Synopsis: Matt shows up, unannounced, on the square. Ricky starts paying rent and Sanjay bets the money on a horse. The Butchers and Jacksons confusedly agree on who's hosting for Christmas. Cindy wonders: what does "love" mean. Gita sees herself in a new light: Miss Too-Perfect. David does two good turns. Fun at the Vic.

Directed by Geoff Feld.

In Cockney English, "cheers" and "ta" each mean thank you. "Ta ta" means good-bye and "cheers" can also be a good-bye. A "punter" is a customer. A "quid" is a pound (money). "Sod it" means "screw it/damn it/forget it." "Blimey!" is an expression of surprise. To "slag" someone off is to insult or abuse them. (Note: "eh" is usually pronounced "Ay," like the name of the letter A, especially when at end of a sentence/question. Eh?)

Speech in braces {} is unclear. I tried my best, but, especially with Bianca, it can be hard to work out what people are saying sometimes.

CHELLE = MICHELLE = CHELLE
NIGE = NIGEL = NIGE
NAT = NATALIE = NAT

About 50 scenes.

23 characters: NIGEL, DEBS, RICKY, SANJAY, GITA, MARK, MATT, CINDY, PAULINE, IAN, NATALIE, BIANCA, CAROL, ALAN, PAT, SHARON, MICHELLE, STEVE, GRANT, DAVID, JANINE, ARTHUR, and TRACY. Cast list (cast.htm 3K)

When I printed this, it took 35 pages.

Transcribed via microcassette and copious notes.

NIGEL
[singing] "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride"--Don't ya just love it? One time o' the year when you can be a kid again.

You know, the best Christmas I ever had, was in, ahhh--

DEBS
1963. New policeman's outfit. Red pedal car, an' Auntie {Hill's dancing on the} coffee table.

NIGEL
God, I'm so boring..

RICKY
Sanjay!?
[arrives at the stall] All right?
Here you go. Fifty quid rent. All right?

SANJAY
Cheers.
Ricky. You--you sure you can afford this?

RICKY
What's got into you--of course I can afford it! I'm payin' rent for my flat like people are supposed to!

Oh, as soon as you can, rent book, yeah?
[businesslike, as he leaves] Cheers, mate.

[GITA comes up, in a good mood.]

GITA
You're looking very thoughtful.

SANJAY
Was I?

GITA
Yeah! And now you're looking guilty. What have you done?

SANJAY
I haven't done anything. Look--what is this?

GITA
It's a joke, Sanjay.

SANJAY
What d'you want, anyway?

GITA
It's about Christmas Day: you are going to spend it with us, aren't you?

SANJAY
Oh, am I?

GITA
Well, I assumed that's what you'd want to do.

SANJAY
Well, maybe you assume too much.

GITA
Sanjay, don't be like that! I thought we'd got everything sorted out, that we were friends!

SANJAY
What makes you so sure I want to be friends? What makes you even think I want to spend Christmas Day with you, eh? I might have made other arrangements!

GITA
Have you?
Oh, Sanjay. Why are you making such a big issue out of this? I just thought you'd want to spend Christmas Day with your daughter!

SANJAY
I would love to spend Christmas Day with my daughter. It's you I'm worried about.

GITA
[quiet] Sometimes you can be really hurtful, you know?

SANJAY
Gita; I'm sorry. Look--I'll be there, all right?

GITA
Good.

SANJAY
Gita. I need you to look after the stall for me for a bit. [takes off his apron]

GITA
What?

SANJAY
You're not the only one that can do a deal, you know. [puts Santa cap on her head] There you go.

GITA
But Sanjay! I'm not--

SANJAY
[over her words as he leaves] See ya later.

GITA
--off 'til this afternoon!

SANJAY
[over his shoulder] Yeah--do it as a friend.

MARK
Merry Christmas.

MAN
Merry Christmas. [leaves]

MARK
Yes, mate?

MATT
Albert Square?

MARK
You're in it.

MATT
Cheers. [leaves]

CINDY
Don't I even get a kiss goodbye, Steven?

PAULINE
Too excited about seeing Santa.

CINDY
[amused/charmed sound]

PAULINE
Now you wait by the front door, Steven. Don't go running out into the road.

CINDY
Oh, I really appreciate this.

PAULINE
It's no bother; I'm taking Martin an' Vicky anyway, so one more's no bother, is it? Anyway. I'll bring 'im back about lunchtime 'cause Carol's swappin' with me, okay?

CINDY
Right. {Well, even more, he's brilliant.} [giving PAULINE money]

PAULINE
Oh, there's no need for that. Go on.

