Pat's Column

Word-em fellows I am back and I want to start of my
column this week by giving all of you fellows props
that played a part in getting pam billing naked this
past week, I heard that shit was the mad note. Oh
and who ever convinced pam hacket to get naked that
same night ought to get his salad banged out by a big
nigger. Lets move on My trip to see the ruckster was
illadvised, I did not that I could rock out with my
cock out for ten days straight without getting a new
liver, and speaking of livers if you guys hear of
someone who has a clean one for sale please let me
know I am pretty sure mine came out of butt along with
the fresh batch of terds I left in my toliet this
morning. Alright enough bullshit, the topic this week
is how to tell if a girl is soberfuckable when you are
all suited up in your beer goggles and your bad case
of whiskey dick. These sitiuations can be confusing
(I know) So here are some guidelines to follow if you
don't want to wake up next to something that looks
like it fell out of your butt while you were passed
out. Step 1. If she is coming on to you really hard
and your like well I guess she's got nice cans, or I
guess her face isn't as bad as that girl over there
that nearly lost here life to a rottweiler. Back the
fuck off, Your dick is making excuses for you again.
(it happens to the best of us.) Step2. The girl that
is giving blumkins in the bathroom is strictly off
limits (she's mine) I saw her vomit on some guys dick
because his shit was so rank. Step 3. If you think
that this girl is really hot and she is kind of coming
on to you just simply ask her when was the last time
she got checked for STD's. If she says last week ,you
know her slot has been a place were the local prison
inmates call home. So stay the fuck away, if she says
I have not been very active lately that means she 's
horny as fuck and chances are she is something that
would look in your resume. Step 4. Getting your nut
off is one of the most important things in world, so
if there are no prospects that fit into my guidelines
go home and jack it till the sun comes out. (hey at
least it will get done right)
I hope my guidelines will help you fellows make smart
decisions in the future. I am sure you can all point
your fingers in a few directions for my counter
example, but I think I heard about jay gust fucking
connie howen after one of her parties ( I think he cut
his dick off when he woke up)
Much Love Phat Pat!