– FOR THE WORST IS YET TO COME!

In Distant Lands

Batgirl looked at the timer. She would need to escape within fifty-eight minutes if she was to cheat death yet one more time.

The heroine also saw on the small monitor that the mere act of turning her head towards the timer caused the pressure on the weight-sensitive trigger under her shoulders to decrease by one-third of a pound as her postural muscles activated. Eleven less ounces of weight on it and the trap would have been sprung!

‘Catwoman wasn’t kidding,’ Batgirl thought. ‘I’m going to have to be very careful every time I move.’

Batgirl knew she would have to overcome the fear of springing the trap.

‘Moving is the only way I can escape. I have no choice!’

Her margin for error was very small indeed. Batgirl pushed all the negative thoughts from her mind and concentrated on what needed to be done.

The first step in escaping would be to cut through the ropes. With her arms tied to her sides, she couldn’t reach the blades in her gloves. She would have to get a blade from her utility belt.

It took twenty-five minutes of slowly wriggling and stretching her fingers and wrists before she managed to generate a little slack. After that, though, it took the accomplished escape artist only another five minutes to free both of her hands.

The compartment on Batgirl’s utility belt containing a knife was just three and a half inches away. She moved her left hand very slowly towards her target.

Despite her caution, the pressure gauge moved . . .

5 ounces

10 ounces!

12 ounces!!

14 ounces!!!

‘I can’t reach my belt without springing the trap!’

She returned her arm to their resting position. The Dominoed Daredoll would have to think of another way out of this one.

‘Catwoman said if the pressure gauge detected a one pound decrease in pressure, it would spring the trap. She didn’t say anything about a pressure increase!

‘I’ve got to risk it. I don’t see any other possibility and I’m running out of time!’

Tentatively, the Svelte Sentinel pushed her body back and down onto the pressure plate. She watched as the pressure rose and felt her heart racing.

The gauge on the monitor read:

5 ounces

10 ounces

15 ounces!

1 pound!!

1 pound, 4 ounces!!!

The trap was still set!!!!

Pressing her shoulders into the trap’s surface, she was able to reach her utility belt. The Dark Knight Damsel had to rest her shoulders for a bit before pressing down again, but shortly thereafter she was able to open the compartment and retrieve a knife. She then cut through the ropes that were pinning her arms to her sides.

If Batgirl could get her legs free, all she would have to do would be to execute a simple shoulder-stand. Her body would be above the deadly metal when the trap snapped shut.

Batgirl then realised she had a problem. She couldn’t reach down to cut the ropes binding her legs without triggering the pressure detector.

There were just twelve minutes left. If she was going to free herself, she would have to do so lying down.

Gotham’s Dark Angel ruled out the using the laser beam in her electronic Batgirl compact. She wouldn’t be able to see where she was aiming and she was quite attached to her shapely legs. In addition, she couldn’t risk touching the metallic frame, which eliminated sabotaging the spring.

‘I can’t get free,’ the Caped Cutie thought. ‘Is this it? I have my utility belt and all its gadgets, but what good are they if I can’t use them? Catwoman wanted me to feel this anguish!’

The thought of her long-time foe snapped her out of her momentary despair. As she cautiously looked around the room, there was nothing . . . except the close-by monitor, the video camera designed to capture her final moments, the wooden chair to which Lieutenant Mooney had been tied . . . and a sprinkler system on the ceiling!

‘If I can’t get free and I can’t disable the trap, then my only chance is to lessen the force of the blow!’

It took Batgirl several minutes to extract the right tools from her utility belt. First, the Svelte Sentinel pulled out a super-compact, deflated, life-raft from its water-tight compartment.

The raft would inflate automatically one to two seconds after being submersed in water. This would occur by means of a water-soluable cellulose pill inserted into a carbon dioxide cannister.

Batgirl positioned the compressed raft in the space between her breasts. Then she removed a tiny flare-gun from her belt.

She briefly considered shooting directly at the sprinkler head, but with only one shot available, she decided upon a less risky course of action. Maintaining the downward pressure on the metal plate, she held the flare gun in her right hand and carefully aimed at the wooden chair.