CINDY
Oh, go on! It all mounts up!

PAULINE
No!

IAN
[has just walked over] Thanks, Auntie Pauline.

PAULINE
All right. A pleasure.

[EVERYONE exchanges goodbyes. Then PAULINE and STEVEN leave.]

IAN
[semi-wistful, amused] It's funny.

CINDY
What is?

IAN
Well uh--just remembered a day I'd completely forgotten. It was me dad takin' me to see Santa. Eh! Ended up gettin' a clip 'round the ear!

CINDY
Why was that?

IAN
I wouldn't sit on Santa's knee--I was scared of 'im. Me old man lost his patience with me. I couldn't o' been more than four years old.

[phone rings, IAN gets it.]

IAN
'Ello?
Hello?

NAT
All right?

BIANCA
You like it? Christmas present.

NAT
Who to?

BIANCA
Me!

NAT
W'ya get Ricky?

BIANCA
Mm. "What to get the man who's got everything," eh?

NAT
Uh. Bianca?

BIANCA
What?

NAT
You know that Christmas Day you an' Ricky's goin' to have? Is it still on?

BIANCA
Oh! What a cock up! First it's supposed to be at Pat Butcher's house, then me mum's sayin' she wants to have it at her place! An' I'm the one who's supposed to tell her! I mean it's not fair though, is it, Nat. If she won't {bluth it}, she should've {choos-she}!

NAT
Uhm.

BIANCA
[stops] What?

NAT
Only I..

BIANCA
Only what?

NAT
Just I don't know where I'm going.

BIANCA
What a lucky girl; make the most of it.
What, you stuck with your dad an' the wicked witch? You're mum's all {down on} what's his face, I suppose. {Just bought or spot him in} his short trousers!

Look--why don't you come over--over to our place, spend it with us, eh? It'll be a laugh!

NAT
Not if it's at Pat Butcher's; I hardly know her.

BIANCA
But it won't be at Pat Butcher's, will it?

NAT
But you said--

BIANCA
Yeah, well! Don't mean everything I say--shouldn't listen to me! Can I have some toast an' a cup of coffee?

NAT
[heading to a table with a sandwich] Yeah, I'll do it--I just gotta--

BIANCA
Here, I'll do it. [takes the sandwich over to SANJAY, who's got his eyes closed, and his pen poised in the air high over the list] What you doin'?

SANJAY
[brings down the pen and opens eyes] Trusting in God.

BIANCA
Mm.

[Close-up of the form and pen, which is on "Mr. Caplin." SANJAY underlines it.]

CAROL
An' not just the bits that you can see.

ALAN
This is so stupid.

CAROL
Mm! An' you need to clean the inside of the oven as well.

ALAN
We're cookin' a turkey on Sunday! What's the point in cleanin' it if we're gonna do it all over again come Monday?

CAROL
Now, this floor: you don't just use water on it. You use this stuff, uh--I'd leave it 'til last. An' for God's sake don't stand on it. Listen: close that kitchen door an' keep the kids out altogether.

ALAN
[has been frustrated, sighing through that, puts down a cleanser she handed him] Why're we trying to impress the Butchers?

CAROL
Listen. When Pat Butcher comes around on Christmas Day, she'll have her snout in everything. Now, if she spots a little bit of dirt it'll be all around Walford before the end of the Queen's speech. I'm not gonna give her the pleasure!

ALAN
Why're we ashamed of ourselves--I mean, you know, we should show ourselves just as we are--I mean--none of this fancy stuff.

CAROL
[light, amused little laugh] I like it Alan. I liiike it! But it doesn't get you out of cleanin' the kitchen. [back to business, getting a list and money out of purse]

All right: I need you to make a start on the shopping, there's the list, ah, here's a tenner. All right. I better get going; I'm covering for Pauline, I'm gonna be late.

ALAN
It's not like Pat Butcher's the Queen Mother.

CAROL
[stops at door and turns around] No?
[leaning on door frame] Listen Alan. I need this to work for all sorts of reasons. [breathes in] I know it's gonna be hard for ya. For me? For Bianca?

ALAN
[calmly decides for a second] Yeah, all right.

CAROL
[quiet, nice] Thanks Alan. Cheers. [leaves]

PAT
Oh. You can sling another--couple packs of them dates an' nuts, an'--

PUNTER
I'll have another {bag of that, too.}

MARK
[to PAT] Got your work cut out, haven't you? Who you got comin' over?

PAT
The Jacksons.

