Tuesday Turmoil
Live from the RAC, Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey
December 26th, 2000
We open up in a dressing room. Boca Del Inferno stands on a chair and a lady with a tape measures runs it along his arms, legs, and other places around his body.
Lady: Okay love, I got all your measurements. It should fit very tightly.
Boca: Can I see what the suit will look like? I want to try on a sample.
Lady: Sure love. There is one in that change room. Pop it on and I'll tell ya what I think.
Boca enters the change room and fiddles around for a while. A few minutes later, he comes out dressed in a tight white body suit, exposing his bodily shape.
Lady: Very feisty.
The scene fades to black.
The scene opens with a picture of the Tuesday Turmoil logo which slowly fades out and a video clip fades in. We see some events that went down on Fusion and finally, a picture of Meanstreak, just after he re-captured the World Title by obliterating the other three competitors who shared the PCW Dawning Main Event with him. We are now in the PCW arena. Pyros go off from all four ring posts and at the top of the entrance ramp. Turmoil's music blasts over the speakers and the three commentators for the evening make their way down to ringside. The camera focuses on some members of the crowd who hold signs. One says, "I got PCW Alliances for xmas" And another says, "REAM TEAM rules!" The camera shifts to ringside where we greet our three commentators for this evening.
Dave Kern: Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm Dave Kern. I am going tonight by Jeff Marx and Steven Smith for Tuesday Turmoil!
Steven Smith: Did you see what Boca was wearing? What was all that about. I wanna know and I wanna know now!
Dave Kern: Well Steven, as much as I'm sure you enjoyed that opening scene, it's time to get things underway for the evening.
Steven Smith: Oh goodies. Is that Santa match first? I wanna see the REAM TEAM in some Hardcore action, if ya know what I mean...
Dave Kern: Steven, I will take this opportunity to remind you that we have children watching. We don't want to hurt the ratings especially since The Phantom Booker is away. You know how narcy he gets.
Steven Smith: Damn that Phantom Booker! Why if I saw him right now I'd tear him a new --
Dave Kern: Well, at least VP-L isn't in control. Last time he was, he hijacked the show and took it all the way to Melbourne... oh the jetlag!. Anyway, I think it's time we started things here.
"Down with the Sickness" begins to play over the PA as the lights begin to fade out. As the song begins to pick up, a big fireball lights up in the wrestler entrance and a blue hue of light lights up the aisle way. Jeremy appears in the aftermath of the fireball and slowly, eerily walks to the ring, keeping a serious straight face.
Clay Claybourne: The first match of the evening is a Standard Match scheduled for one fall. There will be no time limit. Making his way to the ring, from Elkhart, Indiana, at a weight of 234 pounds, JEREMY "KRAYZIE" HOWARD!!!
The arena lights cut and "Lollypop Porn" by Crazytown slowly start's it's intro as the song gets going a huge pyro explosion erupts from the entrance way and the lights come back on, circling the arena in red and green. Jeremy Howard step's from behind the curtain with a bottle of water. He pours the water over his face as he walks down the ramp-way towards the ring. He slides under the bottom rope and stands in the middle of the ring, takes a mouthful of water and throws the bottle away. He then mounts one of the four turnbuckles, raises his hands to his mouth doing the suicide taunt and spits out the water.
Clay Claybourne: And his opponent, from Detroit, Michigan, at a weight of 220 pounds, SHANE HARDY!!!
The two men lock up in the center of the ring. Both men fight to get an advantage, but neither can. The two men break for a moment, then lock up again. Both men, once again, fight for the advantage, but neither gets it. Both men break again. When they do, JKH gets in a punch to the face of Hardy, staggering him a bit. Hardy holds his face for a second, then they lock up again. For the 3rd time, neither man gets a clear advantage and they break the hold. This time, when they do, Hardy hits JKH with a standing dropkick. Hardy then gets on JKH and starts punching away at him. The ref tells Hardy to break the hold but not before Shane can get in about 5 or 6 solid punches.
Steven Smith: He's cheating! He's cheating! Stop the match!
Dave Kern: Quiet Steven. Just call the match. Don't get all worked up about the small things.
Hardy has the advantage now. He pulls JKH up, and sends him into the ropes. Shane goes for a savate kick but JKH slides under it. When Hardy turns around, JKH gives him a poke to the eye. JKH starts chopping at the chest of Hardy as he backs him into the corner. JKH now starts to punch away at Hardy. He hits him with a few punches, then sends him into the other corner. Hardy slowly staggers out and JKH measures him up. He sets up and goes for a standing side kick but Hardy grabs his foot. JKH then goes for an enziguri but Hardy ducks it. Hardy then grabs both of JKH's legs and goes for a boston crab. He tries turning him but JKH blocks it. Hardy then takes JKH and slingshots him into the corner. JKH's head bounces off the turnbuckle, then staggers back into a schoolboy from Hardy, 1........2.......JKH kicks out.
Dave Kern: We nearly had a winner there folks.
Both men are quickly back up. Hardy is up a tad before JKH, charges, and hits him with a lariat. Hardy makes a cover, 1......2....kick out by JKH. Hardy complains to Speedy Riggs about a slow count, but doesn't lose focus on the match. Hardy sets JKH up for a cradle piledriver. JKH wiggles and wiggles before sliding out of it. He sets Hardy up and drops him with an inverted DDT. JKH covers, 1.......2......Hardy gets a shoulder up. JKH looks a bit surprised but heads to the top.
Dave Kern: Another close call. I can see this match going either way at this stage.
He waits as Hardy slowly gets up. Once Hardy is up, JKH comes off with a missile dropkick but Hardy blocks it and pushes JKH away. As JKH slowly gets back up, hardy runs against the ropes. He bounces off as JKH is back up, then connects with a spinning heel kick. Hardy makes a cover, 1......2.....JKH gets a shoulder up. Hardy signals for the end, pulls JKH up, and pushes him to the corner. Hardy sets JKH up and the top rope, then goes up himself. Hardy sets JKH up for a hurricanrana as JKH looks out of it. The fans are going crazy as Hardy goes for it, but JKH blocks the attempt and Hardy crashes down to the mat. JKH shows an evil grin, then hops off the turnbuckle. He pulls Hardy up, then lifts him up and hits him with the Krayzie Death Drop. Once dropping him, JKH locks on the Krayzie Sleeper. Hardy quickly taps out.
WINNER: Jeremy "Krayzie" Howard
Jeff Marx: The winner of this match, Jeremy "Krayzie" Howard.
Dave Kern: A terrific way to start the evening of this Boxing edition of Tuesday Turmoil.
Steven Smith: I love the holiday season. It means presents!
Dave Kern: Speaking of Christmas, what did you receive as some of your presents yesterday Steven?
Steven Smith: Well I --
Dave Kern: Actually that was probably a bad idea.
Steven Smith: You are so mean to me. Why doesn't anyone treat me like a human.
Dave Kern: Oh dear. Fans, we're off for a break.
Order your copy of PCW Shanghai'ed now and win free Chinese food for a year! (disclaimer: meat products and rice not included)
[We are in the back parking lot at the site of tonight's Tuesday Turmoil. Sandy Wong is standing behind the building with a cameraman as if waiting for someone to arrive. A limo pulls into the back and up close to where Sandy is standing.]
Sandy Wong: "O.K. This is it. Get ready to go live when he gets out."
[Sandy positions herself right next to the limo door and the cameraman turns on the spotlight. The door opens and out steps Mr. Simmons. He immediately pushes both Sandy and the cameraman back a few feet. Next comes the C.E.O. of Greed, Inc. Tyler Nelson.]
S.W.: "Who the hell is this? C'mon, this isn't who I was waiting for."
[Sandy begins to walk away, but Mr. Simmons grabs her by the arm and pulls her over to where Tyler is standing.]
