PCW Tuesday Turmoil for November 28, 2000
From the Reunion Arena in Dallas, Texas
The show opens showing still shot highlights of Alliances. The shots fill the scene in rapid fire succession, basically giving choppy replays of Kid Wonder winning the ladder match to make Shazbot PCW's official soft drink, then showing several highlights of the main event, including Johnny Raindance's spectacular attack on Meanstreak, Meanstreak's subsequent counter attack, then finally Scott Naket rolling up Meanstreak to secure the win for sHs.
The regular show opening for Turmoil begins. Wrestlers highlighted are The Preacher, Scott Naket, Chris Kanton, Stewart Hix, The Chef, then closing with Johnny Raindance and Meanstreak.
The scene shifts inside of Reunion arena in Dallas, Texas. Pyros shoot up from the entryway and the ring posts, then the cameras shoot around the arena. The cameras focus in on several people throughout the crowd, running the gamut of usual people shown at wrestling shows. The shots start with some young kids holding up Meanstreak signs, then some trailer park trash, a couple of Texas twinkies in tight shirts, then finally on the broken down Emmitt Smith and the rag-armed Troy Aikman.
Dave Kern: Hello everyone and welcome to Tuesday Turmoil live from Reunion Arena in Dallas Texas. I am Dave Kern and I am joined by my partners Jeff Marx and Steven Smith. Now fellas, boy de we have a lot of items to review from Alliances
Jeff: Why should we recap anything for those people too damn cheap to plunk down $30 to buy the PPV.
Dave: Well
The sound of Jon Kano's music blaring over the PA system rudely interrupts Dave Kern.
Jeff: It's Kano and he friggin' rules, as you can see.
Dave: He rocks!
Steven: Uh, he's coming this way and he looks pissed!
Jon Kano storms over to the announce table and rips the headphones off of Steven Smith.
Kano: (on Smith's mic) Hey, Marx, you think you are pretty damn funny, don't you. We, let's see how funny you find this!
Jeff: Sh!t!
Kano uses cat like reflexes and lunges across the table at Marx. Marx, tries to escape, but Kano grabs him from behind, then Kanoplexes him onto his own announce chair. Kano looks down at the crumpled and unmoving Marx and spits on him.
Kano: Dan Hollywood, tonight is my night. Get your ass out here and bring my Rising Star Title with you!
PCW Rising Star Champion Dan Hollywood charges out and the two men begin battling in the aisle. The two men begin trading punches and after a heated exchange, DH gets the upperhand. Finally, Kano kicks Hollywood down low. He uses this brief break to enter the ring. After a few moments Hollywood enters the ring. Referee Buzz Meacham calls for the bell Hollywood and Kano lock up in the center of the ring. Kano uses his strength to get the upper hand and push Hollywood down. JK then starts to go to work on DH. He takes DH and whips him into the corner. Kano charges at DH, but DH moves, gets behind him, and rolls him up with a school boy, 1.......2.....Kano kicks out. Both men are quick to their feet and lock up again. Kano once again, gets the upper hand and hits DH with some knees to the sternum. He then takes Hollywood and whips him into the ropes. Kano goes for a big boot but DH slides under it. He then starts to punch away at Kano, but can't knock the big man down. DH then runs off the ropes but JK catches him and hits him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. JK makes an arrogant cover, 1........2......DH kicks out. Kano grabs DH and whips him into the corner hard knocking DH down. Kano slowly walks over and starts to stomp away on Dan. He then picks Hollywood up and whips him into the ropes. Kano grabs DH and goes for a samoan drop, but Hollywood turns it into a crucifix, 1.......2....JK kicks out. Both men get back up. Kano goes to grab DH, but DH kicks him, then drops him with a DDT. DH covers, 1.......2....shoulder up. DH pulls Kano up and goes to whip him into the ropes, but Kano reverses and whips DH right into the ref. The ref goes down but is not out. He is down on the mat though and can't see anything. DH tries to get him up, but can't. Kano uses the time to reach into his tights and pull out some brass knuckles. When DH turns around, Kano nails him, then puts the knucks away. DH's forehead is busted open. Kano grabs the ref and drags him over to where DH is laying. Kano then makes the cover, 1........2........3
WINNER and NEW Rising Star champion:Jon Kano TIME:4:19
Dave: Well, Kano is the new Rising Star Champ, but our colleague Jeff Marx has been carted off by medical personnel.
Steven: I'll never say he rock's again!
Dave: What he did was uncalled for!
Kano is celebrating in the ring, when Lackostress slips over the guard rail with his lounge chair in hand. He slides beneath the bottom rope, and sneaks up behind Kano and slams the chair over Kano's head, then gives him a Russian leg sweep. Kano is down and in la-la land.
Lackostress takes a look at the Rising Star title then calls for a microphone.
Lackostress: Nice belt. Shiny. Bring it on Friday, because I need a good coaster for my brew when I am hangin' out on the beach.
Lackostress tosses the mic to a ringside officially and casually makes his way to the back as he is about to pass through the curtain, he is run down by Bang Davenport riding a Jon Dear tractor. Lackostress staggers to his feet, but Bang jumps off the tractor and drops him with the Bang Thang. He pulls yet another microphone out of his pocket.
Bang: Heee Haw!! Kano sure does rock! Oh, Kano, expect me to be in on your little shindig for that there Risin' Star Title on Friday night!
The crowd pops.
The crowd then boos. Bang Davenport looks around confused, but fails to see Franky the Mook slip behind him wearing an expensive Armani Suit, and weilding a discounted baseball bat. Nonetheless, the bat seems to work fine when he cracks it across the Hillybilly's back. Davenport goes down. The Mook then locks on "Sleeps with the Fishes" on the helpless Davenport. Franky's manager Dominic grabs the microphone.
Dominic: Hey yo! Consider da Mook in on Friday's festivities too!
He throws down the microphone. Franky the Mook releases his hold on Davenport, dusts off his suit and straightens his tie, then the oily duo make their way to the back.
Dave: Whoa! So Jon Kano will defend his Rising Star Title on Friday against Lackostress, Bang Davenport and Franky the Mook. What a wild way to begin Turmoil! We'll be right back!
(PCW: PCW Decimation, live on PPV, Sunday December 17th, 2000. Call your local cable company today!)
Dave: Ok, we are back. The newest member of our reporting team, Sandy Wong is in the back with Ed Novak. Sandy?
The camera shifts to the back to show an adorable looking Asian girl with a microphone in her hand.
Sandy: Thank you, guys. I'm here with the self-proclaimed Most Sadistic SOB in the UFW
Ed Novak: It's really not a self-proclaimed title. I won it in a match against Biohazard and defended it against the Gimp.
Sandy: Right. Ed, after your two disappointing losses on Sunday, and the recent loss of your house, how do you feel?
Novak: Suprisingly good, actually. You see, once I got over the initial shock of being homeless, I've found it to be kinda fun. I mean, I'm certainly not poor
Steven: Well, he does work two jobs.
Novak: I can afford hotels. So I guess that helps. Anyway, now that I'm back with my good pal Anguish and my weapon of choice, Bob, life is good. Sort of. Angy annoys the hell out of me sometimes.
Sandy: Well, Ed, it's good to have you back in front of a camera. You were kind of reclusive for awhile. What was the cause of that?
Novak: While many people have claimed it was because of a video game, it really wasn't. And it wasn't a part-time job at Burger King
Steven: Liar!
Novak: either. In fact, the reason is that I've been travelling the country, visiting several wrestling schools, and telling the students about the dangers of hardcore wrestling. The thing is, by the time I left, they were hitting each other with barbed wire bats. Oh well.