MARK
Oh, "Season of Good Will." Very nice.
You'll be wantin' your mistletoe. [reaches for it]

PAT
No, I don't think so.

MARK
Go on; it's free.

PAT
Just the change!

MARK
Goes with every order over ten quid.
Now that's gonna be, one, two, three, that's gonna be 11.50, please, Pat.

PAT
Oh, well.

MARK
The dates an' what not, you know.

PAT
Yeah, okay. Change it. There you go.

MARK
Smashing! There you go.

PAT
Ta.

MARK
Happy Christmas.

PAT
An' you.

SHARON
Hang on!
[gets down, goes over, opens door]
Oh--'ello, Chelle!

CHELLE
What you up to?

SHARON
Oh, a new mistletoe. People swipe it. Uh, Steve, could you open up?

STEVE
Yup.

SHARON
[meaning herself] Make some coffee, eh?

CHELLE
Yeah--look--Sharon, I've..
I think I've done something really stupid.

CINDY
Sh! Sh! Daddy's working! {I can take your fruits and veg or something.}

IAN
It's all right! I don't mind!

CINDY
Come on, let's look out the window, shall we? Look can we see any birdies. [goes to window. MATT's out in the road gesturing up a questioning/upset shrug. Peter's still fussing.] Um. You gonna be long? I--I can take him to the park. Maybe, he just wants a bit of fresh air.

IAN
It's all right! I don't mind! I'm only gonna be another half hour or so, anyway. Ah, I could murder a coffee; do you want one--

CINDY
[hastily] I'll make it.

IAN
No, it's all right! You stay there! You got enough on your plate.

[With Peter, who's still fussing, CINDY goes back to window. Matt's gone.]

SHARON
So what's this "stupid thing" you've done?

CHELLE
[long pause] I went to see Phil. At his Mum's.
I was just tryin' to help. I--I thought, with Grant being such a bastard, if Phil was to have a word, then maybe [stops]

SHARON
[pause] What did he say?

CHELLE
[pause] Not a lot.

SHARON
No?

CHELLE
No, I. I don't think he was particularly pleased to see me.

SHARON
Well; did he ask about me?
Well, come on, he must have said something.

CHELLE
[pause] To tell you the truth, he said, he didn't think it was anything to do with him. I'm sorry.

SHARON
I see. So he's not going to say anything. [footsteps are coming]

GRANT
[pokes his head in the doorway] Uh. You recordin' this conversation? Just so I'll know. [leaves]

SANJAY
There you go.

DEBS
All right, uh, Mr. Caplin to win, yeah?

SANJAY
[reaching for wallet] Yeah, I'll pay the tax up front, right.

DEBS
You sure you can afford this Sanjay?

SANJAY
Ah. Sometimes, Debbie, you get a gift from heaven. You should make use of that gift in the best way you know how.

MARK
Here. Here: what's all this for, anyway? I thought you were goin' over the Butchers' this Christmas.

ALAN
Well, they're comin' to us.

MARK
Well, I think you'd better tell Pat Butcher that! She was here buyin' up half the stall not half an hour ago. She reckons you're goin' to her!

ALAN
You what?

MARK
[amused/reassuring] Straight up!

[ALAN leaves with stuff.]

IAN
When you gonna get something new in your stall?

GITA
Um. This afternoon.

IAN
Um. Shame; it's gonna be too late by then. Cindy thinks I'm, uh, goin' down to the Council's. I'm not. Actually I'm goin' out an' buyin' a Christmas present. And, uh, unfortunately, it's not gonna be from you.

Hey, how are you, then?

GITA
Eh?

IAN
Your toothache, remember. You know the other day when you were swimming?

GITA
Oh, yeah. Um. I'm fine now, thanks.

IAN
All right. Look, I'll see you later.

[IAN takes off. GITA looks like she doesn't like the implication--Cindy must by lying to him, leaving GITA in that sort of exchange.]

CINDY
[defensive] How did you get my address?

MATT
I needed to see you.

CINDY
[sighs] Better come in.

ALAN
Look, I don't mind doin' the kitchen, but if Pat Butcher's doin' the cookin', then let her!

[confidentially] I spent ten quid on vegetables this morning! We can't afford it, Carol--as much as anything.

CAROL
Look: Bianca's my daughter. Now I--I invited her, her boyfriend, an' his family, over for Christmas dinner. It's the kind of thing normal people do. I don't want to spoil everything.

ALAN
Let me have a word with Pat Butcher. You know, you won't spoil nothink--

CAROL
Look: I don't want Pat Butcher to think I'm worming me way out of it. Like we're, paupers or something.

