Tuesday Turmoil for November 14, 2000
Live from The Pyramid in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
The show opens as the members of DAMN, PCW World Heavyweight and Exteme Champion Doug Troy, PCW Continental Champ Frisco and crafty veteran Pgod are shown on the entering the arena. They look pumped. The camera is inside the arena shooting out through an open door way as the trio are about to enter. They are just about to enter the arena, they stop just outside the door way.
Doug: Three golden belts for DAMN baby! Pgod, it is just a matter of time before you score a couple of golden waist adornments for yourself.
Pgod: Yeah, if I can ever get away from this feuding with that jobber Ricky Nakagooka then I can get down to the business grabbin' myself "30 lbs of gold and diamonds."
Frisco: DAMN straight!
The three members of DAMN high five each other and enter the arena through and open door.
Just after they walk past the camera and out of the shot, the imfamous yellow hummer rolls past the open door way...fade to black.
The usual beat driven, burning city opening segment for Turmoil rolls. "Genetic Perfection" Johnny Smith, Chuck Manson, Stephen Blood, The Preacher, Two Ton, Chef, and Bertha are hightlighted.
When the opening ends the cameras whirl around the arena as pyros go off everywhere inside the Pyramid in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The cameras focus in on a couple of very lovely young ladies in the front row holding up a Kid Wonder sign, then the shot changes to show Kordell Stewart sitting in the crowd enjoying the festivities. The mere appearance of Stewart on the Jumbotron causes the crowd to boo and throw things. Finally the camera stops on a guy who is sitting in a lawn chair at ringside.
Dave Kern: Hello everyone and welcome to Turmoil!! I am Dave Kern and alongside me are my partners in crime Jeff Marx and Steven Smith and we are coming to you live from the Pyramid in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Guys, what a card we have tonight! All the titles, with the exception of the Extreme Title will be on the line tonight!
Steven: That's right Dave, but what everyone's talking about is "Who was driving the Yellow Hummer" that ran down Meanstreak and Ryan Knox during Fusion's main event matchup in Buffalo.
Jeff: Well, I am not talking about it.
Dave: Ok, well everyone who is not a total jackass is talking about it!
Dave and Steven high five each other.
Dave: Ok, we have an absolutely jam packed card tonight, and we are going to start it off with a match the promises to be, dare a say, a slobber...
A wicked "SMACK!" cuts off Dave mid word.
Jeff: I hate that word and I hate that fat piece of crap that coined it.
Steven: That word makes me excited.
Jeff: It would, you ass pirate. You should fight a Closet Match against Shadowman.
Steven: I have been in the wrestling business for a long time, but I have never heard of a "Closet Match." What is that?
Jeff: Well, the first person to come out of the closet...
Dave: Alright, that is quite enough. As I was saying, we are going to open the show with a dandy of a match. Four men will go at it for the right to face the newly crowned PCW World Heavyweight Champion Doug Troy in tonight's main event. Let's head to the ring.
"We Will Rock You from Queen" hits the PA system and a goal light begins to whirl as Troy Brown makes his way out of the tunnel dressed in full hockey garb. He raises his stick and arms to meet the incredible crowd pop he is receiving from the crowd...
Jeff: Well, even Troy can be considered a hockey player in Pittsburgh. The Penguins have waddled their way in to last place, probably because that fat ass piece of sh!t Madden is doing their intermission show!
Steven: You are just full of venom tonight!
Troy Brown stands in the entry way with his stick and gloves raised basking in the glow of the goal lamp he was never able to light during his career as a minor league hockey goon. Then suddenly he is speared from behind by Stephen Blood. The two men fall in a heap on the hard metal ramp, with TB taking the brunt of the damage. THE BELL RINGS!!! Blood is first to his feet. He grabs TB by his helmet, rips it off his head and cracks him in the face with it. He immediately follows it with a quick scoop slam and a cover. Referee Speedy Riggs counts.....1....Novak charges from the back.....2.........!!! No! Novak breaks the count!
Steven: Is the match falls count anywhere?
Jeff: Duh!! Did you see the ref counting?
Steven: Yeah...
Jeff: So what does that tell you, Einstein.?
Novak picks up Blood and whips him into the guardrail. Blood's back slams firmly into the guard rail. He grasps at it and collapses. Novak helps TB to his feet. The two Team International Members begin laying the boots, well, boots and skates to Blood. Referee Speedy Riggs steps in and admonishes TB for the use of the skate blades, which have Blood spewing his name sake everywhere. Troy Brown complies, sits down and takes off his skates. Blood is still down and leaking his life giving blood everywhere.
Scott Naket is still nowhere to be found. The Chef comes out of the back flanked by Bertha to a chorus of boos. The camera (and jumbotron) show Kordell Stewart again, and the boos get louder. The Chef pulls out a giant salt shaker and begins to shake salt all over Blood's open wounds, which cause Blood to howl and the crowd to boo more. Bertha gives the crowd the finger, and then a flaming object hits her in the back of the head causing her to go down and her hair to catch fire. The camera focuses in on a flaming turkey coming to a rest in the aisle way that someone must have launched from the crowd. The camera pans through the crowd to show Professor Herbert D. Dorkiman standing next to some sort of electronic catapult. The camera focuses in on him, but there is no audio there. He mouths to the camera (with a huge buck toothed grin)
PHD: (silently) Can you smell what the Doc is cooking?
Scott Naket enters the back of the arena and sees what is happening on the monitor. He begins sprinting towards the entryway with the camera following him. As Naket runs through the back, a man pushing a catering tray is coming towards him. As Naket goes to sprint past the man suddenly pushes the catering truck infront of Naket. Naket slams into the catering truck while running full tilt and he and the cart topple to the ground. Boiling hot split pea soup seers Naket as he is lying on the ground. The camera gets a close up of the "caterer" and it is non-other than Ryan Knox. Knox grabs a near by trashcan and begins to smash it repeatedly over Naket's head.
Meanwhile, back in the arena, TB and Novak are double teaming the wounded Steven Blood. Referee Speedy Riggs is busy sending Chef to the back. Bertha has stopped, dropped and rolled attempting to put our her flaming hair.
The Crowd: Burn baby, burn! Burn baby, burn!
Then there is a sound of a honking horn.
Dave: Oh no!!! It's the hummer again! Look out guys!
The camera focuses on the entryway as a pair of headlights appear. But instead the SUUUUUURGE! Truck appears at the top of the ramp. The truck grinds to a halt and Doug Troy hops out of the driver's side. He runs to the rear of the truck.
Dave: Here it comes! The SUUUURGE shower!
Jeff: I suppose it is better than the golden shower!
Steven: Ah, my college days....
Doug Troy turns a lever on the front of the hose and SUUUUURGE begins to spray from the hose. First he turns the hose on Chef, because he is the closest. Then, being a good samaritan, he uses the SUUUUURGE stream to put out the flaming Bertha. Novak uses the bloody Blood as a human shield while Troy Brown asks someone in the crowd for a cup.
Jeff: Jesus Christ! Troy Brown that dumb?
Dave: (sighs) Even I have to agree with you there.
DT grins and laughs as the four members of Team International slip and slide on the now SUUUUUURGE slicked rampway. Unfortunately, he forgot about the fifth member of Team International. DT backs up to get a better spraying arc and bumps directly into Two Ton. DT turns and looks, but it is too late, as the big man gives DT a forceful double axe handle to the back. DT falls down and drops the hose. Two Ton is poised to hit a standing elbow drop, but then he sees the hose. He looks at the fallen DT who is having trouble regaining his feet on the SUUUURGE soaked stage, then back at the Ever Flowing Hose O' SUUUUURGE! Two Ton shrugs his shoulders, bends down, much to the horror of the fans standing behind him who get a nice view of Mount Crackatoa, picks up the hose and puts it in his mouth! DT crawls away unharmed as Two Ton takes a seat on the stage and sucks on the nozzle of the hose like a hungry calf would suck on the teet of its mother.
Jeff: I have had this dream before, except the hose is replace by Kriegman's wife's nippage.
Dave: Nippage?
Steven: I have had this dream before, but the hose is replaced by....(speed and tone of his voice suddenly changing) eh, nevermind, I have never had a dream of this kind.
Jeff: Lemme finish that sentence. Steven was gonna say Jason Chase's big, fat.....
Dave: WHOA!! Look, a near pinfall!
Novak has tried to cover a bloody Blood.....1.....2....miraculously, Blood musters up enough strength to kick out.
Meanwhile in the back. Scott Naket is shown lying covered in pea soup. Knox is nowhere to be seen. The battered, bloody and scalded Naket struggles to his feet then a hand enters the shot. Naket takes the hand of the unknown ally and begins to get up.
Back in the aisleway, Novak has climbed to the fans side of the guard rail and is brandishing a chair. PCW Security, lead by Security Chief Sandy Spitz has pushed back the fans for their own safety. In the aisleway, Troy Brown is preparing to whip Steven Blood into the guardrail near Novak's location. He spins Blood around and flings him hard into the guard rail. Blood's side slams hard into the guard rail and he clutches at his ribs. To add insult to injury, Novak then levels with a steel chair shot to the face. Blood is out cold.
Both Novak and TB go for the cover, then back away. The seem to be discussing who will make the cover. Two Ton is shown still gorging himself with the sugary, sweatened SUUUUURGE!
Jeff: Jesus, someone cover him already.
Novak and TB engage in a game of Rock, Scissors, Paper, which Novak easily wins by cheating, but TB is too dimwitted to realize it. Novak makes the cover...............but where is the referee? Speedy Riggs is at the edge of the rampway sending the recently extinguished Bertha and The Chef to the back. TB goes to get Riggs, taps him on the shoulder and points to what is going on. Riggs begins to run over to make the count, but slips on the SUUUUURGE soaked ramp and falls. The Naket and a man clothed and masked in black sprint from the back. The black clothed man pulls out what appears to be a pair of nunchucks and pings TB four times in the head, side and legs before he can get his hands up. Naket runs over and breaks the cover on Blood.
Naket and Novak begin trading punches in the aisleway. PCW security has dragged the man in black to the back. Troy Brown tries to charge down the aisle way to help Novak, but slips and slides and SUUURGE slickened ramp. He falls right ontop of the battered Steven Blood. Speedy Riggs lives up to his name and begins to count......1......2......3!!!!
Winner: Troy Brown Time: 11:52
Speedy Riggs calls for the bell. Novak and Naket stop brawling with each other wondering what happened and see the ref holding up Troy Brown's arm. TB is appears to be arguing with the ref about not meaning to pin Blood.
Jeff: He can not be that f^cking stupid can he? Is he actually trying to argue intent with Speedy Riggs?
Dave: Well, no matter what, he is the new Number One contender for the Heavyweight Crown and will face Doug Troy later on tonight for the title. Ok, after all that excitement, let's head to a commercial.
The scene shifts to Two Ton, still sucking on the nozzle of the SUUUURGE hose as the scene heads to commercial.
(Commercial: The following words appear in white print on a on a black screen. In between each set of words, one of the PCW stables is shown. Three rings.....surrounded by a cage......divided by a cage......30 plus men........four title shots......Who can you trust?
"Join Together" from the Who begins to play as a graphic for "PCW Alliances" hits the screen. Then the white letters hit the screen again......Sunday, November 26th, 2000......Live on Pay-Per-View.......Call your cable company today!)
Dave: Ok, welcome back to Tuesday Turmoil!! Wow! What a wild way to start our evening and the craziness is showing no signs of letting up. This just happened moments ago.
The scene changes to show Jason Knight walking through the back. There is a graphic that says "moments ago" in the corner of the screen. He hears a noise behind him, he turns around but sees nothing. He shrugs and turns back around and is immediately pounded in the face with a garbage can. Knight stumbles back, and Trashcan Man is shown to be the culprit. Trashcan Man receives a sizable pop when he appears on the Jumbotron. Trashcan man follows his Trashcan Smash with a kick to the gut and then nails Knight with the Pyrodriver on the concrete floor in the back. Knight isn't moving. Trashcan Man picks up Knight and carries him to a nearby dumpster and tosses him in. Then he shuts the lid and padlocks it shut.
Jeff: Why are people cheering that nonsense. Who cares!
Dave: Why Trashcan Man and Joker will go for the Tag Time titles tonight! Asylum is one of the fastest rising tag teams in the PCW today!
Steven: Yeah, they are pretty good, but no one can beat The Love Inferno?
Dave: Who?
Steven: The team of Bo-ca de-l Inferno and Precious Peter Love.
Jeff: What Steven means, is no team can beat OFF like the Love Inferno!
Dave: (chuckles) Well, there was the Legion!
Jeff: So true, my friend, so true.
The camera shifts to show the guy sitting in the lawn chair again.
Steven: Who is that?
Dave: Why that is a new PCW signee. He goes by the name of Lackostress.
Jeff: If seen his indy tapes. He should be going by the name Lackotalent.
Rock the Party by P.O.D blasts out over the arena.
Dave: What the hell!?!
The crowd rises to it's feet and let's out a huge pop in response to the music. The first chords to the song play. Then when the lyrics begin the a series of white pyro blasts explode into the air. "The Future" Ryan Knox makes his way out. He is wearing his wrestling shorts with the logo "Future" branded on the back. He has on a cut-off gray sweatshirt. He is carrying a mic in his right hand. As he walks down the aisle he smacks the occasional high five with the fans. Knox hops onto the apron and over looks the crowd before entering. He steps through the ropes and makes his way to the center of the ring and stands motionless without his usual flex down. As a series of final pyrotechnics blaze behind him. Knox waits for the crowd to calm itself before speaking)
Knox: Steel City the Future has arrived.... How do you like it!
(Crowd pops again)
Knox: That's what I thought. You know it's been a few weeks since I've grabbed the stick and come out...But what better time than now. With all of the stuff that's been happening the last few weeks It would be really easy to get lost in the mix. But instead of getting lost. I was found! My potential was found. My career was found. Because for two straight weeks I had the privilege of main eventing for the PCW. In my first Main event I was in the four way dance for my at the time Extreme title and Meanstreak's World title. Well on that occasion There was no clear winner. The only thing that was clear is that it hurt to get a 700lb. soda machine dropped on top of you. But it hurts a hell of alot more to have Two Ton drop on top of you. Well needless to say I proved nothing in that match. So one week later the PCW board decided we would do it again. The Future would be in the main event. Same stips same guys.
(counts on his fingers)
Knox: We had the Druid!
(crowd boos)
Knox: We had Doug Troy
(crowd gives a huge pop)
Knox: Meanstreak
(crowd gives a mixed reaction)
Knox: And we had the Future
(crowd pops)
Knox: Well after I whipped the hell out of the Druid and got rid of his ass. There was three of us. DT got his ass thrashed out. And it ends up me and Streak battling it out. Well somehow Streak got me in the position for his move. Well, I am 100% sure that Death's Door was not going to put me out. Regardless, A yellow hummer much resembling the one I repossessed. Comes barreling toward myself and Streak and BOOM!! Lights out for the both of us! DT capitalizes and he gets my belt and Streak's. That would have been fine with me. If it was done like a man. Hey I have no problem with DT except for the fact that he's got gold I want and he got it in a very shaky fashion. But the titles are for another place and at another time. I am here tonight to clear some things up and too get to the bottom of some fishy situations. First, The driver of the Hummer. We have lots of guys running around here saying that they think they know who it is. Hinting toward the idea they may have done it. Well, I don't know about Meanstreak but getting drilled by a truck costing me the belts pisses me the f@@k off! We have Scott Naket running around hinting toward the idea of him being the driver. Well Scott, I've whipped you ass before. So it will be a pleasure to do it again! But see that's why I don't think you were the driver. Your a scared little boy and you know damn well that either one of the one's hit would tear your face off and mail it back to Canada to your momma. So I rule you out, But if you want to go around and play games to raise question go ahead. It does not bother me. Then we have farm leaguer Nate Dumas seen cruising in a similar Yellow Hummer. Well Nate you drive that pretty truck, You drive it straight up your girlfriend's dimpled ass! I know it wasn't you. Then, who could it be? I don't know but I am damn sure going to find out. people are saying they may have just been trying to hit Meanstreak. I really don't give a damn what there purpose was because in the end I got the shaft! So I am going to open up the case files, flip over the unturned stones and look in the closets and under the beds until everyone knows who it was behind the wheel. And the ass beatings will START TONIGHT!!!
(the crowd roars in excitement)
Knox: (In a lower much calm voice) Speaking of tonight and well...and of ass whippings. Myself and Derrik were supposed to defend the tag titles tonight. Well unfortunately folks we still do not know what has happened to my best friend and partner. But what we do know is that.........That thee is a 7 foot 1, 373 pound piece of sh1t in the arena tonight that had something to do with it. Actually being the way he looks. I must rephrase myself, he looks like a piece of dog sh!t after it sits out and dries out in the sun.