Sandy: I see... Well, Ed, thank you for joining me, and--Novak: Hold on. I just have one thing to say. You see this? [Novak holds up Bob, his barbed wire covered and nail studded chair] This is my weapon. I haven't had it in awhile, and now that Bob is back in my posession, it is hungry. Hungry for blood. And it'll be fed soon enough. Tonight's special is Doug Troy. And Bob may want a few appetizers before then. Adios!
Novak moves past Sandy, and leaves the set. She turns back to the camera
Sandy: Uh, thank you, Ed. Back to you guys.
Dave: Ok, we need to go directly to the ring where Vegita is awaiting the arrival of Miyawaga.
Miyagawa vs. Vegita
Vegita is already in the ring.
The volume goes down in the arena as the first few strands of "Song 2" by Blur begins... suddenly, the vocal's kick in, accompanied by one pyro going off on either side of the door, and then Miyagawa leaps out through the entrance way, and makes his way down to the ring.
Clay:Already in the ring, at a weight of 335 pounds.......VEGITA. His opponent, from Anaheim, California, at a weight of 210 pounds.......MIYAGAWA
As Miyagawa enters, Vegita stomps away on him. Miyagawa crawls toward the corner as Vegita continues to beat on him. He stomps away on Miya as he's slumped in the corner. Vegita then backs off and starts to taunt the crowd. Miyagawa takes the opportunity to pull himself up in the corner. Vegita stops taunting and turns around only to be met by a vicious lariat from Miyagawa. The big man doesn't go down though. Miyagawa starts to punch away at Vegita, but still can't knock him down. Miya then goes to whip Vegita into the corner but Vegita reverses. Vegita then charges at Miyagawa, but he gets the boot up. Vegita staggers back some, then charges again but Miyagawa hits him with a drop toe hold causing his head to hit the bottom turnbuckle. Miyagawa then slaps Vegita in a half crab. Vegita, knowing he's right next to the ropes, grabs them to force the break. Miyagawa backs off as Vegita starts to get back up. Once both men are up, they tie up on the middle of the ring. Vegita hits Miya with a knee to the gut, then another one. He then takes Miyagawa and whips him into the ropes. Miyagawa bounces off the ropes, then Vegita takes him and tosses him over the top rope. The ref tries to stop Vegita from going out, but Vegita doesn't care. he stands on the apron as Miya slowly starts to get up. Once Miya is up, Vegita comes off for an axehandle smash. Miyagawa sees it coming and hits Vegita with a fist to the ribs. Miyagawa starts to stomp away on Vegita as the ref comes out. Vegita slowly moves around on the floor as Miyagawa walks over and grabs a chair. He then walks back over to Vegita as Vegita is on one knee. Once Vegita is up, Miyagawa goes to hit him with the chair. The ref grabs the chair in mid-swing and causes Miya to lose focus. While Miya argues to the ref about it, Vegita takes him down from behind with a lariat. He then stomps away on Miya some before pulling him up and whipping him into the steel steps. The ref tries to talk Vegita into going back into the ring, but it don't work. Vegita walks over to Miyagawa, pulls him up, then lifts him high in the air. Vegita presses him a couple times before effortlessly tossing him back into the ring. Vegita then rolls back into the ring and covers Miyagawa, 1.........2......Miyagawa somehow manages to get a shoulder up. Vegita pulls Miya up and whips him hard into the corner. Miya comes staggering back and Vegita kicks him in the stomach. he then lifts him high into the air and drops him with a brainbuster. Vegita makes the cover again, 1.........2....Vegita pulls Miya up. The ref warns Vegita about that kind of stuff. Vegita lifts Miyagawa high into the air again. He then drops Miya behind him onto his stomach. Vegita drops a big leg on the back of his head before covering, 1..........2......Vegita pulls Miya up again. The ref barks even more at Vegita, but he doesn't give a damn. Vegita pulls Miya up and sets him up for a powerbomb. He has Miya up but Miyagawa is able to reverse it into a facejam. Both men are down as the ref begins his 10 count. As the ref continues his count, Miyagawa is able to crawl over and drape an arm over Vegita's chest, 1........2.....Vegita gets a shoulder up. Both men are slow to get up. Vegita is up first, followed by Miyagawa.
Suddenly, "Wiskey in a Jar" by Metallica Hits the PA system crowd cheers as Ed Novak, armed with Bob, sprints down the ramp. He slides into the ring, and, with his momentum still carrying him forward, rises up and smashes Vegita in the face. The newcomer blinks as blood begins forming a red mask from a dozen scratches of barbed wire. Novak shrugs and hits him again, this time over the head. Vegita falls. The referee calls for the bell.
Winner: No decision Time: 7:16
Ed Novak takes a mic.
Novak: Ahh...nothing like the smell of fresh jobber blood in the evening.
Novak looks down at the bleeding Vegita.
Novak: No hard feelings, man, I just thought that Bob would like to start off with a vegetable platter.
Ed Novak drops the mic, gives the "raise the roof" sign, and heads back up the ramp.
Dave: Ed Novak just ruined what was just shaping up to be a great debut for Vegita.
Steven: Well, Vegita will certainly remember his PCW debut.
There is dead air.
Dave: We are just not as entertaining without Jeff, are we?
Steven: Nope.
As Novak enters the back the camera follows him. He sees Revenant, who is up next, psyking himself up for his Extreme Title shot against Trashcan Man. Novak looks back at the camera, shrugs, then levels Revenant with the Bob. He brings Bob down upon the cave dwelling brooder a half a dozen times, then grabs the Pimply Faced Intern Kid.
Novak: Tell the guys in the truck to cue my music.
PFIK: Right away, sir!
Novak: Maybe I should hit you in the face to exfoliate some of those zits.
PFIK: Uh No thanks! My girlfriend likes my pimples.
Novak: As if you have a girlfriend!
PFIK: I'll tell the guys in the truck.
As the PFIK walks away, he mumbles.
PFIK: (under his breath) Yeah, like guys who talk to chairs and work at Burger King have girls crawlin' all over them. Loser.
("Bad Religion" by Godsmack hits and after seven blaring base chords, yellow pyros go off on both sides of the entryway. Novak appears holding "Bob" (please ask him for the full description) and yells something about it being the wrong entrance music. He stands there with his hands on his hips, then Bad Religion is cut. Whisky in a Jar hits the PA System, Novak then smiles and pumps "Bob" up and down in the air, much to the fan's delight. Then, he runs to the ring, slides in and jumps to his feet, still holding "Bob" above his head.)
Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring at this time. The challenger...........ED NOVAK!!!
Dave: What? Ed Novak is taking Revenant's place? What the hell?
Steven: This is the PCW, where anything goes.
Dave: We really need Jeff to make this broadcast fun and witty don't we.
Steven: Yep.
(The lights go dim, then take on a flickering reddish cast as "While The City Sleeps" by MC 900 Ft Jesus comes up over the speakers. He carries a lit zippo in one hand, held up high, and a metal trashcan in the other. He walks slowly to the ring, and then flicks the zippo shut and slips it into his pocket. He then will place his trashcan which will normally have a bottle of lighter fluid in it next to the ring steps and then rolls under the bottom rope. He'll then sit in one of the corners, sometimes laughing, sometime twitching, sometimes just staring out into space, depending on his mood.)
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, hailing from a garbage unknown to man.....he is the PCW EXTREME HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION....TRASH CAN MAN!!!