ALAN
She don't even know you've offered! I mean, how can she think you're worming your way out of it?!

[leaving] Look. I'll have a word with Ricky, all right?

CAROL
Look, if you've got this wrong Alan--

ALAN
Trust me.

CINDY
[exasperated sigh] Listen Matt [sigh] --

MATT
What?

CINDY
I don't think this is a very good idea.

MATT
Well, what isn't.

CINDY
Well, you bein' here!
Look, I--I think you'd better go. I'm sorry.

MATT
Why?

CINDY
[exasperated exhale] Loo--I've got two kids asleep in the other room!

The swimming pool's one thing, but in my own living room!

MATT
I'm not here 'cause of that!
There's things I need to say.

CINDY
Well--puh--can't they wait for another time?

MATT
Oh, no, they can't!
I can't stop thinkin' about you, see? An--an' ever since seein' you with, with your husband the other day, all I can see is you an' him together, all the time--it's drivin' me nuts!--

CINDY
You always knew I was married!

MATT
You see: I think I've fallen in love with you.

RICKY
But we agreed this morning you'd tell your Mum it was around Pat's!--

BIANCA
Well I've changed me mind!

RICKY
W--What--'cause you want Natalie to spend Christmas with us?

BIANCA
No, not just because of that. My mum wanted to do it, we should let her!

RICKY
What's wrong with her own family?!

BIANCA
Have you met the Munsters?

RICKY
Oh, I don't want her to come--she gets on me nerves! It'll be "boyfriend this," "boyfriend that"--

BIANCA
No it won't!

RICKY
How d' you know?!

BIANCA
'Cause it won't! All right? [has got up, comes over to stand by him]
[quiet] She fancies you, d'you know that?

RICKY
Really.

BIANCA
Yeah; she told me all about it.

RICKY
When was this then?

BIANCA
[laughs, giggly] Did you believe me? [giggle] You should see your face.

RICKY
Uh, you can't go around changing arrangements just 'cause you feel like it, Bianca.

BIANCA
Well it would be a bit silly to change 'em if I didn't feel like it, wouldn't it!

RICKY
Yeah, well you should have asked me first!!!

[leaving] Look, it's at Pat's an' that's final, all right?

BIANCA
Ricky! Don't! Come back!?!

ALAN
Ricky!
Just the man. I was hoping to see you.

RICKY
Look, I can't stop, Alan.

ALAN
Just one thing: I'm right in thinking Christmas is at your mum's, yeah?

RICKY
Yeah.

ALAN
Is that a definite, is it?

RICKY
Yeah, that's a definite.

ALAN
[has stopped, is smiling, as RICKY rushes on] Good.
That's all I needed to know. [very happy]

NIGEL
[awed/amazed] Bli-mey!

SANJAY
Beats workin', eh, Nige? Hee, hee.

NIGEL
So, ah, how'd you go about pickin' a winner, then, Sanj?
[sees DEBS looking at him like, "no"]
I'll withdraw that question.

SANJAY
[hands her a bill] {Here} Debs, buy yourself a drink.
Now, I suppose I'd better go an' do some Christmas shopping before I put it all in the next race. [heading out] See you later, {make it}.

CINDY
Look, Matt. You say you love me. Well, I'm telling you now, you don't! When someone says they love you, it means you've got something you want or need. Believe me. I know. [has got agitated]

MATT
Oh, I see. You make a habit out o' this sort of thing, do you?

CINDY
Look, it was only meant to be a bit of fun.

MATT
Do I look like I'm havin' fun?! So, accordin' to you, this has all just been a bit of a giggle, right?

CINDY
Ah, I think you'd better go: my little boy's gonna be back soon--

MATT
Well it wasn't a giggle to me! So, what? I'm just one o' many? Do you {want marks} out o' ten?!

CINDY
No! Of course not!

MATT
Oh! So I'm the first, am I?
Well?!

CINDY
[pause] Look. When you're a bit older--

MATT
[gets up and shouts in anger] Don't patronize me!!

CINDY
--you'll look back on this, an' you'll see hhow funny it's been.

MATT
[heads out, turns at door, angrily shouts] You know there is a word for women like you!!!!

[One of the babies is crying from the other room as Matt leaves the house. Next, the door slam of his leaving. Baby continues crying as CINDY takes in what's just gone on.]

BIANCA
All right?

DAVID
Oh, hi.

BIANCA
{That's a first, eh?}

DAVID
Oh, it's nothing, Bianca. It's just the phone's on the blink.

