DEVIL's CORNER

DEVIL'S CORNER

Interviews – A Pain?? Think Again…

By: Saurabh Jha

Give me the most interesting one on one conversation you have had in your life!!…Was it the first time you spoke to your girl/boy friend or was it with some real intelligent Prof in your college who challenged all your mental faculties (which were conspicuous by their absence)…. could be anything but you would hardly find a soul who would say that the best conversation he had was in an interview, or that the most enjoyable group activity that he did was the group discussion (rather than the jig at the disc). But with my personal experience and of many many friends of mine, I would rate any interview or for that matter even the viva’s that we used to have in college as the best conversations I have had. Lets analyze this amazing activity a bit further.

The first thing to keep in mind in an interview is that both the parties are dead pitted against each other. The interviewer’s mind reads (“Oh so this smart*** thinks too much of himself. Let me show him where he stands”)…Now your mind could read one of the following two things:

The Prepared modest mind thinks:

-         “Shit, these people behind the table are all-knowing and they will grill the daylights out of me…I must be prim and proper in dressing, give brief and to the point answers, say a humble “Sorry, I don’t know” if I don’t know an answer…. and never panic, keep cool…keep cool…that’s the mantra”

 The Unprepared but Confident (for absolutely no reason) mind thinks:

-         “………………………………………………………………………………..”

 So now you know who expends lesser effort.

 Question: “What is the single most important factor you need while appearing for an interview”

Answer: “…………………………………………………………………………………A BIG CONFIDENCE bordering upon insanity”

 Now, how do you actually boost your confidence…Well, there are many ways but the one that impressed me the most was when one of my friends right here in IIMB had two bottles of Beer bang before the interview. Result…Selected. That’s confidence for starters.

 Those bunch of sadists behind the desks are out to GET YOU. No Doubts. So what do you do to counter them…GET THEM FIRST.

 How do you do that? Imagine a situation:

Interviewer: “ Ok Boy, so you are smart and think you are eligible to be selected, but can you tell me the forces that act upon the the head of the stereo system of the car when the car is running at 100 kmph”. (You actually have to be Nuts to know that)…but anyway the question has been posed and such questions are generally directed to show you how incapable you are, to put you under pressure and to vent out the desperation on the part of the interviewer that arises from he himself having been a stupidly low performer in life. And you know what…such questions will more often pertain to the subject that you have scored the least in your college (The interviewer has your report card in his hand, so he is all the more sure you won’t be able to answer that). Now how do candidates generally face such questions (Assuming they actually don’t know the answer)

 The Prepared Modest Mind says:

“ Sir, I am Sorry, I don’t know the answer to that question”…Wow, humbleness exemplified especially with that “Sorry”…why the hell on the face of this earth do you need to be “Sorry” for not knowing an answer…as if your (or the interviewer’s) life depended on it. Infact its not needed even if your life actually depended on it. It really beats me for the impulsive urge to say a sorry for every…anyway forget it…no philosophy here.

 The Unprepared “Confident for no reason” mind says (this is a real life answer to a similarly profound question that was posed to one of your colleagues in IIMB):

 “Sir, Look into the report card, do you see the grade I have got in that subject…its an “E” which is the lowest one can get. If I didn’t know an answer to that question back in college, how do you expect me to know it now you DODO (…. no, that’s in your mind, you don’t speak out that last part)”.

 Ok, so now you know how to get blunt with them (No, these answers are not for the weak at heart or risk averse people…these bunch of guys need to follow the rules, mug up everything you see around and better know the answers to all the questions that will be posed to you).

 Now, how do you turn the interviews to your favor, especially after giving a wrong answer and realizing that it’s wrong?

-         The Golden rule here is “When in doubt…Obfuscate” (Now please don’t start drawing references to a similar liner from the movie “Scent of a Woman”)

-         Use the conjunctions to the hilt “…blah…. blah…BUT…blah…. blah…AND…BECAUSE…AND THEN………BUT AGAIN…blah…. blah… blah…”…keep on speaking till the next question is posed to you. Make stories…use all your creative juices to the final drop. Don’t Stop.

Its an ART friends…watch the interviewer like a watch dog…pay attention to his gesticulations, his tone of question, his eyebrows (as they are raised), his eyes (whether they are focused on you or on the door)…and keep modifying your answers as per these observations…If the interviewer happens to be of opposite sex, wear a constant smile on your face (that is if you don’t have yellow teeth)…break down their defenses. Let them play into your hands.

I was actually supposed to write about Interviews and GDs but I guess its getting a wee bit too long…so will end here but I am mentioning a few successful real life interview experiences of my friends and myself below…which is how I believe an interview should be, where no one has the advantage just because he or she is sitting on the other side of the desk…it gives them no license to torture you. You have a right to your sanity…before and after the interview…so FIGHT for it.

Case 1 (One of IIM Interviews of a friend):

Interviewer: What’s your Hobby?

Candidate: Nothing Sir

Interviewer: C’mon, that’s not possible, you must be doing something in your spare time?

Candidate: No sir.

Interviewer: You must have at least read books, magazines, novels in your spare time.

Candidate: No Sir

Interviewer: Ok, what do you do just before you sleep.

Candidate: I gaze at the sky.

Interviewer: What do you see there.

Candidate: Stars

Interviewer: Ok tell me, have you observed a bright spot in the sky recently.

Candidate: I don’t watch that Closely Sir.

Case 2 (My Infosys Interview):

Interviewer: Why do divers dive vertically into the swimming pool?

Me: Sir, its common sense.

Interviewer: What do you mean?

Me: Sir they will get hurt if they dive in horizontally.

Interviewer: Talk like an Engineer.

Me: Ok Sir…Pressure = Force/Area…so if Area of the body contacting the water is more, force will be high and hence more hurt.

Interviewer: Are you sure it’s the area that’s varying…or is it the pressure.

Me (In my mind…Abe kyun confuse kar raha hai...): Sir As I have shown you P = F/A… and we have three terms in this equation…so its one among them that definitely varies. Its either pressure, force or the area!!! (with a big naughty smile on my face)

Case 3 (A lady colleague of mine from Infosys in IIMA interview):

Interviewer: Where is Kerala?

Lady: East coast of India Sir.

Interviewer: Oh…East Coast … Do you know where is East?

Lady: Yes Sir.

Interviewer: Tell me

Lady: Sir, stand at 0 degree longitude and look towards left…that’s East.

Interviewer: Ya…I see. Do you know where does the Sun rise?

Lady. Yes Sir.

Interviewer: Where.

Lady: Everywhere.

So, you see interviews can be such fun. I don’t say that if you behave or reply in the way shown in the examples above, you will get through, but at the end of the day you would have had fun, you wouldn’t have demeaned yourself in the self pitying “Sorry Sir” rituals when you didn’t know the answer. You wouldn’t have been cowered down by those wolves-behind-the-desk characters, who derive their power just from the position of their chair,  for wearing the dress that you like, for keeping the French cut that you love so much, for wearing the western formal dress instead of a saree that supposedly symbolizes your love for India (I never realized that a saree packed in so much of patriotism…hah). You wouldn’t have become an object of desperation venting by those characters because they haven’t been performing well back home. Offering yourself for an interview for selection of any kind should not turn into a game of one-upmanship.

At the end of the day you would have successfully maintained your individuality and dignity intact. You would be satisfied with your existence. If the interviewers would have had any fair sense of selection they would select you over a thousand others “Sorry sir” characters, because at the end of the day any company or educational institution is made proud by people who match others in the eye and not the ones who are perennially drowned in the boot licking syndrome in the vast sea of self pitying modesty.