S.W.: "Get your hands off of me, asshole! Who do you think you are? I'll have you know..."
Tyler Nelson: "Mr. Simmons, will you please shut her up."
[Mr. Simmons puts his hand over Sandy's mouth, reducing her to muffled yelling.]
S.W.: "Mmmmph mmm mmmmph.."
T.N.: "I'm ready for my interview now. Turn the camera on."
[The cameraman just looks at Tyler, then at Sandy, then back at Tyler with a stupid look on his face.]
T.N.: "Turn the damn thing on!"
Cameraman: "O.K., man! We're rolling."
[Mr. Simmons grabs Sandy's right arm, which has the microphone in it, and raises it to Tyler's face.]
T.N.: "Ladies and gentlemen of P.C.W., this is Tyler Nelson C.E.O. of Greed, Inc. speaking. I feel honored to be here tonight to partake in the "Santa's Workshop" match. I feel it will be a challenge, but one I should conquer quite easily. The list of participants for this match is breathtaking. So many wonderful athletes..."
[Tyler stops mid sentence and begins to pull at his hair.]
T.N.: "Aaahhh!! That sounds so pathetic. Let me try again. Hey all you middle-class trash, I'm going to kick all of your asses tonight. Mr. Simmons, let's go!"
[With that, Mr. Simmons lets go of Sandy and knocks the cameraman down.]
S.W.: "You assholes! You haven't heard the last...aaahh!"
[Sandy lets out a shriek as Tyler Nelson walks by and grabs her ass on his way inside.]
Dave Kern: We're back with Tuesday Turmoil on this lovely winter's day. During the break Steven calmed down and we can continue with the show.
Steven Smith: I never did lose it Kern. You're a queer.
Dave Kern: I'm a queer...
"Oh Hell Yeah" from the H-Blockx starts to play as Karnage King comes out.
Jeff Marx: The following match is a Standard Match. It is scheduled for one fall. There will be no time limit. Making his way to the ring, from The Firey Pits of Hell, at a weight of 359 pounds, KARNAGE KING!!!
"Total Violation" plays as Violator makes his entrance
Dave Kern: And his opponent, from Mt. Morris, Illinois, at a weight of 275 pounds, THE VIOLATOR!!!
KK is all over Violator as he enters the ring. KK is stomping a mud hole into Violator as he's down in the corner. KK now begins to choke the life out of Violator as the ref, Bob Charlie, steps in. KK grabs Violator and whips him into the ropes, then grabs hi by the throat when he comes back. KK keeps the chokehold on for about 10 seconds, then hits him with a chokeslam.
Steve Smith: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Jeff Marx: Go Karnage King! You're the KING!
KK, feeling that Violator is dead, just places his foot on Violator's chest for the cover, 1........2.... Violator gets his shoulder up. KK has a look of shock on his face.
Jeff Marx: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Steve Smith: YES! Go Violatoy!
KK grabs Violator and sets him up in a powerbomb position.
Steve Smith: Violator has a nice ass
KK goes for a powerbomb but Violator blocks it. KK tries it again but Violator blocks it again. Violator then gets out of the position and hits KK with his version of the Nutcracker.
Steve Smith: Why won't he do that to me?
Jeff Marx: Shut up jackass!
While KK is doubled over, Violator hits him with the Violating Death Drop. Violator makes the cover, hooking both legs, 1.........2.........3.
Steve Smith: YES! He did it! He won his first match!
Jeff Marx: This will go down as the saddest day in PCW history.
WINNER: The Violator
Jeff Marx: The winner of this match, The Violator.
Dave Kern: Well, I'm sure that you all enjoyed that colorful commentary by Steven and Jeff during that match.
Steven Smith: Hey, just cause you were lost for words doesn't mean that we still can't do our job.
Dave Kern: Bu--
Steven Smith: No, don't go making excuses for yourself now Kern. You suck, admit it. You always have and always will.
Dave Kern: Okay. Let's keep things moving. Coming up now, the Rising Star Title Match!
Archangel appears at ringside and walks over to the commentary position, picks up a set of head phone and sits down.
Dave Kern: It seems we have been joined by Archangel for this match. Welcome Mr. Angel.
Archangel: Hello all. Just thought I'd pop down to ringside and watch the match.
Steven Smith: Hello Archangel.
Archangel: Stay right the hell away from me Smith...
Dave Kern: Let's get things under way. And Steven, I'd like you to behave since we have guests.
Steven Smith: Are you sure this one is going ahead? We haven't seen Perry Dollar in the PCW locker room for ages. Hell, I haven't seen him in the showers for ages and I hang out there to perv on the other guys.
Dave Kern: Well, we will see. Clyde deserves to win this one. He is a true Rising Star champion and deserves to retain.
Steven Smith: Yeah, well Perry Dollar has skill as well. I have never seen someone wash themselves so... slowly --
Dave Kern: Jeff! Call the entrances!
Clyde is already in the ring.
Clay Claybourne: The following match is for the Rising Star Title. It is a Standard Match scheduled for one fall. There will be no time limit. Making his way to the ring at this time, weighting in at 230 pounds and standing 6'0" tall, he holds the PCW Rising Star Championship belt, he is, Clyde!!!
Rollin by Limp Bizkit (DMX, red man, and method man version) plays and green lights flash as an illuminated dollar sign is displayed in the middle of the ring.
Clay Claybourne: And his opponent, weighting in at 275 pounds, standing 6'5" tall, hailing all the way from Albany, NY, Perry Dollar!!!
Clyde is in the ring warming up by bouncing off the ropes while there is still no sign of Perry Dollar. Clyde walks over to the rope facing the entrance ramp and leans against it, listening to the theme music that is Perry Dollar's. Clyde looks at his wrist watch and sighs, indicating that he is getting pissed off and doesn't have time to wait around. Clyde decides to talk to the ref. He walks over to him and says a few words. The ref nods. Clyde rolls out the ring to ringside.
Dave Kern: What do you suppose that was all about Steven?
Steven Smith: No idea. Is it time for the Santa's workshop match yet? I bored.
Dave Kern: Steven be patient. You have to learn some manners.
Archangel: He is obviously asking the ref if he can cheat or something seeing as Perry Dollar is holding up the show. What sort of a name is Perry Dollar anyways?
Clyde goes under the ring in search of something. While he is under there, all these expletives can be heard. No sooner than they are heard, Clyde is out from under the ring as quick as a fox with a table in hand. He throws the table in the ring and gets in there after it. He unfolds the legs and sets it up.
Steven Smith: Why was Clyde swearing under there? Come to think of it, it didn't even sound like him. Maybe he bumped his head?
Dave Kern: Uh, actually, I think he just woke Ned up.
Steven Smith: Oh... We're gonna have to get used to that.
Archangel: That Ned is an interesting character. Dunno why he's in the wrestling business though. He doesn't have the build, the physique that I do.
Clyde sits on the table, awaiting the arrival of Perry Dollar. Finally, Perry Dollar appears at the entrance ramp. He runs down to ringside. He looks up at Clyde and holds up his index finger indicating he'll only be about a minute. Clyde sighs and continues to wait. Perry Dollar opens up the gym bag he bought down to ringside with him and pulls out his wrestling gear. He starts to change from his street clothes to wrestling gear, making the ladies scream a little. Once he's done he gets in the ring and the ref calls for the bell.
Steven Smith: You know, I expected this from a man like Perry Dollar. No one has seen him around PCW for ages and finally when he shows up, he isn't even ready to wrestle. Clyde really better be put over here.
Dave Kern: No need to worry. I'm sure The Phantom Booker organized everything before he went away.
Archangel: The Phantom Booker is a great guy. He organizes everything. I suggest you be nice to him. After all, he signs the pay checks.
