When the Riddler Holds Court

“I don’t know how long I can take this heat, Batgirl!” Lieutenant Diana Mooney loudly complained.

“Riddler hasn’t given us a choice,” Batgirl grimly replied, wading toward her friend in the rapidly rising water. “We’ve both been in tough spots before.” Batgirl reached her friend and smiled encouragingly. “We’ll get through this one, too.”

“We’re not dead yet,” the lovely Lieutenant said, grinning.

“That’s the spirit.”

Batgirl routinely defied death facing Gotham City’s infamous rogues’ gallery, yet Lieutenant Mooney was not entirely inexperienced.

She had first pitted her wits against Catwoman as an undercover police operative. The Lieutenant’s adventure had nearly ended badly when her cover was blown and the Feline Fiend had held her captive in a unique prison. The psychological toll the pretty, young prisoner’s harrowing experience had exacted did not prevent the ambitious, hard-working officer from earning her promotion. Years later, Catwoman had used the policewomen as bait for Batgirl. Once the Curved Crusader had been caught, both the super heroine and her best friend on the police force had been prepared for launch from a refurbished trebuchet, which the Princess of Plunder had preferred to call a ‘catapult.’

The Lieutenant had commanded an all-female taskforce against the Siren when the sonic sorceress’ strange, hypnotic power had been exclusively effective against men, through her nefarious, notorious notes. Once the villainess’ abilities expanded, allowing her gorgeous green eyes to influence men and women, Siren had caught Batgirl and arranged for the heroine’s entranced friend to destroy the Curved Crusader. Diana had played a standard harp, electronically attuned to a special oversized instrument, upon which Batgirl had literally been strung up. Siren’s sinister song had been intended to cut Batgirl to pieces. In addition, Diana’s role in the heroine’s demise had been designed to have a psychologically-devastating effect on the Lieutenant. Recently, Siren’s protégée, Sirena, had serenaded the pretty pair as they were slowly buried alive with tinsel according to the musical magician’s plans.

The Lieutenant had also dealt with dangerous situations while facing other super villains. The Joker had allowed a drugged Batgirl to sandwich her between her police superiors and leave all of them to be fatally engulfed in exponentially expansive Joker Jelly. Similarly, Nora Clavicle, before her strange and unexpected disappearance, had used super-sharp wires to threaten the policewoman with disfigurement.

All these memories flashed through the Lieutenant’s mind as she regarded Batgirl’s smiling face. “Okay,” the policewoman said. “The entrance to this chamber is blocked with some kind of shatterproof, bulletproof panel. The drains are stopped. The vents are too small to escape through. I’m disarmed and you’ve been deprived of your utility belt. We’re nearly waist deep in the boiling water quickly filling the chamber already! How are we going to stay alive?”

“You’re right, Diana,” Batgirl said. “Riddler has blocked every exit from this chamber and he thinks he rendered us helpless.” She grinned and a mischievous light danced in her eyes. “He didn’t count on my putting a few things in your pockets before he caught us.”

“What are you talking about?”

Batgirl pulled two Batlungs from the Lieutenant’s back pocket and handed one to her friend. “Put this on. It will buy us a little time.”

“When did you slip me these and how did you know we’d need them?”

“I put those, and a few other items, in your pockets after the fight in the medical tent. Riddler tried to drown me the last time he worked with Anna Gram. It was reasonable to predict he’d try it a second time, and maybe get it right.”

Diana Mooney smiled. “We shook hands and hugged after beating Riddler’s men senseless.”

“Exactly,” Batgirl confirmed. Both women were speaking and grinning through Batlungs as the Curved Crusader pulled another item from her friend’s pocket.

“What is that?”

“Our ticket out of here . . . I hope,” Batgirl replied, wading toward the clear panel standing between them and freedom. “If this device works, it will generate sound waves at increasing decibel levels and find a frequency to which this panel is vulnerable.”

“So, the panel will shatter?”

“Right,” Batgirl replied, a little less confidently than she would have liked.

“Have you used that gizmo before?”

“I’d feel better if I had,” Batgirl admitted. “It’s also going to have to work underwater.” The steamy soup in which the women stood was chest deep.

“Do we have a backup plan if it doesn’t work?”

“Sure,” Batgirl said too quickly. “We’ll improvise.”

“Terrific.”

“Ready?”

“Hit it!”

Batgirl stuck her device against the panel above the rising water line and pressed it firmly in place. Then, she switched it on before wading back toward her friend.

“I’m starting to realize I didn’t sleep well today,” Lieutenant Mooney admitted. “Or maybe the fight took more out of me than I realized.” The policewoman yawned and began to sag.

“Stay with me, Diana!” Batgirl said, catching, holding, and supporting her.

“Okay!” the Lieutenant sharply said. “Sorry.” Her eyes fluttered. “I am so tired.”

Batgirl found herself holding nearly all of her friend’s weight. She kicked her legs and held the policewoman’s head above the high water. “Think about catching Anna Gram,” Batgirl suggested. “I know you’re tired of her kicking you around.”

Lieutenant Mooney swore.

‘Good,’ Batgirl thought. ‘I made Diana mad and gave her something upon which to focus. We won’t be able to talk in a couple of minutes, and unless my gadget destroys that panel, we’ll be cooked—literally!’

Despite her concerns, the Curved Crusader had reason to have faith in the destructive power of sound waves. Historically, the Minstrel had shaken the Gotham City Stock Exchange Building with them and threatened to shake off the Dynamic Duo’s heads using the same bizarre weapon. Also, Catwoman had tried to use sounds magnified in conjunction with her giant echo chamber to pound Batman and Robin’s brains into mush, thus destroying their minds while leaving their bodies intact.

