Memories and Dreams (1/1)
Author: DSc1110 DSc110@hotmail.com
Rating: G
Category: MSR, Post-Ep
Spoilers: Requiem & Pilot
Summary: When all is said and done, what are the most important things to Scully after Mulder disappears.
Distribution: I'll be shocked, but I'd be loving it. (Let me know where?) Spookys . . . always!
Feedback: Love it like going for a ride in my truck. Or, something like that.
Disclaimer: If you think I own them, you're high on something. In other words, they ain't mine. The lyrics to the two songs belong to the bands. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
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If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
--If You're Gone
matchbox twenty
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I lay back on the pillow of my hospital bed and gaze out the window as my mind takes a stroll through the past week remembering key moments. The most poignant is the first sign something was wrong, or maybe that something was finally right. I close my eyes and remember leaving Teresa Hoese's home with the pictures of her husband's scars.
"Hungry Scully?"
I looked at Mulder with an amused expression.
"I could eat. You?"
"Famished. Care for some of that local salmon?"
"The one that with a little lemon twist is to die for?"
Mulder chuckled as we climbed into the car.
"Yeah, that one."
I shrugged.
"Why not?"
I was surprised when we drove to the hotel. I looked at him with a confused look.
"Oh come on, Scully. You know how I feel about suits. I'm officially off duty for the day. I'm going to get comfortable."
I followed Mulder into his room.
"Give me just a few minutes, and I'll be ready."
I flipped through the pictures we’d just gotten from Teresa as Mulder dressed. I got a small thrill down my spine when I looked up to see him coming towards me in the tight black T-shirt and jeans.
"I take it you approve."
I just laughed.
"Let's go G-man. I thought you were famished."
He just grinned down at me.
I'm pulled out of my reverie as a nurse enters my room. I give her a tight smile as she moves to the side of my bed.
"I need to take a little more blood."
I simply nod. I'd requested a long list of tests. I needed to understand what had caused this to happen . . . outside the obvious of course.
"First pregnancy, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Well, congratulations. I'll bet you're happy."
I just give her a tight smile. I am happy, but it's so deeply entangled with feelings of fear, grief, and a touch of anger that it's impossible to categorize my current emotional state.
She looks around the room.
"You're alone? Where's the father?"
"He's -- missing," I finally sigh.
"Missing huh? It’s a shame the large number of women who are come here alone because the father is 'missing' or whatever excuse they give. Don't feel bad, hon. You're not alone."
I give a mirthless laugh.
"I assure you, there is no one else in this hospital in my shoes. And he really is just as I said, missing. I already have many friends searching for him, and as soon as I get out of here I'll join them in the search."
She had finished taking my blood halfway through my tirade. She now stands by the door giving me a sympathetic look. I don't want her sympathy. I just want her to do her job and get me some answers already.
"Well, for now, you just rest."
"I'm fine," I whisper as the door shuts behind her, once again leaving me to my memories.
I close my eyes and drift back to the same night. We had finished our meal and driven slowly back to the hotel. I had enjoyed a salad while Mulder had his fill of the salmon. As we pulled up to the hotel I couldn't help but laugh.
"What?"
"Oh nothing."
"Nuh-uh. If something is funny, you gotta share with the rest of the class."
"I was just thinking that I was glad the place wasn't on fire."
He grinned at me in the dark.
"Ah, but Teresa has the negatives to THESE pictures so no worries there."
"No worries, huh?"
"Well, not there anyway."
I nodded and reached for the door.
"Well, I think I am going to get ready for bed."
"It's only 7:45, Scully."
"Yes, in this time zone. It's 10:45 back home, and we did have the plane ride out here. I'm exhausted."
"Awww, come on. I was going to ask if you wanted to go for a jog or something. It's such a beautiful night."
I shook my head.
"I'm tempted, but you'd have to carry me after the first block."
"I can do that."
"Mulderrrrr."
"All right, all right, all right. You're right. Go get some sleep."
"I plan to."
