SAD TO SAY, LITTLE HAS CHANGED . . .
EXCEPT BATGIRL HAS TRAVELED HALFWAY TO HER DOOM!
Batgirl was ten feet from the grinders. Catwoman looked on, a bit disappointedly.
“I hadn’t thought about her not being able to struggle. This isn’t as entertaining as I had hoped.” The villainess ran her hands down her sides. “Besides, she might spray blood all over my gorgeous self.”
Catwoman reached a decision. "Come along, boys. Let's leave Batgirrrl to die in private. We'll come back later and feed my cats. Ha! Ha!!''
The Princess of Plunder and her henchmen, Morris and Felix, took their leave. Batgirl, still suffering from the effects of Catwoman’s newest drug, could only stare straight up, as the belt conveyed her closer and closer to the merciless teeth of the grinding machine.
In less than two minutes, Batgirl’s cowl was no more than a foot from the unrelenting, whirring metal. There was nothing she could do to save herself . . . absolutely nothing. Unable to move, she was completely helpless.
‘This is it. This time I’m really going to die.’ She took some solace in the thought that either the Dynamic or Distaff Duos would avenge her death.
Resignation was mixed with horror. ‘I wonder if Catwoman’s drug will dull the pain? God, I hope so!’
Batgirl could feel the breeze from the spinning blades. At this distance, the noise was almost deafening.
She wished she could at least close her eyes . . .
Suddenly, she felt a jolt –
The conveyer belt had stopped!
The face of Chief O’Hara came into view. At that moment, Batgirl earnestly thought he was the most handsome man she had ever seen.
The grinding machine clattered to a halt. O’Hara bent and put a hand under her.
“Batgirl, are you alright?” When the Caped Crimefightress didn’t respond, the Chief continued, “What did that she-devil do to you?”
Batgirl struggled to speak, to allay the fears of her rescuer. “D-d . . . d . . . r . . . ug,”she managed to say.
“That hell cat!” O’Hara said disgustedly. He helped Batgirl achieve a sitting position on the conveyer belt. Officer Goldberg and several other policemen crowded around them.
Outside, dawn had broken. Diffused light streamed into the old factory.
Soon, Batgirl recovered the power of speech. “How– how did you know I was in trouble, Chief?"
Relief washed over O’Hara’s face. “Remember when you left the Museum of Modern Art? We followed you and staked out this place. When we saw Catwoman and her men leave here laughing, I figured you might need help. We let them go, so they wouldn’t try to come back in and use you as a hostage.”
"You got here just in time,” Batgirl said, “another second and I would have been cat food.”
O’Hara smiled down at her, beaming.
“Did you have someone follow them?” Batgirl asked.
All color drained from the Chief’s face. “Begorra! I didn’t think of that!”
“Well, don’t worry about it, Chief.” Slowly regaining the ability to move, Batgirl leaned over and gave O’Hara a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. That’s for saving my life.”
Instantly, all of the other policemen pushed forward, clamoring for their reward, too.
“Sorry, boys,” said Batgirl, disappointing the men. “Now we have to find Catwoman."
O’Hara, his face bright red because of the kiss, asked, “Do you have any idea where she might be headin'?”
Batgirl put her right thumb and index finger under her chin. “One possible target today is the Meow Mix Gold Medal Games, a competition to select the nation’s top cat lover. It’s a natural for Catwoman . . . but I’m not sure what she’d steal there . . .” Batgirl snapped her fingers. “. . . unless she intends to kidnap gymnast Kerri Strug, who’s one of the judges, for ransom!”
“I don’t know, Batgirl,” interjected Officer Goldberg. “I heard one of her men say something about going fishing?”
“That’s it!” declared Batgirl. “Today, at the Gotham City Aquarium, specimens of a previously unknown species, recently discovered in the Bermuda Triangle, are going on display.”
“What kind of specimens?” the Chief wanted to know.
“Twelve foot long, saltwater, carnivorous catfish!"
“You’ve done it again, Batgirl!” O’Hara praised.
“Chief, I’d like another chance to capture Catwoman.”
O’Hara nodded knowingly. “We’ll give you fifteen minutes, Batgirl. Then we’re coming in.”
''Okay, Chief, that’s a deal." Batgirl sprinted to and mounted her Batgirlcycle; then roared off into the sunrise.
“Alright, men!” shouted O’Hara. “To the aquarium!”
At the yet-to-open for the day aquarium, Catwoman and her men broke in and found the exotic catfish. Morris looked in the tank, whistled and said “Those are big fish!!''
“Yes, they are,” agreed Catwoman, “and they are rrrare . . . and worth a fortune! They’re going to cost someone a lot of money--”
“. . . but you won’t be collecting it, Catwoman!” Batgirl said as she sprung into view, hands on hips. ''Not from where you’re going . . . and that is jail!''
