Jerry- god please help us make this show a success, let us entertain and uplift.

Qt- and may it be i will and that i get busy with all the bumbass ladies in the house...

Mickey- dont be asking the man that!

Qt- i thought you were the man?

Mickey- im the man, but he's the man.

Doug- lord, i'm not asking for any special attention but during the urban number, let me breakdance as awesomily as your only son would break dance.

Jerry-amen

All 4-amen (break apart)

Qt- where's chad?

Doug- he's with heather, he'll make it.

Mickey- boys fallin' hard for that chick yo, his brain's gone mush.

Jerry- he's in love, one day you'll understand.

Mickey-what? You think mickey parke's not sensitive? Im sensitive as a bitch!

Heather- im sorry chad, i've been wanting to tell you for a while but, i had to find the right moment.

Worker- 20 seconds chad...

Heather-i'm not saying its over (chads face lights up) i'm just saying we should see other people and not see eachother anymore k? (chad is sad and walks towards the stage)

Doug- chad? Come on! (chad is very sad, he runs toward the stage)

All-singing- girl the way you do me (do me do me do me do me)

Mickey- heeeyyy, oooohhhooohhhooohhooh)

All- girl the way you do me (do me do me do me do me)

Mickey- heeyy, ooooohh ooohhhhhh oohh

Jerry- girl my heads on fire since our very 1st kiss, dreamed of us

Doug- or maybe it’s your bra...

All- girl the way you do me, makes me say wassup, when your finished i'm on the floor feeling down feeling up,( mickey repeats) girl the way you do me, driving me insane, i never felt this way before...

mickey- i tell yah how i'm feeling there's no where to begin... I'm one out of a million and then kissing filled in, girl i know your moody you have no call (chad walks off stage) that's the way i like it, your what i like to hold (chad is backstage)

All- girl the way you do me, makes me say wassup, when your finished i'm on the floor feeling down, feeling up, girl the way you do me, driving me insane, i never felt this way before...

Mickey- our paris ways and gacku can’t wait to unrap you... You know i am feeling you, are you feelliinngg mmeeeeee? (chad, crying)

All- girl the way you do me, makes me say wassup, when your finished im on (new guy taked the sound booth) the floor feeling down feeling up. Girl the way you do me, driving me insane, i never felt this way before. (new guy shuts sound, playa piano while chad sings crying)

Chad- if you didnt for me, the skis turning black, i wish my mom would lend me, a couple a prozac, but i wont let it get to meee, i know you just forgooott, cause girl your always wiiitthhh meee even when your not... (silence in the crowd while chad cries) crowd cheers and they walk off....

Qt- look on the bright side chad, at least yah got some, how much did yah get?

Chad- it wasnt like that, me and heather were in love....

Mickey- man please, you barely knew baby girl

Chad- we went out 2 and 1/2 times!!

Doug- the half was a very heavy phone call.

Jerry- just think of the good times, you know like that 1st kiss.

Chad- moans, leans into to doug...

Doug- didnt get that far, they held hands alot.

Qt- did you go all the way? You know, did yah get the palm?

Mr.brumer- are we intruding?

Doug- ah yea we got kinda a private thing going on...

Mr.brumer- oh, im sorry, anyways tom told me what happened on stage yesterday.

Chad- im sorry about messing up the song.

Mr.brumer- chad, generally a performer addlibbing on the stage is like a knife slashing the throat hard, last night however- magical.

Tom-chicks get all gooed up over that boo hoo crap.

Jerry- hey, what happened to the music?

Mr.brumer- that was marvin boid working the sound board, kinda a one man musical swat team we keep around in case of trouble. The point is mtv has made us an offer.

Mr.brumer- if 2gether does a video of the way you do me with chad crying, they'll guarentee us heavy rotation, and also do a making the video.

Tom- i swear to god im tenting...

Mr.brumer- and we've got kurt barren to direct.

Qt- kurt barren? My god he directed that whoa video "3 inches of furrey."

Tom- we're not done, his brother burt had agreed to direct the making the video.

Mickey- wait, we get both barren brothers? That’s off the hook yo!

Jerry- (slapping hands with mickey) yeeaahh

Mickey- whoaho! That’s what im talking about!

Doug- alright, hold it, hold it, hold it, this whole thing depeands on chad crying on camera. Now we dont do it unless its cool with him.

Chad- okay fine, exploite my pain, suck my life dry!

All- yeeaahhh!!!

Doug- alright!!!

Qt- (frustrated) look at me, look at this arm, i look like... Courtney cox!!

Jerry- so workout, what does your docter say about lifting?

Qt- i thiiiinnkk she said it was good for me, i was kinda busy staring at her, she's got dumps like a truck!

jerry- come on, i'll spot yah, come on!

jerry- ready, lift, alright, okay, bring it down, you can do it, you can do it, come on qt, bring it down, bring it down, now explode, go go go, you the man, you the man!! Alright! Not bad, alright let’s do it again.

Qt- again?!?!?!?!?

Jerry- yea, 3 sets of 12 wraps twice a day, 4 times a week (qt walks out) good idea, take a break.