Batgirl herself had undergone similar treatment at the Siren’s hands more than once. Earphones and sound equipment had enabled the sinister songstress’ supersonic high C note to impale her head and draw her mind very close to the breaking point. On another occasion, more powerful equipment had enabled Siren’s vengeful assistants, Doe; Rae; and Mimi, to use sound waves not only attack Batgirl’s mind, but to threaten to jellify her body as well.

Now, Batgirl hoped the sound waves her device generated would enable her to escape one of her enemies’ sinister traps. She and Batman had both determined the sympathetic vibration of various fragile chambers in which they had been imprisoned in the past. The panel her device was attacking was, however, far less fragile.

Once the hot water had covered her head, she could hear the continuous, magnified sounds her device generated. 'Thank Heaven it is still working,’ Batgirl thought.

The Batlungs she and the Lieutenant wore kept them from drowning, while both woman seemed somehow suspended in the boiling liquid, like marionette puppets with their strings cut. Despite Batgirl’s actions, the Curved Crusader knew they were helpless against the boiling water. Only escape would prevent the temperature from doing its wicked work on both of them — all too quickly!

Lieutenant Mooney’s deteriorating condition occupied Batgirl’s thoughts. The policewoman worked nights and had probably not slept well as the exciting prospect of facing the Riddler loomed. The amount of adrenaline this anticipation had furnished her did nothing to lessen the amount of punishment she had so far endured in accordance with Riddler’s direction and Anna Gram’s sadistic whims. Heat was quickly taking its toll. Batgirl held her, staring intently at her eyes, hoping they would remain open.

Lieutenant Mooney responded to her friend’s attention with a continuous smile and maintained a reassuring, tight grip on Batgirl’s arms, squeezing them occasionally.

Batgirl was aware of her own muscles tiring as she watched her friend’s eyes slowly close. The Curved Crusader blinked in response to a slight change in the pitch of the sound attacking the panel. Until that moment, the sounds had occurred at regular intervals. Now, they were more intermittent, and mingled with other noises Batgirl had not heard earlier.

The policewoman’s eyes widened as her glance followed Batgirl’s, turning toward the panel. A single crack had appeared and a second was forming as they watched. Batgirl leaned back and rolled so the Lieutenant was on top of her and their feet faced the slowly cracking panel. A third and fourth crack formed seconds before a spider web of light spread from Batgirl’s device, quickly expanding across the entire panel.

Seconds later, a wall of water shattered the barrier, bursting from the showers and carrying Batgirl and Lieutenant Mooney across the chamber just outside the showers. Their feet slammed into the opposite wall and they landed on the floor, gasping for breath and numb to pain.

“Your gizmo did the trick!” Lieutenant Mooney observed, rising to her feet and helping Batgirl stand.

The Curved Crusader found her utility belt and buckled it around her waist, putting away the items she had given the Lieutenant. “We’re lucky to have survived Riddler’s trap,” Batgirl said. “How are you?”

“I’ve been better,” the Lieutenant said. “Now I know how a hard-boiled egg feels.” She paused as a look of resolve came across her face. “I think it’s about time I caught up with Anna Gram and repaid her for my bruises.”

“Riddler gave us a couple of riddles to help us puzzle out his plot,” Batgirl said, grinning. “Let’s shut the water off, get out of here, dry off, and go after him.”

“Your plan sounds good to me. Do we have to walk back to the beach to get our vehicles?”

“Maybe not,” Batgirl said, pulling something else from her amazing belt. “We may be in range for me to use my radio control Batgirlcycle remote. When my bike gets here, I’ll give you a lift back to your car.”

Presently, the pretty pair arrived at Gotham Point on the Batgirlcycle and Lieutenant Mooney dismounted the back. “How is your costume dry already?” the still-soaked and shivering Lieutenant Mooney demanded.

“Three years ago, I faced Poison Ivy at Christmas time and started wearing thermal underwear under my outfit after she subdued me by drenching me with water and a pressurized hose.”

“I recall you had a cold at the time.”

“Since then, technology has improved. My newer costumes all have air pockets built into their fabric for insulation. The material from which I made them draws moisture away from my body to keep me drier and therefore warmer. It wicks moisture away to spread it over the fabric’s surface and speed up drying.”

“So, you aren’t relying on Super-Thermo-B Long Underwear; Bat-Thermal Underwear; or Super Thermalized-Batskivies like Batman and Robin do?”

“No,” Batgirl replied, smiling. “Thermal underwear of any kind had an annoying tendency to bunch beneath my costume.”

“How unsightly,” the Lieutenant commented.

Batgirl let her friend’s remark pass with a shrug. “It’s possible the innovative fabric from which I make my costumes renders the entire variety of Bat-warmth retaining technology obsolete.” The Crime Fighting Cutie grinned as she went on, “Now, I have to find out how you know so much about Batman and Robin’s underwear!”

“You know admiring Bat-fashion is my hobby,” the Lieutenant said, grinning back at her companion. “Besides, you’ve just proven one of my theories about your outfit.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely,” the Lieutenant confirmed. “I’ve always suspected it plays an important role in keeping you hot.”

Batgirl rolled her eyes, before turning serious. “If you have another uniform, you should change before we go to Headquarters.” Then the impish flare returned to Batgirl’s green eyes. “The quick change and a ride in your warm car will make you especially hot, too.”