Batgirl fired.

The flare hit the chair and knocked it over, but the intense heat caused the ropes on the chair to ignite. Soon after that, the chair itself caught fire.

Batgirl looked at the clock on the monitor. ‘Just two minutes left!’

The fire continued to grow and smoke drifted up, however, to Batgirl’s chagrin, the sprinklers didn’t activate until forty seconds later. Then the water began to shower upon her.

Agonizingly slowly, the space between her breasts began to fill with water. Batgirl tried to help the process along by pulling her sternum in while sticking out her breasts. ‘Only a minute to go!’

The raft still refused to inflate! Batgirl was soaked to the skin as the countdown reached its final stages . . .

30 seconds

15

10

5!

WHOOSH!

The raft inflated just as the trap activated!

SMACK!!!

Batgirl passed out.

She awoke moments later, sore, but glad to be alive. After a quick examination of her ribs, she concluded she had escaped with only a severe bruising. With the danger past and water dripping off her body from the continuing shower, she sat up and cut her legs free.

Batgirl removed the disc from the camera for evidence. She then hesitated. Showing her father the video might have ramifications for her crimefighting career. Knowing that his little girl was risking her life was bad enough, but actually seeing her in danger on television was something entirely different.

‘Perhaps I won’t need the video. I’ll only turn over the disc if I can’t get some other evidence.’

After a fruitless search for further clues and after drying off the best she could, Batgirl made her way out of the industrial building. It didn’t take long for the Caped Crimefightress to flag down a ride back to Thirteen Nine Lives Lane and the Batgirlcyle. Although the wet lurex sagged badly around her knees, it clung even more tightly than usual to her chest.

Another search verified that Catwoman and Eenie had abandoned the hideout, leaving nothing of interest behind. Returning to her apartment, Barbara sank into a hot bath, seasoned with some rosemary and lavender oil to accelerate the healing process, before hopping into bed.

After a disappointing performance at the Australian Open (‘That darn Serena beat me again!’), Betty Kane decided to take an on-line course in Entomology. Unlike the stereotypical female, Betty had always been fascinated by insects.

The young woman found immersing herself in the subject of their biology a welcome diversion from the pressures of the women’s professional tennis tour. In addition, to her the tremendous variety of insects that had been shaped by evolution was endlessly interesting.

On a previous visit to the Gotham City Library, Barbara Gordon, the chief librarian, had showed her where to find the books for which she was looking. The brunette bibliophile, some ten years older than the blonde Betty, even suggested a few more of which she was unaware. She took an immediate shine to Barbara and Barbara was impressed by the 22 year-old athlete’s work ethic and good manners.

Neither realized they had worked together as Batgirl and Flamebird.

Today Barbara had returned to work at the library, even though she was consumed with worry about Diana Mooney. Batgirl had no leads to pursue. She consoled herself with the belief that Catwoman wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble to convert the lieutenant into the evil Catarina if the Princess of Plunder was planning to harm the policewoman.

‘At least not yet, anyway.’

At the end of the day, Betty approached Barbara.

“Excuse me, Ms. Gordon. One of the books I’m looking for is overdue. Has it come in this afternoon?”

“What is the book called?" Barbara asked.

Betty handed her an index card with the title written on it. “Insects of Egypt,” Barbara read aloud.

After not finding the book in the return trolleys, Barbara looked it up on the computer.

“I’m sorry, Betty. The book hasn’t been returned. It is four days overdue and was last checked out by–"

The words got stuck in Barbara’s throat. Finally, she managed to get them out.

“– someone called Eenie.”

That set off alarm bells in both of their heads.

“I’ll print out a reminder and send it to her at once,” Barbara said. She thought, ‘I’ll visit this address later tonight as Batgirl. Just maybe, Eenie was careless enough to give her real address!’

As Barbara left to get the printout, Betty noted the address on the computer screen.

111 Cat Alley
Apartment 120

“Thank you, Ms. Gordon,” Betty called before heading for Networld.