Clyde give Perry Dollar a massive upper cut to the throat knocking him backwards and on to the table. Clyde reaches into his pocket and pulls out a roll of duct tape. He starts unwinding it and then rolls it around Perry Dollar and the table. After going around Perry Dollar half a dozen times, Clyde seems satisfied and throws the tape away. He goes up to the top rope and signals for a top rope Inferno.
Steven Smith: That's his finisher!
Archangel: No it isn't. His finisher is a sommersault tombstone. Jees Smith, they should hire me instead of you!
Clyde taunts the crowd a little getting them all hyper, and then goes for the dive. He connects with Perry Dollar, breaking him apart from the table. Clyde rolls Perry over and makes the cover hooking the leg. The ref is there to count it. ...1...2...3!
Winner: Clyde 1:25
Clay Claybourne: The winner of this match, and still PCW Rising Star Champion, Clyde!
Suddenly, Mr. Showtime is seen running down the entrance ramp before towards the ring. He sides in the ring starts punching Clyde in the head. Clyde falls backwards and over the top rope. Mr. Showtime picks up the Rising Star Title and holds it above his head in triumph. The crowd boo him. Mr. Showtime sticks his finger up at the crowd, drops the belt and leaves the ring.
No sooner than Mr. Showtime finished, Archangel gets up from his commentary position and slides in the ring. He starts kicking around Perry Dollar, still not moving and tangled up in that duct tape and table debris. He goes up the top and delivers a five star frog splash to Perry Dollar's stomach. He goes back up again and dives off the top rope to splash Clyde, who is at ringside still recovering from the beating he took from Mr. Showtime. He gets up and leaves.
Dave Kern: I think that little discussion between Clyde and the ref before the match was about whether or not Clyde could use the table as Perry Dollar hasn't been around for a while.
Steven Smith: I still don't like it. Perry Dollar was born to be the next Rising Star Champion and he had his chance taken away from him just like that. It is so unfair.
Dave Kern: Well, them's the breaks. Either you show up on time, every time or you job. You know that The Phantom Booker is tough on these things.
Steven Smith: Pfffft! The Phantom Booker! Ha! I oughta tear him a new --
Dave Kern: Uh, not now Steven. Fans, we're off for a break. Coming up next, a mixed tag match! As well as Ned and the Baer-Man locking it up! Don't go away!
PCW is bought to you by Tampex. Discretion and comfort all in one small package!
Jason: Well fan's let's take a small break from the action to see what your friend and mine Shane Hardy has to say about his upcoming match against Dan Hollywood and Buffy Vegas. So Shane what can u tell us?
Shane: Well Jason I've only been back in this fed. a short while, but everybody in the back know's, I mean business, and well this match with the "B-Grade" Spam Wallyworld is no exception, and with my lovely valet Kelly, who just happens to be Buffy's sister. We're gonna take those "Crazy-Ass" sunglasses, and Buffy's "fake-ass" breast's and stick them directly down each of their respective throat's. Won't we baby?
Kelly is about to speak when Shane is jumped from behind by Dan Hollywood and Buffy Vegas. Dan punches Shane in the face and Buffy kick's him hard in the stomach. Shane is on his knee's. He look's up at Dan laughing at him with Buffy as they walk away. He look's up at Kelly and hold's his arm up for her to help him up. She instead kick's him hard in- between the leg's. Shane drop's so the floor. Buffy run's after Dan and Buffy who turn around and link arm's with Kelly and continue down the hall-way.
Jason: I can't believe what I have just seen. It was all a ruse a charade to sucker in Shane Hardy. We better get some EMT's back here he doesn't look too good, and on an even worse note..3-on-1 match tonight on Turmoil. I for one can't wait to see how this un-folds..
Dave Kern: We're back with tonight's edition of Tuesday Turmoil. All competitors are in the ring so let's start the match.
Shane Hardy and Dan Hollywood start off in the ring together and lock up, Shane Hardy takes Hollywood in a snap suplex. Hardy whips Hollywood into Hollywood's teams turnbuckle, knocking Buffy off the ring apron, Hardy hip tosses Hollywood back out of the corner, but Hollywood lands on his feet and turns back to face Hardy down. He runs at Hardy, and catches him with running DDT. Buffy reaches in for the tag, Hollywood raises an eyebrow at her, and tags him in, he grabs one of Hardy's legs, and Buffy grabs the other, DOUBLE WISHBONE! Hardy rolls around in pain, before crawling over to his own corner, Buffy kicking him in the ass all the way. But then he stands and starts to run at Buffy, but Buffy runs the other way back to Dan, tagging him back in.
Dan walks towards the center of the ring, and Hardy double axe handle's him, spinning him around, before giving him a flying elbow to the back of the head. He does a double knee drop on Dan, but Hollywood rolls out the way, and stands back up. Hardy goes for a clothesline, but Hollywood ducks, and eye rakes him as he spins back around, before DDT-ing him again. Dan tags Buffy back in, and Buffy runs straight to the other corner, grabs her sister by the hair and flips her into the ring, the ref goes to break it up, but Hardy and Hollywood both grab the ref and throw him out the ring. Buffy grabs Kelly by the hair and starts to spin her around, Shane goes to interfere but Dan spins him back around and uses the D-List on him to take him back down, before grabbing Hardy in a figure four leg-lock.
Kelly catches Buffy by the legs and Samoan Drops her, before rolling her out the ring, and following her. Hardy is tapping out from the figure four, in fact, he appears to be passed out completely, but still Dan isn't letting go. Kelly is slapping Buffy about, and then DDT's her on the outside. Dan notices this and lets go of Shane, before running over to the ropes, and spingboarding off the top rope to do a flying elbow to Kelly, but misses, and flies into the guardrail by the crowd. Buffy ducks Kelly's next slap, and grabs her by the top, and rips off one arm of it, before slamming her face into the ring apron a few times, before suddenly Shane Hardy grabs Buffy by the hair and pulls her up to the ring apron. Buffy slaps Shane across the cheek, and Shane lets go of her, before punching her square in the forehead, knocking her off the apron, but Dan catches her just as she is about to hit the ground. At this point a new ref runs into the ring, and calls for Dan to get back into the ring with Shane.
Hollywood rolls back into the ring, and Shane starts stomping on him, Shane grabs Hollywood's neck in a sleeper. Meanwhile, the ref oblivious to this, Kelly has snuck around to Buffy, and starts to lay into her again, but Buffy whips Kelly against the announce table, before pulling the monitors out, and rolling Kelly up onto the table itself, before climbing up on it herself, stands on it, and pulls Kelly into standing, Kelly and Buffy start screaming at each other, standing on the announce table, before Kelly grabs the front of Buffy's top and pulls, ripping it open to reveal Buffy's bra, this infuriates Buffy, who knees Kelly in the gut, and DDT's head into the announce table, breaking it in two, knocking both of them senseless.
Hollywood and Hardy both look haggard, beating each other stupid dealing punches to each other, before Hardy kicks Hollywood in the gut, and slams him head-first into the mat, before getting ready to hit him the The Edge, but Hollywood drops Hardy down to the mat with a drop toe hold, jumping to his feet, Dan looks down at Hardy, who staggers to his feet, and Hollywood locks on the HEADLINER! Hardy holds on for a few seconds, but taps out quickly.
Winners: Dan Hollywood and Buffy Vegas. 5:35
Post match, Buffy rolls into the ring, and stands with her arms raised, showing her bra off to all, Dan lifts his arms up also, and they both salute the crowd.
Dave Kern: Another great match there. Steven, what were your thoughts?
Steven Smith: ...
Dave Kern: Steven? Steven? Steven where are you?
Steven Smith: Hiding.
Dave Kern: Why are you under the table.
Steven Smith: Because Buffy is in her Bra. If I look at her it will infiltrate my man hood.
Dave Kern: You are so childish. C'mon, they are gone now. You cam come out and help me call the next match.
Steven Smith: Okay. Who's in this match?
Dave Kern: We have Ned and The Baer-Man.