Lieutenant Mooney smiled, nodding. “Thanks. You’re changing the subject,” she accused. “I’ll have you know, I have no trouble having fun when I go clubbing.”

“Maybe I should tag along some time, to watch you operate.”

“I think most people consider Batgirl to be a no-nonsense, all-business crimefighter, but I know better,” Diana Mooney said, laughing. “I’ll be back in a minute, after I change.”

As Batgirl waited, she recalled the many conversations in which she and her friend had discussed the heroine’s attire. This topic came up so often it had become a running joke between them long ago. A mere glance would tell anyone Batgirl was, despite her moniker, an exceptionally beautiful woman who kept herself in tip-top physical condition. The skintight lurex, stretched so tightly against Batgirl’s body, had often been compared to a fourth layer of skin, covering everything, while concealing nothing.

Lieutenant Mooney conceded the carefully considered combination of Batgirl’s athletic training; her hourglass figure; and the physicality of the voluptuous vigilante’s crimefighting methods made her a stunningly effective enemy of evil — in many ways. The Lieutenant, however, contended the thin, form-fitting material left Batgirl vulnerable to almost any imaginable tactile sensation. Indeed, her enemies had used heat, cold, tickling, and many other fiendish forms of torture against her.

Yet, Batgirl closed her eyes and remembered the feel, at other times, of strong hands comfortably kneading her flesh and muscles and the warmth she felt when someone like Batman held her closely. She smiled, recalling the pleasant feel of pressure the Caped Crusader’s fingers caused when he gripped her hips as they rode the Batgirlcycle together.

Of course, Batman was not the only man about whom Batgirl daydreamed. Doctor Vince, the handsome man she considered Batgirl’s personal physician, had been a consummate professional in all of her dealings with him. He had demonstrated both keen intelligence and tact more than once. Happily, he seemed genuinely attracted to the Curved Crusader. Unfortunately, none of Batgirl’s schemes to bring the Doctor and Barbara Gordon together socially had yet succeeded. Additionally, Batgirl had met the brutally handsome, British secret agent, James Bond, more than once. Coincidently and regrettably, she had always been with another woman on these occasions. Had she and Bond ever been alone . . . .

She sighed quietly as Lieutenant Mooney climbed behind the wheel of the police car and pulled away, while turning the heater to maximum. The Purple-clad Paragon engaged her kick starter and followed, taking in and exhaling a deep breath as her mind returned to the task at hand.

Later, Batgirl drank coffee in Commissioner Gordon’s office as Lieutenant Mooney tapped away at her laptop, generating a report on the adventure both women had survived.

Commissioner Gordon, who had decided to remain on hand while his daughter and one of his commanders pursued the Riddler, listened to their story. “That punctuated devil!” he exclaimed when both had finished their accounts. “It seems he was ready for you.”

“I can’t disagree, sir,” Lieutenant Mooney said. “If Batgirl had not been so well prepared, we might both be dead.”

“We have the advantage now,” Batgirl said. “Riddler thinks he’s killed us. So, he might get sloppy.”

“He did give us a couple of clues before he and Anna Gram left us to die,” Lieutenant Mooney said.

“Right, Diana, I remember. He asked me, ‘What is the name of the only mammal that can't fly that can fly?’” Batgirl recalled. “He asked you, ‘Name for me the one two-sided shape!’”

“He’s asking about a flightless mammal that flies,” the Commissioner thoughtfully said. “This clue seems to contradict itself.”

Lieutenant Mooney suppressed a grin and observed, “There is, obviously, one mammal with wings . . .”

“Yes, a bat,” Batgirl said, grimacing at her friend.

“. . . but a bat can fly,” Mooney continued. “I can think of several flightless birds, but . . . .”

“Maybe we should turn the question around,” Batgirl suggested. “There are unnatural means of flight.”

“Of course!” the commissioner said. “There are planes–”

“. . . and human beings use planes to fly!” Lieutenant Mooney said.

“I think we have the first riddle,” Batgirl said. “What about the one two-sided shape?”

“A line has two sides,” Lieutenant Mooney mused, “but multiple lines would be needed to form a shape.”

“A triangle has three sides,” Batgirl said. “Several shapes have four sides. There are squares, rectangles, trapezoids, or rhombuses.”

“A pentagon has five sides,” the Commissioner offered. “I think we’re on the wrong track. We’re thinking of shapes with more and more sides.”

“Batgirl,” Lieutenant Mooney said, “I’m sorry to interrupt our train of thought, but I’d like to know what you call the device that got us out of Riddler’s trap.”

“Wait a minute, Diana. I think you’ve hit on the answer to the riddle!” Batgirl said.

“The name of your gizmo is the answer?”

“No. You said it ‘got us out of Riddler’s trap.’”

“I don’t understand,” the Commissioner admitted, reaching for the coffee pot.

“Anything with an outside must also have an inside,” Batgirl explained. “We need a shape with an inside and an outside.”

“I think I see,” Lieutenant Mooney said. “Something can be inclusive or exclusive, and it’s a shape.”

“What about a circle?” the Commissioner asked.

“You’ve done it again, Commissioner!” Batgirl praised. “We have a circle and human beings as the clues to Riddler’s next crime.”

“Most of our colorful enemies build larger crimes on top of smaller ones,” the Commissioner said.

“They also seem to be guided by a theme,” the Lieutenant added.

“Good thinking. Riddler kidnapped two professional volleyball players from a charity event and he plans something involving human beings or people and a circle,” Batgirl summarized. “Could a circle of people be a database?”

