Live from the Mud Palace in Toledo, Ohio

The show opens several black and white still shots of the goings on at Dawning this past Sunday.  First it shows the Masked Commissioner waffling Seraph over the head with a steel chair to give Nick Taylor the win, then PHD and Nick Taylor helping new compatriot Alan Kriegman win the Continental title.  The third photo is of The Preacher standing among the rafters holding and unconscious Reverend.  The fourth still shot is of Kremmen using a cattle prod on Meanstreak.  The fifth photo is of the referee raising Kremmen's hand and handing him the PCW World Heavyweight Title Belt.  The final photo is of Kremmen passing out while locked in "The Stroke of Genius" by "The Scholar" Howard Porter.

The screen fades to black and the Turmoil Opening begins.  It is a new Turmoil Opening show opening, which takes place in what appears to be a city on fire.  Highlighted in the opening are Kremmen, Meanstreak, The NUO, Judas Steele, Revenant, Ryan Knox and "The Scholar" Howard Porter.

When the show opening ends, the scene shifts to a ruined church on a dark stormy night.  Rain drips inside the church.  Suddenly, several torches flare up illuminating the room.  The camera angles pans up to show Reverend hanging from a cross in the behind an ancient stone altar.  He appears to be unconscious.  A crow flies across the camera shot and as its body passes it consumes the camera shot, and the scene stays black.

The scene shifts to the brightly lit interior of the Mud Palace in Toledo, Ohio.  Pyros shoot up from the tunnel entrance and ring posts.  The camera shoots around the arena and shows a scaffold near the ringside area, actor comedian Jamie Farr, a older overweight woman holding open an "I luv Doug Troy sign" and finally focusing in on what appears to be a 3' tall, 40 lb African Pigmy holding up a "Meanstreak Sucks Fire Engine Red Baboon's Ass!" sign.

Dave Kern:  Hello everyone and welcome to PCW's Tuesday Turmoil.  Well, it would seem that the letter writing campaigns of some folks has given Steven and I a temporary stay of execution, at least until Friday night Steven!

Steven Smith:  That is correct.  The Phantom Booker has done the right thing and put you and I against those losers Smith and Kern.  The winning team gets to remain in the PCW as the announce team, while the losers are sent into jobber hell down in the Primetime Indy Circuit.

Dave Kern:  Wait a minute, the PIC is its own independent circuit, not a jobber circuit!

(The two men begin cracking up)

Dave:  Ok, we would be remiss if we didn't run down the new champions who were crowned at Dawning...

Steven:  But that is all you guys are getting because we are not gonna give a blow-by-blow review of what happened just because some of you were too cheap to buy the damn thing.

Dave:  (sighs) Sunday night was shocking to say the least, pun intended.  Kremmen managed to win the world title by using a cattle prod to shock Meanstreak...

(The camera once again pans over to show the 3' tall pigmy, who is holding up a Meanstreak poster.  The pigmy looks at the poster, then begins to eat it)

Steven:  That is unnerving to say the least.

Dave:  Never the less, Kremmen is the first ever PCW World Heavyweight Champion. 

Steven:  Meanstreak gets another shot this Friday on Fusion!

Dave:  Alan Kriegman, with help from Nick Taylor and Professor Herbert D. Dorkiman, also pulled of a "shocking" victory to be crowned the PCW Continental Champion.  He will face MWF Television Champion Frisco on Friday night with the title on the line.

Steven:  And who really cares about the other titles, especially since our first match is about to begin and it is indeed a scaffold match!

Dave:  I thought it was supposed ot be a tower match.

Steven:  Yeah, it was, but the Eiffel Tower was the only tower big enough to support Two Ton's weight, so a scaffold will have to do!

(Blur's "Song 2" starts to blare over the speakers and The Main Man makes his way down the steel ramp slowly with his valet, the former porn star Alexis Star. The crowd begins jumping up and down and cheering more for Alexis Star than for The Main Man. He yells at all the fans who think they are worthy to touch Alexis....

Steven:  You ever see the movie I did with Alexis?

Dave:  Huh?

Steven:  It was called "The day Alexis was ruined for all other men"

Dave:  Shut up!

The Main Man  steps into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle and lifts his arms into the air.  Then he realizes he should be going over to the scaffold and exits the ring and makes his way to the scaffold.)

Clay Claybourne: Now standing in the , being accompanied by Alexis Star, from St. Louis, Missouri, standing at 6'6" and weighing 263 lbs., The Main Man.

("Now that is DEFINATELY a Soy Boy!" is screamed over the sound system and the fans go nuts. Old women swoon and young girls faint.   Bras and panties begin to litter the aisle.  "It's Tricky" by The Fat Boys plays over the loud speaker as Soy Boy appears at the top of the ramp. Soy Boy runs down to the ring and begins to climb up one end of the scaffold as The Main Man climbs up the other side. The two reach each other in the middle of the scaffold and begin trading punches.

