Season 1

20 March 2003
1.1 - Pilot Episode

The episode began with Chip introducing the show, the band, and explaining the concept to the audience. We also here learn that the "new-choice" bell is being used. He asked for a line to base the first scene upon, and took "Are those your new teeth?" He then explained the premise of the episode - that Jeff Miller, from the mailroom, had been called up to see his boss, Mr. Henderson (Tim Conway). The first scene began with Mr. Henderson talking on the phone - and making a pretty bad joke (is this a party line? I can hear lots of voices). Jeff speaks to him briefly, and then goes off to the Sun Spot hotel in LA, where he meets the manager Carl (with a small b). Chip asked for a trait that would make Carl eccentric, and he took "giggles like a small girl."

Chip then introduces the hotel employees - Brenda, the assistant manager; the bar manager, Monty; and the hotel maid Caramel. Jeff greets the employees and we learn about the lounge act Fifi and the Professor. Jeff then goes off the speak to Carl, who has died in his office. Chip asks for what Jeff should do, and takes "CPR". Jeff, not wanting to give him mouth-to-mouth, decides that Carl smells dead and calls Mr. Henderson. As he tries to explain what happened, Mr. Henderson explains that the phones are "eaking up" and does a rather fine job of talking as if on a phone that really was breaking up. Mr. Henderson puts Jeff in charge of the hotel. Jeff then says "This is the worst day of my life" and gets new-choiced. He changes his line to "This is the best day of my life," gets new choiced again, and says "This is an average day in my life." He gets new choiced one last time, and says "Fourth floor, women's lingerie."

Anyway, after this happens Chip describes Jeff telling the employees what happened while Jeff and the employees are miming - and Jeff's mime of Carl dying was one of the funniest moments of the episode. Jeff then goes to watch the lounge act, and decides they are awful and something needs to be done to make their act better. Chip asks for what should be done, and someone suggests "fly girls" to be added. Jeff suggests to Fifi and the Professor that they need fly girls for their act, and Fifi and the Professor quit. The Professor calls Jeff an "A-hole", gets new-choiced, and calls him "f**k face". Jeff is stunned by this and starts laughing, saying "I don't think he can say that on TV." He then pretends to go try and beat up the woman who suggested "fly girls."

Jeff must now audition new lounge acts. Chip explains that he got suggestions of names from the audience and begins pulling them out of the Whose Line patriotic hat. The first is Kentucky Countdown. Lance and Lyndsey are acting out the lounge acts using props from back stage. They come out in cowboy hats with a guitar and trumpet, and ask Jeff for a number. He gives 11, and they start singing: "11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6..." until Jeff yells "next." The next suggestion was "World's noisiest mimes." The demonstration was quite noisy. The final suggestion was "Lisa Loeb," and, surprise surprise, out comes Lisa Loeb, whom Jeff promptly yells "next" at.

Deciding that the search for a new lounge act is completely futile, Jeff goes to see Brenda to ask her to help get Fifi and the Professor back. He promises to have Mr. Henderson make her the manager (we learn Mr. Henderson is on his way to the hotel to check up on Jeff), and Chip makes Jeff sing a song to prove that he means what he says. He sings in the style of "gangsta rap." I don't know about you, but I love when Jeff sings with angry-energy like that. Anyway, Brenda brings Fifi and the Professor into the lobby to help convince them to come back to work, and they say that Jeff has to talk to their agent, played by Andy Dick. Jeff promises anything they want, and Andy gets new-choiced several times, saying Leer Jet, a bicycle built for 16, and horse meat. Jeff then promises to clear their bar tab and the two agree to go back to work.

The episode concludes with Mr. Henderson coming to the hotel to see how things are going. The hotel has more guests than ever, and they've all come to see Fifi and the Professor. Mr. Henderson is about to give Jeff a promotion when Jeff suggests that Brenda be made manager. Brenda shoves her way over, knocking Jeff down, and so Mr. Henderson makes Jeff the permanent manager of the hotel. The episode ends with the cast members running through the audience, dancing and talking to people.

