Mr.Steinmetz- Thank you all for coming out today to the grand opening of our

Jerry (pointing to an "I love Jerry" sign) check it out dude.

QT- Big deal (points to QT sings) Look

Chad- Mickey’s got more than any of us

Doug- Hee hee what? (confused by the number of strange signs)

Mr.S- SO here they are to kick us off, the pride of what-ev records, the only know obsiduary of Steinmetz Conglomerance, 2Gether (Right Where it Cants

Mickey- we’re alone in the room playing hixen and doom, and now your telling me goodbye. (goodbye?)

Jerry- SO you want us to part, that puts a knife in my heart, and a teal wailing up in my eye (one little tear uh).

Chad- Well let me remind you how much you have been blind to, you’ve totally changed me, mixed me up, re arranged me

QT- My hair I like! Quite hanging with Mike! (mmiiikke) And now you repay me by trying to display me.

All- I want you to know that you hit me too low and that I can barely breath (men reaching for Mickey) If I told you that I’m bleeding inside would you let me get off my knees.

Male fan- Turn around dude! (Mickey turns around and grabs his butt)

All- Right where it counts, (Mickey- that’s where yah hit me) right where it counts (qt- I’m on my knees) right where it counts stop kicking me please, right where it counts (Mickey getting into the dance) right where it counts (that’s where yah hit mee) right where it counts (I’m on my knees) right where it counts (stop kicking me please) right where it counts Right where it counts (oohh yea) right where it counts (you got me right where it) right where it counts (ooohh), right where it counts

QT- Where’d Chad go?

Doug- Ooohh the kids got a thing for copying machines

Mickey- Yo, you guys see the Mickey Parke fan club, man those dudes were ripped, they must be like pro wrestlers or something.

Jerry- Yea, I’m guessing or something.

Mickey- Yea, maybe me and the boys can go out. Cruise for some chicks yea yea!!

Doug (laughs)- He had no idea those guys were gay!

Jerry- Wait a minute, why does he get all the gay fans I mean I do AB-crunches, I take care of my hair.

QT- Hey, if I were gay I’d get any guy, anytime.

Doug- you guys get all the chicks, at least leave me some dudes.

Chad- 20 copies please.

Copy guy- of what?

Chad- Anything...

Copy guy- Maybe you should fill out a job application.

Chad- I don’t need a job, I’m, I’m in 2gether.

Copy guy- Oh and I’m a looser because I do need a job? 8 months from now you’ll be back begging.

Chad- 8 months?

Copy guy- That’s how long a boy band lasts, remember LFO?

Chad- Who?

Copy guy- Exactly, and just like them you’ll have no job skills when it all comes crashing down on you, you’ll die poor and miserable.

Chad- (pokes Doug with a hockey stick) Doug, Doug are you awake?

Doug- Oohhh Anna please, please for gods sake I’m a man, I’VE GOT NEEDS!!!!!!

Chad- Doug, its your brother Chad, I have an important question to ask you.

Doug- Chad? What is it?

Chad- Who’s LFO?

Doug- Ooh, Some 90’s boy band, they went the way of our folks. Dead and Dead.

Chad- Is 2gether gonna end up like that?

Doug- Heck no! We’re gonna go on forever, making hits and getting chicks. Just Like Elvis.

Chad (happy)- awesome! Doug!

Doug- Yea?

Chad- Who's Elvis?

Doug- Oh some phat rock star who collapsed on his toilet seat and died.

Chad-( Frightened)

Mickey- Oow, Damn!

Girl- Oh sorry is that too hot for you?

Mickey- it’s always too hot with you around girl!

Girl- Ha Ha, you know none of you 2gether boys really needs a chest wax.

Mickey- Well the label makes us, besides I wan look like my man Stone Cold Steve Austin, ha ha Super tough and all waxed up.

Girl- Your gonna have to do a few more push ups before you look like Stone

Mickey- Well maybe I’ll push up on you... Ooowww damn women!!!!

Copy guy- So tell me Mr. Citius, Why are you the right person for our company?

Chad- because I don’t want to die on a toilet.

Copy guy- I see, it says here you once worked as the secretary of agriculture.

Chad- Well.. That was more of a after school job... but what I really wanna do is make copies!!!

Copy guys- Good Good, tell me Darth do you have any skills that would qualify you as a copier slash correlater.

Chad- Umm... I make kick ass laser noises.. Like this (bbbewww bew bew bew

Copy guy- Are you sure you have what it takes to do this job?

Chad- I can work for nothing!

Copy guy- Well that’s what it takes, congratulations!

Chad- Yeeaa!

Mickey- I can’t believe wax girl’s fronting me like this man, I’m the joint, she’s the bomb why can’t we just get it on?

