson just wants to put himself over in the main event.
Dave: Well, he's the boss, so I suppose we have to live by his rules. Let's head to the ring where Stephen Blood will take on the man only know as Mystery Opponent #69.
Jeff: Most internet fans believe Mystery Opponent #69 to be the Phantom Booker, though I know that is not the case.
Dave: Care to make any predictions on who it is?
Steven: Well, it's not Jason Chase, who is still sitting in the front row, begging for spare change. I think I am gonna go with former UFW Great Xtreme
Dave: HA!! No way! I think it is the Master of the Soytown Bomb, Soy Boy.
The crowd pops at the mere mention of his Soyness.
Dave: Jeff?
Jeff: I am gonna go with actor/comedian Nipsey Russell or "The Match Game" fame.
Dave: Didn't he co star with Goldie Hawn in "Wildcats."
Jeff: Why yes, yes he did.
Dave: Well, let's see who's right! Let's head to the ring.
("Debonaire" by Dope hits as Stephen Blood comes out for his 1st round match.)
Clay: The following is a first round match in the 64 man World title tournament. Introducing first, from Clevland, Ohio, at a weight of 283 pounds......."THE NEW LEGEND" STEPHEN BLOOD
Dave: Let's see who Blood's opponent will be
("Feel Good" by [(Hed)PE] plays as the mystery man comes out)
Dave: It's Chuck Manson!!!
Jeff: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Clay: His opponent, from Death Valley, California, at a weight of 280 pounds......."THE FRANCHISE" CHUCK MANSON
SB just stares at CM with no fear in his eyes. He waits for CM to slide in, then they lock up. SB, though with a bit of a size disadvantage, starts to overpower CM. He pushes him back into the corner. Referee Bob Charlie steps in to break the two men up. SB allows for a clean break but CM doesn't and pokes SB in the eye. He then yanks SB by the hair and pulls him down to the mat. CM drops an elbow onto the mid-section of SB and makes a cover, 1......2....SB easily kicks out. CM pulls SB up and goes to whip him into the ropes but SB reverses. CM bounces off the ropes, ducks an SB clothesline, then, when SB goes down for a back body drop, CM catches him and hits him with a spinning neckbreaker. CM covers, 1.......2.....SB kicks out. CM grabs SB and attempts to put him in a figure 4 but SB uses his foot to just push CM away. SB quickly up as CM charges. SB catches CM with a drop toe hold. SB then applies a rear chinlock on CM. CM scoots around and gets to the ropes to cause a break. SB lets go of CM and stomps on him until Bob Charlie pushes him away. CM starts to get up again but SB runs up and kicks him hard in the ribs taking him back down. SB covers, 1......2.....CM kicks out. SB pulls CM up and sends him into the corner. CM hits the turnbuckle hard and staggers back. SB kicks him, then hits him with a pumphandle into a powerslam. SB covers, 1......2.....CM gets a shoulder up. SB stomps away some more at CM. SB then picks CM up and drops him with a shoulderbreaker. SB heads up to the top. He motions to the crowd, then comes off the top for The Vicious Cycle but CM rolls out of the way at the last second. CM then gets back to his feet, grabs SB, and rolls him up with an inside cradle, 1.......2.....SB kicks out. Both men are up. CM comes at SB with a lariat but SB ducks it. He then hits CM with a couple stiff, knife edge chops. SB then whips CM to the corner. SB charges in but CM hits him with a boot to the face. He then grabs SB and hits him with the Sell Out. CM covers, 1.......2........3
WINNER: Chuck Manson
Dave: So "The Franchise" Chuck Manson is back in PCW and moving onto the second round of the tourney!
Jeff: Sheez.Do you think this is who Nelson was talking about when he mentioned his big surprise?
Dave: Possibly.Look at the entryway!
The scene shifts to the entryway where Trashcan Man has appeared, holding his weapon of choice, which has placed three proficiency slots in, giving him an extra attack every other round as well as +3 to hit and damage.
Dave: What the hell is the is the narrarator talking about.
Jeff: Must be getting late in China.
TCM begins jawing up at Manson while Manson beckons him to come to the ring. TCM, never backing away from a fight takes a few steps towards the ring before a sea of referees and security, lead by PCW Security Chief Sandy Spitz, rush out to restore order.
Dave: Those two do not like each other!
Jeff: Of course they don't. I mean, what is there to like about either of them?
Dave: (sigh) Let's head to the ring for our next tourney match!
("We Won't Die" by Twizted plays as Dark Lotus, the Extreme champ, comes out)
Clay: The following is a first round match in the 64 man World title tournament. Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan, at a weight of 250 pounds, he is the PCW Extreme champion.......DARK LOTUS
("The Way I Am" by Eminem plays as Joe Cross comes out along with Rachel Stevens.)
