Dreams

Title: "Dreams"

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will.

Archive: Yes, just let me know where so I can visit.

Summary: Scully’s dreams are trying to tell her something. (Character death)

Feedback: Of course!! nancye_2000@yahoo.com

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"A dream is the answer to a question we haven’t yet figured out how to ask." -Fox Mulder, Irresistible

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Dreams

by Nancy Espinosa

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"God, why this is happening to me?"

Dana Scully asked herself. It has been two weeks now since the dreams started. Not that there were unpleasant dreams, but it was too much. She couldn’t even look at his partner in the eye.

Two straight weeks dreaming about him. It was old news her constant fantasies and dreams about him, but only occured once a week, sometimes once in two weeks. At the end of the month she could count them with just a hand. But now, every night was the same torture.

Yes, torture. When he walks into the office first thing in the morning, she cannot suppress the memories of the dream of the night before. She is willing to give anything, everything, to those dreams come true.

She now lays in her couch in the middle of her darken apartment. The clock in the wall reads 3:20 in the morning. How can you put a stop to those dreams? They’re so real, so wonderful. But as the nights go on, she can’t help herself feeling sad and depressed. The dreams are so real that when she wakes up, the feeling of emptiness in her stomach and her heart is unbearable. She feels like something she had, in her dream, is lost now that she is awake. How to put a end to this sweet torture?

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His lips are so soft. Sweet. Hot. His tongue. It feels wonderful dancing into my mouth. His teeth crushing with mine. I capture his breath into my mouth like if my life depended on it, like a breath of life he gives to me when he holds me like this, when he kisses me like this.

He brokes the kiss and looks down at me, searching into my eyes for an answer. I can feel his hand caressing my back from the back of my neck through the small of my back. Drawing small circles. His touch hypnotizes me. His eyes keep looking for an answer. How can’t he read it? I’m smiling at him with my eyes, I see myself reflected in his and I can tell my eyes have a bright a couple of minutes wasn’t there. Why he can’t read my eyes?

No. He can do it. I know because he’s now smiling to me, pressing me against him, holding me. We need no words.

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She opened her eyes and she feels again the emptiness in her body. Dreaming about his kiss and his embrace. Again. Now she can’t bear it anymore. Her hands shake and her forehead sweats. Her eyes cry. Her throat clenches. Her head spins. And the clock gives her the time: one of the morning. Is too much, too early. The dreams will come back.

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"Morning Scully"

Fox Mulder gets into the office and greets his partner sitting behind the desk. He’s surprised to find her there so early. Usually he’s the one to get early. And then, he notices.

"God Scully, what happened to you? Are you all right? You look sick."

Sculy looks up at him. He then sees the dark shadows under her red eyes. She’s not even wearing any makeup.

"I’m fine"

He rolled his eyes. "Don’t give me that crap Scully. I don’t fall by that one anymore. Tell me what’s going on, are you sick?"

For a moment he panicked thinking that maybe her cancer came back. Not again, he thought, please not again.

"No, I’m not sick Mulder. I didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all."

Relief made his body relaxed a bit. "That’s not all Scully. You look like if you haven’t slept in days"

"Ok Mulder, it’s true. I haven’t slept in three days. Nothing at all."

"But why? It’s something bothering you"

Yes Mulder, something bothers me. The fact that for three weeks I dream about you every fucking night and when I wake up I whish I hadn’t because I want you to hold me, to kiss me, to make love to me the way you do in my dreams and I can’t take it anymore!!.

That could be a good answer, she thinks. But she cannot do that.

"Forget about it Mulder, ok? It’s not a big deal. Sooner or later fatigue will get over me and finally I’ll be able to sleep again."

"I’m not so sure Scully. Nothing like this happened before to you. It’s just not you. I expect something like that from me, not from you."

Will he stop worrying about me? That’s sweet though. "Well, I guess now it’s me the one who can’t sleep. One more thing in common with you to add to the list, which is short by the way. Just leave me alone Mulder, please."

"Ok, if you want me to." But he wasn’t so sure about that, something was wrong with her.

Later that morning, he couldn’t stop thinking about Scully’s lack of sleep. She practically was a zombie. She was not in shape to be working. He saw all morning how she closed her eyes for seconds and how her head went back and forward. It was funny though to see her, but he was concerned, very.

"Um, Scully?"

She opened her eyes to see Mulder in front of her, inches from her face. Her heart started pounding hard, fast.

"I think you should go home and try to sleep, there’s not much to do here today, if something comes out I’ll give you a call, all right?"

She could feel his breath against her mouth, she could feel the smell of sunflower seed in his breath. She didn’t listen to him, she was too absorted watching his face, delighted by the proximity of him.

"Mm?" She murmured.

"You didn’t listen to me, what I just said?"

"No, I’m sorry." Finally she paid attention to him, now that the space between them grew larger.

"Scully please, you know you can tell me everything. What’s bothering you so much you can’t even sleep?"

She got up of the chair behind her desk and walked toward him. Her mind was playing games with her. Part of it said: tell him about the dreams, maybe that way you can stop dreaming about him. Yeah right. The other part said: don’t say a word about it, he’ll know your feelings, he’ll know you love him, that you want him, he’ll laugh of you. She was standing right in front of him.

