Title - "Together Alone" (1/4)
Author -  A. K. Naten
E-Mail address -  lhweaver@hotmail.com
Rating - R + some NC-17
Category - S / R / A
Spoilers - Duane Barry/Ascension, Irresistible
Keywords - Mulder/Scully Romance; Rape; Angst
Summary - An attempt at a realistic story about Mulder and Scully and
how their relationship becomes more than partners and friends.

DISCLAIMER: The X-Files and the characters of Mulder and Scully and
others belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, Fox
Broadcasting, blahblahblah, and are used without permission .. .i'm
just *borrowing * them.  No copyright infringement is intended, and I
doubt any profit will be gained.

THIS IS A SHIPPER PIECE - that's your warning.  Funny thing is, I never
really considered myself a "shipper" until I started writing this -- go
figure.  This litany was begun in late 1997, during the 4th and 5th
seasons, so it should be read with that in mind.  This is my maiden
voyage at writing XF fanfic, so please be kind with your criticisms. 
Also, I'm not the best typist and I'm sure there are misspellings and
grammatical errors everywhere, so don't be too harsh, lest you damage
my fragile ego ;-)   This piece sat idle on my PC for over a year,
until I finally convinced myself to finish it and submit it someplace. 
I've only submitted it to Gossamer - however, if it is being passed on,
I ask that you give me proper credit and keep my name and all pertinent
information intact.  Feedback, should you feel the urge, can be
directed to: lhweaver@hotmail.com.  


Together Alone
By A. K. Naten

Part 1 of 4 


The rain was pounding relentlessly on the roof of the old warehouse. 
Scully and Mulder had tracked a suspect to the old place, followed him
inside, and had now been crouched in a corner for what seemed like an
eternity, waiting for their suspect to make a move.  The place was
dark, old, musty, and extremely decrepit.  It was getting to them.

Mulder shifted impatiently.  His legs were killing him, and he was
ready to scream from waiting so long for the guy to make a move.  He
sighed impatiently and looked at his partner.
"Dammit.... what the hell is he waiting for?!"
Scully let out an annoyed sigh as well and shifted her weight onto a
different muscle group.  Her shoes were murdering her feet, and she was
very close to losing her patience with the whole stake-out.  She
watched her partner fidget with his gun.  
"I think we lost him....he had to have slipped out by now,"  she said
anxiously as Mulder gave her a disgusted look.  He huffed and stood up
abruptly.
"Well I'm not waiting here anymore, I'm gonna go see if I can flush him
out or something." He started to creep toward the steps that they saw
their suspect ascend about 1/2 hour ago.
"Wait! Mulder!" Scully scrambled to get to her feet, the right one
being partially asleep.  They both climbed the stairs carefully and
quietly, guns drawn in precision.  As they reached the top, the
staircase groaned loudly.  A long, dark hallway stretched out before
them.  They looked at each other and silently agreed that Mulder would
proceed down the hall to check it out.  Mulder made his move down the
hall, quickly stopping and checking out all the small rooms along the
way.  Scully held back at the top of the stairs, keeping a close eye
for any movement.  It was strangely quiet, save for the sound of the
rain pelting the roof, and Mulder throwing doors open.  Mulder reached
the end of the hall and the end of the rooms.  He dropped his arms down
by his sides, feeling defeated and outsmarted, and shrugged at Scully. 
Scully also dropped her guard and put her hands on her hips dejectedly.
  
"I dont think he's here, Scully.  I think he gave us the slip,
big-time."  Mulder began walking back toward Scully, looking around
again.  
"Although, I dont understand how or where he could have gotten out. 
There are no windows in these rooms, and no ceiling vents or anything,
so I think that he --- "

Before he could finish, a shot rang out.  Mulder jolted around, drawing
his gun and his flashlight.  His light shone on Scully.  She was crying
out in agony, clutching her abdomen, and falling to her knees.  
"Scully! Scullyyyyyy!!" Mulder lunged toward her, trying to grab her
before she toppled down the stairs, but he was too late.  He watched in
horror as Scully's body rolled down the metal stairway and landed with
a thud on the concrete floor below.  
"Noo, Sculllyyy!!!  Nooo!!! You sonofabitch!!!! Where are you!!!??" 
Mulder screamed and waved his gun and flashlight in front of him,
searching desperately for the shooter.  He shuffled himself to the top
of the stairs, leaning against the banisters, his mind racing
maniacally, his eyes darting wildly, and his heart thudding in his
chest.  He had to get to Scully, but he knew the shooter was still out
there somewhere in the blackness.  Then, he heard the laughter.  A
deep, sadistic chuckling echoing everywhere in the warehouse.  Mulder's
eyes strained to see what direction it was coming from.  His senses
were going crazy, the laughing seemed to come from all directions,
growing louder and louder.  
"Show yourself, you cowardly bastard!!!"  Mulder stood and pointed his
gun in all directions, his hand betraying him by shaking.  Another shot
rang out, slamming into Mulder's lower leg.  He cried out as it ripped
into the flesh of his calf, bringing him crashing down at the top of
the stairs.  The laughter came again, then a deep bellowing voice
taunted.

"I'm sooooo disappointed in you two.  I had hoped for a lot more fun! 
...I'm sorry about your lovely partner Agent Mulder ... I hope I didnt
hurt her *too * badly ...... this time!"   More laughter.  Mulder
looked up to see the shadowy figure of a man walking out a side door
and into the ferocious rain storm.
"Noooooooooo!" Mulder screamed as he clutched his leg and fell back on
the floor.

'Jesus Christ,' he thought to himself, 'Scully, oh God, Scully'.  He
scrambled down the stairs, dragging his injured leg and trying not to
fall.  Scully lay motionless at the bottom of the stairs, blood pooling
onto the floor beneath her.  Mulder cried out in anguish and nearly
burst apart at the sight. 

"Oh Jesus.....oh god! Scully! SCULLY!!? Can you hear me!?"  Mulder
grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly, fumbling for a
pulse,  but she remained silent.  He stared at her in disbelief,
brushing her hair away from her face, trying to comprehend what had
happened.  She was unconscious, her skin was cold and clammy, and her
pulse was weak.  He pulled his hand back from her head and saw that it
was drenched with her blood.  He was beginning to panic.  He was
trained for a situation like this, yet he had no idea what to do.  His
mind swirled in a maelstrom of confusion as he fought for control of
himself.
"Oh please... god... PLEASE!!  NOOOOO!!!"  His own scream brought his
mind back to reality as he remembered his cell phone.  Punching the
numbers frantically, he managed to call for an ambulance, then knelt
down and carefully cradled Scully's head in his arms, brushing her hair
and kissing her forehead.  He squeezed his eyes shut and whispered to
her.
"Please Scully.... please, hang on."  He hesitantly brought his hand
down to her blood-saturated blouse and jacket, and peeled the jacket
back to try to see the extent of damage to her abdomen.  It looked like
the bullet tore through her side, but he couldnt quite tell, blood
seemed to be oozing out everywhere.  He felt bile rise in his throat
and began to hyperventilate at the resurging panic creeping up his
spine.  Fighting for control again, and ignoring the searing pain in
his calf, he stretched his legs along either side of Scully and gently
laid her head to rest on his thigh, caressing her softly as the crimson
liquid continued to drain out of her body and onto the concrete floor. 
She let out a slight strangled moan and moved her head a bit.  
"Scully?! Scully?! Can you hear me?!" He whispered desperately to his
motionless partner, his lower lip betraying him with a quiver.  She
didnt move again.
"You hang on Scully! You hang on....... DAMMIT!!!!  Where the FUCK is
that AMBULANCE!?!?!!"  He watched her chest barely rising and falling
as the color drained from her face completely, seeping out of her and
onto the hard, dirty floor beneath him.  Incredible dread began to fill
him as he lowered his head to hers as the tears began to roll down his
cheeks.  The wail of a siren pierced the night sky as he closed his
eyes and rested his face against her.  
"You'll be OK Scully, you hear me? ...you're gonna be OK...," he
whimpered quietly into her hair, 
"You can't leave now Scully..... you cant  leave me!"  He clutched her
tightly as the sirens drew closer.

*************************************

Dana Scully awakened to find herself looking up at a white ceiling, the
beeping and humming of machinery all around her, the familiar hospital
smell of antiseptics and stale bed pans filling her nostrils.  She
closed her eyes and groaned softly.  A large, warm hand clasped hers
and squeezed gently.  She opened her eyes to see Fox Mulder hovering
over her, his eyes moist with tears and filled with grief, his face
weary with stubbly beard growth, and large dark circles evident under
his eyes.  But..... he had a smile on his lips. 

"Hi....welcome back to the land of the living."  Dana could only look
into his eyes, trying to piece everything together in her mind.  She
was obviously in a hospital, and obviously injured, as a horrific pain
in her abdomen informed her.  She just didnt remember everything quite
yet.  Mulder could read the confusion and fear in her eyes as he
watched the questions popping behind her eyes and filling her
drug-hazed mind.

"You got shot.  Remember, we were at the warehouse chasing Jennings?" 
She looked around for a minute, but he could tell she still didnt quite
remember everything. 
"If it makes you feel any better, I got shot too."  With that
admission, Scully gave Mulder a slight smile.  His eyes welled up a bit
and he whispered to her,  "You're gonna be okay Scully."   He hung his
head and shook it, then he looked deep into her eyes, his sorrow plain.
"I'm sorry......jesus, Scully... I'm so glad you're OK."  His voice
cracked, and he kissed her hand softly, then he leaned down and kissed
her forehead, allowing his lips to linger there for a few moments.  Her
skin was soft and warm under his nervous lips.
"I'll be fine, Mulder," Scully managed to choke out in a whisper.  "Can
I have some water or something, my throat is so dry."  
"Sure, sure Scully, here."  Mulder got a glass of water and reached
behind her head with his other hand to help her hold her head up.  He
brought the glass to her lips and she drank slowly.  She laid her head
back down and looked up at him.
"Thanks, Mulder."  She rasped quietly.
"Anytime, Scully." he replied with a sad smile, then he leaned over and
place another lingering kiss on her forehead and brushed her hair away
from the side of her face.
Scully could see the sadness in his eyes, and she guessed that he was
quite upset over what had happened and her being injured again.  She
was beginning to remember the events leading up to the shooting, and
she couldnt remember anything happening that would have placed any
blame on Mulder.  So why was he clinging to her?  Was she in worse
shape than she thought?  Had something else happened?  
"Mulder.....how badly am I hurt?"
"Bad enough, but the doctors say you'll make a full recovery.  The
bullet went right through your side, and you fractured your arm pretty
badly and cracked your head pretty good when you fell down the stairs. 
Aside from some other bumps, cuts, and bruises, they say you'll be
outta here in a few days."
"Oh, well, is that ALL?" she smiled.  He still wasn't telling her
something.
"What else Mulder? What aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing, nothing, its just......well.....you've been unconscious for a
couple days and...."
"And what?"
"Nothing, I just.....I was.....well......"  Mulder felt tears stinging
his eyes, and he closed them and hung his head down and shook it,
fighting again for control.
"You really *scared* me, Scully......I mean, I was just *REALLY*
scared......seeing you unconscious again, it brought back some *really*
bad memories, y'know." He sighed deeply.
"I thought I was going to lose you......again."  He let out a huge sigh
and tried to look away from her, running his hand through his hair
nervously.  Scully, surprised by his reaction and his obviously being
near tears, said nothing.  She knew he was referring to the dark days
that surrounded her life-and-death struggle in the hospital after her
abduction, and her recent frightening bout with cancer.  She squeezed
his hand and smiled gently at him as his eyes met hers again.  
"I'm still here Mulder...... I'm not going anywhere."

He stared into her azure eyes and wished so badly that he could tell
her just *how* frightened he had been.  For two maddening days and
nights he had stayed at her bedside, trying desperately to will her
back to him.  How he had missed her intense eyes and her demure smile
looking at him, arguing with him.  He wanted to throw himself over her
and hug her so tightly, he wanted to kiss her lips and tell
her......tell her......tell her what?!  He cursed himself.  Tell her
that you love her? She'd laugh in your face and tell you that your
'current emotional state was impairing your feelings', and that 'you
would feel differently in the morning'-- he could hear it all now.  But
he knew he wouldn't feel different in the morning.  He knew for certain
that he loved her more than anything, and having her nearly taken from
him drove the point home loud and clear.  But there was no way in hell
he could tell her that; they were partners and friends, nothing more,
he reminded himself, NOTHING MORE.  They couldn't be....they COULDN'T
be.  Scully wouldn't feel the same way.....would she?  No, she
wouldnt...she couldn't.  Mulder stared at her face as she drifted back
to sleep, her eyelids blinking slower and slower.  God, she was
beautiful ... more beautiful than ever, he thought to himself.  He
could swear that her lips were calling to him, and he felt his palms
growing sweaty.  He leaned over her after her eyes finally closed and
placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, then her cheek, then...... he
paused at her mouth - he shouldnt, he knew he shouldn't; but he wanted
to so badly.  He brushed her lips ever so softly -- quickly and
lightly.  'There, she'll never know,' he thought to himself.

*************************************

A few days had passed, and it was time for Scully to be released from
the hospital.  She had phoned Mulder to tell him that she was going
home today, and he'd offered to drive her home.  The doctor came into
the room with her chart, flipping through all the papers.
"Well Ms., uh, 'Dr.' Scully, you are free to go home today."
"Thank *God *," she said impatiently.  
"I dont think I could hack another day in this place -- no offense
Doctor," she threw an apologetic glance back at the Doctor as she
started to shift herself out of the bed.   Mulder chuckled quietly in
the corner.
"None taken *Doctor*."  He smiled and crossed his arms over his chart. 
"You do realize, Dana, that we have to place some conditions on your
release."  Dana stopped abruptly and turned to his with a surprised
look on her face.
"Conditions?  What kind of conditions?"   Mulder had to stifle his
chuckle.
"Well, for one, you're not driving yourself home."  Scully seemed to
agree to this.
"Two, you won't be driving any time soon with your injuries," Scully
twisted her mouth slightly,
"And three, you must stay with someone, or someone must stay with you
for a few days to make sure you're completely stable.  After all, you
did have a nasty concussion, you're still taking some heavy
medications, and your other injuries will keep you disabled for a
little while."  
'Uh-oh... that third one isn't gonna fly buddy.'  Mulder thought to
himself with a grin.
"Disabled??  And I have to STAY with someone???" Scully asked
incredulously, he eyes wide with surprise.
"Doctor, may I remind you that *I* am a doctor, and I am QUITE capable
of taking of myself!"
The doctor seemed to know this argument was coming, he held his hand
up.
"Yes, I know, *DR.* Scully, but I'm afraid I cannot and will not
compromise on this.  You must have arrangements made before we can
release you.  Don't you have a relative or a friend who can stay with
you for a week or two?"  
Scully huffed indignantly and crossed her arms.  "No, I do not."