Doug- Mick, I’m gonna tell you about Doug’s rules of romantical knowledge, I know how to rule the ladies.

Mickey- HA HA, Man you couldn't even whoo your own wife.

Doug- I whooed her, I just couldn't keep her.

Mickey- so, how do you get them?

Doug- Well first you have to say I’m sorry.

Mickey- For what!!!!

Doug- Doesn't matter! A women loves a man who’s sorry, and if you don’t know

Mickey- that is wacked man.

Doug- You wanna get bothered or not?

Mickey- (on the patio) I just wanted to say I sorry for you know

Girl- Being such a jerk before?

Mickey- Exactly! Let me make it up to you, a movie or something.

Girl- Umm.. I guess

Mickey- Yeeaa!!! I mean yea. (goes inside, Jerry comes out)

Girl- Man, gay guys can be so moody.

Jerry- How so?

Girl- Look you don’t have to cover for your pal I do surf the Internet.

Jerry- What are you talking about?

Girl- Everybody knows Mickey’s gay! Nobody would act that macho unless they were covering.

Jerry- HA Ha! Let me tell you something about Mickey. Mickey is...

Mickey- Excuse me madam but I need to speak with my boy Jerry here for just a second. Come on. (brings him inside) Quite hitting on my lady!

Jerry- Mickey I was just about gonna explain to this girl.

Mickey- Uuuh! I’m not interested in girls Mr. Jealous O’ Keefe

Jerry- but Mick...

Mickey- NO! Alright.. A girl is someone you make tapes for, a girl is someone who follows a high school sweetheart out to LA, what I’m interested in, is that fine piece of chicken out there! Uuuh!!

Jerry- whatever you say!

Mickey- You daaammnn Right (Jerry leaves)

Girl- so what were you going to tell me about Mickey... he is gay right?

Jerry- Mickey says it himself, he is not interested in girls.

Girl- That’s what I thought.

Jerry (gives a sign to Mickey that everything is cool)

Mickey- He he he!

Mickey- Doug! You think these funky ass candles are gonna win her over?

Doug-Trust me, It says I’m spiritual yet I’d like to hump.

Mickey- Ooohh that’s her, I cant go through with this man.

Doug- just remember my rules.

Mickey- Right... candles, chick flick, pretend to listen.

Doug- Annndd?

Mickey- I love those shoes.

Doug- You the man! Now if you have any trouble I’ll be right in the next room (ahem) masturbating.

Mickey- A he! (opens door) HHHeeeyy girl!

Girl- Hey Mickey...

Mickey- Ooohhh hey, I love those shoes.

Girl- well if I take them off promise me you wont wear them?

Mickey- Ooohh I ain’t promising nothing tonight!

Chad- OooOOOhhhh!!

Copy guy- Steinmetz 800i! You gotta treat it like a fine women, like a kickass transam yah know? I want you to read this manual, by the end of the week I want you to know all our secrets

Chad- I wont let yah down (looks through the book then makes face copies)

Mickey- so you enjoying my best friends wedding?

Girl- I love it! you?

Mickey- Oh its one of my favorites.

Girl- DO you think Rupert Everett’s hott?

Mickey- Huh?

Girl- Word is he gets tons of action...

Mickey- Well... any dude who gets tons of action is a man after my own.

Girl-Did you see his movie with Madonna?

Mickey- No I didn't but I will tell you one thing... Madonna is one fine looking lady.

Girl- you’re so predictable... such a relief most guys I meet just see me as a screw target.

Mickey- HHHUUUUHH!!!! That’s terrible.

Girl- Bit you and I’d we’d never have to worry about sex. ‘Cuz my bud he he. I have to go to the washroom.

Mickey- Doug get your ass out here.

Doug- Yea?

Mickey- what the hell you doing in there man?

Doug- I was uh, reading.

Mickey- Get this... I’m hanging out with her right? and she’s aaaallll into me and I’m just about to do my thing and then she says she just wants to be my bud.

Doug- Okay stay calm, maybe I when a little too far with the candles and the

Mickey- Yea

Doug- You gotta let her know you mean sex!

Mickey- Sex sex... oh man she’s coming she’s coming.

Doug- Make your move!

Girl- Wanna finish the movie?

Mickey- I was thinking that maybe we could just you know... hang out a little bit. (starts massaging her.

Girl- Oooohh, that feels good... sooo good. Mmm

Mickey- you wanna go up to my room and mess around a little bit? Violet? You wanna get busy? Violet? Violet? Damn! (Tucks her in)

Girl- (asleep)

QT- Hi, do you do enlargements? Chad? Ha! Is that you?

Chad- Chad is not me, He’s in 2gether right?

QT- What are you doing here?

Chad- I work here at night now QT, check this out (shows him his face copies).

QT- Cool, I guess.

