QT- that panda was my friend. Why did this happen? WWWHHYY?

Chad- I asked the same thing when my parents died.

QT-Your parents were not an endangered species.

Doug- Look what your anger has done, LOOK!!

Jerry- I’m sorry QT, my dad called me and told me he was on his way over and I freaked.

QT- Why are you so mad anyway?

Chad- Jerry’s father cheated on Jerry’s Mother and that’s why they got (a pause) (whispers) divorce. But He’s coming by to make up.

Jerry- Yea right we don’t talk for four years but as soon as I make some money and get a cushion pad he’s all Hey Jerry I’m your best Bud.

Mickey- if that’s the pizza I ordered last night, this punks gettin’ no tip!

Jerry- it’s my dad. Guys there’s something you have to know about him.

QT- He’s adopted?

Jerry- No, my father is.. nice. (guys confused) He’s not really nice he just gets you to like him and then he does something terrible like... borrows $500.00 from your savings account to buy lottery tickets or forgets to pick you up at school and you spend the weekend in the cafeteria sucking on frozen wieners.

Doug- and he rings the bell until you go mad, mad I say!

Jerry- Just be on your guard, don’t let him get to you! (opens door)

Jerry’s dad- JEERRYYY... Hey good to see yah son.

Jerry- Yea we should do this every four years.

Ted- Hi fellas I’m Ted. It’s a real pleasure to finally meet you.

Mickey- we ain’t fallen for that crap. You messin’ with the wrong gangster.

Ted- Wow that tough guy thing isn’t just an act. Jeez I hope you don’t hate the gift I brought yah.

Mickey- Whatever it is, I can’t take it. You did some pretty bad ass things to my boy here and I stick by my crew.

Ted- Ah, From the Wu-Tang video.

Mickey (hugging him) I love you poppy!!

QT- Oh man, Just what I need, Jerry killed my other friend.

Jerry- Guys cant you see what’s happening... he’s buying your friendship.

Chad- I see exactly what’s happening, What’s for me!

Ted- Ha Ha Ha, here you go. And it lights up.

Chad- OOOHHHH, A whole planetarium, now I can see what galaxy I’m from!

Doug- Uh Chad, Mom was kidding about that.

Ted- Jerry, this is for you. (hands him a check)

Jerry- $500.00?

Ted- I never forget my debts.

Jerry- I can’t cash this till December.

Ted-Happy x-mas. Ah Listen I’m in town for a trade show but uh I hope that we can get to do some hanging out.

QT- we’ve got a press conference for our new CD, you can come chill with us

Jerry- QT!!! Dad you cant just walk back into my life and pretend that your the good guy.

Ted- I understand son; I’ll uh go check into a motel.

Jerry- OOOHH no, no your not gonna make me the bad guy. You’re stayin right here. I’m the good guy, you’re the bad guy. Good guy Bad Guy!

Ted- Whatever you say son. Oh Doug (Doug gets happy) Uh listen I figured your a full grown man, you probably didn't want a gift anyway.

Doug- (sad, but trying to cover it) OOhhh yea right of course.

Ted- AHHHH Ah Ah Ah there!! The latest Oaklies!!!

Doug- Oh man you rock!!!!!

Everyone (minus Jerry)- Laughs

QT- Lunch is served

Chad- where did he go?

QT- Oh my God! He jumped out! (picks him up from the floor and puts him back in) Why would he try and kill himself!

Chad- maybe its just a cry for help.

QT- But I gave him a good home, his own mermaid, where did I go wrong.

Chad- maybe there’s something wrong with this food. (Pours it in his mouth, talking with food in his mouth-) uh-uh tastes fine.

Report- Guys 2gether’s just released its 2nd album and people are starting to demand some answers, for instance what’s your favorite colors?

Jerry- Man we’ve been looking to clear this up for some time, Mines blue.

QT- Light Blue.

Doug- Royal Blue.

Mickey- Robins Egg Blue.