“Maybe,” the Lieutenant thoughtfully said.

“He might plan to hit the charity up for the ransom to release his hostages.” The Commissioner suggested.

“If we’re right, he’ll need the charity’s list of donors!” Batgirl enthused. “I think we’ve solved Riddler’s clues.”

“He planned a busy night,” Lieutenant Mooney said. “We’d better get going if we’re going to catch him.”

“You’re right, Diana,” Batgirl agreed. “We may not have a moment to lose.”

“I’ll need another gun,” the Lieutenant said sheepishly.

“Riddler disarmed you again?” the Commissioner asked. “You know Chief O’Hara will want your report.”

“It’s not finished yet, sir,” the Lieutenant replied. “I’ll be happy to write it when Riddler and his people are in jail and his hostages are safe.”

“Very well,” the Commissioner agreed, nodding.

“Let’s go!” Batgirl urged.

“I’m right behind you,” Lieutenant Mooney replied. They went.

Meanwhile, at the headquarters of the Greater Gotham Sporting Links Confederation, Anna Gram gazed intently at a computer screen while her fingers flew over the keyboard. Riddler looked over her shoulder, intently watching her work.

“There! I’ve done it,” Anna Gram triumphantly said. “The list of rich contributors to the Greater Gotham Sporting Links Confederation is about to be ours, and everyone on it will soon be donating a substantial portion of their fabulous wealth to us, if they ever want to see either Dawn Morgan or Eva Knight again.”

“It took you long enough,” Riddler complained, glaring at her with his legs spread wide and extended in either direction.

“Listen!” Anna Gram angrily replied. “You told me to pick Playgirl’s brain about hacking computers while we were inside together and promised to bust me out if I did. We both kept our promises. Now, I’m putting my new talents to use for you, and all you can do is criticize me! I could let you do this yourself. You know?” The angry edge in her voice softened. “Your plan is so lucrative, though.”

Her words were only partially responsible for her smile curling the ravishing rogue’s lips. The delay in locating the contributors list had been partially due to the discovery of the charity’s bank accounts. Anna Gram had electronically transferred the bulk of the funds she had found into Riddler’s account, according to the criminal’s plans. She had also, however, diverted a sizable sum elsewhere for herself. ‘Not all of Playgirl’s advice had been given to help Riddler, after all,’ the pretty pirate thought.

“You wasted valuable time changing clothes when we arrived,” Riddler argued.

“You were binding and locking up the security guards while I changed, and I started the electronic toy that deciphered these computers’ passwords for us first.”

“You looked just fine when we got here.”

“The only person likely to see me here will be you, Riddler,” the girl explained. “Besides, my decision had nothing to do with vanity! The bikini was adequately warm in the closed, public beach house where the boys had been working all day and at the technologically heated beach. They turn the heat here down at night to save money! Of course, no such measure will be remotely adequate when we’ve finished.”

“I’m sorry, Anna,” Riddler apologized, smiling at her. “You know I can’t stay still. I’m just not good at waiting.”

“I’m initializing the download,” she said, ignoring him. “Be patient, Riddler. Batgirl and the Lieutenant will be almost done by now, literally cooked – and no one has a clue we’re even here. Our electronic funds transfer is going to take a few minutes. This charity has lots of donors and each of them has already received an e-mail detailing our demands.” The Riddler giggled while his henchwoman laughed. “Our bank balance will begin growing noticeably as soon as the banks open.”

“In that case,” Riddler said as he smiled down at her, “I’ll have plenty of time to admire your new, warmer outfit.”

Anna Gram had sheathed her body in black. A scoop-necked, closely-fitting leotard encased her body from the waist up, while sheer, long-sleeved nylon enveloped her shoulders, arms, legs, and the small portion of her chest the leotard did not cover. She had accessorized with a silver kerchief, knotted at her throat.

“Your taste in attire is matchless,” her punctuated paramour went on. “Every stitch looks good on you, too.”

“Flatterer,” Anna Gram accused, grinning at him; reaching up; and pulling his mouth down to hers.

“Tell me, my dear,” Riddler said, once he had regained the power of speech, “how well stocked were this worthy charity’s accounts?”

“They were getting by handsomely,” the girl reported. “They also had plenty put aside for a rainy day.”

“So, I trust you’ve arranged to divert the luscious loot into more needy hands?”

‘I’m way ahead of you, boss,’ Anna Gram thought. Aloud she said, “I’d guess you had in mind the needy hands milking the charity for all it’s worth.”

“Absolutely, my amorous assistant,” Riddler replied, giggling. “Squeeze it until you’ve extracted the last delicious drop of wonderful wealth.” He leapt into the air and spun around, landing and convulsing helplessly. Anna Gram grinned as her private funds transfer completed. She scrolled through the charity’s assents and found another account to divert and moved the money into Riddler’s account.

“You’re piggy bank is about to be very well padded, lover. I promise,” she said, laughing. “After all, the more you steal, the bigger my share.”

“You’re so right,” Ridder dreamily agreed. They smiled at one another again and giggled. “Tonight’s thievery is just the beginning. The Greater Gotham Sporting Links Confederation is one of the richest not-for-profit organizations in town, and they exist to promote playing games.”

“This little game will soon be ours,” Anna Gram said, laughing, “along with its considerable spoils.”

The criminal couple’s mirth was suddenly interrupted by a high pitched noise and a flashing light. “What’s that?”

“It’s a proximity alarm,” Anna Gram replied, standing to turn off the security system. “Apparently, I didn’t shut everything down. The good news is all the intruders here tonight are with you, Riddler.”