Shortly thereafter, Betty entered Kathy Kane’s office. She informed her aunt about the latest development.

“Well, an overdue library book isn’t a criminal offence, but Eenie was involved in Lieutenant Mooney’s abduction. I think we should check out just who's in Apartment 120 at 111 Cat Alley!”

The two heroines took Katherine Kane’s private elevator to a secret basement underneath the Networld building. Before transformed themselves into the Distaff Duo, they electronically summoned the Bat-Gyros to Networld’s roof.

The sun had set by the time they landed on the roof of a building adjacent to 111 Cat Alley. They swung to the ground and cautiously approached the apartment building next door.

They quickly located what they hoped was really Eenie’s apartment. Batwoman’s lock pick granted them access to the one bedroom flat. It was deserted, so they decided to search for clues.

“Find anything?” Batwoman asked.

“There is a message on the answering machine,” Flamebird replied. “Do you think we should play it?”

“Absolutely,” a third voice said.

“Batgirl!” Flamebird cried. Although her aunt was her crimefighting mentor, the Goggled Gal was always excited to team-up with Gotham City’s most experienced female costumed heroine.

“Hello, Batgirl,” said Batwoman.

Batgirl took the opportunity to fill them in on her most recent encounter with Catwoman. She also related what the Feline Fiend had done to Lieutenant Mooney.

“That’s diabolical!” Flamebird pronounced. The young heroine vividly recalled her own exposure to Cataphrenic. “But maybe this message will shed some light.” She pressed ‘play.’

“Meeoww.” The voice on the machine was the blonde Catwoman. It purred and continued. “I have an errand for you to run, Eenie.

“King Tut has located a complete copy of the Bastet manuscript. It is at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee’s library. You are to retrieve it, while Catarina and I prepare to finish off the Distaff Duo here at the alternate Cat Lair. Bring the manuscript to the rendezvous point in Death Valley, Arizona."

Batgirl spied a note pad beside the phone and promptly pulled out her Bat-scanner. It revealed a scribbled address:
666 Pussy Willow Place.

“What is that?” Batwoman asked.

“Oh, that’s my Bat-scanner,” Batgirl replied. “The New Zealand police gave it to me when I was helping them.”

“It’s ingenious!” Flamebird exclaimed.

“Yes, it is rather impressive,” Batwoman added.

Batwoman continued. “Well, if Catwoman wants to pick a fight with us, I’d hate to disappoint her. It’s a good bet that address is Catwoman’s latest hideout. Flamebird and I can go after her while you track down Eenie.”

“We can communicate through the Commissioner’s office,” the Girl Wonder suggested.

Batgirl’s first instinct was to object to the Distaff Duo going after Catwoman, but she had come to appreciate Batwoman and Flamebird’s talents. In addition, they would have Batman and Robin, not to mention the GCPD, available to back them up.

‘I’m used to fighting crime away from Gotham City,' Batgirl thought. 'Also, it would be hard for me to be objective when facing Diana as Catarina. Besides, I’ve got a score to settle with Eenie.’

“Sounds good to me,” Batgirl replied, before racing outside to her Batgirlcycle.

‘A thousand miles is a long way to ride, but I'll want to have the Batgirlcycle with me. Riding will be faster -- and cheaper! -- than shipping my bike to Milwaukee.’

Motorists heading west on the interstate were in for a delightful sight.

Meanwhile, using Eenie’s telephone, Flamebird relayed the recent events to the Commissioner’s office, before joining Batwoman at the Bat-Gyros. Just over five minutes later, the Bat-Gyros hovered over 666 Pussy Willow Place, which had once housed Pussycat’s failed recording studio.

Setting their Bat-Gyros down behind an adjacent building, the two crimefighters made their way towards Catwoman’s hideout. They entered through a broken window and made their way down a central aisle.

They crept down a corridor towards the only lighted room. Beyond a half-opened door, they could hear Catwoman talking to Catarina.

“Is the anti-Bat surveillance system in place?” asked the self-proclaimed Queen of Criminals.

“Yes, Catwoman. I just need to connect the power,” Catarina replied.