Lights flash red and green as "Weird Al" Yankovich's song "I'm Fat" plays over the PA. The floor begins to rumble as Two Ton jogs through the halls of the arena. The rumble grows louder, with dust and pebbles cracking and falling from the walls and ceilings. As he makes his way to the ring, cracks spread below his feet, until he enters the ring, which creaks and bends under his weight. He begins to slowly make his way up the ladder to the top of the tower. SB and MM continue to trade punches with each one nearly knocking the other off. TT finally reaches the top of the tower. He begins to lose his balance and falls face first onto the bridge of the scoffold.   The scaffold begins to shake and wobble from the force of his weight.  PHD is shown in the back checking his Richter Scale.  He shows it to Nick Taylor and Nick types something into his I-Mac.   The scaffold continues to shudder wildly.  SB and MM begin to lose their balance and fall off of the tower and come crashing down onto the concrete floor below. . The bell rings to signify Two Ton's victory.)

Winner: Two Ton                                                  Time: 0:34                    

Dave:  Well, fans there you have it.  Two Ton is your winner.  (trying to hold back his laughter)  Steven, any insights?

Steven:  (after a moment of stunned silence)  (calmly)  That was perhaps the biggest abortion of wrestling I have ever witnessed in all my years of commentating in this great industry.

Dave:  Does that include the matches with Xtreme you called back in the days of the UFW?

Steven:  Well, I wouldn't go that far...  Though he did beat Emerald Fusion.

The two commentators share a laugh....The camera shifts to the back showing PHD rolling on the floor in laughter with snot coming out of his nose.  As PHD is laughing, BA Bruiser and Mercedes walk by and look at him with disdain.

BA:  What a dork!

Mercerdes:  You know, I think he is kinda...

He words are cut short by a chair shot to the back of her head.  She goes down in a heap.  BA Bruiser wheels around to find NUO members Troubled Youth and Finisher behind him.   Finisher goes to strike BA with the chair, but gets caught with a boot to the face instead.  TY executes a spinning crescent kick, but BA grabs his leg in midair.  In one fluid motion, he jumps into the air putting his leg over TY's Extended leg, then he drops to the floor, putting incredible force down upon TY's knee with the force of the fall.  TW screams in pain and rolls on the floor in agony.  BA crawls over to check on Mercedes when out of nowhere, Death Dealer, the leader of the NUO appears and cracks him over the back with an aluminum bat.  BA tries to get up, but DD keeps laying into him with the bat.  BA sacrifices his own body to shield Mercedes from the blows.  Finally, Ripper and Irbe run out and along with Death Dealer, they begin laying the boots to BA.

After kicking BA several more times, the NUO members back off.  Death Dealer points at the beaten BA.

Death Dealer:  BA Bruiser or whatever the hell your name is, let it be known that no wrestler in the PCW is allowed to touch Jeff Marx.  If you do, you will suffer the wrath of the NUO!

The NUO members then storm off.

The small pigmy guy suddenly appears.   He takes out a teeny knife and cuts off a lock of Mercedes' hair, then woddles off.

Dave:  And I thought Kiwi got overpushed!

Stephen:  Hey, when you have a 2'3, 37 lb Pygmy on the payroll, you know PHD is gonna wring every drop of talent he can get out of that sponge.

Dave:  Sad but true.  Speaking of freak shows, let's head to the ring for our intergender tag team match up!

(Hisses, chants, rants, and boos fill the arena as thetheme from the hit PBS show "The Frugal Gourmet" play throughout the arena. The Chef and his lovely valet Bertha Stewart enter the arena and slowly walk down the aisle.)

Clay Claybourne: Making their way to the ring at a combined weight of 600 lbs., from Paris, France, The Chef and Bertha.

(Dim lights alternate between the colors blue and white as Outkast's "Gasoline Dreams" bumps through the speakers and Cole Envy makes his way to the ring with Shimmer. They stand in the middle of the ring as white pyro shoots out of two of the posts over blue lighting, then blue pyro shoots out of the remaining two posts over white lights.)

Clay Claybourne: Their opponents, at a combined weight of 316 lbs., from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, ColeEnvy and Shimmer!

Envy and Chef start off the match. They circle other and Chef grabs for Envy. Envy ducks the attempt and slides underneath Chef and dropkicks him in the back of the head. Chef stumbles forward but not off of hi feet. Envy slingshots into the ropes and tries a flying cross body on the big man but is caught in midair. Chef follows up with a power slam. Chef tags in Bertha. Bertha comes in and attempts a leg drop on Envy that he is barely able to avoid. He reaches over and tags in Shimmer. Shimmer takes off in a dead sprint at Bertha and Bertha prepares to knock back. Shimmer slides underneath her and begins to rip at her hair from behind. Bertha screams and starts moving backwards as the two ladies fall to the outside of the ring with Bertha landing on top of Shimmer. Shimmer has the breath knocked out of her from the weight that just landed on top of her. Bertha climbs on top of her and begins to slap her around. The referee goes to get the two ladies back in the ring. Chef gets in the ring and leans over the ropes to watch the chaos happening on the outside. He is laughing as Bertha slaps Shimmer around. Envy sneaks to the top of the nearest turnbuckle to Chef. He comes off the top nailing amissile drop kick. He signals for Envious, his double pump frog splash. He climbs to the top of the turnbuckle again. The referee has finally gotten Bertha off of Shimmer. Bertha casually slides arolling pin into the nearby Chef. As Envy comes offthe top, Chef holds up the rolling pin and that Envy's ribs land on. He rolls over in pain. Both men begin to slowly stand up. Chef makes it up before Envy. Envy stumbles into Chef's grasp and Chef executes The FiletMignon, a chicken wing jawbreaker. Chef lays on Envy for the pin. The ref slides back into the ring. 123!)

Winners: Chef and Bertha                       Time: 3:02

Dave: So Chef and Bertha cook up another win!

Steven:  That match sucked because we didn't get to see and nipular action from Shimmer this time out.

Dave:  Nipular?  That isn't even a word!

Steven:  Yes it is!

Dave:  No it isn't!

Steven:  Yes it is!

Dave:  No it isn't!

Steven:  Sure, next thing you are going to say is that there is no such phrase as "nippage action"

Dave:  ARRRRGH!!! GO TO COMMERCIAL!!!!

(Commercial:  PCW is brought to you by Wonder Bra.  The scene opens showing Colossus lounging on a bed, wearing his toga...

Colossus:  Wanna know my secret to making the other gladiators envy my pectoral muscles.  Wonderbra, Baby!

The 500 lb+ Gladiator then pulls aside his toga to show a pink frilly Wonderbra beneath.

Colossus:  Wonderbra:  The official bra of the Roman Legion!

The cameras cut to the arena foyer, where Ed Novak and Anguish standing the center of a rather large crowd. Angy holds a sign with something illegible scribbled on it, and the outline of a mouse drawn with a lime green crayon. Novak is delivering a moving speech while the crowd chants "Save Ste-ven! Save Ste-ven!

Novak: They fired Monica! They fired Dave! They fired Steven! And we're not gonna take it! Save our commentators! Save our commentators!  The crowd continues chanting feverishly as the camera pans to the side.

Stewart Hix, holding a sign reading "Hardcore Sux" stands all alone, leading his own imaginary crowd in a chant of "Down with hardcore!" He glances over at Novak and Anguish, and frowns. After a few more seconds, he walks over, shoves his way through the crowd, and confronts the two former UFWers, waving his sign in the air. 

Hix: Down with hardcore!

The crowd stops chanting as Novak and Anguish look at each other. They look back at Hix, then back at each other. They shrug, and both break their signs over Stewart's head. They begin laying in the boots as refs flood into the lobby and drag them apart. The crowd cheers as the scene switches back to the arena.

Steven:  I still hate Novak. 

Dave:  Why?

Steven:  See that bald spot on my head?

Dave:  Yes.

Steven:  Bob.

Dave:  Bob?

Steven:  Bob.  I hate Bob.

Dave:  Well if you hate him he is probably someone I want to meet.

Steven:  Well if Novak ever stops sleeping with him, I will sneak him out and introduce him to you first hand...(chuckling)

Dave:  Novak is gay!?

Steven:  (slyly)  Oh yeah, you didn't know?

Dave:  No, jeez.  Not that there is anything wrong with it mind you....Ok, time for our next match.

The arena goes totally dark, then the theme from the movie The Omen

begins to play.  The Preacher emerges from the tunnel and begins to walk to ringside.)

Clay Clayborne: Now making down to the ring.......THE PREACHER!!!!!!!!

And his opponents first.........

(Pyro fills the air as "Devil Without A Cause" by Kid Rock roars over the arena. Chris Lee walks out slowly, not showing any emotions he climbs into the ring.

"The Icon" CHRIS LEE!!!

Clay Clayborne: And his partner...............THE PROPHESY!!!!!!!!

(The arena goes dark and the music from the Madden 2001 commercial and the lights flash red and green. When Prophesy emerges red and green fireworks go off and then he makes his way to the ring)

Clay Clayborne: And his partner..............PROPHESY!!!!!!!!

Steven:  Poor Chris Lee.  Prophesy has to be the worst wrestler we have on the roster...

Dave:  Uh, are you forgetting the Ultimate Warlord?

Steven:  I stand corrected.