Steven Smith: Oh, cool.
Dave Kern: They are both in the ring again! Boy, we are on the ball tonight.
Tha Baer-Man: Wait! Before we start, there is something I need to say. Now, seeing that this is the first time that Tha Baer-Man, me for you newer fans, wrestles in a PCW ring, I feel we should take a moment, not to think about my established career, but instead to think about poor 'ol Ned. Once again, Ned will be the stepping stone for someone else's career. Okay, moment's up. Ned, and all of you loyal Baer-Fans are now about to know just What Baer Man Would Do...
Ned and Baer Man immediately lock up as the match bell sounds for them to start, Ned struggles, and eventually grabs Baer Man in a double arm suplex, but The Baer Man gets up immediately and faces him back down. Ned grabs him and whips him into the corner, but Baer Man reverses, and goes for a clothesline, Ned quickly ducks under, but the Baer Man catches him with an elbow to the back of the head.
At this point the Baer Man takes the opportunity to lay a couple of boots into Ned's back, but Ned rolls away and stands, before running back at him with a hard clothesline, and then a knee to the forehead. He lifts the Baer Man back up and executes a neckbreaker drop on him. Baer Man struggles to his feet, and Ned runs back at him, Baer Man sidesteps and grabs Ned in a Full Nelson slam, before kicking him twice in the gut. Ned rolls over and grabs Baer Man's feet, pulling him to the ground. Ned catches Baer Man in a ground sleeper, and eventually Baer Man manages to stand, pulling Ned up with him, and pushes Ned against the ropes. he kicks him in the gut, and then goes to clothesline him over the rope, but Ned ducks, and Baer Man rolls over Ned's back, the top rope, and then collides with the outside. Ned climbs through the ropes after him.
The Baer Man stands awaiting Ned, and as he approaches, catches him with a hard right, then a hard left, and then a kick to the gut. The Ref shouts "1!" He grabs Ned and whips him into the crowd fence, before, slamming his head a few times into for a huge pop. The ref shouts "2!" The Baer Man pulls Ned over to the announce table and bounces his head off it a few times, Ned goes to reverse, but the Baer Man begins to slap him across the chest, until they are back at the ring apron, at which point the Baer Man rolls Ned back into the ring. Ned stands and grabs Baer Man in another double arm suplex just as he enters the ring. The Baer Man uses a foot takedown on Ned, and then stands, awaiting Ned to get up. and just as Ned gets up the Baer Man runs at him, jumps catches his head and uses a facecrusher to try to incapacitate Ned. Ned stands again, but the Baer Man is right behind him, BM grabs him in a German Suplex, the ref counts. 1. 2. but Ned kicks out. He rolls to the side, and stays down, meanwhile BM gets up and starts to kick him. he then gets on his knees and tries to choke him, but the ref starts another count 1. 2. 3. 4. and BM lets go BM pulls Ned up, steps behind him and backdrops him. He picks him up again, and scoop slams him back to the mat.
While Ned lays low, BM takes the opportunity to jump back outside the ring. the approaches the announce table and grabs one of the announcer's chairs, before throwing it back in the ring. The ref runs over to grab it, but BM grabs another one off yet another announcer, and rolls back into the ring. Ned by now is standing, but quite staggered. BM goes to slam the chair into Ned's cranium, but as he lifts the chair high, Ned dropkicks the chair back into BM's face, BM falls to the ground. Ned pushes the chair outside the ring, and covers BM. The ref turns back from throwing the other chair outside the ring and starts the count. 1. 2. 3!
Winner: Ned 4:50
Clay Claybourne: The winner of this match, Ned!
Dave Kern: Why is it that we haven't been able to commentate in the last two matches?
Steven Smith: I don't know. But I enjoyed the break, did you? It gave me the chance to catch up with Boca. I wonder what that fitting was about at the start of the show?
Dave Kern: I dread to think. Time for a commercial break.
But PCW Alliances on DVD now and receive 15 minutes bonus footage of the REAM TEAM post-match warm-up.
The picture changes to the back exit to the parking lot. Cal Seaver is seen standing and looking all around. Suddenly Kris Kanton walks up to him.
Seaver: Hey Kris, can I get a few words with you before you go?
Kanton: Yeah sure.
Seaver: Rumors have it that your not going to just take a vacation, but to go to Hong Kong and fight in the Kumite. Is this true?
Kanton: I don't know what's a Kumite?
Seaver: C'mon Kris we know what's going on.
Kanton: I don't know, but I do know that I am going to enjoy my time off and I should be right back before the Pay-Per- View. I am looking forward to a big match.
Seaver: Really? With who?
Kanton: Secret, {Kanton grins} I'll see you later Cal.
Seaver: See ya Kris.
Kris Kanton then walks out into the parking lot. The picture then goes back to ringside.
Steven Smith: I said it before and I'll say it again. Making that tape was great fun.
Dave Kern: Fans we're back with PCW Tuesday Turmoil yet again! This is the final match before the main event of the evening.
Steven Smith: Woo Hoo! The Santa's Workshop match! Finally, we'll get to see the REAM TEAM in some hardcore action.
Dave Kern: Please Steven. Now fans, this match is being held in a mental asylum and it is for the number 1 contendership of the PCW Extreme Title. So, our camera will be feeding you live action from there.
The scene cuts to the entrance area of the mental asylum. Speedy Riggs is in the center of the picture.
Clay Claybourne: The following match will be held in this hospital for the PCW Extreme Title. A competitor may win by pin fall or submission. Both men are at random points around the building.
Speedy Riggs calls for the bell and the match in underway. The camera cuts to a hallway, where we see Clyde walking along whistling to himself. He is checking behind every inanimate object, every corner, any place Miyagawa could be hiding. Suddenly, Miyagawa jumps from the lights above and tackles Clyde to the ground. He starts punching him repeatedly in the head. He gets up and runs off down the hall giggling to himself. Clyde gets up moaning and rubbing the side of his face. He staggers of down the hall.
The camera cuts to a kitchen area where some patients sit eating their meals under surveillance of staff. Miyagawa sits at a table drinking a coke. A member of staff walks up to him and warns him to drink it slowly so he doesn't get enraged. Miyagawa holds up his 'visitor' tag and the staff member apologizes and walks away. The camera sees Clyde entering the kitchen area from behind Miyagawa. He sneaks up behind him and grabs him by the hair. Miyagawa let's out a scream causing some of the patients to get all worked up. Staff have to hold them down and assure them everything is normal. Clyde drags Miyagawa out of the kitchen and into an office. No one is in the office so Clyde takes the opportunity to unleash a pouncing on him. He rams his face into the desk and Miyagawa falls to the floor. Clyde picks up an 'insane' stamp and smears it into a red ink pad. He mashes it on to Miyagawa's face repeatedly. He then bashes it on to his arm and legs.
Steven Smith: I always knew Miyagawa was insane. I could see it in his eyes.
Dave Kern: He better hope that none of the staff see him here or he'll be locked away forever.
Clyde grabs a lighter off the desk and sets fire to Miyagawa's visitor pass. Clyde picks up a trash can and slams it over Miyagawa's head. He sees a self full of books and uses all his might to push it over. Miyagawa sees the books falling towards him and rolls out the way. Clyde starts picking up the books individually and throws that at Miyagawa. One hits him straight in the head causing him to stumble out into the hall. Miyagawa lands on a gurney. Clyde comes out into the hall and straps Miyagawa to the gurney. He makes sure his arms are down tight.
Steven Smith: I'm sure Kremmen would feel right at home here.
Clyde starts wheeling Miyagawa down the hall as he thrusts violently trying to free himself. He passes a staff member who stops him.
Staff: Here, try using this. It'll calm him down.
Clyde: Thanks.
