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Dan: I'm sorry. It's nice meeting you.
Prue: You too. ( Dan leaves )
Phoebe: I saw him first.
Piper: Demons now, drooling later.
Piper: Well, apparently we've got our clothes to lose.
Phoebe: I see that. ( Phoebe is taking of her clothes )
Piper: No.. Whoa, whoa. Wait. What are you doing ?
Phoebe: When in Rome.
Piper: No. No. No. We're not in Rome, Phoebe. We're in California and it's illegal here.
Rob: Clubs are an extremely high risk business, Piper. You could lose your shirt.
Piper: Well, it wouldn't be the first time today.
Phoebe: When did the Woogie man come unvanquished?
Piper: A couple seconds ago.
Morris: Andy told me to tell you that if anything were to happen to him that it wouldn't be your fault. He didn't want to you to blame yourself.
Prue: Too late.
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Phoebe: What did you buy ?
Piper: Doody.
Prue: We weren't out of that.
Piper: No, I stepped in it again. That man has turned our front walk into a puppy minefield.
Prue: Did he see you ?
Phoebe: So what if he did ? What's he gonna do ? Cry witch ?
Piper: What's going on ?
Prue: I don't know, but I could really get used to this. Check me out. I don't just work at Bucklands, I own it. And three more. Paris, Tokyo and London.
Piper: And you're blond.
Prue: Yeah, strange.
Prue: Oh, surprise. Here we go, up the stairs, into the attic, grabbing the Book of Shadows. Please tell me we're still not gonna be doing this in ten years ?
Piper: Apparently not.
Prue: What ?
Piper: The book is gone.
Piper: Don't people txtly break out of prison?
Guard: Freeze!
Piper: Good idea.
Phoebe: Wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing. Our job is to protect the innocent, not punish the guilty.
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Prue: Stop. You're obsessing.
Piper: Well, it runs in the family.
Prue: I don't obsess. I think.. intensely.
Dan: She needs help with a paper. It's for Bio class, you know, something with the human reproductive system?.
Piper: Oh, ..you mean sex.
Dan: It's just way to awkward for me to talk to my nice about.
Piper: Yeah,.. sure, not to worry. I have plenty of experience.
Dan: Really.. with.. with sex ?
Piper: No.. I mean, uh.. talking about it. Yeah.
Piper: I don't want to live forever. I don't want to spend the rest of my life time trapped in a painting, hanging on some wall, wearing a broken shoe.
Prue: Well, neither do I but there is a solution.
Piper: You call that a solution ? Braving endless fireballs to get a message to Phoebe ?
Piper: Hey, how did you get the collar from Malcolm ?
Phoebe: Oh, I used a very complex, very different kind of smarts.
Prue: You picked his pocket.
Phoebe: I picked his pocket.
Piper: Phoebe !
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Piper: What is that ?
Phoebe: It's a balloon.
Piper: Okay, where is it ?
Phoebe: Where is what ?
Piper: The spoonful of sugar big enough to hide that thing.
Phoebe: You're looking at her.
Phoebe: He's huge and ugly, I really think we need a bigger balloon.
Piper: Maybe we just came in to soon.
Phoebe: Maybe he saw the poison.
Piper: Well in any case, the spook's spooked.
Morris: Right, and this where you say Daryl, and I say Prue and you say something like 'what are you doing here'.
Piper: I wish we could just stuff his head in a toilet and make him cough up the demon.
Phoebe: Oh, honey, still upset with Leo ?
Piper: I'm talking about Carlton.
Phoebe: I can't keep up.
Piper: Listen up skid mark, You tell us how to save Jenny and get Elvis out of the building, or spending an eternity in hell is gonna be the least of your worries.
Leo: Couple of months ago, when I almost died and you saved my life. I left and you said.. that you loved me.
Piper: I thought you were gone.
Leo: Well, sometimes I linger.. Did you mean it ?
Piper: Yeah, I meant it.. You.. you linger ?
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Phoebe: But every night it's with a different man.. telling me that I'm irresistible and then we.. well let just say we could win the gold metal in the Hugh Hefner Olympics.
Piper: And this is a bad thing ?
Phoebe: No. It's a good thing. It's.. it's a very good thing. Until I kill them.
Piper: That's how your dream ends ? You kill the guy ?
Phoebe: Each and every night, Piper. I told you something is wrong with me.
Piper: There's nothing wrong with you. It's a dream. A metaphor for for extreme sexual frustration. Trust me, I should know.
Phoebe: I could feel his body shake uncontrollably beneath mine.
Piper: And now you're making me sick.
Phoebe: How do you think I feel ? I'm living it. I can still taste his blood.
Piper: Okay !
Prue: How can I save anyone ? Okay, I look ridiculous. I'm wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriend pile. I have hair in strange places and I have a penis.
Phoebe: Uh, did Manny just check out that girls butt ?
Piper: Oh God, this is starting to get weird.
Phoebe: It's starting to get weird ? Where ya been ?
Manny/Prue: I don't know. I was trying to use it and it wouldn't work. And then I felt like I was.. huh.
Phoebe: Impotent ?
Manny/Prue: You know, a little advice about men, Phoebe. When we fail at something, generally we don't like to hear that we're...
Phoebe: Impotent ?
Manny/Prue: Yeah !
Manny/Prue: Well, we gotta be missing something. You two keep looking. I gotta go take a leak.
Piper & Phoebe: Don't forget to put the seat down !
Manny/Prue: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Kyle: So, you guys kick some butt or what ?
Phoebe: Or what.
Phoebe: Okay, this is the potion to induce sleep, this one is to repel an evil threat and that one puts out a fire.
Prue: What kind of potion does that ?
Phoebe: None. That's water. I didn't have a lot of time, it was the best that I could do, okay ?
Phoebe: Well, for what it's worth. I think Jack is pretty cute.
Prue: Yeah, well, he's a jerk. How do I look ?
Phoebe: Fab.
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Prue: Wait, you have to know if there's a warlock test.
Piper: Me ? How would I know ?
Prue: I mean, well, you are a warlock magnet.
Piper: Am I never going to live Jeremy down ? You know, you had that Rex and Hannah thing at work.
Prue: Okay, fine. You got them in your love life, I got them at the water cooler.
Piper ( thinking ): Yeah, next time get your own damn lipstick.
Prue ( thinking ): I heard that.
Piper ( thinking ): I love you.
Prue ( thinking ): Bite me.
Eric: Are you sure you're no angel ?
Phoebe: No, I'm no angel. I could probably introduce you to one though.
Phoebe: ( thinking ) What if we're to late ?
Piper: Phoebe, stop thinking that.
Phoebe: Will you get out of my mind please.
Prue: You don't recognize Eric ?
Phoebe: No. Why ? Should I ? Should I ?
Piper: What's the last thing you remember ?
Phoebe: The Halloween party.
Piper: That was three weeks ago.
Phoebe: Oh.
Jack: I just, I wanted to apologize. Can I take you for dinner ?
Prue: I don't think so.
Jack: Come on. Let me buy you a drink.
Prue: I don't think so.
Jack: Well, can I at least get my phone back ?
Prue: I don't think so.
Piper: Oh, that's um, that's probably Dan.
Prue: You know, he does live like twenty feet away. I mean, you guys could get walkie talkies, two cans a string.
Piper: Point taken, mum.
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Prue: Hello, this is Prue.
Jack: Hey. How's my favorite auctionette ?
Prue: Fine, how's my favorite auction-ass ?
Jack: Ooh, nice one.
Phoebe: Sam ? Be very, very quiet. We're hunting demons.
Phoebe: Hi. Do you recognize that person ?
Prue: I don't know, she looks vaguely familiar. Kind of like a sister we used to have. What was here name ? Pi.. P..
Phoebe: Pi.. Pippy ?
Prue: Pipper ?
Phoebe: Whatever happened to her ?
Prue: I don't know. She fell in lust with the next door neighbor, started spending all of her time there.
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Piper: Freeze.
Phoebe: Kick.
Prue: Send flying.
Piper: Okay.
Prue: A hit woman. Someone obviously hired her. Someone who knew that we have powers. I mean look.
Piper: Prue ? telekinesis, Piper ? power to freeze, Phoebe ? negligible.
Phoebe: What ? Negligible ?
Phoebe: Come on in. Thanks for coming so fast. We need you to baby-sit.
Darryl: Is this one breathing ?
Phoebe: Yes, this one is breathing.
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Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe you're Cupid ?
Cupid: So you guys can believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me ?
Piper: Where's the chubby baby ?
Phoebe: Guys.
Prue: And the bow and arrow ?
Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats ?
Piper: You're still gonna have to back up the Cupid claim.
Cupid: Okay, fine. (to Piper) Dan. (to Prue) Jack. (to Phoebe) Clay. (to Prue) Andy, my sincerest condolences. Eric in London, Allen in college. (to Piper) Not Jeremy the warlock, Joe in college, Tim in eight grade. (to Phoebe) Ken, Kyle, Steve, Mike, Ken again, Brian, Joel, Martin, Peter, Paul, Tony.
Phoebe: Okay, you know I didn't love all those guys, right ?
Prue: Jack's scum.
Piper: So's Dan.
Prue: Are you scum ?
Piper: No, I'm not scum.
Prue: I knew you weren't.
Piper: Okay, so much for loving him to death. What do we do with him now ?
Phoebe: Same thing, only different.
Prue: Been there, blew that.
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Piper: Oh, no. He's like a car alarm. The smallest vibration just sets him off and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Phoebe: She's got baby issues.
Prue: Mmm, I know.
Prue: Yeah, just think of it as a test run.
Piper: I don't need a test run. I remember when Phoebe was a baby and it was hard on mum and endless and with you dropping her all the time.
Phoebe: What ?
Prue: Oh, moving on.
Piper: Wow, you're like MacGyver with estrogen.
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Piper: Oh, I am so glad to see you.
Phoebe: Is that because I am now "Phoebe Halliwell, college student".
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Prue: Oh, we so have to cancel your Martha Stewart subscription.
Piper: When I start making flower boxes out of milk cartons, then you can shoot me.
Piper: Why don't they make a card that says "You used to be my whitelighter and now you're wings are clipped and you're sleeping in my club.
Phoebe: Or how about "You snooze you lose and now I'm getting naked with the neighbor ".
Piper: Oh. Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of a supernatural smack down ?
Phoebe: It's part of our charm.
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Piper: Her lover ? Who was that ?
Leo: It was me.
Piper: Wh..
Leo: Or rather, past me.
Piper: Him ?
Piper: Hold it. Wait a minute. You knew that we were lovers before and you didn't tell me ? What did it just slip your mind ?
Leo: No. I just..
Piper: You just what ? I'm getting a migraine.
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Phoebe: Twenty eight minutes, thirty three seconds.
Piper: Really, we ran that long?
Phoebe: No, I've been timing how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan.
Piper: Don't act blonde, Phoebe. You cast a spell, didn't you?
Piper: Oh my god.
Prue: Uh, what are you guys doing here?
Phoebe: We're rescuing you... from the tall dark and naked man.
Prue: I told you to stay away.
Phoebe: Yeah, now I know why. He is yummy.
Piper: I don't believe this. We've been frantic, worried sick about you, thinking you've been kidnapped...
Prue: Yeah, I was.
Piper: (pointing over to the corner) Panties...
Prue: Huh, thanks. Look uh, you guys have really got this all, um, wrong.
Piper: Yeah, we know. It's a trap.
Phoebe: A tall dark and naked trap.
Piper: First I'd like to tell you how relieved I am you're okay.
Phoebe: Me too.
Piper: And second I'd like to tell you that you have completely lost your mind.
Phoebe: Completely lost your mind!
Prue: Thank you for saving my life.
Bane: Thank you for changing mine.
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Phoebe: You're thinking too much again. Stop trying to predict the future, alright. That's my job. Just follow your heart, honey. Good things will happen.
Piper: What would I do without you ?
Phoebe: Oh, suffer endlessly, no doubt.
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Phoebe: Piper, what are you doing? Those are your favorite boots.
Piper: I know. Demon blood from one of our vanquishings. And I can't get it out and I can't exactly explain it to the shoe repair guy now can I? It's the third damn pair this month!
Piper: Sometimes being a witch sucks!
Prue: Have you contacted the police yet?
Aunt Gail: And tell them what, that I think there's a demon running loose in our streets? They'd think I was crazy.
Piper: Try getting your boots cleaned.
Prue: Phoebe, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing glasses. I mean I wear them.
Phoebe: I know but you're older. Well you are.
Prue: Right. Well you know, I really hope the demon of vanity isn't after you because your soul would be toast.
Prue: It stinks.
Piper: This is what I'm saying.
Phoebe: Besides, do you have a better idea?
Piper: Go home and call it a day?