Chris Lee started things off against Preacher. They locked up in a collar and elbow tie up with Preacher getting he quick advantage. Preacher drives Lee back to the corner and unloads a serious of lefts and rights and then whips Lee across the ring into the opposite corner. Lee flips up and over the post and catches his feet on the apron. He attempts to run across the apron to the opposite corner but Preacher catches him by the throat and chokeslams him back into the ring. Preacher brings Lee to his feet and whips him into the ropes Lee is welcomed back by a boot. Lee does not go down but stumbles back to his corner then falls as he makes the tag to Prophesy. Prophesy charges in like a madman and is welcomed by the LAST RITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.........................2........................3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINNER: PREACHER!!!!!!!!!!!                    Time:  :31

The Preacher exits the ring and makes his way to the back.

Dave:  An impressive win for the Preacher to say the least.

Steven:  Yeah, well let's see how he fairs if he ever takes on a real tag team, like David and Goliath!

The two announcers share a laugh.

Dave:  Ok, let's head to a commercial.

(Commercial:  Voice-over: It's coming...a once in a lifetime deal, one that is simply too good to pass up...

The screen opens up on TwoTon standing in line at an all-you-can-eat buffet. He is holding three plates in his arms and his face is covered with the biggest grin this side of Albuquerque. As he makes his way to the buffet table, he passes a sign that reads "Old Country Buffet"

Voice-over: You'd better come quickly, cause with a deal like this, our food might not last. (gulp))

Dave:  Ok, welcome back to Turmoil.  I am being told that our own Jeff Marx, man that just sound's wrong, is standing by with on of PCW's top telants in the back.  Jeff!

Jeff:  Thank you, Mr. "My Ass Will Be Unemployed as of Friday Night" Dave Kern.  I am here with one of the dumbest men ever to stand upright.  I mean, this guy is truly one of God's mistakes....

Shadowman passes through the back of the camera shot from left to right.

Jeff:  That's right PCW fans, you guessed it, Mr. Troy Brown.

The camera pans out to show Troy Brown.  There are electrical burn dressings all over Troy's hands and a good portion of his neck. A little bit of his hair is still sticking up.

Troy:  Thank you for your kind words, Mr. Marx.

Jeff:  No problem, numbnuts!  Troy, tough loss on Sunday. Dilbert and his merry band of dorks, aka The Think Tank seem to have gotten the best of you, Naket, and Meyers, as if that is hard to do.  Any thoughts about the match?"

Troy: "Well, as you probably know, electrical shocks tend to harm memory, so I can't remember much aboot the....uh........thing.......I did...... on Sunday.....whatever it was."

Jeff: "Uh, McFly! The continental title match!"

Troy: "Oh yeah! Now I remember! Seems kind of unethical that the president of the federation would be doing something like that.  Then again, coach would probably call it brilliant, eh? I feel sorry for Naket and Dillan as well.

Jeff:  Yeah me too.  I mean one of them is obviously desperately trying to hide his rampant homosexual tendancies and the other thinks he is a super hero.

Troy:  Dillan was naive, and allowed a more clever man to trick him. I know a lot aboot mental inferiority, eh?"

Jeff:  As if that needed to be said.  Any hard feelings towards Kriegman?"

Troy: "Not really. But  I'd sure like another shot at that belt. Perhaps me and Alan can go one-on-one this time. A good, clean fight, yah know?"

Jeff:  (mockingly) Yeah, like strappin' on the foil, eh?

Troy:  Exactly!  

Jeff:   So what other things do you have to tell this the crowd at home who I am sure is absolutely riveted to their television sets hanging on your every word."

Troy: Well,  I hope that Meanstreak learned his lesson with that little joke I played on him. I almost snorted soda through my nose after seeing that, eh? But I wouldn't mind getting in the ring with him too. Then again, he seems to be making enemies left and right, so I think his schedule might be full. I just might be able to get his attention though. As for someone else to fight, I notice that Irbe has made his way to the PCW. I know this guy from a previous engagement. He's got a bit of an inferiority complex with Americans or something. Good fighter, but I think I have the upper hand in that matchup. I'd love to fight him on Friday though. It's always a privilege to face a fellow countryman in a good, clean fight too, eh? It could be a good warmup for a future encounter with Kriegman or Meanstreak."

Jeff: "One last question. Did you have any idea as to the true identity of the comissioner, who has now been identified as Howard Porter?"

Troy: "I honestly had no idea. He seems like an upstanding guy. Mr. Porter and Mr. Dorkiman...

...The scene quickly cuts to PHD watching the interview from his secret office.  Suddenly there is a bellowing scream throughout the arena.

PHD:  PROFESSOR Dorkiman!!!

Troy: "...aren't the kind of guys who interfere in fights unnecessarily, eh?"