Chad- Velvet.

Jerry- well if it isn’t Ms. Meritz from the Herald.

Ms. Meritz- Ah, I see you remember me.

Doug- Well who could forget your review of our CD. And I quote " Not since the space shuttle Blew up, has there been a disaster on the scale of 2Gether Again."

Meritz- Guys, Many say that boy bands are a manufactured product composed of airheads who know little or nothing about real music, your response?

Jerry- that’s dumb.

Meritz- Uh Huh, why would it be dumb?

Doug- 'Cuz.

Ted- Excuse’ Excuse me, Uh, Pardon me... Umm ... Theodore O’Keefe Here.

Jerry- Dad No!

Ted- Uh Look, uh uh, I’m Not in show biz but uh Yes Boy bands are manufactured, a group of artists is brought 2gether, the way artists have always been brought 2gether from the theatrical companies of Ancient Greece, to the, the Cathedral Builders of the Middle Ages, To the sublime visionaries behind

Meritz- And what would you do if I did?

Ted- I’d count my lucky stars.

QT- Why are you unhappy? Do you not like your bowl? Is the mermaid not putting out?

Chad- Doug says, fish only have a memory of about 5 seconds.

QT- so I’ve only got five seconds to talk to him.

Chad- And then he forgets everything.

QT- Okay here it goes. (Chad goes to watch the time) Umm how should I put this?...

Chad- Times up go.

QT- Uuhh I know sometimes you feel neglected but I can understand that because....

Chad- Times up go!

QT- Are you timing this right?

Chad- Times up go!

QT- I wasn't even doing it that time.

Chad- Times up go!

QT- He’s out again!(Chad picks him up)

Chad- you’re an unfit parent; you don’t know anything about raising fish.

QT- I know that they need water to breathe.

Chad- Whoops)

Doug- I want you to hold me!!! Your what I want!!!

Mickey- (and all) sings along)

All- When I feel your the only one that’s real!!

Ted- (Getting off phone) Terrific! Hey great news guy....!! Jer Jer the melody of that song is just like the one I used to sing you to sleep with.

Jerry- you never sang to me.

Ted- Anyway!! Who's up for a quick trip to Vegas!!!!

Mickey- What do you think? You damn Skippy!!

Jerry- Mickey... Its gonna take us all night to autograph these for QVC.

Ted- Of Course work comes first, listen I’ll just call my friend with the private jet and tell him were not gonna make it.

QT- Private Jet??

Ted- Yea, but the Jacuzzi only seats two at a time.

Doug- lets finish this!!

Jerry- there's no way!

Chad- I wanna see Siegfried and Roy.

Doug- I wanna see the hookers.

Jerry- Fine go all of you!!!

QT- Take care of my fish, he’s ready for a snack and the bowl needs to be dislined.

Ted- Come on son, It’ll Put some hair on your chest! Come on Jer, Lighten up, live a little.

Jerry- Oh I’m living believe meee!!! I’m living more than all of you guys put 2gether! I don’t have to fly out to Vegas to live! All your Jets and Jacuzzi’s and Hoes is nothing compared to the life I’m living right here at home! We’re gonna have some good times (talking to the fish)

Chad- I call dibs on the bathroom.

QT- not if I get they’re 1st!

Chad- Stupid Parachute, Always slowin’ me down!

Doug- What’s with your hands?

Jerry- nothing, just doing my impression of lobster boy.

Ted- Ah that’s my fault, the O’keefe's always have lousy connective tissue. Our Backs are crap too. Hey Jerry, Mind if I crash on your bed.

Jerry- Sure, Go ahead.

Ted- it’s not a bother?

Jerry- why should it be a bother?

Ted- You sure?

Jerry- Sure I’m sure.

Ted- No trouble

Jerry- Go! I gonna punch each one of you Vegas Loving traders right in the face, If I could make a fist.

Chad- we never made it to Vegas.

