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Piper: How's his rash, does he need ointment?
Paige: I don't know, I've been kind of procrastinating on that one. It's not my favorite thing to check.
Piper: Why? You don't have a problem checking Wyatt.
Paige: Yeah, that's 'cause I don't flash forward to Wyatt being twenty-two like I do with Chris.
Piper: Oh, yeah, eww.
Phoebe: Shakti, also called the ultimate mother, and Shiva together created all things and if they consumate their love again all things will be obliterated and the universe will be reborn.
Paige: Talk about your big bang theory.
Paige: Oh my goodness! You’re going outside? With them?
Piper: Yes. Can I go now? Or do you wanna make fun of me some more?
Paige: I’d really like to make fun of you some more, but I'll wait until you get back.
Leslie: So do you kiss all of the new employees on the first day here?
Phoebe: No. Men do not give good advice.
Leslie: What about Dr. Phil?
Paige: Stinky diaper!
Phoebe: Elise! I'm so sorry I'm late! It won't happen again!
Elise: Oh yes it will.
Paige: Tell me what it's like, out there in the world, where men don't poop or spit up on you.
Leo: I haven't felt this potent in years.
Phoebe: Oversharing.
Piper: I can't go. The baby...
Phoebe: Needs to be exposed to a germ or two. Get out of the house, you know, build up his immune system.
Paige: I don't believe what I'm seeing.
Phoebe: Tell me about it. When was the last time you saw Piper grab Leo's ass?
Piper: Is this a wedding or an orgy?
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Lady Godiva: And thank you...for giving me a glimpse of what's to come.
Phoebe: Thank you...for showing us you're more than a box of chocolates.
Lady Godiva: I'm sorry?
Phoebe: Uh, those are my sisters...
Leslie: I thought you just had two.
Phoebe: Yeah, the other one is a cousin... distant cousin... twice removed.
Paige: Well, we can't stay out here, we're attracting too much attention.
Piper: Yeah and we don't want to get flogged.
Leslie: For someone taking a break - you sure have given this a lot of thought.
Piper: You are not writing a letter to 'Ask Phoebe' about my breast!
Paige: I think the demon did something to that elder, got him to free up his repressed anger or something.
Phoebe: Oh probably wasn't breast fed as a child.
Piper: Phoebe!
Phoebe: What?
Piper: Woman. Keep your clothes on. This is a family show. Really.
Piper: See what I mean? We have bigger naked breasts to worry about.
Phoebe: Paige has her naked breasts to worry about, I've got yours.
Paige: Remember when Leo used to come when you called him?
Piper: Uh huh.
Paige: Hello? Heal. Ouch. Hurt!
Paige: Don't ask, it'll just give you a headache.
Paige: I warned you about the headache thing, right?
Phoebe: Oh, can everyone have a cause but me?
Piper: Yes!
Piper: I pretty much tell you guys when I'm pissed off.
Phoebe: That's a good point.
Paige: Sometimes I feel repressed being the little sister.
Piper: What? You wanna be the oldest sister? Get over it!
Paige: I'm over it.
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Piper: She said now, Phoebe.
Phoebe: I heard her, Piper!
Piper: Today Phoebe!
Phoebe: Geez you're so bossy.
Piper: Why don't you just marry him already?
Phoebe: Well, why don't you just marry Leo!
Piper: Because I already did!
Grams: Piper, far be it for me to meddle but...
Piper: Then don't.
Phoebe: Something happened after we summoned Grams.
Piper: What!? Why? Why did you summon Grams?
Grams: You mean she is still lying about her age? Um... wh... (מבחינה בפיבי ופייג', היא מסתובבת - ) Not a good time, girls. I'm busy.
Paige: You're dead.
Grams: Well, it doesn't mean I can't have a life.
Piper: You know, I don't understand why you guys have to be so mean to Leo, you know. In case you haven't heard, he's kind of going through a hard time right about now. I mean, geez!
Grams: Do you remember the first time you were this age, when I sat you and your sisters down and we had the talk?
Piper: Grams, I already know all about sex, and no offence but I don't want to talk about with you because that's really gross.