The newest of Catwoman’s henchkittens pressed a switch on the wall. “Now we’ll be able to see them coming.

“What’s the next move, boss?”

“We’ll have to lead the Distaff Duo into our little trap before we can eliminate them,” she announced.

Batwoman had heard enough. She motioned to Flamebird and they both stepped out of the shadows and into the room.

“You didn’t see us coming and you won’t eliminate us, either,” Batwoman stated. “We are taking you in.”

“How did–?” Catwoman started to say. “Well, it doesn’t matter.” She looked the two colourfully-clad women up and down. When she was In Tara’s body, Catwoman was almost half a foot shorter than Batwoman, but Selina Kyle was a couple of inches taller than the heroine.

Catwoman leaned against the wall and regarded the Distaff Duo through half-closed eyes. “And if we refuse to come?”

“Then we’ll have to use force,” Flamebird stated.

“Well, then. There’s nothing left to say except . . . get them!” Catwoman yelled.

The Princess of Plunder moved away from the wall to recline on a tiger-skin sofa with several leopard-skin pillows to watch the fight.

“I’ll take her!” Flamebird announced, stepping forward to face her former colleague.

“You’re all mine, little birdie,” Catarina taunted.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Lieutenant.”

“Well, I don’t have any reservations about hurting you!” the former good girl announced as she launched a kick at Flamebird’s mid-section. The kick didn’t land full force, but it did push Flamebird back.

The attack made the Girl Wonder realise she would have to fight Catarina just as if the brainwashed policewoman was any other bad girl.

As Catarina tried a follow-up kick, Flamebird ducked and swept the henchkitten’s plant foot out from underneath her.

Despite being smaller than Catarina, Flamebird was clearly the better fighter. As the fight continued, she landed many more blows than her opponent. Catarina lunged wildly at Flamebird, who stepped behind Diana and applied a sleeper hold. She maintained the hold until Catarina passed out.

She put Bat-cuffs on Lieutenant Mooney, before stepping forward with her mentor to face Catwoman. The Queen of Crime was looking a little miffed and was still lying down as the virtuous duo approached.

They stopped five feet away and put their hands on their hips. That was for what Catwoman had been waiting. She pressed a remote control obscured from the costumed crimefighters by one of her pillows.

A cylinder of glass, about eight feet in diameter, descended from the ceiling, trapping the Distaff Duo! Flamebird tried to push the glass back up, but it wouldn’t budge. Batwoman also was not getting anywhere throwing herself against the walls of their prison.

“This glass is fireproof, bulletproof, and Bat-proof. You’re not going anywhere,” Catwoman said smugly.

“When we get out of here, we’ll make sure you do time for all the crimes you’ve committed!” Flamebird yelled in frustration.

“In that case, I’ll have to arrange for your stay here to be purr-manent.”

Catarina regained consciousness and went to stand by her boss, who was able to quickly remove the cuffs with a lock pick. The pair then smiled at the imprisoned investigators.

“Have either of you ladies thought about making a record?” Catwoman asked.

“Get with the program, lady! Records are virtually obsolete. Haven’t you ever heard of a CD?” Flamebird asked patronisingly.

Catwoman pressed another button on the remote. “Mock me at your peril, baby bird.”

The ground underneath the Distaff Duo suddenly started spinning, pitching both of them off-balance. They quickly recovered their equilibria. “We’re on a . . . giant turntable!” Batwoman observed.

Suddenly the turntable started to rotate faster.

“That’s right, Batbroad, and I can control the turntable’s speed.”

“I can make it go slower,” she said, pressing another button, reducing the speed, “or much faster.” She pressed yet another button. The speed increased dramatically.

“Sock it to them, boss!” Catarina hollered. “After all, one good turn deserves another!”

The high speed was too much for Flamebird. She lost her balance and was unable to regain her feet. She lay on the turntable, pushed against the glass, helpless to prevent herself from becoming severely dizzy.

Batwoman, however, managed to adjust, but she knew she couldn’t keep upright for long.

