Narrator
-When last we left our Terrific Trio, they found themselves captives of the evil environmentalist, Poison Ivy, who had left them immobilized while lethal plants in the room destroyed all non-oxygen elements in the air. The inevitable result in a room filled with combustible material – a flash fire that will consume all three of them in a most inglorious inferno!
(Cut to individual close-up shots of all three)
-Is there time enough for them to break free of this deathtrap before it’s too late? Stay tuned, and learn the answer in just one minute!
(Spinning scene signals start of opening credits)
(Opening Credits Animated Sequence)
Starring Adam West
Burt Ward
Co-Starring
Alan Napier
Neil Hamilton
Stafford Repp
and Yvonne Craig as “Batgirl”
Batman
-The environment’s becoming one of pure oxygen! (Clenches teeth) When it becomes pure oxygen, it won’t be . . . much longer.
Robin (The vines holding Robin are thicker than the others)
-What should we do, Batman? Concentrate on getting free of our bonds? or could we use the fire to free us?
Batman (shakes head)
-Not a good idea, Robin. When the fire breaks out, it will spread too fast for us to harness it to our advantage. We must use the approach of getting free of these . . . infernal vines!
Batgirl
-But how?
Batman
-If only . . . there was a way to cut through them. Even if we had the means, though, we couldn’t burn through them, because that might trigger the flash fire.
Robin
-But we don’t have anything to cut with! The only thing sharp any of us have access to is our teeth!
(Tight close-up of Batman, as an idea suddenly dawns on him)
Batman
-You may have stumbled onto something, Robin! Let me see if . . . (we see him wiggle violently so the vines across his upper chest are now closer to his neck. He cranes his head forward as far as he can and begins to chew at the vine binding him)
Batgirl (bewildered)
-Batman, you’re not thinking of eating your way through these?
Batman (through clenched teeth)
-Yes, I am! That’s the key! These vines are leftover samples of Shandra’s Instant Jungle, that Poison Ivy appropriated for a previous scheme. Not the poisonous variant, but the original version!
Robin
-Holy Flashback! And Shandra’s Instant Jungle was designed to be edible! Unhealthy in large quantities, but still edible!
Batgirl
-I hope we have enough time!
Batman
-Speed is of the essence! No more talking, just chew – and eat if you must!
(Close shots of each of the three of them squirming about and managing to maneuver their heads so they can start biting into the vines binding them. This alternate cutting goes on for thirty seconds to a minute)
(Batman is first to chew through the vines across his upper body. Once free, with his utility belt still entangled, he gets to a sitting position and is able to start attacking the vines about his ankles. He glances over and sees Batgirl free of her upper bonds, moving just ahead of Robin’s pace.
Batgirl hikes her bound legs up under her chin, which enables her to more easily bite down on the vine and chew it vigorously, until it finally breaks loose. She yanks the vines from around her waist and gets to her feet while Batman, too, breaks free and lands on the floor. They then notice Robin is still struggling)
Batman
-It won’t be much longer! The air is distinctly pure oxygen now!
Batgirl
-We need to help!
(They rush over to Robin and slash at the vines still immobilizing him with knives from their utility belts. In an instant, Robin breaks free and the Terrific Trio race to the door from the solarium. Batman tries it, but it is locked!)
Batman
-The Batlock pick!
(He takes it out of his utility belt and hurriedly uses it on the door. As he continues to work, we see a close-up of the lethal plants. Suddenly, there is a brilliant flash just as Batman pulls the door open)
(Close-shot of flames erupting and starting to shoot across the room. Batman pushes Robin and Batgirl through, then jumps out. The door is slammed shut from behind the instant the wall of fire crashes into it)
(Cut to the three caped crimefighters outside in the corridor, all trying to catch their breath)
Robin
-Holy Nick-of-Time! That was close!
Batman
-Yes. (Struggles to take a breath). Soon, that fire will crash through the door and consume this hideout. Robin, Batgirl, get to the Batmobile and phone the local fire department. I’ll take a minute to see if there’s any clue Poison Ivy left behind that will tell us something about the evil plot she wouldn’t reveal to us.
Batgirl
-Right, Batman!
(As soon as they dash out and Batman is alone, he takes a moment to say something aloud that he can never say publicly)
Batman
-Thank you, Shandra, wherever you are!
(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)
(Establishing scene of Gotham Gardens)
Narrator
-Meanwhile, in Gotham City, it is early morning . . . and Poison Ivy is putting her plan into effect!
(We see Ivy in sunglasses and trenchcoat, standing in front of Betsy, Veronica and Nancy, who are similarly attired)
Poison Ivy
-Okay, Debutantes! We’re ready to go into action. It’s 7:40 and that means the crates with the shipments for the Five Seasons, McDaniels and Tavern on the Red are waiting at area number two. Nancy, that’s where you’ll provide the distraction. Then, Betsy will provide the distraction at area number three for the Tyler Stadium shipments, and finally Veronica will do area number four for the Big Union supermarkets. Remember, three minutes between each one, to give me time to get to the different areas.
Nancy
-How will we know when you’re done and we can clear out?
Poison Ivy (smirks)
-Just trust me. (She pats the pocket of her trenchcoat) I’ll only need a minute to slip what I have here inside the crates. It will turn every salad in Gotham City into something very unhealthy. (She looks over at the loading area, where a number of workers who man the loading platforms are going about their routine). All right, let’s go!
