I was blessed that my church bought plane tickets for me and my 16 yr old daughter so we could go to the funeral. My two brothers picked us up at the airport and I ask if Sarah had been brought 'home' yet. They knew what I meant; it was hard thinking of her over an hour away at the corners in Los Angles; they had broght her to the mortuary that day. After dropping my daughter, Crystal, off at my brothers and saying hello to my mom; I fianally got to my sisters house around midnight.  We were able to sit just the two of us and talk, I was in tears and honored when she ask if they could bury Sarah in the blanket I had given her; it had been both my youngest sons. She also ask me to read the poem at the funeral. It was very hard to not cry as much as I felt like; but I really wanted to be there for Patty. She is the 'strong one', the who has always held my hand through my hard times; she is four years younger then me and I felt it was time for me to support her and be the 'big sister'. Patty of coursre cried, but mostly alone as she is not the over emotional, ulta sensitive one like me; those are what she calles me! She feels the same feelings, but she handles herself well, that is why I call her the 'strong one' The next day was Saturday, the next few days were spent with funeral preprations.  For me it was hard when my sister-in-law went to the washroom to wash all of Sarah's laundry so that Patty would not have to face that later. There I could cry...folding her little cute cloths was very hard; as Patty ask we just laid them in Sarah's room for her to put away later herself.  One day my sister-in-law took care of one of the things for the funeral. They wanted baskets of flower petals for people to sprinkle at the gravesite; a 'letting go' symbol. So we picked the flowers from Patty's yard, Sarah loved those; I have a dry one on a frame with her picture. It was very sad to sit and picke all the petals off, I stil couldn't belive we were preparing for Sarah's funeral. Monday night was the viewing. It was arranged for Patty & Mike to be alone with Sarah for the first 30 min and the last 30 min; a wonderful idea. It was so sad; Sarah had grown so much since the year before when I saw her. She looked like she was sleeping; I kissed her good-bye on the hair of her pretty head. Again, my heart broke for Patty & Mike as I waited with his family for them to tuck her in for eternity; she had toys and her famouse binky and two blankets. Tues was the funeral; it was done beautifuly. It broke my heart and I was glad that I was not sitting next to Patty so I could cry; I cried not mainly for my personal loss but for Sarah's mommy and daddy and all the family that had been there with her since she was born. That evening on the way home fom the church dinner; I went with Sarah's Aunts, Va-Va and Holly, to the cemetary, we knelt donw by the grave with its huge pile of flowers and wept. Later some of us sat at Patty's and watched vidio's of Sarah. After that it was  close to midnight and had to leave for the airport; it was so hard to leave. Six months later I was still so sad that I flew out ther and spent 9 days woth Patty. Going to the cemetary was supposed to be a time for me to 'let go and say good-bye'; but I really didn't in my heart.  It has been threee years now and I am going to visit Patty in November;Sarah would of been 6 and I want to bring 6 flowers to the cemetary; I wonder if I will be able to 'let go and say good-bye' this time.

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