The staff member hands Clyde a handkerchief full of chloroform and walks off. Clyde mashes it into Miyagawa's face. Miyagawa almost instantly falls asleep. Clyde turns a corner and faces a long hall. No one is around a pile of crates sit at the end of the hall.
Clyde: Right, time to see if I'm any good at bowling.
Clyde gets a run up and pushes the gurney forward. It goes down the hall very quickly brushing off the walls, sometimes twisting side ways. Miyagawa and the gurney go crashing into the crates side ways. The gurney falls over on to it's side. Clyde quickly runs down the hall and undoes the straps. Miyagawa rolls out on to the floor. Speedy Riggs appears from around the corner. Clyde covers Miyagawa and Speedy starts the count. ...1...2...3!
Winner: Clyde.
Clay Claybourne: The winner of this match, and the new PCW Extreme Champion, Clyde!
Steven Smith: Clyde isn't finished with Miyagawa yet.
Clyde picks Miyagawa up and walks down the hall. He goes to reception and leaves Miyagawa slumped on a chair. He hides behind the corner and waits. A staff member comes by and sees Miyagawa lying there with the 'insane' stamps on his face. He grabs a near by wheel chair and places Miyagawa in it. He wheels him off down a hall that has a sign posted above it reading, "Danger: Patients who are murderers". Clyde chuckles to himself and walks out of the asylum.
Dave Kern: After the break, the main event! The Santa's workshop match!
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Steven: Sleigh Bells! I hear Sleigh Bells! Santa's coming! Milk and cookies, someone put out the milk and cookies!
Dave: Steven...
Steven: Yes Dave?
Dave: Oh, never mind, just look up at the tron and call the match.
Stephen Blood is walking down an aisle which is stacked as high as the eye can see with boxes of all sizes. For the first 20 feet, each box is wrapped in coloured wrapping paper and ribbon. After that, excess stock remains unwrapped. Blood taps on each box and shakes his head sadly. He walks around the corner and bumps right into the Pimply Faced Intern Kid.
Steven Blood and PFIK simultaneously: Watch where you are going! Hey, what are you doing here?
Blood: You first.
PFIK: Damn.. Okay, I'm moonlighting as a storeman here, helping the little people load the sleigh.
Blood: Yeah right...
PFIK: Its true, its true! I have to take on other jobs to supplement my income - interns don't get paid much you know... Now, what are you doing here?
Blood: I'm in the Santa's workshop match, and I'm looking for a scooter to get around this huge place on. Transportation speed will give me the advantage I need to win!
PFIK: So let me get this right... you are going to steal someone's Christmas present to help you win this match?
Blood: Yeah, why not?
PFIK: No, its okay, it can be written off as lost in delivery. We have a higher reliability rate than all the postal services of the world combined, but it still happens sometimes.
PFIK pulls out a list from his back pocket and scans down its contents.
PFIK: Scooters - cheap imitations are 4th aisle on the right, genuine articles 4th aisle on the left. Take your pick.
Blood: Okay, thanks. Oh, do you know where I can find a ladder as well? These boxes are pretty high.
PFIK: There should be one of those portable ones on wheels one around there somewhere.
Blood walks off toward the 4th aisle on the left, grabbing the portable ladder on his way. He lines it up then puts the brake on, then tests its stability. Blood climbs the ladder, right to the top, and reaches up to take one of the boxes containing a scooter for himself. He levers it out and over, and without losing his balance, starts climbing down the ladder. Right in front of his face is a label on the box that says "To Ned, from Santa".
Blood: Shame about that... I guess Ned will have to keep on stealing scooters for another year...
Suddenly, Blood feels the ladder start to move, slowly and with a jerk at first, then after some cursing and the sound of the brake lever being released and snapped off at the same time, much faster. Blood tosses the scooter box over his shoulder and grabs hold of the ladder, preparing himself for the wild ride ahead. Faster... faster... faster... THWACK! The ladder hits a step, sending Blood sailing through the air, arms and legs flailing, finally landing head first into an open box full of stuffed Pikachu dolls, leaving just his feet poking out. In the background standing under the ladder, Flaymin' Aymin is doubled over in laughter and pointing at Blood's prone feet, poking out between the stuffed Pikachus. Guest referee VP-L appears from nowhere and lifts Blood's left foot.......drop. Lift again... drop. Lift again.....drop. VP-L calls for the bell.
STEPHEN BLOOD HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Flaymin' Aymin!
The foreman elf in charge of Pikachu distribution appears, and has a pissed look on his face. He waggles his fingers at VP-L and then points at Blood, still feet up in the box, then back at VP-L. VP-L shrugs and points to his ears, unable to understand elfen-speak, then walks off. The elf shrugs his own shoulders and barks a few commands. This causes six elves to appear and drag Blood out of the box. Quicker than lightning they wrap Blood in Christmas paper, leaving a small hole for him to breathe through, then pick him up and heave him into the adjacent box marked "wrapped stuffed Pikachus".
Meanwhile, in another area of the building, members of the Think Tank (the ones that haven't been kidnapped by Kano) are sitting around a card table, playing Gin Rummy. Alan Kriegman, looking distant and irritated, folds his hand. "The Scholar" Howard Porter looks like he's about to lecture Kriegman about the differences between Poker and Gin Rummy, but is interrupted by the sounds of clomping hooves, snorting and strings of loud cursing. Around the corner, riding on a strangely deformed reindeer, appears Bertha Stewart. She steers the reindeer directly at the table...
Bertha: Yee-f*&king-HAR! Kano F*&king ROCKS!
Kriegman dives clear, but Howard Porter's expression becomes that of an animal bathed in the bright lights of an oncoming car, and he doesn't move in time before Bertha and her reindeer, Randolph, crash through the table, scattering cards everywhere. Bertha and Randolph ride straight through Porter, who gets caught in the saddle strap and is dragged up a flight of stairs, bouncing all the way. Bertha pulls on the reigns, and Randolph rears up on his hind legs, causing Bertha to be tipped out of the saddle, crash landing right on top of Howard Porter, in a sitting position. As VP-L materialises from nowhere to make the count, Randolph the facially deformed reindeer senses his freedom and hikes it off into the distance. 1.....2.....3!
"THE SCHOLAR" HOWARD PORTER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Bertha Stewart!
A commotion is heard in the background. A figure is heard challenging another figure, and following each challenge a loud punch is heard.
Dave Kern: Oh dear... I think 2T2K1 might have a problem vanquishing this opponent...
2T2K1: Come on, give me your best shot!
2T2k1 launches another crushing right hand at his opponent, but the figure just comes right back up ready for more...
Jeff Marx: This reminds me of playing stick ball against the wall in school - you can never win!
Meanwhile, Tyler Nelson is seen looking through a collection of pocket organisers. He spies a Dawsons Creek Trapper Keeper and immediately snaffles it and hides it under his jacket. Within the blink of an eye, Homicidal Anthony Cay comes around the corner and spies Tyler. The two men eye each other, neither making a move. Suddenly Tyler reaches into his pocket and pulls out the Trapper Keeper.
Tyler Nelson: TRAPPER KEEPER, I ORDER YOU TO ASSIMILATE HAC!
Tyler's new found Dawsons' Creek Trapper Keeper leaps into action - tentacles surround HAC, and drag him toward the machine. As the struggling HAC is drawn closer, Tyler reaches a foot out and covers the tentacle-surrounded HAC. VP-L arrives in the nick of time to make the count...1...2....3!
HOMICIDAL ANTHONY CAY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Tyler Nelson!
Jeff Marx: I guess HAC will be out for a few weeks, it takes a while for that assimilation caper to be reversed.
