Perodua Tikus.
It's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers.

First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid". After that approach the front left tyre, give it a few hard kicks just to "test" the tyre. Next walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a few times, and exclaim loudly "wah, asorbar not bad". Are you done? Now you're ready to do the static "test drive". Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the seats, pull and release the hand brake, open up every compartment etc. Do all the tests while you're pretending to read the brochure. Finished? Final test: get out of the car and slam the door a few times to check for "solid sound". If satisfied, approach the salesman and ask "How much loan can take?"

National Rice Cooker.
99% of Malaysian households use a National Rice Cooker, the other 1 % don't eat rice.

Lucky or Poppy.
Every self respecting mongrel in Malaysia who has an owner will invariably be named Poppy or Lucky.

Nasi Lemak.
Who cooks and eats nasi lemak at home for breakfast anyway?

Maggi Mee.
Also the national lunch and dinner if you're a out of town student, bachelor, neglected husband, lazy fella, etc.

Maggi Mee.

Traffic Jam.

None.
Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rushed in to a Seven Eleven, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye. If it's not available, Malaysians optimistically apply the other birth control method.
(See below)

Pineapple

Stout
Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything…

Food Poisoning.

Menstrual Pain

Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, food not digested yet, air cond not cold enough, air cond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply, going to watch "Santa Barbara", depress, no mood, etc.

None.
Malaysian men never refuse sex.

Transvestites.
Every heterosexual male Malaysian seems to have a secret desire for a "bapok". Come Saturday nights, they will flock to all those places where the transvestites hang out. They ogle at them, tease them, pay for their "services", etc. They never fail to honk in excitement when they see one on the road. And the Saturday night outings to these places are always in a group of three or four male friends. It's a kind of Malaysian male bonding. Yes. Male bonding by seeking men dressed up as women. It's no wonder that drag shows such as "Paper Dolls" are ever so popular in Malaysia.

Panadol.
The "cure all" for Malaysians. If it fails we have another secret weapon;
Tiger Balm.

Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.

Happy Hours.

The sight of a police road block.

Pil 'Chi-Kit' Teck Aun.
The miracle cure! It works. Ten minutes and you're "dried" up. Always pack some of this stuff when you're travelling.

Pil 'Chi-Kit' Teck Aun
The pills are so tiny it's easy to swallow an extra mouthful and overdose on it. No one can help you here.

Queuing up patiently at 4D shops.
This is very strange. On week days you'll find the same people jumping queues, elbowing the next guy at the bus stops, train stations etc.

THEORY & REALITY. The probability of you winning the first prize at a 4D game is 10000 to 1. Hard to comprehend? Imagine you're at the Merdeka Stadium and you're standing on the field facing the grandstand. There are only 10000 spectators and you have lost your car keys. One of these guys in the crowd have found your keys. I give you only one chance to pinpoint that guy. No way right?! So much for the theory. Now for the reality. Malaysians are an optimistic lot and I believe that the possibility of your lucky number coming up in a permutation is always almost 10 to 1. That is why the next morning at the kopi tiam, someone will be screaming %#*&! Na Phui! Number Terbalik! My good friend Loo Singh, a regular punter has offered the following tips. When you're at any KTM (Kuda, Toto, Magnum) outlets always avoid a queue consisting mainly of Chinese. These fellas don't like pen and paper. They bark their bets across the counter causing unnecessary delays. Avoid the queue where there are many Indians. Indians like to place RM 1 bets. Only problem is they place about 200 RM 1 bets at the same time. The whole of Sentul probably "tumpang" him. Go for the queue where there are many Malays and Indonesians. Usually, they place small bets and only on one number.

      

Rolex.
Usually the model with the gold bracelet and diamond studded bezel.

Tag Hauer.
Every yuppie's must-have "show off" accessory. Usually further down the wrist, in the palm is a tiny Motorola V series cellular phone. The irony is that Motorola spent much time and effort creating a phone that fits comfortably inside the shirt pocket.
Picture of my ex-Tag Hauer.

Rolex, Tag Hauer, Raymond Weil or Patek Philippe from Petaling Street.

The Sarong (and the Pagoda T-shirt).

The most popular (print advertising) model in Malaysia is not a leggy supermodel with silky white complexion. Surprisingly, he's a wrinkled-faced old man who died almost half a century ago ago. The famous scientist can be seen in ads promoting computers, educational products, hotels, beauty salons, cars, mobile phones, fast food, shampoo, housing projects, massage parlours, curry powder, tongkat ali tea, etc.

 

Anywhere.
As long as it is not your house.

Kedai Pajak Gadai (Pawn Shop).
My Tag Hauer is now proudly on display there.

Smelly cuttlefish (during the trailers), Kua chee (during the movie).

Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs.

Lake Gardens, cinemas and reservoirs.

Wilson.

Carrefour.
Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!

On second thoughts, why bother pronouncing Peugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I thinks it sounds better, when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot". When I was in school, Milo was always Mee Lo, now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo". So don't be embarassed saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "rangutan".

"Lemon Tree".
Natural successor: "Barbie Girl".

Jalan Tun Razak, Kuala Lumpur.
On a short stretch there's the National Theatre, National Art Gallery, National Blood Bank, National Heart Institute, National Library and the National News Agency (Bernama).
Further down is the National Slow Motion Road Development Project.

Attacking the Balloons.
This one I can never figure out. When the balloons are released from the ballroom's ceiling, grown men in suits, women, children, even the waiters will attack the balloons like savages. They squashed and stomped on the balloons so ferociously until not one single inflated balloon is left. They take no prisoners. They then quietly march out of the ballroom like victorious soldiers leaving behind a trail of death and destruction. Animals!

The Bra-less Tourist.
See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less Mat Salleh backpacker goes bouncing about on the streets of Kuala Lumpur.

Stick Two Fingers.
Another one which I can't figure out. When you're having your picture taken, the friend behind you will always place two "horns" on your head.
Picture of my good friends Paul and Sophia.