BIANCA
Would you be really annoyed if I was just {?? payin' for?}

DAVID
No, I don't suppose so. Uh. Wait an' let me buy you a drink, at the Vic.

[They head for the Vic.]

MARK
[betrayed] I've gotta put it all back?

ALAN
Sorry mate: change of plan. Not needed now.

[as MARK's taking stuff] Can I have me tenner back?

[MARK reluctantly will.]

SANJAY
All right?

GITA
Where've you been.

SANJAY
[taking things out of bag] If we're gonna spend Christmas together, let's do it properly, yeah? [one of the things is a hair band with antlers on it]

GITA
You left me here all morning so you could go Christmas shopping?

SANJAY
Yeah.

GITA
Where'd you get the money from, Sanjay?--I mean, I spend my life here, slogging my guts out an' you go around spending the money on God knows what!

SANJAY
I got presents for you an' Sharamila!

GITA
Sanjay, you do not go around spending money from the business whenever you feel like it, all right!?!

SANJAY
Who said--who said it's money from the business? Gita you know you really are a pain sometimes. It's Christmas! An' you got no right to nag me about what I spend money on. It's not as if we're living together anymore, is it?

GITA
We are business partners, Sanjay. An' business partners do not go around spending money from the business without consulting each other about it--

SANJAY
That money had nothing to do with the business!!

GITA
Oh, yeah?! So where'd it come from? Santa Claus?

SANJAY
I won it! On an 'orse! An, you know what? It felt Great.

Huh, that shut you up.

GITA
Well, that's nothing to be proud of Sanjay. In fact you should be ashamed of yourself.

SANJAY
[still very irritated] Yeah, Gita, tell me: why did you marry me if I'm such an awful person?

GITA
I wish I knew--

SANJAY
Well, what did your mouth do for exercise before it had me to slag off, eh?

Gita, I'm not your whipping boy any more! I quit the day I moved out!

GITA
Sanjay! I--

SANJAY
Oh, clear off! I've got to do the stall. An', as for Christmas, who in their right mind would want to spend Christmas Day with a miserable old bag like you?!!

GITA
[looks hurt like something's struck home]

DAVID
So now, let me get this straight. You wanted to have a Christmas at your house, uh?

BIANCA
Yeah, it ain't just 'cause o' Natalie. It would just be nice for me mum to get her own way for once.

DAVID
An' you want me to have a word with my mum to get her to agree, right?

BIANCA
Yeah--would you, David?

DAVID
Consider it done.

CHELLE
Look, Mum, I'm sorry if I snapped at you in the launderette. I just can't stand people being slagged off behind their backs.

PAULINE
What else would people around here do if they didn't do that?

CHELLE
You don't know the half of what's gone on. You shouldn't judge unless you know the whole story.

PAULINE
What's the whole story?

CHELLE
Whatever Sharon's done, she doesn't deserve this.

PAULINE
All right. All right. I'm sorry. Listen, I've gotta go.
[stands] Um. You are coming to us Christmas Day, aren't you?

CHELLE
I didn't know I was invited.

PAULINE
Oh, of course you are--an' Geoff, too, if he wants.

CHELLE
No, he's spending it with his kids, isn't he.

PAULINE
Oh, that's a shame.
You'll still come, eh?

CHELLE
Yes.

PAULINE
All right, then: see you. [leaves]

RICKY
All right, Paul? [finds BIANCA]
There you are. [sits]

DAVID
[gets up] I better make a phone call, right. I'll see you later, love.

BIANCA
Yeah. Thanks.

RICKY
Sorry, right? I was wrong! If you want Natalie to come an' have it at your Mum's, then, fine! Just as long as I'm not the one who has to tell Pat.

BIANCA
Oh, no! I've taken care of everything!

RICKY
[kisses her]

BIANCA
Got a fiver on you.

RICKY
What for?

BIANCA
Natalie coming for Christmas. I've gotta get her a present, don't I?

RICKY
[amused, gives her money]

CAROL
Oh, now, whee!

ALAN
[entering] Just to tell you. I've just seen Ricky. It's all sorted. Christmas Day is definitely at the Butchers'.

CAROL
You sure?

ALAN
Yup.
You can go an' see Pat Butcher if you don't believe me.

CAROL
I will.

JANINE
An' what did you say?

DAVID
[whispering] Janine! Hurry up! [goes to kitchen, where PAT's sitting, doing the books] How much longer is she gonna be on that phone. [plops down in chair]

PAT
David, let me get this straight. Are you tellin' me that Carol Jackson wants Christmas dinner over her house?

