No Sense is Nonsense
by Pita Patter

It was still a while before bedtime. Ray was watching television, as he usually did about this time of night. A commercial came on depicting several busty, wanton females meant to entice the viewer to call the number prominently displayed on the screen to engage them in "conversation". Taking in their voluptuous form, he felt a familiar stirring in his groin.

*Damn.* he thought. **Has it been so long, I'm starting to look at women again?**

His line of sight drifted, taking in the prone figure in the bedroom. His lover, Benton Fraser, was reading. Ray had forgotten the title of the book, but whatever it was about had the Mountie deep in it's pages. Vecchio furrowed his brow. It had been five weeks, at least. Five weeks since they'd slept together. They'd been as a couple for over a year now, but Ray was worried. They had been busy, with work and all, but the Italian still disliked it when Benny sometimes chose to stay late at work, rather than come home for a rare evening together.

Since they'd become lovers, Benny had been wonderfully supportive and helpful. But in the sex department he was becomingly increasingly distant. In the past, Vecchio had tried various techniques to get Fraser in the mood, but little seemed to work. Their lovemaking, when it did happen, was glorious. That did not, however, seem to make the Canadian likely to come back for more. Ray had realized it had been he who had done most of the initiating, while Benny just seemed to take it or leave it.

A slight tingle of guilt passed through the Italian. He shook it off. He just hated it when Benny would do something that would completely and totally irritate him and then have Benny apologize in his usual matter-of-fact way. Ray believed it was something Ben would hold against him, whether subconsciously or not. Since the Mountie would be upset with the Detective, no matter how right or wrong Ray might have been, it would definitely dampen any amorous tendencies Ben might have, which was rare as it was.

Ben was content to turn into himself, cocooning his emotions and problems, while Ray was loud about all he experienced. It upset the Italian that Ben wouldn't turn to him for physical intimacy as a way of relieving stress or just plain old hormones. He wanted Benny open up more to him, emotional or otherwise, which he plainly didn't. He was a Mountie, after all, and not subject to mere mortal weaknesses.

The Italian was alone at lot at night as well, seeing Fraser went to bed very early and awoke in the morning before Ray did. Tonight, it would not be long before the Canadian would announce it was after nine-thirty and way past his bedtime. Sometimes Ray got the feeling he should be living alone for all the difference it made Benny being in the next room.

He sighed. That wasn't entirely true, Ray confessed. Ben was used to being alone and had been for most of his life. Ray reminded himself the Mountie was just starting to get used to being in a long-term relationship. The reserved attitude of his upbringing didn't help matters. It instilled in the Canadian a deep-seated resistance to closeness, unless you nearly died together in the cold, of course One more glance at the luscious body in the next room and Ray decided to swallow his sardonic attitude, pride and sarcasm. This was, of course, seeing as how much he wanted to swallow something else.

**Time to start a fire ** Ray mused.

He stood, shutting off the television and making his way to the bedroom. He leaned against the door, watching his lover.

"Hey." he called.

"Hmm." was Ben's reply.

Ray came to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Good book?"

"Mmm, yes."

The Mountie's expression denoted total concentration on the paperback before him. Ray believed he knew just how to change that. He lightly rubbed his stomach through the fabric, then leaned over on top of him. He slowly hoisted the shirt up to expose the pale pink nipples and gently applied wet kisses between them. He could feel the rise and fall of the heavy torso under his mouth and was quite pleased when the book shifted to one hand, closing in the process. He smiled slightly, his lips brushing the fine hair at the crevice of the jeans. He looked up and they locked eyes.

Ray's heart fell to his feet.

Ben face did not lend itself much of an expression. It certainly didn't portray any sort of disgust or irritation. It obviously wasn't one of unbridled lust, either. It was simply neutral. The Moutnie was not at all involved in the experience. A cold shiver ran over the Italian when he thought of how neutral could equate with indifference.

Benny didn't want this, he could see that, but he'd go along with it if it was what Ray wanted. As usual. Suddenly, Ray wanted out of this and fast. He slapped on his best poker face and gave another quick kiss to the other man's stomach.

"So, how's the book turning out?" Ray quipped.

"It's very interesting, actually. I was just on the third chapter. I have a feeling it will slow down soon, once the characters are developed."