Clay: His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Rachel Stevens, from Manhattan, New York, at a weight of 256 pounds......."SMOKIN'" JOE CROSS
DL gets on top of SJC early. DL pounds away at SJC, backing him into the corner. DL stomps away at SJC in the corner. He then pulls SJC up and sends him into the other corner. DL charges in but SJC gets his elbow up and hits DL in the mouth. SJC then hops onto the second turnbuckle, comes off, and hits DL with a missle dropkick. SJC covers, 1.......2....kick out. SJC stomps on DL some. SJC pulls DL up and goes to throw him into the ropes but DL counters with a short arm clothesline. DL drops a leg across the throat of SJC and covers, 1......2....SJC kicks out. DL pulls SJC up and whips him into the ropes. DL with a hard knee to the gut taking SJC down. DL stomps away on SJC some more before grabbing him, pulling him up, and throwing him over the top rope.
Outside the ring, SJC gets helped up by Rachel Stevens as DL comes out. DL goes to grab SJC but SJC hits him in the ribs. SJC then rakes the eyes of DL. SJC slams the head of DL into the steel steps then goes into the ring. SJC distracts referee Bob Charlie so Rachel can slap away at the face of DL. DL is hurt at first but, after the 3rd slap, just stares at Rachel. achel starts to back up as DL gets up and starts to stalk her. SJC sees it and tries a baseball slide kick but DL sidesteps it. DL then nearly takes SJC's head off with a vicious lariat. DL rolls SJC back into the ring and covers him, 1......2...SJC kicks out.
DL chokes at SJC some and Bob Charlie calls for the break. DL pulls SJC up and backs him into the ropes. DL with some stiff punches to the chest of SJC. He then goes to whip him but SJC reverses. Rachel hops onto the ring apron. DL ducks a clothesline by SJC. He then bounces off the other ropes but, in the process, knocks Rachel off. DL looks behind him to see what just happened. Bob Charlie goes out and checks on Rachel. During all of this, SJC slides out of the ring, goes under the ring, and pulls out a pool stick. He then slides back into the ring. DL turns around and has no time to react as SJC cracks him over the head with the stick. he then tosses it away and covers. Charlie sees the cover and slides back in to count, 1.......2.......3
WINNER: Smokin' Joe Cross
Dave: Did you see that? Cross just nailed the Extreme Champ with a pool stick for the win!
Jeff: Well, he's lucky, because Dark Lotus pushed Cross' yak off the apron. I would have capped his ass had he done that to my woman.
Dave: A few comments there. First of all, what the hell are you talking about with yak and capped?
Jeff: I am getting in touch with my mother's culture. Learning the lingo.
Dave: SighWait!!! There seems to be some discussion in the ring!
Cross has grabbed DL's Extreme Title and is arguing with referee Bob Charlie.
Dave: Looks like Cross thinks he has won the Extreme Title!
Jeff: Was this match a title match?
Dave: No.
Steven: Do we have a 24/7 rule in PCW when it comes to the Extreme Title?
Dave: I dunno, I don't think so, though.
Cross pushes Bob Charlie, but Bob refuses to give up the belt. DL gets up, and he and Cross start jawing at one another. After a moment or two of this, PCW secuirty rushes out of the back to restore order.
Dave: This little tift looks far from done! We need to head to a commercial. We will be right back.
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Depends Adult Diapers)
Dave: Welcome back to Turmoil. We need to head directly to the ring, as our next tourney match is already in progress between Riptah and Macaber Payne.
(Both men are already in the ring)
Riptah and MP are squaring off and just staring at each other. MP then turns as Caretaker says a couple things to him. This gives Riptah a chance to strike from behind. Riptah hammers on the back of MP hoping to God that it'll hurt him. Unfortunately for Riptah, this just pisses MP off. MP turns around and stares a hole into Riptah. Riptah tries to be brave by continuing to hit MP but this only agitates the big man more. With one swift right hand, MP nails Riptah taking him down. MP pulls Riptah up, throws him into the corner, then starts hammering away at him. Riptah is down in the corner as MP uses his foot to choke Riptah. Referee Speedy Riggs backs MP away from Riptah. MP just stares at Riggs as Riptah struggles to get up. Riptah gets up while MP is talking to Caretaker. Riptah charges towards MP but MP turns around, sees Riptah, then hits him with a powerslam. MP covers, 1......2.....Riptah gets a shoulder up. MP pulls Riptah up and sends him into the ropes. MP tries for a big boot but Riptah ducks under it. Riptah then bounces off the ropes again and flies at MP with a cross body block. MP just catches the little man though and hits him with a fallaway slam. Riptah staggers back to his feet but MP takes him down with The Summoner. MP then pulls Riptah up, lifts him up with ease, and drops him with The Spirit Fall. MP makes a cover, 1........2........3
WINNER: Macaber Payne
Dave: Riptah was just a little out matched there by the size and intensity of Macaber Payne.