DAVID
Yeah--you're off the hook, Mum. You can put away the turkey baster--an' the potato peeler--it's their problem!

PAT
No, I've bought half the vegetables already! The turkey's ordered!

DAVID
But look at it this way. If we have it over here, there's no gettin' away, is there? If we have it over at their house we can be off before the start of "The Sound of Music." [shouts down the hall] Janine! Get off the phone!

JANINE
[shouting from living room] Drop dead!

PAT
I'm not in the business of accepting favours off of Carol Jackson!
[relieved] Mind you it would be nice to take easy for once.

DAVID
Right. That's settled, then.

Listen I'm supposed to have {s-phoned to this guy by now, I left 'im in there, now, I'll do it.} [stands] What a joke, eh? Runnin' a business from a flippin' phone box. It'd be funny if it weren't so sad. [opens door just as CAROL arrives] Hi Carol! Come on in.

CAROL
[speechless]

PAT
Oh! Uh--Hello, Carol! David's tellin' me you want Christmas 'round your house.

DAVID
Yeah! We'd be delighted to accept. [quietly to PAT] Won't we, Mum. [leaves]

PAT
Uhhh, it's, very kind of you, but are you quite sure?
I mean I--I can't let you do everything by yourself, can I?

GITA
It's not nice being lied to, Cindy.

CINDY
Uhh--I didn't want to involve, you, Gita--

GITA
But you did, didn't you? I mean all that toothache stuff--an' anyway, I thought it was all over.

CINDY
[feeling dread] Oh, come on! I don't need this!

GITA
Well maybe you should o' thought o' that before, you know--

CINDY
Look! I've broken it off! I've finished it completely! I feel bad enough--it--about myself, let alone you puttin' in your two pennyworth!

GITA
You know what's gonna happen if Ian ever finds out, don't you?

CINDY
[beginning to go from remorse to outrage] Why? Are you plannin' on tellin' him?

GITA
I just think you've been very immature; that's all.

CINDY
So what if I have been immature? An' do you know what? I really enjoyed it. An' do you know what else? I think you're jealous. Because you really fancied 'im an' you didn't have the guts to do anything about it.

An' d'you know why? Because you're Miss Goody Two Shoes. Well, bully for you, Gita! I wanted sympathy! I wanted a shoulder to cry on! The last thing I wanted was you moralizin' at me!

GITA
[it hit home, she's silently crying]

CINDY
Oh, oh, Giter, I'm sorry, look, I--I didn't mean it. [consoling] You wound me up, but--Gita..

DAVID
Yeah, that's right.
All right, an' you'll let me know about the Rover sometime after Christmas, will ya?
Good man.
Okay, then, yeah. Nice to do business with you.
All right. Merry Christmas.
And you, too. All right.
Yeah, bye-bye. [hangs up]
[sighs] Sod it. [absently looking at leaflets, looks amused and picks one up and leaves with it]

CINDY
Gita, all I--I'm sorry--I didn't mean to say all those things. I, I was just feeling upset 'cause I'm mad an' guilty about Ian an' everything--I--I just need someone to--take it out on.

GITA
[relieved and amused at self] Yeah. The thing is you were right. Sanjay's right. Everyone's right.

CINDY
[sighs]

ALAN
[walking in] All right love? What's up?

CAROL
[indicates cleaning materials]

ALAN
Well--what's the point? I've got it all sorted.

CAROL
Oh yes. Sorry. Yeah--I'd forgot--you got it all sorted, yeah.

ALAN
Well I told you, at lunchtime.

CAROL
Mm. And um. Where've you been since then?

ALAN
[mimes he was playing pool or snooker]

CAROL
And uh, what exactly did Ricky Butcher say to ya?

ALAN
That it was at the Butchers', an' that it was a definite.

CAROL
Oh, right.. So an' that's where you're gonna be, is it, on Christmas Day--the Butchers'.

ALAN
Yup.

CAROL
[pause] Just the two of ya?

ALAN
Mm-mm.

CAROL
You and Ricky?--'cause everyone else is gonna be here! You've been misinformed, Alan! Christmas is here an' it always has been!

BIANCA
[comes in, just arrived from outside] Mum, it's all right if Natalie comes Christmas Day, isn't it?

CAROL
Wwwhat?

BIANCA
W--well, I've already asked her. I 'as just bein' polite--you can't say no. Besides, you owe me a favour.

CAROL
What, oh yeah?