And now, for my opinion:
I think the show has a lot of promise. It is reminiscent of a half hour SNL sketch. There are some issues though with the formatting. I think that the host's role is somehow wrong. Maybe it was just because it was the first episode, but Chip talked a lot. Don't get me wrong, I like Chip and think he did a good job as the host, but there was something off about it. Also, another thing about Chip's performance that I really didn't like was that he never took the first suggestion for anything. Part of improv etiquette, at least how I understand it, is to always take the first suggestion. Otherwise, it looks like you're being too picky, choosing things you know will work. Other than that, I thought it was a pretty good showing. The players certainly seemed to be having a good time, and other than a few stupid jokes (mostly from Tim Conway's character) the laughs were genuine. Good job, kids. I only suggest picking up the pace a little, to make the show flow more easily.


27 March, 2003 -
1.2 - Little Brenda Dynamite


I turned on tonight's episode after it had already started, so I missed the first introduction, but can't imagine that it was wholly different from last week. Chip again asked for a line to base the first scene on, this time taking "I can't see." The first scene was a staff meeting in the Sun Spot Hotel. One of the funniest lines from this episode came during this first scene: "The Gideon people are going to be coming around to replace all of our Bibles. Apparently, it didn't take six gays to create the world." Anyway, Jeff announces to the staff that Mr. Henderson has decided to let them create a television commercial for the hotel. Caramel says she can't be in it, however: she can't see. Fifi announces that she has no problem doing a commercial - and no problem with nudity. The commercial, as one might expect, was very cheesy - but we do learn that the Sun Spot is Malibu's only two-star hotel with one-star prices. The commercial director decided that they needed a new jingle, and Chip asked for a new slogan from the audience. He took "We've got corduroy," so Jeff and Brenda made up a song about the new slogan. It was very catchy.

In the next scene, Jeff and Brenda are talking in the manager's office about the commercial. We learn it was a huge hit in Japan - they play it every fifteen minutes on their hit show "Monkey Robot Hello." Brenda then makes her confession: she used to be the number one pop star in Japan, under the name of "Little Brenda Dynamite." Jeff asks her, "Anything you want to tell me before it airs in Germany?" gets new choiced, and asks "What's Japanese for 'I just wet my pants'?" He reassures her that no one is going to fly halfway around the world to see her, but as soon as he opens the door, we see that just the opposite is the case. The hotel has never had more visitors, and they all want Brenda to sing: apparently, hearing "Turning Japanese" as sung by Fifi and the Professor is not their idea of a good time.

Chip announces that Jeff used to be a traveling preacher, and asks for something found "on God's green earth." He takes rubber duckie, and tells Jeff to give a sermon to Brenda, convincing her to sing, using rubber duckie as a metaphor. He does so, in that preach-y way of his (I don't really know how to describe it) and gets Brenda to agree to sing. She says: "I have felt the duckie, I have squeezed the duckie, and I will do one song!" She also agrees to wear the costume - a short plaid schoolgirl skirt with knee socks. Her song is quite amusing, and has been stuck in my head since I heard it. The lyrics are:
"Candy candy yum yum
Rainbow smile
River made of ice cream
Super awesome cowboy
Chop chop karate
Shiny metal kite
Doughnuts eating popcorn
Little Brenda Dynamite"
Back at the front desk, Jeff is swamped with Japanese visitors, and when the phone rings he answers it "Konnichi-wa." He asks Caramel to work the desk while he goes to talk to Brenda. The first person Caramel helps speaks in Japanese: he gets new-choiced twice before asking "Dónde está el baño?" When Jeff goes to speak to Brenda, we learn that she has no plans to give up her singing, and also that Jack Black and Tenacious D are a tribute band to Little Brenda Dynamite. Very amusing.