Chad- Its a job skill, I’ve learned a whole bunch of cool new job skills (plays with the staple gun).

Qt- let me try.

Chad- Haaa, come on (throws paper)

QT- this job rocks (throws paper and then the stapler and breaks the machine!)

Jerry- Wassup lady killer?

Doug- did you get any action last night?

Mickey- She fell asleep; I said goodbye to her this morning.

Jerry- She didn't put out for Mickey P.? I am shocked!!

Mickey- Mickey. P didn't strike out... I mean, look don’t tell anybody this, but I ended having a good time last night, just me and her chilling on the couch talking, we’re going out again too and we’re gonna hit up a movie 2gether.

Jerry- Mick, There’s something I gotta tell yah, Violet, she uh, she thinks your gay!

Doug- (Spits out his cereal) Are you serious?

Mickey- I’m straighter than all ya'll put 2gether!

Jerry- I’m not making this up, she told me, apparently there's this big rumor on the Internet.

Mickey- But you told her different right? Right???? Thanks crappy, Punk!!!

Jerry- What a jerk.

Doug- Ah, Hey man, he’s just mad that’s all

Jerry- No I meant me.

Chad- I suck at my job.

QT- Dude this isn't your job. Your job is singing, and dancing, and making girls cry.

Chad- But what if no one wants me to sing and dance anymore.

QT- you should do what you love.

Chad- you’re right. I like office supplies but I don’t love them, let’s get out

Mickey- (looking up Gay Mickey P. sites) No, uh uh, uh uh daaammmnn!!!! DDDDddddaaammnnn!!!

Doug- Mickey, what’s going on?

Mickey- Doug!!! I’m gay!!!

Doug- shocked

Liz- Howdy Guys, Did you hear the news? In-tune has a new member and get this, he’s blapenese.

Chad- What’s Blapenese?

Liz- African Asian American, which means in tune, has covered that demographic. Its so new millennium, sooo tiger woods.

Doug- well we could get QT a kidney transplant.

Liz- Noo silly fillies but it would be great if somebody in 2gether would oh I dunno become crippled, or declare themselves Muslim, or umm come outta the closet, uuhh Mickey I am so proud of you!!

Mickey- Proud of me for what?

Doug- for That outfit, gay leather really matches your eyes.

Mickey- What’cha mean gay?

Jerry- Leave him alone Doug.

Mickey- This is a tough vest, Stone Cold Steve Austin wears this vest, You

Chad- Not to his face.

Mickey- that’s right, Mickey P.’s straight as hell. Maybe I need like a hat

Mickey- Outta my damn way, move that soda pop, Gay Bait.

Mickey- I never was in the closet women, I’m straight.

Violet- what is with you tonight?

Mickey- Nothing just being a man, a straight man.

Violet- Straight huh? I liked you a lot better when you were gay?

Mickey- Oh yea, well how’s this for gay, those shoes you got on they suck ass.

Violet- yea well no need to be bitchy.

Mickey- I’m not gay!!

Violet- Work out your issues on your own time, Goodbye Mickey, It’s been weird.

Mickey- Mickey Parke, Headaral Sexual!!!

Liz- You hooo Mickey the publicity train keeps a rollin’.

Mickey- Leave my ass alone.

Liz- Guess who I have here... A reporter from E news daily they wanna do a piece on you!

Mickey- Why?

Liz- because you came outta the closet, Here...Read this speech and 2Gether will conquer another market niche.

Mickey- HA ha Yea whatever...

Host- many of you have heard whispers that Mickey Parke of the boy band 2gether is a homosexual just waiting to emerge from the closet. We sent our Ezers daily staff over to his house to find out what’s up.

Violet- So here's what I know.. I know your not gay, I know you said some really sweet things on TV and I know your trying to be less of a jerk.

Mickey- yea that’s all true.

Violet- But what I don’t know is more important than any of that.

Mickey- And what’s that?

Violet- do you really think my shoes suck?

Mickey- HA HA, well they do kinda look ugly with your blouse.

Violet- Talk about ugly shoes, those things are as white as you are.

Mickey- What? Yo these kicks rock!

Violet- well there's only one thing to do about that.

Mickey- And what’s that?

Violet- lets go shoe shopping.

Mickey- HA Ha, after you...

Doug- I wanna support Mickey's right to be straight I mean isn’t that what this countries about? The right to be part of an overwhelming majority.

Jerry- SO Mickey isn’t gay, but if your gay and a fan of Mickey... Please continue to buy our tapes and CDs and rip our songs off the web.

Chad- I don't know much about gay people but I do know about singing and dancing and making girls.

Copy Guy- I know for a fact that you can fool around with 11 guys and not be

QT- I’ve got a secret. Everybody in 2gether’s gay. Except for me ladies and