Riddler’s men stepped into the room and approached. “Hi, boss,” Wilson said.

“We took care of the hostages,” Rawlings added, grinning.

“You clumsy idiots!” the Riddler raged, shaking his fists. “Don’t you pay any attention to alarms?”

“What alarms?” Rawlings asked.

“I just turned them off,” Anna Gram said.

“Did we trip them?” Wilson asked.

“You did! Never mind,” Riddler said, regarding the men crossly and folding his arms. “No real harm was done. Tell me about how you handled the hostages.”

“We did just what you said, boss,” Wilson said, spreading his hands and shrugging.

Riddler looked expectantly at Rawlings. “We took the girls where you told us and gave them a real thorough massage with the oil you gave us. Then we left them in the hot tub and ditched the ambulance.”

“Good work, boys,” Riddler praised, relaxing. “The oil you used on our guests will completely relax their muscles and keep them helpless. Unless we’re paid by my deadline, they’ll turn out like overcooked vegetables before they’re found.” Riddler giggled.

“Nobody is interested in our hostages’ minds, anyway,” Anna Gram said. “The download is finished.” She bent briefly over the keyboard, tapping the keys for a few more seconds before detaching a device from the computer’s port she offered her leader.

“What about the riddle?” he asked, taking the offered item from his attractive assistant.

“Watch,” the redheaded rogue instructed, tapping more keys. Seconds later, words appeared on every terminal screen in the room.

“’What can be driven, but has no wheels, or sliced while remaining whole?’” Wilson read aloud.

“I don’t know,” Rawlings admitted.

“Fortunately,” Anna Gram said, “the riddle isn’t for you. Is there anything else?”

“There might be one thing,” a new female voice said.

“Your surrender,” a second newcomer said.

The criminal quartet stared, slack jawed as a uniformed blonde woman entered the room, accompanied by a costumed redhead.

“I . . . don’t . . . believe . . . it!” Anna Gram said.

“This . . . can’t be . . . happening,” Riddler incredulously said. “You’re both . . . dead!”

“It’s Batgirl and the Lieutenant we saw at the courthouse and at the beach,” Wilson superfluously said.

“They both look alive enough to me!” Rawlings declared, panic-stricken.

“Neither of them is even a little damp, when they both should have drowned!” the henchwoman pointed out. "All that work we did on the showers at the beach house was useless!” She shrugged. “Oh well, all I did was turn everything on after the grunting and sweating was over.”

“Get them, boys,” Riddler said, “or else we’ll never make it to the finish line!”

Rawlings and Wilson stared as the two newcomers moved unhesitatingly toward them and slammed a fist each into their faces, knocking them down. The men regained their feet and launched counterattacks.

Rawlings advanced on Batgirl and attacked in an unconventional manner, shoving her back. Off balance, she took the brunt of a punishing attack and doubled over, gripping his collar instinctively. Her weight colliding with him made him retreat and she took advantage of his movement by placing a foot in his gut and sitting down, releasing him as he rose overhead. Rawlings flew across the room and landed with a crash.

Lieutenant Mooney went after Wilson, pummeling him with a quick series of combinations that wore down his defenses until she sent him sprawling with a side kick to the upper chest. The curvy combatants each seized the thug her partner had demolished and swung him toward the other. Seconds after each man was released, he slammed loudly into the other and collapsed, coming to rest with a satisfying smack.

“Now then, Riddler,” Batgirl began, “we’ve come for you.”

“We’re also quite impatient,” Lieutenant Mooney warned, glancing at Anna Gram, “and hoping for further, futile resistance.”

The Riddler sighed. “I know it seems impossible, but Batgirl has extricated herself from countless similar situations. Congratulations, ladies, on your survival.”

“You think we’re scared?” Anna Gram defiantly demanded. “I never believed resistance was useless or futile.”

“I think you’ll be leaving here in restraints, regardless,” Lieutenant Mooney replied. “The question is whether you’ll be conscious.”

“I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed,” Riddler said, recovering his wits and smiling as something wicked gleamed in his eye. “The other ladies we took from the beach, Dawn Morgan and Eva Knight, are seated in an uncomfortably hot whirlpool as we speak. Unless you let us go, they’ll be quite dead, long before anyone ever finds them.” Riddler giggled. “Female professional athletes wilt as easily as most other women, and as Batgirls should.”

“You foul fiend!” Batgirl raged. “It’s just like you to hide behind women!”

“I’m not so sure,” Lieutenant Mooney said. “We have four of you and only one question that needs to be answered. Batgirl is not strictly bound by the formal rules pertaining to police interrogations, and I’m inclined to look the other way, given that lives are at stake!”

“You’d have to wake up the men to question them,” Riddler argued. “Besides, you’d be running the risk of guaranteeing our release after you brought us in.”

“Lives are at stake, as I said, and your riddles give your crimes away routinely,” the Lieutenant pointed out. “The risk might just be worth it. Besides, taking you two apart will be so satisfying.”

“You’re just saying that because I’ve kicked your butt twice,” Anna Gram retorted.

“As for your comment about my modus operandi, I’ve explained before on many occasions: Crime is no fun without riddles,” Riddler said. “In fact, they’re why I got into this super-criminal game in the first place.”

“I think we should let them walk out of here,” Batgirl said, stepping aside.

Lieutenant Mooney glanced at her and saw her wink. “Maybe Batgirl is right. I heard about the lawsuit you filed against Batman years ago. I can wait a few minutes to catch you, if my career is at stake.”