Jeff is very angry with Brenda at this point, and walks out into the lobby after giving her an ultimatum to go back to work. In the lobby he encounters Barry Butters, played by Robert Wagner. Butters, the stereotypical sleezy manager, gets Brenda to go back to Japan with him to perform. Jeff is forced to then promote everyone: Caramel is now the assistant manager, Monty is the hotel maid, and the Japanese man from the earlier scene at the front desk is the bar manager. Jeff ponders over what to do, saying that they have to accept that Brenda's never coming back. Caramel then shares a postcard she got a week ago, which describes how Brenda's been forced to live in a wooden crate and sing 18 hours a day. If she refuses, they beat her with sticks; if she agrees, they beat her with slightly smaller sticks. Chip describes how the group pools their money and flys to Japan to confront Barry Butters.

In Japan, the groups meets with Barry to try to convince him to give them back Brenda. It doesn't work, and Chip asks for a style of film to use to try to convince Barry. He takes silent movie, and the cast recreates the scene in silent movie form. It was spectacular - especially the exaggerated waddle and facial expressions. After this scene - which concluded with an obscene gesture from Jeff - Barry says, "How did you all know I'm such a sucker for silent films?" He agrees to give Brenda back - if he can have the Professor's ascot. The Professor reluctantly gives it up, and they "fly" back to Malibu.

As with the first episode, this one concluded with a moral from the audience: Chip took "Don't eat sushi on Tuesday." The cast then improvised a song based on this moral, in a sort of heavy-metal-hard-rock type style.

I thought this episode was much better than the first. It moved faster; there was less down time when Chip was taking suggestions; and Chip himself seemed to be having more fun and took more risks with suggestions. The plot was still kind of rediculous, but in a fun kind of way. Tim Conway was notably absent from this episode, and Lindsay Stoddart and Lance Barber had no role other than fans of Little Brenda Dynamite and briefly as the commercial directors. This episode went very well indeed, and I hope they will continue to improve as the actors learn to trust each other more in their various roles. Hurray for everyone, it was a very fun time.


3 April 2003
1.3 - The Bachelorette Party

This episode started off with a brief introduction from Chip - this time introducing the band as Dweezil and the Mai Tais (do they have a real name or does it change?). As the line for the first scene, he takes "Where did this monkey come from?" The first scene opens with Monty, Caramel, and Jeff standing as statues while Chip explains that Monty and Caramel are complaining to Jeff about the repairs that need to be done on the hotel. Jeff starts the scene with "So when I went to bed, there were like five girls with me, but when I woke up, it's like, where did this monkey come from?" Monty and Caramel procede to complain about the various problems with the hotel - including how the bar gun only shoots out raw sewage (and Monty's not sure how long he can pass them off for Mudslides).

Brenda comes in next, and starts talking about the bridal shower she's throwing for her friend Sissy. Chip asks one audience member for a country (the woman gives Asia), a body part (big toe), and a hobby (golf) that Brenda must use as the basis for the story of the day she and Sissy first met. Caramel starts joking about how bad Brenda's parties are, saying "Remember last year's beach bonfire barbecue? Half the guests had to get skin grafts." She gets new-choiced, and says "And half the guests didn't." Fifi and the Professor come in to entertain with a song for the bridal party based on their own wedding night.. and they sing "Like a Virgin." Brenda gives them the night off, and Fifi and the Professor go off to make pudding.

Jeff now has to deal with all of the angry customers while the others prepare for the party. In the lobby he talks with a young-ish pregnant woman, and says "We will fix that balconey and find the rest of your husband," gets new-choiced, "We will find that balconey and fix your husband so this [taps her stomach] never happens again," gets new-choiced, "We will find your husband, and if we don't, we'll have Johnny Cash sing a song about him," gets new-choiced, "C'mon, some of those were funny, how many bells am I gonna get?" The camera turns to the left, and who should be standing there ringing the front desk bell but good old Tim Conway. He announces that he's going to be spending the night in the hotel, since he has a meeting with the loan officer (to get money to fix the hotel) in the morning and won't be able to sleep at home.