Jeff: Just another case of the white man keeping the black man down!
Dave: Would you shut the hell up. Ok, while the ring crew sets up the props for our flag match, we are going to head to a commercial.
(Commercial: PCW is brought to your by Shazbot.Now looking for a new PCW spokesperson since Kid Wonder has been disgraced and is no longer marketable.)
Dave: Welcome, back! We are ready for our semi windup tonight, which will feature The Chef vs Hans Kruger in a flag match. Let's head to the ring.
Eat It by Weird Al hits throughout the arena. The newest member of Media, Chef makes his way to the ring much to the crowd's dislike as they erupt with an abundance of boo's and toss trash at Chef.
Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring, he hails from Paris, France..........CHEF!!!!
"If credit's what matters, I'll take credit" by Hot Snakes hits, and alternating red and yellow high-intensity footlights sweep up from ramp to roof throughout the entrance.
Clay Clayborne: And making his way to the ring, from Duisberg, Germany, weighing in at 265 pounds, Hans Kruger!
Kruger comes down the ramp at a run with energy drink in hand, with the colored lights sweeping up and over him. Waves once to fans on each side of ramp, giving them a smile as he does so. When he reaches the ring, he takes a swig from his drink, re-stoppers it, rolls it into the ring, and follows it in. From this point the footlights stop, and a banded red and yellow spotlight shines directly down onto him and spins around. He stands, throws some punches at thin air, jumps up and down a couple of times, picks up his drink, swigs it hands it to Clay Clayborne.
Kruger then jogs to his corner ready to begin, and his music fades out.
Kruger sprints into the ring to stop Chef from getting the flag on a head start. Kruger yanks Chef off of the turnbuckle and begins stomping away at him. Kruger pulls Chef to his feet and sends him flying into the ropes. Chef spears Kruger to the mat. Chef mounts Kruger and starts beating him like a madman. Chef drags Kruger to his feet and scoop slams him. Chef rebounds off the ropes and comes crushing down with a body splash onto Kruger. Chef climbs makes his way over to the pole his flag is on. Chef starts to climb up the turnbuckles just as Kruger stirs to his feet. Kruger knocks Chef's feet from under him causing Chef to come crashing down on his delicatessens. Kruger climbs up behind Chef and starts to hit him with a few noogie like shots . Suddenly Kruger locks Chef into a reverse face lock..................INVERTED DDT FROM THE TOP ROPE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both men are down................Kruger slowly crawls his way over to the corner where his flag is held. Kruger pulls himself up using the ropes and starts to step on the second turnbuckle when out of no where Chef is on his feet and squashes Kruger with a violent avalanche. Kruger pancakes then crumbles to the mat. Chef looks at his flag across the ring then decides he's not done with Hans Kruger. Chef positions Kruger.....Chef then climbs to the second rope. He then shakes his head and carefully climbs to the top rope.........................TOP ROPE BONZAI DROP!!!.............BOOOOOM!!!!
Dave : KRUGER MOVED!! KRUGER MOVED!!!
Jeff: And Chef's ass may be broken!
Steven: I know from personal experience that breaking your ass hurts. That is why I am the spokes person for KY Jelly
Dave and Jeff: (Simutaneously) SHUT UP!!!!
Kruger rolls to the outside of the ring. He grabs a steel chair from ringside then renters the ring. Kruger opens the steel chair and sets it up in the center of the ring. Kruger whips Chef into the ropes. Kruger ducks his head to back drop Chef onto the chair but Chef stops short and quickly locks Kruger in for a powerbomb....................... ...CRAAAAAASSSSSHHHHH!!!!!!!
Marx: HOT DIGGITY DAMN!!! CHEF JUST SENT KRUGER THROUGH THE CHAIR WITH A POWERBOMB!!!
Chef sits exhausted for a moment then makes his way toward the French Flag. Chef arrogantly climbs up the ropes. Stopping each step to taunt the crowd. Chef reaches the tope turn buckle and grabs to his flag at the top of the pole. Hans Kruger suddenly dives onto the top rope causing Chef to lose his balance. Chef flies off of the turnbuckle, bounces off of the apron then comes crashing down with a disturbing thud to the arena floor....