“You ladies are very wise,” the Riddler said. “Come along, Anna. Let’s go!”

“What about the men?” the redhead asked.

“They stay,” Lieutenant Mooney said.

“Very well,” Riddler agreed. “No big loss, considering their pathetic performance.” He led his henchwoman from the room. Batgirl and the Lieutenant let the two criminals pass between them.

“Next time, Lieutenant,” Anna Gram said, over her shoulder before stepping out of sight. Diana Mooney stepped forward and halted as Batgirl’s hand fell on her shoulder.

“Now that they’re escaping, aren’t we duty bound to go get them?” Lieutenant Moony urged.

“I believe the circumstances now give us considerably wider latitude in questioning them,” Batgirl said, displaying a smile that never reached her eyes. The pretty pair hurried after the criminals.

Riddler and Anna Gram knew they would be pursued immediately and raced from the building. “Riddle me this, Anna,” Riddler said, as he opened the driver’s side door of their car. “Which of these fruits does not belong in this group: apples grapes, bananas, cherries, and pears?”

The redhead plopped into the passenger seat and slammed the door. “Do we have time for riddles right now, Riddler?”

“There is always time for a little riddle,” Riddler haughtily replied. “Besides, if you’d solve my riddle, we’d have more than enough time to escape.”

Anna Gram thought for a moment. “Well, of apples, grapes, bananas, cherries, and pears, the only fruit needing to be peeled before it’s eaten is a banana. We really should peel out of here! Batgirl and the lady cop are coming!”

“All of your observations are correct, my dear,” the Riddler said. “Before we go, I have something to confound our pretty pair of pursuers.” As he spoke, Riddler flung a yellow orb at the ground in front of Batgirl and the Lieutenant.

The orb shattered, spreading a viscous puddle in their path neither was able to dodge. They emerged from the puddle and slipped immediately, slamming to the pavement with a loud smack and a simultaneous, soft splash.

“You got them!” Anna Gram enthused. “What was that stuff?”

“Banana oil,” Riddle replied, giggling briefly and slipping behind the wheel.

“Is it flammable or anything?” the girl eagerly asked.

“No, Anna. If I’d realized Batgirl had survived, we might have arranged a more lethal reception for her. For now, we have to get moving.”

“What about the men?”

“If Batgirl behaves the way I believe she will, no attention need be paid to them.” Riddler giggled again and pulled onto the road as Anna Gram regarded him with concern etched on her pretty face.

“You’re planning something,” Riddler’s attractive assistant accused.

“I have another riddle for you, my dear. What kind of cheese is made backwards?”

“You can’t follow a recipe for cheese or anything else backwards without making a colossal mess,” Anna Gram declared. “Therefore, the answer is in the riddle.” She pondered her employer’s question for a long moment. “I’ve got it. The word ‘made’ backwards would be E-D-A-M.”

“Very good,” Riddler complimented.

Anna Gram laced her fingers behind her head and grinned at Riddler. “Cheese of any kind is the ideal means to attract mice. Batgirl, a flying mouse, is after us as we speak. I think your riddle suggests you’ve set something as bait to bring her to us.”

“Excellent, Anna,” Riddler said, nodding. “Go on.”

“Batgirl has a reason to find us quickly, but no idea where we’re going. The men, whom we left behind, know where you and I are going. So, they’ll tell her.”

“What if our pursuers thought beating the answers out of the boys would take too long?”

Anna Gram’s eyes sparkled as she responded. “They’ll leave the men alone and simply follow them right into out hands. You’re brilliant, Riddler. What will we do with them once they’ve walked into your trap?”

Riddler giggled maniacally for a long moment before explaining his plans for Batgirl’s destruction. Anna Gram was also laughing when his explanation had concluded.

“It didn’t take much, did it?” Lieutenant Diana Mooney sourly said later, wiping banana oil from her shoes.

“Riddler is a formidable foe,” Batgirl said. “Let’s get out of sight so we can get after him.”

“Why do you think the henchmen will lead us to Riddler?” the policewoman asked. “They might try to leave town.”

“It’s a little bit of a gamble, but if I’m wrong, we can always beat our answers out of them,” Batgirl said.

“You’re very practical,” Lieutenant Mooney said. “I also could lose my badge for participating in your plan.”

“I don’t think we’ll need to rough up Riddler’s men. The crooks’ plan is nowhere near paying off, and I’d imagine the men will stick with Riddler until they can collect their ill-gotten ‘earnings.’”

“Okay,” the Lieutenant agreed. “I just wish the goons would hurry up and lead us to their boss.”

“Well, if you wouldn’t have hit yours so hard . . . .”

Lieutenant Diana Mooney grinned. “You’re right, but I’m finding this case frustrating. Pounding those goons was a great way to relieve stress–-”

“Quiet,” Batgirl softly commanded. “They’re coming."

The pretty pair melted into a shadow.

The men climbed into a car and pulled away, followed by the Batgirlcycle and Lieutenant Mooney’s car. The latter vehicles followed without lights until they reached the main road, where they could follow less conspicuously. The chase led to a little-used gymnasium. The thugs’ pretty pursuers paused as the men went inside.

Batgirl pulled up behind Mooney’s car. The Lieutenant got out of her vehicle. “It looks like your plan worked.”

“Riddler has used this place before,” Batgirl said. “He hid out here when he arranged to fight Batman at Gotham Square Gardens. I think it’s been remodeled a few times since.”

“We’ll find out,” the policewoman predicted.

Batgirl nodded.

The door was locked, but a tool from Batgirl’s belt enabled the delectable detectives to slip inside. Aided by Batgirl’s tiny Batlight, they began searching the building. After about half an hour, Batgirl heard a soft sound from a lower floor as the endowed explorers paused in a stairwell. She pointed down and began descending once her companion nodded.

Batgirl and Lieutenant Mooney approached a centrally located step pyramid in the room behind the door at the foot of the stairs. They drew steadily closer to the nearest set of four pyramid steps and simultaneously realized the steam rising from the structure and the light illuminating it emanated from a whirlpool. Two bikini-clad women reclined in the water with their arms draped over the edge and their legs outstretched. Their positions kept them from sliding forward and deeper in, but their heads slumped against their chests suggested unconsciousness. The captives’ eyes were closed and they both seemed far too weak to move.

“Well, it seems we’ve found Riddler’s hostages,” Batgirl said.

“Dawn Morgan and Eva Knight,” Lieutenant Mooney said softly, horror-stricken. “What has that giggling monster done to them?!”

“It seems he left them to wilt some time ago,” Batgirl grimly replied. “Let’s put a stop to this villainy!”

The captives’ ravishing rescuers ascended the pyramid and took each woman by the armpits and dragged her from the steaming pool. Gently, Dawn Morgan and Eva Knight were lowered onto the steps, where Batgirl and Lieutenant Mooney bent over them, gently patting their cheeks.

Maniacal giggling caused the athletes’ rescuers to look up to see Riddler and Anna Gram entering the room through another door, flanked by Wilson and Rawlings. The men began moving toward the newcomers, hesitating for a split second as Riddler began speaking.

“To repeat an old axiom: ‘the finer the bait, the shorter the wait,’” the super villain said. “Now that you and your friend have arrived, Batgirl, I believe my men are eager to repay a few lumps. Get them, boys!”

Wilson and Rawlings approached the two women, who took seated positions on the side of the pyramid and drew their knees to their chests. As Riddler’s thugs reached them, they straightened their legs and slammed their heels into the henchmen, sending the goons sprawling.

As the men picked themselves up, Batgirl and Lieutenant Mooney stood and literally flung themselves at them. Batgirl’s feet hit Rawlings in the center of the chest and sent him sprawling once again. Lieutenant Mooney spun in midair and brought her heel into the side of Wilson’s head, cutting him down like a tree.

Wilson gasped and let his arms flail until he found his attacker’s legs. Gripping them, he pulled them from beneath the Lieutenant and loomed over her after she fell heavily to the floor.

Rawlings was not faring as well against Batgirl. He had sidestepped her showgirl high kick, but Batgirl surprised him, pivoting and turning her hip while retracting her leg before slamming her foot into the thug’s chest. Rawlings fell onto his back and stared open mouthed as Batgirl dropped a knee into the center of his chest.

Wilson reached down for Lieutenant Mooney and took her throat in his hands, bending over her and beginning to squeeze. The Lieutenant beat at his arms ineffectually and stared at his grinning face.

The Riddler raised an arm and leaned to one side as he watched Batgirl pursue and systematically dismantle Rawlings. He was aware of Anna Gram’s excitement as she watched Wilson abuse Lieutenant Mooney, but he was thinking ahead and he did not look at all happy. “Do you have your guns, dear?” the villain asked.

The redhead glanced at him and frowned. “No. They’re in the car. I didn’t think I’d need them at the charity. I thought I’d clean up the second gun I took of off the lady cop before I make those calls we talked about. I’ll get the guns, if you’d like.”

“You know, I had a more interesting fate in mind for Batgirl than bullets, anyway. Go to the control room and listen for my instructions.” Anna Gram hesitated. “Hurry!” Riddler urged. "Batgirl will have finished mopping the floor with the men soon.”

As Anna Gram retreated, Rawlings flew across the room and collided with Wilson to tear his hands away from Lieutenant Mooney’s throat. The voluptuous vigilante crossed the room and reached down to grip Wilson by the shirt and lift him, twisting the garment. She hit him in the face and let go, slamming her fists into his breadbasket with the force of firing pistons as he remained helplessly suspended in midair. The man doubled over and Batgirl’s foot caught him in the chin, straightening him once again. Batgirl spun and thrust a foot into the thug’s torso. He flew across the room and collided with Rawlings, who had regained his knees. The thugs hit the floor and remained still.

Batgirl knelt beside her friend. “Are you all right, Diana?”

“I’ll be okay in a minute,” she said, sitting up. “Where is Riddler?” A maniacal giggle beyond an open door answered her question. “Go get him, Batgirl! I’ll be right behind you.”

Batgirl charged through the door to discover a much narrower flight of stairs leading upward, enclosed by walls on either side. The heroine charged after her quarry.

Batgirl knew she was tiring after a few floors, but Riddler, who seemed to have limitless energy, was still ahead of her and had not stopped giggling or running. Angrily, Batgirl began covering multiple steps in single strides.

“I have a little riddle for you, Batgirl,” the villain announced once Batgirl caught sight of him. He was leaning against a door at the top of the current set of stairs. “You may need help with it. What happened to your friend?”

“I’m right here, Riddler,” Lieutenant Mooney said, stepping to the landing beside Batgirl. “You’re under arrest.”

“Come and get me,” Riddler invited. Batgirl mounted the stairs between the villain and his pretty pursuers. “Now, Anna!”

