THE BLOG.

I feel so pathetic, I can't believe I cried over math last night. As hard to believe as it is, I can't believe how big a hypocrite I am. I swore I would never let academics get the best of me, but oh no. Anyone who'd know me from high school should be shocked. I mean, sure I cared a lot about my grades, but I don't ever remember being as frustrated as I am now. Damnit. I can't believe myself. I don't even know myself anymore...
I think I know why I did though... Should I tell, should I tell? hell no.

It's going to be a very busy month, as I can see. Next week I have 3 papers, 2 long exams and a midterm to keep me on my feet... actually that's an understatement.

• Monday
  • School Holiday
• Tuesday
  • En 14: Mini Paper: Is hell other people?
  • En12: Movie Review: "Raise the Red Lantern"
• Wednesday
  • Ma11: Long Exam no. 2
• Thursday
  • Fil12: Pasalaysay na Sanaysay
  • PE: Midterm/Promotion
  • Fil12: Free cut
  • Exodo (Play)
• Friday
  • PS1: Long Exam no. 2

*sigh*

Wow, and I have PT (Physical Training) at 6:00 later. wee.

I catalogued the pictures for the Paper.

Damnit. What the hell is wrong with me?

I don't want to be disturbed. I want to be left alone. But I can't stand being alone. I want everyone to go away. But I need everyone to stay. Go away and let me be. Comfort is all I need.

Shit.

I'm missing something. Or have I never had it at all? But what is it? I don't know. Maybe I'm lost. Lost in a space with an endless horizon. Hopeless. Hopeless.

*sigh*

I need a life.

I have to change the blog now.

I had my first tutor session today, my tutor's name is Topher... I didn't forget :̃ (maybe cause it's written down now. :̃). It was okay, I mean I learned a whole lot, damnit... I'm so careless with signs and I keep forgetting to balance the eqation and stuff. Anyway, I'm trying to answer my homework to no avail, damnit, I really need some common sense here.

ARGH! How frustrating... I have to pass, I have to pass, I have to pass! I can't understand why I just can't seem to get it. grrr.

Just finished dinner.

I had a whole lot to rant about, which is about the only thing one can find on my blog... rants, but I figured I need more substance... or at least appear to have substance. I've been solving this problem for like... almost thirty minutes, not only is it depressing, it's down right irritating.

We had lunch at Kenny Roger's today: Alen, Sir Jason, Twinnie and I. I dropped my salad... haha. It's a good that those things have covers, I lost just a few pieces of lettice [spell check].

Oddly, my back is hurting right now, the tired sort of pain. Maybe it's stress... But I suppose the biggest factor on my being stressed out is panick.
Damnit, I do not intend to start failing anytime soon! Hell no!
I know there's a first time, but I don't intend now to be that time.
Damnit! This is just too depressing... If I don't end up killing myself by the end of the semester, whatever's left of my brain will be just another waste of useless space. Death sounds way better. ARRGH!

I go back to attempting to conquer this impossibly pathetic challenge.

I should stop.

Li got an active journal at blurty.

I can smell dinner. Mmmm...

Sudden change?
That's the way it is.

I'm sinking back into my depressed state, I guess its just frustration. Instead of my studying right now, I'm doing something as worthless as blogging.

I'm starting to question the point of this blog?
So that everyone would know my day to day routine? Hell no, Who'd be bored enough to read this? It's not like my life is interesting, as a matter of fact it's the opposite. And it's not like I even put tell people much about my life, it's usually just my excessive ranting and bitching, which I can do on my paper journal, but I don't. [I really should start writing in it more].

That's why people get so sick of me... I'm too mopey and negative. God, what happened to me? I used to be so cheereful and whatever when I was younger. Maybe it's one of the things I really hated about Zobel, how judgemental people can be, as much as you claim not to be affected, not to care... you still are, you still do.

I remember I could do so much, and somewhere along my senior year and college, I lost it. Or I lost the motivation, that instead of improving, I just keep deteriorating.