As he watched Dana ponder the situation, Mulder knew what was going
through her head. There was no way in hell that Dana Scully was going
to let someone babysit her. She would try her best to lie her way out
of this one. He couldnt wait to see how it ended.  As Dana continued to
argue with her doctor, Mulder decided he would offer to stay with her.
She would refuse, of course, but, if she picked up on his intention,
which was to allow her to leave the hospital under the pretense that he
would take care of her, she would go along with it in front of her
doctor. He stepped out of the corner of the room and approached them. 
"Scully, you can stay with me....or, I can stay with you for awhile." 
He looked directly into her eyes, gauging her reaction.  She stared at
him and opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Finally,
"Uhhh, well, uhmm,  thats kind of you, Mulder, but, uh... I can see if
my Mom is available or something."
"I thought you said she was out of town, that's why you couldn't call
her?"
"Oh, uhhh, yah..... I forgot."
"I promise I won't try to kill you with my cooking, and I promise to
put the toilet seat down after I use it,"  Mulder said with a grin.  He
looked deep into her eyes, hoping he understood his intentions.  She
stared back at him, questioning him, but finally, understanding what he
was offering,
"Ok Mulder, ok.... but we'll stay at my place, ok? I think it would be
a bit more comfortable, if you get my drift."
Mulder clapped his chest in mock indignation, "Why Scully, are you
insulting my humble abode?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I am Mulder," she replied with a subdued grin.
"Well then, let's get you checked out of here."  The Doctor said
approvingly.
"Agent Mulder," the doctor motioned to him.  "I'll need your name and
signature on some of these release forms."  The Doctor handed Mulder a
bunch of papers, and as he signed them, he glanced sideways at Scully,
who looked back at him with her classic 'you're being very naughty'
look.  After Mulder had signed everything and the Doctor left the room,
Mulder turned to face Scully with his hands tucked sheepishly in his
pockets.
"I guess I should thank you?" Scully asked, arching her eyebrows.
"Y'know Scully, you REALLY should heed the good Doctor's advice. You
DID have a bad concussion, and you do have a broken arm."  Mulder began
thinking seriously about the situation. Scully did need someone, she
was just too proud to admit it. He thought how he would feel in her
situation. Would he want her to stay with him? Of course he would!
...that would fulfill quite a fantasy for him.  But, assuming that
Scully didnt feel the same way about him, he knew that she would be
more than uncomfortable with that type of arrangement.  'God what I
would give to *really* stay with you,' Mulder thought privately.
Scully's angry argument quickly brought him out of his reverie.
"..... I mean, you know that, don't you Mulder?" Scully queried,
looking intently at Mulder.
"Uh, what? ...I'm sorry, I wasn't really listening to that last part
Scully."
Scully sighed disgustedly, shook her head, then turned and hopped down
off her bed. She began busying herself, collecting her personal
belongings so that she could get the hell out of the hospital.
'God, this is the LAST thing I wanted!' she told herself inwardly. She
mentally pictured what it would be like having Mulder babysitting her.
He would wait on her hand and foot, while she lounged on the sofa, or
in her bed. No, she thought, he would taunt and tease me about
EVERYTHING, and drive me crazy - that would be the more realistic
picture. But what if he didn't? What if he really was sweet and caring
toward her? She vaguely remembered his numerous kisses of the last
several days, which she was sure he didn't know she was aware of, and
she wondered what was going through his head.  'Well, it doesn't
matter,' she admonished herself. 'He is my PARTNER and my friend,
NOTHING more. He can't possibly think of being anything more,' she told
herself.  '....Can he?'
Scully knew that she was a difficult person. She knew that she was
perceived as cold-hearted, unforgiving, and a bitch in general. For the
most part, she accepted that, and she had decided a long time ago that
she could live with that reputation.  She had set high standards and
goals for herself, and she was bound and determined to distinguish
herself from the throngs of wayward people with no real aspirations. 
However, her heart betrayed her mind at times.  While she consciously
set about the task of attaining her goals, subconsciously, her heart
ached for something quite different. Something that she was sure no one
could ever give her. It wasnt just a fun time, or a good laugh, or even
great sex, it was something much deeper. It was true companionship,
true love ..... a true soul mate. Someone with whom she could share her
real secrets, her real desires, her real feelings. Sometimes she would
sit alone, at night, in her apartment and wonder what it would be like
to have someone to share her life with. She looked at all her married
friends, some with kids, and she would ask herself over and over, 'am I
*really* happy?' Sure, she weighed the pros and cons of her career
versus being married with children, and lately she was having a hard
time justifying her choice of career. She NEVER imagined herself
wanting marriage, let alone children. She had written that possibility
off a long time ago.  However, lately, those thoughts had been crossing
her mind more frequently, and it bothered her. She had always thought
that she knew exactly what she wanted in life.  She knew she was moody
as hell lately, and she insisted it was anything *except* her deep
internal longings. She tried to convince herself that her close and
unusual relationship with Fox Mulder was good enough. That their unique
partnership filled the 'companion' void in her life. But, deep inside,
when she felt compelled to be truly honest with herself, she knew that
she wanted more. More from Mulder? Maybe.....No, maybe *not*; he
confused her feelings even more than she did herself. Mulder was her
friend and business confidant; but could he be more than that? She did
not want to venture a guess. She knew that he trusted her, when he
trusted no one else at all. He was too self-absorbed in his quest for
the 'truth' to even notice that she was a woman, let alone anything
more.  She knew that he cared deeply for her, but only as a partner and
good friend....right? Surely he would never think of her as more than
that.....would he? No, he couldnt, he wouldnt........but what about
those kisses he'd been planting on her lately? And what about all the
caressing and touching that he had been doing lately, when he thought
she was asleep? Yes, what about that, Dana?  She refused to let herself
jump to conclusions. We absolutely could NOT be anything more than what
we are; it would ruin everything, she told herself. Everything they'd
worked so hard for all these years.  It could NOT work. I mean, what
would happen? she asked herself.  We would sleep together, we would
feel stupid, cheap, and weird, then we wouldn't be able to work
together, and the X-Files would totally fall apart, and we would be
miserable and end up hating each other. THAT is what would happen, and
she refused to let herself think about it anymore.  As she finished
gathering her things in the room, she looked up to see Mulder slipping
out the door. She quickly got changed into her own clothes, which, she
realized, Mulder had thoughtfully brought from her house at some point
in time. He is very thoughtful, when he wants to be, she thought to
herself. But he can also be a royal pain in the ass too. He could be so
conceited and condescending, so self-righteous and self-centered that
she wanted to smack him much more than once. But, aside from all his
smart retorts and sarcastic jabs, she knew that he respected her
intelligence and abilities, and she knew that he respected HER.
Actually, she enjoyed their bantering and arguing. It kept her sharp,
and in some sick way, it was like intellectual foreplay. She almost
thought that it was some sort of constant flirtation; her always
presenting an argument, and him giving her a flippant comeback, always
with that smirk on his lips and sparkle in his eyes.'Well, it doesnt
matter what I think subconsciously, CONSCIOUSLY, I will NOT have him
babysit me,' she reminded herself. She wasnt sure just how she would
manage, as she looked at her arm in the cumbersome cast and sling, but
she would figure out something.  A soft tapping sounded on the door.
"Hey Scully, you decent?" Mulder asked throught the wood.
"Yah, Im ready." Mulder opened the door and peeked in.
"Darn, thought maybe I could catch a glimpse of you in your Victoria's
Secret duds!" he chuckled, quickly fantasizing her standing in front of
him in a silky bra and panties. 'Dont go there Mulder old boy,' he
scolded himself. Scully meanwhile gave him a disapproving glare and
bent to pick up her bag full of belongings.
"Here, wait, let me get that." Mulder reached and grabbed her bag out
of her hands.
"Mulder, for heavens sake, I am not a complete invalid! I can carry a
little plastic bag!" Scully could tell that this was going to be
difficult. He was going to play the guard dog thing to the hilt.
Actually, she wondered why she was so angry at his intentions. Was he
just playing the part and being chivalrous, or was he genuinely
concerned for her well-being, and felt the need to help her.  He jumped
back and put his hands up in front of her.
"Okay, okay!  Jesus Scully, I was just trying to help out."  He looked
at her with confused eyes. She thought she even saw some hurt in them.
She suddenly felt very guilty for snapping at him.
"No, I'm sorry Mulder." She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.
"I just," she shrugged, "I just HATE feeling inept. I mean, I cannot
tolerate being incapacitated in any way, shape, or form ... you know
that."  Mulder gently touched her shoulder and smiled slightly.
"Yes, I know that Scully. But I am NOT trying to make you feel like an
invalid. I just want to help you, thats all." He looked imploringly at
her with soft eyes. Yes, she definitely felt like shit for snapping.
"Mulder," she looked him in the eyes, "you know I'm not very good at
saying 'thanks' and that sort of thing, so..... well," she looked at
the wall, the floor, the wall, and then back at him, "so, *thank you *,
ok? For saving me, for watching over me, and for springing me from this
place." She looked at the floor and back at him again, "For just caring
about me."  Mulder felt his heart swell. She was THANKING him, and he
felt that she really meant it. He couldnt help but smile, and he found
himself stepping closer to her and reaching out to hug her carefully.
He hugged her gently and whispered in her ear, 
"I've always cared Scully, and I always WILL care." She felt herself
accepting his embrace, and she wrapped her able arm around his body. He
felt so good, so strong, so warm. She pushed her face into his chest
and clutched at his back harder, lingering in the mixed scent of his
cologne and his freshly laundered shirt. A warm feeling spread from her
chest out to her arms and her face, and she suddenly realized she was
going to cry. She further shocked herself by letting out a gasp and a
sob.  Mulder thought at first that she was laughing, and he released
his grip and began to step back when she clutched at him tighter and
kept her head at his chest. He realized then that she was crying
instead.
"Scully? Whats the matter?" he asked gently.  She didnt answer him
right away. He put his arms around her again and rested his chin on her
head. He gently stroked her back and whispered to her, "Its okay to cry
Scully, you're only human, and you've been through a hell of a lot.
You're okay now, I'm here for you." She released her grip and stepped
back from him slightly, still holding her head down and wiping the
tears away.
"Im sorry, I.....I dont know what came over me."  She was embarrassed
now, and she tried desperately to regain her cool, calm 'professional'
facade.
"Its okay.....really." He touched her shoulder again.  She looked up at
him quickly and then dropped her head again.
"I, uh, I guess something just set me off, you know.  I'm fine now."
Mulder chuckled quietly and shook his head.
"Always trying to rationalize and analyze everything, arent you?"  She
jerked her head up and stared into his eyes indignantly.
"What do you mean?" she demanded.
"I just mean that it always amazes me that you cant let yourself just
be human, and let your true feelings show, especially to me." He stared
back at her with equal intent, daring her to explain herself.
"You know I am not an emotional person, Mulder. And you should know by
now that being weak and letting your feelings run rampant can get you
into a LOT of  trouble, especially in the line of duty."
She crossed her arms and tried her best to look superior.
"I'm not talking about 'in the line of duty' Scully, I'm talking about
'in private'; just between You and Me. I know you have feelings as well
as I do. I just don't understand why you feel you can't express them to
me. You know I would never make fun of you, or think less of you.  You
can trust me, Scully." he looked sincerely at her face, but she huffed
indignantly and turned to looking out the window, avoiding him.  'She's
so good at avoiding her feelings and putting up walls,' he thought.
'Dammit! If she would just talk to me.'  She looked back at him
briefly.
"I appreciate your sentiments Mulder, *really *. Can you just take me
home now, please." She curtly turned away and started toward the door. 
Mulder reached down and grabbed her bag before she could get it. She
pursed her lips and shot him an annoyed look, but he just forced a
smile and opened the door, making a long 'after you' gesture with his
arm. Scully shook her head exasperatedly and marched out the door. They
began walking down the hall, and Mulder absentmindedly placed his hand
on her back, gently guiding her. She didn't mind, he always did it, and
she actually liked the secure feeling it gave her. She wondered why he
was pushing her about her 'feelings' though.  Normally he knew that
discussing such things was taboo with her, and he understood her need
to be so emotionally detached from everything. Besides, where does HE
get off telling her to express *her * feelings!  Why was he trying to
get her to open up? What was he up to?  The man simply exasperated her,
and she tried to forget about it. She decided that she would ask him
about some 'safe' topics on the ride to her apartment.  When they
reached Mulder's car, he was extra careful in helping her get into the
car, and he quickly grabbed the seatbelt to put it on for her, which
pissed her off slightly, but she refrained from scolding him.  He was
so close to her when he pulled the belt down and tried to buckle it ...
it seemed to Scully that he purposely lingered and acted like he
couldnt get it buckled. She was very uncomfortable having his face so
close to her body.  She realized that she was sitting as stiff as a
board, with her head pushed back into the head rest.  Mulder fumbled
with the seat belt latch. 'Damn! Just get it *in * Mulder!' he chided
himself. He felt his eyes not looking at the buckle latch, but instead
looking at her body so close to his face. He wanted to reach down and
touch her waist, her thigh, her... 'Stop it!!' he yelled at himself.
With that, the latch clicked into place, and he quickly jerked back out
of the car door.  He grinned sheepishly and said red-faced,
"All done."
"Are you sure?" Scully asked sarcastically, arching her eyebrows and
looking at his embarassed face. He just smirked, closed the door, and
walked around to his side. 'Damn!' he thought privately. 'What the hell
has come over me lately?' Mulder felt a rush of strange sensations
washing over him. He ran his hand through his hair and climbed quickly
into the car.They drove in silence for several minutes, both feeling
awkward for reasons that they didn't fully understand. Mulder wondered
why he felt so nervous, like a high school kid on a date. What had
changed?  He and Scully had been together for such a long time, he
thought it impossible for him to have any kind of strange feelings
about her. They'd been through practically everything together: fear,
tragedy, abandonment, kidnaping, life and death struggles -- he
couldn't even name all the things they'd seen together.  How many happy
times had they seen together? he wondered.  Not a whole hell of a lot
Mulder thought; not a whole hell of a lot. Something told him that he
wanted to give Scully some happy times. He felt she deserved them, and
he felt partially responsible for her not having them.  He certainly
could use some 'happy times' too. He stole a sideways glance at Scully.
She was looking out her window silently, no expression on her face. 
Mulder thought she looked especially tiny and frail.  Her skin looked
like a china doll; pale white porcelain with luscious ruby lips.  Her
copper hair was longer than she usually wore it, and it was pushed
behind her ears.  Her eyes looked hollow and tired, and she had some
fading bruises on her forehead and cheek, but Mulder still thought that
she looked exquisite.  He wondered what she was thinking. Was she
feeling confused like he was? Was she thinking of him? He suddenly felt
an  overpowering need to touch her. He reached over lightly placed his
hand on her leg.  
"Hey.....you okay?" She looked first at his hand, then at him, and
smiled slightly,
"Yah, I'm fine." she said, returning her gaze to her window, trying to
ignore his hand.
"Penny for your thoughts," he teased her. She smiled again but kept
facing her window.
"Nickel for a kiss," She replied with equal tease. Mulder smiled at her
willingness to play the little game with him. He did his best Dionne
impression,
"A diiiiiiime if ya tell me that ya love meeeeeeeee
girrrrrrrrrrrllllll!"  Scully turned her head and glared at him in mock
horror.
"Oh Mulder, please don't quit your day job!" She said with a grin.
"Gee Scully, don't you like my singing voice? I'm insulted."
"Yah, well, don't ever serenade me, I might throw up on you."  She
taunted.
"Hey, when I was in high school, some buddies of mine had a band, and,
believe it or not, I hung out with them and played drums and sang." he
saw the 'yeah, right' look she gave him.
"Im serious! I was seriously considering a career in the music biz,
man. I thought that was my calling, to be a rock-n-roll star. Our band
was called 'Dog Breath'." With that admission, Scully burst out
laughing.
"Dog Breath??? God Mulder, sounds like you hung out with a *great*
crowd!" Mulder smiled at the sight of Scully laughing. He hadn't seen
that in a long time - too long.
"Its nice to see you laugh, Scully." 
Scully's smiled quickly disappeared, and she suddenly looked
embarrassed, as if she was caught doing something shameful. Mulder
could tell that she was embarrassed by his remark, and he didn't
understand why, so he thought he would try to push her about it and see
if he could break down some of those walls.
"Why are you embarrassed Scully?" She looked at him with a frown.
"I'm not *embarrassed*," she snipped, looking back out her window.
"You're certainly acting like you are." Mulder continued, knowing full
well that he was about to get blasted. Sure enough, Scully jerked her
head around to face him, eyes blazing.
"What *is * it with you Mulder? Why are you poking and prodding me
about my feelings? Why the sudden interest? And why are you being so
overly nice to me? It's like you're going out of your way to be 'nice' a
nd chivalrous, and you keep *TOUCHING* me. Do you feel that guilty
about Jennings getting away and my getting hurt that you feel compelled
to dote on me constantly and play, 'I'm okay, you're okay' with my
feelings? What are you, Fox Freud??!" she was shouting now.
Mulder raised his eyebrows and just looked at her, a little shocked at
her exasperation.  Scully knew that she was flying off the handle, but
she had really had it with his questions. Any other time he would let
her alone when it was obvious she was feeling melancholy or depressed
about something. Usually, *he* was the one who was depressed and in a
funk. If there was anybody who had screwed up feelings, it was Fox
Mulder. They never discussed their emotions, and Scully had no
intention of starting now. Not with Mulder. That would be too
dangerous. Dangerous because she was afraid of how it may affect their
working relationship and their close partnership. It was better for
Mulder to see her on only a professional level, she had to tell herself
that nearly every day, and it was hard.  She had worked damn hard to
get where she was, and blocking out emotions and feelings was an
essential ingredient to her success. Even if that meant eliminating the
chance for getting close to people.  She thought again about her career
choice and how she resigned herself to never meeting someone, falling
in love, and living happily ever after.  So why did these doubts keep
surfacing over and over again? Why did she keep asking herself if she
was truly happy with her choice? A few years ago, the answer would have
been yes. Definitely. But now.....? Dana didn't know the answer
anymore; not with any degree of certainty. She knew didn't have time to
devote to someone and have any kind of 'normal' relationship. She
worked long hours with Mulder, she took her work home with her, she ran
off to follow a lead with Mulder at the drop of a hat, she took off on
assignments with Mulder all the time, she even spent some weekends
pouring over files with Mulder. The only person she spent ANY time with
was MULDER. How could she possibly have time for anyone else?  When she
and Mulder had first started working together, she had some
extra-curricular thoughts about him, she wasn't blind.  He was an
attractive guy.  He was educated, intelligent, and independent. 
'Actually, you've had LOTS of thoughts about him,' Scully admitted to
herself.  'But,' she countered, 'I was naive then, and, in the back of
my mind, I always knew better than to let them get out of hand.  I
always knew that I had to keep my feelings in check, to remain
professional.  Like a sexual relationship with Mulder would work
anyway,' she thought.  She remembered her earlier thoughts in the
hospital.  The same deliberations kept repeating themselves over and
over in her head.  She was driving herself nuts.  Finally, she resigned
herself to the old, 'must be PMS' explanation.  She exhaled loudly and
ran her hand through her hair.  Mulder's pulling into her apartment
parking lot and turning the engine off pulled her out of her maddening
preoccupation.
"We're here." Mulder said with a fake smile. He decided not to piss
Scully off any more. He would continue his inquisition at a later time;
he still needed answers to some questions, and he knew that the only
way to get them was to pummel her relentlessly until she broke.  It
seemed cruel, but he knew that it was the only way to get her to really
talk to him.  Besides, he could see that she was beyond 'pissed' at
this point.
"Thank God." Scully mumbled as she pushed the car door open and climbed
out, this time carrying her bag herself.  She marched up the steps to
her apartment, not caring whether or not Mulder came along.  He was,
dawdling behind her ever so carefully.  She fumbled with her keys and
finally unlocked the door.  
Scully swung the door open, visibly relieved at the sight of her
familiar living quarters.
"Home sweet home," Mulder said from the hallway. Without invitation,
Mulder stepped inside and closed the door behind him. 
Scully threw her bag and coat on the table and plopped on the couch,
leaning her head back and groaning out loud. Mulder seemed to be
surveying her apartment nonchalantly.  His eyes scanned all over, then
he leaned against the back of the couch and looked down at her.
"Y'know, you really should NOT be here alone Scully; I know you don't
want to hear that, but its true." Scully sat up and prepared to argue,
but Mulder raised his hand in protest.
"Listen to me, Scully.  They haven't caught Jennings yet, in fact, no
one has a clue where he may be. And I,... well.....Scully there's
something I didn't tell you about that night in the warehouse, after he
shot you and me." Scully's expression became tight and a mixture of
anger and fear arose in her eyes.  She sat up slowly.
"What Mulder? What did you *conveniently* forget to tell me?" Mulder
averted his gaze then returned to meet her again.
"Jennings said that he was 'sorry' and that he 'hoped he didn't hurt
you too badly, THIS time'. Then he laughed and laughed, and then he
just vanished." Scully's mouth opened a bit, and she tried her best not
to look spooked.
"That's not the creepiest part though Scully, when he spoke, and when
he laughed, it was like, his voice didn't come from any specific
direction; it was like it was all around me. Overhead, to my right, to
my left, underneath me--I can't explain it. That's why I didn't get a
shot fired off....I didn't even know where to aim. I couldn't zero in
on him, and I couldn't see him, yet he was everywhere." Mulder's eyes
begged for forgiveness for a sin that he truly felt he committed. He
felt like, once again, he let Scully down, and she got injured as a
result.  Sensing this, Scully reached up and touched his arm.
"Mulder, you shouldn't feel responsible for what happened. No one
blames you, especially me. The only one to blame is Warren Jennings. I
am *fine*." She did her best to assert this with her eyes, but Mulder
still felt guilty.  He turned and walked around to sit on the couch
beside her.
"Well, anyway, That's just one more reason why I don't think you should
be alone. Jennings is still out there, and I think he may be looking
for you and I."
"But especially me." Scully quickly added.
"Yes....especially you.  Usually all the bad guys take great pleasure
in trying to kill me first, so, this is a nice change for me."
Mulder tried to joke about it as he rose from the couch and nervously
began to pace. He grew serious again.
"We know he hates women, and we know that he's tortured and murdered
several women already, including his own mother and sister.  So....."
he turned to face Scully.
"He wouldn't think twice about hurting you again, Scully."  He stared
straight into her eyes.
"And I couldn't live with myself if he did." 
Scully watched him and tried to decide whether or not she should be
frightened. It wasn't the first time that someone was out to kill her,
but still, the prospect of it was unnerving, to say the least. She
looked at her arm and touched the still painful wound in her abdomen.
If Jennings did come after her, her injuries would create a definite
handicap for certain. 'Well,' she thought, 'I'll just have to make sure
that I sleep with my gun all night.'   She sighed deeply.
"Look, Mulder, I have a deadbolt on my door and locks on all my
windows. And, I keep my gun right on my nightstand." She was standing
next to him, but he was looking out the window. He turned to her,
feeling defeated.
"So I guess what you're saying is that you don't want me to stay." 
"You *really* don't need to. I'll be..." he interrupted her, 
"....'fine, Mulder'.....yah, I know .... right." He stared at her
silently for a moment, wanting so badly to lean down and kiss those
beautiful lips that constantly taunted him.  God she was beautiful. 
How could he have not noticed all this time?  He let out a sigh and
started for the door as she watched him, feeling a little bad for
turning him away. 
"Listen, Mulder....I'll call you before I go to bed, okay?" she offered
with a slight smile.
"Okay." He paused, staring at her again, wanting desperately to say
something before turning to leave.
"I'll talk to you soon, Scully."
"Thank you, Mulder.....for everything."  They smiled weakly at each
other, and he closed the door behind him.