I leaned over a stole a quick kiss before climbing out of the car. I began to walk to my room. I heard Mulder climb out of the car and slam the door.
"Hey Scully."
I turned around.
"What?"
He opened his mouth but seemed to reconsider what ever he had planned to say.
"Sweet dreams."
"Good night, Mulder."
I let myself into my room and began to get settled in for the night. I put my bag of toiletries in the bathroom, and put my suitcase on the bed. I grabbed my nightclothes and began to walk to the bathroom when the dizziness hit me. I swayed and let my clothes fall to the floor as I reached for the open bathroom door to steady myself. As the dizziness passed a chill that had formed in the pit of my stomach began to grow. It went up my spine and soon I found myself shivering. My first thought was to get help. Somehow I made my way to Mulder's room and was immediately calmed somewhat when I heard his voice yell, "Who is it?" Deep inside I cursed the automatic locks on hotel doors because all I wanted was to get in there to the safety and warmth I knew he could provide.
I spent that night wrapped in the comforter on his bed, with his arms around it. He sealed in the warmth of my body and I could feel the warmth of his radiating through the thick fabric. The chill passed and I was able to sleep soundly.
And once again I sleep, wrapped in the warmth that memory fills me with.
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When dreaming I'm guided through another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
--Higher
Creed
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My sleep is filled with the sweet dreams that I know Mulder always wishes for me. This time, though, the dreams are tangible and even more attainable. I dream of my child's first Christmas and of the love and laughter my future will hold once everyone in my new, small family is all present. I see, vividly, the smile and spark in Mulder's eyes that I have only witnessed in the proudest and happiest of fathers. I see the love my child bestows on both Mulder and me and their awe at the world around them. I feel the contentment such happy scenes bring to my whole body, and it allows me get the rest my child and I need.
I am awakened by my doctor and for a few moments resent being pulled from my dreams. The instant reality sets in, I become all business and itch to question him about what he found. He, though, beats me to it and begins to question me.
"Dana, how are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, really. Still in a bit of shock, but physically I am fine."
"That's good to hear. Being a doctor, I'm sure you've already figured out why this pregnancy caused your vertigo."
"I need to eat better, right?"
"Yes, you aren't eating for one anymore and that baby needs all the nourishment it can get. I know your job sometimes prevents you from eating correctly, but I suggest you find a way around it."
I nod.
"Now, as for the various tests you've asked us to run that I am certain you are very curious about, we don't have the results back yet and won't until tomorrow. We have no reason to keep you overnight. If you have a way home, we'll go ahead and release you."
"I, uhm, I can call someone. Some friends brought me in late last night so I don't have my car."
"All right. Or if you would like, I can have one of the nurses call for you while you get dressed and all the paperwork is being put together."
He glances at the file in his hand.
"You have a Fox Mulder listed to call in case of emergency, would you care for us to try to contact him."
"He can't be reached right now. No, I'll call someone. Thank you."
He nodded and left me to get dressed and make my arrangements. After a quick call to the gunmen, I began to dress. My thoughts once again began to drift as I slipped on my jewelry.
After Mulder had told me he didn't want me going back to Oregon with him, we re-entered Skinner's office.
"Okay, I'm going back," Mulder said as he began to gather various satellite photos and maps that were strew along the conference table.
"The sooner you get there the better," Krycek said.
"You've made that abundantly clear."
I smiled inwardly. While this unlikely partnership was working on some levels, there was still no love lost between the two men. I hadn't moved from my place just inside the door.
"I'll go ahead a book two tickets to the next flight out," Frohike offered.
Mulder turned slowly too look at me, he opened his mouth to correct him, but I spoke up first.
"I'm not going back."
Six pairs of eyes turned to stare at me, while one pair looked away.
"Sir, I would feel better about all of this if you would accompany Agent Mulder to Oregon in my place."
Mulder looked back at me with a small smile. Skinner looked a little shocked at my statements, but he agreed to go in my place.
Mulder and Skinner agreed to meet at Mulder's apartment in a hour, and the group began to split up. I walked with Mulder down to our office.