Sissy (Cheri Oteri) arrives at the hotel, and Brenda is ecstatic to see her. Brenda introduces her to Jeff, who says "Nice to meet you," to which Sissy responds, "Back off perv, I'm engaged." Brenda promises that the party will be under control, but Sissy warns that they'll be quiet only if they run out of batteries: she brought "that naughty toy we used to play with late at night"... the game Simon. The next scene begins at the bridal shower, where Sissy is opening her gifts. She gets a red plaid nightgown ("This will really keep the wedding night hot.") and oven mitts ("Okay, who's the nut?") Jeff comes into the bar where the party is, and says, "I just got Mr. Henderson to sleep. Man, that guy loves Curious George." He gets new-choiced, so he says " Man, that guy loves his Hugh Grant movies."

Meanwhile, Caramel and Fifi have been getting so very bored at the party, so Fifi calls a stripper. The party gets real loud real fast, and Jeff and Brenda begin to fight about it. Chip collects sentences from the audience for use in this game (if you've never seen the game Sentences, the players pick sentences out of a hat/bowl that they must use in their conversation). The sentences used were "You have a gift for pointing out the obvious"; "When you see a girl in legwarmers, that's wow!"; "I love New York." Jeff, losing the argument somehow, storms out, and runs into Monty in the lobby. He warns Monty not to go in there - but of course Monty goes in. He comes back out shortly, his clothing torn and money all over him, and gives Jeff a big kiss. I have never seen a more shocked look on Jeff's face.

Upstairs, the Professor is walking down the hallway with a big bowl that says "PUDDIN' " on it that's full of chocolate pudding. He's singing to himself "puddin, pudding pudding...." Mr. Henderson opens the door to his room and asks the Professor what all the noise is about. The Professor apologizes and starts singing more quietly "puddin puddin puddin..." Mr. Henderson tells the Professor that now he'll never get to sleep, so the Professor pulls out a handfull of sleeping pills gives him one (which were actually Good and Plenty's if I'm not mistaken), so Mr. Henderson goes back to sleep. The Professor then shoves all of the rest of the pills into his mouth, so they "don't feel left out." He then continues down the hallway, singing "pills, pills, pills, puddin and pills."

Back at the party - Fifi and Caramel are now drunk, and Jeff is about to freak out, because Sissy is running around half-naked and ends up in the audience. He again storms out, only to find a one Mr. Douglass (played by Lance) from the bank, who has showed up early for his meeting with Mr. Henderson. Jeff puts Mr. Douglass into the manager's office and goes to look for Mr. Henderson. Upstairs he only finds the Professor, who admits to giving Mr. Henderson a sleeping pill. Jeff and the Professor go into Mr. H's room to see if they can roust him, but Mr. H is gone. The Professor proclaims that he must have accidently given him an invisibility pill ("they work!"), and jumps on the bed to "catch" him. He rolls off, losing his wig in the process.

By this time, Mr. Douglass has fallen asleep in Jeff's office. Jeff walks in, presenting Mr. Henderson to Mr. Douglass - but it's really the Professor, pretending to be Mr. H. After the Professor gives a very good answer to the one question Mr. Douglass had for him, the real Mr. Henderson walks in. The new choice bell gets rung halfway through one of the Professor's lines, and there is a dispute over who should take it. Mr. Henderson then walks over to the nearest camera like a football ref reviewing the play. When he comes back, he says "After reviewing it, we find it's your joke." The Professor then continues with his line - revealing that he's not Mr. Henderson and that it's a scam. The loan is then denied - surprise, surprise. They all leave the office, and Sissy comes running in, lookin' for some lovin'. Sissy and Mr. Douglass go into Jeff's office, and "Three very passionate minutes later" they come out, and the loan is approved. Mr. Douglass says that he realized what the hotel had to offer, and Sissy says that she realized if she was going to cheat on her fiance, she should have done it with the fireman.
The moral of tonight's episode, as supplied by the crowd, was "Go for the fireman." The lyrics to the song are as follows:
Well, if you're lookin' for someone, here's something everybody knows (everybody knows)
Always go for the man with the biggest hose (biggest hose)
If you get get and you wanna put it out 'cause you got a real buring fire
Check out the man with the thigh high boots 'cause I heard that he's for hire
The fireman knows where it goes
The fireman knows where it goes
The fireman knows where it goes


Tonight's episode was on par with last week's. I think there were some miscues, and I really did not enjoy the gag with Jeff, Mr. Henderson and the new-choice bell. It was funny.. until I realized it was a gag. You know? Anyway, the highlights of this episode were Jeff's line about the monkeys from the first scene, the puddin' scene, the last song - especially Jeff's face while he was singing his two lines (the first two), and Tim Conway's checking the instant replay on the new-choice bell (at least in my opinion those were the highlights). I am hoping they branch out a little bit - the game of sentences tonight was welcome, in my opinion, but too short. Brenda seemed to be having a bit of trouble with the game. All in all, it was good, and very entertaining.