I guess one of my biggest frustrations is, this is the hardest I've been working in my whole life... and nothing I do seems to be good enough. They don't believe that my failing would have anything to do with how lousy my teachers are, it's the mentality that, "things turned out that way, deal with it". I agree with them actually, but it just seems like nothing I do is good enough, I guess I just feel hopeless.

I bitch too much. I was thinking of getting an active journal, with the purpose of sending all my complains there. Then after thinking a bit, I would have nothing left to put in here. Which makes me think...

I shouldn't be thinking about anything but school work. Study my math and physics; do my filipino homework; finish the damn photo essay; fix up the freaking logo; catalogue the pile of pictures dumped here; practice for my PE midterms... aaaaargh. life.

There are so many things I'd rather be doing, so many things I want to do that I'm too lazy to do. I just feel so damn lost, with every right to be. Unlike before, I couldn't wait for graduation. They said I would miss it, I knew I would, I wanted to miss them... I expected things to turn out to be this way, but then reality sinks in differently. Things are so different, but so routine. I don't know if I'm bored, which I can't be cause I'm learning, and believe me I like it a lot. The workload, the learning... okay not the math and the physics, but I just feel so alone and confused, and I can't help myself...

Here I am again, bitching. I really should stop.

I was thinking of bring over my chest full of shit. It's just that I'm slowly taking all of myself here, and I don't want that. As much as I like living away, being responsible for myself and all, my home is still my home...
Is it that, or is it guilt? I hope it's not guilt.

I got my midgrades, I got two F's (physics and math), although I was expecting it, I still felt really bad. Wish me luck with my midterms on friday.

I went blog tripping, I went to Jaymee's site, twinnie's and Alen's Blog. I suggested that twinnie try out an active journal: blurty, since he was having difficulty with the blog.

Damnit. I'm too lazy to do this right now.

Operatic Music. I like this guy.

My new sim was just activated!

I went to watch the Rhinocerous [spell check] in school last night. Then we had dinner at Mcdo, Li and I sorta squeezed in with my english blockmates, Carla, Carlo, Gio, John and Bien, then Leo walked by, and I had him join us. We were like sitting together but not really. get? Anyway, we still haven't found a way to make money ;(

Wow, for once I had seemingly decent and intelligent answers for english (or any subject for that matter). FUN! Maybe I should get sick/feel sick more often.
I'm still struggling with all the other subjects though. *sigh*

Messing with Photoshop.
I have photoshop again!

I'm feeling kinda sick this week. I actually asked nagged RJ for us to leave cause I wanted to get home. I'm so rude.
We had to attened a talk by Sec. Richard Gordon, and RJ let me hitch a ride home. It was kinda long, but he was a good speaker.

I was feeling so OC I'm pondering on the idea of making an inventory of my MP3's. I practically did that already, I renamed those that have the wrong titles, or are missing the name of the artist, or the song. I removed all the folders to see which songs I doubled and are just eating up space on my hard drive. I retained two folders, one for the bossanova's and another for the opm; its too much work to classify the others, and I had to put in folders cause it takes so long to load... apparently I have around 518 mp3's in my hard drive, occupying 1.99 gb. *shudders*
I know I don't even listen to a lot of them, cause I keep them even if I don't really like them, just incase it would come in handy in the future... plays, cds whatever. As a matter of fact, a lot of them are 70's rock, not really my type, and I don't even see myself listening to them anytime soon; I could probably... Although I'm condemned by my sisters (and a whole lot of other people) for appreciating "old" music... come on, I'm not that bad.

I went to school so early today, as much as I just bore myself to death (even if I do attempt to study), I like being early.

I'm on a bossanova trip.

Anyway, I have a Physics long test tomorrow. Ugh! We (my class) is in so much trouble, none of us know anything. I don't want to be mean or anything, I mean our teacher is really nice, but she can't teach. Don't get me wrong I really listen and try to understand, but I just get a headache trying to figure out what's going on. As a matter of fact, I don't know what to study tonight.
Yeah, I know, instead of complaining I should just study it right? Well, I don't have a clue on how I'm going to do this. *sigh* One of these days I'm going to get a nervous breakdown, I mean I'm not particularly concerned right now cause it really isn't my fault, unlike math... *sigh*
Math. She explains okay, I wish she'd give us more graded work. The problem is with me, *sigh* I should just study... But I really don't get it.