(crowd laughs)
Knox: Listen you ghost white, devil preaching moron. I don't know what the hell your problem with me is but I will be glad to end it. You have been stalking me for weeks now. What you want I don't know and why you brought Derrik into it I don't know? but whenever you want I welcome you to come step in this ring.....no...no.......I challenge you to step anywhere and come get you sorry ugly ass whipped! Preacher you stroll around the PCW with your crack feenin like eyes and always have that stench following you. you think that people in the PCW are afraid of you......HELL NO!!! It's simple your just the stinky bastard backstage that no one wants to be near. You remember like when you were in school. You were called stinky nuts? Because you were the dirty one in class and no one wanted to be near you. Well your going to smell alot worse when you sh!t your pants when you finally realize what you have gotten yourself into. Your not crazy, Your not tough, and your not going to cause me to lose the tag titles by doing whatever you did with Derrik.
Knox: Now! In Derrik's absence I have been told that I do not have to defend the PCW titles tonight!
(crowd boo's uncontrollably)
Knox: Wait, wait, But I will. I will gladly come out and whip the living hell out of those two pathetic jobbers that are lined up for me. They call themselves the Asylum! What the hell kind of Asylum is that? I see that they must be crazy to want to enter the ring with yours truly but. I see no true insanity....Wait! I got it. It's an asylum where they lock up the people with all the worst gimmicks and talent. Well Joke and White Trash on the can! Get ready to go back and tell Bastion Booger and the Gobble Gooker all about the ass whipping your going to get tonight. It will be one that will make pounding your head of a padded wall seem like heaven. So i hope everyone gets the theme for tonight. The Future is straight up whipping ass and taking names tonight!
(Rock the Party plays again as Knox leaves the ring)
The scene shifts to the back where Two Ton is still sucking away on the nozzle of the SUUUUURGE mobile's hose.
Dave: Well, the former PCW Extreme champ had a few things on his mind. Ok, we had an opportunity to talk about one PCW newcomer, Lackostess he is up next against another good looking PCW newcomer, Evan Holly.
(LACKoSTRESS gets out of his lawn chair, climbs over the barricade at ringside, and leisurely walks his way up the steel steps to the ring apron. Upon climbing through the ropes, he takes a slow stroll around the ring before leaning back in a corner.)
Clay Claybourne: "Already in the ring, from The Sun Lounge, Australia, weighing in at 256 pounds, LACKoSTRESS!!!!!!!!"
("Breaker, Breaker" by GZA plays as sirens go off and red, white, blue pyro shoots off the stage. Red and Blue lights shoot through the crowd and Holly comes to the ring wearing a pair of sunglasses, which he takes off before the match.)
Clay Claybourne: "Now making his way towards the ring, he hails from Sarasota, Florida. Weighing in at 252 pounds, EVAN HOLLY!!!"
Speedy Riggs calls for the bell to start the match. As soon as it sounds, Holly hauls ass out of his corner and catches LoS off guard. Holly gets in 5 quick hard rights to LoS's cranium. The momentum of the blows drive LACKoSTRESS into the corners. Holly gets on the second rope and starts delivering more blows to the head of LoS. The crowd chants as he connects with the shots..1..2..3..4...5..6..7...8..9..10! Holly tries to get in another shot, but LoS grabs Holly by the legs and slams him down hard to the mat. LoS tries to take advantage of his new found momentum by setting Holly up in a Boston Crab. LoS turns Holly over, but Holly is too close to the ropes and grabs one to stop the hold. Riggs breaks LACKoSTRESS and Holly up. LoS goes back on the offensive immediately, and clamps an arm bar on Holly. After ringing the arm a few times, LoS whips Holly into the ropes. LoS misses with the clothesline attempt as Holly ducks under it. Holly comes off the opposite ropes, and clobbers LoS with a flying forearm. Holly goes for a quick over...1....2......LoS kicks out of it with ease. Holly bounces off the ropes again, this time trying for a cross-body takedown. But LACKoSTRESS catches him in mid-air and starts applying a bear hug. Holly slowly has the strength crushed out of him. Speedy Riggs comes closer to take a look at Holly. Holly's arms are now limp. Riggs lifts his right arm up once......it falls. A second time.............it falls. The third time...........it stops halfway down its descent. Holly gives a couple shots to LoS' upper back to break the hold. After he breaks free, he gives a quick rake to LoS' eyes. He then whips LoS' against the ropes. Holly then scoops up his running opponent and delivers a punishing scoop slam. Holly goes for the cover again. ........1.........2........ LACKoSTRESS JUST gets his shoulder up in time. Holly looks on in some disbelief. He then hits LoS with a few kicks to the ribs. Holly goes up top. He sets up the flying elbow........but LoS moves out of the way in the nick of time. Both fighters get back to their feet after a few seconds of being down. They circle each other as the crowd pops some. They lock up....LoS manages to slap on a wristlock. Holly reverses the hold and applies the lock. He goes to bulldog LoS to the mat. But LoS gets out of the hold as Holly goes down. LoS grabs Holly and throws him down with a snap mare. LoS brings Holly back to his feet. LACKoSTRESS CLAMPS ON THE VINEGAR STROKE!!! Holly tries to hold on. He makes an attempt to worm out of the hold or get to the ropes. Holly finally can take no more and gives up!
Winner: LACKoSTRESS Time: 5:39
Post match, Lackostress leaves the ring, climbs over the barricade and returns to his lawn chair. The Warriors of Justice, Keith Brooks and Shaun Tanner enter the ring to check on their friend Evan Holly.
Dave: Well, that was quite a debut for both men, but Lackostress comes out with the victory.
The arena goes dark and an air raid siren begins to blare. Several spotlights scan around the crowd then finally focus on the entryway and out steps Prisoner 61185. He is dressed in his usual wrestling garb, which consists of cut off, orange prison issue pants, black combat boots and has his trademark white towel draped over his head. He stands in the entryway flanked by PCW Monica Morrison.
Jeff: Uh oh!
The air raid siren stops and the lights go back up.
Monica: Hello everyone, I am here with one of the most dangerous men on PCW's roster, Prisoner 61185. Thank you for granting me this interview 61185.
Prisoner 61185: I always gots me some time to have a chat with a bitch dat looks as good as you.
Monica: Uh, well, thanks, I think
The camera shot closes in on 61185.
Monica: What have you come out here to say?
Prisoner 61185: Evan Holly
The camera shows Evan Holly and the Warriors of Justice in the ring.
Prisoner 61185: You punk ass cracker lookin' motha f^cka! What the hell make you think I would join up with you and yo' merry band of pus$ies?
Prisoner 61185 begins to move down the aisle way towards the ring. Evan Holly and the WoJ aren't sure what he is gonna do. As he walks Monica walks along side of him holding the microphone out for him.
Prisoner 61185: I am a criminal. I have spent most of my life behind bars. My world ain't like the land of mom baking apple motha f^ckin' pies you came from Holly!
Prisoner climbs the ring steps and Monica and a cameraman follow. The Warriors of Justice and Evan Holly stand in the middle of the ring with their arms folded.
Prisoner 61185 looks at "Law" and smirks.
Prisoner 61185: You may stand here with that hard look on yo' face, but you know deep down inside yo' punk ass is squeezing that bladder muscle tight to stop you from pissin' yo' self right now.
The cameraman circles around to get a profile shot of Holly and his friends. Holly motions Monica to bring him the microphone. She holds the microphone close to him.
Evan: You know Prisoner, I reached out to you because I thought Warden Widger's action a coupla weeks back would have shown you that crime doesn't pay. Obviously you time inside has ruined your ability to see right from wrong, so I'll take it you don't want my offer?
Prisoner 61185 puts his hand over his mouth and laughs and beckons Monica to bring the microphone back over.
Prisoner 61185: Say whaaaaaat? Yo' dis is what's up there supa cracka. You can stick yo' offer up that punk ass of yours because Prisoner 61185 don't run with no poodles. What do you have to say to that?
Steven: I don't understand a word he is saying.
Jeff: Where's Argyle when you need him?
Evan motions for the microphone. Monica brings it over, but fumbles it at Holly's feet. She bends down to pick it up, but Holly stops her.
Evan: Here, let me get that for you.
As Evan bends down, Monica gives him an axe kick to the back sending him to the canvas. Simultaneously, the "Cameraman" slams his camera into Order's back sending him rolling out of the ring. Prisoner 61185 hits Law with a huge lariat, which flips him up and over the top rope.
Dave: Oh no! What the hell is going on.
The Cameraman and 61185 begins laying the boots to Holly until Holly rolls out of the ring.
Jeff: Wait a minute! That's no cameraman! That's Jeremy!
