(Scene: Meeting table, Todd face down as if exhausted. Susan and Julie enter, chatting)
Susan: So, Bob goes and gets some wood, and throws it in the fireplace, when my mom tells him that it's a gas fireplace! (Both laugh, then notice Bob) Bob, you OK?
Bob (slowly lifting head): Yeah, long Christmas day. Why can't we have the 26th off to recover?
Julie: Work, Bob. You know, the paycheck?
Bob: Yeah, I know. I just wish Christmas were different. I'm tired of spending the day with people I don't really like getting gifts that I have to waste all kinds of time returning. Maybe someone should just declare that everyone give money, so we can just go buy what we want!
Susan: Come on, Bob, it can't be that bad. I mean, my aunt Betty makes us a fruitcake every year, but that's just tradition. Besides, a day with family? That's always good!
Bob: Well, let's see: Mom gave me her world famous chocolate chip cookies, complete with sugar substitute, whole wheat flour, natural maple syrup, and carub chips instead of chocolate. Yum, yum! My brother got me a Chia head. Said it looked like me. Oh, and who could forget the mixed nuts that Carla gave me? The ones that were passed around and gone before I got two handfuls.
Julie: Oh, don't be such a grinch! You must have gotten *something* you liked.
Bob: Hmm... The blinking, singing santa claus tie was interesting, for the first minute. But then we couldn't turn it off. "Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, coming down Santa Claus lane.." I'll NEVER get that song out of my head!
Susan: Laughing. So what about your kids? Didn't you have fun with them?
Bob: Oh, yeah. Going over to my ex's house and watching the kids open $300 presents from her and her new live in boyfriend is just great. When they *finally* got around to the new nerf footballs I bought them, it was a major letdown. I can still my ex's condescending tone 'Oh, isn't that nice... Daddy bought you a ... football.'
Julie: Gee, sorry you didn't enjoy Christmas this year, Bob. Maybe next year?
Bob: Next year? Oh, I'm sure my family will become more thoughtful about the gifts I get, and the work Christmas party will be dry, so I can go home sober for once, and I'm going to actually make enough money to get my kids something *GOOD* for Christmas, and my wife will almost certainly voluntarily let me have the kids unsupervised for a day, too. Uh huh. Sure. Why even bother doing Christmas? There must be something more to Christmas than this!
© 2001 Michael Faber