Pat's Column

Oh snap, Excuse me I am little late with this weeks
column oh and I just farted. Speaking of flagilates
How the hell are you guys today. I know I can barely
breathe after a weekend like the last. I really can't
describe everything that happened but I am going to
try by using some key words. Pussy, Cans, White-boys,
Funbags,Kieslers Ass, Drugs, Axels,TLC, KJ,On the
mother fuckin border, KK, and of course all you ill
niggers that I be seeing. Oh Wait jugs, titties, and
Ass. Ok lets move on. This weeks lesson is how to be
a boss ass player at the tittie bar. First off, make
sure you and your crew are so drunk that you almost
get kicked out on your way in. Next make sure that you
or one of your best friends has enough single dollar
bills to feed a 200 hundred dollar hooker;For real.
After you got these steps down you are well on your
way to waking up in a basement that smells worse than
MRS. Leisure's gunt.(all ya fools that don't know who
MRS. leisure is just think of fat girls pussy that has
been coated with mayno and tarter sauce and then baked
in the sun for a little while, sorry I did not mean
for that to go that far.) Now go find a striper
sitting at the bar, buy her few drinks laugh a little
tell her she has better looking implants than the rest
of the girls. After a few more drinks she is
eventually going to tell you it's time for her to go
to work. Now this is an important part of the night
for you. Tell her you want to buy her one more shot
before she goes make it something strong. After you
have got this stripper in the bag an halfway to
crawling up your ass tell her you want a lap dance. At
this point of your night you have out played the
stripper game. Think about it this drunk ass striper
is about to get butt naked and try to dance on your
freakpipe. I guarantee you will be going home with
something sticky in your boxers and it won't be her.
well I hope I have taught you a little lesson on how
to out play the stripper business. I am going to
Florida on Friday so I will not be writing a column
next week. Much love Phat Pat