How frustrating!

*sigh* I just had to get all that out of my system... I guess I'll start studying now.

I burned a Cd for him. ;)

1. Quiet - John Mayer
2. Kung Okay Lang Sa'yo - True Faith
3. I will - Tuck and Patty
4. With Him - Babyface
5. Ako'y Sa'yo, Ika'y Akin - First Circle
6. Whenever I Call You Friend - Alison Krauss and Michael Johnson
7. 214 - Rivermaya
8. Bizzare Love Triangle - Frente
9. Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight - James Taylor
10. Sleep All Day - Jason Mraz
11. Passenger Seat - Stephen Speaks
12. SUmmer Breeze - Jason Mraz
13. Satellite - Dave Matthews Band
14. You're a God - Vertical Horizon
15. Change the World - Eric Clapton and Babyface
16. Careless Whisper - Tamia

Sir Ypil asked us to make a paragraph on our perfect guy as our homework for today. As usual, I crammed it. I wasn't feeling so responsible last night. As I'm trying to remember what I put on that piece of paper, I could have done way better, after all it's a pretty easy topic, but for some reason I had a hard time writing it. Maybe one of these days, just to try it out, I will make an appropriate essay under that topic.
One thing about the assign is, Sir made some people read theirs, it made some of us feel so... inadequate? haha. How pathetic and vain can we get? But seriously, you can't help but think right? ;̃

I don't know the title... sue me.

I wish I bought that pack of m&m's; the idea seems perfect: a bag of chocolate, incense and a jazz cd.

Oh well, bread stix will do.

I'm so bored.

I just realized the difference and similarities of college to high school. At some aspects college seems like the exaggeration of highschool. Take for example the free time you have, back in highschool there are times when you don't seem to be doing anything at all, and other times (like before the exams) when you are swamped with work; well now that I'm in college, there are times (like now) where I have so much free time [which I think is actually meant to be study time, but being the sloth that I am...] than I know what to do with [yes, I'm not really about to consider studying]. Back in high school, you had to study; here in college you will learn that studying is more than just holding a book open with the hopes that something might seep through from the open pages to your brain, praying that your seatmate understood the lesson...
okay, my mind just went blank, I had a whole list set already.

If you will notice I we complaining earlier about the lack of something to do, when in fact I do have something I'm supposed to do: Homework. haha.

• En 12 - An Essay about my dream guy on a 1/2 sheet of paper.
• En 14 - A short skit of Amanda's Character in "The glass Managerie"
• Ma 11 - Answer the unfinished problem. And rewrite the notes. Find someone to teach me.
• Ps 01 - Rewrite notes. Try to find someone who knows anything to teach us, cause we sure as hell know shit.

That's my day.
I doubt I'll be able to accomplish anything aside from those I'm required to submit.

hm... I haven't seen Li or Sir Abad since school started. haha aliw!

Aliw yung info thing!

See the curtains hangin' in the window
In the evening on a friday night
A little light-a-shinin' through the window
Lets me know everything's all right

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin' through the jasmine in my mind

See the paper layin' on the sidewalk
A little music from the house next door
So I walk on up to the door step
Through the screen and across the floor

Sweet days of summer - the jasmine's in bloom
July dressed up and playing her tune
And I come home from a hard day's work
And you're waitin' there
Not a care in the world

See the smile awaitin in the kitchen
Food cookin' and the plates for two
Feel the arms that reach out to hold me
In the evening when the day is through

Trippy.

First day of school. Ugh.

I'm so sabog. One can only take so much confusion in a day.

I bumped the car on the gate yesterday... ugh... Stupidity. I was in my i just woke up so I'm so dazed and my brain isn't working phase. ugh!

Wooohooo I watched the two towers last night!

Goodness! I have nothing better to type. I'm feeling too lazy to recall stuff from the week.

---

[archives]	|	class schedule [1st Sem]
		class schedule [2nd Sem]