Dear Akia,
My life is really one big mess. I was sacked from several jobs due to my gambling and drinking habits. Now my wife wants to divorce me because I pawned all her jewelry. I reacted by beating her up badly. I know what I did was wrong but don't you think a woman should stand by her man no matter what? I have contemplated suicide a few times but didn't have the guts to do it.
GS, Perak

While I don't encourage anyone do it, I think in your case suicide would be the most sincere form of self-criticism.
The Truth: You're a worthless chicken shit loser.

Dear Akia,
I met A when I was in college. He is gentle, caring & handsome, in other words, everything a girl could ask for. Later, B, a colleague came into my life when I first started working. He is not as good looking but gives me the excitement that A lacks. But now I think I've found my Mr Right in newcomer C. He also happens to be rich and generous. I am currently having a relationship with C without A & B's knowledge. Tell me Akia, what should I do? I love A for his kindness, B for being unpredictable and C for his generosity.
Kathy, Penang

Stop playing the alphabet game and tell all the three guys the truth. Then, see how gentle A really is, impulsive B can become or generous C will be... What you actually need in life is D; Dick.
The Truth: You're a slut.

Dear Akia,
I met this girl in my tuition class. She is the most beautiful and gorgeous girl I have ever seen. Naturally, she doesn't know that I exist. I found out about her birthday and sent her an expensive present and secretly followed her home after class. Then, to my horror I saw her handling the present to what must be her boyfriend. I am devastated and heart-broken. What should I do?
Michael, Subang Jaya

What should you do? Get a life!
The truth: You're a stalker and an asshole.

Dear Akia,
I am a foreign maid and I fell in love with a guy I met at a Sunday tea dance. We made love the first time we met and after that he has given me the cold shoulders. Why do you think he is doing that?
Gemini Girl, Kuala Lumpur

Either you have given him VD or some other disease. But I don't think that's the case and you are probably new to Malaysia. The afternoon 'tea dances' held at most discos on Sundays are nothing more than a 'scoring' session for the guys. The guy's a jerk but he scored.
The truth: You're an easy lay.

Dear Akia,
I recently lost my job as a company driver and I'm thinking of becoming a taxi driver. I think I am a fairly skillful and experienced driver but what are the other necessary qualifications?
G.K. Tan, Kajang

Qualifications? Let's see... you must know how to avoid JPJ roadblocks, have strong views on how to run a government efficiently, possess little knowledge of roads (especially roads in PJ) and the ability to drive with the radio playing at full blast. A driving license may come in handy.
The truth: Your driving skills and experience are of no importance.

Ask Miss Akia about anything through e-mail. Oh... she's not so dumb as to ask for your real names and addresses...