Jeff: "But they both DID interfere in fights on Sunday. One of them in yours!  Even a donkey brained jackass like yourself can see that, can't ya? 

Troy: "Huh? What fight? What was I doing on Sunday? Darn concussions....."

Jeff:  Back to you two bitches in the booth.

Dave:  Ahem, ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Marx...

Steven:  You know Dave, Jeff reminds me of school in the summertime.

Dave:  Oh yeah?  Why?

Steven:  NO CLASS!!

(The Nah Nah Nah Gonna Have a Good Time!  Theme from the Fat Albert cartoon briefly plays over the PA system)

Dave:  Ok, let's head to the ring for our three-on-three, hell in a cell matchup between sHs and Stewart Hix, Fuel and Hex.

"Dead Bodies Everywhere" by Korn is the them music some pyro shoots off and Stewart Hix walks out lights up his joint and walks to the ring as the fans toss trash at him.)

Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring from Tallahassee, Florida .....STEWART HIX!!!!!!!

("Fuel" by Metallica begins to play on the P.A. system as a figure appears at the top of the runway. Pyro goes off and he makes his way down the runway... It's Fuel. Blue strobe lights circle through out the arena as he steps into the ring. )

Clay Clayborne: His first partner hailing from Toms River, New Jersey........FUEL!!!!!!!

(The lights go down and the arena is bathed in a blue light. The 'Half Face' symbol is projected around the arena like a searchlight. 'Breathe' by Prodigy hits, simultaneously a big explosion of pryos erupts from the top of the ramp and when the smoke clears Hex is standing in the entranceway. With a focused look in his eyes he walks down to the ring and climbs inside. He climbs up onto the announcer's table and salutes the crowd before entering the ring. )

Clay Clayborne:  and their partner.HEX!!!!!!!

Clay Clayborne: and their opponents.............sHs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Somebody Gotta Feel This by Kid Rock blasts over the pa. Naket, Revenant, Chaos and the Flaming One make their way out to the ring.)

Referee Buzz Meacham realizes there are seven men in the ring and commands Chaos to leave.  Chaos leaves the ring but hangs around the ringside area.  A ringside official padlocks the door.  The bell rings and The Flaming One starts the match off against Hex, Flaming One starts with a series of right hands knocking Hex back against the ropes. Flaming One whips Hex in to the ropes but Hex reverses sending the Flaming One in. Hex blasts him with a clothesline. Hex lifts the Flaming one to his feet and slams him down to the mat. Hex follows with an elbow drop. He drags the Flaming One over to the corner and makes the tag to an unwilling Stewart Hix. SH comes in with an elbow drop to the leg of the Flaming One. SH picks up the Flaming One and whips him into the corner and follows with a big knee splash. He brings Flaming One out to the center of the ring and piledrives him into the mat.  SH flings the Flaming One to his corner and smashes his head off the turnbuckle numerous times, then scoops him up and throws him into the side of the cage. He then tags Fuel. Fuel comes in and delivers a series of rapid fire left hands followed by a big right and. He whips the Flaming One into the ropes and charges with a drop kick.

SH pulls a pair of wire cutters out of his trunks and begins to clip the links of the cage around the door.  Chaos see this and starts to run overbut is stopped as the a mixture of boos and cheers reign down from the crowd.  Chaos turns to see what the commotion is and finds himself face to face with Shadowman and The Ultimate Warlord, better know as the Legion.  Both members of the legion grab Chaos by the neck and hit him with a double choke slam, to a mild pop.  Shocked that the crowd would actually cheer them, SM and UW raise their arms triumphantly as they leave the ringside area.  The fans continue to cheer for them, so as they get to the tunnel opening, they turn around once again to acknowledge the crowd.bad move.  The entire NUO emerge with various hand held weapons, such as axe handles, baseball bats, steel chairs and the like and immediately begin to lay waste to SM and UW.

Back in the ring, Fuel has just hit The Flaming One with three successive snap suplexes.  Naket and Revenant are screaming to The Flaming One trying to spur him on to muster the energy for a tag, but he seems to be out of it from all the punishment he has taken.

Stewart Hix finally snips enough links to get the cage door open.  He exits the cage and grabs a chair.  He renters the cage as Fuel holds up the Flaming One and tells SH to nail him with it.  SH rears back, but instead of striking the Flaming One, he waffles Fuel in the head with the chair instead.  Then he turns and throttles Hex in the face.  He leaves the ring, raises his arms triumphantly much to the displeasure of the crowd.  The Flaming One finally crawls over and tags Scott Naket.  Naket comes in and makes an easy cover on Fuel..1..2..3!!!