TCM and Novak begin furiously trading blows back and forth. TCM gets the advantage of the slugfest. he drives Novak back against the ropes with a series of blows. TCM whips Novak into the ropes and delivers a clothesline. Novak crashes to the mat only to be stomped by TCM. TCM drops to his knees and begins choking Novak. Novak grabs TCM and rolls him over and starts choking TCM. Novak releases the choke and starts pummeling with a series of frantic lefts and rights. Novak pulls TCM to his feet and wails him with a few stiff European uppercuts. Novak scoops TCM up and delivers a tiger driver(juvi driver). Novak rushes to the outside and grabs a steel chair. Novak slides in and opens the chair and sits it upright in the ring. Novak sends TCM into the ropes. He drop toe holds TCM so his face comes crashing down onto the seat of the chair. Novak covers......1...........2.....NO!! Novak gets up and folds the steel chair. He lodges it between the top and second turnbuckles in the corner. He picks up TCM and goes to whip him into the chair but TCM counters and sends Novak crashing into the chair. Novak stumbles out in pain right into the grips of TCM. TCM belly to belly suplexes Novak over. TCM slides to the outside and searches under the ring for something. TCM drags out a table and slides it into the ring. As TCM slides back in he is met by stomps from Novak. Novak lifts TCM up and slams him down hard to the mat. Novak slides out of the ring and grabs his trusty chair "Bob". Novak waits for TCM to raise to his feet. Novak throws the chair at TCM. TCM catches Bob only to have Novak drop kick Bob into TCM's face. TCM drops hard to the mat. Bob slides from TCM's grip and stops on top of the table. Novak starts to make his way over to TCM but looks over at Bob laying on the table. Novak gives a bit of a smirk then shouts.....
Novak: (In a Dudley mocking voice) BOB GET THE TABLE!!!!!
Novak goes over and sets the table up in the ring. He throws Bob on the floor at ringside. Novak puts TCM on the table. Novak goes to the top rope. He leaps off for a leg drop but TCM rolls out of harms way. Novak goes crashing through the table. TCM slowly gets to his feet and picks Novak up to his feet. TCM delivers a series of chops to Novak. TCM grabs Novak by the back of the head and sends him up and over the top rope to the floor. TCM drags Novak up the aisle battering Novak with a series of shots to drive him toward the top of the runway. TCM throws Novak into the metal PCW logo on the stage. Novak smashes into the logo and drops to the runway. TCM goes behind the logo and climbs up on top of it. He looks down on Novak and leaps down going for a body splash onto Novak. Novak rolls out of the way. TCM bounces off the metal stage. Novak runs over and covers TCM.....1...............2...........3!!!
Winner Ed Novak Time: 8:16
Dave: So that is the fourth time in as many programs that the Extreme title has changed hands! Wait ladies and gentleman, Jeff Marx, is making his way to our broadcast position. He's trooper ladies and gentleman.
Jeff: What a pity I missed the Miyagawa and Vegita matchup. I suppose Kano is good for something other than jerking off stallions at the Steven Smith Center for Bestiality Studies.
Steven: (happily) It's great to have you back buddy!
Jeff: Get your hand off my knee, faggot!
Dave: Well, it's pretty clear that Jeff hasn't suffered any head trauma from the Jon Kano attack.
Jeff: Yeah, I even though of a new Kano catchphrase when they were stitching me up.
Dave: What's that.
Jeff: Kano sucks ass!
Dave: Tell us how you really feel Jeff, don't hold anything back.
Jeff: I would rather be locked in an 8' X 10' cell with the 500lb Gorilla for eternity than with Kano.
Steven: Yeah, well of course. The Gorilla has capabilities that...
Jeff: If you finish that sentence I am gonna smack the crap out of you.
Dave: Ok, we need to head to the ring for our next match up. Jake Keeton is already in the ring.
Clay Clayborne: In the ring at this time......JAKE KEETON!!!
("American Badass" By Kid Rock plays as Big J walks down to the ring. Two pyros go off, one garnet and the other black.)
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, hailing from Columbia, South Carolina...........BIG J!!!!
Jeff: Jesus Christ! I came back from injury to call a Big J match. This sucks!
Dave: 8 X 10 cell for eternityBig J or the Gorilla?
Jeff: The Gorilla! No question about it.
Big J and Keeton lock up in a collar and elbow. Big J gets the quick advantage by using his power. Big J quickly scoops up Keeton up and slams him hard to the mat. Big J grabs Keeton and throws him hard into the turnbuckle. Big J follows in with a big splash. Keeton stumbles out, Big J rebounds off the ropes and nails Keeton with a lariat to the back of the head. Keeton crashes hard to the canvas. Big J leg drops Keeton and hooks the leg.......1..........2.......NO!! Big J pulls Keeton to his feet and piledrives him to the mat. Cover.......1..........2....NO!! Keeton sticks the shoulder up. Big J starts to drag a weakened Keeton to his feet but Keeton hits J low. Big J doubles over. Keeton rebounds off the ropes and delivers an axe kick to the back of Big J's head. Big J crashes to the mat. Keeton quickly scampers to the top rope and nails a leg drop to the back of Big J's head. Keeton hooks the leg......1.........2.......NO!! Keeton pulls J to his feet and sends him into the ropes. Keeton takes Big J down with a drop toe hold. Keeton quickly gets to his feet and rebounds off the ropes and elbow drops Big J to the back of the head. Keeton pulls Big J to his feet and whips him into the corner. Keeton runs in and goes for a splash but Big J catches him and slams Keeton down with a running spinebuster. Big J hooks Keeton's leg......1............2......NO!! Big J puts Keeton on the top rope. Big J follows him up. Big J locks Keeton in for the Southtown bomb. Keeton fights out and pushes J off the tope rope to the mat. Keeton perches on the top rope and leaps off with a shooting star press. into a pin..........1.........2...........3!!!
Winner Jake Keeton Time: 3:00
Dave: So Jake Keeton picks up an impressive win over Big J.
Jeff: It's hard not to look impressive against Big J.
Dave: Agreed. Ok, let's head to a commercial.
(Commercial: PCW is sponsored by Shazbot.)
Dave: Ok, welcome back to Fusion. We are just about ready to begin our next match. Let's head to the ring.
Seraph vs. Pgod vs. Joker
"It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)" By REM. Lights go out, pyros flash in sync with the drumline of the song for a few seconds, then Pgod walks to the ring without shaking any fans hands or posing.
Clay:This match is for the PCW Crusierweight championship. Introducing first, from Beloit, Wisconsin, at a weight of 210 pounds.......PGOD
KoRn's Blind starts to play on the loudspeakers. As Jonathan Davis bellows "Are you ready?!" over thge loudspeaker an explosion occurs at the entrance and smoke is left covering the entrance. The Joker slowly makes his way down the steel ramp and into the ring. Once in the ring he ignites a joker playing card on fire and climbs a random turnbuckle. He climbs to the top and holds the card above his head while the crowd cheers.
Clay:His opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada, at a weight of 205 pounds.......THE JOKER
The lights darken to a deep blue as "Zero" by the Smashing Pumpkins blasts through the speakers. A shadow, barely recognizable can be seen in the entrance way. As the shadow walks towards the ring, it is clear that it is none other than Seraph.