Piper: So what did you tell us?
Grams: That my being a witch was such an important part of my life and what it meant to me, and what it might mean to you someday.
Piper: Did you tell us that Prue and mom were gonna die? That Leo was gonna lose his marbles? Or that demons were gonna be chasing after us all the time everywhere?
Victor: Don't want me looking up the old boyfriends huh?
Grams: They were in a much bigger book, thank you.
Seer: See I have a problem, you kinda have a temper, and if I don't tell you, well you'll probably choke me to death, and if I do tell you and you don't like the answer, well, then, you'll probably choke me to death.
Phoebe: Mommy! I met this boy and he's really, really cute!
Paige: Grams, are you coming down?
Phoebe: Ugh, she's being a martyr.
Paige: Grams, please.
Piper: Last call, woman.
Grams: Oh, very well.
Grams: I'm sorry I thought you were evil, not that you could blame me.
Leo: That's an apology?
Victor: I'd take it if I were you.
Piper: Phoebe and Leslie, sittin in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g.
Victor: Why is my daughter a statue?
Grams: She'll be fine. She'll thaw out in a minute.
Paige: Wyatt, where did you orb your little brother?
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Phoebe: What am I gonna tell him? We're robbing a museum!
Paige: Do I look like a ma'am to you?
Piper: Morning, sunshine.
Paige: I was just at Magic School taking Wyatt to the nursery, he's fine I might add, and a student bumped into me and said, "Excuse me..."
Piper: A kid with manners? Alert the authorities.
Paige: You didn't let me finish. He said, "Excuse me, ma'am." Do I look like a ma'am?
Paige: This seems like a job for the young kick ass Charmed Ones!
Paige: Sorry, I don't speak pirate, matey.
Leo: You'll think I'm crazy.
Piper: I already think you're crazy.
Paige: I am far too young to be old!
Paige: You're gonna go deaf first. Remember, you're the older sister.
Piper: Yeah, I love you too.
Piper: Oh, just you know...pirates.
Phoebe: Pirates? You mean like hot Johnny Depp pirates?
Piper: Yeah...probably not.
Phoebe: Yo ho hello!
Piper: Did you just call me a ho?
Parrot: Shiver me witches. Shiver me witches.
Piper: Oh you have got to be kidding me!
Phoebe: If we pull this off, Paige owes me Prada.
Piper: And babysitting for year.
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Piper: What's he doing here?
Paige: Probably watching me talk to myself.
Sirk: The sisters had Death's list. They knew who I was trying to kill!
Seer: And you knew about the woman's unborn child! Foreknowledge is a bitch sometimes.
Paige: Stop yelling at Death!
Policeman: Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
Paige: It's okay...
Piper: Could you sound a little more upset, please?
Seer: Hello? I'm a Seer, I saw that coming!
Piper: You're stalling.
Paige: I know, but you can't blame a girl for trying.
Phoebe: Dude, you're dead. Start acting the part.
Piper: I have two kids and a business and I still find time to fight demons too! It's not our fault you can't keep up!
Seer: Just because we're demons doesn't mean we have to be all...ew.
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Paige: Well, he's fine now, though. You know, we dis-possessed him.
Brody: Wait - you did what?
Paige: Well, we got rid of the demon. We get possessed all the time - it's no big deal.
Piper: Great. Now not only am I exhausted, but I'm starving.
Phoebe: Ooh. I see your "exhausted" and your "starving" and I raise you "bloated".
Phoebe: So when can we talk?
Leslie: I don't know, maybe, tonight at dinner.
Phoebe: Oh I can't do it tonight, but I can do breakfast tomorrow and then maybe dinner and then maybe breakfast again.
Phoebe: You know for a whitelighter you are very wimpy.
Phoebe: Oh that is so sad.
Paige: Eh, eh, eh, no weeping. You promised.
Odin: No. What I saw was what I never would've imagined. The Charmed Ones turning into demons.
Phoebe: No, that wasn't demonic. That was, you know, that time of the month.
Paige: Hey, maybe he's pulling away from you because hmmm, maybe he's... I dunno...leaving.
Paige: What happened?
Odin: You attacked us.
Phoebe: Oh really, then how come I'm the one with the headache?
Paige: We're demons?
Piper: No, Paige, we are not demons.
Phoebe: We're monsters.
Paige: Okay, I knew we were a little testy this time of the month, but this is just crazy!
Phoebe: Oh that was just the blue moon. It won't happen for another 50 years.
Piper: Yeah, and by that time we'll just be a menace to our rest home. So I think you're safe.
Leo: Piper, you can't blow up a whitelighter.
Phoebe: Why not? She blows you up all the time.
Leo: What's going on with you guys?
Piper: Witches with PMS. Look out.
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Paige: So?
Phoebe: So we don't do fires. Firemen do fires. We do fireballs.
Phoebe: Leo, you get your butt down here right now or we will summon your ass!
Phoebe: Leo needs some serious help.
Paige: What else is new?
Phoebe: Oh God, is he talking to that helicopter?
Paige: He's really cool.
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Brody: You turned me into a felon, you know that, right? Breaking and entering, vandalism, theft.
Paige: It's a fiction story in a fiction world. I highly doubt we're breaking any laws.
Paige: You give her back her mouth right now!
Eddie: Of all the books in all the libraries in all the world, you gotta get sucked into this one.
Paige: Well I'm thinking as long as we're down here, we might as well have some fun.
Brody: Yeah, Well, you have fun. I'm gonna just survive.
Piper: But you said he was shot. Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the "g" silent?
Ms. Donovan: Lord of the Rings?
Gnome Professor: Historically inaccurate!
Ms. Donovan: Harry Potter?
Gnome Professor: Filled with juvenile delinquents.
Ms. Donovan: Even the Wizard of Oz?!
Gnome Professor: Diparaging to little people. Munchkins being persecuted. Filth!
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Leo: We're not a threat. We're trying to save the world from itself.
Phoebe: Wait. Did he just say "we"? I think he just said "we."
Paige: I just want this demon to attack soon, so I can make my breakfast date with Kyle.
Phoebe: Yeah... See, breakfast is not a date. Dinner's a date. Lunch is definitely... maybe a date. Breakfast? Always just breakfast.
Phoebe: If it weren't for sleep deprivation, I'd be okay.
Paige: Okay, he's cracked.
Phoebe: Absolutely.
Phoebe: Parking in this city sucks.
Phoebe: What's this? Are you making spaghetti sauce?
Piper: No, that's demon blood.
Phoebe: We just think that you're so eager to avoid Leo that you might have miscalculated this demon attack.
Paige: What she said.
Leo: You can't walk out of this!
Piper: You're right. Let's orb.
Piper: Are you sure those are gonna work?
Paige: Yes. As sure as I can be at 5 AM.
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Zankou: Hello, Sugar.
Seer: Did I call you that ever? What I meant to say was, "Hello, swirling particles of scum".
Piper: Why in the hell would a powerful demon wanna be made human?
Seer: Exactly, hell being the operative word. As in I live there and it sucks.
Phoebe: How's it going in there?
Paige: Not loving the demon interruptus.
Leo: They want us to protect a demon.
Piper: They want us to do what?
Leo: They want us to protect a demon, just until...
Piper: Yeah, no, I heard you the first time. And the answer is absolutely not! This is how things spiral out of control.
Seer: Well, I'd still take good that's not always good over bad that's never good.
Seer: Go easy on him. His wife's had him sleeping on the couch all week.
Darryl: How does she know that?
Phoebe: Seer. Get it? She sees things.
Seer: It's a smart question... one I'm sure to answer for you once I get my labpoo and the ability to feel.
Leo: Look, I'm the same old Leo.
Piper: Only ... not! Is this how you went from psycho crazy guy to happy-happy guy? Because you became an Avatar?
Piper: Even you made the Avatar future seem threatening.
Seer: Well, duh. If I made it sound peachy, you wouldn't have helped me.
Phoebe: Paige, demon, no active powers, do something!
Seer: Is that my bad luck or yours?