Winners:  sHs                                                  Time:  4:00

After giving Shadowman and The Ultimate Warlord a sound beating, the NUO charge the ring and quickly overwhelm sHs.  Death Dealer hits Naket with LAST RITES.  Troubled Youth locks an already beating Flaming One in WASTED YOUTH.  Finisher and Irbe hold up Revenant as "The Innovator" Brock Newbludd pounds him in the face with the PCW, the MWF TV Title Belts.  Satisfied with their handiwork, the NUO leave to a mixed reaction from the crowd.

Dave:  Wow!  What a wild match.  Stewart Hix screwed over Hex and Fuel, Shadowman and The Ultimate Warlord laid out Chaos, only to be demolished moments later by the NUO who weren't interested in stopping at demolishing the Legion.  The NUO then entered the ring and demolished sHs!

Steven:  There are bodies everywhere!

Dave:  Yes there are, and with all the chaos we are gonna stay right here rather than do a commercial, as we are ready for the three way dance for the PCW Extreme Title to get underway!

(The lights go out, and a woman's voice is heard saying "Thou Shall Be Written, Thou Shall Be Done" over and over. Then a big pyro explosion hits and "I Disappear" by Metallica goes thru the speakers as out from the back comes the Homicidal One with Singapore cane in hand and Lizzy Borden by his side. As they both walk to the ring HAC lifts Lizzy to the ring apron and hands her the cane. And as HAC stands in front of Lizzy he lifts his arms in the air, and Lizzy lifts the cane in the air. As pyro in the ring explodes.)

Clay Clayborne: Now in the ring, from Kansas City, Kansas......."Homicidal" Anthony Cay!!!!!

(The lights dim, "Big Pimpin" by Jay-Z hits the speakers as pyros shoot off to the left and right of the stage. As the smoke clears, Mack Daddy steps through the curtain and makes his way to the ring.)

Clay Clayborne:  His first opponent from New York, New York, he is the MWF Extreme Champion,  MACK DADDY!!!!!

( "Rock the Party" by P.O.D begins to play. The lights in the arena go out. When the music speeds up, white pyro blasts near the entrance. When they clear the "Future" is standing there. He begins to make his way down the aisle. As he does, similar pyro blasts ignite along the sides of the runway.)

Clay Clayborne: and their opponent, hailing from Boston, Massachusetts, THE PCW EXTREME CHAMPION................RYAN KNOX!!!!!!!

Cay and MD began battling before Knox even reached the ring. Cay and MD traded lefts and rights back and forth. MD got the advantage and whipped Cay into the ropes. MD knocked Cay to the mat with a clothesline. Knox entered the ring and went right after Mack Daddy slamming him down with a big spear. Knox then mounted MD and began pounding him with rapid right hands. Cay then came over and stomped Knox in the face. Cay brings Knox to his feet and whips him into the ropes. He takes Knox down with a big

running lariat. MD then came over and joined in as the two men stomped at the champ. Cay and MD whip Knox in and deliver a double clothesline that drops Knox to the mat. Mack then puts Knox in the piledriver position as Cay leaps of the second rope to deliver a spike piledriver to Knox. Cay covers.................1..................2........MD breaks up the pin....Cay and MD begin trading punches. Cay kicks MD in the gut and DDT's the Mack to mat. 1.................2.............NO!!!! Knox is back up and makes the save........Knox drags Cay to his feet and whips him into the corner. Knox charges with a huge clothesline. he then hoists Cay up in air DESTINY DRIVER!!!!!!!!!!! 1................2.........MD makes the save!!!!!!! He scoop slams Knox and goes for the pin on Cay 1...............2...........NO!! Cay kicks out, MD whips Cay into the ropes and nails a DVD as Cay returns. 1..............2.....NO!!! Knox makes the save. He spikes Mack Daddy into the mat with a powerbomb. He then picks up Cay and gorilla presses him into the air and drops him onto the floor on the outside, then, out of separate sections of the crowd come Brawler and Flying Tiger.  Flying Tiger begins taking a chair to Cay's knee, while Brawler is thumping away on his ribs with a sledgehammer.  The two men stop and look at each other.  Brawler drops his hammer and Flying Tiger drops his chair and the two men begin trading punches and brawl their way to the back.   Mack Daddy charges and clothesline Knox down.

Then "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park hits the PA system.  The lights go outand when they come back on, Sol, Viper and Zynk are in the ring demolishing Mack Daddy with baseball bats.  The referee calls for the bell and rules this match a no contest.

Winner:  No Contest                                        Time:  3:21

Sol, Viper and Zynk continue to thump away on Mack Daddy.  Knox is standing in the ring amused by it all.  Suddenly, Zynk turns to strike Knox with the bat, but Knox blocks it and rips the bat out of his hands.  Sol, Viper and Zynk begin to circle around Knox, who finally backs out of the ring.   Once he is out of the ring the three men left standing in the ring and Knox jaw at each other.

In the background, Stewart Hix grabs HAC, who is still down and carries him over to the announce table. 