Clay:And their opponent, from the Bowels of the Mind, at a weight of 195 pounds. He is the PCW Crusierweight champion.......SERAPH
Both Pgod and Joker double team the champ, then toss him from the ring. Joker and Pgod go over strategy, then Joker bounces off the far ropes. It looks as if he's gonna go for a suicide dive, but Pgod hits him with a vicious clothesline instead. Pgod makes the quick cover. Referee Speedy Riggs makes a quick count, 1....2...Seraph grabs Pgod's leg and pulls him out. Seraph and Pgod start to go at it on the outside. Joker gets up, sees the two men on the outside and seizes the opportunity. He runs off the far ropes, then goes for a flying cross body, over the top rope, down to the floor. Pgod and Seraph see him, then step to the sides and let Joker hit the floor hard. Pgod starts to stomp away on Joker as Seraph pulls the mat away to reveal the concrete floor. Pgod pulls Joker up and tosses him to Seraph. Seraph sets Joker up and goes for a snap suplex, but Joker blocks it. Seraph goes for it again, but it's blocked again. Joker then snap suplexes Seraph onto the floor. Pgod comes charging at Joker but Joker grabs him and hits him with an inverted atomic drop. Joker then takes him down with a lariat. Joker grabs Pgod and rolls him back into the ring. Joker rolls back in himself, then covers Pgod, 1........2.....Pgod gets a foot onto the rope. Seraph gets up on the outside and grabs a steel chair. Joker and Pgod are going at it inside the ring. Seraph tries to re-enter with the chair, but Riggs won't let him. Seraph and the ref fight over the chair. Inside the ring, Joker goes to whip Pgod, but Pgod reverses and sends Joker towards the ropes. Seraph finally decides to let go of the chair. Speedy Riggs' momentum causes him to grab the chair, then fling it back. When he flings the chair back, it hits Joker right in the back of the head. The back of Joker's head is busted open and he's out like a light. Pgod goes up top and hits Joker with the Pgod Special.
Suddenly PCW Continental Champion Stewart Hix, Jake Keeton, Ricky Nakagawa and Homicidal Anthony Cay charge out of the back. The rush the ring and quickly overwhelm the three tired competitors and begin to lay the boots to them. Pgod, being the veteran he is manages to roll out of the ring before absorbing too much damage. The ref has no choice but to throw the match out.
WINNER: No contest. TIME:5:31
Dave: The NUO ruined that match! Pgod was about to win!
Stewart Hix grabs the mic and signals for the NUO music to be cut.
Hix: Now these three men are waste of space on my show, I am the PCW Continental Champion, and I won't allow pieces of trash like those 3 to waste my time, there is only one crusierweight in PCW and that is........
Ricky Nakagawa smiles and steps forward.
Hix:...and that is Jake Keeton
Nakagawa looks puzzled and begins to ask what is going on
Hix: Jake tell him whats up
Jake grabs the mic and begins to speak but instead hits RLN with the microphone, Stewart Hix then levels
HAC with the Continental title belt and both men are knocked out cold
Hix: Now as I was saying Jake is the only cruiserweight in PCW and I'm not asking but telling you, this Friday we want Seraphvs Jake Keeton for the Cruiserweight Title, and hell I'm in a good mood so HAC you got to see MY TITLE up front already so all give you a once in a lifetime shot at the title you piece of hardcore trashsuddenly DAMN members Frisco, Victor Keith and PCW World Champion Doug Troy come rushing from the back causing Hix and Keeton to bug out of the ring.
Frisco grabs the mic left behind by Hix.
Frisco: You giving HAC my title shot? I don't think so
Frisco picks up the unconscious HAC and nails him with the F-Bomb down to the floor on the outside.
Frisco: Awe, look, looks like he's too hurt to go on Friday. I guess that leaves me and you, tough guy!
Frisco and the rest of DAMN then leave the ring to a huge pop from the Dallas crowd.
Dave: Whoa!! So Frisco and Stewart Hix will add another chapter to their rivalry on Friday night! We need to go to a commercial!
(PCW is sponsored by the World Wild Life Foundation (ironically a picture of a koala is shown)
Dave: Ok, welcome back. We are ready to head to the ring for our PCW Television Title Match. Let's head to the ring.
(The lights dim. "Somebody's Gotta Feel This" by Kid Rock hits and blue pyro explodes. The lights return and Scott Naket walks out. He walks down to the ring, and slaps hands with some of the fans. He climbs up and enters the ring. He walks to the center and poses while Jeff Jarrett pyro explodes behind him. He stands and waits for his opponent.)
Clay Clayborne: Now making his way to the ring at this time he hails from Vancouver, British Columbia......SCOTT NAKET!!!!
(Hisses, chants, rants, and boos fill the arena as the theme from the hit PBS show "The Frugal Gourmet" plays throughout the arena. The Chef and his lovely valet Bertha Stewart enter the arena and slowly walk down the aisle. )
Clay Clayborne: His opponent, Now making his way to the ring, he hails from Paris, France. Accompanied to the ring by Bertha...THE PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION.....CHEF!!!
Chef and Naket lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. Chef gets the advantage and drives Naket back into the corner. Chef pulls back and unloads a series of furious lefts and rights to Naket. He whips Naket across into the corner. Naket slams off the turnbuckle and rebounds from the impact and stumbles out toward the center of the ring. Chef charges forward and knock Naket to the mat with a Vader like splash. Chef drops an elbow on Naket and covers....1.....That's all! Chef pulls Naket up and body slams him hard to the mat. Chef goes off the ropes and goes for an elbow drop but Naket rolls out of the way. Chef rolls out of the ring to shake it off. Naket follows Chef out. Naket whips Chef hard into the apron.1..........2.......3... Naket starts to strike Chef with a series of unrelenting right hands. He pounds Chef unmercifully until Chef drops to the floor. .......4..........5...... Naket pulls Chef to his feet and sends him into the guardrail. Chef crashes hard and stays slumping with his arms barely holding him up on the rail. Naket takes a steel chair and sets it up in front of Chef. Naket goes back , turns and runs toward Chef. Naket leaps off the chair and splashes onto Chef......6.......7... Naket falls and quickly recovers to his feet while Chef remains wounded on the floor. Naket slides into the ring to break the count then slides back out. Naket pulls Chef to his feet. Naket picks Chef up and drops him throat first on the guardrail. Naket grabs the steel chair. The ref alarming slides out and grabs the chair from Naket's grips. Naket intimidates the ref back when suddenly Chef spins him around and pokes Naket in the eye. Naket stumbles away trying to regain his sight. Chef grabs Naket by the back of the head and runs Naket head first into the steel post. Naket starts to crumble to his knee's put Chef holds him up and whips him into the ring. Chef slides in and locks an arm bar onto Naket. He drags Naket up by the arm and sends him into the ropes. Chef goes for a clothesline but Naket ducks under. Naket returns and nails Chef with a clothesline. Chef drops hard to the mat. Naket pulls Chef to his feet. Naket turns Chef and sets up for the Hott Drop. Supernova Goes Pop hits the PA system. The lights go down and begin to strobe as Naket stares up at the ramp. The music suddenly stops and the lights slam back to their original brightness. Naket looks around the ring in fear and then turns back to Chef. Chef stands there, motionless, just staring back at Naket. Naket grins and dances gayly around the ring. Naket turns back to Chef, who still stands there. The crown begins laughing at the founder of the sHs as he charges full speed at Chef. He slams into him and smashes him flat to the mat. Literally. Naket raises his face from the mat with Chef in his hands, still staring at him. Naket turns it aside, revealing it to be a cardboard cutout. Naket frowns and punches the cardboard cutout repeatedly. Chef is shown waving at him and laughing from ringside.The last time he brings his arm back, it is grabbed by a fingerless glove. Naket slowly turns back to the owner of the glove and swallows hard. Naket's gaze finally matches that of the man grabbing his arm - Meanstreak.
Jeff: Sucker!
Streak lifts him up into the air by his arm and headbutts him. Naket immediately grabs his face as Meanstreak drops him. The monster moves quickly and grabs his arm and twists it away from his body. He begins laying fists into his face repeatedly. Naket's blood soars through the air, landing both on the ring mat and on Meanstreak's body. After about the fifteenth punch, Meanstreak stops and lifts Naket up over his head. He presses him a couple times and then walks over to the corner. He presses once more and then tosses him onto the ring post. Naket lets out a cry of agony as his chest makes contact with the steel. Meanstreak hops out of the ring and clims the stairs leading to the ring post that Naket is mounted on. He takes his left arm and turns, pulling him with him. Naket struggles, but to no avail, as his body slides off and the side of his head smacks agaisnt the stairs. Knocked out instantly, Naket can't help but be dragged up the ramp as Supernova Goes Pop hits again. Meanstreak disappears behind the curtain with Naket still in his grasp.
