His parents were opressive. Not badly so, perhaps, it was only because they cared about him, but it annoyed him to no end.
They weren't the closest of families. His father was a brownrider at Taylor Cliff Weyr, his mother, a greenrider whose dragon had died during thread. She was a greiving woman. Beautiful still, with long brown hair and slanted sad eyes. Everything she did was done with greif. Greif for her dragon, greif because of his father. She raised him by herself, something unusual for greenriders who often gave their children to the care of the lower cavers. Though, he had been born out of a marraige, unlike many of the other greenrider children. But that marraige had not lasted. Salen remembered the day he had opened the door on his father to find him in bed with another greenrider, someone besides his mother.
That itself nearly unhinged her, and doubled her greif even more so. Somehow, all her sadness reflected on him.
His father still wished to be a part of his life, encouraging the 14 year old to aspire to stand as a candidate. Perhaps he would have been able to, but for some reason he did not wish to. Not at first. He hadn't forgiven his father for destroying his mother yet, he didn't want to do something his father wanted to do.
His mother was overprotective. He could not go anywhere, do anything, without her knowing. He was a little boy, after all, and he did want adventure every now and then.
All that was in the past. He is just an ordinary weyrbrat from a somewhat ordinary family, he has no extraordinary story of triumph or overcoming great odds. He was just a boy.
He loved his mother, even though she was sad. He wanted to please her. He came up the stairs that day, holding a precious package in his hand, nearly beaming. He knew he had something that would make her happy.
"Mother?" he said, coming into her room.
"Come in Sal." Came the reply. He had come in anyway.
"Mother! Look what I have brought you!" He opened the cloth bundle he was holding to reveal a small mottled egg. He placed it on the table before her and smiled.
"Oh.." she said, looking at it. A mix of emotions rose in her. It was a firelizard egg. Her caring son had brought it to her! How sweet, and yet at the same time how much of a bitter reminder of her past. It was rocking, it seemed Salen had brought it to her none too soon.
"Its a firelizard for you!" He said. "It can help you, and send messages for you, and the dragonrider from Dark Moon Weyr said they were very friendly pets. It will make you happy."
"Oh!" She exclaimed again. "Dark Moon Weyr? You saw riders from the Dark Moon Weyr? Here? Salen, why didn't you tell me where you were going?" But the egg was hatching. A small white head poked out and looked around at it's new world.
Salen and his mother gasped. "Salen!" She exclaimed, bursting into tears in spite of herself. A white. A white firelizard was rare, and here it was, looking at her. She felt the warmth and love flow over her as the creature bonded itself to her, and was reminded of the sunny day when she had impressed her green dragon lifemate...it was too much. As the beautiful white creature flew to her shoulder, she burst into tears.
"Mother,
what's wrong?" Salen asked, alarmed. "Don't you like it? Would you
rather have another color? Oh but white is so rare. She is
beautiful."
"Yes."
She replied through her sobs. "Yes she is. Thank you. Thank you Salen.
Why don't you run along now, find some friends, or perhaps your father."
Salen nodded
and left, feeling horrible. He had wanted to make her happy, but
all he had done was make her cry.
His father
was bagging firestone. Salen didn' t know why he had come to see
his father.
"Hello
son." His father said cheerfully. "I'm glad you decided to visit
me!"
"I don't
want to." He replied, not caring how he hurt the man's feelings.
He was sick of having to worry about people's feelings. "Mother told
me to help you."
"Oh."
There was silence. "How is she?"
"I
brought her a firelizard, hoping it would make her happy, but I don't think
it did."
"Well
son, she was just like that. An annoying woman, sometimes.
Too sensitive." Salen stared at the man. How could he say these
things in front of her son? Anger filled him.
"She lost
her dragon!" He found himself yelling. "She works her ass off to
care for me, she worked her ass of to care for you, even when she had lost
the will to care for herself, and you just left her! Don't you dare
talk that way about her!"
"Don't
you dare speak to me that way, boy." His father replied.
"Oh
bite me." Salen replied. He had always felt such anger towards his
father, and towards his mother too, but never before had he felt so compelled
to release it. He was normally relatively quiet.
His father
struck him. "Do not speak that way to your betters again, weyrbrat.
I know now why you have resisted becoming a candidate. No decent
dragon would ever want to lay eyes on you!"
Salen took
the wrath in silence, his anger spent.
His mother
had liked the present. She named the firelizard Lilly, and though
it gave her greif she enjoyed its company, some of the time. When
it saddened her too much she would send it away with her son.
She had
done so on that particular day. Salen was walking through the weyrbowl,
watching, along with all of the other children, the arrival of many dragons.
There was some meeting called, a meeting between many different Weyrleaders.
Some golds and bronzes arrived, many blues and greens, and even a white
or two. He recognized some of the more famous Weyrleaders from other weyrs,
those leading the smaller Weyrs he did not recognized, but watched fascinated
all the same.
"Why do
you carry that thing around if you aren't impressed to it?" His friend
ask him, indicating Lilly.
"My mom
wants me to." He replied sullenly.
"Do you
always do everything your mother wants?"
"Well,
she's been through so much...I just want to..."
