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DISCLAIMER: The X-men and X-Teams belong to Marvel. Alas, I am not making any money off this. The writers of X lack of originality is entirely their own. This is intended purely as humour. Flames will be examined, dissected, lightly sautéed and sent back to the person responsible.

The X-Team Recipe.

by Acetal

The recipe for a successful  x-team. Use as many of these ingredients as possible and cram them into approximately ten people.

  1. Take one dream.

  2. Include people of various nationalities and races.

  3. Give them insane hair.

  4. Add a guy with a physically restrictive energy-based power. e.g. optic blasts, bio-nuclear chest.

  5. Add a powerful female telepath with maternal instincts.

  6. Add some people who used to work for the government, a bad guy, or used to be a mercenary.

  7. Add a female who is untouchable for some reason. e.g. absorbing power, super-sharp skin.

  8. Add a big guy who likes big guns.

  9. Add a guy with a weak physical power. e.g. wings, too much skin.

  10. Add someone with an explosive power. e.g. kinetic charging, plasma blasts.

  11. Add someone with super strength (about 50 tons is normal though you may want to vary this depending on taste). Make them practically invulnerable.

  12. Add young people who constantly have to be protected.

  13. Add someone who can use their opponents power against them. e.g. by redirecting it, mimicking it, absorbing it.

  14. Add a really powerful serene female who is useless in certain situations. e.g. freaks out in tight spaces, spaces out whenever she is asked a hard question.

  15. Add someone from the countryside who says `Ah' and make fun of their earnestness.

  16. Add someone who has been fighting for years and resents the leader. Even better, add two.

  17. Add a genius who can make stuff to save them when everything else fails.

  18. Add someone from the future, or who keeps coming back from the dead, or from another dimension, or all of the above.

  19. Add a prankster.

  20. Fill up your quota with semi-reformed thieves.

  21. Spice liberally with telepaths. 

  22. Mix with attitude problems, dark secrets and lots of angst then stir well.

  23. Form into lots of little love triangles.

  24. Wrap in spandex.

  25. Put into unbelievable situations and set on Inferno.

  26. When the Onslaught is finished take out of the situation and serve.

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