Seer: Furies. Toxic. Heavy in the 'ick'. Hate me. Grimlocks. Heavy on the 'grim'. Hate me.
Seer: So why did the Elders tell you to come and get me? They know we had a thing?
Seer: Oh, that's it right there. If you're not going to get a premonition, you can at least try and untie that knot.
Seer: That surly one's your wife?
Piper: Surly!?
Seer: Just don't let him eat the eggplant!
Piper: What's wrong with my eggplant?
Phoebe: Forget happy endings, we can't even have happy beginnings.
Phoebe: My little girl... oh, gosh, she was so cute.
Seer: Yeah. Not normally big on the rug rats, but she was cute.
Seer: Everything is going to be great. And later tonight, everything's going to be really, really great.
Paige: Really?
Paige: I'm dressed. I'm not changing. Go away.
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Leo: So, what's the problem?
Piper: Burning toast.
Leo: What?
Piper: The toast, it's burning. Now, see, there's a question. Your Avatar friends are promising this big, bright future. Um, will there be burning toast?
Zankou: Where is the third one?
Phoebe: Errmm,... You know what? We're not really sure, so why don't you just come back later, okay?
Paige: What? What's going on?
Piper: Oh you know, nothing... your boyfriend tried to kill my husband...
Zankou: His name is Leo. Ring any Elder bells?
(פייפר מפוצצת מנורה).
Phoebe: Hey! Do you mind?
Piper: Sorry, just checking.
Phoebe: Oh, it's okay. I never liked that lamp really anyway.
Paige: He's pretty devastated, you know? But I think eventually he'll be okay. I mean, you have to be. It's Utopia, right?
Piper: Alright. What do you want from me? I'll kill her later.
Phoebe: Zankou. How do they come up with these names?
Piper: After all these years, you're gonna ask now?
Ronnie: What do you say we go and get rich?
Denise: Okay, but only if we can blow up my ex-husband afterwards.
Ronnie: Sure.
Phoebe: No, my premonitions are much bigger than that.
Ronnie: What's bigger than winning the lottery?
Phoebe: The sooner we help Kyle find out the truth, the sooner we can all move on.
Piper: Move on to what?
Phoebe: I know the power-switching spell is in here somewhere. We've used it before.
Piper: Yeah, and if I remember correctly, didn't it bite us in the ass?... I'm just sayin'.
Piper: So, I'm having second thoughts. Sue me.
Piper: Okay so, small gesture here. Small, nothing too hard. Don't want to blow up the sister, okay?
Ronnie: Who the hell are you?
Phoebe: Short version, I'm a witch, and you have my power of premonition, and if you don't come with me, you're probably gonna get killed by a demon. Got it?
Piper: Well, the powers went out the window, didn't they?
Leo: So you expect to find them laying around on the front lawn?
Denise: You guys fight demons here all the time, don't you?
Piper: Pretty much. Why?
Denise: See, I always thought that you just threw a bunch of wild parties. You know, things breaking, people screaming. I had no idea.
Piper: Yeah. Well, at least now you know why we never invited you.
Leo: What more do you need to know?
Piper: Well, if you'd let me finish a damn sentence, I'd tell ya.
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Brody: Are you an Elder?
Zankou: Hardly.
Brody: I'm not going to help you. I can't. I won't. I mean, you're demons!
Zankou: Remind me why I tolerate you again?
Laygan: Because you're running low on demons.
Paige: I did not sign up for this experiment so you could play God!
Piper: Why didn't he choose me? You think he's seeing someone else?
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Alpha: I'm sorry this didn't work out. For your sakes as well as ours.
Zankou: Touching. I'm gonna miss you guys.
Leo: Let's make something clear. If we succeed, we'll still be enemies. And I can make you a promise - it will only be a matter of time before good defeats evil.
Zankou: Oh, we'll have to see about that, won't we? Now, if we're finished with the macho posturing, let's get to work.
Zankou: Welcome back, partner.
Leo: We're not partners.
Zankou: Oh no? Then what are you doing here?
Laygan: We'd rather die than leave our trust in the hands of an Elder.
Zankou: Then we will surely die.