"That's good, Benny. I'm gonna go shower."

With that, the thinner man rose and exited the room, his mind raging. He was SICK of it. Sick and tired of chasing Benny, begging him and waiting all the time. It was degrading to always be the one wanting it. Oddly, it made him feel weak. To crave such a basic human instinct without reciprocation left him as if he were the one addicted to some drug.

He wasn't able to hide his need for his lover very well, always giving in when pressed about what was bothering him, eventually telling those passionless blue eyes of how much he wanted him - only to get nothing in return. Benny wouldn't even talk about it. He kept saying nothing was wrong, that his sex drive just wasn't as high as Ray's. Vecchio wanted to cry, he was so frustrated. He wanted to scream, he was so angry. But he would not, would not grovel for that man.

He had done that enough already.

He went into the bathroom and sighed. Looking in the mirror, he saw he could use a good shave and felt like a slob in his sport shirt and jeans. He smiled a bit when he thought of how Benny had told him that was "pure nonsense", saying that the Italian's appearance to him was always a pleasing sight.

*Now, if he would just do something to prove it.*

Since they had started their relationship, Ray had wanted to do a lot of experimenting in bed. Ben was the one to say he loved the Detective not long after the entire Victoria fiasco. It took a while, but the Italian began to realize he was in love with Benny as well. Ever since then, Ray was giddy with all the new sexual possibilities. Fraser was patient and understanding, indulging most of his requests with little protest, however infrequent.

Guilty, he remembered just how much his Mountie did do for him. He went out of his way often to please Ray and thought about him a lot. Even when he did upset the Italian, he would try to make things right. Fraser did consider the Detective to be his partner, best friend and soulmate. Benny did did love him. Things that were important to Ray were important to Fraser. Theirs was definitely a wonderful relationship. They connected on so many levels except this one. Benny almost always treated him well.

Did Ray even have a right asking for sex like this? If the Constable didn't want it that often, it wasn't his fault. But where was the mutual passion? Ben hardly ever made a carnal solicitation and seemed content with whatever Ray wanted. This lack of desire didn't exactly make Ray swell with pride. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy Fraser like a fly buzzing in his ear.

**I knew he wasn't aggressive, but this is ridiculous.** he thought.

The face in the mirror looked back at him. Something Elaine once said to him now came rushing back, the words having a profound effect: *It's hard to feel anything but less than perfect around him, isn't it? Hell, that Canadian would make any other man feel downright ugly.*

The statement stung. Ugly. No, he didn't see himself as that...did he?

Doubt, however, was plaguing him. It was as if they were still only very good friends. He sadly laughed seeing how scared he was of losing Ben's friendship when they first got together. That form of companionship was the only thing they still had an abundance of. What did Benny truly see in him? Had he just settled for Ray, seeing Meg was his superior and Victoria was a psycho-bitch? No, that wasn't it. Whatever the case, Ray did begin to feel the things Benny did for him sexually were just to placate him. If Ben never asked for anything, then how did Ray know what Ben enjoyed?

Sure, their libidinous escapades were exciting and fun when they did happen, but what if Ben wanted something or someone else and was reluctant to say so? He ran his hand over his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

Ray had beaten Thatcher as a rival. Did Ben still want her? It was possible. He sarcastically considered maybe it was the fact she was so unobtainable that made her an attractive pursuit. Was that why Ben liked needlessly working late? The last time he came to pick Benny up, Meg was smiling. One hellava' megawatt smile, at that. She seemed happy. Ray joked he almost didn't recognize her. Then again, Benny was smiling, too. It made him infuriatingly jealous, however unfounded it was. It was also a fact Fraser ran like spooked caribou when a potential suitor was aggressive. Frannie was proof of that. But if the Detective became any more passive in his waiting, he would be declared dead - and this time for real! His shoulders drooped.

**Meg is beautiful. Hell, I would want her, too, if she weren't so fucking cold and confused. I couldn't blame him if he'd want her instead of--**

He stopped, surprised at his self-pity. He shook his head. He would not pine. Ray Vecchio did not pine. He brooded. It was mostly an angry pout, he conceded. Still, the gaunt cheeks, non-existent hairline and huge nose looked so very unappealing at the moment.

END