“Or . . . I can even change the direction.” Catwoman pressed another button and the turntable started spinning in the opposite direction. Batwoman was pitched off-balance and before she could react, Catwoman pressed several buttons in quick succession.

Batwoman bounced off the glass wall and lost her footing as well.

Soon, she, too, was hopelessly dizzy. They were so dizzy that when Catwoman stopped the turntable, they felt as if they were still spinning.

Another button raised the glass wall. They saw Catwoman approach, holding a white cloth in each hand.

“To show you what a good sport I am, I’ll give you twenty seconds to recover before I apply the Catatonic.”

“That’s… not … sporting,” Batwoman remarked with considerable effort. “W.. we will need much more time to recover.”

“Oh, I know, but I just love playing cat and mouse.” Catwoman laughed as twenty seconds later she pressed a cloth over each heroine's face.

Soon their dizziness was replaced by velvety oblivion.

Sometime later, Batwoman stirred. She was lying on a hard, flat surface. When she tried to move, she quickly discovered she had been immobilized with a powerful adhesive. Her arms were by her sides and her Bat-kit had been removed.

Lifting her head a couple of inches was all the movement she could manage. That tiny movement, however, allowed her to see that she was lying on a giant record, roughly ten feet across. She could not see or hear her partner.

“Flamebird, where are you?!” she called.

Batwoman’s voice roused her niece. ”Over here,” she responded groggily. Flamebird’s voice sounded very close. “I’m okay, but I’ve been . . . glued to something.”

“You won’t be okay much longer,” a familiar voice replied. Catwoman and Catarina entered the room.

“Catwoman!” the Distaff Duo said as one.

“In the adorable fur,” she smugly proclaimed.

“You won’t win,” Batwoman announced.

“Yeah, we’ve foiled every trap you arch-criminals have ever devised for us,” Flamebird continued, “so you might as well let us go and turn yourselves in.”

“You’re not in any position to tell us what to do,” Catarina said, grinning. “You’ll soon be mincemeat.”

“Actually, they have a point,” Catwoman remarked. “What use is it putting them in another trap if they’ll just escape and arrest us later? We might as well release them.”

Catarina looked shocked at her leader’s statement.

“That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said all day. Surrender peacefully and I’ll testify on your behalf,” Batwoman replied.

“Yes, I’ll release you,” she said softly, "… as a special edition album entitled The Death of the Distaff Duo!”

“Very funny,” Flamebird said disgustedly.

“Wow, you had me worried there for a minute, boss,” said Catarina.

“Never fear, Catarina my dear. Catwoman is always in control.”

The Feline Felon returned her attention to Batwoman. “You’ve no doubt noticed you are glued to a giant record, but what you don’t know is that I’ve replaced the needle with one of my trademark razor-sharp cat claws. It will take a few minutes to reach you, but when it does, you’ll have a much bigger problem than a scratched record.”

“You’re sick!” Batwoman vented.

“Good one, boss,” Catarina said.

“And as for you,” the Princess of Plunder said, turning her attention to Flamebird, “I’ll have you know that Catwoman is a master of both new and old recording technology. Seconds after Batwoman’s death is recorded on classic vinyl, a powerful laser will literally burn you into that CD to which you are glued.”

“If you were really up-to-date,” Flamebird shouted with as much defiance as she could manage, “you would get an I-pod and download music like everybody else!”

Catwoman ignored the outburst. “With you two out of the way, there will be no one to stop me. I’ve already disposed of Batgirl and King Tut has eliminated the Dynamic Duo.”

The two captive heroines didn’t inform Catwoman that Batgirl was still alive and well. Her not knowing that might afford their friend an advantage at a later date. They both also were confident Batman and Robin could escape any trap Tut had laid for Gotham City’s male costumed heroes.

Catwoman contintued. “Also, killing you will reinforce my place as Gotham’s premier arch-criminal . . . but the best part is, every villain you’ve ever put away will be happy to pay big bucks to hear your eagerly-awaited debut album!

“Bye-bye . . . forever,” she concluded, pressing the power switch and activating the record player. Then, with her smiling minion in tow, she made her exit.

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