Dave: Jeremy, as in MWF Jeremy?
Jeff: Yeah! Jeremy and Prisoner 61185 are back together again! They have reformed Products of the System(voice going monotone) and that is just peachy for the PCW.
Prisoner 61185 grabs the microphone.
Prisoner 61185: Yo' Holly! Listen, this Friday yo' boys Law and Order are gonna be the first PCW victims of Products of the System! Then, next Tuesday, Products of the System will move up the motha fuckin' chain of command of yo' punk ass cracka gang, when yo' and someone I have been wanting to smoke and blow the f^ck away for a long time, Big J, will get the honor of being busted up by the best tag team in the PCW! AWWWWWEEEE YYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Prisoner hands the microphone to Monica.
Monica: Oh, PCW, stick your reporting job up your ass, because I quit! I am now managing full time! If anybody on the PCW wants a manager who can lead you to the top, give me a buzz!
Monica tosses the mic to a ringside official as she escorts Products of the System out of the ring.
Dave: Wow! Products of the System have been reunited and put the entire PCW tag team division on notice! And speaking of tag teams, the PCW World Tag Team Championship is next
Jeff: Well, it is more like a handicap match because one half of the tag champions hasn't been seen for a week!
Dave: That's right! Derrik Diamond has not been seen since he was "abducted" by Preacher. Ok, we are ready to go so let's head to Clay Clayborne in the ring.
KoRn's Blind starts to play on the loudspeakers. As Jonathan Davis bellows "Are you ready?!" over thge loudspeaker an explosion occurs at the entrance and smoke is left covering the entrance. The Joker slowly makes his way down the steel ramp and into the ring. Once in the ring he ignites a joker playing card on fire and climbs a random turnbuckle. He climbs to the top and holds the card above his head while the crowd cheers.
Clay Clayborne:Our next match is for the PCW Tag Team championship. Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada, at a weight of 205 pounds.......THE JOKER
The lights go dim, then take on a flickering reddish cast as "While The City Sleeps" by MC 900 Ft Jesus comes up over the speakers. He carries a lit zippo in one hand, held up high, and a metal trashcan in the other. He walks slowly to the ring, and then flicks the zippo shut and slips it into his pocket. He then will place his trashcan which will normally have a bottle of lighter fluid in it next to the ring steps and then rolls under the bottom rope. He'll then sit in one of the corners, sometimes laughing, sometime twitching, sometimes just staring out into space, depending on his mood.
Clay Clayborne:His tag team partner, from The Dumpster, at a weight of 275 pounds.......TRASHCAN MAN
Knox' entrance theme, "Rock the Party" by P.O.D begins to play. The lights in the arena go out. When the music speeds up, white pyro blasts near the entrance. When they clear the "Future" is standing there. He begins to make his way down the aisle. As he does, similar pyro blasts ignite along the sides of the runway.
Clay Clayborne:Their opponent, from Boston, Massachussetts, at a weight of 300 pounds. he is one half of the PCW Tag Team champions......."THE FUTURE" RYAN KNOX
As Knox gets to the ring apron, someone bolts across the guardrail and cracks him over the back with a baseball bat.. Knox loses his balance and falls from the apron into a waiting back breaker.
Dave: That's the former Primetime Indy Circuit Heavyweight Champion Nate Dumas!
Jeff: Yeah, Knox cost him to lose in his farwell to the PIC!
Dumas picks Knox up and hits him with a wicked looking DDT. Knox is in la-la land. Dumas picks up Knox and rolls him into the ring. The ref rings the bell as Joker and TCM stand there. Dumas points to the downed Knox and begins trash talking as Dumas. Meanwhile in the ring TCM picks Knox up and hits him with the Pyro Driver. TCM covers, 1.........2........No!!!! Knox amazingly kicks out!!! Trashcan Man shakes his head and begins to put the boots to Knox. Nate Dumas is half up the ramp and begins shaking his head then recharges the ring. He slides under the ropes and laying the boots to Knox. Referee Buzz Meacham has seen enough and calls for the bell.
WINNER: No contest
Trashcan Man is infuriated. He begins to jaw at Dumas but Dumas just gives him a cocky smile and exits the ring.
Dave: What the hell! It is almost like Nate Dumas did Knox a favor!
Steven: I sincerely doubt that! Anger probably got the better of him.
Jeff: Thank you Dr. Joyce Brothers!
Meanwhile back in the ring, Trashcan Man continues to pummel an already downed Knox. Joker sets up a table on the outside. Trashcan Man picks up Knox then climbs to the top rope.
Dave: Oh no!! He is going for a top rope Pyrodriver through a table in the ringside area.
Trashcan Man hoists Knox up and tries to flip him around for the Pyro Driverthen Knox gets a sudden burst of energy. He grabs the top rope and gives it a yank, which causes Trashcan Man to crotch himself. Knox then grabs Trashcan Man and presses the 250+ pounder and presses him up to the sky and heaves him over the ropes and through the table.
The crowd: PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!! PCW!!! PCW!!!
The former extreme champ then climbs to the top and executes a guillotine leg drop from the top rope down the the ringside floor.
The crowd pops! : PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!! PCW!!! PCW!!!
Joker comes over and smashes Knox with a chair, which drops him like a ton of bricks. He then unfolds the chair and places Knoxes head between the seat and the back support. Joker climbs into the ring, then to the top rope. He then executes a Senton, onto the chair which has Knox' head inside it.
Jeff: WOW!
Dave: Ouch!
The crowd: PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!!! PCW!! PCW!!! PCW!!!
The bellman keeps ringing the bell as dozens of referees stream out of the back.
Dave: Oh my, things are out of control! We have to head to a commercial! When we return, PHD and Alan Kriegman will take on Supply and Demand! We will be right back.
(Commercial: PCW is brought to you by Hanson's folding tables and chairs. Guaranteed to be the toughest tables and chair on the open market today!)
Dave: Welcome back to Turmoil. Ok, paramedics and cleaning cleared away the debris and bodies from the ringside area and we are ready to go! Let's head to the ring.
Lights flash red and green as "Weird Al" Yankovich's song "I'm Fat" plays over the PA. The floor begins to rumble as Two Ton jogs through the halls of the arena. The rumble grows louder, with dust and pebbles cracking and falling from the walls and ceilings. As he makes his way to the ring, cracks spread below his feet, until he enters the ring, which creaks and bends under his weight.
Clay Clayborne: Approaching the ring, from Baltimore Maryland, he is the Demand of Supply and Demand, Two Ton!!
Hisses, chants, rants, and boos fill the arena as the theme from the hit PBS show "The Frugal Gourmet" plays throughout the arena. The Chef and his lovely valet Bertha Stewart enter the arena and slowly walk down the aisle.
Clay Clayborne: Approaching the ring being led by Bertha, from Paris France, weighing in at 325lbs, The Chef!
The arena's lights go out and a really, really low budget laser show begins to pierce the darkness. Then the theme from the old Dr. Who TV series begins to blare in mono from across the arena's PA system as Professor Herbert D. Dorkiman makes his way out of the back with his arms raised triumphantly showing the crowd the Vulcan "Live Long and Prosper" sign.
Clay Clayborne: Their first opponent, he is a founding member of the Think Tank, Professor Herbert D. Dorkiman!
"Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers hits the sound system of the arena, followed by a chorus of boo's from the fans. Alan Kriegman, in all his maniacal glory, emerges from under the entrance screen and strikes a dramatic (yet comical) martial arts pose at the top of the rampway. He walks down to the ring with a sinister look on his face, grinning with anticipation.
Clay Claybourne: His partner and fellow member of the Brainiacs, from Pleasantville, New Hampshire, weighing in at 230lbs, he is a former Continental Champion, Alan Kriegman!
PHD drops the ladder at ringside and he and PHD charge in. PHD and Chef pair off as well do Kriegman and Two Ton. PHD slides in and ducks a Chef right hand and delivers an eye poke. He then starts working Chef over with a series of open hand, smack like strike to the face of Chef. PHD then kicks Chef to the shin and arm whips him down to the mat.
On the other side of the ring, Kriegman ran right into a bear hug from Two Ton. Two Ton has AK locked tight and begging for air. Kriegman starts punching at the skull of Two Ton. Two Ton holds AK and charges him into the corner. Two Ton backs up and does this again. Kriegman is riving in pain. He is turning color with the lack of air. He starts to get a last burst of energy and claps the ears of Two Ton a series of times. Ton releases the hold. Kriegman runs and begins pounding away at the midsection of Ton with a series of lefts and rights. Ton just giggles them off as he stomach jiggles like a happy Santa. He grabs Kriegman and body slams him to the mat. Suddenly PHD comes from behind Two Ton and kicks a field goal with Ton's balls. Two Ton drops to the mat and lies motionless.
