Please tell me this won't happen to us !!!!

An elderly lady called 911 on her cell phone
to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:
"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way.
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says.
"She got in the back-seat by mistake."

_______________________________________

FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells to the other sisters,
"Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back,
"I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses
"Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table
having tea listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you
as soon as I see who's at the door."

______________________________________


"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss,
were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I.  Let's have a beer."

_______________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of
activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to
meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one
looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me ..I know we've been friends
for a long time but I just can't think of your name!
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

_______________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,
when his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car
going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car.
It's hundreds of them!"

______________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car,
both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself
"I must be losing it. I could have sworn
we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another
intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure
that the light had been red but was really concerned
that she was losing it. She was getting nervous .

At the next intersection, sure enough, the
light was red and they went right on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row?
You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Am I driving?"

______________________________________



My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "who was that?"

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.



______________________________________

Midi playing is "Ain't She Sweet Rag"
An original composition by
Margi Harrell