Winner: No contest Time: 5:01
Dave: I wouldn't be Scott Naket right now for all the money in the world.
Jeff: I wouldn't be Scott Naket EVER for ANYTHING.
Clay Clayborne: Already in the ring at this time........KRIS "USA" KANTON!!
("Dead Bodies Everywhere" by Korn is the them music some pyro shoots off and Stewart Hix walks out lights up his joint and walks to the ring as the fans toss trash at him.)
Clay Clayborne: And his opponent, hailing from Tallahassee, Florida....He is the PCW CONTINENTAL CHAMPION.....STEWART HIX!!!
Kanton attacks Hix apon his entry to the ring. Kanton works Hix over with a series of rights and lefts. Kanton then whips Hix across into the corner. Hix flips up and over the turnbuckle and catches himself on the apron. Hix sprints across the apron toward the corner to his right. Kanton charges over and tries to catch Hix with a clothesline. Hix ducks under and quickly hops to the top rope. He leaps off and delivers a double axe handle that drops Kanton. Hix quickly mounts Kanton and starts pounding away with a series of rapid rights and lefts. Hix hops up and pulls Kanton up with him. Hix whips Kanton into the ropes. Hix charges toward Kanton and flips him over to the mat with a knee to the gut. Hix covers Kanton........1................2........NO!! Hix pulls Kanton to his feet and hangs him up in the corner in a tree of woe. Hix stomps the upside down Kanton in his face. Hix rushes to the opposite corner then charges back and baseball slides right into the face of Kanton. Hix pulls Kanton off and covers him.......1.............2.......NO!! Hix starts to pull a tired Kris Kanton to his feet when Kanton suddenly delivers a huge uppercut to the family jewels of Hix. Hix crumbles over and is ddtd to the mat by Kanton. Kanton covers Hix.........1...................2........NO!! Kanton grabs Hix and slams Kanton's head off the mat repeatedly. Kanton pulls Hix up and sends him into the ropes Kanton catches Hix and slams him down with a spinebuster. Kanton hooks the leg..........1...............2......NO!! Kanton is frustrated. He whips Hix into the ropes but Hix locks onto the ropes so he does not rebound into harm's way. Kanton charges at Hix but Hix ducks and back body drops Kanton over the top and to the floor. Hix slides out and whips Kanton into the guardrail.1..................2................3 Kanton stumbles out arching his back and dancing in pain. Hix charges forward and drills Kanton with a hard clothesline. Kanton stumbles away a bit and drops to the floor. 4.............5.................6. Hix picks Kanton up and whips him into the ring. Hix grabs Kanton's legs and pulls him over to the ring post. Hix locks in the ring post figure four. The ref slides out and tries pulling Hix' legs away to break the lock. The ref can't get Hix to break the hold......1.........2.................3..........4.....Hix lets go. Hix slides into the ring. Hix delivers a leg drop across the throat of Kanton. Cover........1.............2.....NO!! Hix pulls Kanton up and whips him into the corner. Hix charges in but Kanton uses Hix momentum and hoists him into the air. Hix comes crashing down face first onto the turnbuckle. Hix drops and sits in the corner resting against the turnbuckle. Kanton goes and charges at Hix. Kanton dropkicks the seated Hix right in the face. Kanton hangs Hix throat first on the second rope. Kanton rebounds of the ropes and comes crashing down on the back of Hix. Kanton pulls Hix to his feet and hoists him up and drives Hix head first into the canvas with a brainbuster. Kanton covers........1...........2.......NO!! Hix gets the shoulder up. Kanton pulls Hix to his feet and goes for a scoop slam but Hix slides out the back and slaps on the 4:20 OUT OF NOWHERE!!! Kanton is trying to sneak out of the hold but Hix takes him down to the mat and locks the 4:20 on tighter. KANTON TAPS OUT!!!! HIX CHOKES KANTON OUT!!
Winner: Stewart Hix Time: 9:55
Dave: So, Hix holds on to the title and secures his date with Frisco on Friday night. Ok. We are going to head to a commercial
Jeff: Wait!!!
Supernova Goes Pop hits and the lights turn down. They begin to strobe and just as the instruments come together, Meanstreak appears on top of the ramp, holding the still unconscious body of Naket over his shoulders. The monster makes his way to the ring and heaves Naket up and over the top ropes from the floor. His body slams into the mat and rolls to a stop. Meanstreak climbs into the ring and demands the microphone. The timekeeper goes up on the apron and extends his arm, mic in hand. Meanstreak snatches it and pulls the man and the mic into the ring with him. The timekeeper struggles in panic, the monster not realizing he's grabbed both the mic and the timekeeper's hand. Meanstreak looks down at the flailing timekeeper and moves one of his fingers. The timekeeper slams into the ground and scurries out of the ring. Meanstreak looks back at him like he' a moron and plants a foot on Naket's chest.
Meanstreak: Caught me nother vulture. Scott Naket won the match for sHs at Alliances jus two nights ago...why? Cause he seized a moment to swoop in and make the cover on me while I wasn't payin any attention. I thought Naket woulda known better. Now look at him. His face is covered with his own dried blood...he's sustained a concussion...and guaranteed he's broken some ribs. Ya shoulda jus laid down once me and Gaydance were done, lil Scotty. Ya ain't gonna like whatcha see in the mirror tomorra mornin. Now...speakin of Gaydance...
Meanstreak takes his foot off Naket's body and makes his way to the corner. He leans against the turnbuckle and continues.
Meanstreak: Seraph...Kremmen...Diamond. Those were the three main people I figured would run me down. Seraph had no reason, but he was in that other hummer...and if he had anything ta do with it...I'm sure he'll be avoidin me from now on. If ya do plan on comin fer me again, I suggest ya have yer next hospital room lined with armed guards...and when they see me, they better be shootin ta kill.
Meanstreak pulls his hair back behind one ear and hops up onto the turnbuckle, sitting down.
Meanstreak: Kremmen...had all the reasons in the world. The man I broke down mentally and took down physically that I feuded with over my title that the lil bitch Doug Troy still has slung over his shoulder. I hurt Kremmen enough...made his mind nearly shatter...sent him to a psychiatrist...hit him with a cow...hell, why wouldn't he wanna run me down with a car? But, it wasn't him. Who was there left? I didn't know there coulda been anyone else stupid enough to run me over.
Meanstreak: Diamond had entered my mind as to being the driver...but I thought it'd be impossible since he ran down Knox too. I know it wasn't ya, Diamond...but tell yer buddy, Knox...that if he keeps up the friendship thing...yer gonna be the first one I trample. That's yer warnin.
Meanstreak hops from the turnbuckle and circles around the ring a moment, staring up at the entrance way.
Meanstreak: Who was there left...hmm...never thought the PCW staff would get sooo desperate as ta hire back a man that quit in the past. The lil injun who could. He thinks he can...he thinks he can. Does anyone else think Johnny Gaydance is in his right mind? The man claims ta be a good guy...but hey...tell me this. Why do good guys go round, runnin people over and zappin guys with tasers? Why do good guys get chased by a band of cops and then slam through them? Don't sound like yer the nice redskinned bastard ya like ta think yerself as. Ya can run down as many cop cars as ya like in yer blowjob mobile, but can do ya think ya can run head on into a tank? Hell...at this point...all ya better be doin...is runnin. Ya've done too much fer me to letcha go off on yer merry way. Yer gettin hunted, boyo...and that all starts tanight.