Chef attacks PHD from behind knocking PHD out of the ring. Chef follows out. Chef whips PHD into the guardrail. Chef follows in with a splash onto PHD. Kriegman is up and he goes out and grabs a chair. He speeds over to Chef and decapitates Chef with a tremendous chair shot. Chef drops to the floor.
Two Ton has gotten to his feet and has SLOWLY made his way to the outside. He fishes under the ring for a few moments and pulls out a chain with a pad lock on the end of it. Ton walks quickly toward his opponents and swats PHD across the head with the chain. PHD drops to the ground.
Kriegman has brought Chef up the runway and they are fighting on the stage. Kriegman goes for a suplex on Chef but can't get Chef up in the air. Chef reverses it with a suplex of his own on the stage. Chef gets up and goes through the entrance way. He returns seconds later pushing a desert cart full of weapons. He runs the car toward a slowly rising Kriegman and knocks Kriegman back down. Chef pulls a pool stick off the cart and snaps it over the back of Kriegman. Chef tips the cart over onto Kriegman.
Two Ton has PHD and is choking him with his throat draped on the guardrail. Two Ton backs up and charges toward PHD for a splash but PHD moves. Two Ton lands on the guardrail. The guardrail gives from the awesome weight. Two Ton rolls onto his back laying at the ceiling. PHD grabs a chair and opens it so that the little bar running from leg to leg is resting on Two Ton's throat. PHD stands on the chair and begins jumping up and down on it. He then leaps of the chair and both feet plant into the gut of Two Ton. Ton hunches up in pain as the wind rushes out of his body. PHD bounces off and slams onto the floor.
Chef has a fire extinguisher and he sprays the contents all over AK causing AK to stumble back toward the edge of the stage. Chef charges toward Kriegman with the Extinguisher in hand he takes a swing with it but misses. Kriegman leg sweeps Chef . Chef flies off the stage and onto the sound booth. Sparks fly everywhere and Chef's hat catches on fire. Bertha grabs the fire extinguisher and hoses down Chef.
PHD throws the ladder in the ring. He then searches under the apron for something. He comes back up with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. PHD slides into the ring. He opens the top of the chicken container. Steam pours out of the chicken filled bucket. Two Ton gets to his feet and begins to go toward PHD. He gets to PHD. PHD pulls out a drumstick and gives Ton the bucket. Suddenly PHD drives the hot drumstick into the eye of Two Ton. Ton screams in pain and stumbles away. PHD throws the drumstick into the crowd. He grabs the ladder and rams it into the gut of Ton. PHD sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring.
Kriegman has made his way down to Chef. He grabs Chef and DDT's him to the floor. Kriegman runs over to the damaged sound table. He grabs a loose cord. He wraps it around the throat of Chef and strangles him with it.
PHD goes over to Two Ton and for the second time kicks him low. Ton drops to a knee allowing PHD to lock on the VULCAN NERVE PINCH!!!! It does not seem to work on Two Ton, since he is too fat. The he reaches out with his other hand and goes VULCAN NERVE HOLD WITH THE OTHER HAND!!!!!! The DOUBLE VULCAN NERVE HOLD seems PHD keeps the hold and begins to walk up the ladder. It seems like he was going for the E=MC2 but Two Ton pulled him over into a piledriver from the ladder!
Dave: OH NO!!!! What a bump!
Jeff: Yeah! I hate that Dilbert!
Two Ton begins making his way up the ladder one rung at a time.
Dave: NO!!! Don't do it Two Ton!!!!
Jeff: Do it! Cha cha cha! Do it! Cha cha cha!
The ladder is very shaky and wobbles with every movement. Ton reaches the top but suddenly the right side of the ladder just gives. TWO TON FALLS FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER DOWN........right towards Lackostress who is still lounging in his beach chair!
LackOstress: Oh SHI.........................
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PCW!! PCW!! PCW!!! PCW!! PCW!!
Dave: TWO TON FELL FROM THE TOP OFF THE LADDER ONTO LACK O STRESS ONTO THE FLOOR!!! TWO TON IS DOWN!!!
Jeff: And Lackostress is OUT!!!
Suddenly Chuck Manson zooms down the aisle and zips into the ring. he begins to pummel PHD!!! Howard Porter also comes sprinting out of the locker room. He gets in the ring and eye gouges Manson followed by a DDT! Suddenly Novak comes out from the back and starts trading blows with Porter. They trace back and Forth.
Over near the stage Kriegman is mauling Chef when suddenly Troy Brown runs out and lays Kriegman out with the Slapshot!
Two Ton rolls off a completely flattened Lack O stress
The ref has seen enough! He calls for the bell.
Winner: No Decision
Post match, The Think Tank and Team International continue to brawl until a sea of security and referees stream out of the back and break it up.
Dave: So much for no interference! Let's head to a commercial!
(Commercial: SUUUUUUUUURGE!!! Not just the name of a Swedish Porn star anymore!)
Dave: Welcome back. This has to be one of the most violent nights in PCW history! We are just about ready for our cruiserweight championship. Let's head to the ring.
The lights go out ant the Heavenly Warriors theme blasts over the PS system. Smoke bellows from the entrance way as the Preist, Father Corey emerges! He disrobes and sprints to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope into a praying mantis postion.)
Clay Claybourne: "This match is for the PCW Cruiserweight Belt! Making his way to the ring, from Sao Paulo, Brazil. Weighing in at 225 pounds, FATHER COREY!!!"
(The fans in the arena are going absolutely nuts. They continue to cheer as the beginning of "Bawitdabaw" by Kid Rock plays. The fans start to quiet down as the music builds. Out from the back walks Amanda and Christy and stand at the top of the ramp. As soon as they come out, we hear "MY NAME IS KID!" blare over the PA system. The music then switches over to "Glory" by Sugar Ray as Kid Wonder comes out. He stands at the top of the ramp, puts his arm around Amanda, flashes an arrogant little smirk, then starts to head towards the ring. Once at ringside, Kid Wonder hops up onto the ring apron and holds down the middle rope for the ladies to get in. He follows in right behind them and heads over to the turnbuckle. Wonder hops onto the turnbuckle and gives the fans the Wonder sign. Kid Wonder hops off the turnbuckle and stands in the middle of the ring. Amanda walks up from behind him, takes off his silk jacket, and leaves the ring. Christy follows right behind her. Kid Wonder bounces against the ropes a couple times as he waits for the match to begin.)
Clay Claybourne: "Now making his way to the ring, hailing from Orlando, Florida. He weighs in at 169 pounds. He is the PCW Cruiserweight Champion, KID WONDER!!!"
Buzz Meacham calls for the bell as the match begins. Father Corey and Kid Wonder slowly circle each other They lock up in the middle of the ring. FC shoves KW away into the opposite corner. KW shows a bit of surprise on his face, while FC shows no emotion at all. They move to the center of the ring again. FC tries to lock up, but KW pulls a spin move and gets behind FC. Corey turns around to try and defend himself, but he only catches a boot to the face. KW springs into action quickly, running to the side of the ring where FC is getting up. KW jumps onto the top rope, and fires off backwards with a moonsault, sending FC down hard to the mat. Meacham counts as KW goes for the cover.......1.......2........Meacham breaks the count as he sees that KW's foot is over the bottom rope, the momentum from the moonsault being too great. KW gets up as does FC. Wonder fires off the other ropes trying to clothesline FC out of the ring. But Corey is ready and waiting. He sends KW to the floor outside the ring with a backdrop. FC climbs through the ropes, and Buzz Meacham starts counting. 1......2......3. Father Corey picks up KW with the intention of power bombing him on the hard floor outside. But KW worms his way out and over FC. He grabs Corey from behind and lands an atomic drop. 4......5......6. KW then whips Corey hard into the steel steps. 7.....8. KW throws FC back into the ring and climbs in himself. Father Corey is visibly dazed. KW hits him with a spinning heel kick. KW goes up top....KID WONDER CONNECTS WITH SO WONDERFUL!!! Here's the cover.....1......2.......3!
Winner and STILL PCW Cruiserweight Champion: Kid Wonder Time: 4:12
Kid Wonder stands in the ring and celebrates as "Genetic Perfection" Johnny Smith sprints to the ring.
Dave: What the?
Jeff: What is up with his crotch?!?
The camera focuses on the crotch GPJS's tights which appears to be abnormally huge.