Crowd: HOLY SH!T, HOLY SH!T, HOLY SH!T, HOLY SH!T, HOLY SH!T, HOLY SH!T
Kruger lays exhausted with the top rope the only thing keeping him from the mat. Chef lies motionless on the arena floor. Kruger slowly makes his way over to his corner where the German flag hangs. The exhausted Hans Kruger slowly climbs the turnbuckles. Chef slowly starts to make his way to the corner that Kruger is ascending on the outside...... Kruger is about reach the top rope...suddenly Chef gets on the apron and starts delivering shots to Kruger. Chef climbs up to the top rope with Kruger. The two men continue to trade blows. Kruger suddenly waist locks the huge Chef....................BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE!!! Both men are down and out. ............Kruger is the first to his feet. He stumbles have knocked out toward the German flag. Just as Kruger begins to go for his flag, The Media Assassins sprint from the back. The begin to pummel Hans Kruger. The Assassins dump Kruger over the top rope and follow out. The two men begin stomping away at Kruger......
(CROWD ERUPTS)
DAMN sprints from the lockeroom down to ringside. DAMN and Media Assassins start to brawl at ringside. Meanwhile in the ring Chef crawls over to his flag. He slowly pulls his beaten carcass up the turnbuckles. Chef reaches towards the French flag....................
Dave: CHEF GOT IT! CHEF WINS IN ANOTHER MEDIA SCREW JOB!
Winner: Chef Time: 6:12
Jeff: Media rules!
Dave: Media has their own rules!
Jeff: That too!
A sea of security rushes out to separate DAMN and the rest of Media.
Dave: We need to head to a commercial. When we come back, we will go to the ring for our Tampex Main Event the CEO will finish of the first round of the tourney when he faces GQ.
Jeff: (audibly sniffing the air) Mmmmmm mmmmmmm! GQ! Smell them ratings, baby!
Dave: (sighing) Don't go away!
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Tampex. Tampex, soaks up 50% more goo and sludge than the other top leading brands.)
Dave: Welcome back to Turmoil. We are going to head to the ring for our Tampax Main Event of the evening!
"Welcome back my friends" from Emerson, Lake and Palmer hits the PA system as the CEO of PCW Tyler Nelson heads from the back.
Clay Clayborne: Now on his way to the ring, needing no introduction, he is the CEO of PCW and Media Inc, Tyler Nelson!
Nelson enters the ring and holds his arms up high, much to the dismay of the fans. Nelson jaws at a fan at ringside and then orders security to escort the fan away.
"I'm too Sexy" from some band I can't recall hits the PA system as GQ heads out of the back.
GQ makes his way down the ramp, striding as he does so. He stops at the bottom and points out at Nelson, saying a few things to him. Nelson nods and then shakes his head, a cocky grin forming over his face. GQ the begins to stride towards the ring.
Clay Clayborne: "And his opponent"
Clay's words are interrupted as "Supernova Goes Pop" by Powerman 5000 hits the PA system.
Dave: THAT'S MEANSTREAK'S MUSIC!!! THAT'S MEANSTREAK'S MUSIC!!
The lights turn down and GQ freezes where he stands. Just as the lyrics begin, the lights start to strobe. A large figure steps forward and thrusts GQ in the air, looking like he's impaling him. The lights go up, only for a second, showing the body of GQ beings held in the air by the fists of Meanstreak.
Jeff: IT IS!!! THE MONSTER IS HERE!!!
They lights begin to strobe again and GQ's body slams to the ground. The lights finally come up as Supernova Goes Pop continues playing. Streak lifts GQ into the air and tilts his head, turning to the ring. Tyler Nelson smiles.
The cameras cut back to Meanstreak as he drags GQ's body up the ramp. He swings him over, slamming his now limp body against the hard steel surface. Streak holds his hand out to Nelson, rubbing his fingers together. Nelson smiles and nods his head in victory.
Dave: STREAK IS HELPING NELSON!!! THE RICH KEEP GETTING RICHER!!! STREAK SEEMS TO HAVE JOINED MEDIA!!!
Meanstreak hoists the body of GQ onto his shoulders in the AT DEATH's DOOR position and walks down the ramp. He hops up onto the apron and somehow manages to flip into the ring with the man still on his shoulders, showing his agility so many people didn't know he possessed.
Tyler Nelson watches and crosses his arms. Meanstreak climbs to the top turnbuckle and roars to the crowd. They boo at him for his new alliance as he jumps sideways from the ropes. GQ doesn't make a sound as his head meets the canvas with a sickening, almost grotesque thud.