Catwoman gaped open-mouthed at the caped heroine. Finally, she managed to say, “Batgirl! I can’t believe it!! How did you manage to escape the grinders?!”
Batgirl just smiled back at her.
“Never mind,” the Feline Felon concluded. “I guess I rrreally shouldn’t be surprised.” She turned to Morris and Felix. “Men, let’s try this again. Get herrr!”
Felix went at Batgirl. She kicked him showgirl-style and he flew back. Unfortunately, a wave of nausea suddenly washed over Batgirl. She was dismayed to discover how lethargic she was. The effects of Catwoman’s drug had not entirely worn off!
Morris sneaked up behind the slow-moving Batgirl and grabbed her around the waist. Felix got up and grabbed Batgirl's left arm and Morris shifted his grip to her other arm.
“Not quite up to speed, eh, Batgirrrl?” Catwoman observed. “Okay, boys. Feed her to the catfish!!"
The two men each grabbed a leg and they carried her over the single chain that barred the way to the black-colored stairway to the top of the tank. Batgirl struggled frantically, but ineffectually, as the pair took her up the steps.
“Have a good swim, Batgirl!” Catwoman called. "I guess you’ll be feeding the fish instead of my cats!"
The two men smiled as they reached the top. The flesh-eating fish came near the top of the seawater, sensing they were about to be fed. Morris and Felix began to swing Batgirl, preparing to pitch her into the tank.
Suddenly, Morris started to shake! Letting go of Batgirl’s limbs, he fell to the platform at the top of the stairs.
Batgirl pulled free of Felix, spun and kicked him down the stairs.
“What’s going on up there?!” Catwoman screamed.
Batgirl flashed a small taser gun she held in her right hand. “I’m sure Vixen told you all about my static pistol. I don’t like using it, but this was an emergency. You see, Morris let go of me for just a split second. That gave me the chance to get this out of my utility belt and into my palm. I zapped him with it.”
Catwoman stared up at her rival and hissed angrily.
“Now, Catwoman, finally, you are under arrest!"
“Come down here and say that, Batgirl!” taunted Catwoman as she started to make for the exit.
Batgirl affixed one end of her Bat-rope to the railing at the top of the stairs and prepared to swing down upon her adversary. The second she did so, however, Catwoman instantly reversed course, leapt over the prostrate Felix who was tangled in the chain, and bounded up the stairs two at a time, towards the top of the tank.
As soon as Batgirl’s boots touched on the floor, she quickly turned to look back up at her retreating quarry. “There’s no escape for you up there, Catwoman!”
“You think not, Batgirrrl?” Catwoman had reached the feeding platform at the top of the tank. “Out of my way, fool!” she shouted at Morris as she pushed him aside.
Catwoman stood at the edge of the tank and laughed at Batgirl as the heroine charged up the stairs. "See you next time, Batgirl!" She jumped into the water!
Batgirl heard a scream and ran to the top of the stairs. Morris was at the railing, looking in after his mistress. Standing next to him, all Batgirl could see was blood and the oceanic catfish swimming around near the surface.
Batgirl and Morris stood there together in silence for at least three minutes, watching and waiting. Finally, a single Cat-boot bobbed to the surface.
Morris’s breath caught in his throat. The boot sank back down . . .
Morris didn’t seem to realize that less than five minutes ago, he was trying to assign Batgirl to the same fate. “Do you think she’s dead, Batgirl?”
"I don’t know,” Batgirl answered honestly. “I really don’t know.
“Come on,” Batgirl said grimly as she grabbed the henchman by the arm. He meekly allowed himself to be led down the metal steps.
At that moment, O’Hara, Goldberg and the rest of the police arrived. They collected Felix and Batgirl handed Morris to Goldberg. "Where's Catwoman?" asked O’Hara.
From the bottom, the water was practically opaque, so much sand and silt had been stirred up. Batgirl stared into the murk solemnly. "She jumped into the tank rather than be caught. I think the catfish ate her.”
“Do you think so, Batgirl?” asked O’Hara skeptically as he, too, looked into the water. “After all, she’s escaped what seemed to be certain death at least twice before.”
‘Maybe she has a proclivity for escaping deathtraps, as well,’ thought Batgirl as she turned to look at O’Hara. What she said was, “We’ll see, Chief. I never believed it, but maybe she really does have nine lives.”
''We’ll have this tank drained and see if we can find out fer sure. For now, though, let’s get you out of here, in case any of our friends in the press were scanning the police channel early this fine mornin’.” O’Hara put a fatherly arm over Batgirl’s shoulder and they walked out of the aquarium together.