Mulder stood outside her door trying to convince himself that he was
doing the right thing by leaving. He couldn't put his finger on it, but
something told him that he definitely should NOT leave her alone. It
was just a gut feeling, and it had nothing to do with his subconscious
feelings for her of late. Something told him that Jennings would come
to call on them again, and he was very fearful that he would choose
Scully first. He didn't even want to think of her being put in danger
again. This last ordeal had changed him, and left him with an intense
need to be close to Scully. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her,
and seeing her once again in a hospital, unconscious, cut through his
soul like a chainsaw. He told himself that this was the reason for his
recent need to touch her, feel her, and be physically close to her. He
must subconsciously think that if he can physically hold her, then she
won't leave him. Consciously, however, he knew that wasn't true. She
could be taken from him at any time. THEY could do that. They'd done it
before. Still, he could not stop thinking about her. It wasn't just an
'I need to protect her' feeling any longer, it was becoming more. The
more he touched her and doted on her, the more he felt drawn to her,
the more he felt his heart reach out to her, ache for her.  God!  When
had he begun to need her so much?  All the years they'd worked
together, he suppressed these feelings and avoided them, because he
knew where they would lead him.  He pushed them aside for the sake of
his job and their 'partnership', because he knew he had to.  And, he'd
gotten to the point where their relationship was a 'love' of sorts, but
a purely platonic one, built on friendship, trust, and respect, and
NEVER to be sexually consummated.  He was closer to Scully than any
family member, any friend he'd ever had, *and* any lover he'd ever had.
 He knew he loved her, and he knew their relationship was a unique one,
so what was he to do?  Tell her that he longed for her touch, that he
craved her affection, and fantasized about her body?  No, he couldn't
do that. He couldn't risk destroying everything they had worked so hard
for, that HE had worked so hard for all these years. If he had to keep
playing the role of 'partner only' to keep her with him in the X-Files,
he was willing to sacrifice his physical and emotional wants and
needs......wasn't he??  

As he pulled into the parking lot of his own apartment complex, he
decided that he would drive over to check on Scully later, whether she
liked it or not.

*********************
Scully sat in a bath full of nearly intolerable hot water and soothing
bubbles. She laid her head back and stretched out, allowing the burning
liquid to swirl around her legs and body. She reevaluated all the
events of the last turbulent week and decided that she was glad she had
a few weeks off to recuperate. Aside from her physical injuries, she
also had some emotional issues to sort out. Her thoughts returned to
Mulder, his strange stares, and the hurt expression he wore when she
told him that she didn't need him.  Truth was, she *did* need him, and
she figured that he wanted her to need him. Though he would never admit
to that, she knew inside that he wanted to watch over her and take care
of her. It touched her that he wanted to do this; however, she somehow
felt that it would be showing a weakness to allow that.  'A weakness?'
she asked herself. "Why would I be *weak* in allowing a friend to help
me out when I'm injured?" She asked herself out loud. "God, I am such a
bitch sometimes......a *pathetic* bitch at that!"  It wasn't the first
time that she had let her pride get in the way and hurt someone's
feelings. Her constant need to be an 'independent', 'strong', and
'self-sufficient' woman was sometimes a mixed blessing. She had a good
career, and she often felt like she was making a difference in the
world, but...at what cost to her? She had no personal life, no friends,
and no love life. The only person she was close to or had any
relationship with was Mulder. And she couldn't very well get involved
with Mulder. No, no, no, she screamed at herself.  She'd gone over this
and *over* this.  'Why cant I just *let it go*?' She implored herself. 
'Why can't I just cast those thoughts AWAY!  DAMN!  Mulder is
off-limits!  It would almost be incestuous!'  She threw her washcloth
over her face and groaned out loud. She was closer to Mulder than she'd
been to anyone. Yet, she kept him at bay whenever he got a little too
personal or a little nosey about her feelings. She couldn't let him get
too close...it was in the best interests of their partnership *not* to.
 Besides, she couldn't let her emotions cloud her judgement; all her
carefully constructed walls would come crashing down, and she would
jeopardize everything.  It was the old 'ego' versus 'libido' struggle,
and her 'id' was very confused right now. Something told her that
Mulder felt it too, and that frightened her even more. She remembered
how insanely jealous she always felt when Mulder flirted with other
women, and they with him.  Why did she feel that way?  What was she
jealous of? Because they had the freedom to pursue their carnal
pleasures with no worry of what was at stake or what they could
jeopardize? Because Mulder sometimes had a sex life and she had none? 
Or....because she secretly desired ...... 'No! No! NO! Don't go
there!!' She chided herself and groaned again out loud.  "You're so
pathetic Dana.  Only you would have the hots for a man you can never
have.  Goddd!"  She drew a long breath and blew it out loudly.