10 April 2003
Episode 1.4 - The Hooker Convention

Hurray for another episode of On The Spot. Chip did the introduction as usual, introducing the band as Dweezil Zappa and the Seamonkeys. There was also a special guest musician tonight - the one and only Clarence Clemmons. He took as the line for the first scene "I have ants in my pants." The first scene began in Mr. Henderson's office, where he was awaiting a call from the hotel manager Jeff. As the scene opens, Henderson is on the phone, talking about the cake he'd ordered. He'd wanted it to say "Happy 78th Birthday, Mommy," but someone changed it to "I have ants in my pants." He hangs up, then Jeff calls. A split screen effect is used, and when Henderson notices, he says "Don't sneak up on me like that!" Mr. Henderson explains to Jeff that he's been looking over the hotel's books and isn't happy. Jeff suggests that he try the Harry Potter books, because his niece likes them. He gets new-choiced and suggests that Henderson try the Harry Potter books because they helped his niece deal with puberty; gets new-choiced once again and suggests that Henderson try the Book of Mormon. Henderson gets mad at Jeff for joking around, and yells at him to fill the hotel with guests. Jeff says he's doing his best, but Henderson hangs up on him. Mr. Henderson then leaves his office through the 4th wall (audience-side wall that doesn't really exist) and walks around the set into Jeff's office. He yells at Jeff that he's been arguing with his wife all weekend, so "just do it!"

Chip explains that Fifi and the Professor and the rest of the staff are having an important meeting in the bar. The meeting turns out to be the gang playing cards... or strip yahtzee... and Fifi's losing. Jeff storms in, upset about the phone call. Brenda asks him how it went, and he answers "Terrible, he didn't do one line from the script." Brenda and Jeff argue about whether the hotel has guests or not - it seems that there is only one guest, Johan, who thinks the hotel is a youth hostel. Brenda tells Jeff she can fill the hotel in twenty-four hours.

The next day, Brenda has apparently filled the hotel with nicely dressed, very pretty women. Jeff asks who they are and how she did it, and Brenda explains that it's the Professional Women of America's Convention, and she got them all to stay at the Sun Spot by being enthusiastic about the hotel. Chip emerges from the manager's office and explains that Brenda used to be a cheerleader, and that's how she was so enthusiastic. He asks the audience for things a person might find in a hotel, and skips over a lot of suggestions (grrr) before settling on toilet paper. Brenda then does the toilet paper cheer that she used to convince the convention to use the hotel. Afterwards, she shows Jeff the schedule of events for the convention - which includes "Dress for Success"; "How to Plan for Retirement"; and "Have Sex with More Costomers for Increased Profits." Jeff asks Brenda just exactly what the Professional Women of America DO, and one of the women (Lindsay Stoddart) answers "Anything you want, scarecrow, except kiss on the mouth. We're hookers!" (note: anytime the word "hookers" is used for the rest of the episode, the women cheer and techno music plays.) Poor Jeff starts to freak out, asking what they're going to do if Mr. Henderson finds out. Brenda reassures him that Henderson is too busy arguing with his wife to find out when.. he walks in with his suitcase, annoucing that he's moving in. Brenda realizes just how bad this is, and says to Jeff "Well, the hookers just got here and you're already screwed." Then: "Dweezil, a little sneaking off music."