Elise: It's like, people have been taking happy pills.
Paige: Alright then, well I'm going to go, mingle.
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Miss Donovan: You ride in here, nearly kill us, and now you want to teach here?
Drake: Well, if I wanted to teach parallel parking, you might have a point, but I'm here for the literature post.
Paige: Oh you. I'm going to hire you just so I can fire you.
Phoebe: You know, then again, I don't have a date for Valentine's Day and he is kind of hot.
Paige: He's hot until you figure out how many people he's killed.
Drake: Most of the world's greatest lovers were brought together during a time of epic conflict. Admittedly, most of them were doomed...
Paige: Have you guys seen the news?
Piper: No. Weren't you at Magic School.
Paige: Yeah...we have satellite.
Piper: Do I really need this today? Or ever?
Piper: Sheridan's back?
Phoebe: Did I forget to mention that?
Drake: I've got...almost nothing to hide.
Phoebe: Piper! Ha! ha! We were just having fun. You know... fun.
Piper: With the demon? Phoebe, how many times have I told you not to play dress-up with the demons?
Drake: I thought you had lots of experience with demons who were human. You married one didn't you?
Phoebe: Yes and how did you know that?
Drake: Gossip.
Drake: Paige needs to trust her instinct and believe in herself again. Phoebe, you need to remember what it feels like to do good, to love. And you honey [Piper], You're just plain mean.
Piper: You'd better watch it.
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Piper: Wait, what are we supposed to do?
Phoebe: What you always do—worry.
Paige: Phoebe, you asked to meet me here at, ahm, 8:22. That's not making the most of your day—that's some sort of weird OCD thing.
Piper: What's my middle name?
Phoebe: Uh...surly?
Piper: That's my girl.
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Paige: He's cute, he's funny, he's smart, and he's destined to leave. I don't know, that kind of sounds like her type to a tee.
Cole: You asked for help. Here I am.
Piper: Like hell. You're the answer to my prayers? I don't think so.
Drake: I've run into a few of those Thorn Demons myself. Those pricks can be vicious - pun intended.
Piper: Since when do you quote Shakespeare?
Cole: It's a recent affliction.
Cole: We're caught in a cosmic void, between life and death.
Piper: I'm stuck with you?
Piper: What are you exactly? Ghost, demon, poltergeist ... nightmare?
Phoebe: How many Halliwell women have actually been able to hold onto their men?
Phoebe: We're destined to be spinsters. All for the greater good.
Piper: Might as well be nuns. With better outfits.
Woman: If you women need a hot meal and a place to crash, there's a...
Paige: Okay, hi. I'm wearing lip gloss. Do I look homeless?
Cole: You always were the smart one.
Piper: Cut the crap.
Cole: And direct. I miss that. Actually, no, I don't.
Piper: Oh no. Am I dead again?
Drake: Leo and Piper's love, it's epic, it's massive. Like Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra....Brad and Jennifer.
Paige: Weren't we here before? I mean, doesn't that mattress looks strangely familiar?
Piper: It's probably because we saw one just like it in the alley and the 150 before of that. They all start to look the same after a while.
Drake: Come on, don't scry for me Argentina.
Piper: I don't know which is worse - the fact that I'm dying or that apparently I'm gonna be spending my last dying moments with you.
Cole: I'd say that's what you should be worried about.
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Piper: My arms are a little sore, but I'm not the one with the hole in my back.
Phoebe: Where are you, Elise? I've been trying to find you all day!
Elise: Yeah, that's funny. I've been avoiding you all day...
Leo: I need you to be supportive... and not drown the plants.
Piper: We're supposed to just sit here and watch you bleed to death!?
Phoebe: Read now, bitch later.
Leo: You're the one who said to improvise.
Piper: Well, since when does anyone listen to me?
Piper: I can't believe we've been miniature for two hours and demons take over the house.
Piper: You used to be a doctor!?
Leo: Yeah, like 60 years ago.
Elise: It's always life and death with you, Halliwells.
Leo: What, you want me to clean Magic School?
Paige: Will you shut that freaking thing off?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, but you gotta admire the range, huh? We're in the underworld. It's pretty good.