Dave:   Get off our table!

Steven:  Oh no!

Stewart Hix flips HAC upside down and piledrives him straight through the announce table.

Steven:  Damn it, you spilled my warm honey-milk!

Stewart Hix walks down the aisle denouncing hardcore and out of the arena.

Finally, Sol calls for a microphone.

Sol:  Heeeellllllo, PCW!  We are Ascendency, and Mack Daddy here, used to be in our little gang back before he got too big for his britches.  Guess he came to down earth tonight.

Sol stalks around the ring and looks out at Knox.

Sol:  And you, you over sized roid enraged freak, I'm putting you and your girlfriend Diamond on notice.  You see, Viper and I form a team called Excession and we are the current MWF Tag Team Title holders, and we heard you had a title shot against those two comic book rejects on Fridayso guess what?  Consider that match a three way dance boys and girls, because Excession just penciled themselves in!

Just as Sol says that a virtual title wave of light pink liquid splashes down from above, covering Sol, Viper, Zynk and Mack Daddy.

Dave:  What the?

Steven:  Look some of that stuff splashed over here.  (there is a sniffing noise)  Smells like those strawberry milkshakes you can buy at McDonalds.

The Jumbotron lights up and Professor Herbert D. Dorkiman appears on the screen with a huge smile on his face. 

PHD:  Would you like some fries with that shake?

He then laughs until snot bubbles come out of his nosethen the Jumbotron goes black.

Steven:  What the hell is going on?

"The Seeker" from The Who hits the PA system and out of the tunnel walks the Phantom Booker, wearing his trademark stocking over his face.  He stops at the tunnel opening and pulls out a microphone.

The Phantom Booker:  All right, I have had about enough of this crap.  This is not South Central LA, people.  What the hell is up with all these gang tactic attacks?   The Roman Empire was out here last week stealing women, the NUO has come in here clubbing down our talent, sHs run around here like they own the place, Now Ascendency is out here making demands and The Think Tank is dumping strawberry milkshake all over our ring.  Not to mention some of the other stuff that I have seen going on

So, here is what I am going to do.  Next month at the PCW Alliance PPV, the main event is going to be a team affair.  Four man teams in fact.  These teams, no matter how many of them there are, will do battle in an elimination style match.   The last team or man standing will earn Heavyweight, Continental, Television and Extreme Title shots do distribute among themselves!

Dave:  WHOA!  That is huge!!!

The Phantom Booker:  Furthermore, the battle ground will consist of three rings, divided by and surrounded by cage walls.  The only way from ring to ring will be to climb to the second tier of the cages then walk along this "upper level" of the cage to the next ring.  So, the following stables should consider themselves booked.

DAMN, The Think Tank, Ascendency, The NUO, The Roman Empire and sHs.  Now, there is NO LIMIT on the number of four man teams, so if the rest of you in the PCW want to get in on this and attempt to earn you and your teammates these title shots, I suggest you begin forming teams now.

So, I hope this will solve everyone's need for bloodlustNow, let me get back to work.  I am sure Big J has put 20 messages in my email box.

He throws down the mic and heads to the back to a huge pop.

Dave:  There you have itFour man teams will go at it at PCW Alliances with the winning team receiving shots at the Heavyweight, Continental, Television and Extreme titles to distribute amongst its team members.

Steven:  I have never heard of such a thing.  So my eternal words of wisdom will never hold more true than in that eventIt is not what you know, but who you know!

Dave:  Well, I won't comment on that.  We need to go to a commercial, and when we return we will witness the PCW debut of MWF Heavyweight Champion "The Scholar" Howard Porter in our Tampex Main Event.  We will be right back.

(Commercial:  Bertha Stewart:  Nothing soaks up the flow like Tampex, especially for a big boned lady like myself.  TampexThe Choice of Bertha Stewart)

Dave:  Ok, we are back.  Let's go to the ring for our Tampex Main Event of the evening.

"Canon in D" Johann Pachelbel hits the PA system as a giant pulsating brain appears on the Jumbotron.  The words "The Scholar" are then slowly written above the brain in gold lettering. "The Scholar" Howard Porter emerges from the back wearing his MWF Championship Belt along with PHD, Nick Taylor and Alan Kriegman.  The quartet make their way to the ring to a mixed reaction.

Clay Clayborne:  Now making his way to the ring accompanied by The Think Tank, hailing from Scottsdale, Arizona, weighing in at 235lbs "The Scholar" Howard Porter!!!

The lights go out and two blue lighting bolts hit both sides of the entranceway. What If by Creed plays and Revenant steps out on to the entranceway wearing a black cloak.  Revenant walks down the ring along with Scott Naket, Chaos and The Flaming One, ignoring the boos of the fans.  Revenant hops in the ring and takes off his black cloak and puts it in the corner.