Mickey- Yea it seems your pops overstated his friendship with the powered Jet guy anyways he took off without us and left us stranded in this airfield in the middle of nowhere.

Jerry- Finally your feeling my pain, the man revs up the party bus and then crashes it into a brick wall, now you know.

Chad- but we had an awesome time!

Doug- Yea your dad ran into this hot as hell babe with her all girl jump squad. He used his good looks to charm them into taking us all kemdum skydiving.

Jerry- Good Looks? He’s fat and bald.

Doug- Your point?

Mickey- My jump buddy Rod Deller, lets just say she had a couple air bags of her own, oohh Rod Deller.

Chad- Jerry, I think your dad loves you, I mean all he talked about was you.

Jerry- I dunno what he’s doing here but its got nothing to do with love. I need some air. Lousy father, I’m not gonna let him ever take advantage of me ever again, I’m not a helpless little child. Jacket, door, nose.

QT- are you sure, He’ll like getting in the bathtub?

Chad- I hope He’ll swim up my trunks.

Doug- He’ll love it, he’s got a great view of the toilet and there’s no way he can jump out.

QT- why did he become a jumper in the 1st place? I must be a lousy father.

Doug- I know how you feel. Every time my kids attempt suicide I blame myself.

Chad- Your X-wife blames you too.

Doug- so do the kids, and the shrink, I’m a lousy father.

Chad- but remember on Jilly and Jennifer’s birthday when you bought them those crates of the old fireworks, at least you mean well.

Doug- Yea I do, I try, and so do you QT, we’re both trying, and that’s all you could ask of a person.

QT- I just feel that there’s something more I could be doing.

Jerry- Maybe you could be a better father QT, on the other hand maybe the

QT- Hey, Don’t DISS MY FISH!!!

Jerry- HHEEY, Its a metaphor. Forget it.

Doug- well time to take the plunge... Heave Ho!... see he looks happier already, swimming all around/

QT- Thanks Doug, It takes a Village.

Chad- He’s doing it!!! He’s up my shorts!! (dances with happiness)

Jerry- Dad? Dad..

Ted- Yea, son...

Jerry- I haven't been fair to you, I assumed you were here ‘cause you want something, but maybe all you really want is spend time with me.

Girl- Oh that’s so sweet.

Jerry- OOOHH MY GOD!!

Ted- UUhhh, Jerry, You remember Litia from the Herald.

All- (when seeing Ted naked.) OOOHHHH GOD, OOOOHH...

Ted- Jerry, Jerry you have every right to be upset, I, I never should had her in your room, I should have picked a reporter that gave you a good review.

Jerry- I want you to go.

Ted- What if I told you I had cancer?

Jerry- you have cancer?

Ted- no but I could, I mean they can’t prove that I don’t have cancer.

Jerry- Get out of my house now!!! I said go!!!

Chad- That was it right? The bad thing you said your father was going to do

QT- Jerry? Jerry, We wanna apologize, you know for thinking your father was a good guy.

Chad- we didn't know he was a slut.

Mickey- So to make it up to you were gonna let you punch each of us as hard

QT- Mickey let me go 1st, for only a dollar.

Jerry- Thanks guys, but I just need to be alone. (Liz come in)

Liz- Hi-Ho 2getherites

Doug- Oh crap its Cathy Lee Giddy.

Liz- Jerry’s father has filed a law suite against him for millions of dollars.

Jerry- What?

Liz- He claims he wrote the melody for Your the Only One That’s Real, and that Jerry stole it from him.

Mickey- that is cold-blooded man.

Jerry- I knew he was after something.

Liz- Usually the label settle out of court but father sues son, What could be juicier?

Jerry- How about son demolishes father.

Liz- Oohh I just got chills.

Doug- we’re with yah Jer, 100%

Mickey- Yea man no one messes with my crew and walks.

Liz- we’re going to arbitration with a real judge, so you also have to show total respect, that means everything has to be as formal as possible.

