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HUMOUR ONE2ONE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u,not even a network HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN; caress, excite, cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper, console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays? there is hot sex, fast sex, group sex, safe sex, leather sex, telephone sex and for people wiv a face like urs theres.............masturbation When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace & charm,I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! CHINESE SUNDAY BUFFET MENU: *chu sum twat *suc mi pork *lic mi clit *tungsum chick *goo in hand *fuc sum now *gulp sum kum *cho kon it "ENJOY UR MEAL! (_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!! I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving, tuesday,thursday,today,tomorrow,thaturday,thunday.. Every thucking day! GOVERNMENT WARNING:Eating pussy is bad for your health coz its 5% urine, 3% acidic, 2% fat, and 90% addictive!! EAT MODERATELY & ENJOY! XX Theres a town in Hearts called Tilet n a pub called The Cockwell Inn Lucy Likes lives there her address is - Lucy Likes The Cockwell Inn Tilet Hearts Why is Sex a 3 letter word? Its easier to spell than... OHMYGODYESNOOSSHITYESDEEPER, YESGODNOPLEASENOSHITYESOH, SHITFUCKNOYESYESYESSHITOH. i asked god 4a flower he gave me a garden i asked god 4a tree he gave me a forest i asked god 4a cunt he gave me your number FLIRT Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration? ? Sex is good,sex is fine,doggy style or 69,just for fun or getting paid,everyone likes getting laid! ? I like your style, I like your class, but most of all i like your arse! LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply! ILL GIV U KISSES ILL GIV U FLOWERS ILL TAKE U 2 BED AND FUCK U 4 HOURS I PROMISE U DIS IT WONT BE A BORE COS ONE NIGHT WITH ME U WILL BE BACK 4 MORE!!! Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between! lip lockin,body rockin,dick suckin, all nite fuckin, tongue teasin,hand pleasin,loads of lustin, 2 much thrustin,now ur gaggin, lets get shaggin!!!! I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins! roses r red,poems r corny,take me 2bed,cos i'm feelin horny,when roses r red,they're ready 2b plucked, when i c u nxt,ur gonna get fucked! Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth are clean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection! There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another? Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex! Roses are red, voilets are corny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! NURSERY Mary had a little lamb,its coat was full of fleas,and what more is that the little cunt had foot and mouth disease Old mother Hubbard,went 2 d cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone,but when she bent over,Rover took over & gave her a bone of his own! little miss druggy sat in her buggy smoking an ounce of weed along cam a spider skinned up beside her and sold her a kilo of speed little jack horner satin his cornerlicking his girlfriend dry, he stuck in his tongue, licked out some cum, and said fuck this is better than pie. Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin me cock,da clock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block! Twinkle,twinkle little rectum,big cocks cum when you least expect them,never mind the screams of passion,pop it up her doggy fashion! Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard! Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,Humpty Dumpy spunked on the floor,and all the kings horses and all the kings men,bent the bitch over and fucked her again! Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed! Jack & Jill went up the hill 2fetch a pale of water, we dont no wot they did up there but they came back wiv a daughter Mary had a little lamb & tied it to a pylon, a 1000 volts shot up its ass & turned it into nylon jingle jangle silver bangle,Im gonna fuck u from every angle,lipsy dipsy laalaa po, if u give me a fuck i'll give u a blow! Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!! TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE KNOB HOW SHE LIKES IT IN HER GOB WHEN SHE FEELS THAT CERTAIN TWITCH SHE PULLS IT OUT THE SPITFUL BITCH REASONS Y 5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b’hind u 4)ur bestm8s a cunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!! 3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on ur cock: 1- U can play wiv ur money, 2- U can see ur money grow 3- Ur girl can blow as much money as she wants U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF 1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss 3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantly full of shit! 5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work,right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! Wouldnt you just hate to be an egg.it takes six minutes to get hard,you only get laid once and the only person to sit on your face is your mother! MISCELLANEOUS Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high! If the sea was vodka & I was a duck,Id swim 2 the bottom & drink my way up!But the sea aint vodka,& I aint a duck,but im stil always drunk so who givs a fuck! Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes u cum! Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! Whats the closest thing to a womans period?Your salary …. It comes once a month,lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesn’t comes.Everythings fucked. Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever! Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, you can't stop!! Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin? A)a mouth full of cock! Why is a woman like a bucket of KFC?Because once your past the tender breast and the juicey thigh,all u have left is a greasy box to put your bone in! if u were a drum id bang u,if u were a pig id pork u,if u were a flower id root u,if u were a nail id screw u,but cos ur a sweetie ill make love 2 u! Roses are red, Violets are pink, im not going down there, cos that bloody stinks! QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!! A mini's a mini,a jag's a jag,but what is a kiss,without a shag??? HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2 calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish! STORY Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happy cock theres a wet pussy! Girl asks:Why do cows look so depressed when they r being milked? Teacher:if u got up early every mornin and they rubbed ur tits 4 2 hours and didnt fuck u would u b pissed off Bad wolf told red riding hood "lift up ur top so i can suck ur tits" "NO" she said lifting her skirt.."eat me like the book says!" There was a young girl from down wick,who asked her mum wot is a prick,she said oh Annie it goes up ur fanny & jumps up & down til its sick! MUM: didnt i tell you that if a guy touches your boobs say DONT,& if he touches your pussy say STOP! GIRL: but mum he touched both so i said DONT STOP! A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits! There woz a young man named Dave.Who dug a dead whore from her grave,she woz mouldy as shit,and missing a tit...but think of the money he saved! Ther once was a mouse called Keith,who circumsised boys with his teeth,it was'nt for leisure or sexual pleasure but to get to the cheese underneath. a little boy goes 2 his mum & says 'mum how do u spell clitoris? she replys go & ask ur dad it was on the tip of his tongue las nte! A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy! RUDE Bak 2 bak,front 2 front,on d table,lick d cunt,stick it in,do ur ting,do it hard & make her sing,tense ur body feel d cum,den let it rip into her bum! Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch my cum drip down my chin! kneel be4 him, suck him slo, oh his c*ck is nice 2 blo,up n down along his knob, nice and gentle with ur gob,suk and lik his lovely prick,n when he comes swallow quick! lips r 4 snoggin,beds r 4 rockin,clits r 4 caresin,clothes r 4 undressin,ears r 4 licking,tits 4 sucking,the clock is ticking so lets get fucking Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,it cant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain! Be a lady,Not a nun,Open wide and have some fun,Big or small,Thick or thin, Vasline will get it in Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten! Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make me cum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout! D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore! Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a fuckin good job! Oral sex can b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den u cum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again! Sex is evil and evil's a sin, but sins are forgiven, so lets get stuck in!! roses r straight,violets r twisted,bend over luv,your about 2 get fisted.roses make me laugh violets make me titter,your a dirty cunt & u luv it up the shitter Eat me,beat me,bite me,blow me,suck me,fuck me,very slowly,and if you kiss me dont be sassy,use ur tongue and make it nasty! Let it dribble, let it flow, flip me over, go real slow, slap me hard den pick up speed, a rite good fuck is what i need! Roses are red, Veins are blue, theres one in my dick waiting for you! roses r red,poems r corny,take me 2bed,cos i'm feelin horny,when roses r red,they're ready 2b plucked, when i c u nxt,ur gonna get fucked! The sky is blue,the grass is green,the harder i fuck,the louder the scream,the louder the scream,the harder i fuck,so gimme a ring n u mite b in luck! |