Mr. Henderson explains to Jeff why his wife kicked him out - he gets new-choiced into saying that she talks too much and he doesn't listen to her. Henderson goes to get a drink, not noticing the hookers. Jeff instructs Brenda to get the hookers to leave, while he calls Monty at the bar and gets him to keep Mr. Henderson busy. Jeff picks up the lobby phone and dials Monty, and when Monty answers he says "Hey Monty, it's Jeff.." He gets new-choiced, and says "Hey Monty, it's Raul the pool cleaner." He then adopts a spanish accent with which he finishes the conversation. As soon as he tells Monty that the lobby's full of hookers, Monty comes charging out of the bar, ready for action. Meanwhile, Caramel begins talking with Lindsay's character, who mistakes Caramel for a hooker because of the outfit. Lindsay comments that she must get a lot of work in that outfit, to which Caramel responds "Every room in the hotel." Lindsay asks for some tips, and Caramel says "Anything's better that spending the afternoon on my knees polishing wood." Hurray for double-entendres. Brenda tells Jeff that she can't get rid of the hookers, and when she tried, one of them tried to cut her. Mr. Henderson then comes out of the bar announcing he's met a woman and he's in love - with Chocolate Divine (Clarence Clemmons).

Mr. Henderson and Chocolate Divine spend time together in the bar, talking and giggling. Brenda comes in and says she has an idea of how to get rid of the hookers (strangely enough, we never find out what the idea was). Jeff says that they have bigger problems, namely Mr. Henderson and Chocolate Divine. Fifi and the Professor begin to play the most appropriate song ever - Sweet Transvestite (from the Rocky Horror Picture Show). Brenda and Jeff motion for them to stop, which they do. Jeff then "has an idea" - and the two run into the audience, looking for a man who "has experience with trannies." They pick a man named Brad, and ask him what they should tell Mr. Henderson. He responds, "Run for your life." Brenda and Jeff then pull him out of the audience and down to the bar, but by the time the get there, Mr. Henderson and Chocolate Divine are gone. They blame this on poor Brad, and we see that Chocolate Divine has carried Mr. Henderson off to the honeymoon suite.

The next scene begins in the upstairs hallway, where Chip explains that Brenda and Jeff have been running all around looking for Mr. Hendrson. Also, there might be a goat in this scene. Brenda and Jeff come running in from opposite directions, dismayed that they haven't found Henderson. Johan then comes down the hallway...with a goat. They ask him if he's seen Mr. Henderson, and decide that his answer (in gibberish, meant to be dutch?, that got new-choiced) meant the honeymoon suite. They turn around and knock on the door to the suite, and Mr. Henderson answers. Jeff says that they have something important to tell him, and Henderson warns them not to take too long because "this pill doesn't last forever." Chip announces that they are going to sing to Mr. Henderson, and takes punk as the style. Hurray for Jeff's British punk voice. Anyway, after the song Mr. Henderson tells them he couldn't hear a word they said, because his hearing aid is on the night table next to his thong.

Chip narrates that Brenda and Jeff are now convinced that they're going to get fired, and asks Dweezil what he thinks they did next. Dweezil answers "They got together the next morning and ate an owl." Chip says that that's close, but what they really did was go break the news to the rest of the staff. Caramel says she can't believe it's over. Brenda asks her why she would get fired, since she's just the maid, and Caramel answers, "I put bleach in the soup." Mr. Henderson comes down the stairs, whistling and looking quite pleased with himself. The staff is shocked. Henderson explains that he spent a night of passion with the most wonderful woman in the world - but that it wasn't Chocolate Divine. She'd ordered a bowl of soup and then run screaming from the room ... and straight into Fifi and the Professor's room. She'd then robbed them of all the money they had. Anyway, it turns out that Henderson spent the night with his wife, because he liked a "more delicate" woman than Chocolate. Mrs. Henderson comes down the stairs, played by a rather large man (though indeed smaller than Clarence Clemmons).

Chip asks for the moral of the story, and settles on "Look before you leap." Fifi and the Professor begin a song about the moral and the whole cast joins in.