Dave: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Meanstreak comes to one knee, in his classic pose, and looks at Tyler Nelson through his strands of hair. Tyler smiles and uncrosses his arms, extending his hand. Meanstreak stands and looks out to the crowd and grabs Nelson's hand, shaking it.
Dave: NELSON HAS MADE A DEAL WITH THE MONSTER!!!
Steven: and Streak has made a deal with the devil!!
The crowd boos as Nelson smiles out to them, knowing they're hating every moment of this. Streak, still holding the C.E.O.'s hand, motions for a mic. A man off camera tosses it to him as Streak's face stays serious. He brings the mic to his lips.
Meanstreak: "I said I don't have a price."
Dave: WHAT?!?!
Nelson's eyes go wide as the ring bell rings?
Jeff: WE HAVE A MATCH!!! MEANSTREAK IS IN THE TOURNEY AND HAS CHOSEN NELSON AS HIS OPPONENT!!!
Nelson tries desperately to pull his hand from the monster's grip, shaking his head and pulling as hard as he can. Meanstreak doesn't even budge. He grabs the back of the CEO's head and pulls him forward with one quick thrust, drilling his forehead into his. Nelson hits the mat immediately, holding his head and groaning in pain. Streak stands over Nelson and points down to him, yelling things about greed and money. He grabs the CEO by the neck and yanks him to his feet. Nelson once again tries to plead as Streak simply shakes his head. He pulls Nelson over his head in a military press and begins pressing him. Once he hits ten, the beast runs over to one of the turnbuckles. He tosses the CEO of PCW over and directly across one of the poles. Nelson's abdomen slides over the pole, nearly being impaled upon it. The crowd is exploding now as Streak wanders around the ring like a caged lion. He continuously pops his knuckles and swings his huge arms in circles as Nelson lays around outside the ring, on his knees and trying to get to his feet. Meanstreak finally gives up on his wait and hops over the top rope, down to the floor. Tyler looks up and holds his arms out in front of him, pleading once more. Streak grabs one of his hands and yanks, pulling him up to his feet and stumbling back behind the beast. Streak wheels around just as Nelson regains his stance.
The screen suddenly splits into two. On the left the match continues, while on the right, the scene shows the backstage area where DAMN and The Outcasts are taking it to Media in the backstage area.
Dave: THERE IS NO HELP FOR THE CEO OF PCW!!! HIS FRIENDS ARE TRAPPED!!!!
Tyler turns around to see Streak charging at him. The beast goes for a spear, but keeps his footing, lifting the CEO up into the air and running with him. Nelson screams as Streak dives down, drilling Nelson directly into the floor. As Streak does so, he flips over, landing on his feet and begins pounding on his chest. He grabs Nelson once more and slides him back into the ring. Hopping up onto the apron, the beast leans forward, watching Nelson as he doesn't move. He flips into the ring and pulls Nelson to his feet.
The camera pans in on Tyler's face, showing little signs of consciousness. His face is draped in a blank look as Meanstreak shakes his head at him. The beast whips him into the corner and runs at him, hitting him with a dominating clothesline that sens Nelson flipping multiple times in the air. The second he hits the mat, the monster is there again to pull him up. He whips him into the ropes and brings him over his head in a gorilla press. Pressing the body of Tyler Nelson again, Streak drops him, stepping forward and out of the way. Meanstreak grins a small grin and picks Nelson up again. He wraps both his hands around his throat and lifts him into the air. Nelson's air comes back to him and he begins thrashing his appendages about furiously. Streak simply strides around the ring, CEO up in the air, and stops. He stands there a moment more, and then with a roar, tosses Nelson up into the air. Watching closely, the beast grabs him out of the air, perfectly on his shoulders for AT DEATH's DOOR. He wanders around the ring for a moment and then drops him hard. The beast rolls over and hooks the leg. 1...2...3!!
Winner: Meanstreak Time: 3:17
"Supernova Goes Pop" by Powerman 5000 hits the PA system.
Dave: The Monster is back and moving to the second round!!!
The camera focuses in on Tyler Nelson's face, which is showing nothing more than some twitching. Meanstreak gets up and pounds on his chest and let's out a roar as he stands over the fallen CEO of PCW.
Chuck Manson comes to the edge of the entryway and looks up into the ring at Meanstreak.
Dave: There's Manson!! He'll face Streak in the second round a week from Friday. We are out of time!!! We will see you on Friday on Fusion! Good night everyone.
Meanstreak pays no attention to Manson standing in the entryway, and continues roaring and pounding as only he can. Streak climbs the turnbuckle and raises his heavily muscled arms to the sky and lets out a might roar as the show fades to black.