Doug- well, well, well, if it isnt the little girl who ripped my bros heart out of his chest and ate it like a delicious apple.

Heather- hi doug, is he in?

Doug- sure, come on in, i'll hold him down for yah this time!

Heather- i wanna get back with him

Doug- well yah dont get a 2nd chance with us linus's. Unless of course your my xwife in which you get 12.

Heather- look, i saw a bunch of girls wearing please chad please shirts and i started to miss him i mean he's getting really famous.

Doug- goodbye!!!

Heather- hey!!!!!!!!!!!

Doug-dont let the door hit yah where the good lords put yah! (shuts the door and continues to vacume) whatever....

Director kurt barren- (claps) boys and girls, we'll be ready to go in half a moon and when we do roll i want total silence, absolute perfection.

Assistant- however, if anyone feels like addlibbing or causing arow that would be great!

Chad- (puts down his cell) thats the third message i've left for her, why wont she call me back?!?

Doug- forget about her! Just focus on giving us a solid miserable performance.

Chad- i dont wanna cry on cue, i wont do it!

Doug-look was kate winslet really crying in titanic?

Chad- her boyfriend just sank to the bottom of the ocean, yea!!!

Doug- hear yah, i got your back (looks over) hey (whistles) chads having alittle trouble with his crying on cue thing.

Jerry- no problem, qt, tell him about your condition (chad gets sad)

Qt- my disease is terminal, there's no known cure, so its only a matter of time before i...

Chad- (interrupting him) qt, i dont wanna be tricked into it!

Jerry- hery chad, look at that poster!

Chad- (gets happy and excited) aww look at the kittys they're so cute, that little one looks like an ewok, no na-no!! I will not do it!

Qt- i'll cry on the video all i gotta do is open up my eyes too wide, i did it when i was 8, when i wanted to stay up past my bedtime. (opens eyes wide) ready? Okay look, it's coming, there it is, im crying, im cryin, iiimmm crryying!!

Mickey- damn man this is wack! I'll make him cry! Come here boy!

Marvin- hey.

Mickey- wassup! Ahh!

Marvin- to your corner my man!

Mickey- who the hell are you?

Marvin- my name is marvin boid.

Mickey-oohh yea, the one man swat team, sucka i hated you before i even met you! Wait, you look familiar.

Marvin-yeaa, we all look alike.

Mickey- no we dont!!!!!

Chad- it’s her! Everyone shutup! Hello, heather? Where have you been? Did you get my message? He what? I'll call yah back! (turns to doug) you threw heather out? You butthole!!! (he punches him in the stomach, jerrytried to stop him but was pulled back by marvin)

Doug- ooooohhhhhh,oooohhhh...

Mickey-oohh nice punch yo!

Jerry- why did you stop me?

Marvin-never get between brothers!

Chad- i hate you!

Kurt- oh, i think he's crying, action!

Assistant- no, no kurt you have to say action like you mean it, do it again!

Doug-you didnt even give me a chance to explain!

Chad- i know why you threw her out, if i got back with heather i'd be too happy to cry for the stupid video!

Doug- you are so totally wrong!

Chad- i'm gunna go find heather, im gunna bring her back and your gonna apologize to her.

Doug-or what, you'll whistpunch me again?

Chad- no, or i'm not your brother anymore (both walks away)

Kurt- and cut! Well that sucked! We'll take a 2 hour break, right i'm off to court to explain to a certain chilian bimbo that sperm does not indaddy make, transpol!!

Assistant- aannd cut! That was perfect...

Qt- mr.brumer says you’re a trouble shooter.

Jerry- so uuh how come you’re not helping out chad and doug?

Marvin- man, sometimes brothers just have to have it out, from cananable all the way to the unholybrothers hanson...

Qt- hanson? (he is surrounded by food and a blender, and he is makin something)

Marvin- lets just say there once was a 4th hanson brother, then too much hanson (leaves)

Jerry-what the hell are you doing?

Qt-i've got an hour till we get back on the stage, i've still got time to bulk up.

Jerry-you can’t change your body that fast! Look all yah gotta do is walk the walk... Think ripped, moooove ripped, you'll look ripped (showing him) leave room for muscles. Your pecks are two barrels of gunpowder. Step aside (walks) stoone cold, alright (qt walks "the walk")

qt- hows this?

jerry- work on it (rolls eyes and walks out)

qt- you got it...

doug-yo what is that gunk?

mickey-spf 85 my man, i dont want no cancer eating my face.

doug-then whats the reflector for?

mickey-for my tan!

jerry- hey, uuh i'm really worried about chad

Doug-he picked that slut over his own brother let her worry about him.

Doug-well, chads back, with her...

Jerry- hey yah comin'?

Doug- i'm cool.

Mickey-moans... Go's in...

Chad-hey,yah seen doug?

Mickey-on the patio but uh, he doesnt wanna see neither of yall...

Chad-doug!

Doug-why if it isnt chadwin and the skankly heather.

Qt- wassup everyone!

Mickey- ha look at this fool ha

Jerry- ahem, you've been working out?

Mickey- ooohh yeaaa man you look pumped...

Chad- doug listen, i didnt mean to hit you before, i ment to shoot you but i dont believe in guns.

