Squid: The Movie
Scene 1:
(Show 2 hooded figures and 1 pilot inside of a car driving to a house surrounded by people holding “ink blasters”)
Figure 1: Pilot?
Pilot: Yes sir?
Figure 1: Tell them we wish to park at once.
Pilot: Very well sir. (holds up a walkie-talkie) Silverspeed 1 Squid Inc. GHQ, do you copy?
Squid Inc. Rep: I copy.
Pilot: Permission to let our “guests” wish to park at once.
Squid Inc. Rep: Permission granted, as you know, our “operations” are perfectly legal. (quietly) Stupid senators, don’t they know there’s no such thing as crystal poodle? (snickers)
Scene 2:
(Car parks in the house)
(Show person wrapped up in tinfoil)
Person wrapped in tinfoil:(Weird robotic voice) Greetings, my name is SK-92, I am a personal assistance droid, this way please.
(SK-92 and 2 hooded figures walk into a room, SK-92 hands each figure a cup)
SK-92: Please, sit down, and have some coffee.
(Each hooded figure sits down and receives cup as SK-92 leaves the room)
(Each figure removes there hoods)
Figure 2: Ah, finally, some coffee! I haven’t had coffee in like, half an hour! (takes sip of coffee) Yuck, decaf!
Figure 1: We must convince Squid Inc. to stop stealing supplies from this planet, we must convince them to leave, for they are stealing food, medical supplies, and (dreamily) coffee.
Figure 2: Wait, something seems wrong here…
Figure 1: You must learn to trust in the ways of the caffeine, my young apprentice.
Scene 3:
(SK-92 walks in to the room with the two Capp(Coffee And Peace Protectors) Knights , just as it fills up with gas)
Figure 2: What’s that gas coming out of the floor?
SK-92: The leaders of Squid Inc compete with each other to see who can collect the most nerve gas, and their collections sometimes leak into the ventilation system. I apologize for any discomfort, difficultly breathing, or fatal lung spasms. Can I interest you in more coffee?
Figure 2: (eagerly) Bring it on!
(Switch to CEO of Squid Inc in his office)
CEO: I never likes Capps, hogging all the coffee.
(Switch to picture of Darth Squidious on computer)
Darth Squidious: Is it legal to steal supplies yet?
CEO: Yes, with enough caffeine, you can convince anyone of anything.
Darth Squidious: Excellent!
(switch back to Capp Knights)
(Knights escape after fighting Squid Soldiers)
Figure 1 (over walkie-talkie):Qui-Gon GingerSnap to Capp Counsel, do you read me?
Maple Cookie (over walkie-talkie): We read you, what’s the situation?
Qui-Gon: It was horrible, they tried give Oafy-Wan and I decaf!
Capp Counsel: (GASP) (background chatter, i.e. Oh my God, That’s horrible, How could they?, etc.)
Maple Cookie: (Breathing heavily) Well(deep breath)…anyway(deep breath)…how goes the mission?
Qui-Gon: Oh…Uh…fine, except they tried to kill us will nerve gas and soldiers. We’re going to hide on a car to escape where the enemy soldiers are deployed.
(show CEO)
Queen Ostrich: I demand you leave now!
CEO: We’re staying, sorry.
Ostrich: You haven’t seen the last of me!
Scene 4:
(“Dare to be stupid” plays in background while “Gungans” in their natural forest habitat do random stupid things)
Gungan 1 (has stupid voice): Pull my finger! (extends finger)
Gungan 2 (also has stupid voice): Ok!
(Gungan 1 pulls Gungan 2’s finger)
Gungan 1: Hey, why you go pullin’ my finger?
Gungan 2: I dunno.
Gungan 1: You wanna make somethin’ of that?
Gungan 2: Uhhhh, sure whatever.
Gungan 1: Ok, lets go!
Gungan 2: OK, (punches himself out) Hey! What that for!?!
Gungan 1: That’s how I deal with punks like you.
(Gungan in background yelling) Jar of Olives! I go to store, watch cat for 5 minutes.
Jar of Olives (nicknamed "Jar Jar": OK (turns back from cat for 5 seconds, cat bursts into flames)
Gungan: Ahhhh! You break cat! Take him to vet!
Jar Jar: (gets on bike with cat, falls over, handle bar puts hole in the ground)
Gungan: AHHHHH! You break cat and lawn and bike! Me tell boss!
(switch to Boss Mass, who is extremely fat)
Boss Mass: Jar Jar you break his cat and lawn?
Jar Jar: Yes.
Boss Mass: Jar Jar, you banned from our land, hee hee hee (stupid giggle), that rhymes.
Jar Jar: Pull finger!(extends finger)
Boss mass: Huh?
Scene 5:
(Jar Jar walking around stupidly in woods, as if nothing happened)
(man in bike helmet, bathrobe and hiking boots runs by, screaming and flailing arms crazily)
Qui-Gon: Get down you idiot!
(Qui-Gon pulls Jar Jar out of path of crazy man)
Jar Jar: You saved my life, I must follow you around forever!
Qui-Gon: What!?! No!!!
(Obi-Wan arrives)
Obi-Wan: Wait master, we need him. We're lost.
Qui-Gon: You really think he's going to help!?!
Obi-Wan: He's our only hope.
Qui-Gon: Great, now I've got a stupid jar of pickles following me around.
Jar Jar: That's Jar of Olives.
Qui-Gon: Whatever, we have to warn the queen of the impending attack!
Obi-Wan: Right. But first, coffee!
Qui-Gon: Right!
(show them eventually getting out of woods)
Qui-Gon: Well ,that took long enough.
Obi-Wan: I'll say.
Jar Jar: Huh?
(show them going into the "palace" to warn the queen)
Qui-Gon: Great, she's not here.
Obi-Wan: Master, squid soldiers!
(Capp knights draw there sword, Jar Jar trips)
(combat scene, eventually the Capps find the queen and her soldiers and free her from the Squids)
Queen: Thank you, brave knights. There's no time, we have to go.
Qui-Gon: Shouldn't we free the palace?
Queen: There's no time, we have to go!
Qui-Gon: No, lets free the palace!
Queen: (sigh) There's a coffee machine on the ship.
Qui-Gon (from right next to the ship): What are you waiting for, we have to go!
Scene 6: