His Eyes
Author: jewelyn
Summary: This is a short vignette about what Scully sees when she looks
in Mulder's eyes.
Disclaimers: Okay, this one was written somewhat ambiguously. I believe
it can apply to any two would be lovers. So I'm not apologizing for it
and if people send me money for it, so be it.
Spoilers: None
Category: VRA
Archive: If you want it, it's yours, just let me know!
Feedback: yes, please, to jewelyn@yogashack.com
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Alli for betareading, Sasha for supporting, and DTG for
inspiring.
~~~~
Could I be wrong?
He told me he loved me today -- he said it with his eyes. His voice would never speak such
words. His voice will not give life to his deepest emotions, the ones tightly guarded and
locked away. But his eyes are open and honest, they speak it. Speak it loud and clear.
I blink hard, remembering a line from a movie. The same line. 'He told me he loved me. He
said it with his eyes,' she told her friends. They laughed. I laughed. It was a hilariously
pathetic grasp at hope -- at love. I guess my friends would be laughing at me now. Had I
anyone with whom to share my deepest emotions, the ones I keep tightly guarded. The
same emotions that my words can not give life to.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am laughably pathetic... but I have never felt anything so
strongly in my life -- that power that he holds over me. That power spoken with his eyes. I
have never experienced the power of a gaze like his -- His eyes so open that I believe I can
see his soul.
And there's so much more. I can only begin to describe the emotion that I feel. The intensity
of his stare. The passion. I know he cares for me deeply. His respect and loyalty are as
unwavering as mine are for him. But is it more than that? Does he feel the same passion for
me that I feel for him?
When his gaze meets mine, I see the flecks of gold immersed in fields of green. Gold sparkling
like flames of desire. His eyes engulf me, reaching for my soul. Our souls entwine in those
fields of green and gold, dancing and spinning until we form a perfect circle. His gold and my
blue merging to match the green fields of his eyes. A jagged pinwheel spinning into a beautiful
green circle.
His eyes reach right through me and touch my heart. I am lost, speechless. Overcome with
emotion. Have I captured the heart for which I have ached -- after so many years? Am I
imagining this -- wishing it and thus believing it to be so?
I look in his eyes and again, I know it is true. His eyes won't let me go, they grab my heart
and squeeze it tight, never letting go. I cannot break his gaze. I am mesmerized, spellbound,
held captive in its depths. At times, I avoid his gaze because I cannot bear the burden of --
its weight and intensity. It fills me with fear. The possibility, the challenge that may lie
ahead
scares me more than any horrible monster could. But I am drawn into his eyes, powerless
against them. For our love is my greatest fear and most powerful desire.
No words are spoken while our eyes meet. It is our souls that do the speaking now, while we
gaze lost in each other. I wonder what a witness sees -- if anyone would notice at all. What
does the world see when two souls met during a wordless, touchless gaze? Do they see the
love in our eyes?
Maybe not. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe our eyes are speaking of the loving bond of friendship,
of partners on a quest. Maybe it is not the passion of would-be lovers, but gratitude for all
that
we have done, all that we have shared. Maybe I am wrong.
How can I be sure when there are no words? Words playfully fall from our mouths. Suggestive,
alluring words. They melt my heart and build it back again and again. But these words are
nestled in a flirtatious game. They are void of meaning, void of love, empty words. They
fill me
with a hope that comes shattering down with the slightest chuckle or the curl of the
lips into a
flirtatious smile. Then I am brought back to reality. A flirtatious game. Devoid of
meaning and
devoid of love.
So perhaps I am wrong, though I hope I am not, but in honesty I cannot know what truths lie
behind those eyes -- what words those eyes are speaking to my own.
But how? How could the passion -- the silent passion that those eyes hold, the intensity and
emotion of which is indescribable, yet undeniable -- How could it not be real?
I wish I could see my own eyes through his. Are they full of the same unspoken passion, the
same intensity, the same love? Is he hoping to catch a glimpse of my heart and my soul?
I ache for him to speak the words his eyes seem to say, releasing me to do the same without
the fear of a love unrequited. Without the fear of loss. For without his love, his respect,
and his
friendship, I cannot live. I cannot bear that loss. I cannot risk revealing my heart.... sweet
words that might wedge between us until we are broken apart. My life, my love, my dreams,
destroyed by sweet words.
Because I could be wrong, you know. It's true. Until my doubts are erased I will continue our
games, letting my eyes speak the words my voice never can. Searching his eyes desperately
for the words I long to hear.
He told me he loved me today. He said it with his eyes.
~~~~
This is the first piece I wrote, so please send me any feedback
(jewelyn@yogashack.com) you can come up with. Thanks for reading.
(
geocities.com/txfssgfic)