Clyde has found a spare internet terminal, and is amusing himself by playing a game of RED NECK SHOOTOUT (brought to you by TwistedHumour.com). Everytime Clyde scores a hit, he shouts "BANG BANG!" at the top of his voice and punches the air. Shadowman and The Ultimate Warlord approach him from behind (ewwww!) and are about to ambush him, but are overcome by curiosity at the game he is playing. Just as they go to look over his shoulder, Clyde hits one of the rednecks in the nadular region, blasting his bits to kingdom come, and celebrates wildly by dropping the PC's joystick and punching both hands high into the air, inadvertently catching both Shadowman and The Ultimate Warlord under their respective jaws in the process. They both drop like stones, eyes glazed. Clyde looks around and sees the results of his handiwork, shrugs, and covers both of them. As usual, VP-L is right on the case and makes the count....1....2....3!
SHADOWMAN AND THE ULTIMATE WARLORD HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED by Clyde!
2T2K1: Come on, hit me ya big bastard! I can take it!
WHACK! 2T2K1 takes another swipe at his opponent, taunting him to hit back...
Meanwhile, "The Mack", Eddie Novak, resplendent in platform shoes, double breasted jacket and flaired jeans, strolls through the in progress workshop. He has a walkman strapped to his belt with speakers instead of headphones. The elves cover their ears and hide under the work benches in disgust at the sound of MmmBop emanating from them. Novak spies a glass bowl full of Tazos, and a lightbulb goes on above his head. He reaches over and starts leafing through the bowl, tossing individual Tazos over his shoulder as he goes. Beatles.. toss. Rolling Stones.. toss. The Birds.. toss. The Jackson Five...ponder....toss. Madonna...rub it on his crotch...toss. Led Zeppelin...toss. HANSON! Novak kisses it then holds up the only Hanson Tazo in existence to the light, and smiles, his white teeth glinting brightly. As Novak turns to leave, the workshop foreman elf stands in front of him with arms folded, tapping his left foot on the floor. Eddie shrugs and tries to go past, but the elf puts out an open hand, blocking his exit. Eddie tries to stare down and intimidate the diminutive elf, but is unsuccessful. The elf snaps his fingers, and suddenly a humming noise is heard, and a bunch of knomes appear. They approach Eddie from all sides, and crawl up his pants legs and remove his underwear, somehow without tearing them. As Novak looks on in stunned amazement, the underpants knomes carry his underwear away and out of the room.
Dave Kern: Ah, silly question, but what are the underpants knomes doing here, and why are they stealing Novak's jocks?
Jeff Marx: Profit.
Dave Kern: Profit?
Jeff Marx: Yeah, they steal everyone's underwear, stockpile them, and turn them into profit.
Dave Kern: But how? And what are knomes doing here? i thought only elves helped out Santa.
Jeff Marx: Don't you know anything? Elves, knomes, same bloodlines... they help each other out occasionally. Novak was giving the elf foreman shit, so he called in the reinforcements.
Dave Kern: This makes no sense at all.
Jeff Marx: It does if you watch South Park.
Dave Kern: Oh.............. I see. What channel was that on again?
Novak, now underwear-less and with a disgusted look on his face, hands over the Hanson Tazo to the elf foreman and waddles out of the room, giving him the bird before closing the door.
Jeff Marx: I wonder how much profit the underpants knomes will make from Novak's jocks?
Dave Kern: Ah who cares.. it was a stupid spot anyway.
Jeff Marx: It matched perfectly with Novak's new gimmick though, don't you think?
"The Mack" Eddie Novak leaves the room and is met by a BANG THANG superkick from Bang Davenport, taking him down and stunning him. Bang climbs up on top of a nearby swing set, but before he launches his finisher he starts riding the swing and yelling giddy up! Bang gets a hold of himself, climbs up on top of the structure and launches into the air, hitting the Hillbilly Plunge on the stunned and jock-less Novak. Referee VP-L appears from nowhere, looks at Novak and shakes his head sadly, then drops down and makes the count...1....2....3!
Bang stands up and looks over his fallen opponent, nodding in satisfaction, but his reverie is broken by the sound of 2T2K1 swinging and yelling at his opponent...
2T2K1: If ya don't hit back, its going to get nasty real soon, ya hear me?
2T2K1 hits his opponent in the face with a blow that would fell a small building, but his opponent just springs right back up ready for action.
Precious Peter Love is seen wandering around, whistling gaily to himself. He looks over and spies Santa Claus himself stuffing something in his sack. Peter launches himself in the direction of Santa, and taps him on the shoulder. Santa turns around, a thunderous look on his face, but before he can answer...
PPL: Oh Santa, can I sit on your knee and tell you what I want for Christmas? I went in Chris Kringle with the boys and got my own present back, so this is so super important to me!
Santa nods silently and, carrying his sack, walks over to a large chair and sits down in it. PPL claps his hands in delight and brushes off imaginary dust from his butt, then makes to sit down on Santa's lap. Santa however has other ideas, and swings the sack around in a wide arc, connecting with the side of PPL's head, sending him right into dreamland. PPL crashes to the floor, and Santa reaches a foot over ant puts it on his chest. VP-L arrives, and looks strangely into Santa's eyes. Unable to place where he has seen the man before, VP-L shrugs and drops to the floor....1.....2.....3! VP-L gets to his feet and melts into the background. Santa pulls back his hair and beard, revealing himself to be Vegita. Vegita drags PPL into the mock-up house behind Santa's chair. He slams the door shut and draws the bolt, locking the unconscious Peter Love in the room.
PRECIOUS PETER LOVE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Vegita!
Bertha Stewart, now sans Randolph Reindeer, is walking around the canteen, looking for something to eat. Suddenly, she hears a noise behind her...
Originator of noise: Ssst.
Bertha looks around, but all she can see is a large Frosty the Snowman, made of, you guessed it... snow. Bertha shrugs and resumes her hunt for belly booty, but is interrupted by the same noise, this time louder.
Originator of noise: SSST.
Bertha looks over again at the Frosty the Snowman. Bertha picks up one of the canteen chairs, rather diminutive as it's been built for elves, and heads towards the Frosty the Snowman. Bertha takes aim with the chair, and takes Frosty's head clean off!
Originator of noise: SSST!!!
The noise is very close now. Bertha looks around behind her, then back to the headless Frosty the Snowman. She lines up again and takes his right arm off with one fell swoop of the mini-steel chair.
Originator of noise: SSST!!!!!!
Bertha growls, a deep gutteral sound, and proceeds to demolish the remainder of poor Frosty the Snowman with the chair. Eventually, nothing is left but a pile of snow, a brimmed hat, a carrot and a broken pipe.
Jeff Marx: Am I the only one who fails to see the point in trying to mess with Bertha's mind?
Originator of noise: SSST!!!!!!!!!
Bertha turns around, and not seeing anyone starts overturning tables and chairs, looking for whoever is making the hissing noise at her. Under the third table lies Ned, sound asleep and snoring....
Ned: SSSSST!!!!!!
Dave Kern: I think Ned should go and see a sleep apnea specialist...
Bertha picks up Ned by the hair, waking him out of a deep sleep. Ned stutters and chokes before coming around and seeing that he's in Bertha's clutches. Ned panics and, trying to escape a fate worse than death, strikes out blindly. He catches Bertha in the eye with an errant thumb, forcing her to let him go and step back, holding her eye. Ned wakes up some more and finally comprehends what is going on. He kicks Bertha in the stomach and lifts her up, then drops her in the Sidewalk Slam though a mini-elf table! VP-L arrives on the scene just as Ned covers Bertha, and makes the count.....1.....2.....3!
BERTHA STEWART HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Ned!
2T2K1 hasn't moved from where he is layin' the smack down on an unseen opponent. He's taken to repeated left and right jabs to the jaw, but his opponent still hasn't gone down and stayed down yet.
Steven Smith: Any sign of Boca del Inferno yet?
Jeff Marx: No, thankfully.
Steven Smith: Ah, what would you know? Boca rules!
Dave Kern: No, Kano friggin' rules...
Jeff Marx: As you can see!
Dave: Right on cue, Jeff.