Doug-was that an apoligy?

Chad- yea, now apologize to heather for throwing her out.

Doug-so that’s why you apologized just so i would.

Qt- hey hey, no rough stuff boys!

Doug-i wanna know why you wanna get back with chad...

Heather -because i thought we'd have a future 2gether.

Chad- see!

Heather- i thought some day we could get a house 2gether, and a dog, and a pickit fence!

Chad-thats exactly what i want!

Heather- and then all the other boybands could come over and i could go to all the awesome parties and tom cruise would be there! And he looks at me and i look at him and we talk and then he tells nicole to wait in paris and then we would get 2gether.

Chad-haaa heather wait, i thought i knew you, we've shared so much, remember the sanwhich? Okay this is not how it’s supposed to be...

Doug- heather, i think you should leave...

Heather- chad!

Chad-heather, please go, please...

Heather- are you dumping me?

Chad, no, i just dont think we should see eachother anymore...

Heather-'kay...

Qt- i should have taken her down!

Doug-they'll be others bro...

Chad- no there won’t!

jerry- chad, whats that i smell? Could it be a fresh pint of bubble gum ice cream in the freezer? Huh? Ha ha ha ha ha.

Chad-i'm never gonna fall in love again, i'm never gonna date again, i'm never gonna laugh again, and i'm never gonna eat sanwhiches again... And i'm never gonna cry again...

Mickey- maaann, just because your love life's dead, you gotta ruin our big video!

Doug- dont worry about him, he's probally just getting that ice cream.

Chad- in the garbage thinking of memories with heather...music plays...heather, why'd ya do me like this? I thought we had it goin on (images of heather on the phone with chad on the side trying to get involved begin)

Doug- dont worry he knows how important this video thing is

Mickey- where is he?

Doug- well when he was a kid he always had a favorite spot to go when he was depressed...chad!!!!

Chad-chads not here right now, just some cereal boxes and a couple of hungary mans...

Doug-so it didnt work out, the truth is, it never works out... Men and women have to have eachother but they hate each other its like god's little joke, so laugh it up!!!

Jerry-aah man its laws from the label, we should be shooting right now!

Chad-you can forget about the video, i'm not crying!

Mickey- Chad!! (opening garbage door)get out the damn trashcan! Quit being so damn selfish!!

Chad- owww!!!!

Doug- lemme talk to him

Qt- you handle chad, i'll take care of pretty boy...

Qt- alright, but you let me know when the leash is off!

Doug- i know exactly what yah feel man (talking to the trash can which contains chad) haa haa, i remember when i was 5 years old, i was in luv with a 6 year old girl named betsy fear, oh man she was stacked 19,17,18 wahoo back that ass up, haa haa, i remember when we 1st met...

Mickey- what up dawg??

Jerry- haa ha ha

Qt- heeeyyy

Tom- every minute in the studio time is 1,600 dollars you’re coasting me money asswads!!!

Jerry- tom, we’re pretty pissed off.

Tom- whats the prob? Huh?... Did they run out of those lil hello kitty stickers down at the mall?

Jerry- we were tlaking and its like your just the manager of wutev but you should be running the place...

Mickey- yea man you’re the one got it going on... Why can you not rise???

Tom- lemme tell you a little story i like to call the diclining fall of the carcasion in the recording industry!

Doug- (with chads garbage can) and that chad is how i lost both my heart and a 1976 cavelier, so yah see what i'm saying? Before you give your heart to a women make sure thats what she wants!

Chad- your right, your right about heather, your right about me, dammit

Doug- not everthing, remember that bipass i tried to perform on whiskers?

Chad- but you can’t keep making decisions for me doug, you treat me like a kid, i'm not a kid, i'm a mature adult, hey look half a twinkie.

Tom- sad but true, i'm white, i'm wealthy, i'm well educated and so the man keeps me down...

Qt- you mean god?

Tom- damn we gotta book, where's the linus's?

Doug- we're not goin', chads not ready...

Tom- what the hell does that mean? Chad get your molotious ass out here!

Doug-nobody talks to my brother that way! Now we're gunna sit here and burn your companies money till he's ready to go, you did?!?!?

Tom-okay...

Chad-thanx man

Doug- ha, it's all good

Chad- i know the videos important, but if i'm not feeling it. I just can’t do it...

Doug- chad, you feel exactly how you wanna feel, screw the video, if your happy, hell be happy, and if your sad like when mom and dad got dicappitated in that car crash (chad leans in and cries) he's ready.

Doug- this videos gunna be awesome.

Mickey- yo man it was all you pimp, you cried like a woman.

Chad- i only cried 'cuz doug was such a jerk to me, thanx man...

Jerry- now remember this is just a rough cut...

Qt- yea rough on me, i'm gunna look stupid and scrawney (music starts playing from the video- girl the way you do me)

Jerry- i took care of the scrawney part, i had the label hire a body double for the opening of where you take your shirt off.

Qt- for real?

Jerry- check it out...

Mickey- damn, nice cans qt..

Jerry- oh they screwed up, i am so sorry qt.

Qt- sorry? Dude i look awesome!