Suddenly, a decorative, metal screen fell between Batgirl and Lieutenant Mooney, trapping the Lieutenant on the landing below Batgirl and making the heroine whirl. Both women examined the screen, which depicted blazing suns, crescent moons, stars, and ringed planets all framed by metal squares. “What’s happening?” Batgirl demanded.

“I’m about to persuade you to surrender your utility belt,” Riddler said.

“I very much doubt it,” Batgirl said.

“It’s your decision, of course,” Riddler said, shrugging. “I think Anna has a few pointers for your friend, though.” As Riddler spoke, spikes emerged from the wall behind Lieutenant Mooney with an ominous click, and a mechanical hum began moving the spiked wall forward. Riddler giggled. “Unless you surrender your belt, the lovely Lieutenant will get my point in spades.”

“Never mind what happens to me, Batgirl! Just make sure Riddler and his girl pay for murdering me!” the Lieutenant cried.

Batgirl stood speechless and transfixed as the spikes approached her friend. Diana Mooney pressed herself against the metal wall of her prison.

“It won’t take long,” Riddler predicted, giggling. “Just a few more seconds and it will all be over for the lady cop. She’ll find the end quite piercing and there is only one thing Batgirl can do to stop it.”

“We’ll see about that!” Batgirl declared, hurrying up the stairs.

“Wait, Batgirl!” Riddler advised. “Your friend doesn’t have time for you to be hasty.”

“Don’t worry about me, Batgirl,” Lieutenant Mooney repeated. “Just get him!”

The stairs upon which Batgirl stood clicked to form a forty five degree slope and the heroine fell to her knees. Batgirl could not easily judge the closeness of the spikes to her friend. “I’m waiting, Batgirl,” Riddler said, giggling.

“Sorry, Diana,” Batgirl replied, removing her belt and tossing it to Riddler, who extended an expectant hand, with which he had been beating his thighs. “I wasn’t given anything like a good enough reason to let you sacrifice yourself.” The spiked wall stopped.

“Tell Ms. Gram to retract the spikes,” Batgirl said. “You obviously have both of us where you want us.”

“No, that’s not true. You’re not in your graves yet,” Riddler replied, “but you did do as you were told. So . . .” Riddler made a dismissive gesture and the spikes retracted.

Batgirl straightened and was suddenly advancing rapidly on the villain.

“Before you take another step, Batgirl,” the Riddler began, retreating, “riddle me this: If you’re walking, then I must be running. However, if I'm running, you may be walking. What am I?”

“I don’t have time for your riddles, Riddler!” Batgirl said, clearly annoyed. “I’m going to place you under arrest and put an end to all of your villainous nonsense!”

“I rather doubt that,” Riddler said.

Suddenly, the slope upon which Batgirl stood began moving downward. Her outstretched arms slammed against the stair railings as she fell. The railings moved in tandem with the floor!

Batgirl regained her feet and began to stride toward the Riddler. The speed of the slope beneath her feet seemed to adjust to her pace and she found it necessary to walk rapidly just to maintain her position.

“I’ve got it!” Lieutenant Mooney exclaimed.

“What?” Batgirl asked.

“The answer to the riddle,” she said, repeating, “‘If you’re walking, then I must be running. However if I'm running, you may be walking.’ To walk on a treadmill, it must be running, and if a treadmill is running, one could walk on it. The answer is a treadmill.”

“Very good,” Riddler complimented. “Since you’re still with us and showing some promise, I have two more riddles for you ladies to ponder before I go.”

“The only place you’re going, Riddler, is back to jail,” Lieutenant Mooney replied.

“As soon as we catch you,’ Batgirl added.

“You have more important concerns, Batgirl,” Riddler shot back. “First, however, ponder this question: I’m a wee wee man in a red coat, with a staff in my hand and a stone in my throat. What am I?”

“I told you, I don’t have time for any more of your riddles!” Batgirl yelled.

“You do have much bigger concerns, Batgirl,” Riddler replied, “I agree. Perhaps the Lieutenant can solve another of my clues for you. Now, it dies half its life, but lives the rest, and dances without music while breathing without breath. What is it?”

“She’s right, Riddler,” Lieutenant Mooney said. “You won’t escape in the end.”

“I think Batgirl needs to be more concerned about escaping herself, as you’re about to see!” As Riddler spoke, the suns, moons, stars, and ringed planet shapes on the metal screen between the women turned perpendicular to the screen and began spinning rapidly.

Lieutenant Mooney stepped back, away from the spinning shapes. “You’re wise to keep your distance, Lieutenant. Unfortunately, Batgirl won’t be able to do so forever. She’ll tire as her workout goes on and on and on . . . and when she loses her balance, the conveyor will draw her back into those spinning, razor-sharp shapes!” Riddler paused to giggle and convulse helplessly. “You’ll have an up-close, exclusively personal view as her body is cut to pieces!”

“Fiend!” the Lieutenant cried.

“You will never get away with this.” Batgirl cried.

“I do wish I could stay and enjoy your demise, but I have two beautiful hostages I have to get back to threatening and another fortune to collect. The Lieutenant will keep you company. Now, Batgirl,” Riddler said, “run for your life!”

The moving track beneath Batgirl grew faster and she was forced to increase her pace. As her tiring muscles worked, she said nothing.

The Riddler opened the door beside him and stepped through, pausing to face his victims. “Oh, I’ll hang your belt on this doorknob. There may be something here that could save you, if only you could reach it before your time on Earth runs out. Goodbye, ladies.” He vanished through the door and closed it gently so the belt remained dangling from the knob, well out of Batgirl’s reach.

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