¤ The Bitch Speaks

"If I hear goblin giggling and a gust of wind, I'm coming after you."

"I don't NEED to know Conor's sexual orientation!!!!!!!!!"

"Now he knows we care."

"Breathe Emi! Oxygen is good for your brain."

"This isn't SOL! It's POS!"

"Dude! Make the rats shut up!"

"Used condoms are NOT for show and TELL!"

"I use long pointless words, and even longer, more pointless sentences to trick people into not realizing the utter lack of CONTENT."

"You don't need to stand around- the second time he saw us you could HEAR him rolling his eyes."

"You don't have to be straight to be eye candy!"

"There's nothing good to steal today that I haven't already eaten."

"Dick on a stick, 3 for a dollar..."

"But hotdogs are so limp."

"Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie."

"Any bed would be good if it had David Bowie in it."

"His ass... It- it just sticks out... It's beautiful."

"That had to be spandex."

"D- d- d- d- d- d- d- d- d- dick."

"That one hasn't been opened yet, so it's hard anyway."

"It's like, it's all consistent, but it's not."

"That is the most annoying sound, besides Brianne's voice, on the face of the planet."

"Do you see this chair?! It will become one with your forehead if you don't stop that!"

"It's not hard to be taller than Emi. Unless you're Crysta."

"Was well endowed? What did someone do, come and amputate?"

"Gay homophobic sex is like... a paradox."

"Actually you couldn't lock all the freshmen in a closet, you'd just get more of them."

"I'm sorry your mum has no appreciation for the fine art of incense inhaling."

"Since you have no idea what you're doing, I'm going to be on this team. Not that you would notice anyway, you fruitcake."

"A flawed picture of a hot guy is a sad thing."

"It doesn't matter what species they are if you talk to them. If you fuck them though it does matter!"

"You don't wear a penis, you just have gay guys in your head."

"Brandon, honey, why is there a shirt on your head?"

"Ten year olds shouldn't be reading erotica."

"I need to dwaw da dwagon. ... ... Damnit."

"We want the fic writers to start making porn movies."

"I think her aura is contagious."

"Grr, you evil imaginary person."

"Hey! Don't insult our half-brain!"

"Woah, I'm actually gaining feeling in my fingers. Cool."

"Evuhl, she's evuhl."

"Sarcasm becomes you, my friend."

"Tyler only thinks it's funny because the force of Emi's evil isn't focused on HIM!"

"My point as a person is to listen."

"Curiousity... The bane of the intelligent. And of people like me, too!"

"Why do I sense a password change coming on?"
"I'll password change your ass if you don't stop making fun of me."
 Hawk, Liz

"Oh. My. God. And. Goddess. I can't believe I just did that."

"Surprised? Yes. Willing to take advantage of it? Yes."

"Coooooool. But if you keep it up I might have to break something. Maybe one of Austin's arms."

"Oh just shut up."
"But no one said anything."
"Well, shut up anyway."
 Liz, Kim

"No one ever accused me of being rational."

"Tyler the Mr T wannabe."

"Hi Liz this is Emi. ... Damnit."

"He was one of thooose children, wasn't he."
"What children?"
"One of those children who ate paste in kindergarten."
"That's probably why he hangs out with Tyler."
 Liz, Emi

"There is a pill to fix everything, it's called a cyanide capsule."

"I have *2* Tylers to annoy now."

"Oooooh... You said eraser... I thought you said 'my favourite threesome'."

"{This} is just proof that I shouldn't be allowed to be alone with my thoughts."

"Multiple personalities- renewable, reusable, recycleable. Gotta love it!"

"Shit, I started thinking again."

"Cherry coke, breakfast of champions."

"Happy Liz. Ow, ow. Damnit."

"The only think you can have too much of is pain."

"I didn't break his neck, he walked right into that 2 by 4."

"You have an irrational fear of liposuction lard?"

"I'm glad I don't have a phone in my room when I remember you're evil."

"Yes, Mibi is very shit oriented."

"We're talking about them like they're real again."

"Being an author is just another form of schizophrenia."

"The computer-piece-of-shit-thingy died."

"Hooray for visual silence!"

"And he just happened to be carrying a pair of safety handcuffs."

"Wishes are powerful things if supplied correctly."

"I'm ok, really. Except for the fact that my sister is mean and evil and insane and tone deaf. But otherwise, everything's all good."

"My spell checker and my thesaurus are my heroes."

"Maybe they won't staple it to your reputation, maybe the'll just use a sticky note."

"I'm not ugly, just funny looking."

"Most gay people aren't straight."

"Little girls' wicked fantasies aren't supposed to play themselves out at school."

"Just because I'm stupid doens't mean everything I say is funny."

"One by one the slowlyns penguiny steal my sanity."

"No adjectives, no adjectives!!"

"I would that I were that I weren't where I am."

"Thanks for sharing your sexual misadventures."

"I don't think for anybody, not even you."

"It's sick and stwisted and perverse, but I love it though."