Scully finished her bath and wrapped herself in a nightgown, thinking
that she would occupy herself with a good movie for the evening.  It
had gotten dark while she was in the bath, and she strode out to the
living room to turn some lights on.  It suddenly felt so chilly in the
apartment.  She looked around the apartment and realized that all the
windows were open.  A horrible feeling washed over her.  Intense fear
shot up her spinal column and penetrated her mind, leaving her
paralyzed.  She knew immediately.  'He's here,' she thought, '...Oh my
god...'  She didn't move for a moment while her eyes carefully scanned
the apartment, trying to remain calm.  She saw nothing.  Slowly she
crept sideways to her bedroom with the intent of getting her gun.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Agent Scully." Jennings's voice
bellowed out from everywhere.  Scully froze again, eyes searching
desperately.  She slammed her back up against a wall, forcing herself
to think rationally.  Scully fought desperately to get a grip on
herself.  She *had* to get to her gun, and she *had* to get to the
phone. 'Oh God, why did I let Mulder leave,' she closed her eyes for a
moment and cursed her damned pride. She began slinking along the wall,
figuring that if she could reach her bedroom door, she could dash to
her nightstand and retrieve her gun. She was only inches from the door
when an arm flew around the corner and shoved a gun, her gun, into her
face. Jennings' body soon followed behind the gun. He grinned
sadistically and laughed deeply and slowly, taking great pleasure in
watching the color drain out of Scully's face. 
"You wouldn't happen to be looking for this, would you Agent Scully?"
Jennings shook the gun in front of her nose. Scully stared at him,
refusing to show her profound fear.
"You know you won't get away with this Jennings; you can't just kill me
and walk out of here unnoticed."
"Oh, won't I? I'm not so sure, Agent Scully... after all, I got in here
with no problem, didn't I? No one 'noticed' *that*, did they? NOT EVEN
*YOU*, AGENT SCULLY!" he bellowed with laughter again. It was so loud
that Scully cringed and tried to cover her ears. 
"And besides, I don't know if I'm going to kill you.....at least, not
*right away* that is!"  Jennings smiled and suddenly grabbed her by the
throat viciously, pushing his ugly face into hers so that their noses
were nearly touching.
"You and I are going to have a bit of *fun,* AGENT Scully...... a bit
of fun indeed." Scully gasped for air as Jennings threw her down to the
floor, sat on her back, and pulled her head upward by yanking her hair.
Scully grimaced, but said nothing.
"I want to hear you scream Agent Scully, only this time, I won't shoot
you in order to hear it-- this time, it will be screams of
*pleasurrrrrrre*!" he roared with insane laughter. Scully's heart was
nearly pounding out of her chest. She had to stop him soon, or there
would be no hope for her at all. She had to try something, he was going
to kill her anyway. 'I'd rather die than be raped and tortured by this
madman,' Scully thought. Jennings moved off her back and ordered her to
turn over, still pressing the gun in her head. Scully obeyed and rolled
over onto her back, grimacing from his weight pressing on her
still-sore side. Jennings quickly straddled her hips.
"Oh yes, this will be such *fun*!" he let loose a psychotic giggle that
chilled Scully to the bone. Jennings' eyes began to transform his face
into something less than human. A maniacal demon bent on horrific
torture and murder. His eyes began to glaze over and dilate until
Scully only saw black holes, with not a drop of humanity in them. 
Still pressing the gun under her chin, Jennings leaned down and touched
his tongue to Scully's exposed breastbone and licked her slowly up to
the base of her neck. She gritted her teeth and turned her head to the
side, forcing down the bile that arose in her throat. She knew she
could not cry out -- that was what he wanted. She refused to surrender.
Jennings leaned down close to her face.
"Going to fight it, eh? Oh, goody, *goody*!" Another giggle. He started
grinding his hips against her groin, and she could feel his erection
rubbing insistently against her, making her nearly vomit.  Then, his
lips were suddenly all over her face, sucking, kissing, licking, biting
her all over. She shook her head back and forth violently, but he just
giggled more. She glared at him with intense hatred spewing forth from
her eyes. She cursed him through clenched teeth and growled, 
"I will *kill* you, you son of a bitch... , DO YOU HEAR ME!!?" she
screamed at him, trying to push him off of her. He burst into laughter,
wriggling and grinding more intensely on top of her.  He looked down at
her and brought his face into hers again,
"I would like to see you try that, Agent Scully.....I *really* would!"
Scully suddenly spat in his face.  His expression immediately changed
from insane glee to boiling rage. He let loose an animalistic growl and
dealt a crushing blow across Scully's cheekbone with the butt of her
own gun. She let out a small grunt, but brought her eyes back to his,
challenging him again, refusing to back down. He rained two more blows
across her head, making her mind teeter on the brink of consciousness
as Jennings' face faded in and out of focus. 'No! I can't black out!'
she screamed at herself. Jennings leaned down again.
"Now don't you go to sleep on me little darlin'!" He stuck his tongue
out and licked some of the blood off her beaten face, then ran it along
her lips, plunging into her mouth and forcing her to taste her own
blood. She struggled to turn her head away from him, but she could
hardly concentrate on the task. All she could do was clamp down on his
tongue with her teeth. She bit down hard, filling her mouth with his
warm, metallic taste.  Jennings screamed and jerked his head back,
toppling off of her body.
"YOU BITCH!!!" he roared.  Scully tried in vain to get up and run, but
she could only fall down on her knees.  Jennings scrambled over to her
and picked her up, delivering several bruising blows to her stomach
with his fist.  His strength was incredible.  Scully crumpled to the
floor and curled into a ball, trying to protect the rest of her body.
Jennings kicked again and again. Scully felt herself losing the
strength to keep herself bound up. Her already injured stomach felt as
though it had burst apart, and Jennings's boot had made contact with
her damaged arm, causing throbbing pain in the limb. Jennings picked
Scully up by the collar of her robe and threw her up against a wall. 
Her head thudded loudly as it made contact, and she collapsed onto the
floor.  He was on top of her quickly, picking her up again, this time
literally throwing her across the entire length of the living room. She
landed on the floor with a splatter, as her mind fluttered on the brink
of reality.  She wanted to move and get away, but she couldn't. She
made a futile attempt to crawl, but she could only move one arm.
Jennings walked up to her body slowly and stood above her.  He knelt
down and wrapped one hand around her throat, squeezing and choking,
delighting in hearing her cough and sputter.
"Perhaps *now* you'll be a little more cooperative, Agent Scully." He
released his grip and tore her robe open with his hands, reveling in
her nakedness. He leaned over and began harshly kissing her flesh,
raking his hands over her breasts, her abdomen, her face, her throat. 
'No no no noooooooooooo!' Scully screamed inside her head. 'Oh
God....oh Mulder, please help me.' Tears began to slip down the sides
of her face as Jennings continued his assault on her body. Scully felt
her sanity and her consciousness slip away as  Jennings ran his
fingertips along the waistband of her panties.  He was just about to
tug them off when the door of her apartment literally burst off its
hinges, and Fox Mulder came crashing through the doorway, gun pointed
directly at Jennings' face.  Jennings lept to his feet and put his
hands up slightly, grinning with insanity.  Mulder stepped toward him
slowly.
"Put your hands in the air and turn around, you fucking bastard!" 
Jennings didn't move, but instead giggled.
"Fucking bastard *indeed *, Agent Mulder." he wiggled his eyebrows and
made a motion toward Scully's body lying on the floor, giggling
hideously and taunting Mulder.
"You fucking son of a bitch!" Mulder said through clenched teeth as he
advanced toward him.  Jennings giggled even more.
"You can't shoot me Agent Mulder, you have to arrest me and take me
downtown where I'll be put in jail," Jennings and Mulder began to walk
in a slow circle around Scully's body, Jennings continuing to taunt
Mulder while Mulder held his gun on him. 
"Then, I'll be given a fair trial, where my attorney will tell the jury
that I am insane, and I'll be taken to a nice institution where I'll
spend my days talking to nice doctors and nurses. In the meantime, you
and your partner here will continue your dull and pointless lives of
working for the F.B.I.....that is, of course, assuming that she *makes*
it!" he burst out laughing, shaking his head and howling like a madman.
Mulder's eyes bored into him and his finger tightened on the trigger.
"No, Mr. Jennings, I don't think you'll be making *any* trips
downtown." Mulder hissed through clenched teeth as he suddenly squeezed
the trigger and blew a hole through Jennings's head, dropping his body
to the floor, limp and lifeless at last.  Mulder dropped his gun and
walked over to Jennings' body, making sure that he was dead.  He
quickly rushed over to Scully's side. Her face was smeared with blood
and she was unconscious.  He could see the welts all over her body, and
her beaten, bloody face. 
"Fucking *bastard*!!!"  Mulder growled aloud.  He stood and whirled
around in a blind rage, needing desperately to find an outlet for his
anger.  A table sat nearby with a lamp and various trinkets situated on
it.  Without even thinking, he lashed out at it, sending the items
crashing onto the floor.  He let out an animalistic cry and picked up
the small table, throwing it down on Jennings' body in an unbridled
fury.  He almost wished Jennings would sit up so that he could blow his
brains out again.  As the bits and pieces of wood finished shattering
all over the floor, he grabbed his own head, screaming at himself to
get a grip.  He quickly called the police and paramedics on his phone,
then he returned his attention to Scully.  He covered her naked body
and tied her robe back together with great care as he lifted her off
the floor. Carrying her over to the sofa, he sat down and held her in
his arms. She groaned softly and opened her eyes, staring up at Mulder.
"Mulderrr....?"  His heart was breaking again.
"Yeah, its me Scully, I'm here now....you're gonna be ok." He couldnt
take it any longer, and the tears began to flow down his face, dripping
onto Scully's body. Damn it all! he thought. Damn this job, this life!
I can't take this any more!' he thought. Scully looked up at him again.
"I knew you'd come Mulder.....I knew you'd come." He smiled and sniffed
back his tears.
"Yeah, I came Scully....I'm here.....but not soon enough.....not soon
enough." Scully reached up and tried to touch his face, but only made
it to his arm.
"Please Mulder.....don't torture yourself over this, too...... please."
 The tears now streamed down both their faces.
"Just hold me, Mulder....hold me and never let me go." Scully reached
again and tried to wrap her arm around his neck, but she couldnt move
it.  Mulder's face twisted in anguish, and he buried his face in her
neck and began to sob, the weight of so much guilt and tortured
feelings exploding in his head. He hugged her tightly to his chest,
rocking her gently while she laid motionless.  After his tears had
subsided, he lifted his head and looked into her swollen, tear-filled
eyes.
"Dana, I swear I'll never let you go.....*never *."  Her lips trembled
in a half-smile as a tear dribbled down her face.  Mulder continued to
hold her close, not wanting to let her go for one second.  He didn't
say anything, but he kept looking down at her to make sure she was
still conscious.  He stared at her intently, wanting to apologize, but
knowing that he shouldn't say anything.  She had begun to shake, and he
pulled her chin up, forcing her to look at him.
"Scully," he whispered,  "you're going to be okay." he tried to sound
convincing as her chin began to quiver.  Scully covered her face with
her hand and began to completely break down.  Her whole body shook as
the sobs racked her.  Mulder brought her to his chest and hugged her
tighter, whispering softly against her face.
"Shhhh.....he's gone now Dana, he can't hurt you any more."  Tears
streamed from his eyes as he felt his heart ripping in two inside his
chest.  If only he could take away her pain; he would give his right
arm for that.  All he could right now was hold her and stay by her side
while they waited for the cavalry to arrive once again.


Together Alone
By A. K. Naten

Part 2 of 4


Later in the hospital, the police finished all their inquiries and
reports, and the doctors had examined Scully.  In addition to her now
re-injured arm and abdomen, she also had some cracked ribs, a fractured
cheekbone, and lots of very nasty looking bruises all over her body,
throat, and face.  Mulder had stayed by her side the whole time,
holding her hand or arm, or something.  He felt an extreme need to stay
physically close to her, and she had asked him to remain by her side,
even when the doctors had performed their exams.  He amazed himself
with his calmness when she had shed her clothing for her examinations,
and it didn't seem to faze her either. The hospital staff obviously
thought that they were a "couple" and made no objections to his
staying.  And she was glad that he did; she needed his comforting
presence.  Now, as she slept, he gazed upon her battered and swollen
face.  He loved her so much.  He was quite certain of it now.  He had
done such an admirable job of supressing those thoughts for all these
years; he'd nearly convinced himself that he had no feelings for her. 
It took all of  this to suddenly bring this realization out with
surety, and slap him squarely in the face.  He looked over her beaten
body.  He was beyond angry now.  He suddenly felt like he had wasted
all the years before this moment.  All those years ago he could have
admitted his feelings, and he could have perhaps had an extensive,
passionate relationship with her.  'It could still happen,' he told
himself ambitiously, 'It could still happen.'

Scully awoke some time later to find Mulder asleep, sitting in a chair
slumped forward, his head lying on her bed beside her waist, and his
arm wrapped protectively across her hips.  She smiled at the thought of
him keeping such a faithful vigil at her bedside.  She had asked him to
stay with her, and he had done exactly that.  He must be exhausted. 
She reached her hand up and stroked his soft, silky hair.  She looked
at his arm draped possessively over her body and thought about how nice
it felt.  She placed her hand on his arm and stroked it lovingly as he
stirred and lifted his head to look at her.
"Hi." she murmured with a weak smile.
"Hey, how you doing?" he asked softly.  
"Okay, I guess." she replied, wrinkling up her nose a bit.
He turned his head around to see what time it was, then returned to
look at her.  Realizing that he had his arm across her, he was suddenly
embarrassed to have been caught touching her, and he began to draw his
arm back.  Scully reached out and stopped him from removing it.
"No - it's ok.....I don't mind."  He smiled at her acceptance and
replaced his arm across her waist, stroking her side gently with his
fingers.  She smiled back at him, and he thought he saw a little
flicker of affection in her eyes.  She closed her eyes and put a hand
on top of her head, breathing out loudly.
"I must look like I've been used as a wrecking ball." she groaned
miserably.  "I certainly FEEL like it."
"You SHOULD feel like it after fighting off that maniac." Mulder said,
his anger rising slightly as a flashback of Jennings' entered his mind.
 She hesitated, her eyes welling with tears.
"I *couldn't* fight him off though, Mulder, I couldn't......*stop*
him."  Her voice quavered nervously.  She looked at him and spoke in a
tear-filled whisper.
"He almost *raped* me Mulder."  She covered her face, trying to hide
the tears that were about to burst through her pride again. Mulder
brushed her hair back and leaned over to kiss the hand covering her
face.
"Shhhh, its okay.... Dana, listen to me, no one would have been able to
fight him off if they were in the same shape that you were in -- you
had a broken arm and a bullet wound, for chrissake!" He tried to
convince her softly. Scully began weeping anyway, keeping her face
covered while she turned it to the side in a poor attempt to hide from
Mulder.  He knew it was difficult for her to break down in front of
him, *again*. She was always so good at controlling herself and keeping
a calm facade, even when faced with the most horrible atrocities. He
was glad to see her let it go, however, and he knew that she needed to
do this for her emotional well-being. He tried to soothe her without
making her feel embarrassed.
"Shhhh.....it's alright Dana, just let it go.......it's okay." He
stroked the side of her face, his heart breaking as he watched the sobs
rack her tiny frame once again.  She turned to him briefly.
"It was like Donnie Pfaster and Duane Barry and Jerry Schnauz all over
again, Mulder. He had that same look in his
eyes....insanity....inhuman....pure evil." Mulder remembered the cases
well, and how helpless he felt as his partner's cool facade crumbled
and she disintegrated into tears of terror.  Now here she was again, in
tears, her facade again in shambles. He couldn't stand it, he had to
hold her and comfort her. He couldn't let her lie there all alone. She
had turned away from him again, covering her face with her hands and
sobbing hard. Mulder sat on the edge of her bed and gently reached over
to pull her shoulder toward him. Scully dropped one hand and looked
apprehensively at him, her eyes flooded with tears. She suddenly seemed
so frail to him, so small and delicate.....so fragile.  Gone was the
tough Agent Scully, M.D., who never lost her cool and had a snappy,
shrewd argument for every theory ever put forth.  She was suddenly
emotional, sensitive, vulnerable. He knew she was only human and needed
comfort.  He wanted desperately to give it to her. 
"Dana," Mulder whispered softly to her, "please don't cry."
He leaned toward her and scooped her up in his arms, hugging her
tightly to his chest. She brought her arms around him as best she could
and hugged him, burying her face in his neck and releasing a fresh
barrage of more intense tears.  Scully's emotional floodgates were
blown wide open by Mulder's act of tenderness, and he knew it as well.
He squeezed his eyes shut in hopes of keeping his own tears at bay. He
wanted to crush her against him and never let her go, just like he
promised. He wanted desperately to tell her how much he loved her...
but he waited instead.

Mulder held her gently for a long time, until her sobs ceased and she
lay quietly against his chest.  He dropped his face down and kissed the
top of her head, a slow, soft kiss that told her he was here for her,
and he cared so much for her. She hugged him tighter. He kissed her
again and buried his face in her hair this time, not moving. He closed
his eyes and imagined that they were someplace else, someplace where it
was only the two of them, and they weren't Agents, they were just Fox
and Dana. And he was holding her, and she was holding him. God what he
would give for that to be true, he thought. How he would love to take
her away from all this madness and make her happy, really happy.....if
that were possible. He prided himself on knowing his partner pretty
well, but he knew that even *he* didn't know everything about Dana
Scully. She had her own personal demons, he was sure, and he had no
clue what her true, intimate feelings were about a lot of things. Her
well-constructed walls of protection were to blame for this, and he
wanted more than anything to get behind those walls and find these
answers. Perhaps in time, he would.  

Eventually, she fell asleep again.  As the hours droned on, he watched
her sleep, reaching out occasionally to finger a lock of her hair or
brush her cheek lovingly.  She looked so small and tired; her face was
scratched and bruised, and a little swollen. Her skin was whiter than
usual, and black and blue marks were beginning to appear, but she still
looked as beautiful as ever to Mulder. Her hair seemed longer than it
usually was, and it curved and feathered around her face, cascading
onto her shoulders. He remembered back to when they'd first met. She
was young, head-strong, confidant, and oblivious to the horrors of the
vicious crimes that Mulder had already become accustomed to. She was
fresh-faced and beautiful then, but to Mulder, she'd become even more
beautiful as the years went on. Her face was slimmer, more mature in
some way, with little tiny creases that revealed stress and strain. 
Her whole body seemed to have evolve into this older, more elegant
'woman'.  But it was her face that had changed the most.  It seemed to
have become hardened by all the pain and heartache she'd endured over
the last few years.  It was a face that reflected....something....it
was........sad.  She had become solemn, with some of her inner fire
slightly diminished.  'And why *shouldn't* she be sad,' Mulder thought
to himself. 'She lost her father and her sister, any hope of having
children, and she had seen and become a part of so many horrorific
freak-shows, how could she *not* feel sad?' he thought.  'I don't want
her to be unhappy,' he told himself.  'I have to make her happy and
take good care of her....she's all that matters to me.'

When she fully awoke the next day, Mulder wasn't in the room.  She got
her bearings and brought her bed up to a sitting position.  Taking a
drink of the lukewarm water sitting on her tray table, she wondered how
long she had been in the hospital.  She couldn't tell from looking
outside, and she thought perhaps Mulder finally went home.  She was
looking out the window when the door opened, and Mulder came in.  She
turned her head and smiled when she saw his familiar mug.  He grinned
and came over to her bed.
"God, Mulder....you look like I feel!"  He chuckled warmly and ran his
hand over his grizzled face.
"Yah, well, a couple days without shaving will do that to a man." her
eyes widened a bit.
"A couple days?  Mulder, how long have I been here?"  He sat down on
the edge of her bed and touched the side of her face.
" 'Bout 2-1/2 days."  Her eyes stayed wide as she stared blankly and
said nothing.  She looked at her cast-clad arm and then at the other
bruised one.  She gingerly lifted the blankets a little to look at the
rest of the body, but she stopped when she saw the beginning of the
bruises marring her legs.  She quietly put the blanket back in place
and bit her lower lip, trying to stop it from quivering.  It didn't
stop, however, and tears began welling up in her eyes, blurring her
vision until they spilled over and ran down her face.  
"Dammit!"  She whispered, then closed her eyes and laid back on her
pillow, turning away from Mulder.  He wasn't sure what to do or what to
say.  His heart ached for her.  He leaned toward her, putting his hands
on her shoulders.
"Hey....c'mere."  He scooped her up in his arms again and pulled her
head into his chest gently.  He stroked her hair and pressed his lips
against her head while she cried quietly.  He wondered how long this
would last.  Her pain inside.  How long for her to heal emotionally? 
He wanted so badly to tell her that he would stay by her side, no
matter how long it took.
She only cried for a few minutes, and he let her.  After a while, she
tilted her head back slightly so that his lips were now touching her
forehead.  He kissed the smooth skin of her forehead and let them rest
there for a few minutes, absorbing the feel of her skin against his
mouth.  Removing his lips from her forehead, he looked down at her
nose; it's delicate surface was scratched, but he could still see the
light dusting of freckles on the bridge.  He reached down and kissed
her nose lightly. She opened her eyes and rolled them upward to look at
Mulder, lifting her head slightly until she could see into his eyes.
His hazel orbs sparkled at her, an unrecognizable glimmer present in
them.  It sent chills down her spine and heat through her chest. Before
he could even think about it, his eyes locked onto her tender lips, and
he found his face tilting toward hers. His lips pulled him toward her
mouth with a mind of their own, and they descended onto her lips softly
but fully, caressing her with a slow, but tentative kiss.  Warm, soft,
sweet as sugar.... his head was abuzz with the sensation of her mouth
against his.  It was just a chaste kiss, but it was definitely
electrical, and the sparks were quite obvious to both of them.  Reality
suddenly returned to him and he realized what he was doing.  He broke
the kiss gently and looked immediately into her eyes, fearing that she
would pull away from him. Instead, she stared at him, eyes wide with
the shock of what he just did, and her lips on fire. Seeing her
bewilderment, he decided to try to cover-up the mutual shock as best he
could. He reached up to cradle the side of her face with his hand, and
pressed her head into his chest again, resting his chin on the top of
her head and caressing her cheek with his thumb. Her eyes were still
wide with alarm as she tried to comprehend what in the hell had just
happened. He had *kissed* her....Mulder! And she *let* him! It wasn't
just an innocent peck either, it was slow and tender.  Her mind was
reeling, and she was pretty sure that flames were engulfing her lips.
She licked them and felt suddenly nauseous.
Mulder was nervous. How the hell did *that* happen!?' he thought. What
was I thinking? What is *she* thinking? he wondered. He shouldn't be
doing this, especially now, not after what she'd been through. 'Wrong
time... wrong time...' he told himself.  He was afraid to move, afraid
that she would suggest that he get the hell out of her room now and
leave her alone. A lump formed in his throat.  He squeezed his eyes
shut and wished for a miracle, a miracle that she would not only
understand his love for her, but return it. He agonized for many
minutes. 'Don't scare her, you idiot!'  he scolded himself.  He lowered
his face and kissed the top of her head again, filling his nostrils
with her scent and sending his mind buzzing again.  She felt him moving
and feared the worst. 'Maybe he's going to leave.....maybe he's afraid
that I'll be angry.....maybe he didn't really *mean* it.'  Dana
agonized to herself . Then she felt the soft kiss on her head. 'No... I
think he meant it.' she smiled inwardly and found herself hugging him
tightly. He smiled at her hugging reaction, but it did little to
relieve his building anxiety. Then he felt her head moving to look up
at him. He released his grip slightly, allowing her to pull back and
look directly at him. Her cerulean depths were sparkling and smiling at
him. One-half of her mouth grinned slightly, seemingly embarrassed. He
tried his best to grin back at her, but felt himself staring at her
savory lips again. His eyes shimmered at her, and she saw them trail
down from her eyes to her lips. She swallowed and licked them
delicately, feeling a sudden tingle echo throughout her body, and a
flush creep up her neck into her cheeks. He was drowning in her lips,
and his heart leapt into his throat when she licked them quickly. He
was only inches from her face, and he thought he could hear her heart
pounding; he was certain she could see his thumping through his shirt.
He reached up with his hand and placed it on her cheek, slowly tracing
his fingers across her jawbone, her chin, and bringing his index finger
up to touch her lips. She tried in vain to keep her bottom lip from
quivering. Her whole body was about to explode from his touch. She
watched his eyes, looking for answers to the hundreds of questions
spinning around inside her head. She saw the look of affection that he
often flashed at her, but she still saw something that she did not
recognize. It slowly dawned on her that it could be passion, or maybe
desire, or maybe even......love?  

She couldn't take it anymore; she was flustered and on the verge of
panic, yet her lips ached for his touch again. Feeling her rational
mind leave her, she leaned forward and closed the gap between them,
bringing her lips to his tentatively, timidly, tasting his supple mouth
briefly. Before she could pull away completely, he brought his hands up
to hold her face. Their lips broke contact and they gazed into each
others eyes, minds swirling with the realization that was dawning
between them. He pulled her toward him again, kissing her more firmly
this time, inhaling deeply and opening his mouth further. She responded
the same and wrapped her arms around him, winding one hand into his
hair. Each could feel the heat building inside their bodies, but each
could also feel the nagging voice in the back of their minds that
scolded them about their impulsive actions and the possible
repercussions. Which were they to heed? Their subconscious desires
seemed to win out and pushed their conscious thoughts aside for the
moment, as they savored each other's mouths. Mulder's tongue snaked out
and sought entrance with some hesitancy, knowing that he needed to keep
himself under control, but feeling that control ebb with each drag and
suckle of her tender lips. She parted her lips almost shyly in
invitation, allowing him to dart his tongue in and out and drink in
even more of her.  A quiet moan snuck out of the back of her throat as
she dragged her tongue along his teeth and swirled it around his
tongue, dueling gently with him. They both opened their eyes and looked
at each other, breaking their kiss very slowly, and he finished with a
gentle lick to her glistening lips. He held her face and closed his
eyes, leaning his forehead against hers as they both tried to return
their breathing to normal. He held her tightly as his face contorted
into a mixture of worry and anxiety, their conscious minds returning
them to that "repercussions" thought that they had forgotten just
moments ago. Where were they going to go from here? This was going to
change *everything* for sure. The question was, was it for the good, or
the bad? Mulder reached his arms around Scully and pulled her to him,
burying his face in the hair at her neck. Scully placed her arms around
him and they held each other in silence, their minds racing fervently.
What was going on here? they asked themselves. What were they
*thinking*? What were they doing?  And WHY were they doing it!?

'Oh God, how long have I waited for this?' Mulder wondered to himself.
He couldn't believe that it was even better than he had dreamed, and it
was pretty damn good in his dreams. Her lips were succulent, and her
mouth sweet and soft with a tongue like silk. He pressed his nose into
her hair and inhaled her silken softness with a faint smell of flowery
or herbal shampoo. Mulder felt an uncomfortable tightness blossoming in
his groin. He panicked at the thought of becoming noticeably aroused
right here in front of Scully. To say that he was nervous about this
whole situation was an understatement. He had just done some very
intense lip-locking with his *partner*. This was beyond taboo, and he
knew that his mind knew better. He couldn't imagine what would happen
next. Should they reconsider and pretend it was all a mistake? 'No, no
*way* can I do that now,' Mulder told himself. 'I've thought about this
for at least 4 years, and I'm not giving up now.' Mulder quickly
thought about his alternatives, the pros, the cons. He knew what his
decision would be.  He concluded that he cared more about Dana Scully,
the woman, than he did about Dana Scully, the FBI agent and partner. If
he had to give up his *partnership* and the X-Files to have her as his
lover, he would do it. The X-Files meant a lot to him, his search for
'the Truth' meant a lot to him, and his ultimate search, for Samantha,
meant even more.  But, he realized with incredible clarity, Scully
meant the most.  He needed her.....he needed her love and affection. 
He already had her friendship and companionship.  But, now, he needed
the rest of her....he needed her heart.  The back of his mind spoke up:
did she need him and his love?  Was *she* willing to trade everything
for *him*?  He could only pray that she did.  

Scully pressed her face into Mulder's neck, breathing in his masculine
scent, mixed in with cologne. Her mind flashed back to his supple lips
caressing hers. His velvety tongue darting in her mouth and his hands
raking through her hair. The look in his eyes, overflowing with passion
and desire. Her insides burned and the heat spread down to her
nether-regions, making her suddenly feel very self-conscious. 'This is
bad, Dana, this is REALLY bad,' she told herself. 'We CANNOT do this,
we just C A N N O T,' she tried desperately to convince herself that it
was improper. But, the burning sensation in her loins betrayed her
mind. Her body craved for more, and her mind begged it to reconsider.
'If we go any farther, there is no turning back,' she reasoned. 'The
damage will be done,' she told herself. What damage? ...a different
voice spoke up.  The damage to your career, and possibly to your
friendship and partnership with Mulder,' the sane part of her mind
warned her. 'Would my career be *damaged*?' she asked her sanity,
'Could I work someplace else, if I had to?' She analyzed further: 'And
as for my "friendship" with Mulder, well, if we continue on this path,
we'll be *more* than friends, won't we?' she concluded. Yes, more than
friends; lovers then, right?  "Lovers" -- she shivered inwardly at that
word.  She'd never had a successful "lover" relationship.  Sure, she'd
slept with men, and she'd had "boyfriends", but something was always
missing from those relationships. There was no spark, no electricity,
no real compatibility. Not that she and Mulder were totally
compatible--why, they were complete opposites in nearly everything, she
thought to herself. They argued about EVERYTHING, and agreed on very
little. 'Yes, ' she told herself, '*but*, there is definitely
*electricity*, and  *chemistry*, and an underlying sexuality that both
of them were keenly aware of. They had been having a long love affair
of sorts; it just was never physically consummated.  'But, to
consummate it now would ruin *everything*, wouldn't it??' she searched
her soul for an answer.  It was a risk, definitely.  Were they willing
to risk losing all they had worked for?  Were they willing to risk
crossing that last line of trust between them?  Taking the
chance....taking this last 'plunge' in their relationship - it scared
Scully to death.  She was terrified of the possible consequences.  If
it didn't work out, then what?  They would have a strained relationship
and friendship, and they couldn't return to just 'working' together. 
Things would be unbearably awkward.  Besides, how on earth could Mulder
commit himself to her?  The only thing that mattered to him was his
search for the truth, she thought. He couldn't possibly be willing to
make a *committment* to her.....could he?  She wanted to say something
to him, but she had no idea where to begin.  It was nearly impossible
to say, 'Whoopsy, we shouldn't have done that, lets just forget about
it,' she reasoned to herself.  If one of them hadn't wanted the kiss,
they could forget about it. If one of them had resisted or pulled away,
it could have been dismissed as just an overzealous 'friendly peck'. 
'But that *didn't* happen,' Scully reminded herself.  'HE kissed me,
and then I kissed HIM, so......there's no turning back now, Dana.'  She
tried to think of something say to break the awkward silence.
Mulder's mind was spinning in the same way, trying to think of
something meaningful to say, or preparing for the damage control.  'I
love you, I love you,' was the only thing that he could think of, but
he knew he didn't dare speak those words.....not yet.  He had to be
sure that she wanted this first, that she wasn't going to back off and
throw her protective walls up again.  He needed to tell her that *he*
was sure of this, that it was difficult for him to admit this too, but,
more importantly, it was NOT a mistake......it was right....it felt so
*right*.  

He took a deep breath and slowly pulled himself away from her.  She
stayed focused on his chest, refusing to look into his eyes, fearing
their betrayal and knowing that he would see straight into her soul. 
He touched a finger to the underside of her chin, lifting it slowly so
that she looked at him finally.  He whispered her name,
"Dana,"   Chills trickled down her spine as he spoke her name.  His
eyes bored into hers - she was right, he was reading her soul.  She
closed her eyes and started to speak,
"Mulder, I -----"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and the handle began to move. 
Mulder jumped and nearly fell off the bed.  Margaret Scully peaked
around the door to see her daughter sitting up in her bed, and Mulder
standing awkwardly beside her.  She put her hands to her mouth and
began to cry at the sight of her battered daughter.
"Oh, Dana!"  She reached out and rushed to Scully's bed, wrapping her
arms around and squeezing her daughter tight.
"Oh, honey! ...my god...are you alright?  You look *awful *!"  She
looked at Scully and framed her face with her hands.  Dana reached up
and held her hands.
"I'm okay now, Mom.....really."  She looked imploringly into her
mother's eyes.  They hugged again.  Mulder shifted uncomfortably from
one foot to another.  His heart was still racing, and he felt like a
little kid who just got caught stealing from the candy jar.  Mrs.
Scully looked suspiciously at them when she first peaked in the room -
'Mother's intuition at work,' Mulder thought.  He suddenly wanted to
leave, to run out of the room and go clear his head.  Mrs. Scully
looked up at him.
"It's good to see you Fox, how are you?"  She smiled warmly.
"Nice to see you too, Mrs. Scully.  I'm fine, thank you." He tried his
best to sound calm, but his voice cracked slightly at the 'fine' part. 
Margaret smiled knowingly at him and then at her daughter, who was
looking at Mulder.
"Thank you for being here with Dana when I couldn't be, Fox." She
reached out and squeezed his hand.  He returned the squeeze and
swallowed hard, unable to say anything.  He just nodded his head.  He
stole a glance at Scully, who was still piercing him with her teary,
blue eyes.  He smiled slightly at her and decided to make his getaway.
"Um, listen....why don't I leave you two alone for awhile.  I'm sure
you need some time together." He gestured nervously with his hands and
started backing away from Scully's bed, looking at her mother and then
at her, trying to read her thoughts about his escape.  A slight worry
crept up in her eyes, and she kept them glued to him as he slowly
walked around her bed toward the door.  Margaret rose from the bed and
walked over to the corner of the room to take off her coat.  Scully and
Mulder stared at each other.  Scully finally spoke in a hushed tone.
"Are you coming back later?"  The worry was still present, and her eyes
seemed to be pleading with him. Mulder stepped over to her bedside and
put his hand on the railing.
"Do you want me to?"  His eyes reflected uncertainty.  She reached one
hand up and touched his hand, looking at them.  Mulder threaded his
fingers with hers, and she looked up at him.
"Yes." she replied, as some of the worry lifted.  Mulder smiled, and
Scully smiled back at him.  He reached his other hand up and touched
her cheek gently.  Maggie Scully turned to walk back to the bed, and
Mulder and Scully broke their touch quickly, not wanting to be caught. 
They nervously darted their eyes away from each other, and Scully
regained her composure and leaned back against her bed.  Mulder shoved
his hands in his pockets and backed up toward the door.  Maggie eyed
both of them suspiciously, watching her daughter for more reactions. 
Mulder began to open the door.
"Well, I'll see you two later then." he looked at Maggie and then at
Scully.  
"Goodbye Fox." Maggie said.  Scully only looked at him, smiled softly,
and nodded.  He closed the door and was gone.  Scully closed her eyes
and sighed.  She opened her eyes, and her mother was looking at her
with raised eyebrows.
"What was *that* all about?"  Scully felt herself blush, and she rolled
her eyes and tried her best to cover up.
"Nothing, Mom......*nothing*," her mother dropped her head slightly and
gave her a knowing glare.
"*Really *... Mulder was just......y'know......worried about me," she
looked down at her hands in her lap and then back up at her mother.
"That's *all*." She tried to look neutral and cover her racing emotions
from her mother.  Maggie just nodded knowingly and patted her
daughter's hands.
"Alright honey, I won't push you if you don't want to talk about it."
she glared at her one last time.
"Now, PLEASE, tell me how all this happened," she asked, cupping her
daughter's face in her hands.

Scully carefully explained the whole sordid mess from start to finish. 
Her story was periodically punctuated by her mother's gasps, head
shakes, and tears.  When she at last finished, Maggie could only close
her eyes and shake her head in exasperation.
"Honey, I just do NOT understand why you would stay in this profession!
Honestly!" Maggie's voice raised slightly with emotional anger.  Scully
rolled her eyes heavenward and sighed loudly.
"Mom! Please! Let's not get into this *again*, okay?" she pleaded.
"Oh I know honey, but... it's just so *DANGEROUS*, Dana! WHY do you
willingly place your life in such danger EVERY single day like you do?
WHY?" she paused for a moment, Scully bowed her head and didn't say a
word.
"I know you feel the need to 'distinguish' yourself, honey, and 'build
a successful career', and really make a difference in the
world.....but......at what cost, honey?" her voice quavered with tears,
and Scully looked up at her.
"At what cost?" Maggie held her hands up in question, tears trickling
down her cheeks. Scully's eyes welled with tears as she stared at her
mother, unable to verbalize her thoughts.  Maggie dabbed her eyes with
a tissue, and she spoke in a hushed tone.
"I've already buried a husband and a daughter; I cannot bear the
thought of burying another one, Dana."
Scully closed her eyes and huffed,
"Mother, please ---" Maggie held her hand up and cut her off.
"I'm not asking you to completely change your career plans just for
*my* sake, honey.....I just want you to think about the risks that you
take, and *really* consider if its worth it."  Scully gave her an
annoyed look, then glanced away, looking out the windows and sighing.
"I'm not really sure *why* I keep doing it.  It fulfills some kind of
need that I have, I guess.  It's exciting, and challenging, and it's
rewarding when we catch the 'bad guy' and solve a case." she smiled
ironically. 
"But......it can also be very......frightening. Some of the things
we've seen shakes me to my very core, and I have asked myself the very
questions that you have asked.......why am I here?"  She shrugged her
shoulders and looked back at her mother, who was knitted her eyebrows
together in a concerned and confused fashion. Maggie spoke in a hushed
tone again.
"Do you stay because of him?"  Scully frowned and looked questioningly
at her mother.
"What do you mean?" she tried to look confused, but she was fairly
certain what her mother meant. Maggie spoke slowly and pointedly, eyes
boring right into Scully.
"Have you stayed all this time because of *Fox*?" she raised her
eyebrows, demanding an answer.
Scully opened her mouth, but nothing came out for a few moments.
Finally she stammered,
"No....no, that's not the reason." she nervously dropped her eyes and
glanced out the window again. Maggie leaned back at bit and crossed her
arms.
"I think it may be at least *one* of the reasons."  Scully gritted her
teeth and bit back the sharp retort that was on the tip of her tongue. 
Her mother continued to prod, determined to find out what was between
them.
"Dana?"  Her daughter snapped her head back to face her, her eyes a bit
fiery.
"Mom....look......" she spread her hands out in front of her.
"I cannot even *begin* to try to explain the relationship that Mulder
and I have. Even *I* don't completely understand it.......especially
NOW."  She hadn't meant to say that, it slipped.  She immediately
regretted it, and she looked sheepishly at her mother, who now had a
self-satisfied look on her face.
"So, there *is* something between you two?" Maggie asked, carefully
watching her daughter's reaction.
Scully bowed her head, shaking it, and then holding it in her hands.
"I don't know Mom..........I *don't* know what to think.......I don't
know what to *do*." she was so close to tears, and she tried so hard
not to let them fall. Maggie reached over and stroked her back gently.
"Tell me, sweetheart......you can tell me."
Scully wanted to tell her, she wanted to spill her guts and tell her
everything she was thinking and feeling.  How her mind was tortured and
torn between what her mind told her she *should* do and what her heart
told her she *could* do.  Would her mother understand any of it?  She
propped her head on her hands and stared at her bed, the tears welling
mercilessly in her eyes.
"Oh, Mom......." she started, tears choking her words.
"I think I'm in love with Mulder."
************************
She did not look at her mother; she didn't want to see the look on her
face.  Margaret Scully didn't say anything for a moment. She thought
she felt her heart skip a beat, and she nearly had to ask her daughter
to repeat herself, to make certain that she heard what she thought she
heard. She had long suspected that her daughter and Fox had feelings
for each other, but she'd never broached the subject with Dana -- she
knew better. What has changed all this suddenly? She answered her
daughter carefully.
"Well, I'm not really surprised, honey." Scully sniffled and looked up
at her with eyebrows knit in confusion.
"*Why* aren't you surprised?" her Mother just smiled knowingly.
"It seemed obvious to me for some time, Dana. The way you two speak to
each other, look at each other, even *touch* each other.  It's plain to
me." she paused briefly. 
"I think you feel that there is more to your relationship than just
being 'partners', but you don't know how to handle it, nor do you feel
that you *should* do anything about it. After all, Im sure each of you
has thought very long and hard about your feelings, and have convinced
yourselves that you mustn't act on *any* of them. And, I'm also quite
sure that you haven't discussed this with each *other* in any way,
shape or form.....have you?" Scully's mouth had dropped open in the
meantime, incredulous at her mother's perception. 
"How'd....how'd you know..... ? Are we *that* transparent?" she finally
stuttered. Her mother simply smiled.
"I'm your mother, honey. I can *see* it. And I can see it in Fox's
eyes, too. He feels very strongly about you, but he's very afraid of
those feelings and probably of what you would think if you knew what
his thoughts were. You know something honey, your sister told me one
time that she had 'feelings' about you and Fox." Dana looked
questioningly at her mother.
"She told me that she had 'visions' of the two of you, together...not
at work or anything, but just....together. She said she couldn't really
explain the feeling, just that it was 'right' for you to be together,
and that you seemed to be destined for each other." she chuckled
warmly.
"Oh, my! You know Melissa and her odd 'feelings' about things! But, for
once, I agreed with her. I too felt that you and Fox 'belonged'
together somehow." She paused and looked at her daughter's face,
waiting for her reaction. Dana remained silent as she pondered her
mother's words. 'So I'm not crazy,' she thought to herself. 'There is
something there.' she didnt know if she was relieved or even *more*
frightened. Margaret seemed to know what she was thinking.
"You know honey, no one knows what is right for you and for Fox. This
is something that you two must decide yourselves. As much as I would
love to see you two move along with this and make each other happy, it
is not for me to decide, nor to try to influence. You and Fox need to
talk about this." Dana shook her head slowly.
"I know we should, but....it's just so....hard....and...." she closed
her eyes and breathed deeply.
"and....I'm scared. I'm scared of bringing it out into the open, taking
the risk, and then possibly having the whole thing blow up in our
faces. I mean, EVERYTHING would be ruined. Our partnership, our
friendship, our careers, I mean..there are people out there who could
and WOULD use this against us, Mom." She looked imploringly at her
mother. Margaret placed a reassuring hand on her daughter's hand.
"I know it's frightening honey. You've always done such a good job at
hiding your true feelings--TOO good a job--and it's not healthy-" Dana
sighed and rolled her eyes.
"It's NOT Dana! You surpress feelings and build barriers and detach
yourself emotionally from everything, and that's *fine* for your
*work*.....but it isn't *fine* for *YOU*, honey." Maggie's eyes bored
into her daughter's. Scully knew she was right. 
"You shouldn't hold all this inside any more Dana. It's obviously
escalated to a point where you're both uncomfortable, and all you'll do
is drive yourself mad if you keep it all tucked away inside." Scully
didn't say anything; instead, her eyes began to well up with tears.
Maggie squeezed her hand.
"It's okay for you to have all these feelings, honey...it's perfectly
natural. There is nothing wrong with your wanting a life, and someone
to share it with. And, if the person who can make you whole is Fox
Mulder, then ...... so be it.  Do you *really* think you'd have to
trade your entire career just to have an intimate, *personal*
relationship with someone you love?"
"When that 'someone' happens to be your *partner*, YES!" Dana
interrupted emphatically, and crossed her arms.
"That's why I know.....I know I would have to choose.....my career, or
my possible personal happiness with someone I love.  And.....of course,
I have to hope that Mulder feels the same *exact* way about me,
which.....I doubt.  Mulder is not exactly a *committment* kind of guy,
y'know?" she smiled wryly and gave a half-hearted huff. Her Mother
smiled as well.
"Somehow, I don't think that will be a problem," Maggie offered.
"I have a feeling that he never would have started something that he
had no intention of finishing."  Scully smiled slightly.
"I would have to give up *everything* to have him....it just wouldn't
work otherwise.  There is no way we could continue to work together.
How could we? How could we sleep together, then get up and go to work
the next day like nothing's changed?" she was speaking louder, but
Maggie patiently let her vent.  
"Our judgements would be clouded, we wouldn't be able to focus on our
cases, and it would get very.....'messy'....to say the least.  And, if
we were discovered? God, who knows what would happen to us. We'd be
split up, I'm sure of that. We'd be shipped off to different divisions,
maybe even different cities, and.....I don't know if I can do that. It
would be such a huge *RISK*.  I mean, I've worked *so hard* to get
where I am. I don't know if I can just throw it all away like that."
she snapped her fingers in gesture.  
"So, you think you must decide if you're willing to 'risk it all' for
some personal happiness?" her mother raised her eyebrows in disbelief. 
Dana said nothing.
"It sounds to me that the biggest 'risk' you must take is the 'risk' of
letting someone get close to you."
Dana eyed her warily. Maggie knew she'd hit a nerve.
"I don't think this anxiety is stemming just from your fear of losing
your *job* and your career......I think it's coming from your fear of
*intimacy*." Again, Dana said nothing. Maggie waited for a reply, but
got none. She figured she'd continue being blunt while her daughter was
speechless, since that was a rarity.
"Just think about something honey," Scully looked at her mother
slightly annoyed.
"One day, when you are old and gray, and you've retired from the
Bureau, or wherever...." Dana frowned and looked at her like she was
nuts, but Maggie held up her hand and continued, seriously.
"Do you think people from the *Bureau* will come to visit you at your
lonely old spinster apartment?" Dana's frown softened, and her mother
continued.
"Do you think they will come running up to you, and throw their arms
around you and give you a big hug and a kiss? Or, climb up onto your
lap and beg you to read a bedtime story to them?" Scully got her point,
and it hit her like a ton of bricks. She looked straight into her
mother's eyes, and suddenly saw a very wise woman behind them. Maggie
spoke softly.
"I'm not trying to upset you, honey.....I'm just speaking from a little
experience, and from a lot of years of careful observance." Scully just
stared at her mother, mouth slightly agape, unable to comment on her
wisdom.  She sat in silence for a few minutes, looking down at her
hands.  Dana felt extremely strange discussing all this with her
mother, yet she was glad for the opportunity to get some of the
distress off her chest. It had been accumulating there for so long. 
And, at least she knew she could trust her mother. She finally leaned
back in her bed and spoke quietly.
"I've had other boyfriends, Mom. Other lovers too.....but....." she
paused, turning all her former relationships over in her memory.
"They never worked out. I never felt a 'connection' with them. I don't
really think that I've ever truly been 'in love' with anyone before."
she looked up imploringly at her mother for a sign of understanding,
and she got a gentle confirming smile.
"And do you know why that is?" Maggie queried. Scully looked past her
mother, thinking hard about it. She shook her head.
"It's not something I can put into words very easily. I just can't seem
to let myself be dependent on anyone, especially in an emotional way.
For some reason, it causes me to feel 'needy' and 'vulnerable'
......and I detest that in myself." Maggie was confused.
"Why, honey? Why on earth is that so despisable? You are *human*, and
you have *needs*, just like the rest of us--" Scully cut her off.
"*No* Mom. I can't explain it.....I have always been.....*incapable* of
being close to anyone, emotionally or physically.  When I've slept with
guys, it was just *sex*, and it wasn't even that great!" she snorted in
disgust.  "Even the fairly long relationships I've had; they were never
more than just amicable, sexual relationships that were 'okay' for
awhile, but then they fizzled out.  I got absolutely nothing from them,
and the guys obviously felt it."  Scully sighed loudly and ran her hand
through her hair. 
"I just figured that it was never meant to be. I was never meant to
fall in love, marry, and have kids.  I think there's something wrong
with me." she looked up at the ceiling and questioned with her eyes. 
"I think I'm emotionally sterile, or frigid, or something...I don't
know...I can't explain it." Maggie was distressed to learn so much
about her daughter's dilemma, but she wanted so much to help her. But
she knew it would be no easy task.  Dana Scully wasn't one to lean on
her 'Mommy' for help.
"Oh, honey! It upsets me so much to hear you say this!" Dana looked at
her mother, who was studying her with great concern. Scully tried to
brush her concerns off casually.
"Its no big deal Mom. I've been living with this for *years* now. I've
actually become quite used to it." She tried to sound nonchalant. 
Maggie shook her head in disagreement.
"It IS a big deal sweetheart. It is a big deal for you to be *unhappy*.
 It's not right. You are NOT emotionally 'sterile' or 'frigid'. The
Dana Scully I know is a warm, caring girl who would go to the ends of
the earth for the people she loves. You are a strong, independent,
*very* proud woman, and that does NOT change simply because you allow
yourself to love and be loved by a man, Dana!" her voice had changed
into a scolding, but motherly, words-of-wisdom tone again.
"You can't confuse your professional, detached work persona with your
private life -- I know that is difficult to do in your position, but
you really must allow yourself to have a 'personal' life--something
that is just for *you*. You must *make the time* for someone, someone
who makes you *happy*." she paused, and Dana said nothing. She just
stared at no particular place on her mother's face.
"Perhaps all the men you've had relationships with just simply weren't
the *right* men. You know, you don't always find the right one right
away." she raised her eyebrows.
"Your father wasn't the first man I had dated, and he wasn't the first
man that I *thought* I was in love with." Dana looked at her mother and
smiled appreciatively. Maggie smiled warmly back at her.
"You'll know when you've met the right man, honey. You'll know in your
heart if it's right or not. And.....I have a feeling that you *know*
who the right man is." Maggie tilted her head and looked expectantly at
her daughter. Dana closed her eyes and sighed.
"No, Mom. I *don't* know if Mulder is *the right one* or not." Maggie
didn't believe her.
"You 'don't know', or....you just can't *admit* it to yourself. You're
*afraid* to admit it. You're *afraid* to take the chance on it -- you
said that yourself, dear." she gestured a scold with her finger. Dana
knew she was right. This was torture having her mother sit here and
successfully argue against all her conjectures. Still, she tried to
reason with her.
"But you don't understand, Mom. There is more to loving Mulder than
just 'taking a chance' on a possible love life. Loving Mulder would be
even *more* complicated than simply 'working' with him and being
'friends' with him." her voice escalated slightly.
"You know, we've always been together ... in our quests, in our
work.... But we're still alone.  Something still keeps us divided,
Mom."  Maggie studied her face carefully as she spoke.
"He is *obsessed* with his work, with his searches, his  *beliefs*. He
is NOT the 'lets settle down and raise a family' type of guy, Mom." she
was slightly exasperated at the attempt to convince her mother.
"Are you saying, then, that you *are* interested in settling down?"
Maggie had caught her. Dana didn't quite know what to say, and she
thought for a few moments.
"I guess I am." she said quietly and shrugged her shoulders slightly.
"Honey," Maggie reached for Dana's hands.
"Don't you think, then, that you should *talk* to Fox about this. *Find
out* what he wants....*tell* him what you want - " Scully interrupted
her by shaking her head 'no'. Maggie was getting slightly angry now,
and she raised her voice.
"DANA! You *have* to stop *running* from this! You have to confont it -
confront *him*! You can't keep torturing yourself; look at what it's
doing to you! You're unhappy and miserable, and because of what?
Because you're afraid to let your feelings be known? Afraid to love
someone outright and let him return that love? Is *love* such a
horrible thing to you?.....Dana?" Scully's head was bowed, and she had
huge tears welling in her eyes. Her mother bent her head down to see
her daughter's face. She could see the pain and anguish there, and she
knew she had finally broken through some mighty big barriers. Scully
spoke in a tear-filled whisper.
"It's *not* horrible.....it's just incredibly *terrifying* to me." A
few tears trickled slowly down her cheeks. Maggie stroked her hair.
"Dana......when you were....'missing'.....I saw a lot of Fox." Scully
sniffed and looked up at her mother. She had heard little from her
mother about those months she was missing, and she had heard even less
from Mulder about that time. Maggie continued quietly.
"He was completely lost without you. He told me in those exact words. 
He was insane with frustration, and frantic in his search for you. 
When you finally reappeared......" she paused, tears pooling in her
eyes.
"He tried so hard to keep his composure in front of me and your sister,
but......I saw him break down at your bedside. He didn't know I saw
him, but I did. " she was staring past Dana as she recalled the
long-forgotten memories. Then, she looked back at her daughter again.
"He wept and pledged to protect you, to take care of you, and to never
let you go.  He all but said that he loved you....he just never used
the word 'love'.....but, he meant it all the same." Scully closed her
eyes and shook her head slightly.
"I don't think he's capable of a normal, loving relationship, Mom."
"*I* think he is," Margaret overruled her.
"You just have to give him the chance." she scolded Scully a little
with her eyes.
"Don't you see it, Dana? Can't you tell how frightened he is about
it.....*just like you*." she leaned toward Dana and spoke the words
slowly,
"He feels *just like you do*."
Scully sat silent for a few minutes, taking in all her mother had said.
She hated depending on her mother for advice, but deep down inside, she
truly valued her words, and......she knew she was right. After some
silence, Dana spoke the words that she hated most.
"So.....what should I do?" Margaret smiled. She saw in front of her the
teenage Dana that went through a dozen girl-hood crushes and
infatuations. The girl who had gotten her heart broken a dozen times by
obtuse, insensitive 'boys' who had no idea of the precious, delicate
soul that laid behind those crystal blue eyes. The very sensitive,
intelligent spirit that used to love unconditionally and naively, and
asked for nothing in return. Did Fox Mulder understand this about her
daughter? She was certain that he did.
"I can't tell you what to do, Dana. You must decide. You and I know
that all the things we've talked about here are not sudden
realizations--they've been inside you from the start....I've simply
pulled them out and laid them on the table for us both to see." she was
right, again.
"I believe in my heart that you are capable of great love, honey. Of
absolute, unconditional love, and the happiness and joy that goes along
with that type of love. And, I believe that you are capable of being
someone's wife *and* mother....but....it doesn't matter what *I*
believe.....*YOU* must believe it....you must *want* it." Tears
dribbled down  Scully's cheeks again, and she looked at her mother.
"I *do* want it, Mom." Maggie touched her cheek.
"Then *do something* about it, my dear. Start by talking to Fox. When
you two have figured out exactly what your feelings and your intentions
are, *then* you cross the next bridge, and the next one, and the next
one; just take it one step at a time." Scully inhaled a deep breath and
tried to stop any more tears from falling. She smiled appreciatively at
her mother, who leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
Just then, as if on cue, a knock sounded at the door, and it cracked
open.
"Is it okay to come in there?" queried Mulder with a slight smile. 
Scully's heart immediately jumped to attention, and she looked at her
mother with a mixture of excitement and bewilderment. Maggie winked at
her and rose from the bed.
"Sure Fox, come on in." Maggie opened the door the rest of the way.

Mulder stepped gingerly into the room, looking at Maggie and smiling,
then looking lovingly at Scully and smiling wide. He pulled his hands
out his pockets.
"I, uh, spent all my money at the vending machines, so I thought I'd
come back up here and see if you had any more jello." he grinned
mischievously. Scully cracked a smile. He looked at the two women, both
clutching kleenex, and he thought that perhaps he had interrupted
something.
"Listen, I can take another hike if you two aren't finished here." he
motioned to the door, but Maggie spoke up, looking at her daugher.
"No, that's alright. I should be going; I have a long drive ahead of
me." She put her coat on and came to her daughter's side.  She leaned
over and kissed her on the cheek, peering into her eyes.  She didn't
need to say anything to Dana, they simply looked at each , and Maggie
ended the silent understanding with a little nod of her head. Scully
smiled knowingly and whispered to her mother.
"Thanks, Mom........for *everything*." Maggie kissed her cheek again.
"No need to thank me honey, you know I'm here for you *always*." Dana
smiled again and kissed her mother back. Maggie patted her hands and
stood up.
"You'll call me when you get home, okay?" she asked her daughter.  Dana
nodded.
"I will. Bye, Mom." 
"Goodbye honey." She turned and headed toward the door, pausing beside
Mulder and speaking quietly to him.
"Thank you again for being here with her, Fox, I appreciate it. And,"
she turned her head slightly and eyed her daughter quickly with a
sideways glance.
"And Dana appreciates it......more than you know." she smiled gently at
him and gave his arm a squeeze. He smiled back at her, and she was
gone. 
It was just the two of them in the room. Alone with each other again.
Mulder closed the door and turned around to face Scully, who was
looking out the window. She looked exhausted, and her eyes were
slightly red, from crying, obviously. He decided to play it cool and
see if maybe she wanted him to leave, rather than get into the
discussion that he knew they would inevitably have to have. He walked
over to her bed slowly and sat down on the edge. She turned her head
and looked at him, slightly crinkling the corner of her mouth.
"You look so tired. Do you want me to leave so you can get some sleep?"
he asked her quietly. She wasn't sure of her answer. She was tired, but
she didn't want to be alone.
"I am tired, but.... no, I don't want you to leave." she slid her hand
down beside her leg and stretched her fingers out, offering them to
him. He smiled and quickly took her offer, intermingling their fingers
and stroking the top of her hand lightly. They just sat there like that
for a few minutes, she with her eyes closed and her head laid back, and
he watching her face slowly relax and soften. He wanted desperately to
lean over her and kiss her lips again. He could think of nothing else
while he was away from her room. A million thoughts flew round and
round inside his head, but the predominant one was of her and the way
she felt when he had kissed her. The taste of her lips, the feel of her
skin, the smell of her hair -- the memory of it drove him to the edge
of his sanity. His thoughts progressively became more indecent as he
sat and watched her slowly fall asleep. His eyes wandered down her neck
and her chest, and he briefly fantasized that he had x-ray vision and
could see under the hospital blankets. What did her abdomen feel like?
Soft and cottony, or sleek and muscular? What where her thighs like?
Supple and silky, or firm and athletic? He could almost feel her creamy
skin with his eyes. 'No no no -- don't go there, don't think it!' he
squeezed his eyes shut and chastised himself for thinking the impure
thoughts. He looked at her now sleeping form, lips parted slightly,
eyelashes touching the hollow skin at the sockets. She looked like an
angel -- an angel who had been through a war -- but an angel
nonetheless. He rose from the bed slowly, quietly, and hovered over her
face. Then he planted a soft kiss on her cheekbone and brushed his lips
back into her hair, where he drew a breath and inhaled her scent. 
Her smell filled his nostrils and billowed up inside his head,
satisfying his need for a brief moment. Just as he was brushing a lock
of her hair back, a nurse entered the room. Mulder pulled back from her
with a jerk. The nurse smiled at him and looked at her patient.
"Sleeping, huh?" Mulder nodded.
"That's good. Your wife took a heck of a beating; she needs a lot of
rest." Mulder opened his mouth to correct her, but instead he just
mumbled an 'uh-huh' in agreement.  The nurse checked Scully's charts
and wrote down a few things. Then she looked over her sleeping figure
quickly and nodded.
"Boy, she sure is lucky to have such a devoted husband." Mulder raised
his eyebrows in further surprise and looked up at the plump attendant.
"How's that?" he asked.  She smiled broadly at him.
"Yah, the other nurses and I were saying that you sure an *unusual*
kind of guy. We all agreed that *our* husbands would have been back at
home *looooong* ago, if we were here, flat on our backs in a hospital
bed." Mulder raised his eyebrows further and chuckled.
"Most men aren't much for sticking around and providing *comfort* to
their wives, even in the hospital!  But you've been here the entire
time -- we're all *very* impressed!" She laughed and winked, then
headed for the door. As she opened it, she turned around.
"Oh, and tell your wife that there's good news -- she'll probably be
released tomorrow. That should cheer her up a little bit!"
And then she was gone. Mulder looked at Scully again and laughed.
"My 'wife'......god, how I wish."

