notes/disclaimers
Ray Vecchio hummed along with radio as he steered the
car through the streets of Chicago. He was in such
a good mood that he didn’t even mind driving a
late-model tin box of a car. He would get his Riv
back soon enough.
He was home now. His assignment with the federal
government was over, and he was ready to re-claim his
life. His car, his home, his family, his job, and
most of all, his lover.
He was heading to the Canadian Consulate right now, to
pick up Benny and start the process of becoming Ray
Vecchio again.
He knew that he should have gone to the station house
first, to officially check in with Lt. Welsh; and when
Ma found out that he hadn’t gone home first thing she
would probably skin him alive, but he didn’t care. He
needed Benny. He needed him now.
He had needed him every day for the past six months,
actually. Six long, dark, terrifying months of
ugliness and danger; with no Benny to turn to. Not
once during his assignment had Ray heard an insane and
completely illogical idea for getting out of a sticky
situation. Not once had he heard an Inuit story. How
had he survived?
Ray grinned, but the grin quickly faded as he thought
about his lover. He had made a mistake taking the
assignment, he knew that now. He had known it at the
time, but he had taken the undercover assignment
anyway.
He had told himself it was the right thing- the only
thing- to do. The federal government had need helphis
help- and without him, some very bad men would be
free to continue their criminal activities, and some
very bad deeds would have gone unpunished. He had
heard a voice whispering in his head that it was his
duty- and the voice had been Benny’s.
Benny... Ray knew that on one level, his lover would
understand why he had taken the assignment. He would
have expected and accepted nothing less from Ray, and
he would understand why he had taken the assignment
and gone so far away.
But on another level, Ray knew that Benny had to be
feeling abandoned- left alone again by someone who had
told him that they loved him. Ray had left him all
alone in a city that was still a little bit strange
and overwhelming to him, even after nearly two years
of living there. And worst of all, he hadn’t said
goodbye before he left.
Ray could only imagine what that had done to his
lover. He knew that Benny would forgive him- that
Benny already had forgiven him- but he hoped and
prayed with all his heart that Benny would be able to
trust him again.
He would have to make sure that Benny did trust him
again. He would devote the rest of his life to it, if
necessary. He knew now what mattered most to him, and
it sure as hell wasn’t his job, or the glory that came
from completing a big important police operation.
What mattered most was love. Particularly love
involving Benny. He would be perfectly happy to
spend the rest of his days living a quiet, anonymous
life as a Chicago Detective, with Benny by his side.
He was looking forward to convincing Benny of this
truth, to showing him every day- and every night- that
he was there to stay, and was never, ever going to
leave his side again.
Ray parked the car by the sidewalk outside the
Consulate and walked into the building, a decided
spring in his step. As he entered the lobby, a smile
spread across his face.
Hanging on the wall was a picture of his lover. Ray
grinned proudly. He wondered what Benny had done to
earn having his portrait hung on the wall of the
Consulate. Just what exactly had his lover been up to
while he was away?
Ray read the inscription on the bottom of the
portrait, and stared at it for a moment, waiting for
the words to make sense. He squeezed his eyes shut
and rubbed them; but when he looked again, the
inscription still said the same thing: “In Memoriam:
Constable Benton Fraser, Killed in the Line of Duty,
1997.”
Ray felt his heart stop in his chest, felt himself
stop breathing. No. That was wrong. It had to be.
Oh God, what had he been thinking, going off like that
and leaving Benny behind?
Benny never carried a weapon, and he was always
rushing into dangerous situations, trying to help
people, most of whom were scum who didn’t deserve or
appreciate his help in the first place.
He never should have left. His reasons for leaving
had all been bullshit. It hadn’t been about duty, or
helping the government, or making Benny proud of him.
He had been afraid. Afraid of loving Benny. Of what
that love would do to him, do to his family and his
career; his life.
But he knew now. He finally realized that the thing
that mattered most, the only thing that really
mattered in his life, was Benny. It was time for his
second chance, for him to prove that love to Benny,
and receive Benny’s love in return. It was time for
him and Benny to finally find happiness.
He reached out and gently touched the portrait,
looking up at Benny smiling down at him, wearing that
damnable red serge. “I’m sorry Benny. Oh God I’m
sorry. Please forgive me. Sorry, so sorry, so
sorry...”
Ray’s legs gave way beneath him suddenly, and he
collapsed to the ground. The reality of the
situation came crashing down upon him, and his voice
raised in a scream that seemed to shake the very walls
of the Consulate. “BENNY!”
In an opulent bedroom suite in a penthouse in Las
Vegas, a man sat up in bed with a loud gasp, the satin
bed sheets tangled around his waist. Leaning back
against the headboard, Armando Langostini buried his
face in shaking hands.
THE END