notes/disclaimers
He had to find Ray. He had to get to him and save
him. He never should have let him get in the trunk of
that car. It had been a stupid, dangerous idea. Why
had he agreed to it?
He swam through the dark, murky water, looking
frantically for the car. It should be there. It
should be there, right in front of him. Why couldn’t
he find it?
His lungs burning, he was forced to go to the surface,
where he gasped in a lungful of air before diving back
into the water. Swimming towards the bottom once
again, he looked for the car. Why couldn’t he find
it? Where was it? Where was Ray?
He had to find him. Ray was counting on him. He
couldn’t let him down. He continued swimming
frantically through the water, looking for the car,
looking for Ray, ignoring the desperate burning in his
own lungs.
Finally he was forced once again to swim for the
surface. He didn’t quite make it in time, and he
inhaled water and broke the surface gasping and
coughing and panting.
Why couldn’t he find him? Ray was counting on him.
Ray needed him, and he was letting him down. He
needed to make another dive, but he couldn’t catch his
breath. He couldn’t breathe. Ray. Ray...
“Benny? Benny!”
With a strangled gasp, Ben sat up and looked around
him, panicked. He was in bed. He was in his bed, and
he was safe and dry and warm. And so was Ray. Ray
was there next to him. Safe, alive. He had a firm
hold of Ben’s shoulders, and he was looking into his
face, and he looked scared.
“Benny?”
“Ray?”
He was still gasping for breath, and he was shaking.
He was pulled into an embrace, his head resting on
Ray’s shoulder, Ray’s arms wrapped tightly around him
as he rocked him gently.
“It’s okay, Benny,” Ray whispered. “It’s all right.
You were having a nightmare. It’s over now. You’re
okay, baby. You’re safe. I’ve got you Benny, you’re
okay.”
Gradually his heartbeat and breathing returned to
normal and his shaking lessened and stopped; and he
slowly let go of his terror as Ray’s words and his
caresses comforted him.
Ray started to pull away, and Benny made a quiet noise
of protest, tightening his arms around him. Ray
pulled Benny close again, and ran a soothing hand over
his back.
“That sounded like a really bad dream, Benny. What
was it?”
Ben drew a shaky breath. “I... you...” He broke off,
and started shaking again.
“It’s all right Benny. I’m here. I’ve got you, and
you’re safe now. It was only a nightmare.”
“A horrible nightmare,” Ben said, his voice shaking.
“I dreamt...”
“What, love?” Ray whispered.
“We were working the stolen car case, and you were in
the trunk of that car, in the water. I was trying to
find you, to save you, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t
find you, I couldn’t find the car. I tried and tried,
but-” His voice broke and he couldn’t continue.
Ray was rocking him again, and he placed a kiss on the
top of Ben’s head. “No baby. It was just a dream.
I’m here. I’m right here.”
Ben pulled away and looked at him, his eyes still huge
and scared. “I couldn’t save you.”
“You did save me, Benny. You did.” He brushed a hand
through Benny’s tousled hair and gave him a kiss.
“You saved me from drowning, Benny. Again.”
Ben looked at him in confusion. “Again?”
“Yes Benny. Again.”
Ben shook his head. “No, Ray, that was the only time-”
Ray gave Ben a sweet, sad smile. “No Benny. You
saved me before, and that time was probably more
important.”
Ben was still looking at him in confusion. “I don’t
understand, Ray.”
“It was when you first met me, Benny. My life was
going straight to hell. I was burned out on my job,
my marriage had ended, nothing else was happening on
the romance front, my family was bugging me. I felt
like I didn’t have anything anymore. Nothing that
mattered, nothing to hold on to. I was drowning.
Then I met you.”
Ben gave him a look of wide-eyed surprise.
Ray smiled at him. “Don’t give me that look, it’s
true. I met this idealistic Mountie, who still
believed in justice, had faith in people, and saw the
good in everyone. You even saw the good in me, for
some reason.”
“Ray, you are good.”
“You see? You didn’t see who everybody else saw- who
I saw- you saw a man who might actually be worth
something. You even saw my worst side, and you kept
believing in me anyway.
“And after a while, I actually started to believe in
that person, too. I wanted to live up to the image
you had of me, Benny.”
Ben shook his head. “You always were that person,
Ray. You were just afraid to let him show, that’s
all.”
“Oh Benny, that’s not-”
Ben cut off his protest with a kiss. “Don’t argue
with me, Ray. It’s the truth. Besides, don’t you
know? You did the exact same thing for me.”
“Benny, you don’t have to say that.”
Ben looked at him, a mixture of amusement and sadness
on his face. “I am not just saying it. It’s the
truth. When I met you, I was at the lowest point of
my life.
“My only remaining family member had been killed, I
was trying to find the person responsible, but being
thwarted at every turn... and then when I did find out
who did it-” Ben broke off and was silent for a
minute.
“The sense of betrayal I felt when I found out that
Gerard had murdered Dad- I didn’t know how to deal
with it. He was supposed to be Dad’s friend. He was
supposed to be my friend.
“And then when I arrested him and attempted to bring
him to justice, I was scorned by the rest of the
RCMP. They treated me as if I were the criminal. I
came back to Chicago, and I had never felt more
completely alone in my life.”
“Oh, Benny,” Ray whispered, running a hand over Ben’s
face.