BIANCA
Yeah--well, if it weren't for me, Christmas Day would o' been at the Butchers', wouldn't it? I'm the one who sorted it out for ya.

Mum, suit yourself. I won't bother next time. [leaves]

ALAN
[being reasonable] Carol, you did say you wanted to have it.

CAROL
You, me, all the kids, Biancer, Ricky, Natalie, Pat Butcher, David Wicks, Janine--

ALAN
Well, I'll tell you what: after dinner, right, we'll get a few other people around, make it into a real party, eh? I'll spread the word!

CAROL
Well, we'll have to do something.
[goes to dish pile] So, at least you made a start, {ordering} our food. [looking in refrigerator] Where'd you put it?

ALAN
[hastily leaves]

CAROL
Alan?

CINDY
Ian?

IAN
What?

CINDY
Do you love me?

IAN
Yeah--o' course! Wha--that's--a--silly question, isn't it?

CINDY
Or is it just something we say to each other out of habit?

IAN
W--what's brought all this on? I thought we were gettin' on all right.

CINDY
Well, I'm--I'm not sayin' we're not.. I'm just wonderin' what it means when someone says they love you.

IAN
W--well, I thought it was obvious..

CINDY
Is it?

IAN
Yeah. O' course it is!

MARK
[moving a box] No--I'm sorry. I--I can't do it, mate. Special day for me Mum, you see. She loves to be with the family.

ALAN
Well, they can all come.. Ww--you can bring your Mum, Dad, Ruth, Michelle, whoever.

MARK
Yeah, I will do.

ALAN
[amused] Is that a definite?

MARK
Heh, heh--No.

ALAN
[quietly] Mark.

MARK
[still moving stuff] Uh--

ALAN
What I give to you this mornin', you didn't keep it on the side by any chance, did ya?

MARK
[pauses] No.

ALAN
[nods] Didn't think so.
[sees IAN run by] Ian!

IAN
Sorry, Alan--I--I ain't got time!

[ALAN goes over to SANJAY.]

ALAN
Yeah, Sanjay!

SANJAY
[loading a box into the van] Give us a hand, mate, cheers.

ALAN
[helps] What you doin' Christmas Day? Do you fancy a booze-up at our place?

SANJAY
Sure! Why not?

ALAN
Look, any time after three, all right? Bring a bottle, an' anyone else you wanted to.

SANJAY
[done loading box] All right.

ALAN
Good. [turns to leave]

SANJAY
Hey Alan--uh, Gita's not comin', is she?

ALAN
Why--do you want her to be.

SANJAY
Nooo, I was just, uh, just wondering. [continues packing]

ALAN
[amused] Oh, right.

[CAROL's just coming by, smiling at ALAN.]

ALAN
[to CAROL] Hello, love.

CAROL
Got Christmas Bonus today..

ALAN
Yeah!?

CAROL
An' to celebrate, I'm gonna buy meself a drink. Meanwhile, you, are gonna go home an' clean that kitchen like you said you would, an' if it's not done by the time I get back, you'll not be a happy man--Ooo! An' seein' as you didn't get those vegetables, I think that's ten quid you owe me.

ALAN
[somewhat cheerfully sighs, digs in his pocket and hands her the money]

CAROL
Thank you. [leaves]

PAULINE
[calling over] Carol! Carol, come here. [when CAROL gets there] Want a drink?

CAROL
Yeah. I'll have: large vodka.

PAULINE
Yeah, why not? It's Christmas.

CAROL
Here--Gita--how're you fixed for Christmas Day?

GITA
Oh, {don't think I'd bother.}

CAROL
Well, listen, there's gonna be a party at my place--uh--you're very welcome. Any time after three..

GITA
Oh, thanks.

DAVID
Your old man about?

CINDY
Uhhh--over there.

DAVID
Got a sec?

CINDY
Yeah--why?

DAVID
[sits] Listen, uh. I was in the phone box today, an' I found something.

CINDY
[looks scared]

DAVID
I wasn't gonna mention it, but, uh, I thought maybe, someone 'round here had it in for you. So I think you should know. Here. It's not very nice. [pulls notice out of coat]

CINDY
Show me.

DAVID
[handing it to her] Here.
Any idea who'd uh.. write something like that?

CINDY
[just looks at it]

DAVID
There's some sick people about, i'n' they?
[takes it and stands] I'll tell you what. [tearing it up] Best if we keep this to ourselves, yeah? [turns to leave]

CINDY
David?

DAVID
[turns and stops]

CINDY
Thanks.