Kid Wonder and GPJS begin jawing nose to nose, then KW gets in a quick kick to the nads. JS doubles over and quickly retreats into the corner. KW follows.GPJS suddenly pulls a sock out of the crotch of his pants. He winds it up and thunks Kid Wonder in the head with it, and Kid Wonder goes down.
GPJS turns the sock inside out and out fall a bunch of rocks.
Jeff: Yeah! I like this guy!
Dave: Gimme a break!
Steven: I feel disappointed.
Dave: About what?
Steven: (abruptly) Nevermind.
GPJS looks at Amanda.
GPJS: You dumped me for this loser! You two deserve each other!
GPJS then tosses his crotch sock to the crowd and exits the ring amidst a mixed reaction.
Dave: OK, we need to go to a commercial. We will be right back!
(Commercial: PCW Alliances.Live on Pay Per View on November 26, 2000. Call your cable company today.)
Dave: Welcome back to Tuesday Turmoil. We are ready for our next match, so let's head to the ring.
(Kano comes out to "Come and Get Me" by Jay-Z. As he comes through the entrance way a huge explosion of pyros, lights, and fire come from the stage. He usually walks calmly and calculated towards the ring. He walks up the stairs and over the top rope.)
Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring, Hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada......JON KANO!!!!!!
("FEEL GOOD" By [(Hed)PE] blasts over the PA system as the spotlight beams twirl around the entrance. Moments later "The Franchise" makes his way from the backstage area to be greeted with a mass of boos and cheers. Pillars of flames explode from the sides of the ramp as he makes his way to the ring. His red and black Armani suit top is slid off and handed to the ringside assistant. )
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, from Death Valley, California..........."THE FRANCHISE" CHUCK MANSON!
The two combatants lock up. Manson gets the quick advantage and scoops slams Kano to the mat. Kano hops right up and is met with a series of rights and hard chops that drive him into the corner. Manson whips Kano across the ring into the opposite corner. Kano stumbles out and Manson takes him down with a charging boot to the face. Manson drops a big elbow onto Kano and goes for the cover. 1.............2....NO!! Manson pulls Kano up and goes to whip him into the ropes. Kano reverses and pulls Manson into a northern lights suplex that tosses Manson over the top to the outside of the ring. Kano goes out and stomps on Manson. Kano picks Manson up and drops him throat first onto the guardrail. 1.........2.............3....Kano whips Manson into the ring apron. Manson stumbles back and is met with a clothesline sending Manson down to the floor....4...........5...........6....Kano scoops Manson up on his shoulder and goes to drive him into the ring post but Manson slides off and shoves Kano into the ring post.......7............8...Manson throws Kano back in, Manson follows. Manson locks on an abdominal stretch on Kano. Kano breaks out with a hip toss. Manson hops up and charges at Kano. Kano scoops him up onto his shoulder and delivers a running powerslam. Cover..1.........2.....NO!! Kano stomps Manson a few times and goes to the second turnbuckle he leaps off for a elbow drop but eats a face fool of boot from Manson. Manson gets to his feet and hoists Kano up onto his shoulder. He delivers a snake eyes on Kano. Manson pulls Kano to his feet. He scoops up Kano and delivers a shoulder breaker. Manson Immediately locks on an arm bar. He pulls and tugs on the lock for several moments. Finally Kano gets to the ropes. He brings Kano too his feet and goes to whip him in but Kano reverses. Kano tries to whip Manson but Manson counters and delivers the Sell Out!! cover...1...............2.......3!!
Winner: "The Franchise" Chuck Manson Time: 3:22
Dave: Chuck Manson remains undefeated here in the PCW with a win over newcomer John Kano. I am being told that our Cal Seaver is standing by with Scott Naket.
Jeff: Jesus, does he STILL getting air time? What is the Phantom Booker thinking?
Dave: (sighing) Let's go to Cal.
(Scott Naket is standing next too Cal Seaver.Around Naket's waist is a PCW Merchandise TVTitle replica. Naket is smiling.)
Cal Seaver: Scott Naket, tonight, you failed in your attempt to win a four corners match for the right to face Doug Troy for the PCW World Title in tonight's main event. But what's on my mind right now is, why are you holding that fake title belt?
Naket: Cal Seaver, don't you look in the PCW Catalog, I mean, this is the PCW Television Title, around the waist of it's rightful owner, and...
Cal Seaver: Uh, I beleive Romulus is still theTV Champ, as he will fight in a four way dancelater on tonight.
Naket: No Cal, you have it all wrong. You see, in my view, Romulus knows nothing, nothing, about television, so why should he hold the TV Title??? That's why, I, Scott Naket am here, to save the title from getting a bad rep, and giving the TV Title a good name, like the Extreme Title had, when it was in my hands.
Cal Seaver: And your thoughts about your match earlier in the evening.
Naket: Well, just another screw job against yours truly. What the hell did I ever do to Knox that he decided to attack me? Well, now I am focused on the TV Title! Now, I have some planning to do! So, choke on that, buffoon!
(Naket walks off. Rev Bob once again appears behind Cal Seaver. Seaver turns around and almost jumps out of his pants. Rev Bob grabs his hand and pulls it towards his face.)
Rev Bob: Naket, just remember what you're here for, remember Naket.
(As quickly as he started, Rev Bob throws the mic down to the ground and walks away.)
Jeff: Whatever.
The scene shifts to DAMN's locker room. Doug Troy is wishing Frisco good luck in his match.
DT: I wish I could go out there with you, but I am gonna stay here to prepare myself for my match with hockey boy.
Pgod: Don't worry, we have your back if something goes down. Now I am gonna head out with Frisco to watch his back.
Pgod and Frisco head out of the room.
DT continues taping his wrists when the door bursts open and in runs Homicidal Anthony Cay. He spears DT into the wall and begins to hammer him with punches. HAC's momentum is stopped by a kick to the jewels from the ever crafty DT, then DT hits him with a face buster. Before DT can do any further damage, security enters the room.
Dave: Wow! Doug Troy and HAC will go at it on Friday in an abandoned store match with the Extreme strap on the line. Ok, let's go to the ring where Frisco will defend the PCW Continental Title against Stewart Hix.
(Dead Bodies Everywhere" by Korn is the them music some pyro shoots off and Stewart Hix walks out lights up his joint and walks to the ring as the fans toss trash at him.)
Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring, accompanied to the ring by Ricky Nakagawa, The challenger hailing from Tallahassee, Florida........STEWART HIX!!
(Can't see me by 2pac plays as Frisco makes his way to the ring.)
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent hailing from Los Cruces, New Mexico, accompanied to the ring by Pgod, he is your PCW Continental Heavyweight Champion.......FRISCO!!!