Judge- this is not a court, not a trial it is an arbitration, so don’t get all formal I hate that.

Doug- Your Majesty. (walking in with the guys)

Judge- Uh Mr. O’Keefe who is representing you?

Ted- I am representing myself. (QT puts his fish by the open window)

Judge- you’re a fool.

Ted- I’ve been called worst.

Judge- Numb Nuts?

Ted- A compliment

Judge- Jerk off?

Ted- you know there are people I would pay to have them call me that.

Judge- what’s your story?

Ted- Jerry, remember if you will a morning, March 1989, you were 8 years old. Will you stipulate for this arbitration that at that time we both liked Cheerios.

Jerry- Yea I guess.

Ted- Ah HHHAAA!! Thank you very much. Now, on the morning we questioned, there were very few Cheerios left in the bowl. You said go ahead, I said no Jer, your a growing boy, you have a full day of school ahead of you, We’ll split them.

Jerry- that never happened, That never happened.

Ted- you have no recollection of this incident?

Jerry- NO!

Ted- AH, Perhaps this will jog your memory (takes out a bowl of Cheerios).

Judge- where are you going with this?

Ted- Ah You Honor I’m just trying to help him remember that we had some good

Judge- Go some where else.

Ted- Ah okay okay, now Jerry do you remember when you punctured your sister’s spleen with the lawn darts?

Chad- Laughing hysterically* I’m out of order aren't I?

Judge- Yes

Ted- you punctured your sister’s spleen.

Chad- *laughing* I’m sorry, there's just something about that word.

Ted- you punctured your sister’s organ.

Chad- HA HA HA HA HA

Ted- but it was a mistake

Jerry- Not a mistake, an accident.

Ted- An accident, mistake, these are just words.

Chad- Like Spleen AAAHHHH HA HA HA HA HA

Judge- can someone control him.

Doug- No.

Judge- got it.

Ted- it was a mistake. But the point is it doesn't make you a bad person. Does it? Not a bad person forever

Jerry- Of course not.

Judge- does this has anything to do with the case before us?

Ted- am I under oath here?

Judge- That’s what I thought, Can I please hear the 2gether version of the song in question.

Liz- this is it, now remember she’s a chick so pour on the sap.

Chad- OOHHHOOOHH

Jerry- when you call me, are you smiling? When you leave me does it make you

Mickey- when I talk to you hear, When I cry do you care, when I wake up in the morning do you want me there?

All- I want you to know me, I want you to hold me, To know who I am, what I want, when I feel you’re the only one that’s real. I want you to know me, I want you to hold me, 'Cuz when we kiss, When we touch, all I know is your the only one that’s real.

Mickey- Your the only one that’s real, only ooonnnnnneeeeeeee......

Chad- I want you to know me... I want you to hold me...

Judge- Very nice, Very Very Nice... Ah!!! Mr. O’Keefe, What evidence do you

Ted- Your Honor, I think I’d like to sing a lullaby that I used to sing to

Jerry- I told you, You never sang to me.

Ted- Your honor?

Judge- Sing!

Ted- there is a monster, he is a killer, he wants to eat your heart, suck your blood, kill you dead and he’s right beneath your bed. If you want to kill him (Jerry joins in) You’ll need a weapon like a bee-bee gun, laser beam, or just call out for your dad. You remembered!!!

Jerry- You sang me to sleep with that, I cant believe it, I stole your song.

Ted- that’s it, see it was a mistake see it doesn't make you a bad person does it?

Jerry- No, No it doesn't dad.

Judge- it makes him a thief.

Ted- you honor, sorry, excuse me I don’t want any money, Jerry I’m sorry I

Jerry- Your honor can he have his name on the song...next to mine?

Judge- Sole ordered... goodbye!

Ted- Thanks Jer!!

Jerry- No thank you!

Ted- for what?

Jerry- Cheerios

Doug- OMG, he jumped! Don't look its too horrible.

QT- SO he’d kill himself, he was a real pain in the ass.