(Cut to shot of the loading platform workers, most of whom are middle-aged men in fairly dirty work clothes and unshaven. In between their moving crates into position for when the trucks will arrive, they chat with each other on a number of topics)
Worker #1 (lowering a crate of lettuce on to a stack)
-Hey, catch the Eagles game last night? I tell ya’, the ump robbed us!
Worker #2 (holding a crate marked ‘TOMATOES’)
-Never mind the ump, the team is just crummy! That cheapskate owner Tyler doesn’t know how to sign good players!
Worker #3
-You’re wasting time following the Eagles! The Goliaths are the team to watch! That shortstop, Eric Meader-----
(All of a sudden, the conversation amongst the workers comes to a stop as Nancy slowly walks past them. They stop to look at the striking beauty. Nancy looks back at them and slowly lowers her sunglasses, a winsome smile lining her face. Then, she stops in front of them, just ten feet away, and undoes the belt of her trenchcoat, revealing that she is wearing only a green Brazilian bikini underneath)
Worker #1 (mouth hanging open)
-Oh my gosh.
Worker #2 (knees buckling)
-Ai, yi, yi!
(Worker #3 lets out a slow wolf whistle)
(As they watch, transfixed by the beautiful blonde, Ivy has managed to slip in unnoticed behind them. She goes up to the stacks of crates, marked ‘LETTUCE’, ‘TOMATOES’, and ‘CARROTS.’ She takes a prescription bottle out of her coat, and one by one she flicks a pill-like object through the opening of each crate, until the bottle is empty. She looks back at Nancy, who nods her head faintly. Nancy closes her trenchcoat over her body, and then drops a business card to the ground as she walks away. Immediately, the three workers scramble and fight for it)
Worker #2
-It’s mine, I tell ya, mine!
Worker #3
-She was looking at me!
(As they keep scrambling, Ivy has been able to slip back out unnoticed and walks in the opposite direction from where Nancy moved off)
(A close-up of Ivy shows her smiling wickedly)
Poison Ivy
-God, how I LOVE to manipulate the weakness of the male libido! Their greatest weakness becomes the instrument of my triumph!
(Spinning Bat symbol to denote quick passage of time)
(We see Betsy move in front of loading area number three, repeating the same process Nancy did, driving three more loading dock workers to distraction. Once again, Ivy empties another bottle of pill-like objects into a large stack of crates)
(Spinning Bat symbol to denote quick passage of time)
(Now it is Veronica who repeats the process in front of loading area four. Yet again, Ivy has the opportunity to empty her instruments of contamination into the crates of vegetables)
(As the workers at loading area number four fight over the business card the raven-haired beauty dropped – which is just a card for the Gotham-A-Go-Go club – we see Ivy move out and then rendezvous around the corner with her three henchwomen)
Poison Ivy
-Well done, Debutantes! Now, we head for our local hideout at the Gotham Hilton to get set for the next phase!
Nancy
-What does come next, Ivy?
Poison Ivy (smirks)
-What else? I make sure we’ve succeeded! (She checks her watch) They should be serving these lovely pieces of fresh produce at the Five Seasons at about noon. I think I'll do lunch. (She laughs uproariously)
(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)
(Scene of Batgirl riding on Batgirlcycle on the Thruway, followed by shot of Batmobile not far behind)
Narrator
-Meanwhile, our Caped Crusaders, having notified the local fire department, now find themselves on the road back to Gotham City.
(Close shot of Batman and Robin in Batmobile)
Robin
-The Commissioner said he’d put out a full dragnet for Poison Ivy and the Ivy League Gang . . . but, gee Batman, since Ivy wouldn’t tell us what her scheme is, how can we figure out where to find her?
Batman
-Even more important, old chum, is trying to figure out how to stop her terrible scheme before it gets implemented, when we don’t even know what her plan is! It was so diabolically clever of her to hedge her bets and not reveal any of her plot to us before she left us to our near-calamitous fates.
Robin
-I guess the only clue we really have at this point is she’s back in full-greed mode. Whatever she’s going to do isn’t tied to eco-terrorism.
Batman
-Perhaps, Robin. It could be she was just putting on an act, to make us think she is only on a self-interest kick. Given how cunning she is, I’m prepared to assume any possible twist in her behavioral pattern. She is . . . unquestionably becoming one of our most formidable opponents of the feminine persuasion.
(The portable Batphone rings)
-Activate the Batmobile Batphone speaker and microphone!
(Robin activates the hands-free device)
-Yes, Commissioner?
(Alternating close-ups with Commissioner Gordon in office)
Commissioner Gordon
-Batman, we may have our first lead on Poison Ivy’s scheme.
Batman
-Please continue.
Commissioner Gordon
-Mister Birdsear of Gotham Gardens phoned us and it seems their accounts manager, a Mister Adam Quirk, was found in a room at the Gotham Plaza Hotel in a total catatonic state. It was as if he’d been put under by some kind of . . . powerful aphrodisiac.
Batman
-Characteristic of the properties one would find in Poison Ivy’s lipstick!
Commissioner Gordon
-Yes, Batman, and further confirmation is that the hotel room was registered to a Miss Pamela Isley. She checked out yesterday.
Batman
-The audacity of the woman! She capitalizes on the fact the broad populace of Gotham City isn’t familiar with her real name and keeps on using it when it suits her. (Pauses) If she enticed Mister Quirk of Gotham Gardens . . . then her scheme must involve some kind of sabotage of the facility!
Commissioner Gordon
-I have additional units in place around Gotham Gardens, Batman. If anything happens, we’ll be ready!
Batman
-Let’s hope and pray we’re not too late!
(At a nod from Batman, Robin switches off the hands-free cellphone. Batman then accelerates the Batmobile so he can pull up alongside the Batgirlcycle. He signals to Batgirl, who looks at him. He waves his arm, indicating she should follow him. She nods in understanding and lets the Batmobile pass)
(Spinning Bat symbol to denote scene change)
Narrator
-Meanwhile, it’s time for lunch to be served at the elegant Five Seasons restaurant!
(We see a tuxedo-clad maître d' seating customers. Then, through the oak doors, we see Poison Ivy enter. She has purposefully dressed herself in a slightly gauche manner, suggestive of a Gotham City streetwalker who caters to elegant clients)
(The maître d' takes note of her with a slight edge of disgust as he comes up to her)
Maître d'
-May I help you?
Poison Ivy (smiling)
-Yes. I have a reservation for now. The name is Isley.
(He tries not to make a face at the thought of her being a legitimate customer)
Maître d'
-Oh . . . yes. Yes, you do have a reservation. Come with me.
(He leads her to a table and Ivy seats herself)
(A waiter comes up, not knowing whether to be admiring of her beauty or appalled by her lack of fashion sense)
Waiter -May I suggest a glass of house wine to start?
Poison Ivy (smiling)
-Yes, thank you. Incidentally, are your salads made with only the freshest of vegetables?
Waiter (haughtily)
-Madam, the Five Seasons prides itself on getting our vegetables direct from Gotham Gardens every morning.
Poison Ivy (still smiling)
-Thank you.
(The waiter moves off and Ivy slowly looks around, noticing how various customers at the tables have salads. She then nonchalantly picks up a menu, but keeps peering from time to time over the top of it)
(The waiter brings her wine. She unobtrusively sips at it, as she continues to look around the dining room)
Poison Ivy (whispering under her breath)
-Come on. It should have been in this shipment to here.
(Her gaze focuses on a table where a middle-aged man in a business suit is eating a salad. Suddenly, he seems to droop forward and clutches his throat)
Man
-Oh my God, what’s in that stuff??? I----
(He gets up, staggers slightly, and then collapses over the table. The others at his party look over with concern, while the maître d' and other staff rush over)
Maître d'
-Get a doctor!
(Out of the corner of her eye, Ivy notices a female customer, who has also been eating salad, suddenly scratch violently at her throat. Amidst the commotion, Ivy’s waiter comes back, trying to carry on)
Waiter
-Are you ready to order, Miss?
Poison Ivy
-Give me a medium steak – with positively *no* vegetables on the side.
(She hands back her menu and as the waiter moves off, she watches the scenes of commotion with enormous satisfaction)
Act Two
(Establishing scene of the Batmobile and Batgirlcycle parked in front of Gotham Gardens, which is also surrounded by a number of squad cars)
Chief O’Hara
Batman, we’ve got the place locked up tighter than a drum! No one could possibly get inside.
Batman
-Your men are quite efficient, Chief O’Hara, but we could be dealing with a situation where it’s too late already. Perhaps Poison Ivy already has put her plan into effect and won’t be coming by Gotham Gardens again.
Commissioner Gordon
-We’ve already questioned the employees here, Batman, and no one remembers seeing her.
Batgirl
-What about the Ivy League Gang?
Chief O’Hara (slaps his forehead)
-Saints preserve us, we didn’t think to ask about them! They’re always noted for staying in the background, while Ivy does all the work out in the open.
Batman
-I suggest you rectify that immediately, Chief O’Hara.
(The Chief dashes off.)
Commissioner Gordon
-It’ll take a half hour to question them all again about whether the Gang was here. Perhaps we should return to my office and wait for their report.
Batman
-I’m all for that, Commissioner!
(Batman and Robin head over to the Batmobile. Batgirl lingers by her father’s side and then talks to him in a low tone of voice)
Batgirl
-Daddy, just one thing. Batman and Robin said you tipped them as to where I’d gone. I know I didn’t tell you specifically where I was going.
Commissioner Gordon (keeping his voice low)
-Oh . . . well, when I showed up at the library to see if you’d returned, I ran into a young man who said he’d talked to you the day before, about an abandoned Jo-Ho Motor Lodge upstate. It was a simple matter of putting two and two together.
Batgirl (smiling)
-Thanks for being such a brilliant detective, yourself, Daddy.
(She dashes over to the Batgirlcycle and revs it. The Commissioner takes just an instant to beam with pride before heading over to his official car)
(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)
Narrator
-Meanwhile, Poison Ivy and her gang have returned to their hideout in a suite at the Gotham Hilton!
(Poison Ivy, now wearing her green costume again, is sitting by the phone)
Poison Ivy
-Just one more minute and I give the Commissioner a call.
(Just then, Betsy bursts in from the second bedroom in the suite)
Betsy Barnard
-Pamela, we’ve got trouble!
(Poison Ivy gets to her feet and glares at her white-haired henchgal)
Poison Ivy
-I told you to never call me by my name, you stupid subordinate!