Clay Clayborne:  His opponent, weighing in at 267lbs, he is the reigning PCW Television Champion, from the Eight Gates of Hell, Revenant!

The referee immediately admonishes the Think Tank and sHs from ringside and sends them to the back.  Once they are out of sight, he calls for the bell.

Revenant takes the early advantage by hurling a huge loogie into the face of Howard Porter and following up with a clothesline as Porter wipes the mess from his face.  Porter rolls over and gets to one knee as Revenant showboats to the crowd.  Porter gets back to his feet and stalks Revenant.  Revenant offers for a test of strength.  Porter declines, and the crowd jeers and throws empty soda cups at him.  Porter reconsiders, and locks up with Revenant.  They both struggle, neither gaining the advantage immediately    Gradually Revenant begins to overpower The Scholar.Revenant pours in some more power, and takes The Scholar down further. Suddenly, Scholar releases and kicks Revenant in the guts, forcing him to exhale and bend over.  Scholar takes Revenant down with a knee lift, and follows up immediately with an arm lock submission hold.   Revenant buckles and kicks, trying to escape.  Revenant makes it to the ropes, and the referee forces Porter to break the hold.   Porter jawjacks the ref, and Revenant stands up, shaking the kinks out of his arm.  They lock up in a collar and elbow, and Porter gets the advantage again, whipping Revenant to the ropes and taking him down with a drop toe hold, followed by an elbow drop to the back of the head.  Revenant protects his head from further damage with his arms, and rolls out of the ring to the floor.  Porter follows, and takes Revenant down with a clothesline, then wraps a microphone cable around his neck and chokes Revenant out.  Porter releases the hold and climbs back into the ring.  Porter stands there, soaking up the boos.   Revenant crawls back into the ring and as Porter arrogantly comes in to attack, Revenant takes him down with a spear.  Revenant starts pounding on Porter's face and ears.   The referee tries to pull Revenant off Porter, grabbing one of his arms and pulling it away.  Revenant turns around to argue with the referee, allowing Porter to slide out from under him and lock him into the Stroke of Genius.  Revenant struggles with the hold, but Porter tightens it.   Seeing that Revenant is unable to escape or move towards the ropes, the referee asks him if he quits, but after 50 seconds in the hold, Revenant passes out.

Winner:  "The Scholar" Howard Porter                              Time:  4.50

Dave: Luckily for Revenant it was a non-title affair.

Steven:  Did I ever mention that Revenant is a piece of filth?

Dave:  Yes, you have.

Suddenly, "Carmina Burana - O'Fortuna" by Orff blares through the PA System, and Kremmen appears on the Tron.

Kremmen:  Hey, Howie.  That's right, up here!  Howie, you can let go of him now, you've made your point.  Revenant of course was stiffed again, this time by a referee, but that is another story.  The real story is this.

Kremmen displays the shiny, gleaming PCW World Title Belt, polishing it with a small cloth.

Kremmen:  Howie, you say this is a cheap imitation?  You can't be further from the truth.  This is the real thing  come and see it in the main event on Friday night as two real men battle for it.   That's right, two real men.  Meanstreak and Kremmen, not Meanstreak and Howie or Kremmen and Howie but Meanstreak and Kremmen.  You should take a close look at Meanstreak, Howie.  He is a shining example of how a challenger should conduct himself.  As for how a Champion should conduct himself, well, one only has to look up at the image you are seeing now.   I'm here at home, preparing for my match, collecting bigger pay cheques than you, and I'm not forced into fighting the TV Champ.  Last week it was Joker, but last week I didn't have this.  This week I take on only the big boys Howie, not the Gimps like you.

Kremmen again displays the shiny, gleaming PCW World Title Belt.

Kremmen:  All that is left for you this week Howie is to find an opponent, that is if you can.  You might not even have enough clout to get into Friday's Card.  Poor Howie.  If you do, knowing how you like to work your way up the ladder, you will no doubt be fighting some lowly ranked contender for the Continental Title.   Learn to live with it Howie, because it is your lot in life!

In the background of the Jumbotron image, Joker can be seen sneaking up on Kremmen with a golden Crowbar.  Just as he is about to swing, Kremmen thrusts back his elbow, cracking Joker in the mouth and Joker falls out of the picture, then the Jumbotron goes black.

Dave:  Well, Kremmen with some strong words for The Scholar.  I am told we are out of time.

Steven:  Wait a minute

A gurney with Joker strapped to it comes racing out of the back, down the aisle and  towards the ring.

Dave:  For the entire PCW staff, I am Dave Kern.  We will see you Friday on Fusion.  Good night everyone!

The show closes as Joker's gurney rolls towards the ring post.  The show cuts to black just before the gurney strikes the ringpostbut we do catch a thud, then crash followed by a moan just before Roller Jam begins.