The bell rings. They locked up in a collar and elbow tie up. Frisco and Hix roughed each other up back and forth then released the lock up. They stood across form each other and locked up again fighting for the advantage. Neither man could get the advantage again. They break the tie up and back off. They suddenly begin trading punches back and forth. Frisco starts to wobble Hix back with a series of rapid fire right hands. Hix seems dazed but then suddenly begins to fire back with rights of his own. The two men lock onto each other and begin blasting one another with a series of hockey like blows. Hix whips Frisco down to the mat and mounts him and him and starts pounding from above with lefts and rights. Frisco rolls Hix over and begins to bring down some thunderous blows. Frisco pulls Hix to his feet by his hair. He kicks Hix in the gut and ddt's him to the mat. Frisco quickly rebounds of the ropes and drops a quick elbow onto Hix. Frisco hooks the leg....1.............2....NO!! Frisco whips Hix into the ropes and tries to take Hix down with a running clothesline. Hix ducks under. Frisco continues his momentum toward the ropes and springboards of the second rope with an elbow to the rebounding Hix. Frisco covers 1.........KICKOUT!! Frisco pounds Hix a few times with right hands then brings him to his feet. He drives Hix into the corner. Frisco pulls back and delivers a stiff knife edge chop. He then takes Hix to the mat by his hair. Frisco hops to the second turnbuckle and leaps off with a leg drop across the throat of Hix. Cover 1...........2......3......NO!!! Hix has his foot on the rope!!! Frisco goes to the top rope. He sits perched waiting for Hix to get to his feet. Hix stumbles a bit and gets to his rubbery legs. Frisco leaps off and goes for a huracanrana but Hix catches him and delivers a sit down powerbomb....1........2............NO!!! Hix pulls Frisco to his feet and delivers a head but. Hix slaps Frisco with a series of chops. Hix sends Frisco into the ropes and delivers a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Hix drops an elbow on Frisco. He gets up and starts to drop one after another. He then finishes off with a leg drop. Cover by Hix...1...........2.........NO!! Hix whips Frisco into the corner hard. Frisco slams in and drops to the canvas with a thud. Hix goes over and stomps away at Frisco. He pulls Frisco up and sets him on the top rope. Hix follows up. He is going for a belly to belly superplex. Frisco knocks Hix away and to the canvas. Frisco stands up and flies through the air and comes crashing down on Hix with a splash. Frisco hooks the leg...1.............2......thre.....NO!!! Hix kicks out. Frisco brings Hix to his feet and whips him across the ring into the corner. Frisco flies in but Hix moves. Frisco thuds in the corner and stumbles backwards into the grips of Hix. Hix flings Frisco back in a belly to back suplex. Frisco does almost a complete flip and lands on the top of his head. Hix goes over and hoists Frisco onto his shoulder and delivers a tombstone piledriver. Hix covers..1..........2......NO!! Frisco kicks out. Hix locks on an arm bar. He brings Frisco to his feet by the arm. He wrenches it a few times. Hix steps over the arm and rolls Frisco up in a La maestri cradle 1.....2.....NO!! kickout. Hix brings Frisco to his feet and goes for the Irish whip. Frisco counters and performs a backslide pin attempt...1..........2.....NO! Hix hops up quickly and goes for a right hand Frisco dodges and locks on a crucifix pin..1...........2....NO!! Hix hops up an goes for a clothesline but misses Frisco ducks under and charges back. Hix ducks only to allow Frisco to go for a sunset flip. Hix drops his knees down across the shoulders of Frisco...1.......2....NO!.......Frisco turns it into a sunset rollup.1.....2..NO!! Hix rolls it over.....1.........2....NO!!! Both men rise to their feet and charge toward one another. Hix delivers a hurricane ddt on Frisco. Cover..1............2........NO!! Hix drapes Frisco on the middle rope. Hix goes off the opposite ropes and comes back with a splash to Frisco's back. Hix goes back over to do it again but stops and starts taunting Pgod. Meanwhile Frisco slowly gets to his feet. Nakagawa goes over and hops on the apron and sprays a green mist out of his mouth into the face and eyes of Frisco. Frisco stumbles back blinded by pain and the mist. Hix locks on the 4:20. The ref goes and admonishes Nakagawa to get of the apron. Pgod shoots into the ring and blasts Hix in the back of the head with a stiff elbow. After breaking the hold Pgod shoots across the ring and high cross bodies Nakagawa off the apron. Both men go to the floor. Pgod grabs Nakagawa and locks on the PGOD PRETZEL!!!!! The ref goes out to try and have Pgod break the hold. Suddenly a commotion takes place in the crowd. Suddenly new PCW signee Jason Dorian hops over the guardrail brandishing a Kendo stick he hops in the ring. And blasts Hix who is looking at the action between Pgod and Nakagawa. Dorian snaps the kendo stick over Hix cranium. Hix drops like a bag of sand. Frisco makes the cover. Dorian leaves the way he came in. The ref turns and see's the cover. he slides in......1.............2................3!!!!
Winner: Frisco Time: 6:17
The camera goes out back, where the someone has spray painted the word "Waga" on the side of BA Bruiser's Harley.
Dave: Well, I don't know what that means
Jeff: Dave, just say what you mean. (Sarcastically) Nice directing there in the back, numbskulls!
Dave: Ok, well, nonetheless, Frisco manages to hold on to the Continental tonight in a hard fought battle. I suppose we will see those two again in the ring real soon.
Jeff: Well, the best Continental Champion, or the equivalent title holder, has to be, my man, Irbe!
Dave: I heard he was fired by the PCW front office along with his NUO stablemate Finisher for no showing at houseshows.
Jeff: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dave: Ok, because of all of the chaos we have witnessed tonight, we are already ready for our four corners match for the Television title. Let's go to the ring.
Hisses, chants, rants, and boos fill the arena as the theme from the hit PBS show "The Frugal Gourmet" plays throughout the arena. The Chef and his lovely valet Bertha Stewart enter the arena and slowly walk down the aisle.
Clay Claybourne: Approaching the ring being led by Bertha, from Paris France, weighing in at 325lbs, The Chef!
Total darkness befalls the arena right before The Preacher degins to walk down the Ramp. Then the theme from the movie The Omen begins to play as The Preacher appears and begins to walk to ringside.
Clay Claybourne: His opponent, from Biloxi, Mississipi, weighing in at 373lbs, The Preacher!
"Nobody's Real" by Powerman 5000 plays over the PA system and Smoke fills the entrance way. The arena lights flash a rainbow of colors around the arena and on the entrace ramp. B.A. steps into smoke from backstage to reveal himself partially to the crowd as the smoke flows upwards. Then with his head down and hands in a fist he stands in the smoke for a few seconds, then steps out and throws his arms in the air as the pyro goes off. He slides into the ring and taunts the crowd.
Clay Claybourne: Their opponent, from Seattle Washington, weighing in at 330lbs, he is a former three time UFW Television Champion, B.A. Bruiser!
B.A. approaches the announcer's table, and deposits the TV Title Belt on it.
B.A.: You guys will look after this for me now, won't you? I'd hate to have to come after you if something happened to it
Trumpets sound a fanfare as the stadium falls into complete darkness. A spotlight lights the entrance to the tunnel as a group of Roman servants(plebians) emerge carrying a chair lifted upon their shoulders. Sitting on the chair is the emperor of the Roman empire, Romulus eating grapes and sipping wine from a gold goblet. He is carried to the ring where the plebians bow before him as he dethrones and prepares to wrestle. He commands the respect of the crowd, and usually becomes agitated when they refuse to show their allegiance to him.
Clay Claybourne: Finally, the defending PCW Television Champion, he hails from Rome, Italy, weighing in at 342lbs, Romulus!
Romulus stands outside the ring, refusing to enter. Referee Speedy Riggs calls for the bell, and Preacher and B.A. Bruiser lock up jockey for position. Preacher stares down at B.A. as they both try to overpower each other, but B.A. doesn't back down from the sight of Preacher's colourless eyes burning into him.
Chef, realising that he has no opponent with Romulus staying outside, rolls out of the ring and confers with Bertha. Bertha looks over at Romulus and launches into a tirade of foul mouthed utterings before going over to him, grabbing him by the hair and dragging him towards the ring. Chef looks on in amusement as Bertha easily lifts the 342 pound Television Champion and tosses him into the ring under the bottom rope. Romulus gets to his feet and immediately starts complaining to the referee about his missing TV Title Belt, and pointing at B.A. Chef re-enters the ring and grabs Romulus from behind by the hair, and pulls him down to the mat, then straddles him and begins pounding on his head and face.
Preacher and B.A., still locked up in a collar and elbow, swap the advantage, leaning up against the ropes, and in and out of each corner of the ring.
Dave: These guys could almost be having a strap match. They are working their way around the outsides of the ring, touching each corner!
Chef gets to his feet, and pulls Romulus up by the hair. Chef whips Romulus to the ropes. Out of sight of the referee, Bertha reaches up and pulls the top rope down, causing Romulus to flip over the top rope and crash to the floor. Bertha drags him over next to the ring, and kneels on his chest, keeping him down and out of sight of the referee. Chef, again having no opponent, looks over at Preacher and B.A., still struggling with each other, and charges both of them, sending the both of the seven footers over the top rope and to the floor.
Steven: Preacher and B.A. have some bad blood happening between them, but Chef just broke the stalemate going on between them by dumping both of them to the floor!
Dave: Wait a second, who's this? Its Naket!
Scott Naket, wearing a replica TV Title Belt, approaches the announcer's booth. Before the three announcers can react, Naket whips off his version of the title belt and takes the real one. He puts it on his waist, buffs it up a little then walks back up the ramp to the back.
Jeff: You are in for it now, Steven!
Steven: Why? B.A. didn't give it to me, he gave it to you!