Betsy Barnard
-I’m sorry, Ivy, I . . . I was listening to the radio and I heard a story about Batman, Robin and Batgirl escaping from a fire upstate! They got out!
Poison Ivy (her face wrinkles in disgust)
-Damn. That tricky trio just seems to have a knack for getting out of any kind of trap. (She stares back at the phone). That forces me to change our plan, because with the three of them alive, it’s possible they’ll get the police to lock down Gotham Gardens and keep us from ever getting near there again.
Nancy Radcliffe
-Then how can we hold Gotham City for ransom? They’ll know no more shipments can be poisoned after today and just take precautions to keep the shipments that went out from doing more damage!
Poison Ivy
-Leave that to me. I have been thinking about just this contingency from the minute I first hatched this scheme . . . and it isn’t going to change a thing in terms of the outcome!
(She picks up the phone and begins to dial)
(Cut to Commissioner Gordon’s office where Batman, Robin and Batgirl have arrived)
Commissioner Gordon
-Well, you heard O’Hara’s report. It was the Ivy League gang that paraded their . . . er . . . charms before the men earlier this morning . . . but what they were causing a distraction for, we can’t say.
Robin
-Maybe so Poison Ivy could set some kind of explosive device there?
Commissioner Gordon
-The Bomb Squadron is going over the place thoroughly, but so far there’s no trace of one.
Batman
-What we should be concentrating on is the fact that Poison Ivy went to a great deal of trouble to lure the accounts manager, Mister Quirk, to a most agonizing fate. Clearly, she needed information about Gotham Gardens that only he could provide.
Batgirl
-Yes, but for what purpose?
(The phone rings, and the Commissioner answers it)
Commissioner Gordon
-Yes?
(Alternating cuts between office and Poison Ivy, a ruthless expression on her face, follows)
Poison Ivy
-You’d better put me on the speaker phone right now, Gordon, honey, because I know those three twits are with you, trying to figure out what my end game is. Now, you’re all going to find out!
(Gordon bolts up from his desk and then hurriedly reaches down to switch on the speaker phone)
Commissioner Gordon
-It’s her!
(Just then, Bonnie bursts into the office)
Bonnie
-Commissioner, Mayor Petalburg is on the other line! Something horrible’s been happening at the Five Seasons restaurant and at several McDaniels–
Commissioner Gordon
-Not now, Bonnie!
Batman (holds up a finger)
-Wait a minute, Commissioner! It could be there’s a connection here.
Poison Ivy (smiles wickedly)
-Bright boy, Batman. Such a pity you waste your intellect on the boring cause of justice! Yes, that news about the restaurants you’re about to hear is exactly it! I have succeeded in poisoning the supplies of vegetables that left Gotham Gardens this morning and which are causing unspeakable internal itching agony to all those unfortunate schnooks who ate them today.
Commissioner Gordon
-Good heavens!
Batgirl (revolted by this news)
-Even if you are responsible, Poison Ivy, you can’t get gain anything from your despicable deed, since Gotham Gardens is now secure!
Poison Ivy
-Oh, but Batgirl, just how can you be sure? Have you figured out exactly *how* I sabotaged those vegetables? How do you know there aren’t more supplies about to leave that are contaminated, too? And can you track down every shipment from today that’s been contaminated?
Robin
-Holy Needle in a Haystack!
Poison Ivy
-Oh, and Commissioner, I suggest you also consider this: The entire food industry is going to find itself up to its ears in some *very* nasty lawsuits from every person in Gotham City who caught a touch of Poison Ivy – The restaurants. Gotham Gardens. The grocery stores. Yes, I’d say the cost of eating in Gotham City is about to go through the roof!
Batman (struggling to not show any anger)
-Even if that’s true, Poison Ivy, just how do you benefit?
Poison Ivy (rising up in her chair)
-Plenty, Bat-Bonehead. If I were to sign a statement accepting full responsibility, detailing how only a true *genius* of the criminal realm could pull something like this off, that would let the restaurants, Gotham Gardens, the grocery stores and maybe even the city off the hook, wouldn’t it?
Batman
-To some extent, perhaps.
Poison Ivy
-Oh, come, come, Batman. Once I’ve admitted liability to an intentional tort, recovering significant damages based upon the various institutions’ inability to prevent my actions will be much harder. After all, when I decide to do something, I’m *awfully* hard to stop.
Batman
--Your . . . legal reasoning has validity.
Poison Ivy
(Batman lets out an exasperated sigh, feeling powerless)
Batman
Poison Ivy
Batman
Poison Ivy
(She slams the phone down)
Batgirl (with total disdain)
Robin
Commissioner Gordon (dubious)
Batman
Commissioner Gordon
Batman (holding up his right hand)
(Commercial)
Act Three
Commissioner Gordon
Batman
Batgirl
Robin
Commissioner Gordon (checking watch)
(Cut to scene outside Police Headquarters. We see Poison Ivy, dressed as low-key as possible in trenchcoat and sunglasses, with her hair done up in a scarf. She mounts the steps to the entrance of Police HQ)
(Cut to her entering the building and taking an elevator up to the tenth floor, where Commissioner Gordon’s office is located. She exits the elevator, but instead of heading for the office, she first detours to the ladies room. Once inside, she takes off her sunglasses and removes her trenchcoat, revealing her Poison Ivy costume underneath)
(Cut back to office where everyone is still pacing anxiously)
(Suddenly the muffled sound of a charge from outside in the anteroom catches their attention. The door swings open and from a cloud of gas she’s set off in the outer office, Poison Ivy emerges with a flourish. She is in full costume, with headband and even the green mask she seldom wears. She stands with her hands on hips, in a proud, triumphant posture)
Poison Ivy
Batman
Poison Ivy
(Batgirl glares contemptuously at her, but obliges)
-Now look below and take note of my obedient subordinates pulling up alongside the rear of the building, directly below this office.