"Ok Mulder, you want to know? I’ll tell you. You’re ready?"

He nodded in affirmation, not knowing exactly what would come next.

"For the last three weeks, I’ve been having very disturbing dreams. Not nightmares. Beautiful dreams actually."

He interrupted her. "I don’t see the problem then."

"Just shut up and listen to me." He nodded. "Those dreams are making me crazy. At first it was very pleasant. Now, I just can’t stand it anymore. Every night I dream about you. Not that it bothers me, no. In fact I used to dream about you at least five times a month. Yes, I dream about you Mulder, I fantasize about you. In my dreams you kiss me, you hold me, you make love to me. And it’s great. It’s a sensation I’ve always wondered if in real life would feel the same, or even better. But then I wake up and my body feels empty and I can’t bear it. I need to feel again your hands, your mouth, your body. And that’s why I don’t want to sleep, because I don’t want to feel the emptiness in my body, I don’t want to feel the need of you."

Mulder looked at her with a deep sweetness in his eyes and smiled at her. Then he raised his hands to cup her face. And before she even noticed what was going on, she felt his lips against hers.

**His lips are so soft. Sweet. Hot. His tongue. It feels wonderful dancing into my mouth. His teeth crushing with mine. I capture his breath into my mouth like if my life depended on it, like a breath of life he gives to me when he holds me like this, when he kisses me like this.

No. He can do it. I know because he’s now smiling to me, pressing me against him, holding me. We need no words.**

"Now you can sleep Scully, right?"

"I love you" she whispers into his chest. Then she realizes what just happened is exactly what she dreamt the last night she slept. She didn’t give it importance.

"I love you too." he told her.

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I can’t stop looking at him. He looks so peaceful, so happy. I’ve never seen him like this before. I’ve never seen this expression in his face. After all, he loves me. As much as I love him.

I can’t believe he’s sleeping next to me. In my bed. I can’t believe we finally made love. Our entwined bodies danced to the rythm of our pounding hearts. Each thrust leading us to paradise. We got there together in perfect harmony. Wishing to stay there forever.

I smiled at him when I see he’s waking up. He returns my smile. I reach for him and kiss him fully on the lips. I can feel him smiling against my mouth. He then gets up off the bed and heads to the kitchen.

"Wait for me. Stay in bed. I’ll make something special for breakfast, ok?"

I just nod in affirmation and see him go half naked. I love this man.

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She woke up in the car, beside him, with a smile in her face. Another dream. But this dream didn’t bother her. The emptiness is not there anymore. She knows she can have his hands, his mouth and all his body for herself whenever she wants.

"Scully, you should get some more sleep, I don’t think the suspect will appear soon. I’ll wake you up if something happens, ok?" he caressed with his thumb the edge of her jaw through her cheek.

"No Mulder. I’m fine. I’ve slept enough for now." He leaned down and kissed her. She closed her eyes tenderly telling him she was fine.

My dream was beautiful Mulder. She thought to herself.

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Several hours later, they decided to go. There were no signals of the suspect and they needed a rest. Scully suggested they could go to her apartment. He agreed immediately.

They got some dinner and later they laid on the couch, holding each other.

"Scully, I can’t believe this is happening."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I never expected to be like this with you. I thought I’d die without knowing what it was like to kiss you and make love to you."

"You still don’t know how it feels making love to me Mulder."

"Yeah, but my intention is not to wait too much."

She smiled at that and added:

"What I never thought was that I would be the one to confess my feelings first. I always thought I was strong enough to keep hiding them and that sooner or later you’d be the one to tell me how you felt."

"You were that sure of yourself?"

"I was. And look how life changed the roles. But I’m glad, maybe you’d have waited six more years to tell me and I’d be already in a mental institution all because of those dreams."

He kissed her head and rubbed her arms up and down with his hands.

"Scully?"

"Mm?"

"I want to make love to you."

She turned to look at him. Her eyes dark of desire. His the same.

"Don’t say it, just do it." she whispered.

And without hesitation they got into her bedroom and let their love and passion drive them. It was exactly what they expected, even more. Lovemaking have never been so sensual and sweet at the same time. So many years under sexual tension and unspoken love. So many years playing cat and mouse. So many years...and now, that sexual tension was released sensually and the love finally spoke their "I love yous" with tenderness.

They laid in her bed after they reached ecstasy and both fell asleep till the first sunbeams of the morning appeared in the bedroom. She woke up first and realized he was still beside her.

**I can’t stop looking at him. He looks so peaceful, so happy. I’ve never seen him like this before. I’ve never seen this expression in his face. After all, he loves me. As much as I love him.

"Wait for me. Stay in bed. I’ll make something special for breakfast, ok?"

I just nod in affirmation and see him go half naked. I love this man.**

About a half an hour later he enters the bedroom again with a delicious breakfast. Orange juice, coffee, french toast and ommelettes. He slides into bed next to her sharing the food served in a single plate. She enjoys blindly this moment, trying not to give it importance to the dream she had and just lived a half an hour ago.