A few hours had passed when Scully awoke.  She looked around the room
for Mulder and found him standing at the windows, peering wistfully out
into the night sky.  She made rustling sounds as she stirred, causing
him to turn around and smile at her. 
"Hi sleepyhead." he said as he walked over to her bed and sat down.
"Mmmmm, how long was I asleep?" she murmured.
"Couple hours, I think." he reached up and tenderly brushed a lock of
hair off her cheek.
"Hey, guess what?" he teased her.
"What?" she obediently replied.
"You're allowed to go home tomorrow."
"Oh, thank GOD!" she exclaimed with sincere relief.  Mulder chuckled.
"Yah, the nurse thought that would make you happy."
"Yeah, well, she was right!" Scully emphasized.
"Uh-huh." Mulder agreed.
"She also paid me a compliment, well, she and the *other* nurses, that
is." Mulder bragged with a wiley  smirk. Scully raised her eyebrows and
gave Mulder one of her looks.
"Why do I get the sinking feeling that you're about to tell me that
you've been having some lengthy, improper conversations with the
nursing staff?" Scully scolded him with her look.  Mulder just
chuckled.
"What? Me?" he pointed to his chest indignantly, then chuckled again.
"No, no I didn't have any long conversations with them.  She just said
that they were 'impressed' that I had stayed here with you. In her
words, 'most husbands would've been gone a loooooong time ago'." he
smiled proudly.  Scully's eyebrows raised even farther.
"Husband? She thinks you're my 'husband'?" she laughed incredulously.
"Yah, well, I guess she just assumed.....y'know.  Why else would some
'guy' be hanging around your bedside all this time?" Mulder tried to
act nonchalant.  He hoped Scully couldn't tell by looking at his face
just how much he liked being called her 'husband'.
"And you didn't bother to correct her, I take it?" Scully inquired with
a slight smirk. Mulder squirmed a little.
"Well, no....I didn't see the point of getting into a long explanation
with her, so, I just...let it drop." he shrugged his shoulders.  Scully
gave him a measured look then put one arm behind her head and narrowed
her eyes on him.
"So, Mulder.  Why *have* you stayed by my side the entire time I've
been here?"  Mulder just looked at her, a little shocked by her
out-of-the-blue question.
"Why haven't you gone home?" she pressed him further.  She wanted to
hear his reason.  She wanted to extract an answer from him and begin
the investigation into his feelings for her.  He looked away from her
briefly, then he turned back and looked seriously into her eyes,
pulling her hand into his.
"Don't you know, Scully?" he looked at her endearingly and caressed her
hand.
"I think you know." he nodded his head, and Scully's face became very
serious as well, her eyes transforming into deep blue pools filled with
affection.  Mulder swallowed hard as he stared at her, trying to put
his thoughts into a coherent statement.
"I can't bear to be without you, Dana," he spread his hands out in
front of her in a helpless gesture.
"I don't want to be away from you for even one minute." his intense
stare transfixed her, and she didn't miss the use of her first name.
"You've disappeared from my grasp too many times, once for a *long* time
, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.  It drove me absolutely
crazy; I went totally insane.  When I thought I might lose you again,
well....." he bowed his head and spoke just above a whisper.
"I realized just how much you mean to me.....and I realized that my
life means nothing without you, Dana." he looked up at her again,
"absolutely *nothing*."  
Scully's heart began to pound, her mouth opened slightly in
astonishment, and tears welled in her eyes; she could barely comprehend
what he was saying.  He saw her reaction and reached up to touch her
cheek.
"I need you .......you're all that matters to me."  A single tear fell
from Scully's eye, and Mulder leaned in toward her slowly, watching the
track it made down her cheek.  He snuck the tip of his tongue out a
tiny bit and licked the tear trail, bottom to top, from her cheek.  She
closed her eyes and sighed softly, feeling a hot blush creep up her
cheeks.  He stayed very close to her face, their noses nearly touching,
as he looked into her eyes when she reopened them.  He saw a dozen
emotions flickering behind them...... adoration, desire, maybe even
passion?   It was foreign and unreadable to him.  He never saw her
reveal anything like it before, but he always knew, in the back of his
mind, that she was capable of deep passion.  It was there, trapped and
festering behind her prim and proper facade.  She watched him through
half-lidded eyes as he blinked long and pressed his lips against hers
ever so softly, tasting them slowly and gently.  She brought her
fingers up to his lips when they broke, and she looked at him with an
unreadable expression.  He became anxious and unsure.  What was it? 
Did she not want this?  Was she scared?  The suspense was killing him.
"What's wrong?"  His brow crinkled up in worry and he bored his eyes
into her, demanding an answer.  More tears trickled down her cheeks. 
She dropped her head and whispered.
"Nothing.....everything.....I don't know." she covered her face with
her hand.  Mulder grew even more worried.  He bent down and touched his
head with hers, whispering.
"Listen, Scully......if you don't want us to.....if you don't want
*this*....I'll understand." she raised her head quickly.
"No, no - I.....I just......" she sighed and struggled for words as
tears continued to roll down her cheeks.  Mulder's stomach coiled in
dread, worried at what she would say.  She clasped her hands together
and rested her forehead on them.
"I'm just *scared*, Mulder......this is *very* scary." she whispered,
choking back a sob.  Mulder let out a sigh that he didnt realize he'd
been holding.  He reached for her hands and clasped them securely in
his.
"I know it's scary.....hell, I'm scared too.....but......what I'm most
scared of is.....that we'll convince ourselves to let these feelings
pass....we'll keep pushing them aside....and then we'll *never* be
together.... we'll never get to truly love each other....and....we'll
never get to spend the rest of our lives together."  Scully raised her
head slowly and looked at him, mouth agape.  Had he really said that? 
She couldn't believe her ears.  He stared into her eyes, seemingly
reading her soul.
"Now you know how I feel.....tell me how *you* feel, Scully."  Dana
gulped and licked her lips, trying to formulate words on them.  She
looked down at their still-clasped hands and spoke quietly.
"I don't know how......you know I'm not good at this type of thing,
Mulder." she looked softly into his eyes, begging them to take pity on
her inability to articulate.
"I never knew you to be at a loss for words, Scully." he challenged,
"and I'm not going to let you off the hook on this one." he smiled
slightly and continued to fix his gaze on her.  She pursed her lips and
took a deep breath.
"I knew I cared deeply about you a long time ago. I don't remember when
it started exactly, but.... eventually, I knew that it was more than
just 'friendship' and more than just 'partners'. I knew in my heart
that my feelings were much deeper, but.....I refused to let myself
think about it....I just.....couldn't let myself *want* it...." she
looked directly into his eyes and whispered, "I still don't know if I
can, Mulder."
He looked at her with a slightly sad, confused expression.
"Why not?" he asked tentatively.  She shrugged and shook her head a
little, looking off into the distance, then back at him.
"We're *partners*, Mulder.  We *work* together.  Everybody knows that
office romances don't work."  She shook her head a little, but her eyes
betrayed her.  Bringing a hand up to her forehead, she continued.
"I don't want to have just a little 'fling' with only partial
commitments," she said with a little anger in her voice, and motioned
with her hand.  "Something like that would destroy any kind of
friendship or relationship between us, and I don't want that to
happen...... I'm *terrified* of that happening." she looked earnestly
at Mulder.   
"I need something that's going to *last*....I....Mulder, if we make
this move, I need to know that I have *all* of your heart and soul, not
just parts of them."  She bored into him with her eyes.  He clutched
her hands harder.
"You've *always* had my heart and soul, Scully.....*always*." his eyes
were honest and sincere.  
"I have *no* intention of making this a 'quick fling', or only
committing half-way.  I have wanted this for a *long* time, and I've
held back for the same reasons you have.  But......I can't hide it
anymore....I can't hide my feelings and my needs." he scooted even
closer to her on the bed and spoke lowly.
"I need you, and I want you.....I want to *love* you, Dana," he touched
her cheek softly, "....and I want you to love *me*."  Her chin began to
quiver, and tears sprang to her eyes, spilling down her cheeks.  She
dropped her head into her hands.  Mulder's anxieties returned.  Why was
she crying?  He couldn't read her like he usually could; what was she
thinking?  He wanted to shake her and make her talk to him, but he knew
he had to be patient.  He caressed her back and spoke softly to her.
"Dana?  What?  What's wrong?" his voice cracked a bit.  She looked up
at him with pink-rimmed eyes.
"I'm sorry Mulder.....I'm so sorry."  His heart lept into his throat
with nervous apprehension.  She wiped her eyes.
"I just......I don't know if I am capable of..... opening myself up,
and .... allowing that." she looked at him with eyes that reflected, to
Mulder's surprise, incredible insecurity.  They secretly begged for his
permission to spill over and empty their secrets onto his lap.  He
could see that she was on the verge of exposing one of the many riddles
that controlled and defined the personality that was Dana Scully.  He
wanted to know that secret, and he knew that it would be painful for
her.  He touched her cheek again.
"Tell me why, Dana.....you can tell me." he brought his face directly
in front of hers and silently willed her to talk to him and spill her
guts.  She understood, and she trusted him.  She closed her eyes, took
a deep breath, and then looked off into the distance, trying to draw
some strength and calm her nerves.  She spoke slowly and quietly.
"I don't know if I can describe it.....not in a way that makes sense,
anyway.  I just.....I've never allowed myself to be close to any guy
that I've ever been involved with.  I've never felt....safe...enough. 
It's like, somehow, I feel the need to keep part of myself protected
from them...like I can't let anyone in." she brought her hands to her
chest.  "I can't completely surrender myself to them because.....if it
didn't work out, or if they decided to take flight, then...." she
seemed ashamed, and her voice lowered even more.
"Then, it wouldn't hurt too much." she looked at Mulder as fresh tears
welled in her eyes.  
"When I was with Jack, I thought I was happy....I mean, *really* happy.
 I thought that I'd finally figured out what everyone was talking about
when they said they were 'in love'.  Things were fine for a while, and
he was fine.  But....."  she wrinkled her brow in agitation, "then, he
began to change." her voice cracked, and she paused for a moment. 
Mulder said nothing, his blood threatening to boil as he envisioned
what she might say next.
"He became more demanding..... of my time.... of me.  He....wanted to
'have' me more often, and he was rough.... more aggressive.  He wanted
me to be 'submissive'.....to him....he got off on that."  She said with
a slight laugh and low voice.  Mulder was glad she averted her gaze,
otherwise, she would have been able to see the rage building inside
him.  Jack was dead, but Mulder  hated him even more than he had
before.  He knew Scully had an unsuccessful relationship with him, but
he hadn't known the details.  She drew another breath and looked up at
the ceiling.
"I didn't like it, and I told him.  So, he became cruel and
insulting....telling me that I was 'like ice'." her eyes flashed as she
hissed the words.  She licked her lips and looked out the window.
"The pathetic thing is, I stayed with him for awhile, even when he kept
treating me like shit.  We were still together, ...but I was alone." 
She smiled wryly.  "Finally, he told me that he was involved with
someone else, and, even though I knew it was for the best, and I knew
he was a *jerk*...." she dropped her head and whispered ashamedly,
".... I was still heartbroken." she paused for a long minute.  "Y'know,
thinking back, I realize that I had no idea what 'love' really
was....and....I'm not sure I do now, either."  She didn't say anything
for a minute, then she finally brought her head up to look into
Mulder's eyes.  His warm hazel depths were teary, and they reflected
complete understanding and compassion.  Tears welled up in her eyes
again as she thanked God that he was here with her.  As he looked into
her blurry, sky-blue depths, he saw a frightened and emotionally
delicate woman.  Not a tough, hard-as-nails federal agent, but a
sensitive, fragile soul that longed desperately for the safety and
security of a true love.  He understood with newfound clarity why she
got so angry with him when he took off without her on one of his
'quests', or 'ditched' her while on a case.  She was afraid of
abandonment; afraid of becoming close to anyone whom she feared would
ultimately leave her in the end.  She had thought that she loved Jack
Willis, and he returned that love with abuse; she loved her father and
her sister, and they both left her.  Obviously, she thought he would
leave her someday as well.  He suddenly hated himself for all the
selfish times that he scampered off without any regard for her
feelings.  She would get so mad at him, and he finally understood the
real reason why.  She was afraid that he would never return to her, and
she would lose him as well.  All her walls were built out of fear; fear
of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of her own intense feelings.  Dr.
Dana Scully, the woman who feared nothing, was, in the end, afraid of a
little four-letter word:  love.  Mulder leaned forward and embraced her
in his arms, burying his face in her hair.  She put her arms around his
neck and returned his embrace, letting even more tears stream down her
face.  He turned his face and whispered into her ear.
"Scully......you can let *me* in......I'm not going to leave you, I'm
not going to hurt you, I'm not going to quit or disappear on you......
not *ever*."  She sniffed and pulled back from him slightly.
"Mulder, you shouldn't make promises that you can't keep." he frowned
at her.
"These are promises I *fully* intend to keep, Scully.....at least as
long as it's in my power to do so." he added, thinking of the dark
forces that could play them like pawns on a chess board.
"That's just it, Mulder.  Neither of us can control the 'powers that
be', and if they find out about us, about *this*," she motioned
in-between them.
"They could destroy everything.....they could destroy *us*."  Mulder
shook his head in disagreement and Scully was about to argue when he
held a finger to her lips.
"I am no longer living for *other* people and their agendas." his voice
raised a little in anger.
"I no longer care about what 'other people' might think or do," he took
her chin in his hand, and his voice softened.  "I only care about *you*
and *me*.....right here, right *now*."  She looked at him with surprise
and said nothing for a few seconds.
"How will we work together?  They won't *allow* us to work together any
more if they find out." she finally spit out.  He shook his head again.
"They *won't* find out -- no one needs to know." he countered.  Scully
huffed out loud.
"How will we hide it?" she asked incredulously.  "How can we have an
intimate relationship at home, and then turn around and go to the
office and play 'just partners'?"  Mulder's mind sparked at the words
'intimate relationship', and he raised his eyebrows slightly at her
words, but he quickly regained control and shrugged casually.
"I'm not sure.  We'll just have to cross that bridge when we get to
it."  he bent his head down and peered at her partially bowed face. 
"I'm in no hurry.....I want to take our time with this."  Scully nodded
in agreement, remembering her mother's words earlier.
"Me too.....we can't rush into anything.  I still need to think about
this, Mulder, and I want us to consider everything very carefully." she
motioned with her hand.
"Okay," he agreed.  "But no 'thinking' too much," he scolded her with
his finger.  
"I've been 'thinking' about this for so long that I can't stand to
*think* any more.....I know what I want, and it has nothing to do with
*work*.....it has everything to do with *you*." he looked tenderly at
her and took her face in his hands.  She looked back at him teary-eyed,
but lovingly, believing him with her heart and soul, but still fearing
the unknown.  He kissed her tenderly, a slow, soft kiss that reassured
her for the time being.

    Source: geocities.com/txfssgfic/fic1

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