(Batgirl stares down and sees an open convertible pull up with the three distinct figures of Betsy, Nancy and Veronica in it)
-Now drop the money satchel out the window.
(Robin comes up and does so)
-Hand me the emerald one.
(Batman moves forward and passes his satchel to Ivy. Poison Ivy then motions to Robin and Batgirl)
-Get away from the window and give me a clear path.
Batman (as Robin and Batgirl obey)
(She is sitting on the ledge, showing off her shapely legs to full effect, and looks back at Batman with a teasing smile)
Poison Ivy
(She suddenly starts spraying the room with her chemical. Immediately, Commissioner Gordon dashes out. Batman, Robin and Batgirl cough violently. As they start to feel the itching effect, they all bid a quick retreat as well)
(Poison Ivy laughs, drops the can of chemical and pulls out a capsule that contains the Instant Jungle formula. She breaks it and drops it to the ground, and immediately a large vine sprouts and snakes its way outside the window. She secures it tightly to the radiator beneath the window and then climbs her way out, descending with rapid swiftness until she lands in the back of the convertible. She then pulls out two wadded pieces of paper and drops them on the curb)
-Go!
(The car roars off and disappears down the street at top speed. It is out of sight just as Batman, Robin and Batgirl emerge from the rear exit)
Batman
(Batgirl notices the wadded papers and reaches down. She picks the pieces up and smooths them out)
Batgirl
Robin (angrily slams his fist into his glove)
Batman
Batgirl (nostrils flaring)
(She moves off and disappears back inside Police Headquarters)
Batman
Robin
Batman (shaking his head)
(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)
Narrator
(Close-up of her emptying the bag of emeralds onto the bed. Betsy, Veronica and Nancy stand off to one-side, looking on in greed-filled awe!)
Betsy Barnard
Nancy Radcliffe
Veronica Vassar
(Ivy slowly shakes her head in disdain)
Poison Ivy
Betsy Barnard (crestfallen)
Veronica Vassar
Poison Ivy (waving an admonishing finger at them)
(Commercial)
Act Four
Robin
Batman (puts a finger to his lip in contemplation)
Robin
Batman
Robin
Batman
(The service elevator opens and Alfred walks across with a silver tray)
Alfred
Batman
(The regular phone rings)
-But first things first!
(He goes over and picks it up, while Robin eagerly attacks his dinner)
-Bruce Wayne, speaking.
Mr. Birdsear
Batman
Mr. Birdsear (apologetic)
Batman
Mr. Birdsear
Batman (his head perks in interest)
Mr. Birdsear
Batman (nods)
Mr. Birdsear
Batman
(Hangs up and goes back over to table where Robin has already devoured half of his portion. Alfred is still standing by)
-Alfred, you’ll have to save my half of dinner. Robin, we must head for Police Headquarters immediately and make preparations to nab Poison Ivy tomorrow morning!
Robin(wipes mouth with napkin and rises in a shot)
(The two dash over to the Batmobile and get in. It fires up and roars out)
Alfred (waving)
(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)
(Scene of a mostly empty highway)
Narrator
(Close-up of the convertible pulled off on the shoulder. Ivy is in the front seat, the Ivy League Gang in the back)
Poison Ivy
Betsy Barnard
Poison Ivy
(They shake their heads)
-Good. (She looks at the clock on the dashboard which reads 9:05) It should be any minute now.
(Cut to shot of a truck appearing in the distance, growing closer)
Poison Ivy
(She starts the convertible and pulls it off the shoulder, so it now blocks the highway completely. Ivy quickly gets out and runs off to the side of the road, hiding behind a mileage sign. She crouches down and then calls back over to her gang)
-Get ready to strut your stuff!
(The truck comes to a stop, fifteen yards from the convertible blocking the highway. Betsy, Veronica and Nancy all get out and start to parade in front of the truck with identical, sexy swaggers)
Nancy Radcliffe
Veronica Vassar
Betsy Barnard
(As they talk, we see Ivy stealthily making her way toward the back of the truck. She is about ready to pull open the back door, when suddenly she hears an unmistakable voice)
Batman (opening the door of the cab and stepping out)
Robin (opening the other door and leaping out, coming alongside Batman)
(Poison Ivy, from her position in back of the truck, hurriedly backs away and disappears around the side, just as the rear door opens and Batgirl vaults out, looking around for any sign of her)
(Up front, Betsy, Veronica and Nancy all trade nervous glances with each other as Batman and Robin draw closer. They all nod and then leap toward the Dynamic Duo in classic karate lunges. Batman and Robin are forced to weather several blows to their upper torsos, but they leave little to no impact, as they push them back and start circling around the three henchladies)
(Cut to Batgirl on the other side looking for Poison Ivy. She has taken up a hiding place behind the mileage sign once again, watching Batgirl carefully. Ivy pulls out the can of itching chemical she used in the Commissioner’s office before, but her ego won’t let her use it just yet. She wants to get in a lick against Batgirl as payback for their clash at Shoney Island some months previously)
Poison Ivy
(Batgirl spots Ivy, shakes her head disdainfully and puts her hands on her hips)
Batgirl
Poison Ivy (stepping out and throwing off her trenchcoat)
(They charge each other and start to go at it in classic Batfight style)
(Meanwhile, in front of the truck, Batman and Robin continue to circle around Betsy, Nancy and Veronica, all of whom are starting to look very dizzy and disoriented as they don’t know if the Dynamic Duo will charge or draw some weapon on them)
(Cut back to Batgirl delivering a blow with both fists to Ivy on the chin. Ivy staggers back, grabs the sign to steady herself, then charges back again, delivering an expert kick that catches the Dominoed Daredevil on the shoulder, which slams Batgirl back against the side of the truck.
