Attack of the Caffeinated Canadian
by Shannon McKinnon

“Ray, let’s take a walk.”

“Not right now, Benny. I’m reading this article.”

It was late Sunday afternoon, and Benny and Ray were relaxing on the sofa in the Vecchio living room, stuffed full of food after another one of Rosa’s famous home-cooked meals.

Benny grabbed the magazine out of Ray’s hands. “You can read that article later, Ray. The Chicago Cubs and their travails will be waiting for you, believe me.”

Ray looked at Benny in surprise. “Did you just dis my Cubs?” He took the magazine back. “And you took that magazine away with asking first! Very impolite, Fraser.”

“Well, I apologize. I was merely trying to get your attention. The point I was trying to make is that you can read later. This is an ideal time to take an after-dinner walk and burn off some of the calories we just consumed; as well as get some fresh air.”

Ray just snorted and opened the magazine back to the page he had been reading.

“Ray…”

Ray continued to read.

“Don’t ignore me, Ray.”

Ray put down the magazine and looked over at Ben. “What is wrong with you? You’ve never objected to reading before. Why are you so antsy?”

“I’m not ‘antsy’, as you so quaintly put it. I just feel that would should get a little exercise this evening.”

“I know what it is,” Ray said, ignoring Fraser’s last statement altogether. “It was that damn chocolate mousse Ma served for dessert. Chocolate is loaded with caffeine. You’re not used to it. No wonder you’re so wired up.”

“Your language is certainly colorful today, Ray.”

Ray laughed and resumed his reading.

Ben sighed and shifted restlessly on the sofa. “Ray.” There was no answer. “Ray!”

Ray turned the page of the magazine nosily, but other than that he did not respond.

“Don’t ignore me, Ray.”

Ray hid his grin behind the magazine.

Benny tried to knock the magazine from Ray’s hands again, but Ray now had a very firm grip on it.

There was a muttered noise of frustration and disgust from Benny, and Ray nearly laughed out loud. He suddenly gasped and flinched, though, as he felt a sharp pain on the outside of his right ear.

“Benny,” he sputtered, looking at his lover in complete disbelief. “Did you just flick my ear?”

“Yes Ray, I did.”

“Why?”

“It seemed to be the only way I was going to get your attention.”

“Well, don’t do that! How in the hell did you even learn that anyway?”

“I was watching your nephews earlier.” Ben grinned, seeming not to repent his action at all.

“You’re supposed to be a grown man,” Ray muttered, returning to his magazine.

“Ray...” Ben said in that same restless, wheedling voice.

“God Benny, go run around the block or something until the caffeine wears off.”

“Ray...”

There was an undercurrent to Ben’s voice now, and Ray was instantly on alert. “I am warning you, Benny, if you...” He broke off as Ben flicked his left ear.

Ray’s “Sports Illustrated” was quickly thrown to the coffee table and forgotten. “Benton Fraser, I swear I’m going to-”

“Going to what?” Ben asked with a decidedly evil grin. He raised his hand again, fingers primed and ready, his hand hovering in front of Ray’s face.

Ray gave him the Vecchio glare that would have warned off any sane person. “Benny, don’t you even think about-” He broke off as Benny flicked him on the end of his nose.

With a loud, wordless roar, Ray grabbed Ben and tackled him to the floor. Ben fought back happily, and the two men rolled around the living room, grappling and wrestling.

Their grunts and muttered promises of victory and retaliation were mixed with laughter on the part of both men.

“Boys!” Benny and Ray froze, then looked over to see a very annoyed-looking Rosa standing in the doorway.

“Stop that roughhousing this instant! You’re going to break something! For goodness sakes, you’re both grown men- and police officers! I expect you to act like civilized human beings. Now sit down on the sofa and behave yourselves!”

“Yes ma’am,” two subdued voices replied in unison.

Rosa left, muttering in Italian, and Ray and Ben returned to the sofa. Ray began reading his magazine again, and Benny picked up a book on traveling on a budget and began leafing through it.

“Ray?”

Ray looked up to see Benny smiling happily at him. “Yes, Benny?”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you?” Ray said in surprise. “Thank you for what?”

“Nobody has ever told me to behave myself before.”