Piper: Wyatt Matthew Halliwell, you will stop this nonsense right now!
Leo: Wow, that's the first time you've used his full name.
Piper: Yeah, well it sounds better when I'm scolding him.
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Hope: You blew up my dorm...with your hands!
Piper: Yes, and I am very sorry about that.
Hope: And now you're both calm — like this stuff happens every day!
Piper: Well, it kinda does.
Leo: I think you better orb upstairs before Mommy turns you into a toad.
Phoebe: Magical boys will be magical boys.
Leo: Yeah, well, try telling that to his magical mama.
Nina: Over my dead body.
Katya: That's the thing about you Guardians. You're always dying for that damn box.
Paige: Do you mind?
Phoebe: What?
Paige: Being so psychotically perky, while I am so miserable.
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Piper: You're walking around like a crazy person. That is, when you're not stopping to check yourself out in every shiny surface you walk past.
Paige: How’d you fix up this place? Potions? Spells?
Piper: Better. Husband.
Imara/"Phoebe": Aren’t you cold?
Piper: No, but then again, I actually have clothes on.
Imara/"Phoebe": Yeah, I know, it's kind of skimpy, but it's just so cute I can't help myself.
Leo: You crashed your car?
Paige: It was a rental! I got the insurance…
Leo: You were attacked?
Piper: Yeah, I’m working on that not happening as much.
Phoebe: You want me to live a life too, don’t you?
Piper: Yeah. I guess.
Piper: Well, I’m alive – which the demons won’t be when I’m done with them.
Phoebe: Lawyers! There should be a special place in Hell for each and every one of them.
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Paige: Do you think Wyatt is creating these demons?
Piper: That's ridiculous.
Paige: Well, he created the dragons...
Piper: One! One lousy dragon. You're gonna hold it against him for his entire life?
Paige: It's just with these charges, and these demons attacking —hey, I'm a little scattered.
Piper: And that's different how exactly?
Paige: Okay, I like the Maori people, but I'm pretty okay if I don't see them again.
Wyatt: Aunt Phoebe, it's me, Wyatt.
Phoebe: Wy- what?
Wyatt: This is so amazing.
Phoebe: Did a spell backfire?
Paige: How'd you guess?
Wyatt: I thought you said there's nothing more important than your charges.
Paige: Look, mister, I'm pulling double duty here, okay, so no guilt from the future for me.
Phoebe: Yeah, do you have a better idea?
Paige: Normally yes, but sadly, this time, no.
Paige: Ha, well that's the future me, I'm me now who clearly doesn't have those kind of brilliant thoughts.
Wyatt: Dad! Hey look at you, you haven't changed a bit. Maybe a little less grey and a few pounds lighter.
Leo: What!?
Wyatt: Hey, is this Chris? Oh, my gosh! He's so small. Hey, little brother. Is this before or after he swallowed that marble?
Piper: Marble? What marble?!
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Alchemist: It has been an eternity since we worked together.
Zankou: Ah yes, those were the days. The Crusades, the September massacres, the black plague...
Alchemist: Good times.
Zankou: Good times.
Piper: Traffic was horrible. We should have been home an hour ago.
Leo: Well, we wanted a normal life, right? That means we give up the cosmic taxi.
Piper: Well that doesn't mean I gave up the right to complain about it.
Piper: Mommy wants to teach you a new word. It's called denial.
Phoebe: How do I know you're not Zankou right now?
Piper: Because I'm not.
Phoebe: Prove it.
Piper: Jake Singer. Back seat. Tenth grade.
Leo: Where's Phoebe going?
Paige: Probably to a mental institution.
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Sheridan: Look, you can do whatever you want with them afterwards. You can expose them, hide them, dissect them, I don't care. I just want to be the one to bust them.
Paige: I don't think we're getting out of this one, girls.
Phoebe: How about a love spell? We could make him fall for one of us.
Piper: Sorry, I'm taken.
Phoebe: Yeah well those demons do have a way to keep you warm at night.
Piper: Yeah, but that's only because they have fireballs.
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