notes/disclaimers
Alienated Affection #6: It's complicated
by Silvina
She was my first love. Sometimes I fear she was my only love. At
first I thought we ended because she was unattainable. Me and Frankie
Zuko's sister. Hah. But she remains the biggest love of my life, and
after only a few minutes together I was right back in love with her.
Perhaps it was so easy to get caught up in it all because I'd never
really fallen out of love with her. We'd just been pulled apart by
circumstances.
Now those circumstances include death and somehow I don't think we
can recover from that. Or at least I can't. Irene is dead and what do
I have to show for it? Louis is dead, and I almost ruined my
friendship with Fraser because he helped an innocent man out of jail.
Or was it because he dared use the word innocent about Zuko around
me. Am I punishing Fraser for my cowardice? How do I find out?
Where does it start? The restaurant? That's almost the end of the
story. Perhaps I should start about the only place I'm sure about.
The cemetery where her funeral was just held. As her final wish Irene
wanted us to stop fighting and we only just managed to do it for her
funeral, and then only by both of us pretending the other wasn't
there. We buried her in the Zuko family plot, in the same cemetery
where my father was buried. In fact Father Dailey was also there when
we buried good old Carmine.
So much of my life is for others. I'm a cop. I save people, make sure
the bad guys get caught, or at least try to catch them, but I
couldn't save Irene. Couldn't save Louis either. I can remember
walking into that restaurant. I wasn't expecting any trouble, it's
not like I have Zuko's birthday memorized or anything. I just wanted
to celebrate my raise-- I swear I didn't even know Irene was back. In
hindsight there's very little that I would change. I wouldn't be able
to save Louis, that was beyond my control. But what if I hadn't been
so blinded by anger at Zuko? What if I had listened to Fraser when he
said that this wasn't Zuko.
If I had listened I wouldn't have berated him in front of the entire
precinct. I wouldn't have been half-blind with anger when we were
listening to the house. I might have acted differently when we went
inside. Irene might be alive.
I'm supposed to go see the shrink tomorrow before I can go back to
regular duty. What do I tell her? I'm too tired to be angry anymore.
End