Meanstreak walks over to the body of Naket and kicks it. To his surprise, it reacts, and he struggles to sit up. Meanstreak looks down at him, mic still in hand, and kicks him again. Naket clutches his side and groans in response. Meanstreak crouches to one knee and then brings the mic back to his lips, looking up at the tron.
Meanstreak: So, Johhny boy...ya either watch yer back fer the rest of yer life, or scram from this fed ta leave with yer life. I'm gonan putcha through hell...and I ain't gonna letcha back. I jus hope ya realize that. Yer a dumb bastard...so it may take a lot. Hell...why was it so suhprisin that I got up from whatcha called a hurricanrana from the top of the cage when I was back from bein slammed with a hummer without a scratch on me? All I know is ya better find a method ta take me out quicker. Use a hummer again...and I promise ya...ya won't go back to yer reservation with a beatin heart. See ya in a bit, boyo.
Meanstreak pulls Naket's body over his shoulder and climbs out of the ring. Naket begins flailing weakly over his shoulder as soon as the monster hits the ground outside the ring. Meanstreak gives a look back and growls. He walks back up the stairs to the ring and jumps from the top step. As he does so, he swings his body back to facing the audience, and at the same time brings Naket's head slamming into the ring post. His body goes limp over Meanstreak's shoulder he makes his way back up the ramp.
Doug Troy vs. Preacher
Total darkness befalls the arena right before The Preacher degins to walk down the Ramp. Then the theme from the movie The Omen begins to play as The Preacher appears and begins to walk to ringside.
Clay:This match is for the PCW World Heavyweight championship. First, the challenger, from Biloxi, Mississippi, at a weight of 373 pounds.......THE PREACHER
'Brainless' by The Urge blasts the arena with its ska fury as Doug Troy walks out onto the ramp. He looks around, smiles, then throw the sign of the Kliq into the air. He smiles, then just stands at the top of the ramp. He looks back, then signals for someone to come out.
Marx:What is that DAMN idiot doing?
After signaling for a few moments, a large man wearing all black, including a black trenchcoat, emerges from the entranceway. The fans quiet down a little as the man keeps his head down.
Marx:What the hell?
Smith:Someone that big must definitely have..........
Marx:Shut the hell up you little fruitcake.
The man just stands there for a minute, then lifts his head up. After getting one look at his ugly, scarred face, the fans go nuts.
Kern:It's former PIC star, Dark Gimmick! Why is he with Doug Troy?
Marx:I always knew he was dumb, but this is just plain stupid.
The fans go nuts as Doug Troy makes his way down to the ring with Dark Gimmick.
Clay:His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Dark Gimmick, from Omaha, Nebraska, at a weight of 230 pounds. He is the current PCW Heavyweight champion of the World.......DOUG TROY
Preacher gives DG a dark look. DG responds my grabbing one of DT's "Smackaholics" by the throat, reach his hand down their throat, then ripping out their tonsils. DG then puts them in his mouth and swallows them whole. Preacher stares at him while DT cringes. With DT a little spooked, Preacher hits him from behind to start the match. Preacher pounds away on the lower back of DT, then uses the middle rope to choke the champ. The ref forces Preacher to break the hold, so he does. DT rolls out of the ring and over to DG. He whispers something to the originator of the dark gimmick, then hops back onto the apron. Preacher goes to grab Doug but Doug hops back off. DG then hops up onto the apron. Preacher goes to hit DG but DT grabs his leg and pulls Preacher out of the ring. DG gets off the apron and just stares at the two. DT is punching away at Preacher. He goes to whip him into the steel steps but Preacher reverses it. DT goes crashing hard into the steps. Preacher then picks DT up and drops him, on his neck, onto the guardrail. Preacher then rolls DT back into the ring. He and DG share an evil stare before Preacher walks over to that "Smackaholic". He uses his finger to get some of the blood he's coughing up. He and DG share another evil look before Preacher rolls back into the ring. DT is starting to get up but Preacher just beats on him some more. He then has DT back into the corner. Instead of beating on him, he uses the blood to write "DIE" on DT's chest. He then shouts something at DG before whipping DT hard into the other corner. Preacher comes charging in but DT gets his boot up. Preacher tries charging again, but DT gets the boot up again. DT then starts to punch away, again, at Preacher. DT then kicks Preacher and drops him with a DDT. Doug covers, 1.......2....kick out by Preacher. DT pulls Preacher up and goes to whip him into th corner, but Preacher reverses. He takes DT and whips him right into the ref. Preacher grabs DT from behind and goes for a realease german suplex, but Doug lands on his feet. He then grabs Preacher and hits him with The Take. Doug covers but the ref is out. Out from the crowd comes Derrik Diamond. He comes in with a kendo stick and hits DT with. He continues to pound on DT with it until Preacher is back up.
The camera switches to the back, where Scott Naket's unconscious body is shown laying on the floor. Meanstreak is no where to be seen.
Jeff: Damn, I was hoping Meanstreak would kill him!
DD sees Preacher just as Preacher sees him. Preacher goes to kill DD, but DD slides out of the ring. DD doesn't get very far though until he is grabbed by DG. DD hits DG with the kendo stick but DG no sells it. He then lifts DD high in the air and tosses him about 6 rows deep in the crowd. A whole section of fans is wiped out as DD is out as well. DG goes into the crowd, picks DD up, and piledrives him onto the concrete. Inside the ring, Preacher lifts DT up and hits him with The Last Rites. The ref starts to show some movement but is nowhere near ready to get up. Preacher looks out to see DG kicking DD's ass. Meanwhile, out from the crowd comes Ed Novak with "Bob II". Novak slides into the ring and hits Preacher with his toy. He continues to hit Preacher with it. DG sees this and stops beating DD up. EN, thinking he's done a good job, leaves the ring. Both DT and Preacher are busted open and are not moving. En slowly walks up the ramp. About a quarter way up, he runs into DG. Novak hits DG in the head with "Bob II" but it's no sold. DG then grabs Novak by the throat and chokeslams him onto the ramp. He then rolls Novak off the ramp and onto the concrete floor. DG beats Novak up on the outside while, inside the ring, Preacher and DT start to get up while the ref is still out. Preacher and DT, once up, start to trade punches. DT starts to get the edge. He punches and kicks at Preacher. Preacher tries to stop DT's momentum with a roundhouse punch but DT ducks it. He then grabs Preacher and hits him with The Take again. Now the ref starts to show some movement, but remains down. Out from the crowd now comes Kid Wonder. DT covers Preacher but there is no ref to count. Wonder goes up to the top rope, then flies off and hits DT with So Wonderful. Both Preacher and DT are laid out. Wonder grabs Preacher and rolls him on top of DT. He then slides out of the ring as the ref sees the cover and gets into position. He holds the back of his neck as he makes the count, 1..............2...............3
WINNER and NEW World champion:The Preacher TIME:14:50
After the match, Kid Wonder slowly backs his way up the ramp with a huge smile on his face he turns to survey his handy work in the ring, and in that split second, Genetic Perfection Johnny Smith runs out of the back and levels Kid Wonder from behind with a chair. Crimson blood begins to soak the Teen Idol's golden blond locks.
Meanwhile in the ring, The Preacher gets to his feet and displays his newly won championship belt to the PCW faithful. In Preacher like fashion, the lights go out for a moment, then switch back on. When they switch back on, Alan Kriegman is standing in the ring wearing an all black cat burglar's out fit holding a fire extinguisher. He sprays the extinguisher into the massive holy man's eyes, blinding him, then whacks him in the face with the iron, red tank of the extinguisher, dropping the gigantic Preacher to the canvas and knocking out two of his teeth in the process.
Dave: Oh my God!! All hell has broken loose here at the Reunion arena. I'm afraid we are out of time! We will see you Friday night on Fusion.
Turmoil begins to fade to black with Alan Kriegman laying the boots to Preacher in the ring.then it goes black.