Ivy then grasps her from behind and then pulls at Batgirl’s cowl, deciding to make an attempt to rip it off altogether. Batgirl feels Ivy’s fingers jamming into her eyeslits, and the pain level is increasing. She then manages to reach up and grab Ivy’s right arm and hurl the villainess forward. Ivy slips and tumbles to the dusty surface of the highway shoulder)
(Up front, Batman and Robin’s constant circling of the Ivy League Gang has taken its toll on the three henchladies. They all collapse in a sick, dizzy faint. Batman takes the Instant Bat-Net from his utility belt he used to immobilize them in their last encounter, and it goes to work, making Betsy, Veronica and Nancy their prisoners once again)
(Robin, meanwhile, goes over to the convertible and sees the two bags with the ransom money and jewels on the floor of the backseat. He grabs them both and hurries back over to join Batman)
Robin
Batman
(Cut back to Ivy getting to her feet rapidly as Batgirl runs toward her, hoping to deliver the final knockout. She sees her discarded trenchcoat lying by the mileage sign with her can of itching chemical resting on top of it. As fast as she can sprint, she gets over there and reaches for the can just as she feels Batgirl grab her leg from behind and knock her down. The two of them are now rolling about on the side of the highway with Ivy trying to press down on the spray can nozzle.
Finally, just as Batgirl is about to reach for a vial of Batgas from her own utility belt, Ivy manages to activate the spray.)
(Batgirl immediately has to stagger back, coughing violently. Ivy is back on her feet with the can secure in her fingers. She looks to her right and sees Batman and Robin approaching)
Poison Ivy
(She sprays the chemical full blast at them both. Batman and Robin are unable to move in on her, as they are overwhelmed by the itching effect of the gas. Ivy hurries past them and leaps back into the front of the convertible . . . not noticing the two ransom bags that Robin had removed lying on the pavement in front of the truck. She revs up the convertible and is soon roaring off down the highway at better than a hundred miles an hour)
(Slowly, Batman and Robin feel the effects of the itching spray dissipate, as does Batgirl. They manage to get to the opposite side of the truck where the gas is non-existent.)
Robin (coughs)
Batman
(The two of them get to work on the immobilized Ivy League Gang and the ransom bags. Batgirl lingers a bit longer, looking down the highway, and manages to resist the urge to make one final angry gesture before she joins her fellow crimefighters)
(Commercial)
Epilogue
Batman
Batgirl (hands on hips)
Commissioner Gordon
Chief O’Hara
Commissioner Gordon
Robin (smiling, and trying not to look impish)
Batman (duplicating Robin’s gesture)
Commissioner Gordon
Batgirl
Batman
Chief O’Hara
(Spinning Bat symbol to indicate scene change)
Narrator
(We see a beat-up looking, yellow truck pull up in front of a man in a blue jacket. The window goes down and we see Ivy, who has stripped herself of as much glamour as she can, with no make-up and informal clothing)
Poison Ivy
Man
Poison Ivy
Man
Poison Ivy
Man
Poison Ivy
(She drives off and smiles wickedly)
-I have *no* intention of clearing out any overgrowth of Poison Ivy!
(Cut to the car pulling up in front of the abandoned lodge, which is settled deep in the woods. Ivy gets out and takes note of the surroundings, first with a slight air of disdain over the dilapidated, run-down condition of the lodge)
(Her voice grows cold)
-And if you don’t agree to deliver that amount, then you can forget about my giving you the full rundown on what has been contaminated, which means a large number of people are still going to be at risk. You can hardly have every supermarket, restaurant and facility serviced by Gotham Gardens shut down to check . . . especially since this poison I’ve developed is not susceptible to tracing – even by your Bat-Computer!
-You . . . win, Poison Ivy. Where do you want this delivery to be made?
-There’ll be no delivery, Bat-Bum. I intend to pick it up *in person* in that very office you’re in right now. In exactly two hours, you’re to have fifty million in emeralds, and fifty million in unmarked bills. (She smiles). I do think it *so* appropriate that I be paid off in two lovely fine shades of green. Carrying them on my person, will go nicely with my outfit!
-What about the information on those poison vegetable shipments and your signed statement of liability?
-You’ll get them only when I arrive to pick up the merchandise, Batman . . . and don’t bother trying to take steps to capture me. You’re going to see just how untouchable I’m going to be when I arrive!
-Her naked greed is the most nauseating thing about her!