Prue: Funny. Come on.
Phoebe: Piper, come on.
Prue: Piper, what's the matter?
Piper: I've had it.
Phoebe: What do you mean you've had it? You've had it with what?
Piper: With being a witch.
Prue: Oh.
Phoebe: Just help us get our powers back. Please? We can't do it without you.
Prue: We won't do it without you.
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Phoebe: Did I mention that Billy was the perfect man?
Prue: Once or twice.
Prue: Yeah, well, the house is a mess again. I mean how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping or even that really big bald guy, Mr. Clean? I would so totally take him on.
Piper: Hi Dan, and Dan's date.
Dan: Amelia this is Leo? and Piper.
Piper: Amelia, as in someone I just work with Amelia?
Dan: Um, here's your salt.
Piper: Thanks!
Finley: So when is this photographer blessing us with his presence?
Prue: That would be me.
Finley: You're twelve.
Prue: Oh, I'm good.
Phoebe: Here I am talking about the shortage of perfect men and in orbs yours.
Piper: It wasn't much of a date last night. Wanna find a couple seats in the back and make out before demon hunting?
Phoebe: Hello, privacy!
Prue: Hello, ex murderer!
Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?!
Phoebe: So maybe this is the only way that the psychos know how to die is how they were killed on screen.
Piper: Well how am I supposed to know that? I'm a romantic comedy girl. Why go to the horror movies when they come to us?
Billy: It's okay. The man is here to save the day.
Prue: Billy, it's the twenty first century. It's the woman's job to save the day.
Prue: You can love the work but not the man.
Piper: What if you love them both?
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Phoebe: It's 8:00, it's 8:00. I'm late for my finals.
Piper: Phoebe, whoa, relax, it's Thursday. Your finals are tomorrow.
Phoebe: It's Thursday ?
Piper: Yes.
Phoebe: Today is Thursday. You sure ? Okay, that's really good news.
Piper: Dan and Leo. I found them in here beating the crap out of each other and neither one of them will tell me why.
Phoebe: Oh. Well, I hate to top that but I am dealing with a ghost who doesn't know she's a ghost. She thinks she's still alive.
Piper: Eww.
Phoebe: So I went back to the library and I saw her ghost you know, and I tried to tell her, but I just couldn't.
Piper: You're right, yours tops mine.
Piper: Leave it to me to fall in love with an angel who happens to be married.
Prue: Hey. Oh, good, I was looking for that. Wait, what are you doing with the book ?
Phoebe: Oh, I'm looking for the demon that's gonna kill me. I just love getting those premonitions.
Prue: Oh, okay, what premonition ? When ?
Phoebe: About an hour ago. Right after I was trying to tell Charlene that she's dead.
Prue: I'm lost.
Phoebe: Oh, sorry, wrong sister.
Piper: Where are we going ?
Phoebe: We'll explain on the way there.
Piper: Who's that ?
Phoebe: Let's go, let's go. That's my dead friend.
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Leo: Ever done it on a cloud ?
Phoebe: I don't know, does a feather bed count ?
Leo: Uh, Phoebe. I thought you were Piper.
Phoebe: Well, it is here room.
Leo: I am so sorry.
Phoebe: No, no, worries. I mean it could happen to anyone. Especially someone that doesn't have to knock to come in.
Piper: Prue, you're back early.
Prue: Yes, I am, that's because a monkey astral projected to me on the set today.
Phoebe: A monkey ?
Piper: Astral projected ?
Prue: Yeah, and, and it waved at me, okay, like it knew me or something. I think it wanted my help.
Phoebe: I think you're working way too hard.
Prue: B.O.S.
Phoebe: B.O.S. ? Oh, Book of Shadows, Book of Shadows.
Leo: You okay ?
Piper: Well, considering our powers have combined to drive a man crazy, and put who knows how many other people in danger, I'm terrific.
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Phoebe: Not only did I stay awake but I actually enjoyed it. Which is why I bought this book. It's filled with really deep profound questions, would actually make a good bar game at P3.
Piper: Oh, great, solve the problems of the world while doing Jell-O shots.
Phoebe: What just happened ?
Piper: I think we just vanquished our sister.
Strife: Perhaps it was the combination of our chants that opened this vortex.
Phoebe: What language were you chanting in ?
Strife: Actually it's a dead language that we sometimes use for ceremonial purposes.
Piper: How festive.
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