"So you're sending me with a baby-sitter, huh?"
I laughed at his comment. We were both fighting to lighten the air around us.
"Well, you know the trouble you tend to get yourself into. Sometimes you're worse than a two year old."
"Aw come on, Scully. You know I'm not that bad."
"You're right, you're worse."
He shot me an amused look as we entered the office. He began to rummage through the various boxes that liter the office.
"What are you looking for?"
"My toys. Can't go on a long plane trip without my toys. Wouldn't want me to bug Skinner about how much further it is, would you?"
"God forbid."
Silence then fell between us; the only sounds were from his various curses at not being able to locate whatever he was looking for.
"Mulder, come home to me in one piece okay?"
He looked up at me then. His eyes were a clear green as he gazed over at me.
"I promise."
He continued looking, and gave a happy sigh when he located his "toys." He then turned to me with a completely serious face.
"Now you promise me something, Scully."
"Anything."
"Go to the doctor while I'm gone. I know you're still getting dizzy spells, and I'm worried about you."
"Oh Mulder I'm f--"
"No, Scully, promise me."
I sighed and looked away. He walked over to me and cupped my chin and turned me until I was looking him in the eye.
"Promise me."
"I promise."
"Thank you."
I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beating. He wrapped his arms around he and held me close.
"Mulder something just feels wrong about all of this."
"I know, I feel it too. But I have to do this. I don't know why. I can't explain it, but I have to do it. If for no other reason then to hopefully ensure your safety."
"But what about your safety? I can't lose you either."
He pulled back and looked me straight in the eye.
"I'll be back. That is my promise to you. I'd never break a promise to you."
I nodded and smiled, but that didn't stop my tears from spilling over.
"Oh Scully."
He wiped away my tears with his thumbs and pulled me back into his embrace.
"Mulder, I can't help it. I --"
I stopped for a second and took a deep breath.
"I love you, and I need you."
His breath stopped for a moment and his voice cracked when he spoke again.
"And I love and need you, Scully."
We pulled apart and he leaned down and kissed me gently. As he turned to grab his things, I put a hand on his chest. He turned to look at me and I pulled the necklace from around my neck. I reached up and fastened it around his.
"Just in case."
He smiled down at me. His fingers played absently with the tiny cross.
"I'll, uhm, I'll call you as soon as I know anything."
"Okay. I guess I'll stay here for a little while longer and go through some more of the information. If we find anything, I'll try to get in touch with you."
He stepped back up to me after gathering the last of his equipment.
"You want me to see you off at the airport?"
"No, Scully, you stay here. Maybe you'll find something before we even leave that will get me out of this whole charade."
"I'll try, partner."
He leaned down and we kissed once more.
"I'll be home soon."
"I'll be waiting."
And with that he walked away, turning to look back at me once before the elevator carried him to the parking garage and the stairs lead me back to Skinner's office.
I stand here absently rubbing where my cross would be laying, thinking about how grateful I am that I told him how I felt before he left. We'd been together for so many years, romantically involved for about a month, but I had never said the words. Knowing that he knows how important he is to me helps me through this ordeal I am now facing. The door opens and Byers walks in to take me home.
"Are you ready Scully?"
I look up at Byers and nod. We gather my things and he helps me out to the car. Of course I'm not ready. No one can ever be ready for what I am going to facing for who knows how long. I know that all the ordeals that I am going to go through, though, will be made bearable by my hundreds of happy memories and beautiful dreams that now keep me company and serve as my safety blanket of peace.
Fin
Love it? Hate it? Please let me know. I haven't sat down and written a story of any kind in several months. I wasn't going to even post it anywhere, but decided at the last minute to do so. I need feedback. It's chicken soup to my creativity or something like that. I apologize for any mistakes. They are all mine. My beta had to decide to go to summer school and is so completely swamped with homework that I didn't have the heart to ask.

Fate will bring two people together though
they are separated by one thousand miles;
fate will prevent two people from meeting
though they are standing face to face.
-- Chinese Proverb
Completed: 06/01/2000