-Batman, we’re not going to give her what she wants?
-And I don’t see how even you, Batman, can make such a monetary commitment on behalf of so many people.
-Events have left us with no choice. Too many lives are at risk by the shipments of poisoned vegetables that have already gone out from Gotham Gardens. Poison Ivy must be paid to insure their safety. After the recent Penguin affair, my good friend Bruce Wayne put in place an emergency fund for situations like this. I’m sure the Wayne Foundation will put up the necessary funds.
-All right, Batman. You’ve never let us down before. I’ll notify Mayor Petalburg of the latest developments.
-I wouldn’t recommend putting any assault teams in place, Commissioner. Poison Ivy has proved to be quite unpredictable. I doubt we’ll be able to anticipate how she plans on getting in and out of here without being captured. It’s best we see how things unfold, and should we catch a lucky break, then maybe we’ll be able to nab her. If not . . . we’ll have to let her go and make sure the safety of millions of Gothamites is guaranteed.
(To denote the passage of time, the Commissioner’s jacket is off, his tie loosened. Everyone else is still present. Batman is holding one large satchel, Robin the other.)
-Well, it won’t be long now. One satchel of emeralds, the other in cash, just like she wants.
-Mister Fox at the Wayne Foundation was most cooperative.
-Bruce Wayne knows how important it is to safeguard lives in an emergency.
-Only a private citizen could act so quickly.
-Should be less than five minutes from now, if she’s on schedule.
-Never let it be said I don’t know how to make an entrance! (She whips out a spray can). Don’t make a move I don’t like, or else you all get subjected to another dose of itching chemical.
-We’re keeping our word, Poison Ivy. (He extends the satchel, and Robin does likewise with the one he’s holding). Now, will you keep yours?
-Sure, sure, sure, Batman . . . but all in the proper sequence. (She motions to Batgirl). Open the window.
-Poison Ivy, what about the information?
-Maybe I’m just going to prove how devious I really am? (She notices their reaction and then shakes her head). Nah, not my style. You’ll find it, as well as my signed statement, down below in just a matter of minutes, as soon as I make my getaway. I suggest you leave the office and start running down there now, since it’s going to get real uncomfortable in here!
-Confound it! She got away!
-Well, she did keep her word. The other contaminated shipments are the ones that went to the Big Union Supermarkets and Tyler Stadium. (She holds up the other paper) And here’s her sworn statement, taking full ‘credit’ for the poisonings.
-Let’s go after her!
-She has too much a head start, Robin. Our first responsibility is to attend to destroying those shipments of poisoned vegetables, which is likely to take up the rest of our day. There’ll be another time and place, old chum.
-I hope so! The idea of seeing a woman like her use every trick in the book to get ahead really infuriates me.
-An understandable reaction, given Batgirl’s devotion to the cause of seeing women succeed in all walks of life. The actions of one like Poison Ivy certainly disgraces that noble cause and only serves to give ammunition to the short-sighted critics.
-You can say that again!
-I . . . don’t think I should.
-One hour later, Poison Ivy is back in her Gotham City hideout!
-We’re set for life!
-All we need to do is slip out tonight on the first plane to Europe or Hong Kong!
-Goodbye, America!
-Girls, girls, girls, you are *so* shortsighted. We still have one last piece of unfinished business to attend to before we go our separate ways with our fortunes.
-Unfinished business? Egads, Ivy, what else is there for us to do? We’ve won!
-She’s right, Ivy!
-There is *more* to the successful completion of a caper than just receiving the money. It’s making sure that every element you planned to wreak havoc on is taken care of, unless circumstances dictated otherwise. Events forced us to give up on Tyler Stadium and the Big Union Supermarkets to get the payoff . . . but there is still *one* place left for us to contaminate, and it just so happens to be the place that will help settle an old score from a past caper . . . and only then . . . will I be able to retire happily with ninety-seven million dollars to the ultimate hideaway of my choosing.
(Inside the Batcave, we see Batman and Robin seated with a dejected air)
-Well, we made certain the shipments to Big Union and Tyler Stadium were never uncrated and all destroyed. (Shakes his head). It still burns me up that she and her gang got away! With all of your money they’ve got, they can go just about anywhere and drop out of sight for good.
-Maybe, Robin. If we can assume Poison Ivy feels totally satisfied with the results and isn’t egocentric enough to attempt one final coup.
-Why should she?
-Criminals, even when motivated principally by greed, can sometimes develop a fetish about how efficiently the job was done. If there is one last piece of unfinished business by their reckoning, the temptation to take care of that business would be too great to resist.
-But what kind of unfinished business could she possibly have regarding this caper? She’s got one hundred million dollars!
-That is what I am trying to figure out, Robin. Taking into account her previous capers as well, assuming she wanted to do something related to one of them–
-Mrs. Cooper has left for the evening, sirs, and I took the liberty of bringing down the portions of dinner she requested I save for you.
-Most considerate of you, Alfred! Perhaps some additional sustenance will invigorate our mental faculties!
-Oh, Mister Wayne, this is Mister Birdsear of Gotham Gardens. I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but . . . this has not been a good day for us.
–Yes, I’m well aware of what happened. I must say, Mister Birdsear, I hope this convinces you beyond any doubt, that Mister Quirk should not be considered indispensable when it comes to keeping the accounts records in order.
