For all you guys out there, and perhaps for some curious girls as well, here’s a little musing of mine on the subject of self-control for guys today:

Sexual self-control: Is it possible in today’s society?

YES! Not only is sexual self-control possible, it’s absolutely necessary for a chaste relationship. If we can’t control our sexual desires for those whom we feel strongly about, then we’re no more human than a dog is. Self-mastery with respect to sexuality is a difficult goal indeed, but without God’s help, and the indirect support of other people, it’s hardly possible at all.

To remain chaste in thought, there is no better alternative than turning to God. Some would argue that women are just asking for us to take advantage of them, with the way they dress; and most men tend to do so at least in their thoughts. We were created as sexual beings, and men especially are ‘wired’ to respond more to visual stimuli than any other; and today, we merely have to stroll down the street, or cruise the mall, to experience a veritable peepshow, thanks to the way women are pressured to dress. But why should we lust over something that we’ll probably never have, when instead we could thank God for creating such beauty, and go on with our day? Which do you think would please God more?

Accountability is vital for sexual self-mastery. If we aren’t held accountable to anyone else for our actions, then what’s to keep anyone from doing anything? Whether we realize it or not, we’re always accountable to our future spouse for our sexual actions. If you compromise your sexual sanctity by engaging in premarital sexual activity of any kind, then you’re unable to give the full gift of yourself to your spouse, in marriage. If you’ve already engaged in sexual activity, then there’s still hope, through secondary purity/secondary virginity; that’ll be covered more in-depth in another section of the site. If that’s not enough, then ask others to hold you accountable. Get one of your friends or your pastor to hold you accountable in your relationship. If you’ve promised someone else that you won’t do certain things, then you’re more likely to actually follow through and not do them than if you hadn’t promised anyone. Perhaps the best source for accountability though is your significant other. If you’ve already discussed with her how far you’re willing to go, and you’ve both made it clear that you’re looking for a chaste relationship, then at least one of you will be strong enough to resist temptation, most of the time.

What about the times when neither of you are strong enough? Well, that’s when another aspect of self-control comes into play. You must resist the temptation to spend too much time alone with your significant other; and a large part of the time you spend alone should be in public, or in the presence/vicinity of her or your parents or a sibling. It’s a lot easier to resist sexual temptation when there’s another person in the room, whom you’re immediately accountable to. As long as you spend very little time completely alone together, then the chances that you’ll do something that you’ll regret are greatly reduced.