Dave: Actually, he gave it to both of you to look after
Preacher is first to his feet on the outside, barely. He stomps B.A. a few times to put him back down, and starts climbing back into the ring. He reaches the apron, but is stopped by B.A., who reaches up and grabs him around the ankles. Preacher turns around and starts kicking B.A. away, but is sent flying off the apron over the top of B.A. and crashing into the guard by a shoulder block from Chef. B.A. gets to his feet and picks Preacher up. B.A. walks Preacher over to the announcer's table, past Bertha who is still sitting on Romulus, keeping him down, and smashes his head into the table. Preacher's head bounces off the table, but he recovers quickly and returns the favour by bouncing B.A.'s head off the same table. They each continue ramming the other's head into the announcer's table until Chef leaves the ring and takes them both out with a hard running steel chair shot to their heads. Chef stands over both men as they are sprawled on the floor mats, but they both shrug off the effects of the running chair shot and get to their feet. Preacher and B.A. simultaneously pick up Chef and chokeslam him through the announcer's table, shattering it to pieces, and immediately follow up by attacking each other again. B.A. gets the advantage, forcing Preacher back with a flurry of lefts and rights to the head. Preacher backs into the ringpost. B.A. responds by lining up a huge right to his head, but Preacher ducks and B.A. punches the ringpost. B.A. drops to his knees holding his fist, allowing Preacher to climb back into the ring.
Steven: Production! Can we have a new table here? Also, can someone get Chef off of me?
Jeff: Has anyone seen Romulus for the last 5 minutes?
Dave: He's having a little difficulty getting to his feet right now.
Chef leaves the ring, leaving Preacher in there alone with the referee. Bertha gets off Romulus, allowing him to get to his feet. He starts walking back to the back, waving the match off, but B.A. sees him and gives chase, grabbing him and dragging him back toward the ring.
Bertha sees Chef out to it on the floor and goes over to help him up. Chef doesn't wake up, so Bertha starts yelling and cussing. Chef's face contorts in agony, and he comes to. Bertha drags him to his feet, and sends him back into the ring.
Preacher in the ring is greeted by Romulus, Chef and B.A. entering the ring at the same time. Preacher clotheslines B.A. back out before he can get all the way in, and then follows him out. Preacher locks B.A. in a full nelson, and forces him to look at the Tron, where an image of Mercedes in captivity suddenly appears. B.A. roars, psyching himself up, and manages to break the hold. B.A. heads up the ramp, in search of Mercedes. Preacher follows him, intent on bringing him back to administer some more punishment.
Chef meanwhile is left in the ring with Romulus. Romulus tries to leave again, but Chef grabs him and puts him straight into the Tenderizer Slam, then follows up with the Fillet Mignon! Chef looks around, and not seeing B.A. or Preacher, goes for the pin. Referee Speedy Riggs counts..12.3!
Winner and new PCW Television Champ: Chef Time: 9:45
Chef stands in the ring celebrating and doesn't notice Brock Newbludd enter the ring. Newbludd whacks Chef with a tire iron then turns to Bertha and whacks her too (To huge pop, mind you!) Newbludd continues to work over the Rotund pairthen a man drops from the ceiling via a rope of some kind.
Dave: That's Judas Steele!!!
Steele slips behind Newbludd and catches him with the Judas Kiss. Newbludd is down and out. Steele reaches into his pocket and pulls out what looks to be a picture and tosses it on Newbludd's motionless body.
Dave: Oh no!
Police stream out of the back, but Steele presses a button on his belt and the line he came down on begins to hoist him back up.
The camera gets a close up of the photo Steele left behind, and it is of PCW reporter Tiffany Jennings. Steele is in the picture extending his tongue out to lick something that has been digitized out by the editing crew.
Jeff: Nippage!!!!!
Dave: Shut up!
The camera continues to focus on the disturbing photograph.
Dave: (somberly) Ok, we are going to head to a commercial when we return, we will go to our Tampex Main Event of the evening. We will be right back.
(Turmoil is brought to you by Tampex. Tiffany Jennings has been held by Judas so long, she probably won't need our product, but many of you will!)
Dave: Jeez, even Tampex has become classless.
Jeff: Hey, Tiffany is the one who told the world she uses a uteral dam as a method of birth control AND showed us her ham-lined tacoYeah, she is all class. (sarcasm folks)
Steven: Ham-lined taco? What's that?
Dave: Nevermind that! The world title is on the line. Let's head to the ring.
"We Will Rock You" from Queen hits the PA System and a red goal light whirls as Troy Brown makes his way out of the tunnel and towards the ring. When he reaches the ringside area, he removes his skates and gloves and enters the ring.
Clay Clayborne: Now on his way to the ring, hailing from Toronto, Canada, weighing in at 228lbs, the challenger, Troy Brown!!!!!!!!!
'Brainless' by The Urge blasts the arena with its ska fury as Doug Troy walks out onto the ramp. He looks around, smiles, then throw the sign of the Kliq into the air as he makes his way to the ring.
Clay Clayborne: Now on his way to the ring, he is the PCW World Heavyweight and Extreme Champion, hailing from Omaha Nebraska, weighing in at 230 lbs, Doug Troy!!!!
The ref rings the bell. DT and TB shake hands then begin to circle. The two men then lock up. DT immediately breaks the lockup and executes an arm twist. He maintains the hold on the ex-hockey goon, while slipping behind him and hitting him with a Russian Leg Sweep. DT goes for the cover.1No! TB kicks out and hops to his feet quickly. DT is up. TB begins catches DT with a right hand that sends him reeling. TB follows up with a scoop slam.
Jeff: Troy Brown actually knows a wrestling move?
Dave: Apparently so!
TB goes for the cover.1..DT puts his foot on the rope. Referee Buzz Meacham calls off the count. TB gets up and backs away. DT rolls out of the ring to collect himself. Referee Buzz Meacham begins a 10 count..1.2.34.5.6..DT reenters the ring. The two men circle.
Mouth For War by Pantera suddenly blares over the arena. Doug Troy and Troy Brown both look up at the entranceway as smoke begins bellowing out from under the tron. It comes out in such a mass that the area is nearly impossible to see.
The music continues on for a moment, leaving both the crowd and the inhabitants of the ring in a state of nothing but confusion. The smoke finally stops pouring out as the music continues. Doug Troy looks above him as a rope suddenly cuts through the thick smoke. He examines it and looks back up just in time to receive a boot to the face by the person descending from the wire. The smoke clears around the attacker and the crowd is finally let on as to who the man is. The figure stands there, his arms crossed over his chest. He wears a white trenchcoat, that ends right above the mat. His white gloves hide his hands from view and the mask of the same color covering his face, does the same. The towering man's eyes are surrounded by black paint and contacts adorn his irises, making him look like a man possessed. Doug Troy looks up at the man and shudders in fear. The man turns his head down at DT and presses his black boot down on his chin, smashing his face into the mat. The man clad in all white swats his trenchcoat away from his sides, revealing a turtleneck sweater underneath, also white. He grabs the top rope for leverage, pressing down on the PCW champion's throat. The man pulls DT to his feet just as Troy Brown launches himself onto the huge man's back. The man clad in white wheels around, sending Troy Brown flying from his back. He lifts him up and whips him to the ropes hard. The man grabs Troy Brown under his body and lifts him into the air in a military press. He walks around a moment and then tosses him into the air. The crowd stares in amazement as Troy Brown lands perfectly on the man's shoulders. The man clad in white falls to his side, delivering a DVD on Troy Brown and sending his head crushing into the mat! The figure turns to Doug Troy and tilts his head. Doug Troy stands and charges at the man who catches him hard by the throat. He takes him into the air, grasping him around the throat with his other hand. DT struggles for breath as the man wanders around the the fallen bodies of Troy Brown and the ref. He takes him to the corner and sets him on the top rope. The man points to the sky and hooks Doug Troy's arm around his tree trunk sized neck. He grasps the PCW World champions head under his arm and falls back slowly. Doug Troy's head head springs back from the mat with a sickening thud. He lay motionless from the brainbuster as the man clad in white climbs out of the ring. He walks up the ramp as smoke begins enveloping the arena once more. The crowd stays in a stunned silence as the man turns back to the ring and disappears into the mist.
Both men are down. Chef, Bertha, Novak and Two Ton hit the ring. Novak pulls Troy Brown's body over Doug Troy's. Bertha and the Chef are using smelling salts to revive referee Buzz Meacham. Two Ton sits on Doug Troy!
Dave: NO!!!!!!
Buzz Meacham begins to stir. Frisco and Pgod sprint out of the back. They are followed by Stewart Hix and Ricky Nakagawa. Finally, Alan Kriegman, PHD and Howard Porter come running out of the back. There is mayhem in the ring as 12 men and one she man are mixing it up in the ring. Referee Buzz Meacham calls for the bell.
Winner: No contest
The four groups continue to go at it in the ring then the crowd pops. There is the sound of a car horn honking. The wrestlers look around then to the top of the ramp and the yellow hummer is there reving it's engine. The vehicle flashes its high beams twice.
Dave: We are out of time!! We will see you Friday night at Fusion! Good night everybody.
Turmoil fades to black as the hummer continues reving its engine and flashing it's high beams at the ring.