Steven: Boca! Boca! Boca!
Dave: Ah shutup Steven, You just want to see what the booby prize is.
Steven: That is so not true! I have no interest in booby prizes, and everyone knows it!
Meanwhile, Ned has not moved from on top of Bertha.
Jeff: Look at Ned, every time he tries to get up, he clutches his back and holds on to it, then falls right back on top of Bertha!
Steven: Ewww!
Vegita-Claus, back in full Santa disguise, quietly enters the cafeteria and sees Ned atop Bertha. Bertha is holding her nose and gradually coming to, and Ned is still immobilised with back pain. Vegita takes one whiff of the air around Ned, and looks at Bertha for a nanosecond before deciding to leave the room and find some more palatable prey elsewhere. Bang Davenport, not being bound by the same set of personal hygiene values, climbs atop the nearest table and flattens Ned and Bertha with the Hillbilly Plunge! VP-L reluctantly re-enters the room and makes the count....1....2....3!
NED HAS BEEN ELIMINATED, AND BERTHA STEWART HAS BEEN ELIMINATED AGAIN by Bang Davenport!
Things are getting nasty now in the camp of 2T2K1. He's worked up a sweat, and is pounding mercilessly on his still unseen opponent.
Steven: So who have we got left? Let me see, there's Boca del Inferno... anyone else?
Jeff: Yes, Steven... as well as your beloved Boca, we still have Clyde, Tyler Nelson, Vegita, Bang Davenport, 2T2K1, Kriegman and Flaymin Aymin.
Dave: What about former Heavyweight Champ Doug Troy?
Jeff: Well, he definitely will make an impact on this match, don't you think.
Tyler Nelson, with Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper (including assimilation of Homicidal Anthony Cay) in hand, strides past the elves village towards the workshop. From out of the elves village, a sinister-looking elf, dressed from head to toe in black, comes out and starts to follow him toward the workshop, hiding behind various objects to keep himself out of site. Tyler enters the building, and sees 2T2K1 still duking it out with his mysterious, thus far indestructible, opponent. He looks over and sees Vegita-Clause poised on top of Santa's half-packed sleigh, looking over an oblivious Flaymin Aymin, who is poking around Santa's sack to try and see how he fits everything in. Tyler watches on in amazement as Vegita-Clause turns from mild mannered Santa lookalike to fiendish heel, and drops down off the sleigh on top of Flaymin' Aymin. Vegita wastes no time in shoving Flaymin' Aymin inside the Santa's sack on the sleigh, and pulls shut the rip cord. Flaymin' Aymin struggles and yells to be let out, but is silenced by a few clubbing blows to the sack by Vegita. Vegita puts his hand over Flaymin', and VP-L descends from the ceiling and makes the count.....1.....2......3!
FLAYMIN' AYMIN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Vegita!
Dave: That makes two guys Vegita has imprisoned after beating them.
Jeff: No, he imprisoned Flaymin' Aymin before defeating him.
Dave: Oh yeah. Well, the end result is the same.
Jeff: True... But isn't it Kano's gimmick now to be imprisoning people?
Dave: Kano got the night off, so Vegita stepped in. I would imagine if he likes the gimmick that much he'll challenge Kano to a match for it.
Jeff: I pity PHD if Vegita takes over his imprisonment...
The crowd pops as Doug Troy makes his first appearance in the match. His appearance is short lived though as Clyde, now bored of shooting Rednecks (play that game, its a hoot!), sneaks up behind him and waffles him over the head with a Christmas turkey. Before Doug gets the bits of stuffing out of his eyes, Clyde dumps a full bowl of trifle over his head, covering him in green jello and sponge cake. Doug Troy again wipes his eyes clear, only to be hit on the head this time with a steel chair. Clyde wastes no time in wrapping the chair around Doug's head, and hitting the Painbringer on him. Clyde covers Doug Troy, who looks comical covered in trifle and turkey. VP-L appears from over the horizon and administers the count.....1.....2......3!
DOUG TROY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Clyde!
Dave: That leaves 2T2K1, Clyde, Bang, Kriegman, Tyler and Vegita, right?
Steven: What about Boca! Don't forget Boca!
Dave: How could we forget Boca del Inferno?
Jeff: Who?
Tyler Nelson advances from his position near the door, towards 2T2K1. Tyler reaches into his pocket for the Dawsons Creek Trapper Keeper, ready to assimilate 2T2K1, but is interrupted by the dark elf...
Dark Elf: I'm sorry, but that device must be destroyed.
Tyler: Bollocks! I paid good money for it.
Dark Elf: It is written that a Dawsons Creek Trapper Keeper owned by Tyler Nelson will cause the ultimate destruction of the earth.
Tyler: Okay, I'll sell it to you.
Dark Elf: How much?
Tyler: Well, taking into account inflation, public holidays, superannuation, G.S.T. and the lousy exchange rate, how about 250 million?
Dark Elf: WHAT?
Tyler: That's just the opening bid... there is room for negotiation of course...
Dark Elf: Okay, give me the absolute bottom line... no bullshit you hear me?
Tyler: 225.
Dark Elf: 225 dollars? Done!
Tyler: No, 225 million you little freakazoid!
Bang Davenport breaks up the exchange by levelling Tyler with a Bang Thang superkick, then picking up both Tyler and the Trapper Keeper over his shoulder. Bang heads off toward the exit. Bang reaches the exit, and opens the door. Its snowing up a blizzard outside! Bang dumps Tyler and his Trapper Keeper (with Homicidal Anthony Cay assimilated) outside in the snow, then slams the door shut and draws the bolt. Faint banging can be heard from outside, followed by begging and pleading, then silence. VP-L comes up through a trapdoor in the floor, and starts counting Tyler out....1.....2......3.....4......5.....6......7.....8.....9.....10!
TYLER NELSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Bang Davenport!
Dave: How's that for innovation? Have you ever seen anyone be eliminated by countout in a match where there was no ring?
Jeff: Uh, no.
Dave: I suppose someone should let him in before he freezes to death...
Jeff: Nah...
Alan Kriegman, not having been seen since the Howard Porter / Randolph Reindeer incident, returns to the scene with a whimper. He's still looking down, and is walking along with his hands in his pockets, not really paying attention to anything.
Dave: I wonder what's up today with the Evil Super Genius?
Jeff: Yeah, he's not very focussed.
Dave: Maybe he's upset that PHD is still under the power of Jon Kano?
Jeff: As you can see!
Dave: No, you were supposed to say "He friggin rules!"
Jeff: Sorry, its getting kinda old now, my heart wasn't in it.
Kriegman spies a bench, and sits down on it, and lowers his head into his hands.
Dave: He's really off his food today.
Taking advantage of Kriegman's distraction, Vegita sneaks up behind him and puts his own sack, the one he whacked PPL with, over Kriegman's head and pulls the string shut. Kriegman half heartedly struggles, but soon succumbs to the lack of oxygen in the bag. VP-L materialises out of thin air and lifts Kriegman's hand...1....2.....3!
ALAN KRIEGMAN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Vegita
Vegita, not done with Kriegman, hoists him up over his shoulder takes him over to Santa's cottage. Finding the door locked, Vegita breaks it open with a stiff kick. He enters the living room and finds that the fireplace has been allowed to go out. Vegita grabs some cord and ties up Kriegman, and shoves him up Santa's chimney into the customary secret opening, and leaves him there. Vegita chuckles to himself, thinking of Kriegman being trapped up there and being smoked to death by Santa and Mrs Clause. Vegita turns around to leave, but is kicked square in the gut by Clyde. Vegita crashes into the fireplace, sending a cloud of ashes into the room. Clyde pulls Kriegman out and replaces him with Vegita. Clyde lights a fire in the fireplace, and leaves the room, chuckling to himself and rubbing his hands. As Clyde emerges from Santa's cottage, a blackened Vegita climbs out the chimney and slides down the roof, landing square on top of Clyde. A bolt of lighting strikes suddenly, and as the light subsides, VP-L is standing in the centre of the blackened earth. He drops to his knees and makes the count....1....2....3!