"If you take away all the quotes about sex and the ones that sound like they're about sex, you aren't left with much."

"Your mommy is my idol!"

"You're doing sexual favours for Santa just to get presents."
"At least they're nice presents... How do you think I got to go to England? It wasn't from sitting on my ass all year."
"Sitting on Santa's lap all year..."
 &nbps; Liz, Lauren

"Trees kill!"

"There's a reason it's called whip cream. K-tch!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was supposed to be psychic today."

"The better to get my ass kicked with, my dear."

"Aaron's not useless- he's just... difficult."

"I hate you. Nothing personal, but I hate you."

"At least Chris still remembers it's DC."

"I need to have an 'educate my friends' party."

"I'm being flagellated with a gay monkey!"

"Because biting's not a socially acceptable behavior?"

"We're bleaching you!"

"There are tails of pokémon in my purse."

"If I feel like the room is spinning around beneath me, does that mean I'm dizzy?"

"The having-to-touch-people-when-you-kill-them thing is the only thing that has kept me from murdering many people."

"Of course, I'm going to go to Precal tomorrow and Phil's not going to be horribly disfigured, and I'm going to be so diappointed..."

"I don't care who, I don't care whether it's here or not, I just want it hard and fast and I want it now."

"I stay up until four in the morning having phone sex with Emi, just so you know. Don't tell Tyler."

"Yes, she is trying to deep throat the pen, incase you were wondering."

"Bees have rights too!"

"Kiss my calculator!"

"I'm sorry Mari-Bess, but you do have a thing."

"My mother is beating me... I'm gonna go now."

"This all exists to confuse me. Biology exists to confuse me."

"Mum is apparently scared I'm going to catch the steak on fire. That amuses me for some reason."

"I'm a little slow, but eventually I catch up..."

"Arc-tangent gets me so hot."

"I think I was a goldfish in a previous life."

"I'm going to punch you so hard you're going to feel it on your other arm!"

"Give me my quotes, bitch!"

"I don't like it when you speak."

"You can't be a pimp if you're hiding in the woods."

"Liz, how come yours is bigger than mine?"
"Because I ordered it that way."
 Aaron, Liz

"I'm wearing my breasts today."

"I have boobs!"

"Super Ken-ichi grip!"
I think I'm the only one who's going to read this that will understand it, lol.

"It's ringing! It's ringing!"
"I'm deaf in one ear!"
 Krissy, Liz

"My throat still hurts from the ginger ale."

"I have daquiri up my nose. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to kill you Crysta."

"Oh, pot makes you rape people."

"Marijuana messes with the space time continuum?"

"Does that say 'your nuts are very squeezable'?"
"Knees! Knees, with a K!"
 Mari-Bess, Liz

"Why does it have to be dangly?"

"Everyone should have a slow virgin!"

"And I need to stop saying 'I was like.' He was like, yeah, and then I was like, wooooah, and then HE went yeah... and I was like dude..."

"I threw a shoe, I want my tea, and I need to put some lotion on."

"Now for the half ass summary."
"Why use both cheeks where just one will suffice?"
"Such as for guys, why use both brains, when one.... oh wait... they already use one brain. Nevermind."
"The one that uses MORE blood, which is not very efficient, is it?"
 Emi, Liz

"Such a cute little dork.. Wanna take 'm and put 'm in a box to keep."

"Ah... Nothing says 'Welcome to College' like massive quantities of drunken sex all around you."

"Give me my tiny cookies you stupid bag!!"

"A spandex mullet- it's the next big thing."

"Episcopal church of the word? ... The word of the day is chicken. Let us bow our heads in prayer."

"Well, I have Mike's goodies and his belt."
"It's detachable?"
"Apparently."
 Liz, Emi

"If anyone ask me where my mom is, or why I'm out so late, I'm going to hurt them."

"And they're all chained to the wall..."
"Well, if they're naked, I know how I'm choosing that one."
 Emi, Liz

"I was like, what was the point? But then I was like, I can see your nipples, I don't care."

"Eric wears his string better than I do."

"No, you're not going to wrap my head in toilet paper."

"There's a My Little Pony dangling upside down from one hoof on the bottom of the computer desk. It amuses me."

"What?"
"I can't get off."
"I'm sorry. ... That sounds like a personal problem to me!"
 Liz, Mike Beatings ensued.

"He wanted me to move off the bed, see, so he could get up... That didn't sound ANY better."

"Yay, I can identify common animals, I'm so smart!"

"I don't know why everyone misses me so much... I'm just as annoying online as I am in person, jeez."

"I'm surrounded by Those of Questionable Taste!"

"Please, Bon Jovi, make my headache go away..."

"I think you'd like him, except for the militant conservatism."

"What is wrong with you?"
"What?... I can't have a twinkie while I bring the pain?"
"You make me speechless, Mari-Bess... Do you know how difficult that is?"
  Liz, Mibi

"I keep forgetting I'm black & not white..."

"Goddess Damnit all to Leesburg, where IS everyone?"