After a moment, it the program comes back on.
Dave: Ladies and gentleman, I am being told there is some activity outside the arena, so we are going to stay right here for the time being.
We see the back entrance to the Reunion Arena. The night sky shines down on a strip of pavement heading into a huge concrete garage. Pacing back and forth in front of the great maw of a garage gate is a man in a bright yellow jacket with "Reunion Arena Security" written on the back. He walks this way and that, constantly resting all of his weight on his back leg, as if he was ready at any moment to turn tail and bolt into that garage like a gopher into it's hole. Sometimes, he shines amag-lite flashlight out, toward the open pavement, and it's bright light is a blade of warmth through the chill twilight.)
(As the guard continues pacing, we begin hear the voice of announcer Dave Kern.)
KERN: Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the back-way garage of the Reunion Arena.
VOICE OF JEFF MARX: What's the mag-lite avenger doing?
KERN: Isn't it obvious? He's patrolling to make sure no... um...uninvited guests get in the building.
MARX: Oh yeah. (Sarcastically) And I wonder who might not be invited.I'm just dying to know who the management doesn't want around.
KERN (laughs gleefully): Yeah, I wonder.
MARX: And I know, Dave, that you're the last one in the world who wants to see that someone get in this building.
KERN: Oh, God forbid!
MARX: I'm sure you wish that security guard the best of luck in keeping that someone out of this building.
KERN: I wish him the wisdom to avoid that someone's big yellow bumper when...
MARX: You mean IF!
KERN: Right. IF that someone shows up and decides to smack the taste out of the mouths of some much-deserving scum bags, it'll be too soon. Not that I'm talking about anyone in particular, though.
MARX: You make me sick, Kern.
KERN: You're a real winner yourself...
VOICE OF STEVEN SMITH: Um guys... do you hear that?
(A very big engine can be heard, and it is close by. The Arena security guy freezes mid-pace and stands in the middle of the gate, holding his little beam of light directly ahead of him so that it makes a long,yellow oval on the ramp.)
KERN: That guard certainly does. He's shaking in his boots. Who could be driving over?
MARX: Oh gee! I wonder!
(The security guard's oval is suddenly disrupted by a huge shape that slides slowly over it. The big yellow Ford Humvee sits, buzzing like anew chainsaw, a few feet from the guard's quivering knees.)
SMITH: Oh my God! It's the Yellow Hummer.
MARX: Didn't you say your nick-name in college was "Hummer?"
SMITH: Mmm... college...
KERN (cutting in.): So how about that big jeep!
GUARD (his voice shaking uncontrollably): U-um, sir! I-I-I-I'm gonna have to ask y-y-ou to leave... please?
(For a second, the guard just stands there, a deer in the Hummer's headlights. Then the Hummer is heard revving itself up... Dumb with fright, the guard stands frozen, until the second rev, when he just bolts out of the cars way. And, as if to say, "thank you kindly," the huge SUV rolls past him and neatly parks in an empty space.)
KERN: Well, we're about to see the man behind the Yellow Hummer's wheel. The one, the only...
MARX (dripping with Irony): Peter Puffer!
SMITH: WHERE?
(The driver's side door of the hummer swings open, and Johnny Raindance steps into the open. In the background, the crowd can be heard going adozen times insane.)
KERN: It's Johnny Raindance! Can you hear the crowd!
MARX: Idiots! He's doesn't even belong here! He doesn't work here!
(Flicking a lock of sable hair away from his sun-glass covered eyes ,Johnny makes his way toward the door to the locker room area. His face is cold, his jaw locked in place. Behind Raindance's back, the security guard is creeping toward the Yellow Hummer, obvious in his intent to peek into the Hummer's open door. Without so much as looking behind him, Johnny reaches into the inside pocket of his worn Bomber jacket, produces a small black device, and points it over his shoulder, causing the Hummer's door to slam shut in the guard's face. Unaware of the security guard's bewildered look drilling a whole in his leather-cladback, Johnny throws open the locker area door and steps inside.)
KERN: Johnny Raindance! Johnny Raindance! JRD is here at the Reunion Arena! We'll be right back! Don't anyone DARE touch that dial!
(Fade to commercial.)
(Turmoil is brought to you in part by Playstation 2, Werewolf: the Apocalypse by White Wolf Games, and Arby's.)
(Fade in on a panning shot of the capacity crowd at the Reunion Arena.The place is just teeming with people, all of whom are on their feet. A quiet buzz emanates through the mass of spectators, and the crowd seems more like a rolling ocean, the way it undulates with the motion of people standing up, scrambling for a better look at the entry ramp.
Signs bob like the sails of galleons over this human sea. Slogans like "Johnny Raindance: The Eagle Has Landed" "Meanstreak sucks" and "Kanton for President," life-size standies of Doug Troy, wave back and forth, up and down with the energy of thousands of anxious people.)
(After a few moments of this, we go to the announce table. Jeff Marx rests his head in his hand, his eyes rolled in disgust, the steam practically issuing from his ears. Steven Smith anxiously stares at the top of the ramp, and an excited Dave Kern looks right into the camera and begins to speak, a mile a minute.)
KERN: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to PCW turmoil! As many of you just witnessed, Johnny Raindance has just now arrived in his infamous Yellow Hummer. That's right, the Son of Thunderbird is right here in the Reunion Arena, and he was last seen headed this way.
MARX: Who does this jerk think he is?
SMITH: A hot piece of...
MARX: Stop right there. For God's sake, please STOP THERE! No, seriously...
SMITH: Hey, I was serious.
KERN: (Laughs out loud.)
MARX: Oh, I give up.
(Suddenly, the crowd explodes like ground zero at a nuclear test site.
)SMITH (his eyes go wide and he begins pointing at the ramp): Look, the ramp! We need a camera on the ramp! Now!
(We see the entryway, where Johnny Raindance appears. He strides out onto the platform and looks around, examining the roaring crowd. He reaches up, takes off his shades and tosses them far to his left. Even above the screaming of the crowd, we can make out the high pitched shriek of the girl who catches them. Allowing himself a momentary smirk, Johnny Raindance walks toward the ring. His brown eyes are eagle's eyes,and the ring is a rodent scampering below, or so it seems by the way Johnny glares at his destination. The arena lights shine off of Johnny's silver belt buckle as he makes his way further down the ramp.)
KERN: Can you believe it? Johnny Raindance at a another PCW event? If it weren't for last night, folks, I wouldn't even believe my eyes.
MARX: I don't want to believe my eyes. He doesn't work here anymore!
(Having reached the ring, Johnny hops up the steps and between the ropes, into the ring. Once in the center of the ring, he undoes the zipper of his jacket and throws it open, revealing a pecs and abs even more toned than we last saw them. The entire female audience seems to squeal as Johnny makes his way to one of the ring post, hops up on a turnbuckle and throws up two Metal signs. Now all the men cheer. Then Johnny cups his hands over his mouth and emits a screech like a great bird of prey, whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Motioning to the ring announcer once, twice, then a third time, this time with command in his movement, Johnny is thrown a microphone and hops down.)
JOHNNY (making his way into the center of the ring, he waits a few second for the crowd to die down, then starts to speak.): I owe you allan explanation. I owe you all some reasoning, some measure of a lookinto my head, to see where I've been for the past few months, and what in the hell could've possessed old White-Hat Johnny Raindance o get behind the wheel of a yellow war machine and mow down wrestlers. Where have I been? I've been fired.
Jeff: As well he should have been!