“But I wasn’t, Ray. You took me in, became my friend,
shared your family with me, accepted me. You thought
I was crazy sometimes, and I know I drove you up the
wall, but you never tried to change me, never treated
me with contempt; as others did.
“And even after I had betrayed you, after I treated
you more horribly than I had ever treated anyone in my
life, you still were my friend. You forgave me and
stood by me. And somehow you even trusted me again.”
“Benny, no, don’t...”
“So as much as you think I may have saved you, Ray,
you saved me even more. You saved me from loneliness,
and you saved me from myself. And there is no way I
can ever repay you for that.”
“Benny,” Ray said, suddenly having a hard time with
his voice, “you don’t need to repay me. I’m not
keeping score.”
Benny looked at him wordlessly, then leaned in for a
kiss.
Ray closed his eyes and placed a hand on the back of
Benny’s head, pulling him even closer. Benny
responded eagerly, slipping his tongue between Ray’s
lips and thoroughly exploring his lover’s mouth.
Ray gently pushed Benny back onto the bed and laid
down on top of him. After thoroughly kissing Benny,
Ray pulled away slightly and smiled down into his
face.
Benny smiled up at him and ran a finger slowly down
Ray’s face; and Ray bent down over Ben’s chest and
covered it with a series of light kisses.
As Ray continued his attentions to Benny’s chest, Ben
slid his hands over Ray’s back and inside the elastic
waistband of his sweatpants. He pushed the sweatpants
down as far as he could, and Ray helped him out by
kicking them the rest of the way off.
Ray then lay gently down on top of Benny, covering his
lips with a kiss. Benny eagerly returned the kiss,
moving his hands down to Ray’s buttocks, pulling him
as close as possible.
Ray slid his hands down Ben’s sides to his waist, and
he clumsily pushed the boxer shorts over Benny’s hips
and down his legs. Ben kicked the boxers off as best
he could; a task made more difficult by the fact that
Ray was still lying on top of him. The boxer shorts
wound up tangled around Ben’s left ankle, but he
barely even noticed.
He lifted his hips and gasped as his cock came into
contact with Ray’s. His hands tightened on Ray’s
buttocks, grabbing them, and he moaned softly as Ray
began thrusting against him, rubbing their cocks
together.
Ben lifted his hips to meet each of Ray’s thrusts, and
he moaned more loudly as Ray began sliding up and down
Ben’s body, creating a delicious friction between
them. Above him, Ray was also gasping and moaning
quietly, and this added to Benny’s pleasure.
Ben slowly ran his hands from Ray’s ass up his back
then back down, and wrapped his arms around Ray’s
waist, clinging to him as wave after wave of pleasure
and emotion washed over him.
Ray cried out sharply, and Benny felt the hotness of
his lover’s seed spatter across his chest and stomach.
He gasped loudly and continued thrusting against Ray.
Above him, Ray was still gasping. “Come, Benny. Come
for me.”
Ben wanted to, he needed to, but he couldn’t. He
started moving more urgently against his lover.
“Ray... sorry...”
Suddenly, Ray’s hand had his cock in a firm grip, and
was pumping it fiercely. With a loud cry, Benny came,
then collapsed against the pillows. He was shaking
almost as badly as he had been right after his
nightmare.
Ray was draped limply over him, still breathing
unsteadily, and Ben wrapped his arms around him,
holding him close. He lay with his eyes closed,
drifting for a while, then he felt a series of kisses
play lightly over his face.
He opened his eyes and smiled into those beautiful
green eyes so close to his, and placed a gentle kiss
against Ray’s lips. “Ray,” he whispered.
Ray settled back against him, his head nestled on
Ben’s shoulder, and they lay quietly for a few
minutes. Eventually, Ray stirred and started to get
out of the bed.
“Where are you going?” Benny asked, suddenly fully
alert.
“I’m going to get us a washcloth.”
“No, don’t.” Ben grabbed Ray and pulled, and Ray
collapsed against the mattress again.
“Benny, I’m just going to the bathroom. I’ll be right
back.”
“I don’t want you to go anywhere.” He tightened his
arms around Ray’s waist, and threw his leg over Ray’s
for good measure.
Ben was laughing, but at the same time, he meant what
he said. His nightmare was still too close for
comfort, and he didn’t want Ray to go even as far as
the bathroom. He wanted him here, in the bed next to
him, where he could feel him and know he was all
right.
“Benny,” Ray sighed, “we need to get cleaned up.”
“We can take a shower in the morning.”
There was a pause, then Ray sighed again, and relaxed
against Benny; and was rewarded with a kiss on the
back of his neck. “Can we shower together?” Ray
asked, a teasing tone in his voice.
“Of course.”
“Will you make me breakfast afterward?”
“If you want me to.”
“Scrambled eggs?”
“As you wish.” Benny ran his tongue over the outline
of Ray’s ear.
“And bacon?”
“Yes, love.”
“Nice and crispy, the way I like it?”
“It will be just this side of burnt.”
“Hmmm. What about coffee?”
“I’ll brew a fresh pot for you first thing after we
wake up.”
Ray rolled over so he was lying face to face with
Benny. “You’re going to say yes to anything I ask
right now, aren’t you?” He was grinning.
“Probably.” Ben felt an answering grin on his own
face.
Ray looked at him for a few seconds. “Benny, would
you kiss me?”
“Absolutely,” Ben answered.
And he did.
THE END