CLYDE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Vegita!
Dave: Nobody gets burned to death today, much to the disappointment of both Vegita and Clyde!
Steven: Boca must be coming soon!
Jeff: Well, we still have 2T2K1, Vegita and Bang Davenport left.
Steven: And Boca!
Dave: Yes, its a bit queer that Boca del Inferno hasn't shown his face yet.
Vegita picks himself up off of Clyde, and takes off in the direction of 2T2K1.
Steven: I'm going to be so ticked if 2T2K1 has been banging away at Boca all this time...
Jeff: I'd say we are about to find out...
Vegita stops short of 2T2K1, who is still totally absorbed with trying to take down his opponent.
Jeff: Look! Its all clear now! Can you see what's going on here?
Dave: Why I believe I do...
2T2K1 is seen hammering away at his opponent, which is revealed to be a Mr. Wobbly! The giant man, fed up with not being able to eliminate his chosen opponent, psyches himself up for one final punch.... he winds up... winding...winding...winding.... WHACK! In a blow that would have knocked a mountain flat, 2T2K1 strikes the Mr. Wobbly, which with the force of the blow recoils back far enough to hit 2T2K1 right in the face, knocking him clean out!
Steven: I don't get it guys, what's going on?
Dave: That Mr Wobbly is so lifelike, and 2T2K1 can't see over his own stomach to see that it isn't a real person and has no feet!
Vegita drops an elbow on the exhausted and unconscious 2T2K1 and lays over him. VP-L appears to the sound of a Star Trek transporter, and drops down and makes the count....1....2....3!
2T2K1 HAS BEEN ELIMINATED by Vegita!
Steven: I get it! Hey, we are down to the last three!
Dave: Yer, Boca, Bang and Vegita.
Steven: 10:1 on Boca. He's still fresh!
The crowd pop madly as a figure dressed in pure white steps out into the playing field, near the loaded sleigh.
Steven: Its Boca! Boca! Boca! Boca!
Dave: Jesus, couldn't they have put Prophesy or someone else in the Ream Team? Steven marks out at the mention of his name, and wet dreams at the sight of him...
Bang Davenport reappears, and together with Vegita surrounds Boca del Inferno. Boca looks around at both men. Bang strikes first while Boca is looking at Vegita, and stuns the big man with a Bang Thang superkick.
Dave: Yeeeeehaw!
Steven: Dave, I find your lack of faith in Boca disturbing.
Dave: Ah go to hell...
Bang grabs hold of Boca and locks him in a full nelson. Bang and Vegita look at each other, and nod without saying anything. Vegita then joins with Bang to drag Boca over to a cherry picker. They put him in the scoop, and Vegita jumps in with him, not before grabbing a pair of angel wings from a nearby children's costume bin, and a set of Christmas lights. Bang mans the controls and sends Boca and Vegita up in the air, and positions them next to the top of Santa's Christmas Tree. Vegita proceeds to tie Boca to the top of the tree with the Christmas Tree lights, and attach the wings to his shoulders. Vegita plugs in the lights, and signals to Bang, who turns on the power.
Steven: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Dave: LOL! They turned Boca del Inferno into the Christmas Tree Angel! Look at him up there, flashing away.
Jeff: He looks kinda angelic, doesn't he?
Steven: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
VP-L appears from under a rock, and looks up at Boca. He bursts out laughing, then calls for the bell.
BOCA DEL INFERNO HAS BEEN ELIMINATED AND TRANSFORMED INTO A CHRISTMAS TREE ANGEL by Vegita and Bang Davenport!
Bang lowers Vegita to the ground, and the two face each other. A sly smile crosses Vegita's face, and suddenly he looks over Bang's shoulder and points....
Vegita: Look! Its the Goodyear Blimp!
Bang looks back behind him, and Vegita takes him down by hitting him on the back of the head with his loaded Santa sack. Vegita locks Bang Davenport in a sharpshooter. Bang, groggy from the head shot, struggles weakly. Vegita locks the hold tighter, which makes Bang squeal but at the same time wakes him up. Bang reaches back and grabs Vegita's ankle and brings it forward and sinks his teeth into it. Vegita howls in pain and releases the hold.
Jeff: Well look at this... after all the hijinx of this match, these two are actually doing some wrestling holds!
Dave: Eh? Tells me that the booker ran out of ideas towards the end.
Jeff: Maybe... Lets see what happens next!
Vegita holds his ankle, which is bleeding from two gashes roughly the shape of teeth marks. Bang struggles to his feet and backs off. Vegita gets up and follows. Bang climbs up on top of Santa's sleigh. Vegita follows immediately. Bang hits a hard right on Vegita, who slips back onto Santa's sack. A groan is heard from inside....
Jeff: That would be Flaymin' Aymin.
Dave: At least he's still alive...
Vegita tumbles around on top of the sack, unable to find his balance. Bang seizes the opportunity by hitting Vegita with a Bang Thang, sending him flying off the sack / sleigh and onto the ground below. Vegita starts to rise. Bang sees this and sits down in the sleigh chair. He uses his legs to push on the sack, overbalancing it and sending it crashing down on top of Vegita, completely covering him! Bang slips and falls on top of the sack. One of the presents bursts open, revealing VP-L, who leans over and counts....1.....2.....3!
WINNER: BANG DAVENPORT!
Jeff: Bang Davenport has won a shot at either the TV or the Extreme Title!
The cameras cut to the back to show a table. On the table is one piece of chocolate cake. As we look at the lovely sight of that piece of cake, none other then former PCW Crusierweight champion, and premier cruiserweight, Kid Wonder walks by talking on the phone.
Kid Wonder: I can't believe you double booked the Complex! I really needed that last Thursday........yeah, well, you better let me have it then..........don't (beep) this up, alright!
(Wonder hangs up his cell and puts it in his pocket. As he walks by, he stops, then sniffs the air. He turns around and sees that beautiful piece of cake just sitting there. He calmly, and arrogantly, walks over to it, looks around, and picks it up. As he's about to take a bite of the scrumptious treat, the ground starts to shake. He slowly turns around to see a very, VERY large man "running" towards him. This man can be none other then 2T2K1. In the big man's hand is the PCW Crusierweight title. Kid Wonder has a look of fear for a second, then that goes away to a look of intent.)
Kid Wonder: It's about DAMN time you gave me my friggin title back. You know.............
(Before the former champ can finish that sentence, he is waffled by the CW belt and looks to be out. In the process of the belt shot, he drops the perfectly good piece of cake onto the ground. 2T2K1 sees this and looks pissed. He grabs Kid Wonder and places him on the table. He then "jogs" over and grabs a ladder. He puts the ladder in position, climbs up it, then hits his Tons O' Fun finisher on Wonder THROUGH THE TABLE!!! 2T2K1 gets up and looks at the falttened and twitching body of Kid Wonder in the remnants of the table. 2T2K1 looks at the body, then sees the piece of cake still sitting on the floor. He leans over and picks it up, then shoves it in his mouth and swallows it whole. 2T2K1 takes his ass, and his PCW Crusierweight title, and walks away, snickering, as EMT's come and look over Kid Wonder.)
Jeff Marx: Well, 2T2K1 survived his run in with Mr Wobbly Man!
Steven Smith: Boca didn't win the Santa's Workshop match :(
Dave Kern: We had chimneys!
Jeff Marx: We had Frosty the Snowman!
Steven Smith: We had underpants knomes!
Dave Kern: We had deformed reindeer!
Jeff Marx: And we had a rather special Christmas Tree angel!
Steven Smith: My poor Boca! Well, that's all for Turmoil, we'll see you on Fusion this Friday!