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| Jack and the Lizard |
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| One day John was riding on his bike down a steep hill when he saw something in the distance moving on the road. He started to slow down when he heard a snap! After the loud snap he started picking up speed again down the hill. He tried his breaks but they didn’t work. After he put 1 and 1 together he figured the loud snap was his breaks breaking. This was not good, especially when he saw the thing on the road getting closer as he flew down the hill on his bike. John turned left on his bike to evade the thing but the thing also turned left. John looked at the thing and it was going left and right trying to get out of the way. Then at the same time John was going the same why he was trying to get out of the way. John freaked out and hit the lizard, which then sent John flying through the air onto sharp jagged rocks. With a loud thud he hit the rocks. For miles people could hear the snapping of bones and crunching of cartilage on the hard unforgiving rocks. When John awoke he was lying in a pile of his own blood; he was light headed and was in agonizing pain. Then he smiled maybe from the loss of blood maybe from the 21 fractures in his skull but it was a amazing he was alive! John struggled to get up but he finally managed to get on his feet. He walked over to his bike and it was a total disaster, there were no wheels, no handlebars, seat and the metal that was left was twisted. When he turned around he saw the thing that had made him crash. It was a lizard! After the lizard had been run over by a speeding bike with a person on it he was dead as a doornail. So John picked up the lifeless lizard and started walking home. It was a long way home without a bike so he just shrugged and started walking. John was very tired by then not to mention hungry. As he walked through the desert like area he noticed that his left arm had to be broken and his right leg was really messed up cause it was moving in all different directions. John was really hungry now so he decided the lizard wouldn’t mind if he ate its tail. John just thought the lizard would grow a new one. John was tired from walking and filled up from that tasty tail the lizard let him have. John dug a whole in the sand with the lizard’s mouth. It took a while to dig the whole but after he was done he hopped right in and went to bed. That night John had a strange dream. He dreamed about pink little bunnies and the gigantic lions that would rip the bunny’s legs of and beat them with their own legs. The most interesting part was the lizard that crawled around pooping on people’s driveways and yelling, “FREEDOM!” Then at the end of the dream the lizard grew the size of a T-Rex and jumped on cars saying, “FEED ME!” All in all it was a strange night of dreams. That morning John and his lizard friend had a wonderful breakfast, a handful of sand! John realized his lizard friend didn’t have a name. After 2 hours of thinking he finally thought of a name, and it was Lizard. John smiled and said, “yes my good chap you shall be know as lizard from this day forward. From here out we shall rule the land, free the children and yes, yes that’s right, FEED THE ANIMALS! BWA HA HA By George, I’m A GENIOUS, YES, YES I SAY, A GENIOUS!” The lizard by now was smelling of rotten eggs, the lizard was covered in sand, his mouth was full of it, and the lizards guts that were hanging out, those too where covered in sand. One of the lizard’s eyes was missing and so was his tail. The lizard was not looking like a lizard any more it was torn and ratty, but that would not stop John and the lizard from getting home. John got up and brushed himself off. John gasped the lizard firmly in his hand and began walking again. After a while of walking in the sand he abruptly stopped and started to sink, it could only be one thing John thought to himself, quick sand! John reached into his pocket and found kite string. John smiled as he thought of a plan. He took of long peace of string and wrapped it around Lizard’s neck. John chucked Lizard as far as he could and yelled for him to start pulling. John sat there sinking in the sand waiting for Lizard to start pulling. Right when John was about to yell for him to pull John went under. Lizard was being pulled closer and closer to the quick sand then finally Lizard was sucked into the quick sand of death!!! DON, DON, DON! When John woke up he was in a dark gloomy cavern with bones all around. When he stood up he was terrified at the horrible, frightening, dreaded, unbelievable, atrocious, disfigured, monstrosity of a sight! It was Lizard hanging on a rope which was barley hanging on to a twig on the ground. John Leaped and grabbed the string and saved Lizard! After I thought about how I had survived I was confused. Then I realized how simple it was. After I fell into the quick sand it acted as super potassium, which let me dissolve into tiny cells seeing as the worm whole would not allow molecules through it. After I dissolved my cells were denser then the sand I was in. After the space-time continuum slowed down as a passed through the core of the earth letting my cells evolve through the different conditions of the earth’s complexity. In which after my cells fell to the ground my collaborated as they found one another. Which in toned acted as a pacifier and as a pacifier it would eliminate commercial broadcasting in the 34 century. John turned to the lizard and said, “to simplify this is will excrete my bodily waste.” So Josh ran behind the nearest rock and pooped on it. John wanted to be home so he just scratched his stomach and said, “Johnny, Johnny apple seed!” It really didn’t do anything but it was fun to sing. John started walking on the side of the mountain. John saw a portal and Jumped in with Lizard. The portal spit us out in front of John’s house. John said, “ no way! That was a little, too easy!” John’s mom saw him and ran outside. She said to John, “dear it’s to great to see you, I was worried sick! WHERE WERE YOU? Oh my dear lord you’re covered in blood, are you OK? Hurry Hun get inside.” John just sat there dazed, looking at her. Then he snapped to his senses and threw Lizard at his mom. John ran as fast as he could until he saw an open man whole and jumped in. No one ever saw poor, disturbed John again. If you have any information on crazy John call your local sheriff’s dept. The end…. Or is it? Moral: When you love someone pee your pants for good luck! |
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