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"Mulder look out!"

I scream to him as I see the man raising his arm, knife in hand. He turns around to see him at the same time he looks for his gun. I only see red. Red. Red. Blood. Blood. He doesn’t even have time to pull out his gun. That man is really fast, just inserts the knife directly in Mulder’s heart, takes his wallet and runs.

I run directly to Mulder. He’s laying on the floor. He’s bleeding too much. God! I scream to heaven. Don’t take him away from me, please. Not now. I hold him in my arms and I talk to him.

"Mulder, hold on please. Just for me, hold on. You’ll be ok."

I lie to him. I know he’s not gonna be ok. I know he’s going to die. He’s going to die in my arms and I can’t do anything to stop it! We’ve lived six months in paradise. I don’t want to believe we’re getting into hell. We’ve lived in hell for five years now, we deserve more than that, he deserves more than that. My hell was of five years but he was living in it since Samantha disappeared. He deserves more than this.

Then, with a lot of effort he reaches for the pocket inside his coat and tells me with a husky voice, to open my hand. I do as he tells me. He deposits in my palm a little black box. My heart hurts. I know what this is. He tells me to open it. And I do so. I take between my thumb and my index finger the gorgeous ring. An engagement ring. He wants to put it on my finger by himself. I hand him the ring and he slides the cold ring into my finger.

"Would you marry me Scully?"

I can’t hold the tears forming in my eyes and before I can say anything to him, his muscles relaxes and his eyes stare at me lifeless, without bright.

He’s gone.

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"Mulder, no!!"

Mulder wakes up immediately when he hears Scully screaming. He turns on the light on the side table.

"Scully, I’m here, what happened? Are you all right?"

Her whole body was shaking. She was cold. Her forehead and palms sweating. Her eyes crying. It was a disturbing dream. The worst in her life.

"Mulder, hold me please. Don’t let go of me. Don’t leave me!"

He held her close to him, rocking her in his arms, frightened by the situation.

"I’m not going anywhere Scully. I’m here with you. Look at me." He lifted her chin to make her look at him. "I love you Scully, everything will be okay. Just get back to sleep. I won’t leave you. I promise."

She fell asleep lulled by his rocking embrace, but she knew it wasn’t gonna be all right. All her dreams during those six months became true and she feared this was no exception.

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They were taking a walk in the mall. Looking into the sideboards of the stores. It had been a perfect day for them and six months since they started their relationship.

They spent the entire morning making love. Then they went to Maggie’s house to eat something and finally they went to the mall. It was strange even for Scully. She used to go to the mall, but only to buy necessary items. She never liked to hang out or just walk in the mall. And Mulder. Well, this was definitely new for him. In his childhood his parents took him to the mall a couple of times and as a grown up, he wasn’t interested. But now, it is different. It is completely different walk in the mall hand by hand with the love of your life.

Scully stood in front of a big sideboard looking at the fine dresses and suits. Mulder saw a bookstore with an ad about a new book related to UFOs. His curiosity guided him to the store.

Seconds later Scully noticed Mulder wasn’t there. She turned her head to find him outside the book store.

"Mulder look out!"

I scream to him as I see the man raising his arm, knife in hand. He turns around to see him at the same time he looks for his gun. I run as fast as I can and my heart hurts. I only see red. Red. Blood. He doesn’t even have time to pull out his gun. That man is really fast, just inserts the knife directly in my heart, and runs. He didn’t took any wallet this time.

I feel Mulder kneeling beside me. I’m laying on the floor. I’m bleeding too much. God! I scream to heaven. I don’t want to die! Not now. He holds me in his arms and talks to me.

"Scully, don’t die. Don’t leave me. Hold on. For me, please!"

I can see the tears in his eyes. I know I’m not gonna be ok. I know I’m going to die. I’m going to die in his arms and I can’t do anything to stop it! We’ve lived six months in paradise. I don’t want to believe we’re getting into hell. We’ve lived in hell for five years now, we deserve more than that. He deserves more than that. My hell was of five years but he was living in it since Samantha disappeared, that’s why he couldn’t die. He needs to find her and put an end to his hell. That’s why I choose to die in his place.

Then, he reaches for the pocket inside his coat The little black box from my dreams is now in his hand. My heart hurts. He takes the ring between his thumb and his index finger. The gorgeous ring I won’t wear long enough. An engagement ring. He slides the cold ring into my finger and between sobs and cries he opens his mouth.

"Would you marry me Scully?"

I can’t hold the tears forming in my eyes. But I won’t die without answer him, not this time. I manage to articulate the words, my chest hurts so much. My voice is low.

"Yes Mulder. I’ll marry you. I love you. I’ll love you always...and...I’ll...be waiting...for you. Find her....Mulder...find Samantha...for me...for us."

And then I can’t see him anymore, but I hear him crying and screaming my name. I just see a white light. The stronger light I’ve ever seen and now I know I’m on my way to eternity.

I’m gone.

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Yes, I know it’s cruel. And I know Mulder will feel lonely and guilty. I know. But I just couldn’t help myself for writing this. Any Feedback? nancye_2000@yahoo.com

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