JOHNNY: I've never been one to make excuses. I fell behind. I failed to live up to my pledge to work my *ss off for this company! Why did I fail? Because I saw that my efforts didn't mean much in a promotion where the bad ran wild and unchecked, the good had their heads in management's fat rear ends. That brings me to the ugly! How ugly, how rancid and disgusting is it for a company defecting from it's father promotion to turn around and merge with that same parent company. Maybe the owners of this company can swallow their pride along with their feet, but I sure can't. So I went silent, and for that I'm sorry. Because, though my motives were just, my means were hollow. Sitting by and waiting for the brass to fire me isn't how I usually operate, and never will be again. But of course, getting fired is no longer a problem for JRD!
MARX: Damn straight! He's already fired! And I hope he never comes back! Who the hell is he to talk about management decisions. I mean, he has yet to prove himself as a good worker as of yet!
KERN: Wait a minute, Jeff.
MARX: I mean a good run in AWS means what? I'll tell youNothing. Welcome to PCW, Tanto, the best wrestling promotion in the world!
KERN: No need to hope, I'm sorry to say.
SMITH: Oh my God, did you see those pecs.
KERN: You know, Steven, I'm pretty sure Johnny's straight.
MARX: Not what I heard.
SMITH: Um... uh... what are you implying?
MARX (desperately trying to change the subject): Oh wow! Look at that! Raindance's is going to speak! Don't see that every day!
JOHNNY: Now why did I come back? Why the Hell did the Son of Thunderbird start driving that Yellow Hummer? Why? Because someone had to do it! Come on, folks! Watch one of our broadcasts. All you see is the bad guys getting over... and over... and over again! What in T-Bird's great wingspan is that? That's not an even playing field. Here you've got guys like Two Ton, who runs around devouring everything, including competition, and no-one does anything! You've got that slimy weasel Kremmen scrambling to dirty up the World Title, scrambling against the biggest, meanest wolf up in this beotch... but more on him later (Heshakes his head, laughing a bit.) Man, oh man! You people wouldn't believe the resounding SQUISH Two Ton's cushy ass made as I wheeled that mean machine right into his gut. Like driving through a big tunnel of Jell-O!
(Laughter issues from the crowd, though there is some booing from the Two Ton faithful)
Kremmen, you remember that Yellow Hummer well. Ryan Knox used it to mow you over a while back. And Meanstreak...(A cavalcade of insane boos.)
JOHNNY: Meanstreak, the Eagle's had his eye on you ever since I gather. No one else represents exactly what I'm opposed to quite as well as you do. You victimize people, you thrive on fear! That's why you've found your niche here in the PCW! Because everyone's afraid of you, from suits in the back offices to the so-called good guys around here. No one will face you down. No one will try to stop you. Sure, a few will try to keep a belt from around your waist, but will they take you head on? Hell no. And that's why I'm here. I'll stand up to you, "Streak!" I'll look you dead in your one good eye, and before you know it, that eye wills well shut tighter than all the balled up hate you carried around in the pit of your soul before they cut your brains up. And don't think that just because I'm not afraid of you, that I underestimate you. Streak, you're bigger than me, you're stronger than me, and you're sure as hell meaner than me. But I'm a lot madder than you, and I've got Thunderbird on my side. Hell, you got up from a two-ton vehicle to the bread-basket, and you got up from a head-scissors off the top of a cage. But I got up too... I got right up from a reverse DVD, like Thunderbird's storms climb up from beyond the Horizon. You call me a vulture? Wrong, Streakie! Like I said before, I'm an Eagle, and I've been circling over your head, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. And vultures, Streakie, vultures wait till their victims are dead. I struck you in your prime, a bird of prey taking a young lion off of the face of a mountain!
CROWD: Thunderbird! Thunderbird! Thunderbird!
Prisoner 61185 is shown raising the roof in the back with a bottle of Thunderbird in his hand.
JOHNNY (putting his hand up again.): So why the Hummer? I mean, I broke a whole bunch of laws, seventeen to be exact. I almost killed a few people. That's not what good guys do! Well I ain't your average good guy. I'm the Son of Thunderbird, and as long as the lightning bolt sets the rotting tree on fire, a few healthy twigs don't matter. And it's not like I really hurt any innocents. In Memphis, no civilian was even touched. Even the security guards and cops didn't have a bruise on 'em.
And another question: Isn't a running people down a bit drastic? Well, what else could I do? There doesn't seem to be a single wrestler in this whole federation with half the guts to stand up for something besides a soft drink! You guys know who I'm talking about! I've got respect for all of you as athletes. Respect you wouldn't even begin to guess at, but until you can turn those senses of humor to some sort of cause that these people give a d*mn about, until you can worry less about shiny gold belts and more about entertaining these people as you go for thegold, until you people can step out of mid-card programs and fight thegood fight, until then... STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!
(Once more, the cheers rise up, echo through the arena, and Johnny lets it all sink in.)
JOHNNY: But hey, I'm not here to make any more enemies. I'm just trying to make the point that what we need in PCW, now more than ever, are some heroes. And I only want to light the fire under some rear ends. If I've come off Holier-than-thou, well, that's how I come off. But I won't apologize. I've been down too many hard roads
Steven: Is he gonna sing the Ally McBeal song?
Johnny: and I'm set to go down yet another one, and I'm not gonna look back. I'm setting my eyes on the horizon and rushing full speed ahead. And in case anyone was wondering ,no, no I don't work for the PCW any more. But it doesn't matter. Just because I can't lace up my boots and hear that "one-two-three" again, that doesn't mean I won't be putting people out for the count. So that's about it. I'll leave you now, and take my place on the Horizon so that the next time you guys look over there, you'll see a great storm of dust and fury headed your way. But don't worry. That ain't no stampede. It's a storm. There's a new sheriff in town, and he's about to rock. Rock you like a Hurricane!
(With that, Johnny tosses the mic out of the ring, and himself hops outand begins making his way inexorably up the ramp. The crowd roars after him.)
KERN: So there you have it! Stronger words were never spoken!
MARX: So what? Who cares! He doesn't work here!
SMITH: I think I'm in love... um... with his beliefs!!
KERN: Johnny Raindance is back, whether management likes it or not!
MARX: Can I get a barf-bag here?
KERN: The Son of Thunderbird is back with a vengeance, and life's gonna get a bit harder to be a bad guy around here! Johnny Raindance! JRD is back!
SMITH: And how!
MARX: Oh shut up!
(Turning to the audience once more, Johnny Raindance throws up the Metal and makes his way into the back. )
The camera continues to follow Raindance until he reaches the yellow hummer. He hops in and begins to pull our of the driving area.
The camera shot changes to show the Son of Thunderbird sitting in the driver's seat of the hummer pulling out onto a busy road. He sees an opportunity to pull out and begins to hit the gas.
The camera angle to behind Johnny and encompasses the entire windshield and rear view mirror And it in that mirror we see something, ever so briefly in the lights of a passing automobile.
Dave: Uh, oh. LOOK OUT!!
Johnny begins to pull out into the intersection, then stops again as on coming traffic is buzzing back and forth along the cross street. Suddenly, the headlights go by again, fulling illuminating the man sitting in the back seat
Meanstreak: Goin' somewhere boy-o?
Dave: OH NO!
Meanstreak throws a cord of some kind around the neck of Johnny Raindance and begins to choke the Sioux Warrior. Raindance instinctively hits the gas, sending the yellow hummer streaking into the intersection.directly into the path of an on coming 18 wheeler!
Dave: NO!!!
The 18 wheeler blows its horn in warning, but it is too late!!! The huge truck slams into the side of the hummer, sending it spinning off the road and into a ditch, out of site of the cameras. From inside the ditch there is some kind of exlosion and the surrounding area is illuminated by flames.
Dave: Oh no!!! NOOOOO!!! We are out of time! We will sort this out on Fusion! Good night everyone!
Turmoil fades to black as flames erupt from the roadside ditch where the yellow hummer went down