-Oh yes, Mister Wayne, I’ve learned my lesson! Quirk’s going to be given a generous pension and retirement, so he can spend all his time at the Gotham-A-Go-Go if he likes.
-Though, in fairness to him, it’s not likely that any man, young or old, could have successfully resisted the temptations Poison Ivy offered.
-Yes, that’s true. I’ve just come from the hospital and gotten all the information on what he told her. We’re lucky her scheme was ended yesterday, or else there’d still be more shipments tomorrow at risk!
-You mean he revealed information on certain shipments that go out tomorrow, as well as those Poison Ivy targeted yesterday?
-Yes, it was the shipment time for the vegetables used in the Food Court at America’s Mall. Tomorrow morning at 8:30.
-I see. Mr. Birdsear, I will talk with you this weekend and get back to finalizing our agreement.
-You mean . . . you’re still willing to help us upgrade our facilities?
-After what’s happened, Mister Birdsear, I think my financial assistance is needed for your facility more than ever!
-That’s the only thing that could pry me away from eating right now!
-Good hunting, sirs!
-The next morning, on the main road that leads to the America’s Mall!
-Now remember. We distract the driver by blocking the road and the three of you turning on your feminine charms, while I slip in the poison on the back of the truck.
-Egads, Ivy, I still think this is a waste of time!
-You’re free to back out. All it will cost you is your one million dollars! And that goes for the two of you as well. (She pauses for effect) Any more questions?
-That’s it.
-Oh, boys? Could you please lend us a hand?
-Yes, our car has just broken down and we can’t seem to get it off the highway!
-And we’d so appreciate it if some big, strong, men could help give us a little ‘ol push!
-I’m flattered that you young ladies would think we could lend you some assistance . . . but I’m afraid the only assistance we can offer is some lengthy rehabilitation time in Gotham State Penitentiary to cure you of your wicked ways!
-Ditto!
-Over here, Bat-Boobs!
-It’s all over for you, Poison Ivy.
-That’s what you think!
-I’ve got the ransom money and jewels, Batman!
-Good work, old chum! Now let’s see if Batgirl has taken care of Poison Ivy!
-Sayonara, sweeties!
-Holy Getaway! She’s gone!
-Only a . . . small tactical defeat in a battle that was won, Robin! Let’s . . . get these henchladies and the ransom back to Commissioner Gordon as quickly as possible!
(Establishing shot of Police Headquarters and then a cut to Commissioner Gordon’s office where Batman, Robin and Batgirl are making their final report to the Commissioner and Chief O’Hara)
-While Poison Ivy’s escape was unfortunate, she came away with nothing in the end. Her last- minute attempt to strike at America’s Mall as revenge for the Christmas tree caper failed, and in her haste she left the ransom behind.
-As Batman said, a small tactical defeat in a battle that was a great victory for the forces of justice!
-Yes, that’s a good way of looking at things. In a way, I suppose, this unfortunate affair will lead to some greater good for our fair city. Mister Birdsear of Gotham Gardens is promising some major changes in how they run their operations, and I’m told that millionaire Bruce Wayne is going to contribute generously toward assisting them.
-What a great, philanthropic heart that man has!
-Well, he represents the best in which those – who don’t take up the task of crimefighting like you three – can hope to achieve in life.
-Mister Wayne, I’m sure, would be flattered to hear you say that, Commissioner.
-Indeed, he would . . . but I am sure that in our fair city, Commissioner, there are others, even without Mister Wayne’s millions, who possess the same generous spirit.
-I suppose so. In the meantime, do you think it likely Poison Ivy will strike again soon, or is she more apt to lay low?
-I’d bet on the latter for now, Commissioner. Her ego just took a big bruising, and she’s going to need a lot of time to regroup and plan her next devious scheme.
-When she strikes again – as I’m sure she inevitably will – will she be playing the role of greedy criminal . . . .or will she utilize the tools of environmental extremism and eco-terrorism to achieve her sinister ends?
-If we can’t track her down before she can decide, let’s just hope she stays in an uncertain quandary for a long time!
-Meanwhile, in a small backwoods community five hundred miles north of Gotham City, near the Canadian border, in a region as far removed from the trappings of civilization one can find in all of Gotham State . . .
-Excuse me. I just bought the old Forest Inn property. I want to make sure I’m on the right road.
-Yeah, you’re on the right road. Just a mile further down. Be careful, though. The whole road is overgrown and hasn’t been cleared away in about ten years since the place went out of business.
-No problem. I can manage.
-You aiming to fix the place up and reopen it?
-Well . . . let’s just say I’m going to find a use for it.
-Last time I was there, the lodge and guest rooms were overrun with poison ivy! It’d cost a fortune just to clean it up.
-Just leave it to me. Thanks!
Poison Ivy
-Well . . . it’s a major step down from the old Jo-Ho lodge . . . let alone the Gotham Plaza. (She then sighs) But . . . maybe that’s for the best. It’s probably time I got away from luxury for awhile and just . . . went back to Nature in its purest form.
(She then takes a step closer and takes a deep breath of the fresh mountain air. Her expression then takes on a smile)
Poison Ivy
-Ahhhh! Yeah, that’s what I need to do. Just go back to Nature for a while and recharge the old batteries . . . (she stops and smiles wickedly) . . . and *next* time, Batman, Robin and Batgirl, you won’t be able to stop me!