And onto my opinion - I didn't think this episode was as good as the last two. It did have some very strikingly funny moments, especially the conversation between Caramel and Lindsay's hooker character. I was also glad to see that both Lindsay and Lance had characters this week, unlike last week. Jeff and Brenda's punk song was another highlight - they have a lot of good energy together. One complaint - Chip this week took a very long time to pick a suggestion, and only once took the first suggestion. Maybe there's a reason for it... but maybe not. Especially when the audience seems to have so few suggestions, why not just take the first one? All in all, good episode, but could be better.


17 April 2003
Episode 1.5 - One Star Hotel
Before I even begin, a big HURRAY!!! for tonight's episode. It rocked. Anyway - the show started as usual, though this time as the show opened Chip was dancing on the stairs in a top hat, holding a sparkly cane. More on the top hat later. He asked the audience for a three-word phrase this time. He got "cheese graters are sharp" from one man - which is clearly a four word phrase - leading Chip to say "Cheese graters are sharp, but you, not so much." He ended up taking "wide load coming." The first scene began in the bar, where Fifi and the Professor were "taking it easy on another lazy day." Jeff enters with exciting news - he's just heard from Warner Brothers that Andy Richter is coming to the hotel to research his role as bellboy for the upcoming movie "Wide Load Coming", which Jeff explains is the Jennifer Lopez story. Everyone is excited about this, since it will solve the hotel's money problems, and, as Brenda put it, "We won't have to steal towels from the guests anymore." Jeff does warn everybody that since Andy's coming to do research, he should be treated as a real bellboy and not a movie star. Fifi answers that she'll treat him like she treats every other man in the hotel - with hot passion in her boudoir (and the Professor in the closet).

The next scene begins in the lobby, where Jeff reminds everyone to keep it cool when Andy arrives. Andy and his agent (Lindsay Stoddart) walk in, and the audience starts cheering. Jeff isn't amused- he walks over to the audience and says, "I said keep it cool." Moving along, we learn that the agent's name is Dixie Whiskers, and that the staff has one week to turn Andy Richter into a bellboy. Andy, realizing why he's at the hotel, starts to complain: "I thought this was detox!" But, as Dixie reminds him, "there's no detox for doughnuts!" She begs him to behave himself - "remember what happened with Drew Carey." Andy explains to Jeff that they were jousting... and Dixie adds "in the mens room." After this, Dixie leaves, and Andy begins hitting on Brenda, explaining that he's a movie star.. and has an ass like a space helmet.

So, now Jeff has set Caramel and Monty to the task of training Andy to be a bellboy. To help, Chip brings in a set of pictures that audience members drew that the cast must use to teach Andy to be a bellboy. Jeff's suggestion: "The first thing you have to lean is there is one major don't in bellhopping and it's [reveals picture of dog and gun] never shoot a dog." Monty describes to Andy how the first bellhops were pioneers from [reveals picture of bikini and baseball bat] Baseballsia, Bazerria and Pantalona. Caramel reveals the next picture - of a man and a car - and says, "If a stranger approaches you, and is like, 'Could you check my car?' you're not the valet, you're the bellhop and he's looking to hurt you." Mr. Richter, however, is not impressed.

Up in the hallway Andy runs into Brenda again and begins hitting on her again (calling her "big face" for some reason). At first she rejects his advances, but Andy tells her that he knows she really wants him. Brenda responds "You read me like I'm a cheap pulp novel," gets new-choiced, and says "You read me like I'm made of words and you're hooked on phonics, aren't you." In a moment of passion Brenda throws Andy against the wall, whereupon a sconce falls on Andy's head. Brenda runs to get ice, and while she's gone, a guest (Lance Barber) tells Andy to get his bags, thinking he's really a bellhop. Andy, agrees, saying, "That's right, I'm Andy the bellhop!" - amnesia, anyone?