"Salen,
you can't live under her shadow all the time." Another boy chimed in.
"Yeah,
you've got to break free, decide what you want to do on your own.
Mother can get along without you for a while."
"but.."
He wanted to, yes. But he felt so much guilt at the thought of causing
his mother pain.
"Lets get
closer!" One of the boys said, pointing to the new dragons. "And
see them." They eagerly drew closer to the new arrivals, who were
also watching them.
Some of
the dragons beamed at them in friendly dragon manner, some of them just
ignored the children completely. The riders were already dismounting
and going towards the Weyrleader Hall of Taylor Cliff Weyr.
A rider remained
on one of the greens. She seemed to be conversing with her dragon.
She was somewhat pretty, with brown hair and soft eyes. He found
himself drawn to her.
"Hello." she said to him. He jumped.
"uh, oh hi." He replied ungracefully.
"You have a beautiful firelizard."
She said.
"Oh, thanks, uh, its my mothers."
He replied.
"Your mother." she replied.
"Is she around?"
"Uh, yes. Why, do
you need to speak with her? I thought you were here for a meeting..."
"Well, I am, supposedly."
The girl replied. She looked thoughtful. "Hmm." She said.
"Would the people at Taylor Cliff Weyr be angry if I made you an offer?
I mean, I know the children at each weyr sort of belong to the Weyr, but
I wonder if they would mind..."
"What do you mean?" He asked,
confused.
"My name is Katri." She said instead
of answering directly. "And this is Sophenth. Shhh, I'm a searchrider
for Dragon Fang Weyr. I was just accompanying the Weyrwoman here...my dragon
says you'd make a good candidate. A lot of those boys would, actually,
but you're probably the most."
"A candidate?" He wanted
to say he wasn't interested, but stopped. The truth was, he was
interested.
He had repelled the thought of impressing at Taylor Cliff Weyr because
of parents, but this, this opened up a new possibility. He could go somewhere
away from both of them, somewhere where he could impress and not be influenced
by then in his life.
"I would go with you, away, to
Dragon Fang Weyr?"
"Yes. If Taylor Cliff
can bear to part with you."
He was sure they could.
Salen,
you can't live under her shadow all the time.
But
his mother. She already greived so much. How would she feel without
him?
She would
be proud of him, wouldn't she?
"My mother."
He told Katri. "I must speak to her, if I am going."
"Certaninly.
I'll be here. Send your firelizard to find Sophenth if you can't
find us."
His mother
was not in their room. He found her in the lower caverns with a few
friends.
"Hello
Salen." she said, and pointed to Lilly. "That is my firelizard, isn't she
pretty! Salen got her for me!"
"Hello
Salen." Her friends greeted him also. She seemed much happier in
that moment than he had seen her be in a while.
"Mother."
He said tenatively. "Can I ask you something?" Suddenly, he seemed
deeply afraid of what she might feel or say. He wished he had brought
the searchrider girl with him.
"What is
it?" She asked. He indicated that he wished to ask her alone, and
she got up and left the hearing range of her friends. "What is so
important?" She demanded, suddenly angry.
"I, there,
was a searchrider here. She told me I could be a candidate."
"You want
to ride a dragon?"
"Yes."
"Oh Salen."
She hugged him, catching him off guard. "That's wonderful.
But I thought there wasn't a clutch on the sands currently."
"It's not
here. It's at another weyr, a smaller weyr. Dragon Fang Weyr."
"Another
weyr?" She asked, staring blankly. He nodded.
"Salen!
What is wrong with this weyr? Why do you want to leave me!
You can't leave me! I forbid it. No Saren, you must stay here."
He looked
at her. "Mother, I'm 14 turns, capable of making decisions for myself."
"I said
no!" She practically shreiked. "How could you do this to me?
Do you know how much I'd worry? Do you know how much I'd miss you? What
is wrong with you, you insensitve child! Why do you just want to
cause me more greif! Farranth, haven't I suffered enough in this life already!?"
She was practically hysterical.
At
that moment Salen's emotions were torn. He felt for his mother's greif,
as he always did, and he knew he was the only thing that kept her happy,
and if he left she would be sad. But he also found himself hating
her. Hating her for being so emotional, hating her for taking over
his life. It frightened him.
"Here!"
He exclaimed, and gave her Lilly. "I'm sorry." He said, and fled
the room.
He found
the searchrider again. She was smiling at him, something he did not
particularly feel like seeing at the moment.
He started
to say, "I cannot go, my mother would not be happy." But he stopped
himself.
"If I went,"
he asked, "would I be given a place to stay? With food and all?"
She laughed.
"Of course. You might want to gather any personal belongings that
hold particular importance to you though."
"I don't
have any. And I wish to go. I want to go to Dragon Fang to become
a candidate." After he had impressed his dragon, he could always come back.
She would be angry, but she would forgive him. He hurried onto the
green dragon's neck without giving himself a chance to think about it and
regret his decision. He would be useless stuck at that Weyr.
A small beacon of sanity for his mother perhaps, but her clinginess was
destroying his own sanity. She was happier with her friends that
she was with him anyway.
As Sophenth
spread her wings and took to the sky though, he found that he had no regrets.