DAVID
[acknowledges her--seems half nice, half 'you owe me one,' and leaves]

PAULINE
You know, when I first met him, he was the most terrible pickup--

ART
Excuse me!?!

PAULINE
Yes, you were!

MARK
Oh, come on!

PAULINE
I had to show him how to do it properly--he 'as all slobbery!

ART
She's makin' it up!

MARK
Please! Mum!

PAULINE
What's the matter with you?

MARK
Well, there are certain things that a son just doesn't want to know about!

[Everyone's amused--laughter.]

ART
She thinks--it's all lies--she thinkin' of her an' Buddy Mason!

PAULINE
Buddy Mason!--

ART
Yeah!

PAULINE
[laughing] Nearly thirty years, he's still jealous of Buddy Mason!

ART
More lies! More lies! [laughs]

CAROL
We'll see you from three o'clock, onwards, yeah? [is leaving]

MARK
Yeah, yeah, great, yeah.

CAROL
Great. [to NIGE and DEBS] See you both then.

DEBS
[to NIGE, who'd nodded] W--what's all this?

NIGE
Uh, Carol's asked us over her place after Christmas dinner--an' I've, uh--

DEBS
Uh, yeah.

CAROL
Yeah, Gita'll be there--quick drink, it'd be great--

NIGE
All right--cheers, yeah.

CAROL
Ta-ta.

NIGE
See ya! [to DEBS] I said I'm sorry.

[GITA looks nicely/wistfully at SANJAY playing darts and he barely acknowledges her.]

GITA
[to NIGE] Right, I better get off, I'll see you later, then.

NIGE
All right--see you.

PAULINE
Bye..

IAN
Well, go on, Sanjay, {get us} your arrows.

ALAN
Carol. [surprised] You idiot!

CAROL
What?

ALAN
That was my floor, that was!

CAROL
[looks down and sees it's got dirt smudges]

ALAN
Do you know how long that took me to get it like that?! [doorbell rings]

[CAROL heads for door]

ALAN
[follows] Well, aren't ya gonna say nothink?!!

[CAROL opens door. It's PAT.]

PAT
I hope I'm not interruptin' anything, only I uh should o' given you this this afternoon. [handing her a large bag of groceries]

Just a little contribution. I'm sure you could use it.

CAROL
Thanks a lot.

PAT
Well, I won't stop--I can see you're busy.

[CAROL nods and shuts door. PAT's got a bit of a smug look on.]

ART
Now: was that slobbery?! A straight answer: yes or no?!

PAULINE
I said you were slobbery then. You're not slobbery now.

ART
[amused] Come on! [they continue home]

NIGE
[singing lightly] "..jingle all the way. Oh what fun--" Ooh, I love Christmas. I love Santa. I love turkey. I love the little baby Jesus. I love Clare. An' I love you. Most of all: I love you. Oh, I'm really sorry about sayin' yes to Carol but, I bet we have a really good tiime. An' look. Look--I found it in the pub. [they kiss and giggle because he has mistletoe]

SHARON
Night Trace--see you later.

TRACY
[leaving] Bye Sharon.

[SHARON shuts and locks the door.]

STEVE
All right, I'm off--up.

SHARON
All right. Night Steve.

STEVE
All right. I see someone swiped all the mistletoe again.

SHARON
Mmm--so what's new?

GRANT
[comes up, a looming presence, right up to her] Except. For this. [holds up mistletoe, waiting]
No. Forget it. [goes away]

SHARON
[is relieved]

GITA
Sanjay?

SANJAY
What're you doing here? Who's lookin' after Sharamila?

GITA
Ruth: she agreed to stay on. [hands him the package]
Merry Christmas. I bought it for you this afternoon. But don't open it now.

SANJAY
I don't get you.

GITA
[serious] I'm trying to say sorry, Sanjay. I'm trying to say that you were right and I was wrong. That's very hard for me, so, don't make it any harder, please? It was very generous of you to buy all those things. I was wrong to react how I did.

SANJAY
What's brought this on?

GITA
Doesn't matter. Just say you'll come for Christmas. Please?

SANJAY
I said I'll, uh, go to the Jacksons'.

GITA
[laughs]

SANJAY
What's so funny?

GITA
[laughs] So have I.
Well. We could give the Jacksons' a miss, couldn't we?

SANJAY
Yeah.

GITA
Right--to tell you the truth, I was dreading it.

So; you'll come?

SANJAY
[quietly] Yeah. [regular voice] Friends?

GITA
Yeah: friends. [leaves, smiling, nice]

-boom- -boom- -boom-boom-

Last Updated: 5 Feb 2000