The next scene starts in the bar, where Caramel and Monty have been lowering Fifi's keyboard a half inch a day, so she'll think she's a giant. Jeff asks Brenda if she thinks something is wrong with Andy after he brings the two lemon squares and announces that his "luggage sense" is tingling. Brenda says no.. until Andy comes running back, gives Jeff a big hug, and starts kissing Jeff's cheek. Back in the lobby, Fifi and the Professor ask Andy to introduce them to his manager - and he introduces them to Jeff. Jeff asks Brenda if anything happened to Andy, and she replies "You mean, after the heavy sconce smashed him on the head? No, nothing." Jeff accuses her of making out with him, and Brenda confesses, "I'm a dirty girl." She gets new-choiced and says "The smell of doughnuts turns me on." Jeff, frustrated, says "That explains it. Andy Richter's not a good actor, he's got amnesia!" They decide not to panic - after all, they've got a week and maybe it will wear off - when in walks Dixie Whiskers, demanding to have her star back so they can start filming "Wide Load Coming: The Jennifer Lopez Story" tomorrow.

To stall for time, Jeff ushers Dixie into the bar, where Fifi and the Professor will entertain her. Fifi, whose hands now barely reach her keyboard, asks, "Professor, do I look bigger to you?" They then begin singing Bootylicious to poor Dixie. Meanwhile, in the manager's office, Brenda has looked up how to cure amnesia on howtocureamnesia.com. She reads that it might help jar his memory if they talk about events from his past - but none of the staff knows anything about Andy Richter's past. Chip comes in with a bowl full of what he describes as "random events" that the cast must use to help jog Andy's memory. (The suggestions actually turn out to be sentences or phrases rather than events." Brenda goes first, telling Andy how he was in a garage band when he was a teenager and his favorite song was "Hey monkey, you want a banana?" Monty reminds Andy that he lost his virginity at 19, and the first thing the girl said afterwards was "I'm not good at it but I'll do it anyway." Caramel reminds Andy that his hobbies include jetskiing and France, and that his motto while jetskiing around Paris is "You shut up when you talk to me." Jeff reminds Andy that he's famous for what he yells when having sex: "Save the seamonkeys!" None of this seems to help, and Jeff realizes that "what we need is someone from Andy's past." In walks Drew Carey, furious at Andy for never speaking to him, and announces that "This illegal Mexican marriage is over!"

Jeff and Brenda are now in a panic, because Fifi and the Professor can't keep Dixie entertained for long. They decide to just confess, and hope that they don't get sued. Dixie, however, couldn't be happier that Andy thinks he's just a bellhop - she turns to him and says, "Hey kid, you wanna be in a movie?" Andy asks how much it pays, and Dixie tells him "$500". She gets new-choiced, and says "We pay in hugs here at Warner Brothers." Andy agrees to do it, and asks Jeff for some time off. Jeff says "You got it kid, go make us proud." He gets new-choiced, and says "No f***ing way." He gets new-choiced again, and syas "Only if you give me about $1000 worth of Warner Brothers hugs!"

Chip wraps up the episode by saying that the movie was a great success- it was almost released. Fifi and the Professor were even hired to do the theme song, the title of which Chip gets from the audience: "Honey, Don't Tailgate." The cast sings the song - the best lines being the Professor's. He sings: "Honey don't tailgate, you'll cause a wreck. / J. Lo's butt swallowed Ben Affleck."

And now, a word from our sponsor: Once again, this episode rocked my socks, and I have pretty cool socks. Everyone was ON this week, and although I don't particularly like Andy Richter, he did a fine job as the movie star/ bellhop, even poking fun at himself: "My movies have grossed over 1 million dollars." One thing I noticed about this episode which was weird to me was that twice someone bit at Jeff's finger. Caramel did it first, when he told her to calm down in the first scene, and Andy did it when Jeff says "No f***ing way" in the last scene. I suppose it was only weird because I do that all the time when someone points at me. Anyway, I thought Lindsay did a wonderful job in the role of snotty agent, and Drew Carey's appearance as the spurned lover was funny - he usually shies away from anything of a homosexual nature. On the subject of Chip's top hat, if you know me you know I melt for two things and only two things: pinstripe suits and top hats (or fedoras) on men. I thought he really pulled that hat off well. Another very funny moment in tonight's episode was when Andy was kissing Jeff - the look on Jeff's face was priceless. I can't say enough good things about this episode. It wins all the points. Hurray again. On The Spot, if this was your last episode, I bid you a fond farewell. We'll miss you.


Back, I say

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